A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

September 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

The Haitian vampire huntress Yoanna Soleil was working in her office in the Haitian capital of Port-au-Prince when her phone rang.

“Hello,” Yoanna picked up her phone.

“Mlle. Soleil, this is the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,”
said the sensual feminine voice on the other end of the line.

“Well, well, your Imperial Highness,” Yoanna Soleil laughed, “this is a surprise. It’s not often that a vampire huntress gets a phone call from a vampiress. I must warn you however that I’m not like the heterosexual sex addict Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing nor am I lesbian or bisexual in my sexual orientation so you won’t be able to use your seductive, sexy and sensual vampiress charms on me.”

“That’s not what I’m calling about,” Qonzilqointec sounded exasperated, “my penthouse here in Mexico City has just been severely shaken by a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and from my vantage point way up high, I can see dozens of buildings around the city have collapsed.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yoanna Soleil was sincere for her own country had been hit by a devastating earthquake only 7 years ago.

“This is the 2nd major earthquake that has hit Mexico 🇲🇽 in the past 10 days,” the vampire princess sighed, “as you know an 8.2 magnitude earthquake hit southern Mexico back on September 8th.”

“I know,” Yoanna said then asked, “so why are you calling me?”.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you about all the major hurricanes that have been hitting the Caribbean region this season,” the Aztec vampiress stated.

“No you don’t,” Yoanna agreed.

“That’s why I’m calling you, Mlle. Soleil,” Qonzilqointec’s voice was pleading, “I think what’s been happening is connected. You are aware of course of the kraken Uhluhtc that sleeps at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea.”

Uhluhtc the sleeping Kraken at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea was considered just a legend among the educated elites of the Caribbean, Central America and Mexico.

However both vampiress and vampire huntress having dealt with things supernatural during their respective lifetimes knew that the kraken Uhluhtc was very much real.

“Yes,” Yoanna Soleil answered.

“Uhluhtc is not sleeping anymore,” the Aztec vampiress stated emphatically, “and that is what causing all these major earthquakes and major hurricanes of the moment. I propose we form an alliance to destroy it.”

. . .

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had received a confidential message from German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

“I wonder what this is all about?” Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan as he opened the sealed envelope marked TOP SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL.

“I have no idea, sir,” answered Athelstan who was sporting a black eye having had to rescue his elderly mother (who was currently visiting London) from a bar room brawl in a London pub the night before when she had once again got into a violent argument with another patron over matters relating to British and European football ⚽️ like she was prone to do.

“The courier said it had something to do with that World War One German UB-II U-Boat submarine they just found off the coast of Belgium 🇧🇪,” Amadeus Emanon spoke up from the neighbouring piano room.

“I heard about that,” Set answered, “what does that have to do with me? The tomb I was buried alive in for millennia wasn’t opened until Armistice Day in 1918 so I couldn’t have anything to do with the sinking of a German U-Boat submarine.”

“You have an excellent alibi in my opinion, sir,” Athelstan agreed.

“Oh my god Ra,” Set turned paler than even his usual pale looking vampiric self, “it’s who the German government believe was on board that U-Boat submarine that concerns me.”

“And who might that be, sir?” Athelstan inquired politely.

But Set was in such a state of shock that he was at a loss for words.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 19th

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Quetzalcoatl: These Hearts Won’t Go On and On

February 12, 2016 at 8:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Quetzalcoatl: These Hearts Won’t Go On And On

The Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl was feeling famished.

He was on his goddaughter the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec’s ranch in Mexico having just flown in from Havana, Cuba where he had been eavesdropping on the conversation between Pope Francis and Russian Orthodox Church Moscow Patriarch Kirill at Jose Marti International Airport.

Quetzalcoatl was now in the barn eating a bunch of fresh human hearts to regain his strength.

The ranch hands had captured a tourist bus and brought the tourists to Quetzalcoatl to rip open their chests and eat their hearts.

The tourist bus capture and the vanished passengers could easily be blamed as an abduction on narco-fighter gang members of the Mexican drug cartels (making the drug thugs good for something in Quetzalcoatl’s opinion).

“You deserve a break today at McDonald’s,” Quetzalcoatl sang cheerfully as he ripped out the heart of a Scottish tourist.

There was a sudden tapping as of someone rapping, gently rapping at the barnyard door.

” ‘Tis some visitor,” Quetzalcoatl muttered, “tapping at the barnyard door- only this and nothing more.”

Quetzalcoatl opened the door and standing there was a pair of young men dressed in white shirts with black ties and black dress pants.

“My friend,” one of the young men spoke up as he held in his hands a copy of the Book of Mormon, “have you heard about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and read Another Testament of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon?”.

Quetzalcoatl stood there at the barn door and said nothing.

As the two young Mormon missionaries stood there and noticed fresh blood dripping down the chin of Quetzalcoatl’s gargantuan grotesque serpentine bird like face and then noticed all the bodies and ripped out hearts on the barn floor behind him, both young men simultaneously made the Sherlockian deduction that now was probably not the best time to share the good news about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and Another Testament of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon.

The Mormon missionaries leapt on to their respective bicycles and vigourously pedaled off the ranch in the direction of Mexico City.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 12th

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Good-Bye Mr. Chaps- Adios Señor Guzman

January 9, 2016 at 9:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Good-bye Mr. Chaps- Adios Señor Guzman

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were listening to the BBC World News on the radio.

Said the announcer, “The Mexican government has announced that it is extraditing Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman to the U.S.

Rumours are circulating that if Mr. Guzman refuses to spill his guts about drug cartel operations, the U.S. government will threaten him with a sentence of serving as chief toupee wig washer to Donald Trump.”

“That was my suggestion to the U.S. government,” Renfield grinned.

“No wonder they use you as the final authority in interrogating ISIS prisoners of war,” Amadeus remarked.

Renfield smiled as he pulled the wings off a fly, dipped it in arsenic and put it in the middle of a spider’s web.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 9th

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Quetzalcoatl On Dia de Los Muertos

November 2, 2014 at 9:07 pm (Horror, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Quetzalcoatl On Dia de los Muertos

Two young Mormon missionaries were in Mexico City on this particular Sunday November 2nd- All Souls Day on the Roman Catholic Church calendar- or as they called this festival in Mexico- Dia de los Muertos- Day of the Dead.

Both young men happened to be from Salt Lake City- the home of the global headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Mexico City was their assigned missionary outreach.

They were encouraged to take in the cultural festivities of the people they were evangelizing.

So here they were on the evening of Dia de los Muertos taking in a colourful and festive parade.

Leading the parade seemed to be a beautiful young dancing girl who happened to look a lot like actress Salma Hayek.

The young woman was not Salma Hayek.

In fact, she was a lot older than she looked.

She was the some 600-years-old Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

She was wearing a white blouse and long flowing red skirt.

Suddenly a strange looking creature flew down from the sky and stood in front of the parade.

It was a huge giant serpent with feathers and wings.

Terror seized the crowd (as it did the two young Mormon missionaries).

But the dancing girl cried out, “Be not afraid. It’s our father and our king and our emperor Quetzalcoatl finally returned from a far planet.”

The crowd cheered.

The giant feathered serpent started leading the dance in colourful fashion- like some colourful dancing giant hybrid cross between a gargantuan Goliath of Gath sized peacock and a radioactive fire-breathing Godzilla.

One of the Mormon missionaries started filming the parade and its leader on his smart phone.

He immediately sent the images to his Mormon bishop back home in Salt Lake City.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec happened to notice the young missionary who was filming Quetzalcoatl and the parade.

She smiled and went over to him and his fellow missionary and put her arms around both boys.

“Do come back to my apartment,” her voice was as soft as the whispering wind rustling through the trees at the dawn of a glorious new morn, “and tell me all about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints.”

A Catholic priest on the other side of the crowd happened to notice Qonzilqointec’s sharp vampiric fangs protruding as she smiled.

The priest immediately crossed himself.

-To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 2nd

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Peter Whitstable On Cinqo de Mayo

May 5, 2014 at 7:17 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable On Cinco de Mayo

Peter Whitstable the man known as the Fox Mulder of Interpol stood in the streets of Mexico City.

He was observing Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

He was also here to protect the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec from assassination.

Qonzilqointec’s rival the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was going all out to eliminate her rival.

And she thought she’d do it on this anniversary of the Battle of Puebla where the Mexican Army under the leadership of General Ignacio Saragoza Seguin had defeated the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III back in 1862.

Isis had been a staunch ally and supporter of Napoleon III (as she had been of his uncle Napoleon I) and had hoped to be able to rule the world through him.

But the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec’s support of Benito Juarez against Napoleon III’s Hapsburg puppet the Emperor Maximilian of Mexico had upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for the Americas.

And later an upstart Prussian Chancellor named Otto von Bismarck upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for Europe.

Now Isis was going all out to destroy Qonzilqointec because the Aztec vampire princess was an ally of left-wing governments in Latin America such as Cuba and Nicaragua.

And of course Cuba and Nicaragua were allies of Russian President Vladimir Putin whom Isis had vowed to destroy after a Russian nuclear submarine had used a laser death ray to vapourize her husband/brother/lover Osiris’ spaceship when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012 thus dashing her hopes as well as the hopes of adherents of Hopi and Aztec and Mayan prophecies and numerous fans of the Ancient Aliens and Nostradumus TV programs on The History Channel.

Isis in her grief had conveniently forgotten that the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had likewise had his returning spaceship vapourized into non-existence by the same laser death ray by the same Russian nuclear submarine on the same date.

Peter Whitstable looked around for signs of the assassin.

He noticed CIA Agent Bob
Belfor wearing dark sunglasses and a t-shirt that said Support The CIA. Buy Latin American Grown Cannabis.

Whitstable had heard that elements of the CIA were in alliance with the ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

He happened to notice Belfor carrying a hawthorn stake- the kind used to kill vampires and vampiresses.

Whitstable put the Amazon jungle blow dart to his lips.

The dart contained not deadly poison but a tranquilizer with the same effects as a knockout pill dropped in a glass of alcohol.

As Belfor approached the dancing red dress wearing Aztec vampire princess who was dancing with a piñata that looked like Kermit The Frog, Whitstable blew the dart.

Belfor fell to the ground.

The dancing crowd just walked all over him.

Whitstable retreated to a nearby cantina to order himself a well- deserved tequila.

Qonzilqointec lived to dance another day (or night in the case of vampiresses).

And Belfor would wake up with a huge headache.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 5th

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Qonzilqointec and Dia de los Muertos

November 2, 2011 at 9:30 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

It was Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) festival celebrations in Mexico on this November 2nd (also known as All Souls Day on the Church calendar).

And the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had spent the day celebrating.

And now tonight she was still celebrating.

As she wore a beautiful long white dress and stood atop an ancient Aztec sacrificial pyramid.

In her hand, she held a sharp dark obsidian knife.

She held it over a 7-year-old girl named Catrina who also was dressed in a long white dress and tied to the sacrificial altar atop the pyramid.

Catrina was the daughter of a wealthy executive of one of North America’s biggest telephone companies.

The wealthy executive had agreed to allow Qonzilqointec to sacrifice his child in exchange for 20 years of massive hyper-profits for his company in the coming New World Order which was to be instituted in the year 2012 according to Qonzilqointec.

Qonzilqointec sang a hymn to her spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl and then brought the knife down on the child.

She cut open the girl and then ripped the child’s still beating human heart from her body.

Qonzilqointec baptised the crowd below the pyramid with the blood from the girl’s heart.

Most of the blood fell on the head of the executive of the powerful North American telephone company.

The man smiled and supernatural dollar signs suddenly appeared in the pupils of the man’s eyes,

“To the coming Singularity,” Qonzilqointec shouted as she proudly held the still beating heart in her hands.

“To the coming Singularity,” the crowd intoned in a mantra like chant of conformist uniformity.

To be continued.

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