Haiku About The Snake-Dragon Woman of Sarawak Malaysian Village Folklore
Haiku About The Snake-Dragon Woman of Sarawak Malaysian Village Folklore
Boys tease snake-dragon
She warns she’ll eat them at night
See boys cry pout run
Haiku About Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17
Haiku About Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17
Flight MH17
Ukraine’s war adds to the tears
of Malaysian grief
Haiku About The Last Flight of MH370
Haiku About The Last Flight of MH370
Plane falls to ocean
there’s salt water everywhere
sea plus flood of tears
Renfield Seeks A Knighthood
Renfield Seeks A Knighthood
Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan the butler were having a tough time around the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set these days.
For Renfield R. Renfield had become an insufferable braggard.
Well even more of an insufferable braggard than usual.
He had returned from Paris almost a month ago after being hailed as a national hero by the French for cutting off the ear of the most unpopular judge on the Parisienne Idol talent show.
Now it was said by many that Renfield was the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human that Simon Cowell was most afraid of.
In addition to that, Renfield had recently started watching the American television show The Blacklist.
Now he was busy boasting to Amadeus and Athelstan that the show’s character of Raymond “Red” Reddington was most likely modeled on him Renfield R. Renfield.
“Notice that even our initials are the same- R. R. R.,” Renfield bragged.
And of course Renfield had never let anyone forget the fact that he had been nominated for the French Legion of Honour Medal for cutting off the Parisienne Idol judge’s ear.
Even the Vampire Set had been spending most of his time either outside the mansion giving advice to the Bank of England or safely locked away in his sarcophagus in the mansion’s Egyptology Room as part of his effort to escape Renfield’s nauseating bragging.
“Even the Paris atmosphere likes me,” Renfield boasted after downing several kegs of Newcastle Brown Ale which he had mistaken for barrels of naturally pure London rainwater, “when I was in Paris, the air was clear. Now the City is enveloped in smog with me gone.”
The ghastly Paris smog had caused the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to be rushed to hospital after she flew into the Eiffel Tower while she was out flying because she couldn’t see where she was going due to the heavy smog.
While being admitted to the hospital emergency room, she did a lot of complaining not because of her injuries but because she had ruined her €50,000 Versace evening dress.
Now Renfield R. Renfield’s next goal in life was to receive a knighthood from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
“Do you suppose Her Majesty the Queen will ever give me a knighthood?” Renfield had asked Athelstan causing the butler to spill tea and crumpets all over himself when Renfield asked the question.
After reading a blog entry written by his boss Set’s mortal enemy (as opposed to Set’s immortal enemy the Vampiress Isis) the Canadian vampire hunter Christopher Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield got an idea.
Being the excellent hacker he was, he started hacking into various communications systems all over the Asia-Pacific and Indian Ocean regions.
Finally Renfield noticed a very intriguing pattern as he analyzed various satellite and tracking maps.
“Malaysia used to be a British colony didn’t it, Athelstan?” Renfield asked the encyclopedically knowledgeable butler and valet.
“Yes, sir,” Athelstan answered as he carefully carried the tray of tea and crumpets down the hallway.
“Do you suppose the Queen would give me a knighthood if I was the one who found the location of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370?” Renfield asked.
A loud crash could be heard coming from the hallway.
“I was so looking forward to that plate of tea and crumpets,” Amadeus sighed from the next room.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 16th
2014.
Haiku About Missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370
Haiku About Missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370
MH370
two hundred thirty-nine souls
vanish without trace
Haiku About Restless Butterfly
Haiku About Restless Butterfly
Here is a haiku I wrote about my friend Kriztina who lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. She writes a blog at Xanga under the name RestlessButterfly.
Restless Butterfly
Malaysia’s priceless jewel
a monarch with wings
Renfield Gets Into The Tuak
“What are you drinking there, Amadeus?” Renfield asked when he noticed Amadeus sipping from a bottle.
There were several other bottles of similar shape and size all unopened.
“It’s called Tuak and it’s considered a drink of hospitality among the Iban in the Malaysian province of Sarawak,” Amadeus replied.
“I thought the boss told you to quit sampling things Malaysian,” Renfield frowned.
“Don’t worry,” Amadeus smiled, “Tuak isn’t as expensive as Empurau fish.”
“Hm, maybe I should try a swig,” Renfield opened a bottle of Tuak and started downing the liquid in a single gulp.
“Careful,” Amadeus cautioned, “that Tuak has a high concentration of alcohol. You might start doing silly things.”
“Nonsense,” Renfield waved him off, “I can handle it.”
* * *
Several hours later on the BBC Evening News on TV, the announcer announces,
“And in other news, Mr. Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence for Set Enterprises Ltd. was arrested outside Buckingham Palace earlier tonight where he was caught loudly singing a Katy Perry song much to the displeasure of Her Majesty’s ear drums… here’s the video…”
Renfield (being led away in police handcuffs and loudly singing):
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right…
Athelstan the valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set remarked to Amadeus, “I’m afraid Master Renfield will never be able to live this down…”
To be continued.
Vampire Set Gets A Food Bill For 4500 British Pounds
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set almost had a heart attack (he would have if he had been a mere mortal) when he noticed his estate’s food bill.
“In the name of Amun-Ra,” Set swore, “we paid 4500 pounds sterling just for one single piece of fish.”
“Apparently,” Renfield nodded, “the fish was a 10 kilogram Empurau or Emperor fish. It’s an exotic variety of fish that’s found in the Malaysian province of Sarawak on the island of Borneo. It can apparently cost up to RM 6,000 in Malaysian currency or roughly $2,000 in U.S. currency. So it’s no surprise that it cost us 4500 pounds sterling.”
“But who the Hell ordered it?” Set asked.
“Amadeus,” Renfield answered, “he’s developed an appetite for Malaysian cuisine recently.”
“Well please tell Amadeus to develop an appetite for a less expensive form of cuisine,” Set ordered.
“Will do, sir,” Renfield made a note of that on his iPad.
“By the way,” Set asked, “did you or I or Athelstan get to taste a piece of this Empurau fish?”.
“No,” Renfield shook his head, “Amadeus ate all 10 kilograms of it by himself at one sitting.”
“Amadeus,” it was the voice of Amadeus’s date for the evening the New Orleans singer Angelique Dumont at the front door of the mansion, “you seem to have put on a lot of weight since I last saw you.”
To be continued.
Jack O’ Hare On Mount Kinabalu
Jack O’ Hare On Mount Kinabalu
A poem written by Christopher Van Helsing
Wednesday evening September 28th 2011
Inspired by an old Kadazandusun legend
related by Quareztina Sandai
Jack O’ Hare was wondering where his friend went
he did not know Chris was paying apartment rent
so he set off to the big city in search of his pal
oblivious to Swiss CERN reactors raising Hell
they caused a warp in time
and sent Jack crashing into lime
on the top of Mount Kinabalu
and as a cow did moo
there was Prince Wu
practicing Kung Fu.
With a whack the prince hit a dragon on the head
so hard the dragon was very soon dead
and then the prince found a pearl of great price
while Jack ordered some Borneo fried rice.
The prince found a Kadazan woman so pretty
he married her in front of a priest so witty
that Jack laughed so hard his pants he pissed
while the happy couple kissed and kissed.
But Prince Wu already had a girl back home in Beijing
and after his honeymoon night left without packing
the jilted bride
cried and cried
wandering Mount Kinabalu
her tears turned to dew
and she turned to stone
causing Jack to moan.
Jack set out to avenge the girl
and hopped over mountains to whirl
like the wind of rage that he was
he met his Chinese hare coz
and aunts and uncles
sailing small junkles
he reached the Forbidden City
his determination gritty.
He found Prince Wu
near the Imperial Zoo
he found a baker and baked the prince a cake
then he found the prince near a lake
and said, “Have a piece…
your hunger will cease.”
So the Prince ate the cake
which baker did shake and bake
and Jack filled with laxatives
amidst the ancient Plaxadives
(what those were now lost to history)
and like twinkling eye full of mystery
the Prince died of a massive bowel movement
while Jack happy danced the groove-ment
(a groovy dance on the pavement
eating donuts filled with jellymint).
And so ends our sad tale…
now lost like history’s mail
the Kadazan woman avenged
after she turned to Stonehenge
on Mount Kinabalu
where her tears are the dew.
Dracul Van Helsing 
My Theory On What Might Have Happened To Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370
March 14, 2014 at 6:32 pm (Commentary, Detective story, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Personal essays) (electronic warfare, Flight MH370, Freescale Semiconductor, Kuala Lumpur to Beijing route, Malaysia, Malaysia Airlines, Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, MH370, plane sabotage)
My Theory On What Might Have Happened To Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370
One of my favourite TV shows is the show Elementary that stars Jonny Lee Miller as a modern Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu as a female Dr. Watson.
Sherlock Holmes in books and in the movies and now on television has always been a role model for me.
Once when I posted a comment about Sherlock Holmes on a FB acquaintance’s status, this guy insulted Sherlock Holmes saying Chuck Norris was way better so I unfriended him and haven’t friended him back since which shows how much I like Sherlock Holmes.
Anyways the new show Elementary shows how criminals use the super advanced technology of this decade (which most of us are unaware of since technology is changing and developing so fast nowadays- as the Prophet Daniel predicted- Knowledge shall be increased to and fro) to try to get away with their crimes.
So it’s having watched this show which probably led me to come up with this theory.
That and all sorts of peculiar things I’ve been noticing with computers and on-line networking sites and digital age electronics the past few weeks.
When I first read that 20 employees of the Texas based international company Freescale Semiconductor were on Flight MH370, I remember that bothered me extremely when I read it and I couldn’t help shaking off the feeling that somehow that was significant.
That and the past few days how the world’s best aviation experts have been totally baffled by the plane’s mysterious disappearance.
So that started me wondering if whatever forces are at play here is something totally new and that’s why the world’s best in the fields of aviation are totally at loss for an explanation here.
So I decided to google Freescale Semiconductor and read and see what sort of work it is they do exactly.
Freescale has operations in 20 countries including Malaysia and China.
Freescale has a facility that operates in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia.
The facility opened in 1972 and is specifically designed for the manufacturing and testing of microprocessors, digital signal processors and integrated radio circuits.
The 20 Freescale staff who were aboard MH320 were flying to China to work at a Freescale facility there.
But here is where it really gets interesting as far as my theory goes:
Freescale Semiconductor also owns Freescale RF which does work on behalf of the U.S. aerospace and Defence sector.
Their work there involves designing technology and equipment for battlefield communications, avionics (which are the electronics systems used on aircraft, satellites and spacecraft), missile guidance and electronic warfare.
Now it’s strange that 20 employees of a firm whose work in technology could be used to bring down a plane happened to be on board a plane that mysteriously disappeared.
Now in my vampire novel where the ancient Egyptian vampire Set, the Egyptian Vampiress Isis and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec battle one another for world domination, there’s a lot of intrigue and international espionage going on.
And things happen which the world doesn’t understand but there is a message being sent to one of the other world players that the player fully understands what the meaning of this event or action means for him or her.
Now suppose some of the world’s leading powers are involved in a race to be able to electronically bring down an aircraft, satellite or spacecraft leaving behind no trace of their diabolical form of electronic espionage and warfare.
How do you convey to the other powers involved in this race that you’ve become the first to master this technology?
By giving a demonstration of the Promethian titanic power you now hold in your hands.
Now suppose both the United States government and China are involved in this particular technological race (which they probably are).
One of the companies that may be helping out both the U.S. and China in this race is Freescale.
And suppose some of the engineers and technicians involved in this research are flying together on a plane from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing?
LOL ! thinks one of the individual power players who has achieved this technology first.
“I’ll use it to bring down this plane that has some of my rival competitors’ workers on board!”
And so Flight MH370 goes down without a trace.
The flight’s black box recorder has been totally disabled and is unable to send out tracking signals.
All communication to and from the cockpit disabled.
The plane totally vanishes off the radar.
Hundreds of innocent people die in addition to the Freescale employees.
But heck when you’re power hungry bent on world domination using the latest in technology and electronic warfare at your disposal that’s not going to bother you any.
And so that’s my theory.
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