Maria Alexa Romanova

April 19, 2022 at 10:31 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova

The Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova (a second cousin once removed to the late Czar of Russia Nicholas II) sat on her cushioned double headed Phoenix throne in her Paris hotel room in the year 1936.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at her feet where he had landed after coming from the future using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern for time travel.

The ghost of Orson Welles had accompanied him.

Welles’ ghost had landed in a comfortable arm chair in the hotel room and was even now sampling a glass of champagne next to him as well as a dish of Black Sea caviar.

“Who are you?” The Grand Duchess and 12th in line to the Russian Imperial Throne asked.

“I’m Dracul Van Helsing and this is my friend the ghost of Orson Welles,” the vampire hunter replied.

“But I thought Orson Welles was still alive,” Maria stated, “A rising young star on both stage and radio.”

“I was back in the day,” Welles licked his ghostly fingers, “But I died on October 10th 1985 after giving what turned out to be my last interview on the Merv Griffin Show where I talked about the happiness of hedgehogs, my sex life and Rita Hayworth.”

“I hope only two of those things are connected in that last statement you made,” Dracul looked concerned.

“You’re from the future?” Maria Alexa looked surprised, “Why are you here?”.

“Because Franz Kohler the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and a vampire intends to kidnap you,” Van Helsing answered.

“But why?” The Grand Duchess leaned back on her cushiony throne.

“Something to do with the Ukrainian Azov Nazi Battalions,” Van Helsing replied.

“The… what?” Maria tried to grasp what was being said.

“Nazis of our time period in the early 21st Century,” Van Helsing explained, “The brainless mainstream media of our day in the West don’t talk about them because they don’t want to admit that Vladimir Putin could be right about anything.”

“Vladimir…?” The name froze on the Grand Duchess’ tongue.

“Putin,” Welles finished the last of his Black Sea caviar, “Russia’s leader of our day.”

“Glad to see that pig Stalin didn’t find the secret to immortality,” Maria Alexa breathed a sigh of relief.

“No but Transhumanist billionaire oligarchs of our day are working on it for themselves,” Welles’ ghost got on the phone and asked Room Service to send some spectral coq au vin up to the room, “although Stalin does have a number of ardent disciples in the Western world such as a pale faced lily white boy named Justin Castro Trudeau who lives in Ottawa Canada and is jealous of the appearance of African-Americans.”

“What is the connection between this Ahnenerbe SS officer Franz Kohler and the Ukrainian Nazi Azov Battalions?” The Grand Duchess inquired.

“They’re all disciples of the Black Sun,” Van Helsing answered.

“The Black Sun?” Maria Alexa was surprised by all these terms.

“The Black Sun is really a brownish red dwarf star called Nemesis which orbits around the planet Nibiru as it travels across the galaxy,” Van Helsing noted, “First noted in little known ancient Egyptian texts and Franz Kohler became obsessed with them. Solar winds from Nemesis may have combined with solar winds from our own sun named Sol Invictus in terms of cosmology to have produced a rather spectacular display of the Aurora Borealis Northern Lights back on January 25th 1938 in fulfillment of the Virgin Mary’s prophecy at Fatima that this would be the sign the Second World War would soon start.”

“What does all this have to do with me?” Maria wanted to know.

“We’re not sure but we want to prevent Franz Kohler from kidnapping you and taking you back to the future to the city of Kiev,” Van Helsing sat beside the Grand Duchess.

“There’s only a limited time period for Kohler to kidnap you before his time travel debit card expires,” Welles finished the champagne, “Ah, I see looking at my Dick Tracy style spectral television wrist watch that our partner in time Michelangelo has just successfully used one of his Hydra blood dipped lobster antennae to jab and poison Franz Kohler in his ankle in the lobby of the hotel. This means you’re safe, Your Imperial Highness.”

“So what shall we do now?” The Grand Duchess asked.

“How about make love?” Van Helsing suggested.

The two were soon making out on the large cushioned double headed Phoenix throne just as Room Service arrived with the coq au vin.

“That would be for me,” Welles motioned to the bell boy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 19th
2022.

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