Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray

May 22, 2014 at 6:14 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray

Nero Wilson sat in the hotel dining room drinking orange juice and eating pancakes.

It had been a couple of days since he had discovered the ET gray in his hotel bedroom closet.

He found out that the ET gray had been introduced to his band’s lead singer Sekhmet after the open-air desert concert outside Mesa, Arizona by a groupie of the band named Lana who had then made out with the band’s drummer Dave Wilson (stage name Abbott Costello).

Sekhmet had hidden the ET gray in her suitcase telling everyone that it was just a teddy bear a fan had given her.

And so the ET gray had been in her suitcase the whole time they had driven from Arizona to California.

The ET gray had then been in the closet in Sekhmet’s hotel room but he had gone out in the night to take an extraterrestrial leak and when he came back in the darkness, all the hotel rooms had looked the same to him so he entered Nero Wilson’s room and closet by mistake.

Stories about Nero Wilson’s finding the ET gray in his closet had hit the Internet the same way a diarrhea ridden acrobatic knife thrower’s shit would hit the fan.

Of course one good thing about the story was that it made for two sold out performances the past couple of nights at The Tropicana Nightclub a small venue in downtown Los Angeles where his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers were performing.

Plus he had also been invited to be a guest and have his band perform on The Arsenio Hall Show while he was here in Los Angeles as a result of the story about him and the ET gray.

. . .

“I see six young people in Iran were arrested for filming a tribute video to Pharrell Williams’ song Happy,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate his Happy Meal from McDonald’s.

“I suppose the assholes who govern Iran don’t want anyone in the country to be happy,” Renfield R. Renfield replied as he ate his Filet ‘o Fish.

“I suppose not,” Amadeus answered.

Amadeus then noticed that Renfield was booking a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles on his laptop.

“Why are you flying to Los Angeles?” Amadeus asked.

Renfield winced.

He dare not tell bigmouth chatterbox Amadeus that he had been hired by their boss’ Archenemy the Vampiress Isis to steal a laser death ray gun from an ET gray.

Nor that the ET gray had shown up in Los Angeles according to the Internet’s leading social networking sites.

So Renfield said, “I’m going to see how my porn movie company in Orange County is doing.”

It was perfectly true that Renfield owned a small pornographic film studio in Orange County and he occasionally checked in from time to time to see how they were doing (not to mention personally auditioning young actresses who were hoping to break into the industry).

“Oh I see,” Amadeus decided to change the subject, “that Prince Charles while visiting an Immigration Museum in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada compared Vladimir Putin’s recent actions to Hitler’s actions in the 1930s.”

“He did?” Renfield suddenly turned white.

For it was Renfield’s latest project and goal and dream in life that he be awarded a knighthood from The Queen sometime this year.

Renfield immediately went on to Facebook and unfriended Vladimir Putin.

. . .

“I’m going to kill him,” Russian President Vladimir Putin shrieked and foamed at the mouth to Russian Vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva.

“Who?” Svetlana asked, “Charles, Prince of Wales for comparing you to Hitler?”.

“No,” Putin went apoplectic, “Renfield R. Renfield for unfriending me on Facebook.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 21st
2014.

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Nero Wilson and The ET Gray

May 20, 2014 at 6:08 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Nero Wilson and The ET Gray

Nero Wilson the lead electrical violinist for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers was lying in bed in his hotel in Los Angeles California.

He was playing a gig somewhere in LA tonight.

He couldn’t remember where.

A few nights ago he and his band were playing an open-air concert in the desert outside Mesa, Arizona- the same night that rumours were circulating that a UFO had crashed in the vicinity of the concert.

Maybe a UFO had crashed that night.

After all members of his band were acting pretty strange since then.

Well even stranger than usual he should say.

His cousin Dave Wilson (whose band name was Abbott Costello) the drummer had naturally got lucky with a groupie that night and had made out with a hot looking brunette named Lana who coincidentally was wearing a mini dress with a picture of ET on it.

His cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band name was Bud Lou) the electrical guitarist was once again complaining that he had no one to make out with.

And at the rate he was going, Charlie had whined, it was going to take him forever to equal Mick Jagger’s bedding record.

The band’s lead (and only) female singer Sekhmet had hidden what appeared to be a large teddy bear in her suitcase and wouldn’t let anyone near it.

All the while drinking bottles of blood (of course that wasn’t so unusual. That was something Sekhmet had done since Nero first met her).

Then they had left Arizona and had driven to California in their old 1960s Volkswagen van that still had old hippy peace symbols on it as well as stickers that said Make Love Not War, Peace Now, Ban The Bomb, and Nuke Nixon.

Sekhmet was sleeping in her coffin in the back (as she always did whenever they drove in the daylight).

Her suitcase now had a combination lock on it.

Charlie and Dave were busy performing Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony with their coughing and hacking and respiratory problems as a result of driving with the windows open (the van’s air conditioning system had apparently died on the same day as Charles de Gaulle according to the used car salesman from whom they bought the van) and they were inhaling all that smoke blowing in from the Southern California wild fires as they drove west.

Nero Wilson the only member of the group who was wearing an oxygen mask was having no problems as he drove the van.

Quite a memorable trip west, Nero thought as he went and showered.

When he had finished showering and shaving and brushing his teeth, he came out of the bathroom and went over to the closet.

When he opened the closet, an ET gray walked out.

As rumours on the Internet social networking sites would put it later, ET gray comes out of the closet in Nero Wilson’s California hotel room.

Nero Wilson’s mother Agrippina almost choked on her mushroom soup back home in Cleveland Ohio as she read the rumour that had been shared over 17,155 times on a close friend’s Facebook status.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 19th
2014.

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Men In Black The Day After

May 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Men In Black The Day After

The head of the Men In Black for the State of Arizona was busy chewing out two of his men for last night’s fiasco in the desert outside Mesa, Arizona.

One man he chewed out for allowing an ET gray to escape amidst a crowd of drunken pot- smoking concert goers in their late teens and early 20s.

The man protested that he couldn’t tell the difference.

The other man in black was chewed out for wearing a bright yellow plaid jacket to last night’s fiasco instead of the traditional Men In Black black jacket.

“But I spilled white donut powder over my black jacket after eating 24 boxes of dozen white sprinkled jelly donuts,” the heavyset man protested, “and I didn’t have time to clean it when the call came in about the UFO crash on the mesa outside Mesa. The only jacket I had available that was clean was my tight fitting yellow plaid jacket.”

“And it was your glow-in-the dark yellow plaid jacket that alerted the ET gray to our coming,” his superior foamed as he fumed, “besides which you must keep a clean black jacket on hand at all times not a clean plaid jacket. After all, we’re called the Men In Black not the Men In Plaid.”

. . .

Amadeus Emanon was watching the old 1980s Steve Martin comedy Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid when the phone rang.

Renfield R. Renfield answered it.

He then turned as white as the hamster whiskers he had on those occasions when he shapeshifted into a hamster.

He put the phone down.

He went to the refrigerator to drink a bottle of cranberry juice and a bottle of grape juice to add some colour back to his cheeks.

He returned looking more his natural self.

“What was that phone call about?” a concerned Amadeus asked as he ate a chocolate covered glazed donut that spilled all over his yellow shirt.

“It was the Boss’ Archenemy the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis,” Renfield replied, “she wants to hire me to steal an ET gray’s laser death ray gun for her.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 15th
2014.

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Illegal Alien?

May 14, 2014 at 7:14 pm (Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Illegal Alien?

In the desert outside the City of Mesa, Arizona was an open-air concert in the night.

Lana was attending with friends.

She was brunette, 19-years-old and wearing a black mini dress with a picture of ET on it.

The band that was playing the open air concert in the desert was Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.

They were a group that played an electronic version of Renaissance and Baroque music.

Their lead instrumentalist Nero Wilson was an electric violinist who had failed miserably at fulfilling his mother’s ambition for him to become Mayor of Cleveland Ohio.

Their lead singer Sekhmet on stage wearing a lion-skin mini dress was an Egyptian Vampiress suffering from amnesia.

They had just come back to America from a 3-year stint performing in the United Kingdom and Europe.

For a while last year they had a non-electronic instrumentalist in the form of one Pan Goatee who played the pan pipes.

Suspected by Scotland Yard and German police of being a serial killer, Pan Goatee now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government.

The concert finished with Nero Wilson’s hit song Rome Is Burning Like An Arizona Wildfire.

With lights and electronic fires going off on stage, no one else but Lana noticed the UFO falling from the sky after striking the mesa and then falling to the desert where it burst into flame.

Lana ran in the direction of the fallen UFO while her friends remained behind to cheer and applaud the band.

She came across the remains of the charred UFO.

There on the sandy ground next to the crashed vehicle was the body of a gray (for Lana knew her ET vocabulary) about 4 feet in height.

His/her eyes were closed.

Lana wasn’t sure whether the being was dead or not.

Suddenly the creature opened its eyes and spoke in perfect English, “Take me to your Pope.”

Lana was taken aback.

Being a fan of 1950s sci-fi films, she was under the impression that if ET aliens spoke English, their first words would be “Take me to your leader.”

While the current Pope was certainly very popular, both Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin would probably vigorously object to the Pope being considered the leader of planet Earth.

To say nothing of what her Belfast-born Northern Ireland Presbyterian grandfather would have to say on this subject.

Just then bright lights shone in the direction of the ET gray and Lana.

It was the headlights from a jeep belonging to the U.S. Border Patrol.

“U.S. Border Patrol,” the uniformed officer shouted from the jeep, “on the lookout for illegal aliens. I want to see your proper documentation and I’m not going to ask twice.”

Indeed the man did not ask twice.

For he was immediately disintegrated by the laser death ray fired from the ET gray’s gun.

In the distance, the Men In Black were already on their way.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 14th
2014.

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