Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

October 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

“Well, you certainly look as pleased as punch,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he walked through the door.

“I am,” Renfield helped himself to a glass of punch from the bowl of punch that Athelstan the butler had made.

“What brought this about?” Amadeus asked.

“Boris Johnson has adopted my plan that only Northern Ireland should be subject to the backstop rather than the entire United Kingdom,” Renfield grinned.

“And how exactly will that work?” Amadeus asked.

“Northern Ireland will stay in the European single market for goods,” Renfield replied, “and of course Johnson did add some touches of his own like the Stormont Assembly for Northern Ireland voting to adopt the arrangements first and then voting every four years on keeping them. But Northern Ireland would exit the customs union along with the rest of the UK under Johnson’s adaptations of my original plan. But the rest of the UK leaving the entire 
single market is my basic idea.”

“I see Jeremy Corbyn has said the plan is even worse than Theresa May’s plan for Brexit,” Amadeus noted.

“And it’s for that reason that I’ve officially nominated Jeremy Corbyn for the Jackass of The Year Award,” Renfield helped himself to a second glass of punch.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are against it as well,” Amadeus added.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are so full of shit that if you gave them all an enema before they died, you could bury them all in the same cigar box,” was Renfield’s final commentary for the night.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again sleeping on the border that divided Northern Ireland from the south.

He was awakened by the sound of voices talking.

Yaldabaoth looked and noted a golden cobra walking alongside a green skinned man dressed as an Egyptian Pharaoh.

The leprechaun recognized the golden cobra as Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland at Tara on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2018.

He recognized the green skinned man dressed like an Egyptian Pharaoh as the god Osiris from pictures he had seen of the deity from an Egyptology course that the leprechaun had taken at Trinity College in Dublin many years ago.

“So,” Osiris boasted, “friends of mine have arranged for the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this coming Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland UK border to forever enslave all of Britain to the European Union of which I shall someday become Pharaoh.”

“So if I help you become Pharaoh of Europe,” Maitreya spoke, “I shall remain High King of Ireland once the Republic and the North join together as one.”

“That is correct,” Osiris nodded.

“What about this British MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Maitreya asked, “Won’t he put a damper in your plans?”.

“I shall have to find away to deal with this man who used to be Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for my brother Set,” Osiris seethed.

A text message went off on the green deity’s smart phone.

Osiris looked at it, “It’s from George Soros.”

“Is he afraid that Donald Trump has found out that the Democratic National Committee server was in fact based in Ukraine and that’s how it was so easy for the Russians to hack it?” Maitreya inquired.

“We shall see,” Osiris took the call.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 2nd
2019.

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Irish Leprechauns Slain By Serpent

May 27, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Irish Leprechauns Slain By Serpent

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had arranged to meet British MP Renfield R. Renfield at London’s Highgate Cemetery the burial place of Karl Marx.

Whitstable had just come into possession of a shocking video shot by Alec O’ Connaught (the man they called the Irish Alex Jones) within the past 24 hours.

For his brave and gallant efforts in shooting the shocking video, Alec O’ Connaught found himself butchered and cut into tiny pieces by the Irish goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught and daughter of a High King of Ireland.

And as such, Alec O’ Connaught would no longer be broadcasting live from the basement of the Guinness brewery in Dublin on a program he called Infodraughtwars.

Instead he might be broadcasting dead from Purgatory in the realm of Hades provided that classical Greco-Roman god of the Underworld gave him permission.

Rather foolishly on his part, O’ Connaught gave the video directly to Whitstable rather than broadcasting it live on his Infodraughtwars program where it would have most likely enjoyed the greatest most viewed and most watched occultic conspiracy theory videos status in YouTube history.

But O’ Connaught decided to hand the video to Whitstable for viewing first and broadcast it later.

O’ Connaught had his throat slashed later that early morning in the Guinness brewery basement by the goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught.

His last words before dying were “Glug! Glug! Glug!” as he had his mouth attached to one of the kegs of Guinness draught in a ritual he always performed before going live on the air.

Whitstable when he saw the video in the Interpol office in London quite literally shit his pants when he saw it.

A week earlier he had run into Renfield buying 1500 grams of cheese 🧀 in the dairy 🥛 section of the neighbourhood grocery store and overheard Renfield complaining to the cashier about a recent bout of irregularity he had been having.

Whitstable figured that this video would help cure him of that problem.

Renfield agreed to view the video but didn’t want to view it in his office.

The British MP had recently heard that they were going to do a midnight Sunday evening showing of the 1942 classic Hollywood film Casablanca with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman at an outdoor screen in London’s Highgate Cemetery and Renfield wanted to get there early to get a good picnic spot for his blanket.

Renfield had never seen Casablanca before and the film had come highly recommended to him by his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

So while Renfield found a good spot and set up his picnic basket (he had the food locked 🔒 away in a refrigerator under combination lock to keep it away from his friend and housemate Amadeus Emanon), Whitstable set down his projector 📽 and roll of film and began running it on the Cemetery outdoor screen while others were taking their seats on their respective picnic blankets.

The grisly video (shot by the late Alec O’ Connaught) showed the golden cobra serpent Maitreya the new High King of Ireland (recently crowned High King of Ireland 🇮🇪 on the Hill of Tara this past Saint Patrick’s Day March 17th) standing alongside his wife Cleopatra (the former Queen of Egypt resurrected from the dead by Maitreya earlier this year was Maitreya’s consort and the new High Queen of Ireland).

Dressed in gothic attire, the new High Queen of Ireland 🇮🇪 announced from the steps of a Dublin apartment building that the leprechauns unlike the majority of the Irish people had refused to recognize her consort the serpent Maitreya as the new High King of Ireland and now must pay the price.

Renfield on seeing Queen Cleopatra (dressed in gothic attire) immediately lifted his right hand and started singing his own paraphrased version of the Kylie Minogue song The Loco-Motion with accompanying gestures and movements (made popular by members of the Perilous Physicists’ Society).

Renfield ended up shooting a London policeman who wanted to arrest the MP for performing an act of public indecency.

Meanwhile on the screen, the Whitstable projector 📽 showed the Alec O’ Connaught film of Maitreya the serpent (who had grown a pair of reptilian arms and reptilian legs) with a golden sword and the Irish goddess Maeve the former Queen of Connaught with a silver sword going and slaughtering all the leprechauns of Ireland 🇮🇪.

The blood of the leprechauns soon reached as high as the top of the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) on the County Meath landmark of the Hill of Tara.

Billionaire investor George Soros (who was in Ireland having backed the winning side in a recent Irish referendum) broke into tears on the nearby hill of Rath Maeve saying, “Why didn’t you ask them where they had buried their pots of gold before killing them?”.

Meanwhile Renfield’s irregularity came to an abrupt end upon viewing the slaughter of the leprechauns in the O’ Connaught film.

As did the irregularity of all other moviegoers sitting upon their picnic blankets.

“Bloody Hell,” cried the cemetery caretaker (much to the shock of a nearby English Roman Catholic priest recently personally ordained by Pope Francis), “this is going to be one Hell of a mess to clean up tomorrow morning.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 27th
2018.

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Cleopatra and The Serpent At Tara On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Serpent At Tara On Saint Patrick’s Day

At a Buddhist temple in London, one of the monks awoke and went into the meditation room to pray.

He was shocked to discover that the giant statue of the Future Buddha To Come had been stolen.

He immediately went and told one of his fellow monks, “The statue of the Maitreya has been stolen.”

“How,” his brother monk asked, “could such a large statue have been stolen?”.

. . .

Inside a cave deep in the Himalayas on the Nepal-Tibet border, the sleeping giant golden cobra awakened.

He then left his cave and astral projected himself to Egypt.

But the cobra had such a highly developed mind (that physicists at their peril could only dream of) that he was able to take his physical form body to Egypt with him along with his astral body.

. . .

The golden cobra was in the burial chamber of the tomb of Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt.

His eyes projected a golden ray that caused the lid of the Queen’s sarcophagus to raise.

He then leaned over the sarcophagus and peered in looking at the royal mummy.

Once again its eye emitted a golden ray that disintegrated the bandages into oblivion.

Its other eye then emitted another golden ray that caused flesh to form on the skeleton.

With both its eyes, it then cast a golden ray as bright as the light of the sun on Cleopatra’s body.

And the Queen returned to life in all her regal beauty and splendour.

“I am naked,” the Queen said as she looked down.

“Does your beauty really need to be covered with clothes?” The cobra asked in a voice as eloquent as that of Sir Laurence Olivier playing Hamlet.

“But I am a Queen,” Cleopatra protested, “Commoners mustn’t see me naked.”

. . .

The cobra brought the Queen’s handmaidens back to life and using royal gold buried with her, Cleopatra and her six handmaidens were astral projected by the cobra’s tongue to the fashion district of Paris France 🇫🇷 where they purchased neo-Classical Egyptian gowns from Christian Dior.

The seven Egyptian women left the salon fashion house dressed in their gowns while a group of recently resurrected male Egyptian slaves followed behind carrying a vast array of shopping bags.

“Cléopâtre,” the chauffeur of French President Emmanuel Macron exclaimed as he drove the President’s limo into a light post upon seeing the Egyptian queen.

The French President, who was in the backseat reading a National Geographic article on cougars, was unhurt.

. . .

The cobra astral projected himself along with his physical form to Ireland.

He went to the grounds of Down Cathedral in Downpatrick, County Down, Province of Armagh, Northern Ireland.

He stood by the stone that was reputed to be the burial marker for the reputed burial place of Saint Patrick.

The cobra hissed and spat on Saint Patrick’s grave.

It hissed, “Thou fool. Thy triumph was short lived. Only 16 centuries. And now the serpents have returned to Ireland.”

An old Englishman and his wife walked by observing this spectacle.

Said Cecil to his wife Marianne, “Well if snakes are going to talk, glad to see they’re talking in good old King James Bible English.”

. . .

The Golden Cobra stood on the Hill of Tara the seat of the High Kings of Ireland.

It stood atop the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) on this County Meath landmark.

The snake then drank a glass of Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale that was handed to him by Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟‍♂️ who was in a hypnotic state.

Mulligan’s boss the London based art curator and Oscar Wilde admirer Dashwood Forrest was on the nearby hill of Rath Maeve looking for Mulligan.

The goddess Maeve meanwhile joined the cobra atop the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) and a Saskatchewan Anglican priest who was also a clergyman in the Church of the Reformed Druids stood on a pair of giant stilts held up by a pair of clowns and looking down on the cobra and the goddess Maeve symbolically married the pair.

The Saskatchewan Anglican priest then found himself the victim of a human sacrifice a minute later much to his personal dismay.

The Church of the Reformed Druids was possibly not as reformed as he would have liked.

The Irish Celtic goddess Brigid then arrived on the scene and crowned the golden cobra High King of Ireland.

“And now yonder, my High Queen doth approach,” the Cobra used his astral third eye to see the beautiful Cleopatra dressed in a magnificent gown and walking across the Irish Sea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 17th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Alberta Secular Socialist Taliban

November 6, 2017 at 5:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Alberta Premier Rachel Notley and The Secular Socialist Taliban

The Himalayan golden cobra serpent who called himself Maitreya shapeshifted into a Tibetan Buddhist monk and took a guided tour of the Vatican.

Meanwhile at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a cabinet meeting in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada involving Alberta’s New Democratic Party Premier Rachel Notley and her cabinet.

The group of quasi-Marxists who governed Alberta were planning to bring in legislation that would outlaw Alberta’s Catholic School System from teaching Catholicism and the Bible in Catholic Schools.

As the Cyndi Lauper song True Colors played on the intercom throughout Set Enterprises Laboratories, Michelangelo could see Rachel Notley having her hair parted in Adolf Hitler like fashion.

She also had grown an Adolf Hitler like moustache under her nose.

“Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is a true example of a practicing Catholic,” Der Female Fuehrer Rachel Notley prejudicially announced as she began her cabinet meeting.

“I have to wholeheartedly agree,” agreed Alberta Education Minister David Eggen who had gone from blondish bookish looking nerd with glasses 👓 to looking like the spitting image of Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels in Michelangelo’s vision.

“We must also outlaw adult only apartment buildings in the province,” mooed a female member of Notley’s cabinet who had obviously never heard of the words Weight Watchers in her entire life.

“Agreed,” Eggen chortled, “the greatest threat to any totalitarian society like that which we’re planning for this province is having writers and artists with a free mind being allowed to create and express themselves openly. Usually such individuals like peace and quiet and don’t like to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats. We’ll make sure they have nowhere to hide. They’ll be forced to listen to the voices of screaming whining little brats if they can’t afford to live in a house. Since we’re going to eliminate adults only apartment buildings.”

Notley chortled like the cronish form of the Greek goddess Hecate in heat, “It’s such a delight living in a dictatorship. Provided of course you’re one of the dictatorial elite.”

Her cabinet bellowed and mooed in agreement.

“I declare this meeting adjourned,”
Notley banged her gavel.

The female members of the cabinet rushed to a Lesbian All-Star Wrestling 🤼‍♀️ Show being held in town while the male members departed to a gay sauna.

Michelangelo’s vision ended with a new music group who called themselves George Orwell’s Animal Farm singing those old Gordon Lightfoot song lyrics, “Alberta bound, Alberta bound, It’s good to be Alberta bound…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 6th
2017.

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