Osiris’ Vision For One World Government

November 12, 2015 at 8:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Osiris’ Vision For One World Government

Having got his mojo back recently (after paying his arch-enemy brother’s top research scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher a huge amount of money to re-attach a certain long lost body part), Osiris was sitting in a Rome night club hoping to get it on with the ladies.

A drunken diplomat who sat next to him up at the bar said to him, “Excuse me, sir, I was just having a conversation with my friend here,” he gestured to the empty seat next to him, “about what form a one- world government should take if one should ever happen to come into place. What form do you think it will take?.”

Osiris had been brushing up on world history ever since he had been brought back into material existence by the accelerated high particle beams of an ET laser death ray gun fired in reverse a year ago this past Halloween.

Thus he was able to answer the question.

“Well,” Osiris dropped an ancient cyclops’ eyeball into his martini, “I don’t think either an extreme laissez-faire capitalism nor a Soviet style Communism shall succeed in establishing a one-world government.”

“No, what will succeed then?” The diplomat bought another round of drinks for himself and his invisible bunny rabbit friend sitting next to him.

“I believe it will be a globalized form of German National Socialism,” Osiris answered, “but one that will be truly global and not Germanic. It will be the political and economic system of the Third Reich on a world-wide scale but one devoid of its racial theories and notions of racial superiority. In this globalized form of an international National Socialism, all races and ethnic groups will be accepted. It will be certain individuals that will be persecuted but for their beliefs and not for their racial or ethnic backgrounds- individuals who do not follow the global hive mindset (what Teilhard de Chardin would probably consider an Incarnation of his Noosphere). Those individuals will be persecuted and maybe eliminated.
The rest will follow the world leader without question under the slogan One Planet One People One Leader.
And of course instead of doing everything for the Fatherland, they will do everything for Mother Earth.”

“Wow,” the diplomat pondered this for a moment and then turned to his invisible friend (who had not touched his Harvey Wallbanger), “what do you think about that, Harvey, old boy?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 12th
2015.

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Dr. Cadbury Rocher and His Camellamaroos

August 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher and His Camellamaroos

Set Enterprises’ sanity-challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was in a meeting with his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set showing off his latest genetically manufactured creation

Although the genetically manufactured creation was not present in person.

Dr. Rocher was showing off film from a Set Enterprises experimental farm at a secret location in West Africa.

“I call this creature the Camellamaroo,” Dr. Rocher smiled like a proud father.

“Camellamaroo?” Set had just got one of his vampiric fangs stuck on a kernel of caramel popcorn from the bucket of caramel popcorn he was eating.

“It’s a genetic hybrid I’ve created from the DNA of a dromedary camel, a llama and a kangaroo,” Dr. Rocher explained.

Set rang the bell on the table next to him and called out to his valet, “A toothpick please, Athelstan.”

On the screen appeared two of the Camellamaroo creatures running through desert bush.

The creature had the face and hump of a camel but the arms and feet of a kangaroo and was able to hop and jump at great speed like a kangaroo.

“Where does the llama fit in?” Set asked as he desperately tried to get the kernel of caramel popcorn off his fang.

“It’s able to spit like a llama,” Dr. Rocher grinned.

One of the camellamaroos hops up to someone and spits in their face.

“We also added the DNA of a few tobacco chewing baseball players to increase the ferocity of the spit,” Dr. Rocher beamed beatifically like a sailor in a whorehouse on a Saturday night.

“Where’s that fucking toothpick, Athelstan?” Set called out to his butler again as he started to foam at the mouth.

“Notice the reaction of the person who has just been spit at in the face by the Camellamaroo,” Dr. Rocher enthused ecstatically.

“He’s bleeding from the ears, nose and mouth,” Set reached for the toothpick handed him by Athelstan.

“Exactly,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “I threw in a significant pinch of fruit bat DNA into my Camellamaroo concoction so that it can carry and spread the Ebola virus without being affected themselves. I injected them with a super strain of Ebola virus I created in the lab so that when the virus makes contact with human beings through spit, the symptoms are immediate. Hence the bleeding from the extremities that you see in this film,” Dr. Rocher ended his lecture.

“Very well done,” Set said as he proceeded to bite into a steak sandwich- blue rare.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 9th
2014.

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A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland

January 7, 2014 at 8:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un was hoping to get some nookie on his birthday from the Welsh vampiress Morgana a rising pop star in the west who often shot music videos in North Korea because she didn’t have to pay her extras there.

Kim already had his uncle executed last month for daring to make sexual advances on Morgana although the story manufactured for the Western press was that he was guilty of treason against the state (although for Kim Jong-un like England’s King Henry VIII many centuries before him, to dally or to try to dally with the object of the tyrant’s sexual desires was treason against the state).

“Please, please, Morgana,” Kim begged, “after all it’s my birthday.”

“Beat it creep,” Morgana slapped his face, turned into a bat and flew away.

Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman had walked into Kim’s bedroom at that moment and saw what happened.

“She won’t give me any nookie for my birthday,” Kim bawled.

Rodman said, “Wow, bummer.”

“No thanks,” Kim replied.

. . .

The Invisible Man elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf had finally managed to track down where exactly the Vampiress Martini was living in Switzerland.

Mittendorf had become invisible back in the early 1980s when he had drunk an invisibility potion made for him by a promising young sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Rocher had neglected to tell the Swiss billionaire that he hadn’t yet developed an antidote for it.

And so Lester Mittendorf had remained invisible ever since.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher went on to become the Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

As for Mittendorf, he thought he had finally stumbled upon the answer to his invisibility problem last year.

In an ancient alchemical text he came across, it was written that if one had drunk an invisibility potion and had become invisible and couldn’t get back to becoming visible again, to get bit on the neck by a vampiress would make one visible again.

Mittendorf had heard that the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions (she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov a nephew of Czar Nicholas II and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne) was alive and undead and well and living in Switzerland.

Ironically the Vampiress Martini had been briefly married to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (the current employer of sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

Set and Martini had separated due to irreconcilable differences (translation: Viagara didn’t work so well for vampires).

Mittendorf had traced Martini down to this particular Swiss chalet.

At first, Martini was somewhat surprised to encounter an invisible man.

She had never seen one before (although she still hadn’t seen one).

She agreed to bite Mittendorf on the neck.

They went up to her bed room to make out.

After all, why settle for a bite on the neck when you can have the whole package?

. . .

Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky knocked on the door of the Vampiress Martini’s Swiss chalet.

The ex-oil tycoon had been released from jail in Russia last month when he got a Presidential pardon from Russian President Vladimir Putin who was anxious to build up good PR for himself ahead of next month’s Sochi Winter Olympics.

Khodorkovsky was now living in Switzerland for the next 3 months. His two sons already attended school there.

He had heard about the vampiress Martini and checked Google Maps to find out where in Switzerland she was living (something Mittendorf hadn’t done which is what took him so long to locate her).

No answer on the door.

Khodorkovsky opened it.

He heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.

He decided to investigate.

He walked up the stairs of the chalet and then down the hall to the bedroom.

He opened the door and there on the blanketless bed was the Vampiress Martini making out with elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf who was only half-way to becoming visible again.

“Oh my God,” Khodorkovsky gasped.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 7th
2014.

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The Legend of The Headless Motorcyclist

October 13, 2011 at 8:30 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , )

As Dr. Cadbury Rocher the chief scientist at Set Enterprises’ lab instructed the leather clad motorcyclist to lift up his arm to receive the needle, a news bulletin broke in on the radio in the lab…

“This just in,” the voice of BBC News said, “the infamous Were-Zomb-ire has attacked the Convent of the Order of Nuns of the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady of Fatima just outside London. The convent which had 21 living nuns just prior to the attack now has none…”

“This is what happens when mere amateurs try to practice science,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher spat out a sneering reference to the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield.

“So this shot you’re going to give me is going to make me immortal, right doc?” the motorcyclist asked.

“It is or I’m not a member in good standing of the London Transhumanist Association,” Dr. Rocher injected the serum, “this needle contains the DNA of a rare variety of fruit recently found growing in a lush valley in northeastern Iraq. I believe this fruit was the one that was growing on the Tree of Life in the Genesis account of the Garden of Eden.”

“Wow,” the motorcyclist smiled.

* * *

As Jefferson Harley sped on his motorcycle at 400 kilometres per hour down the streets of London, he relished the fact that he was going to live forever thanks to the injection that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given him.

Harley raced towards the underpass in front of him.

He looked up at the bridge overpass above him.

“What an ugly looking gargoyle,” Harley remarked, “I’ve never really noticed that before. This is what happens when someone tries to incorporate neo-medieval art into post-modern architecture.”

The gargoyle who was actually the Were-Zomb-ire sitting atop the bridge was bothered by the noise of the motorcycle.

The Were-Zomb-ire jumped down on top of Jefferson Harley and ripped the motorcyclist’s head off.

Since the motorcyclist had been injected with the serum of immortality, both body and head continued to live despite their Were-Zomb-ire enforced separation.

Harley’s head was on the roadway pavement screaming, “Help!” Help!”.

The headless body of Jefferson Harley continued to speed down the street driving the fast moving Harley-Davidson.

And thus was born the Legend of the Headless Motorcyclist.

To be continued.

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