Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

May 27, 2020 at 9:45 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set were discussing the Chinese National People’s Congress recently passed new Security Law for Hong Kong.

“So you continue to stand by your claims in your Yorkshire Television interview that this new National Security law will mean the end of Hong Kong’s autonomy and freedoms?” Set inquired as he ate more live crocodiles from a nearby tank dispelling long held rumours across many millennia that he was the father of the Egyptian crocodile god Sobek (he wasn’t).

“That is correct,” Renfield ate his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

“And U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is now recommending that the U.S. Congress revoke Hong Kong’s special status as a favoured trading partner since the island will now effectively be under the control of the Beijing regime?” Set helped himself to a box of chocolates.

“He is,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “and as was to be expected, China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi and various Chinese diplomats around the world are now throwing hissy fits in the wake of Pompeo’s announcement. They’re running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and it isn’t even the Year of the Rooster.”

Set bit into his coq au vin, “And Beijing continues to influence the World Health Organization and its policies and collection of data?”.

“It does,” Renfield nodded as he ate a Devil’s food cake, “To say nothing of friendly relations between Bill Gates and the People’s Republic of China.”

“And I take it the Chinese Ministry of State Security is continuing its persecution of the underground Chinese Catholic Church with Pope Francis’ blessing and whole hearted approval?” Set bit into his Argentinian empanadas.

“They are,” Renfield admitted, “Recently Francis told China’s underground Catholics to get with the program (which is worshipping Xi Jinping as China’s national god) because as we know Pope Francis in his idiotic Abu Dhabi Declaration of last year stupidly asserted that “God wills the diversity of all religions”.

“I’m sure my conceited brother Osiris and my equally conceited nephew Horus will wholeheartedly agree,” Set lit a pipe, “I myself have reached the conclusion years ago that being a god isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.”

Set started choking on his pipe smoke.

“They say that the Roman Emperor Vespasian’s last words on his death bed were “I fear I’m becoming a god”,” Renfield acknowleged.

“Maybe we should have Xi becoming a god permanently,” Set threw a thousand year old egg into a garbage can.

“You’re suggesting that we should bump Xi Jinping off?” Renfield opened up a can of a new brand of cola called Socrates’ Non-Hemlock Cola.

“I am,” Set added a pinch of salt to his glass of Dr. Pepper.

“I’ll put in a call to my friends the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the vampiress Ho Babylon Minh right away,” Renfield picked up his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Wednesday May 27th
2020.

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Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a lounge in a London hotel and discussing the day’s NATO Summit events with his friends Mei-ling Manchu, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“So I see Donald Trump, while he was in a press conference meeting with Angela Merkel this morning,” Amadeus bit into his nut spread and sauerkraut sandwich, “said that Justin Trudeau was “two-faced”. What do you think of that description of the Canadian Prime Minister?”.

“Well, I suppose, since Justin Trudeau occasionally wears blackface,” Renfield answered, “Being “two-faced” might be an accurate description.”

“Doesn’t he also wear brown face and a turban when he’s pretending to be Aladdin’s genie?” Angelique Dumont inquired.

“And a green face when he’s pretending to be a Martian to impress giggling teen-aged pot smoking desert cactus girls?” Mei-ling Manchu added.

“I think Trump was angry because Justin Trudeau made fun of him in what the Canadian Prime Minister thought was a private conversation between himself, Boris Johnson, Emmanuel Macron and the Dutch Prime Minister at last night’s NATO banquet reception hosted by Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, wasn’t he?” Amadeus downed his Earl Grey tea.

“Could be,” Renfield nodded, “although Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger reports that a man wearing blackface and a turban was seen walking on the terrace outside Melania Trump’s bedroom last night. And Harvey said Melania this morning left her room smiling like the Mona Lisa.”

“Like a moth to a flame eh?” Mei-ling quipped in reference to the U.S. First Lady’s fashion faux-pas at the Buckingham Palace reception last night.

“Speaking of flames, is the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever going to be returned to Justin Trudeau?” Amadeus asked.

“Apparently not,” Renfield shook his head, “Set Enterprises is still worried about the threat posed to Strawberry Fields Forever’s life by Xi Jinping’s death edict written in medieval Imperial Mandaran – a scroll that Sydney Australia based billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was able to translate. And security on the Trudeau estate in Ottawa is pretty lax seeing as how it’s overseen by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the pot-smoking sheriff of the mystical hippy commune village of Calypso’s Bosom. Therefore Set Enterprises is moving Strawberry Fields Forever to the safety of a jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. They don’t think that PRC Ministry of State Security operatives will want to freeze their asses off on an assassination mission in Spitsbergen.”

“From what I know of PRC Ministry of State Security operatives, that assessment is probably correct,” Mei-ling Manchu nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 4th
2019.

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NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

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Birthday

November 28, 2019 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Life, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Birthday

His birthday fell on U.S. Thanksgiving this year.

And he was Canadian.

So his birthday would be being marked south of the border.

Rita Hayworth was his favourite actress.

Although he had daydreamed about her, she had never appeared in any of his dreams as he slept.

Possibly the new year of his life was off to a good start as he had dreamed about her in the early morning.

In his dream, he had been a detective.

And he had been called in with his cousins to solve a mystery of a rock music band who had mysteriously disappeared on his uncle’s farm.

And Rita Hayworth was his assistant who helped him solve the mystery.

Or at least he assumed he had solved the mystery.

He woke up just as he dreamed he was kissing her.

But still that was off to a good start.

Usually he always woke up before he got the chance to kiss any beautiful woman who appeared in his dream.

He walked outside to shovel the snow.

As a great deal of snow had fallen over night.

As he walked down the steps of the house where he rented a basement room, he noticed rabbit tracks in the snow around the front yard.

That was always a good sign for a new year of life.

As rabbits always made him think of his father who had been born in the Chinese zodiac year of the Rabbit.

. . .

Xi Jinping the paramount leader of China wondered who this mysterious Mr. Inn Lu was in Sydney Australia who was hiding a PRC (People’s Republic of China) Ministry of State Security intelligence defector named Wang in one of his Sydney safe houses.

Wang defected with the help of another Ministry of State Security operative the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (granddaughter of Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh).

Ho herself then went and defected to Taiwan.

Xi tried to get ahold of another Ministry of State Security official the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to try to track down both defectors.

But she didn’t seem to be answering her Huawei smart phone.

. . .

“Well, Mei-ling,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his vampiress friend from Beijing, “What have you come to tell me?”.

“Well,” Mei-ling licked her vampiress incisors with her tongue, “I’ve decided to overthrow China’s megalomaniac totalitarian despot Xi Jinping and make myself Empress of China.”

“An excellent idea,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “what can I do to help?”.

. . .

Inside a time tunnel in a mountain hideout, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to set out with her companion:

“Well, Dracul,” she asked Van Helsing, “are you ready to begin our mission?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday November 28th
2019.

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70th Anniversary of People’s Republic of China and Mei-ling Manchu Becoming A Vampiress

October 1, 2019 at 10:25 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

70th Anniversary of The People’s Republic of China and Mei-ling Manchu Becoming A Vampiress

0ctober 1st 2019.

Beijing.

The 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China.

It was 70 years ago today that the Communist forces under Mao Tse-tung took control of most of mainland China while Chiang Kai-shek and his Kuomintang Nationalist forces fled to the island of Taiwan.

Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping marked the 70th anniversary by parading China’s latest military hardware through the streets of Beijing.

The latest missiles, warheads, drones and tanks passed by Xi’s viewing stand as he and his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon applauded vigorously.

In Taiwan rather ominously, a bridge collapsed in a major harbour trapping a fishing boat and overturning an oil tanker.

Hong Kong celebrated the 70th Anniversary of Communist rule in China by Hong Kong police shooting its first protestor with a live round ammunition bullet.

. . .

The 70th Anniversary of the Chinese Communist takeover was the last thing on Pope Francis’ mind at the Vatican as he sat at his desk and began the final preparations for this month’s Pan-Amazonia synod.

Last year he had sold out the members of China’s underground Catholic Church by entering into a treaty with the Beijing government that had been negotiated on the Vatican’s behalf by the predatory homosexual prelate the then Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.

Back in February of this year, Pope Francis had been forced to laicize Theodore McCarrick after he had been caught and exposed for his numerous crimes and misdemeanours.

A knock was heard on the door of Francis’ room.

It was the Zeus worshipping cardinal known as JM (which was the cardinal’s code name as head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Service) inviting Pope Francis to receive a blessing from Amazon indigenous sha-men and sha-women who were assembled in the papal chapel.

. . .

Melania Trump was startled when she saw the ghostly figure of Abraham Lincoln standing before her in the corridor.

Tears were falling down Lincoln’s cheeks.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Melania’s husband Donald was busy tweeting about how civil war would break out in the U.S. should he the Donald be impeached.

. . .

This date of October 1st 2019 also marked 70 years since Mei-ling Manchu (who was a leading operative for the Chinese Ministry of State Security aka MSS) had become a vampiress.

Mei-ling (who had sided with Mao’s Communists against Chiang’s Nationalists during the Chinese Civil War of 1945-49) had marked the victory of the Chinese Communist forces on October 1st 1949 by allowing herself to be bitten by a vampire and turned into a vampiress as she stood on the balcony of Beijing’s Old Imperial Palace with victory celebration fireworks going off in the background.

Mei-ling Manchu: celebrating 70 years as a vampiress today.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 1st 
2019.

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Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful

September 24, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful 

“Back in the 1970s,” British MP
Renfield R. Renfield told the BBC News Interviewer, “Mr. Justice William Morrow the first Chief Justice of Canada’s Northwest Territories said the end of Western Civilization would be brought about not by student protestors or the actions of foreign powers but by imbeciles sitting as judges on the benches of court rooms everywhere.
History has shown Chief Justice Morrow to be a 100% prophet. What alarmed Chief Justice Morrow was what he considered the vast number of imbeciles who were teaching as professors in various law faculties at universities all across Canada back in the 1970s. He said their erroneous ideas which would overthrow 1500 years of legal traditions and precedents in the Western world would be passed on to their students who would become lawyers and eventually become judges. This has now become the norm in Canada. A judge somewhere making a stupid decision is no longer news. It’s a judge who makes a sensible decision that’s now considered news. So of course there aren’t many real news stories emerging from the Canadian judiciary these days. But what was happening in Canada at the time was also happening in the U.S. and the United Kingdom. So the Age of Imbecility now reigns supreme in the judiciary of all 3 of these nations. Any appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court that does not meet with the approval of Wiccan airhead Alyssa Milano and her fellow Wiccan airheads across America is immediately accused of sexual harassment. And as for stupidity in the UK Judicial system, that can be seen by today’s ruling by Britain’s Supreme Court. On the plus side at least judges are showing what they truly are. The fact that Britain’s Supreme Court President Lady Hale chose to read the court’s judgement while wearing a giant diamond spider brooch on her lapel was at least honest. Poison is now falling across the land.”

. . .

After a day speaking and meeting with people at the UN General Assembly, Donald Trump decided to relax by spending time in an NYC karaoke bar.

Standing on stage was some long haired and bearded type who looked like he could easily fit into the band ZZ Top.

The man began singing an old John Denver song, 

“High Calypso the places you’ve been to,
The things that you’ve shown us,
The stories you tell,
High Calypso, I sing to your spirit,
The men who have served you so long and so well…”

Donald Trump asked his secret service detail, “Who is this guy? He smells of marijuana smoke.”

“I believe he’s a sheriff from some place up in Canada called Calypso’s Bosom,” one of Trump’s secret service bodyguards answered.

“And is this the Calypso he’s singing about?” Trump’s tongue started hanging out and drooling, “Some woman’s bosom? I’d like to go to the places she’s been to as well. And also see the things that she’s shown the men who have served her so long and so well.”

“I believe the Calypso was the research ship for French undersea explorer Jacques Cousteau,” replied another member of Trump’s secret service detail who looked a lot like Detective Dietrich from the TV show Barney Miller.

“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed.

The sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom was carried off stage while ranting about free speech, Charles Laughton and the many breasts to be found on the statue of Diana of the Ephesians.

“What’s he doing down here in the U.S. anyways?” Trump asked his secret service bodyguard who looked a lot like KAOS agent Siegfried from the TV show Get Smart.

“I believe Justin Trudeau sent him down here on an important matter of Canadian national security,” the Siegfriedish bodyguard answered.

“Did anybody here get the licence plate of that ET gray’s space ship?” The Sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom asked as he was carried off on a stretcher.

“That makes perfect sense,” Trump nodded.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was walking through New York City’s Central Park when he came across the Chinese vampiress secret agent Mei-ling Manchu who had been tied to a tree by Cthulhu the Great Old One who was currently in New York City contemplating a run for the U.S. Presidency.

“I hope I’m not interrupting the filming of some new type of reality TV show scheduled for the family viewing time slot,” Dracul remarked as he untied her.

“Are you the vampire hunter who’s into tantric sex?” Mei-ling asked after she was untied.

“I am,” Dracul answered.

“Take me now,” Mei-ling said as she threw Dracul back on a pile of autumn leaves and mounted him.

Rudy Giuliani dropped the legal brief he was reading when he walked by and saw what was happening.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 24th
2019.

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Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman In New York City

September 22, 2019 at 11:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman In New York City

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman was in New York City.

The Sheriff wasn’t quite sure what he was doing in the Big Apple.

The dining room chef ordered Jackman out of the huge fruit salad that he was making.

Sheriff Stonedwall beat a hasty retreat.

All Jackman could remember was that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had sent him to NYC on a matter of important national security.

Only the Sheriff couldn’t remember what that important matter of national security was.

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman had led an interesting life.

He had been born in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada on Friday May 10th 1940 the same day that Winston Churchill had become Prime Minister of Great Britain.

His girlfriend the love of his life had broken up with him on Dominion Day (as it was then called) July 1st 1967 on the Main Street of Moose Jaw when he accidentally ran over her Love Bug Volkswagen with his farm tractor while looking for a place to park.

Furious, she had shoved his engagement ring in the place where the sun never shone.

Moose Jaw which wasn’t big enough to have a practicing proctologist in the city saw Thomas Jonathan Jackman buy a Greyhound Bus ticket to the Big City.

It turns out the Big City that Thomas Jonathan Jackman had bought a Greyhound bus ticket to was Vancouver, British Columbia on Canada’s West Coast.

Just as the U.S. Summer of Love (Summer of ’67) was about to begin in San Francisco, California so Canada’s Summer of Love was about to begin on British Columbia’s Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island.

Eating a dozen pieces of rhubarb pie during a Greyhound bus pit stop at a diner in Chilliwack British Columbia had cured Jackman’s need of finding a proctologist in downtown Vancouver.

And Thomas Jonathan Jackman found himself celebrating U.S. Independence Day of 1967 by smoking weed and inhaling chemicals with a group of hippies on Vancouver’s East Hastings Street.

Somehow by July 6th 1967 (the 20th Anniversary of the alleged Roswell New Mexico UFO space craft crash), Jackman had found himself in the Village of Calypso’s Bosom which was a New Age Aquarian hippy commune on British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula not far from the town of Sechelt itself.

On July 22nd of that year 1967, Thomas Jonathan Jackman had earned his name Stonedwall when he hit his head against a brick wall in the village while stoned.

No one was quite sure how the brick wall got there but according to the village’s visionary and prophet (who was later carried off by a pterodactyl on Christmas Day of that same year), the slab of brick wall had come from the future and was the inaugural piece of some wall that had been officially inaugurated on the U.S. – Mexico border by some golden urine hair coloured toupee wearing bozo named Donald Trump sometime in the early 2020s according to the said visionary’s visions.

The piece of wall was later destroyed when a cloud had rained several thousand tons of Mexican tamales from heaven.

On August 1st Lammas Night of 1967, after the character of the Devil from a future Susan Howatch novel had appeared to villagers, Thomas Jonathan “Stonedwall” Jackman was elected Sheriff of the Village of Calypso’s Bosom.

Not of course that the laws of Her Majesty Elizabeth II Queen of Canada were ever enforced in the village of Calypso’s Bosom as the primary diet consisted of marijuana (whose use was then illegal in Canada) as well as various chemical substances (whose use was still illegal today).

1967 soon became 1968 and 1968 soon became 1969 and all the years became blended into one like Lonesome Charlie’s blended milkshake of frogs and tequila (which drained a nearby swamp of its frog population and a nearby BC Government Liquor Store of its tequila products) which no one but Lonesome Charlie drank (thus earning him the epithet Lonesome Charlie).

Everything changed for the village of Calypso’s Bosom on the evening of July 20th/21st 1969 when all the villagers had assembled in the Village Square in front of the village’s communal black and white television set to watch the Apollo 11 moon landing.

When Neil Armstrong walked down the ladder of the lunar module and spoke these words, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for….” the TV went off, all the village lights went off and the entire village of Calypso’s Bosom vanished into oblivion.

It would re-emerge again once every 7 years much like the Scottish village of Brigadoon rises out of the Scottish mist once every 100 years, so too does the Sechelt Peninsula New Age Aquarian hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom emerge out of the marijuana haze once every 7 years.

Disappearing in 1969, it had re-emerged in 1976 and had watched a peanut farmer win the U.S. Democratic Presidential nomination.

7 years later in 1983, it watched the height of the Cold War as a former head of the KGB Yuri Andropov had become the head of the Soviet Union.

In 1990, it again re-emerged (not always on the exact anniversary of its disappearance) and watched George H.W. Bush give a speech proclaiming a New World Order in response to Saddam Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait.

In 1997, they watched Bill Clinton “not” having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky as an Oval Office broadcast was transmitted to their communal black and white TV screen by a Jeffrey Epstein owned satellite.

In 2004, they watched John Kerry reporting for duty at the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential Convention.

In 2011, they watched the Arab Spring unfold before it turned into a radical militant Islamist Winter.

In 2018, they watched Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou being arrested at Vancouver International Airport on the orders of the U.S. government.

The period of rest for Calypso’s Bosom was interrupted by Chinese government agents bringing a pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever to the village and a few months later, the same Chinese government agents were again interrupting the village’s sleep by seizing the pot smoking desert cactus plant and taking it to a government re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of western China.

During that last interruption, Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman had foolishly left the commune of Calypso’s Village to take a swim on the beach at the town of Sechelt.

By the time he returned minus both his towel and his swimming trunks, the village had disappeared into the surrounding marijuana haze again.

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman then got a job in charge of airport security at Victoria Airport on Vancouver Island (Sheriff Jackman was hired because he looked much younger than his age since he had had so many 7 year periods of rest).

It was there this past September 12th that a robot had driven the Federal Liberal Party Campaign Bus into the Federal Liberal Party Campaign Plane.

After a conversation with an intelligent squirrel at the Airport, Sheriff Jackman had discovered that the robot had been built by an electronics firm in Shanghai China that was owned by Mei-ling Manchu and Ho Babylon Minh who were both intelligence operatives for the Beijing government and the two intelligence operatives responsible for the butchering of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever.

That, Sheriff Jackman suspected, as he emerged from the depths of the fruit salad he was in in the New York City hotel kitchen, had something to do with the national security matter that Canada’s Justin Trudeau had sent him on.

It had to do with Mei-ling Manchu releasing photographs of Justin Trudeau wearing blackface and brownface.

It had to do with Mei-ling Manchu being at the opening of the UN General Assembly this week.

But that was about all he remembered.

He hoped he ran into that intelligent squirrel again who would explain everything to him.

He went back to his hotel room and opened a package that said Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of The Day Club (as opposed to Book of the Month Club) that bore an Australian post mark.

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman inhaled the contents of the package and began singing,

“Fly little white dove fly 
way up high
Spread your wings
Sing out your cry 
across the universal sky…”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday September 22nd 
2019.


Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman encounters a pair of conspirators from the year 1944 as he sings about little white doves flying high and singing out their cry across the universal sky.

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Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

September 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on the phone talking to his good friend the Chinese Communist vampiress and intelligence operative Mei-ling Manchu.

“So, you mean to say, Mei-ling,” Renfield had himself another shot of Old Taylor bourbon, “that it was you who leaked that old school yearbook photo of Justin Trudeau dressed in brown face at the school Arabian Nights Theme Party to TIME Magazine?”.

“It was,” Mei-ling painted her nails with a crocodile’s tooth dipped in Canadian business men’s blood red coloured nail polish, “we also leaked two other photos today. One was a photo of him in High School dressed up to look like Harry Belafonte and committing musical homicide on the song Day-o. That one he admitted to. The other was a photo he had forgotten about where he was dressed up as what the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson would have looked like if the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson had actually looked black instead of white.”

“Gives a whole new meaning to Vincent Price’s spoken words “Darkness falls across the land”,” Renfield had to admit.

“The midnight hour is close at hand,” Mei-ling turned over her blood red sands filled hour glass, “anyways we’ve got a bunch of other photos of him dressed in blackface which we plan to release in the next few days.”

“Justin has said he’s now forgotten the amount of times he might have put on blackface,” Renfield noted.

“He could blame it on smoking marijuana but then he told the media he only smoked marijuana once,” Mei-ling started putting on black widow spider’s black poison on her eyelashes as mascara.

“And his pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever is now no more,” Renfield helped himself to some strawberries and whipped cream.

“Yes and our People’s Republic Ministry of State Security operatives are currently scouring the Australian countryside in search of Strawberry Fields Forever’s two twin cactus clippings children,” Mei-ling ate a fried kangaroo’s leg sandwich.

“Why does the Chinese Communist Party have it in for Justin Trudeau?” Renfield ate some frogs’ legs.

“Because that weasel refuses to release Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian soil,” Mei-ling started eating some weasel pie.

“I guess this is what happens to Justin for spreading his derrière across both sides of the U.S. political spectrum,” Renfield ate his peanut butter and jam sandwich, “First he’s Barack Obama’s ‘bitch’ one minute. And then he’s Donald Trump’s ‘bitch’ the next.”

“Just wait until we release the photos of him dressed as Charlie Chan the Chinese detective (always played by Caucasians) movie character of the 1930s and 1940s,” Mei-ling ate her San Francisco chop suey and drank her Hawaiian coconut milk.

“Justin once played Inspector Charlie Chan?” Renfield was shocked.

“He did,” Mei-ling fanned her breasts with the severed fingers of Harvey Weinstein’s lesser known twin brother.

“I thought for someone like Justin, it would be more appropriate if he played the role of Number Two son,” Renfield mused aloud.

. . .

Justin Trudeau showed up at the media scrummage dressed in blackface and tearfully admitted, “I can’t remember how many times I’ve dressed in blackface.”

“Why are you dressed in blackface now?” A reporter asked.

“I don’t find that remark very funny,” Justin commented as the charcoal watered down his face like Niagara Falls.

When an aide signalled to Justin that the reporter was in fact correct, the Canadian Prime Minister screamed for a mirror to be brought to him.

Grabbing the mirror and seeing his own reflection, Justin remarked, “Oh shit. My wife Sophie was correct when she told me that I had put on way too much makeup this evening.”

. . .

Down at the Canadian Federal Liberal Party headquarters in Ottawa, a member of the National Liberal Party Executive was telephoning world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes) and asking her if she could come to Canada and tomato Justin Trudeau’s buttocks in an effort to stop him from coming across as a fool and having bimbo eruptions in public.

“Well that’s quite the impossible task you’re asking me to do,” Sherrielock admitted, “but then as Don Quixote sang in the musical Man of La Mancha, “To dream the impossible dream…”

Sherrielock Holmes: About to take on a next to impossible task?

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 19th
2019.

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Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

September 12, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

Pan Goatee was walking across the street when a man and his German shepherd dog happened to walk by.

The dog kept staring at Pan Goatee.

Finally Goatee said to the dog’s owner, “Doesn’t your dog know it’s not proper etiquette to stare?”.

Whereupon he beheaded both the German shepherd and its owner.

A little further down the street came an ugly looking woman riding a bicycle.

“What is it about autumn that seems to bring out ugly looking women on bicycles?” Goatee thought to himself.

The woman looked like she had stuck all her fingers and all her toes in an electric socket as her hair style seemed to resemble that of the Bride of Frankenstein on a bad (as opposed to her usually good) hair day.

“Good-bye, uglo,” Goatee commented as he beheaded her.

. . .

“What do you think of my naming Kermit the Frog as my national security advisor?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington, “Do you think that I should give old Kermy a call?”.

“A most inspired choice,” Lexington admitted.

. . .

Meanwhile on the second day of the Canadian Federal election campaign, a Liberal Party campaign bus had struck and clipped the wing of the Liberal Party campaign plane on the airport tarmac outside Victoria, British Columbia.

After an investigation conducted by the Sheriff of the Village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula that was analogous to Scotland’s Village of Brigadoon although the hippy commune appeared once every 7 years instead of once every 100 like the mythical Scottish village) who was in charge of Airport Security, it was determined that the driver of the bus was a robot built and assembled by Mei-ling Manchu and Ho Babylon Minh Computer Electronics in Shanghai, China.

Of course the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh were both Beijing government intelligence operatives believed to have been involved in the cactusnapping, torture and subsequent murder of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in retaliation for the U.S. ordered Vancouver arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou. 

A spokesman for the Chinese Embassy in Ottawa issued a statement, “The People’s Republic of China can neither confirm nor deny that it is seeking to bump off Justin Trudeau.”

Later that day, Justin Trudeau came down with food poisoning in Edmonton after eating at Ho-Ho’s Chinese Food on the University of Alberta campus.

. . .

The Egyptian god Anubis was out walking the streets of London at night when he happened to run into British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“Evening, Anubis,” Johnson greeted him in Ancient Greek seeing as how he had been a Classics scholar at Oxford, “How are you? Tell me, why is it these days (and nights) that you’re now sporting a metallic cyborg jackal head when you used to have an actual real animal jackal head?”.

“Well, a few years ago, I was beheaded by Pan Goatee when I happened to look at him the wrong way,” Anubis explained, “and of course being immortal, I didn’t die when I was beheaded. But it just so happened that an overly frisky Dobermann ran off with my jackal head that night and I was unable to get it back. So Dr. Cadbury Rocher from my dad’s research and development firm Set Enterprises kindly built this new metallic cyborg jackal head for me.”

“Jolly decent of him,” Johnson answered in Ciceronian Latin.

“Tell me,” Anubis asked Johnson in koine Greek, “why do you feel it’s imperative that Britain leave the EU with or without a deal on Halloween?”.

“Well,” Johnson replied in ancient Carthaginian, “the demons Baal and Baphomet have commissioned a Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border which will forever enslave all of Britain to the Stalinist-Trotskyite synthesis European Union that George Soros, Pope Francis and the Rothschilds are seeking to build.”

“Wow, what a bummer,” Anubis started having flashbacks of what the overly frisky Dobermann did to his jackal head that night.

“Yes, quite the shitty situation,” Johnson recited in 21st Century contemporary English prose.

. . .

“So,” Russian President Vladimir Putin asked his guest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Moscow, “can you tell me if it’s true that this coming September 25th 2019 (which is the 5780th anniversary of the day that Jewish tradition holds that the world was created) that the Israeli Sanhedrin has invited the Organization of 70 Nations to perform an animal sacrifice on the Mount of Olives to renew the Noahide Covenant?”.

“The government of Israel can neither confirm nor deny that,” Netanyahu answered.

“Can you tell me if it’s true,” Putin then asked, “what it said in that article in Politico magazine that Israel has been spying on the U.S. in a StingRay operation ever since Donald Trump moved into the White House?”.

“That is a blatant lie,” Netanyahu wagged his finger, “the Israeli government does not spy on nor engage in intelligence operations in the U.S.!”.

Putin looked out the window of his office where he noticed a Jeffraken (a Kraken with the head of Jeffrey Epstein) walking down the street waving an American flag and carrying a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag.

“Why did your nose grow bigger after you made that statement?” Putin asked.

“My nose did not grow bigger,” Netanyahu started to protest until he looked at himself in the mirror, “Oh shit, it did.”

Netanyahu knew he couldn’t hit the Israeli campaign trail this weekend looking like a Disney cartoon character wooden puppet who gets his advice from a cricket.

The Israeli Prime Minister put in a hasty call to the Doctor Faberge Rachmaninoff Plastic Surgery Clinic in Moscow.

. . .

In Hong Kong, British MI-6 Operative Lili Marlene sat in a Hong Kong lounge next to a large marble head of the immortal princess Kwan Yin (who was venerated as the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy by some groups of Buddhists):

Lili Marlene was a French woman and so used to work for France’s external intelligence agency the DGSE.

However last year, French President Emmanuel Macron had made a pass at Lili Marlene’s mother at a Parisienne cocktail party.

Within 24 hours, an angry Lili Marlene had defected to Britain’s MI-6.

Today she was in Hong Kong keeping tabs on the supernatural power struggle between the ancient Great Old One Cthulhu and the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 12th
2019.

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