The Kraken Na₱oleon VI and Medusa On A Na₱oleonic Anniversary
The Kraken Removed From French National Assembly
Amadeus Emanon was attending Ascension Thursday evening services at Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Parish Church in West London of which he was a member.
During the sermon, Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds said, “Ascension Thursday is the commemoration of Our Lord Jesus Christ’s ascent into Heaven 40 days after His Resurrection.
This year Ascension Thursday falls on the date May 13th.
May 13th is also the Feast Day of Our Lady of Fatima. It was 104 years ago today that the Virgin Mary first appeared to 3 shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal.
May 13th on the old Roman calendar (prior to Pope Paul VI’s Novus Ordo calendar changes of 1969) was also the Feast Day of Saint Robert Bellarmine. Saint Robert Bellarmine was the Doctor of the Church who argued that if a pope has become both a heretic and an apostate, then he ceases to be Catholic and thus ceases to be Pope.
This particular May 13th- May 13th 2021- is the 40th anniversary of the day Turkish gunman and assasin Mehmet Ali Agca made an assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II in Saint Peter’s Square.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by a BBC television news interviewer.
He was asked, “What do you think of the announcement made by the U.S. Commanding General of the 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, J.P. McGee, that unvaccinated soldiers cannot take a pass or leave the base?”.
Answered Renfield, “I think Gen McGee is a Neo-Bolshevik Communist who should be court martialed and then taken out and shot by firing squad.”
. . .
Today the French National Assembly voted 205 to 85 in favour of a national vaccine passport.
A commotion was caused in the chamber when the Kraken named Napoleon VI and the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party began shouting, “This is tyranny! This is despotism! This is the opening prelude to the Antichrist’s Mark of the Beast system! Emmanuel Macron must be overthrown! Send that megalomaniacal harasser and pursuer of cougars to the guillotine! And save France from tyranny and despotism!”.
Pro-totalitarian and pro-Antichrist deputies grabbed ahold of the Kraken’s eight arms and forcibly removed him from the chamber.
His wife Medusa (and a fellow French Aquarian Age Bonapartist party deputy) was likewise removed from the chamber shouting, “I wish I still had my snakey hairstyle! I’d turn you all to stone.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 13th
2021.
Kraken’s Croissant Cravings
“French President Emmanuel Macron has tested positive for Covid-19.
Coincidentally enough a number of cougars at the Paris Zoo have also tested positive for Covid-19.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading a news story on radio.
As the Fascist Freemasonic French President Emmanuel Macron was busy self-isolating along with quite a number of cougars who were also self-isolating, French Aquarian Age Bonapartist leader The Kraken Napololeon VI was walking the streets of Paris along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.
The Kraken, who was sipping 8 cups of cognac-laced coffee at the same time, asked his wife, “Where is everybody?”.
“Under lockdown,” Medusa answered as she curled her hair with her wireless electric blow dryer and hair curler.
“Bummer,” the Kraken walked past a couple of gay Jesuit priests who suddenly found themselves frozen to a park bench captured in the activity they were engaging in, “I wonder if there’s any place that’s open. I’ve got a craving for hot buttered croissants.”
As the Kraken craved croissants, Macron missed his cougars in the French Presidential Palace.
And in a Paris hotel room, the Norse valkyrie Kara awaited the arrival of vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 18th
2020.
The Medusa Portrait
The Medusa Portrait
Dr. Lionel Jarrett a professor of Classics at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan stood looking at his daughter Eva while London art gallery curator Dashwood Forrest (owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery) stood alongside a portrait painting of the famous Medusa.
The portrait of Medusa had been painted by Oscar Wilde who was much better known for his witty repartee, his plays, his short stories, his poems, his children’s stories and his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray than he was for artistically painting pictures.
It was only recently that Dashwood Forrest in his research and investigations had uncovered that Wilde was an artist (in the painting sense of that term) as well as a writer.
Wilde had apparently painted this picture of Medusa after a wild night of drinking absinthe and trying to write a poem about her.
In his dream that inspired the painting, Wilde had Medusa sit for him while he set up his canvas, palette and paints.
Medusa had returned for this sitting just after her appointment with her gay Spartan hairdresser.
Boasted the hairdresser at her appointment, “I had 299 fellow Spartans at my backside making us a noble band of 300 but I refused to bow the knee to the King of Persia.”
The hairdresser’s bloodcurdling tale had caused serpentlike curls to form at the top of Medusa’s hair which Wilde was able to capture in this sitting.
The serpents of course never did leave Medusa’s hair.
It really was the Hairstyling Appointment From Hell.
When Wilde woke up, he discovered that he had been sleep painting and had painted the portrait to its final finish.
Dr. Lionel Jarrett looking at his daughter Eva said he’d buy the painting for her.
The ghost of Orson Welles (just recently returned from Luxor, Egypt) took a black and white photo of the happy moment.
. . .
A naked Donald Trump was in the shower showering his golden toupee as his son-in-law Jared Kushner sat blindfolded outside the clear screen see-through screen shower cubicle.
“So, Jared,” Trump was using Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, “How did you get Israel and the United Arab Emirates to agree to establish diplomatic relations with one another?”.
“Well, Ivanka asked her friend London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest to ask his friend the ex-Gorgon Medusa to visit a gay hairdresser in the town of Sparti, Greece (which lies at the site of ancient Sparta) and when she got snakes back in her hair, she was going to visit both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Abu Dhabi Crown Prince Mohammed Al Nayhan and turn them to stone unless they agreed to establish diplomatic relations with each other.”
“So the answer to establishing peace is to get stoned?” Trump asked Kushner.
Meanwhile down in his basement, Democratic Party presumptive Presidential nominee Joe Biden was talking to his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant whom he had named Sweet Dementia, “Wow, that’s really crazy, man. You mean Kamala is descended from a slave owning family on the island of Jamaica and not descended from slaves? Wow, that really blows my mind. Good thing for me, my mind was blown a long time ago. Fortunately for me, most of the mainstream news media in this country are all disinformation branches of the New World Order Ministry of Propaganda and won’t bother mentioning that. Since Kamala and I are going to bring the Marxist New World Order to America. Now, I think I’ll go take a shower, Sweet Dementia. Care to join me?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 13th
2020.
The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market
The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market
The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (because he hoped someday to become Emperor of France) and his wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) decided to head north across the border into Germany to visit one of the famous German Christmas markets.
They rented a one horse open sleigh for their journey.
As they journeyed north, the Kraken wearing red and white and a false white beard waved and said, “Ho, ho, ho” at all the passers-by.
“Mommy,” said one little girl, “I didn’t know Santa had 8 arms.”
“He has to in order to handle 8 reindeer,” her mother answered.
They soon came to a very beautiful Bavarian village with a Christmas market.
The Kraken exited the sleigh and posed for pictures with various people who were anxious to increase the likes on their Instagram accounts.
Medusa went shopping for candles and ornaments.
The Kraken then went over to a mulled wine stand and spent a great deal of time imbibing.
“Hic! Hic! Hic!” The Kraken said as he walked (or more accurately stumbled) his way towards the Christmas market central square to meet up with Medusa.
Playing at the gazebo bandstand in the Christmas market central square was the noted Norwegian jazz singer Olaf Fjordson.
His orchestra consisting of a jazz pianist, a jazz saxophonist, a jazz guitarist and a jazz violinist was behind him.
Olaf Fjordson and His Jazz Orchestra normally played the very popular wintertime jazz cafe Frozen North Orleans on the island of Spitsbergen, a jazz cafe that had been frequented by such notables as Orson Welles, Pablo Picasso, Howard Hughes and his biographer Clifford Irving.
They had been flown in from Spitsbergen to open the town’s Christmas market.
The jazz pianist was on stage trying to scrape the icicles off his piano keys.
The jazz saxophonist was holding his saxophone over an open fire as ice fell out of the mouthpiece.
The jazz guitarist was likewise scraping ice off his strings.
The jazz violinist was sitting on stage with his hands tied behind his back as his Australian Ernievarius violin (made out of winter tires) sat on his lap and therefore was not being played (for which the Christmas market crowds should be truly thankful).
As such, jazz singer Olaf Fjordson was currently singing a capella.
Sang Fjordson,
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Frostbite’s all around me
And so the feeling grows…
After singing this last line, Fjordson immediately started screaming his head off like a heavy metal singer in concert.
“That Fjordson seems to have an extensive range when it comes to varieties of musical genre,” the Kraken remarked to Medusa.
“He does indeed,” Medusa agreed.
The Kraken then checked his 8 Rolex watches and noticed that it was time for them to head off in the direction of Berlin where they were due for a midnight banquet with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
As they left, they noticed a World War I Sopwith Camel (that had flown the jazz orchestra from Spitsbergen to the Bavarian village Christmas market) being de-iced along with the pilot – a beagle wearing a World War I flying ace’s cap and goggles.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 24th
2019.
Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary
Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary
Today was the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte’s 250th birthday.
To celebrate the occasion the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party (this particular Kraken had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus back in June 2015) was going to blow out 250 candles on a huge Black Forest cake on the banks of the River Seine in Paris.
Medusa (the ex-Gorgon who had married the Kraken with Pope Francis’ papal blessing back in January 2017) led the assembled crowd on the banks of the Seine into singing Happy Birthday.
Medusa and the Paris Impromtu Singers sang,
“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Napoleon,
Happy Birthday to you…”
Everyone whistled and applauded.
The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon (who had been granted temporary dispensational leave from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone for this occasion) wiped spectral tears from his ghostly eyes.
The Kraken leaned over to blow the 250 candles out on the Black Forest cake when he suddenly noticed that he had totally run out of hot air (he had used up his hot air giving a speech in the European Parliament yesterday on the subject of climate change).
His inability to blow out the candles started a massive fire on the Black Forest (that is the cake and not the forest in southwestern Germany).
Napoleon VI the Kraken got one of his tentacles (as opposed to one of his testicles) caught on fire and started dancing up and down the banks of the River Seine going, “Ooch! Ouch! Ooch! Ouch!”.
At that moment an otter called Jefferey de Montmartre (a DARPA operative) dived into the River Seine causing a huge splash that put the candles and the fire out.
Medusa then began to cut the cake (which now looked more like a Baked Alaska than a Black Forest cake) and started handing slices out.
Today was also the 50th Anniversary of the start of the Woodstock Music Festival.
Billed as “an Aquarian exposition: 3 days of peace and music”, it was held at Max Yasgur’s 600-acre dairy farm in Bethel, New York.
Interestingly enough, there was a pot-smoking hippy coincidentally named Rip Van Weedwrinkle who had fallen asleep just before the concert 50 years ago and now had just woken up 50 years later in one miraculous feat of survival (all a testament to the power of British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula marijuana).
He woke up singing, “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?”.
He raised himself up, brushed the cobwebs out of his long graying hair and beard and looked around at the empty fields that surrounded him.
“Hey, where is everybody?” He called out, “When does the concert start? Anyone?”.
His voice echoed through the empty fields and was answered by the Aquarian Age moo of a cow in the distance.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 15th
2019.
The Kraken In Ethiopia
The Kraken In Ethiopia
After being sworn in as a Member of the European Parliament yesterday along with his wife Medusa and his British Transhumanist friends Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh vampiress Morgana, the Kraken and leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party Napoleon VI was currently in Addis Ababa Ethiopia.
Unlike members of the Brexit Party who showed bad taste and bad form by turning their backs on the European Union anthem as it was played in the European Parliament, the British Transhumanist and French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance MEPs did not do that.
Of course the Kraken, Medusa, Renfield and Morgana were all big fans of Beethoven and his Ode To Joy anyways so naturally they wouldn’t do that.
What brought the Kraken to Ethiopia was that the cyborg octopus Napoleon VI was hoping to upstage his French political rival Emmanuel Macron.
It had come to the Kraken’s attention that Macron was terribly fearful that Donald Trump’s lavish Washington DC 4th of July parade planned for tomorrow might well upstage the French President’s own Paris Bastille Day parade that would be held later this month.
However it had come to Macron’s attention that the famed Ark of the Covenant (made famous by Moses the Prophet and later Steven Spielberg) might possibly be residing in a monastery church in Aksum Ethiopia.
If Macron could convince the monk guardian of the Ark to temporarily loan it to France for this year’s Bastille Day parade, this would definitely upstage Trump and his hair raising toupee.
The Kraken, finding out about Macron’s plan, decided to go to Ethiopia himself and beat Macron’s Intelligence Service to the punch by tracking down the monk guardian of the Ark and asking him to loan it to France for this year’s Bastille Day Parade.
The Kraken visualized himself returning to Paris with a hero’s welcome as he got off the plane carrying the Ark of the Covenant in his 8 arms.
The Kraken however did not know anyone in Ethiopia who could guide him to the monastery.
Dracul Van Helsing however was friends with the Ethiopian Princess Ayesha (a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba) whom he had met in Jerusalem earlier this year.
Van Helsing had arranged for the Kraken to meet Princess Ayesha after arriving in Addis Ababa and Her Highness would take the Kraken to the monastery church in Aksum.
The Kraken went to meet Ayesha on the rooftop of her house in Addis Ababa.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 3rd
2019.
Renfield In An Age of Demonic Totalitarianism Encounters A Stone Cold Loser
Renfield In An Age of Demonic Totalitarianism Encounters A Stone Cold Loser
“Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four. If that is granted, all else follows.”
-George Orwell, 1984.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to the state dinner at Buckingham Palace that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was holding for Donald Trump.
But when he showed up wearing not a formal suit but a t-shirt that said,
VISITING LONDON FROM THE U.S. AND WANTING TO MAKE YOUR TOUPEE GREAT AGAIN?
THEN VISIT BULLWINKLE’S TOUPEE SHAMPOO SALON.
he was barred from entering on orders of British Prime Minister Theresa May.
So he went home and decided to meet Amadeus Emanon who would be spending his Monday night in his favourite cafe.
He put on a t-shirt that said
LGBTQ HISTORY MONTH
and below the quote was a drawing of Abraham’s nephew Lot, Lot’s wife and family leaving the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah as they were destroyed by The Lord God of Israel.
He then entered the cafe where Amadeus was sitting and joined him at his table.
In the corner of the cafe sat London Mayor Sadiq Khan playing chess against the neighbourhood barber.
At another table sat the Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa who were visiting England as part of Anglo-French 75th Anniversary D-Day celebrations.
“So,” Renfield ordered a coffee, “Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol just sent me a text message saying that Lenin’s ghost appeared at Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s side in Vancouver today.”
“Really?” Amadeus was eating a bagel with cream cheese, “So Trudeau is now getting advice from Lenin’s ghost as well as the demons Baal and Baphomet?”.
“Apparently,” Renfield ordered a tuna fish sandwich, “And speaking of the demons Baal and Baphomet, I got word from a Set Enterprises operative in Dublin that they were meeting with the entire Irish cabinet today.”
“Really?” Amadeus looked shocked as he bit into his mashed potatoes with gravy and fried shamrocks, “I don’t imagine Saint Patrick will be very happy about that.”
“Probably not,” Renfield remarked as he looked at what Amadeus was eating.
“What’s Whitstable doing in Vancouver?” Amadeus asked.
“He’s apparently investigating the fact that the ghost of Maximilien Robespierre has been serving as an advisor to British Columbia’s so-called Human Rights Commission the past couple of years,” Renfield sipped his coffee.
“Didn’t Pan Goatee recently behead all the members of British Columbia’s so-called Human Rights Commission for imposing a large fine on somebody for saying that a person who was born a biological male “had been born a biological male”. It happened a few months back,” Amadeus ordered a hot fudge sundae.
“He did,” Renfield nodded, “but the provincial government have appointed a new bunch of politically correct assholes to replace the deceased politically correct assholes on the commission.”
London Mayor Sadiq Khan said “Merde” after his chess opponent the barber said “Checkmate”.
Medusa, who had the snakes in her hair shaved off by a robot barber invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher, had a slight after effect of the operation.
Whenever she heard the word “Merde”, her hair would momentarily turn into snakes again.
Sadiq Khan immediately turned to stone after seeing Medusa’s snaky hair.
Just then the waiter, who was carrying a pitcher of iced water, tripped over his feet and the ice landed on top of the now stoned Sadiq Khan who had just lost a chess game.
“Well,” Renfield commented as he observed the spectacle, “it appears Donald Trump was right about one thing. Sadiq Khan the Mayor of London is a stone cold loser.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 3rd
2019.
Medusa: As she looks when her hair doesn’t have snakes in it
Dracul and Semiramis In Paris
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris waiting for the European Parliament election results to come in.
He phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was in London.
“Hi, Renfield,” Dracul greeted him, “How’s your party doing?”.
“We’re ahead of the Conservatives,” Renfield was already on his 10th cognac in celebration, “so we’ll be sending a few MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels. Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has done the best so that must have been one lucky milkshake that some protester doused him with. How is the Kraken’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party doing?.”
“Well given the results so far, the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party will be sending at least 2 MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels,” Dracul looked at the television screen inside the cafe.
“So that means the Kraken Napoleon VI himself and his wife Medusa will be sitting in the European Parliament,” Renfield lit himself a cigar.
“That will be the case,” Dracul admitted, “Have you heard how Theresa May is taking the results?”.
“According to the gypsy fortune teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia whom I ran into earlier tonight,” Renfield replied, “She says she saw Theresa May drowning her sorrows in a pub accompanied by the ghost of an 18th Century pirate.”
“Well, she’s one up on Margaret Thatcher then,” Dracul ordered a Napoleon brandy, “I don’t think the Iron Lady ever did that.”
“No, I don’t think so either,” Renfield considered the possibility, “The closest she ever got was when she said to Argentine President General Galtieri over the Falkland Islands Malvinas, your place or mine?”.
“The Kraken arrived in the cafe about an hour ago,” Dracul noticed the large octopus was downing champagne by the bucketloads, “He just got in from Tel Aviv. While there, he was told by Miranda the mermaid that sinister forces have developed a flesh eating killer seaweed designed to destroy France. Of course the Kraken already encountered that sinister piece of future sushi wrapping when he left Marseille for Tel Aviv yesterday.”
In the restaurant where Renfield was sitting, he ordered some sushi rolls from the waitress upon hearing this news.
“So, what’s new with you?” Renfield asked the vampire hunter.
“Well, a few days ago, I was kidnapped by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis while sitting in a Paris movie theatre attending a large screen showing of the movie Casablanca,” Dracul recalled.
“That must have been exciting,” Renfield was pleased by the restaurant’s quick delivery of the sushi rolls.
“It was,” Dracul smiled.
“What did she want?” Renfield said as he dove into the sushi rolls with his chopsticks.
“She wanted me to give her King Arthur’s battle banner on which was an image of a red dragon the famous Red Dragon Banner whose image is actually able to breathe fire in battle,” Dracul stated.
“And did you give it to her?” Renfield inquired.
“Oh, I gave it to her all right,” Dracul smiled again, “But not the Red Dragon Banner. That’s a family heirloom.”
“Well, I see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill are walking in through the door to join me in celebration,” Renfield finished his sushi rolls, “so I better go. Have a good night.”
“You too, my friend,” Dracul put his smartphone back in his pocket.
He looked towards a corner booth in the cafe and noticed Semiramis the legendary former Queen of Babylon sitting there.
As often happened when Dracul Van Helsing encountered goddesses and legendary queens, the setting had changed to black and white.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 26th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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