The Kraken Na₱oleon VI and Medusa On A Na₱oleonic Anniversary

December 2, 2022 at 8:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

  • Medusa the former Gorgon standing among some Grecian ₱illars in ₱aris
  • It was on this day December 2nd back in 18O4 that Na₱oleon Bona₱arte crowned himself Em₱eror of France.
  • The Kraken who called himself Na₱oleon VI (and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bona₱artist ₱arty) decided to celebrate the occasion by re-enacting the coronation ceremony at a faux Grecian tem₱le located in an art gallery in ₱aris.
  • Notre Dame Cathedral in ₱aris (where the original coronation of Em₱eror Na₱oleon I had taken ₱lace) was still unavailable as a result of the A₱ril 2O19 fire and was still in the ₱rocess of being turned into a hideous Disneyland version of a tem₱le to Secular Humanism as envisioned by Antichrist French ₱resident Emmanuel Macron.
  • ₱laying the role of the Em₱ress Jose₱hine was the Kraken Na₱oleon VI’s wife Medusa the former Gorgon.
  • Medusa’s head and body had been located by the Set Enter₱rises Archaeology Unit back in the mid-2O1Os.
  • Set Enter₱rises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had reattached Medusa’s head to her body and brought the Gorgon back to life.
  • Dr. Cadbury Rocher used his ₱ersonally invented robotic barber Edward Scissorhands II to give Medusa a haircut ridding her of her snaky ser₱entine hair thus making her a former Gorgon.
  • Medusa eventually married the Kraken who called himself Na₱oleon VI and saw himself as the successor to the Em₱eror Na₱oleon I (the ex-Cor₱oral Na₱oleon Bona₱arte) and the Em₱eror Na₱oleon III (the former ₱rince Louis-Na₱oleon Bona₱arte the first ₱resident of France).
  • The coronation ceremony was overseen by an atheistic Jewish Rastafarian from Australia.
  • Uncle Ernie, as the Coronation Ceremony Justice of the ₱eace and High ₱riest/High ₱riestess called himself, had been ₱laying the role of Cumelita on stage in Melbourne one moment and the next he was ₱lacing a crown on the head of the Kraken in ₱aris before the Kraken grabbed the Crown with one of his 8 arms and crowned himself Em₱eror.
  • But such la₱ses in both consciousness and time had ha₱₱ened to Uncle Ernie before given his extensive use of hallucinogenic and ₱sychedelic drugs (although he never did get around to writing his Master’s Thesis on the work of Timothy Leary. He had even forgotten which university he had a₱₱lied to get into the Master’s In ₱sychology ₱rogram).
  • After the coronation, a huge ₱arty with ₱lenty of caviar and hallucinogenics ensued.
  • The Kraken then flew to Moscow where he was ho₱ing to negotiate a Christmas truce between Russia and Ukraine to tem₱orarily sto₱ the war and the fighting during the Christmas season.
  • A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Friday December 2nd
  • 2O22.

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  • The Kraken Visits Conflans-Sainte-Honorine

    October 17, 2020 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

    The Kraken known as Napoleon VI was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party and was a sitting member of the French National Assembly.

    He, along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon, was currently visiting the French town of Conflans-Sainte-Honorine some 30 km (20 miles) northwest of central Paris.

    They were here under sad circumstances.

    To visit the College du Bois d’Aulne where a teacher at the school Samuel Paty had been beheaded yesterday by an Islamist terrorist as he walked down a street heading from the school towards his home.

    Mr. Paty had been a history and geography teacher at the school and had recently given a class lecture on freedom of thought and freedom of expression with reference to Charlie Hebdo a French satirical magazine that had published cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad in 2015.

    For that action, the office of Charlie Hebdo was attacked by Islamist terrorists and several members of the staff were killed.

    The trial over that attack had recently begun.

    Three weeks ago an Islamist terrorist had stabbed a couple of people outside the former offices of Charlie Hebdo apparently oblivious to the fact that the satirical magazine had moved to another location.

    Mr. Paty had shown his class pictures of the cartoons that Charlie Hebdo magazine had published.

    This made Samuel Paty a marked man.

    The murderer of Mr. Paty was Abdoulakh A. an 18-year-old Chechen from Russia who lived in the Normandy town of Evreux about 100 km (62 miles) from the murder scene and had no apparent previous connection with the teacher or the school.

    Apparently Abdoulakh had waited outside the school this past Friday and had asked students to identify the teacher.

    He followed Mr. Paty who was walking home and attacked him, inflicting multiple wounds to his head and then beheading him.

    The Islamist terrorist then posted images on social media of his victim and his severed head.

    As he continued to post photos on Twitter referring to President Emmanuel Macron and the French as “infidels” and “dogs”, police approached him.

    The terrorist fired at police with an airgun.

    They returned fire and the terrorist was shot 9 times in all.

    His subsequent demise saved the Fifth Republic of France the cost of an expensive trial.

    The Kraken and Medusa talked to some of Samuel Paty’s students- current and former.

    A father of one of the students had posted on Twitter “My daughter is in pieces, terrorized by the violence of such an act. How will I explain to her the unthinkable?”.

    Samuel Paty had been a well-liked teacher at the school.

    One of Mr. Paty’s former students Martial, 16, had said that the teacher absolutely loved his job, “He really wanted to teach us things.Sometimes we held debates in class.”

    After talking to the students and laying flowers at the site where Mr. Paty was slain, the Kraken phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield to discuss the growing terrorist threat in France.

    Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Abdulakh A. was expecting to be rewarded with 72 dark-eyed virgins and lots of cosmic celestial sex.

    Imagine his surprise when the three-headed dog Cerberus escorted him to a rotating barbeque spit over an open fire where he’d be spending his next eternity.

    “Where are the 72 dark-eyed virgins that were promised me?” Abdulakh screamed as a trio of one-eyed cyclops giants tied him to the spit and began the neverending rotation.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday October 17th
    2020.

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    Renfield’s Reflections On Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict

    September 30, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield was returning home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate from Parliament.

    He had to step over the bodies of an elite Turkish commando unit belonging to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

    The commandos had been sent to Set’s estate to kidnap Renfield.

    There they had the misfortune to run into the Set estate’s fierce guard cat Nefertiti Galore who promptly tore them to shreds.

    Once inside the house, Renfield got on his computer and got into a Skype conversation with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

    Their topic of conversation was the Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh (the territory was called Artsakh by the Armenians).

    “Peace in the region has been reigning somewhat since the 1994 ceasefire between Armenia and Azerbaijan,” Renfield explained, “but this past summer, Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey has been busy shooting his mouth off and giving vocal encouragement to Azerbaijan to take back the Nagorno-Karabakh territory by force offering Turkish military assistance if necessary.”

    “Nagorno-Karabakh once belonged to Azerbaijan?” Amadeus asked.

    “It originally belonged to Armenia but Soviet dictator Josef Stalin with his usual penchant for doing harm and rearranging territory and peoples in the old USSR on his own personal whims took Nagorno-Karabakh away from the Soviet republic of Armenia and gave it to the Soviet republic of Azerbaijan even though the majority of the territory’s citizens were ethnic Armenian. After Stalin kicked the bucket, the territory later became an autonomous region within Azerbaijan. When the USSR started falling to pieces and Gorbachev like the king in the old Humpty Dumpty rhyme couldn’t put it together again, Armenia and Azerbaijan fought a war for control of the region. A ceasefire was established in 1994 and Nagorno-Karabakh became a self-governing entity run under the control of the territory’s Armenian population,” Renfield noted.

    Meanwhile in Paris France, French President Emmanuel Macron was likewise becoming concerned at Erdogan’s words and actions in the Armenia-Azerbaijan conflict.

    Spurred on by Renfield’s comments in the British House of Commons yesterday as well as remarks made by Renfield’s French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (who was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party as well as the husband of the ex-Gorgon Medusa) in the French National Assembly, Macron was taking a stand.

    Today Macron said that he was “extremely concerned by the warlike messages” coming from Turkey.

    Adding to Macron’s concerns was a report from the Syrian Observatory For Human Rights that about 320 Syrian mercenaries (who were fighting for an anti-Assad faction backed by the Neo-Ottoman Erdogan) had been transported to Azerbaijan by pro-Erdogan Turkish security companies.

    Also today Macron warned Turkey about “warlike comments which essentially remove any inhibitions from Azerbaijan in what would be a reconquest of Nagorno-Karabakh. That we will not accept.”

    Macron also promised greater support for Armenia in the coming days, “I say to Armenia and the Armenians, France will play its role.”

    Amadeus asked Renfield, “What do you think might happen?”.

    “Well,” Renfield ate his slice of Baked Alaska cake, “About half-way through the summer, I started to wonder if the final icing on the cake for this peculiar year that is 2020 wouldn’t be the outbreak of World War III. No one saw a virus coming from China that would turn the lives upside down of everyone on the planet. Inspector Clouseau of Pink Panther movie fame once said that his mother was strangled by an Armenian phrenologist. So likewise no one thought at the start of this year that Clouseau’s mother’s revenge through a cross-dressing salesman of Turkish Delight candies residing in the Turkish Presidential Palace in Istanbul would result in World War III.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday September 30th
    2020.

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    Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary

    August 15, 2019 at 10:00 pm (History, Music, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary 

    Today was the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte’s 250th birthday.

    To celebrate the occasion the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party (this particular Kraken had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus back in June 2015) was going to blow out 250 candles on a huge Black Forest cake on the banks of the River Seine in Paris.

    Medusa (the ex-Gorgon who had married the Kraken with Pope Francis’ papal blessing back in January 2017) led the assembled crowd on the banks of the Seine into singing Happy Birthday.

    Medusa and the Paris Impromtu Singers sang,

    “Happy Birthday to you,
    Happy Birthday to you,
    Happy Birthday, dear Napoleon,
    Happy Birthday to you…”

    Everyone whistled and applauded.

    The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon (who had been granted temporary dispensational leave from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone for this occasion) wiped spectral tears from his ghostly eyes.

    The Kraken leaned over to blow the 250 candles out on the Black Forest cake when he suddenly noticed that he had totally run out of hot air (he had used up his hot air giving a speech in the European Parliament yesterday on the subject of climate change).

    His inability to blow out the candles started a massive fire on the Black Forest (that is the cake and not the forest in southwestern Germany).

    Napoleon VI the Kraken got one of his tentacles (as opposed to one of his testicles) caught on fire and started dancing up and down the banks of the River Seine going, “Ooch! Ouch! Ooch! Ouch!”.

    At that moment an otter called Jefferey de Montmartre (a DARPA operative) dived into the River Seine causing a huge splash that put the candles and the fire out.

    Medusa then began to cut the cake (which now looked more like a Baked Alaska than a Black Forest cake) and started handing slices out.

    Today was also the 50th Anniversary of the start of the Woodstock Music Festival.

    Billed as “an Aquarian exposition: 3 days of peace and music”, it was held at Max Yasgur’s 600-acre dairy farm in Bethel, New York.

    Interestingly enough, there was a pot-smoking hippy coincidentally named Rip Van Weedwrinkle who had fallen asleep just before the concert 50 years ago and now had just woken up 50 years later in one miraculous feat of survival (all a testament to the power of British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula marijuana).

    He woke up singing, “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?”.

    He raised himself up, brushed the cobwebs out of his long graying hair and beard and looked around at the empty fields that surrounded him.

    “Hey, where is everybody?” He called out, “When does the concert start? Anyone?”.

    His voice echoed through the empty fields and was answered by the Aquarian Age moo of a cow in the distance.

    -A vampire novel chapter 
    written by Christopher
    Thursday August 15th
    2019.

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