Pope Francis Opens Synod On Sex Abuse By Putting Foot In His Mouth

February 20, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

This was the opening of the Vatican special synod on sex abuse.

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat in the chamber as special theological advisors to the body.

Pope Francis opened the synod by angrily waving his finger in the air and pontificating in Josef Stalinesque fashion, “Those who do nothing but criticize, criticize, criticize, criticize and further criticize the Church are friends of the Devil.”

Baphomet looked concernedly at Baal over these words.

Baal smiled reassuringly as he helped himself to a large tin of fresh unborn babies, “I think the Devil that the Unholy Father is referring to is the same Devil that the 19th Century French sorcerer Eliphas Levi referred to in his 1860 book The History of Magic and the Scottish Rite Freemasonic occultist Albert Pike referred to in his 1872 work Morals and Dogma which is the Devil is Adonai (the God of the Hebrews). Adonai and Lucifer are both God. Adonai is the dark evil side of God. And Lucifer is the lightbearing side of God.”

“That makes sense,” Baphomet tried to remain calm for the male/female human goat demon transgendered hybrid was having a bad day.

His/her breasts were lactating, his/her female genitalia was undergoing her period and his/her male genitalia kept undergoing premature ejaculations every 5 minutes.

In many ways, Baphomet’s current state was almost symbolic of the entire U.S. Democratic Party- the vast majority of whose members either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped the transgendered human goat demon hybrid.

As for Baal and Baphomet’s demonic rivals Mammon and Mephistopheles (either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped by the vast majority of U.S. Republicans), they were in the White House wondering how to get Trump out of the Oval Office and their own man Jared Kushner in.

As Pope Francis lambasted his critics for daring to criticize him and calling them “Friends of the Devil” (who may or may not be Adonai depending upon whether one is a practicing occultist or not), a group of victims of priestly sex abuse shivered in the cold out in Saint Peter’s Square wondering whether Francis would bother to meet with them.

He did not.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was anything but a true Vicar of Christ) continued to pave his way towards eventually winning the Ecclesiastical Asshole of The Millennium Award.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 20th
2019.


Pan: The Father of Baphomet who was turned to stone by the head of Medusa as he lay dying.
The stoned Pan now lies in the Vatican.

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DARPA’s Neutrouglotron Bomb Experiment

October 11, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

DARPA’s Neutrouglotron Bomb Experiment

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA was currently working on the Beautify Calgary Project (as opposed to the Manhattan Project) – which was developing a new atomic weapon much like the old neutron bomb which instead of killing people and leaving buildings intact was to kill a certain set of people and leave other people intact.

Mephistopheles the demon god of racism proposed killing members of a certain race to Dr. Faustus Imhotep.

However that proposal was vetoed by a higher member of Hell’s demonic and fallen angelic hierarchy.

The hierarchical superior (who approved of Pan Goatee) suggested instead that fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows should be killed with the new weapon.

And hence the name – the Neutrouglotino bomb (a neutron bomb guaranteed to neutralize ugly women and kill them dead- to paraphrase an old TV Commercial for Raid House and Garden Bug Killer insecticide spray).

The proposal was to use it in the City of Calgary since they had the greatest number of ugly women per capita in the world.

And since the vast majority of fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows in the city’s female population were white, it should also meet with the approval of Mephistopheles whose demonic job was to promote racism and hatred of other races among all races.

However only a small quantity of Neutrouglotino powder could be used since it was mined in Antarctica 🇦🇶 and only a small portion could be mined every year.

Pan Goatee upon seeing an ugly woman would then drop the powder and with its UGLO searching ability injected into it through the use of uglo-hating nanites (whose masturbatory thoughts and fantasies were filled with images of Akira a female Japanese sex robot with the highest form of Artificial Intelligence and Dragon Sister kickass Martial Arts abilities which met with the DARPA Seal of Approval by a DARPA employee codenamed after the Greek titan god of heavenly light 🌞) would then go and kill every ugly looking woman within a 5 block radius.

This being Calgary of course, it wasn’t long before Pan Goatee was confronted by the sight of a hideous repulsively ugly looking fat ugly blimp of a white woman.

Pan Goatee threw the bomb powder and the blimp fell to the ground quite dead (causing a major earthquake on the other side of the world from the spot).

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and beheaded the blimp sticking the blimp’s head in a potato 🥔 sack that said DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT.

The nanites ate the rest of the blimp body and immediately vomited 🤮 afterwards.

This procedure was then followed throughout the day by Pan Goatee encountering numerous fat ugly blimps and thin ugly scarecrows.

He’d throw the Neutrouglotron powder, the uglo offender to humanity would keel over, Krampus the 2nd would behead the aesthetic offender, stick the hideous head into the potato 🥔 sack that read DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT and then the nanites would eat the rest of the uglo creature from Hell (the dreaded and mercifully unknown to Dante 13th circle of the Inferno) and immediately proceed to vomit 🤮 all over the place.

Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi was being inundated with thousands of calls from outraged citizens about gallons of unusual looking vomit 🤮 that were appearing on city sidewalks.

As for the uglo creatures’ heads in the potato 🥔 sack that read DAN QUAYLE FOR PRESIDENT, Goatee had instructed Krampus the 2nd to deliver those to Trump’s gold plated washroom in the West Wing of the White House and to stack the hideous repulsively looking ugly heads one on top of the other on the bathroom floor such as the display from Hell would be the first thing that Trump would see upon entering the Oval Office Executive Washroom.

. . .

Lexington the White House valet heard the most heart wrenching eardrum piercing scream and anguished 😧 cry that he had ever heard in his life.

He went rushing down the hall and there sat Donald Trump on the floor outside his gold plated washroom with a look of extreme shell shock in his eyes, sheer terror on his face and a mouth agape as if dead 💀.

Finally Trump spoke.

He spoke the same words over and over again.

The same words that were spoken by Marlon Brando’s character of Col. Kurtz at the end of Francis Ford Coppola’s 1979 film Apocalypse Now.

“The horror… the horror…”

. . .

While California psychologist Christine Blasey Ford was being flown into Washington DC to be brought in as a consultant to use her Artificial Situation In The Mind Visualization Technique to bring the President out of his state of extreme extreme extreme Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Lexington the White House valet was suspecting a Democratic Party Deep State White House Secret Service plot to only intensify the Donald’s PTSD, the ghost of Orson Welles was showing the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill the TV commercial he had recently directed for a Chilean winery called Casillero del Diablo:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 11th
2018.

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Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

September 22, 2018 at 6:46 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up yet another Baphomet News Network broadcast from Hell on his psychic lobster antennae.

Baphomet News Network Announcer: And here with today’s network editorial is the Baphomet News Network’s Chief Editorialist-
Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius…

Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius: Hi, I’m Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius with your editorial for the last day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere- Saturday, September 22nd 2018.

One of the quotes of the Enemy that a lot of mortals misinterpret is, “And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself; how then shall his kingdom stand?”.

That means of course that Satan will not cast out Satan, Beelzebub will not cast out Beelzebub, Lucifer will not cast out Lucifer, Mephistopheles will not cast out Mephistopheles, Moloch will not cast out Moloch, The Baphomet will not cast out Baphomet.

However mortals take it to mean that demons will not confront one another.

Now indeed we will not confront Lucifer the Devil unless we’re totally masochistic.

But we know we will challenge and confront one another other than Lucifer.

For example, we know that Mephistopheles controlled Nazi Germany’s Hitler just like Moloch controlled the Soviet Union’s Stalin.

Moloch of course won that contest.

The demon Mammon won the Cold War against Moloch.

And today as we know, Mammon, Mephistopheles, Moloch and Baphomet hold joint jurisdiction over the United States of America 🇺🇸 which of course explains why the U.S. is so divided and why that country is in the mess it is.

Of course, most U.S. Republican Party members and supporters worship Mammon and Mephistopheles while most U.S. Democratic Party members and supporters worship Moloch (aka Baal) and Baphomet…”

The transmission suddenly ended.

But Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was grateful for one thing.

He now thoroughly understood U.S. politics.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 22nd
2018.

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Pope Francis and The Mysterious Stranger

April 7, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Mysterious Stranger

Renfield R. Renfield MP was giving a speech on the Best of British Culture to the Society of Friends and Supporters of the Royal Opera.

He was finishing singing the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

Lord Geese-Hogg who was sitting at a table with his wife Lady Geese-Hogg motioned for one of the banquet waiters to bring him another drink.

“Genghis,” Lady Glenda Geese-Hogg called her husband by his first name, “I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight.”

“Oh, all right,” Lord Genghis Geese-Hogg sighed.

Renfield, as he was getting out of his woman’s bra and dress and taking off his lumberjack jacket, was suddenly handed a note.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Renfield went up to the microphone 🎤 to make an announcement, “I’ve just been informed that the Syrian government has used chemical weapons in a toxic gas attack on Douma the last rebel held town in Eastern Ghouta. So far 70 civilians have died including numerous children.”

Renfield immediately changed into his William Wallace Scottish warrior kilt accompanied with his Highlander broad sword 🗡.

“On a personal observatory note,” Renfield added, “Both French President Emmanuel Macron and America’s Donald Trump have warned the Syrian government in the past that a chemical weapons attack is a red line that mustn’t be crossed. We all know that Trump isn’t the limp wristed pansy that Barack Obama was as a military leader.
Now a chemical weapons attack by the Syrian government has been done in the open.
That red line has been crossed.
How will Trump and Macron respond?
If they let it pass, they’ll lose face.
We all know that the one thing Donald Trump will never do is lose face.
And the homicidal regime of Vladimir Putin have said they will support the homicidal regime of Bashar al-Assad at all costs. Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, the world may now be on the brink of World War III.”

Lord Genghis Geese-Hogg called back the waiter, “I’ll have a hundred more drinks 🍹 🍸 🍷 please.”

“Make that double for me,” Lady Glenda Geese-Hogg added.

. . .

Pope Francis was in his bedroom when suddenly the door opened and in walked a mysterious stranger with jet black hair, jet black eyebrows, a jet black moustache and a jet black goatee beard.

Two locks of hair stuck up on top of his head that almost looked like horns.

The man was wearing a red velvet jacket, suit and pants.

“Who are you?” Francis asked.

“Mephistopheles,” the man laughed.

“Mephistopheles?” Francis looked horrified, “What do you want?”.

Mephistopheles laughed again.

He then turned and opened the door to exit.

“I hope I never see you again,” Francis, who was feeling around for his Cross but couldn’t find it, said in a horrified gasp.

Mephistopheles turned around and laughed the most sinister laugh that Francis had ever heard in his life, “I don’t think we shall ever meet again, Father Bergoglio,” the fallen angel paused and then smiled a most malevolent smile, “after all as you yourself have most recently said, there’s no such place as Hell.”

The entity then left the door open and walked out of the papal bedroom.

Intensely sinister laughter echoed down the halls and corridors.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 7th
2018.

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Mephistopheles Seeks A Soul

October 5, 2017 at 5:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Mephistopheles Seeks A Soul

As the demon Mephistopheles walked by the 7th Circle of the Inferno, he could hear the screams of a new inmate Las Vegas shooter Stephen Craig Paddock echoing through the flames 🔥.

“Better get used to it because it’s going to be forever,” Mephistopheles laughed as he sipped a nice hot cup of Earl Grey Tea.

He looked at his Rolex designer watch (specially designed to withstand intense heat) and noted the time.

Time to get upstairs to Earth.

He had the soul of a certain world leader he hoped to capture.

The Enemy on the other side might have said, “What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world 🌎 and lose his own soul?”.

For Mephistopheles and his fellow demons, they were fortunate that most politicians on planet Earth didn’t really follow such advice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 5th
2017.

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Part XIV The Giant Rat of Sumatra

October 11, 2015 at 6:57 pm (Detective story, Horror, Mystery, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Part XIV The Giant Rat of Sumatra

The dark haired dark bearded dark eyed man in the well-tailored suit with top hat and cane stood only feet away from Vittoria Donna Gina’s caravan trailer.

Holmes immediately recognized him.

He ran to grab the man when suddenly another man appeared on the scene.

The distinguished looking man with gray moustache, silvery gray hair and spectacles sporting a huge crucifix around his neck pulled what appeared to be a huge wooden stake from under his coat and shoved it into the vicinity of the dark bearded man’s heart.

To Holmes’ shock and amazement, the dark haired dark bearded dark eyed man crumbled to dust.

All that remained were his distinguished clothes, top hat and cane.

Holmes stood there totally transfixed by what he saw.

“Mr. Sherlock Holmes,” the gray moustached gentleman held out his hand.

Holmes then recognized the man.

“Dr. Abraham Van Helsing,” Holmes held out his hand.

Holmes recognized the famous Dutch physician and distinguished world authority on rare blood disorders.

“What was that I just witnessed?” Holmes inquired.

Dr. Van Helsing laughed, “Well seeing as how you’ve attacked me for my views in letters written to various scientific journals and have called me a damned medievalist for believing in dark ages superstitious nonsense, I don’t think you’d really believe me if I told you, Mr. Holmes.”

“I’ve never seen a man crumble to dust within seconds after a stake has been placed through his heart,” Holmes looked somewhat pale, “so maybe I’m now more open to possibilities that go beyond my sense of reason than I was before. Was that… a… a… a….?”

“A vampire, Mr. Holmes?” Van Helsing smiled, “can’t you even bring yourself to say the word?”.

“No, I guess not,” Holmes shook his head.

“He shall be disturbing the world no more,” Van Helsing looked down at the clothes that had once adorned the vampire.

“What was his name?” Holmes asked.

“He called himself Lord Belfor although he had no official legal title,” Van Helsing replied, “he owned a large estate outside London where he was married to a fat and wealthy mortal former brothel owner who had a half-dozen brats of her own that he adopted and thus bear his English name Belfor.”

“His English name?” Holmes lit his pipe, “But judging from his appearance when he was still alive and Undead, he appeared to be Italian in nationality.”

“He was,” Van Helsing nodded, “his real name was Rodrigo Salieri the bastard son of Antonio Salieri.”

“Antonio Salieri the Italian composer rumoured to have murdered Mozart?” Holmes asked.

“The same,” Van Helsing nodded, “Rodrigo Salieri was even a more mediocre musician than his father. He was also a greater moral reprobate than his father for Rodriogo was both a rapist and serial killer of young women.”

“Before or after he was a vampire?” Holmes inquired.

“Both,” Van Helsing replied.

“Any idea what year he became a vampire?” Holmes blew smoke rings into the air.

“Well, according to one of his diaries which I managed to find,” Van Helsing answered, “in 1830 when he was 30 years old.”

“Did he say how it happened?” Holmes was intrigued.

“According to the diary entry, he called on the demon Mephistopheles to grant him immortality. Mephistopheles, according to the diary, appeared to him and said he would grant him a form of immortality – a vampiric existence. But the young bastard Salieri would have to avoid Crosses and Crucifixes and consecrated Communion hosts as well as wooden stakes through the heart. And unlike mad dogs and Englishmen, he could not go out walking in the noonday sun. Or any other time of day when the sun was present.”

“And it was the demon Mephistopheles who turned him into a vampire?” Holmes was incredulous.

“Mephistopheles introduced him to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who bit him on the neck,” Van Helsing replied.

An owl was heard hooting in the distance as the moon burst through a dark cloud.

Some frogs croaked in the distance on the other side of the river Welland.

“Demons and ancient Babylonian vampiresses,” Holmes shook his head, “it makes me wish I was back in my London lab working with chemicals- substances I can understand.”

“Chemicals eh?” Van Helsing smiled, “Like the Renaissance alchemist Dr. Johann Georg Faust.”

“Another one of the exploits of Mephistopheles,” Holmes mused.

“According to an entry in the bastard Salieri’s diary,” Van Helsing noted, “Faust was granted a form of immortality other than a vampiric one. And Faust did not actually die like legend says or Christopher Marlowe or Goethe mention in their respective tales.”

“No,” Holmes had to smile, “What happened to him?”.

“Well according to historical records, Dr. Johann Georg Faust was supposed to have died in an explosion caused by an alchemical experiment he was performing at the Hotel zum Lowen in Staufen im Breisgau. The explosion was said to have occurred around the year 1540, ” Van Helsing explained, “but according to Salieri’s diary, Faust’s face was only disfigured in the explosion. Salieri claims Faust took to wearing a mask and Faust is still alive today wandering the earth as a masked man.”

“Reminds me of stories I’ve heard of a freedom fighter in Spanish ruled California or a lone Ranger riding the plains of Texas on a silver horse,” Holmes laughed.

“According to Salieri,” Van Helsing went on, “the mask Faust wears is an unusual one. He has two masks. One a golden mask of Greek dramatic tragedy. The other a golden mask of Greek dramatic comedy.”

“Really?” The normally calm and serene looking Holmes turned ashen white.

“And Salieri claims that Faust is currently working as a stage magician,” Van Helsing went on.

Holmes started choking on his pipe.

“I just wish I knew if Salieri has bitten anyone in Stamford and turned them into a member of the UnDead,” Van Helsing scratched his chin.

“And presumably you’d drive a stake through that individual’s heart,” Holmes glanced nervously in the direction of Vittoria Donna Gina’s caravan trailer.

“It’s my sworn duty, Mr. Holmes,” Van Helsing bowed to the consulting detective.

“Well I’ve been thoroughly watching this bastard Salieri aka the obnoxious serial killer and rapist Lord Belfor,” Holmes said, “because there were fears among circus performers here that he was going to steal one of the animals. And I can assure you that he had no time here to turn anyone into the UnDead.”

“Then it appears my work here is finished, Mr. Holmes,” Van Helsing shook the detective’s hand, “it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, Van Helsing,” Holmes shook the vampire hunter’s hand.

As Van Helsing walked off into the night, Holmes could only guess what the bastard Salieri aka serial killer and rapist Lord Belfor had turned Vitttoria Donna Gina into when he used to sneak into her caravan trailer as she was touring Germany with Hemlock the Magician.

The Man With The Golden Mask- sometimes of tragedy and sometimes of comedy- had told Holmes that this stranger (Salieri Belfor) had stolen something from Vittoria Donna Gina.

Holmes now knew what that was.

And now Holmes knew why Vittoria only went out at night and not during the day.

And what that medication (as Hemlock called it) that looked like red iodine in a bottle- what that medication actually was that Hemlock gave her.

It was Vittoria Donna Gina’s sustenance that prevented her from attacking the blood of innocents.

To be continued.

-A Sherlock Holmes novella chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 25th
2015.

This blog post contains the links to my previous chapters in The Giant Rat of Sumatra (that I wrote back in 2010):

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/09/16/the-giant-rat-of-sumatra/

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