Alfred Hitchcock Sings Good Night Irene Or Was It Good Evening?

August 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

In the Malaysian province of Sarawak, the owner of a large farm sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on his large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Slamat lemai…”

In the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur, a Malaysian bank executive sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on her large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Selamat petang…”

In London, England, Amadeus Emanon sat down to watch that old TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents on the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s large screen TV.

Hitchcock said, “Good evening…”

In his motel room in Virginia, Renfield was rehearsing for a conversation with a Malaysian woman over Skype he’d be having later that evening.

“You’re very bajik,” Renfield rehearsed his Iban.

He paused.

“You’re very cantik,” he rehearsed his Malay.

From the motel room to the right of him, he heard a wife sob to her husband, “You never tell me I’m pretty anymore…”

Renfield then imagined what the woman would say back to him…

“You’re very sigat,” she’d say in Iban.

“You’re very tampan,” she’d then say in Malay.

“I find Johnny Depp so handsome,” said the 78-old-grandmother in the motel room to the left of him, “I’d like to fuck his brains out…”

“Grandma,” admonished her granddaughter, “not in front of the great-grandkids…”

“Of course I wouldn’t do it in front of the great-grandkids,” the elderly woman retorted, “I’d take Johnny into the shower with me…”

On Renfield’s motel room TV screen, an emergency bulletin flashed on the screen.

The announcer said, “We interrupt this episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents to inform you that a state of emergency has been declared in Virginia, North Carolina, Maryland, New Jersey and New York due to fears of a direct hit by the looming monster storm Hurricane Irene…”

“Holy shit,” Renfield said as he looked at the screen.

He had no idea what the Iban and Malay words were for the phrase he just used.

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment