Lepardia Marango Plans To Save Renfield’s Life While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Groundhog For Groundhog Day

February 2, 2019 at 11:52 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Lepardia Marango the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London in a Film Noir genre style photo shoot with the ghost of classic filmmaker Orson Welles

Lepardia Marango was officially the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Unofficially she was a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service.

Today she was being a model for the ghost of Orson Welles who was doing a Film Noir genre style photo shoot using colour film photography.

Most of the great Film Noir movies of the 1940s and 1950s were shot in black and white although a few were shot in colour.

The 1982 film Blade Runner which could be seen as a Film Noir movie, classic 1940s style detective tale and futuristic sci-fi thriller combined in one was shot in colour.

As was the 1997 film L.A. Confidential (which was sort of a combination Film Noir genre style movie and classic early 1950s style crime police drama) shot in colour.

Now Welles' ghost was trying his spectral hand at shooting a Film Noir himself in colour.

Welles had recently been in Chicago caught in the polar vortex snow storm from Hell that had been caused by the Norse goddess called Hel.

But he got tired of being a spectator at tantric sex encounters where Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was busy making out with various vampiresses, goddesses and women mystics.

So Welles returned to his current earthly home in London, England (Welles had been granted dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld in order to be able to serve as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

When the photo shoot was over, Lepardia Marango returned to her apartment.

While there, she received a text message from the South African cultural attache in Moscow (who was also a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service).

Apparently the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was in London where she was planning to assasinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield at a darts tournament at the Clytemnestra's Revenge and Agamemnon's Bathtub Pub and Beef House in London.

The plot had been arranged by Russia's Vladimir Putin, Turkey's Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Pakistan's Imran Khan (whom Renfield had threatened to blow his testicles off with a .44 Magnum unless Asia Bibi was allowed to leave Pakistan) and Svetlana had been selected to carry it out.

Lepardia entered the pub where she shouted "Stop!" causing Renfield to miss his shot and lose the tournament but saving his life.

. . .

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was in upstate New York where he would be sacrificing a live groundhog to show the world what a kind and compassionate person he was.

Joining him in the furry little weather prognosticator's sacrifice was Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam who mercifully was wearing a paper bag over his head so no one would recognize him now that his racist Ku Klux Klan college photo from 1984 had gone viral.

The groundhog was sacrificed in front of a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate: To whose statue the poor little groundhog was sacrificed

After the sacrifice, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo received a text message from Pope Francis where the pontiff bestowed on the leading Democratic Party politician a special apostolic blessing.

Not far from the Bishop of Rome stood Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal who, along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, had taken over the Vatican back on October 13th 2017.

Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal who had recently dyed her hair red in honour of the recent Super Blood Wolf Moon.

"Well," Allatallahbel laughed, "It doesn't look like Vitae (which was the name of the little groundhog in Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York- editor's note) will be around to enjoy either a late spring or an early spring."

. . .


The Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic calls out to Dracul Van Helsing in her hotel room in the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago,
"Once more for new time's sake please, Mr. Van Helsing."

. . .

Meanwhile in Nairobi Kenya, the Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro had been informed that the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler undead and very very very late of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau was up to some sort of nefarious activity in Kenya.


The Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro on the lookout for the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 2nd
2019.

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Dracul Van Helsing Meets Maria Orsic

January 31, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


The Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic calls out to Dracul Van Helsing from the window of her Chicago hotel room.

Dracul Van Helsing used the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype magic lanterns for his time travel.

They were a type of image projecting magic lantern that projected black and white film images.

This magic lantern had been invented by the Hungarian-American magician Harry Houdini, the Serbian-American inventor Nikola Tesla and the Greek-American movie producer and movie house theatre chain owner Alexander Pantages working together to develop it in 1925.

Houdini claimed to have gotten the idea for this magic lantern from a magician’s assistant of his named Serena who claimed to have gotten the idea from Thoth the Egyptian god of time.

However the magic lantern still seemed incapable of allowing time travel.

Eventually the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype magic lantern came into the hands of Orson Welles.

In the early morning hours of October 31st 1938 (a few hours after his infamous War of The Worlds radio broadcast), an entity claiming to be a Martian who intensely disliked the state of New Jersey (and why did Welles allow him to land there in his broadcast?) gave Welles further tips on how to tweak the magic lantern to allow time travel.

Welles’ tweaking helped somewhat but it wasn’t enough.

It remained for the magic lantern to fall into the possession of the Austrian-American film actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr (the woman who in the early 1940s invented the wireless radio technology that eventually became Bluetooth and Wi-Fi) to put the final touches on the magic lantern to make it time travel capable.

Lamarr added those finishing touches to the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype in January of 1949.

Hearing the news that an evil member of the Ahnenerbe Nazi Occult Bureau Franz Kohler was still alive and anxious to get his hands on the device, Hedy Lamarr hid it in a West Hollywood movie theatre (that still exists today as a repertory theatre that plays old movies).

She informed Welles where she had placed the magic lantern.

The secret died with them.

However when Hades and Persephone allowed the ghost of Orson Welles to leave the realm of Hades along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill to serve as spirit advisors to British MP Renfield R. Renfield, the ghost of Orson Welles had informed Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing of its location on New Year’s Day of this year.

Dracul visited the West Hollywood repertory movie theatre on January 14th of this year where he made out with the Greek goddess Athena who was appearing in black and white on the screen.

And Dracul had been time travelling on and off again ever since.

Today in a time warp between the Chicago of a 1930s Hollywood film set and the actual Chicago of today January 31st 2019, he was summoned to enter the hotel room of the Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic (who was Nikola Tesla’s secret love).

Maria Orsic invites Dracul Van Helsing in for a cosmic tantric sex encounter. Dracul obliges.

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Semiramis, Jack The Ripper and The Autumn of Terror

January 21, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon was grateful to the time travelling vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing for having rescued her from Jack The Ripper

“I see you’ve changed the colour of your dress,” Dracul Van Helsing noted as he approached the Mystery Woman of Babylon in her Whitechapel London apartment, “you’ve gone from a full length scarlet red evening dress to a white silk nightgown with black lingerie top.”

“I only wear scarlet when I’m riding a seven headed beast,” Semiramis replied.

“And so you wear black and white when you’re riding a one headed beast,” Dracul answered as he raised her dress and brought her down on top of him in one massive volcanic eruption of tantric sex.

The resulting climactic earthshaking tremors shook the Westminster Houses of Parliament, Saint Paul’s Cathedral and the headquarters of Scotland Yard.

The Kraken who was Jack the Ripper had tried to kill Semiramis earlier that evening:

The Ripper/Kraken had seized her in a Whitechapel alley behind the Crown and Horns Pub:

As a raven squawked “Nevermore” while sitting on a ledge, the Ripper/Kraken was set upon by a white wolf with blue eyes, a black jaguar with silver eyes and the time travelling Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Following his catastrophic sea testicles dismembering, the Ripper returned to his human form that night when he decided to kill again:

Meanwhile at another moment in time- approaching midnight on the evening of January 21st 2019, Donald Trump woke up in his room shrieking to his English butler and valet Lexington that he had had a nightmare where his sea testicles had been dismembered.

Lexington put down the copy of Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s The Rime of The Ancient Mariner that he had been reading, took off his glasses, got out of bed, put on his dressing robe and went to the room next door to see what the Donald was bitching about.

And at another moment in time, the late Nikola Tesla’s secret love the Austrian-Croatian spiritist medium for the German Vril Society Maria Orsic had on her lap a briefcase containing the Nazi UFO Flying Saucer plans on the date of May 8th 1945 when Nazi Germany (but not the Third Reich) had announced its surrender:

The plans were later bought by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman for $10 billion at Christie’s Auction House in London this past December.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 21st
2019

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

“I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

. . .

Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 6th
2018.

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