Dr. Marmalade Montague Investigates Causes of Sulphuric Explosions

September 28, 2022 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Marmalade Montague was a scientist who worked at Set Enterprises in London.

Even though he had no official background in science.

He had owned a bakery in Paris that went out of business during the 2020 plandemic lockdown under the orders of France’s Neo-Vichy tyrant Emmanuel Macron.

Still Marmalade Montague knew more about science than most of the so-called health “experts” who dispensed bad advice by the manure filled truckload during the plandemic of 2020-2021.

Dr. Marmalade Montague’s current project was investigating the causes of sulphurous explosions.

For this purpose he had sent Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was the son of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom) to the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park to pick up a sample of sulphurous contents bubbling up from the ground.

While Yaldabaoth was there using a baby bottle to pick up a sample from one of the bubbling craters, the crater had a major explosion.

Luckily for Yaldabaoth, being a leprechaun, he was immortal so the explosion didn’t kill him.

However it did put a dent into his plans to spend a night at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada as he could hardly go into the place smelling like rotten eggs.

The explosion did however kill a sasquatch who was walking by.

The sasquatch was currently in the process of litigation (a major lawsuit) against the man codenamed PH Unbalanced by Britain’s MI-6 Agency and the man considered the world’s most boring author.

The world’s most boring author had written a novel claiming that this sasquatch had murdered the world’s most boring sheriff’s deputy.

The claim was in fact true but what the sasquatch objected to was being written about and included as a character in a novel that was so unbelievably colossally boring.

He hadn’t been able to get a date since the novel was published as most female sasquatch and even a few gay, bisexual and transgendered sasquatch considered him too boring to date.

The sasquatch had gone to a City of Laramie Wyoming law firm to launch a lawsuit against the world’s most boring author PH Unbalanced filing the claim that “being included as a character in the world’s most boring novel written by the world’s most boring author had totally ruined his sex life”.

Now as a result of the sulphurous explosion, the sasquatch was dead.

Yaldabaoth after several months of showering would be able to have a sex life again.

The poor sasquatch being dead could not.

Dr. Marmalade Montague was also investigating the cause of Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements alluded to into final (and end of life) reports written by some of the world’s late top secret agents in spy agencies.

For that, Dr. Marmalade Montague was using the visions of Michelangelo the psychic lobster.

Apparently back on January 28th 2021 (7 days after Biden was inaugurated having successfully stolen the 2020 U.S. Presidential election), senile old Joe had been invited to speak at a United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City in March of that year.

He was not to be the number one speaker however.

He was to be the number two speaker (which was appropriate for Joe).

The number one speaker was to be the well known Jewish Rastafarian and self described “independent pharmaceutical manufacturer” from Australia known by the popular moniker of Uncle Ernie (assuming of course that Uncle Ernie wouldn’t be in jail in Australia “drummed up on some nefarious charges brought against him by the government” as Uncle Ernie would put it).

The fallen archangel Mephistopheles (who was one of Joe Biden’s 3 supernatural advisors along with Baal and Baphomet) had recommended to Joe that he send someone to try to find the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and bring them to the U.S. for Joe Biden to eat the remains prior to giving his number two speech to the United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City.

The Gadarene swine of course had been possessed by the demons known as Legion and had been sent by Jesus Christ into the swine after Jesus had successfully exorcised a man known as the Gadarene demoniac.

The swine then charged into the Sea of Galilee.

Thus acting on orders from Joe Biden, the American Deep State set about to recover the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

Israeli Mossad agent Anna Chador to a Tel Aviv based scuba diver: “Would you be able to dive to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and see if the remains of the Gadarene swine are still down there and if they are to bring them up to the surface?”.

He: Yes.

Unfortunately for Biden and Mephistopheles, those agencies associated with the American Deep State such as the CIA were having a top secret convention at Area 51 (remember this was the time of the plandemic and everything and everyone was supposed to be in lockdown) and the treats at this top secret convention were Australian Uncle Ernie’s independently made pharmaceuticals.

Thus after the convention, the CIA were in no shape whatsoever to go looking for the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

However there were plenty of reports of sightings of UFOs and ETs at Area 51 after this convention.

Thus the spaced-out CIA outsourced the mission to the Israeli Mossad.

The task was assigned to one of Israel’s top female agents Anna Chador and after consulting with a Tel Aviv based scuba diver, a deep sea mission was undertaken and the Gadarene Swine were found perfectly preserved at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

The bodies were raised from the depths and then flown to Washington DC.

Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay was brought in to cook the remains at the White House.

He made pork chops out of them which he topped with his famous homemade Sriracha laced apple sauce.

Joe Biden ate all of the Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce leaving the other guests at dinner hungry and awestruck at the senile old fool’s ravenous appetite.

The Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce remained fully stuck in Joe Biden’s intestines and could never be removed (something the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles knew would happen).

The direct result of the Gadarene swine pork chops and Sriracha laced homemade apple sauce being forever stuck in Biden’s intestines would be that he would always have sulphurous explosive bowel movements.

It was fortunate that the New York Chapter of the United Jewish Appeal decided to have their dinner and speeches via Zoom due to the plandemic.

The secret service agents guarding Biden on the night of his United Jewish Appeal Zoom dinner speech were not so lucky.

In an effort to boost the profits of the pharmaceutical manufacturing investments of one Dr. Anthony Fauci, the cause of the secret service agents’ deaths was listed as Covid rather than sulphurous fumes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 28th
2022.

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Weird California Duo Calls For Saintly Canonization of Charles Manson

September 18, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actress Sharon Tate appears in an episode of The Beverley Hillbillies.

Sadly Miss Tate was one of 7 people to die in the murderous rampage carried out by brainwashed followers of homicidal hippy commune leader Charles Manson in California during the summer of ’69.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was reading a waterproof library book on Sharon Tate and the Charles Manson Helter Skelter murders.

He then turned out the light and went to bed.

He then had a dream (or was it a vision?) of a weird California duo calling upon Pope Francis’ Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a saint.

The weird California duo was none other than California Gov. Gavin Newsom and his aunt-in-law Nancy Pelosi.

Said Gov. Newsom at a press conference, “I call upon Pope Francis and his Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Shouted Nancy Pelosi.

Reporters of the mainstream media vigourously applauded Gov. Newsom after he made his announcement.

A reporter from Rebel News Canada however asked the question, “Why do you think Charles Manson should be canonized?”.

Members of the mainstream media and Gov. Newsom and Nancy Pelosi turned and scowled at the reporter from Rebel News Canada.

“Well as you know,” Gov. Newsom snarled, “According to the greatest oracle of our time Bill Gates, the world’s biggest problem is that there are too many people living on our planet. And Charles Manson killed people. Thus he was doing a tremendous favour for Mother Earth aka Gaia aka Pachamama.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Nancy Pelosi exclaimed.

“Earlier this evening, I signed an Executive Order granting Charles Manson a posthumous pardon for what in those unenlightened times were considered crimes,” Newsom grinned while members of the mainstream media applauded and shouted with glee.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi batted her purple coloured eyelashes

“I have also asked the California State Legislature to pass a bill issuing a formal apology to Charles Manson for all those years the State of California so wrongly kept him behind bars,” Newsom went on.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi smiled oblivious to the fact that her wig was coming off.

Pelosi herself approached the podium, “I am going to introduce a resolution in the House of Representatives calling upon both Houses of Congress to call upon President Biden to sign an Executive Order calling upon Pope Francis and the Vatican to immediately canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, Aunt,” Gov. Gavin Newsom ejaculated behind her.

Nancy Pelosi wiped the back of her skirt.

They then smiled and waved at the cheering assembly of reporters.

Michelangelo’s dream (or was it a vision?) continued.

He was on a plane with an assemblage of reporters covering Pope Francis on one of his many plane trips.

Of course aboard a plane in front of reporters was where Pope Francis usually issued his stupidest statements.

Michelangelo wondered what the purpose of this particular plane trip was.

He read the statement from the Pope’s private secretary.

The plane was flying to the North Pole so Pope Francis could tell that jolly old elf Santa Claus and all his reindeer and toy making little elves to get on board and sign on the dotted line to sign up for the Astana Kazakhstan 7th InterFaith Congress Plan For A Global One World Religion.

So far the reporters aboard the plane had not yet read the private secretary’s statement as they were all sloshed out of their minds.

However the Cardinal accompanying the Pope on this trip had just read the travel statement written up by the Pope’s private secretary.

He grabbed the pontiff and hauled him into the washroom where he gently broke the news to Francis that there was no such thing as Santa Claus.

The Pope could be heard blubbering aloud and sobbing for the next 80 minutes.

The Cardinal told the media that the plane would be turning around and heading back to Rome.

Francis then told the press that he was now open to questions.

CNN’s Don Lemon asked Francis, “What do you think of California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s call that Charles Manson should be immediately canonized?”.

“I think this is an excellent idea,” Francis grinned, “Charles Manson was a great man. He was all about free love and drugs and rock and roll. In this he reflected the values of the Aquarian Age. And according to former Dominican priest and current Episcopalian priest Matthew Fox and his witch medium Miriam Starhawk the Age of Aquarius officially began on December 21st 2020 just as the Coronavirus vaccines were about to roll out. And we need a Saint for this new Aquarian Age heralding the end of the Age of Pisces. Who better than Charles Manson?”.

“A follow up question,” said Lemon, “When will you canonize Charles Manson?”.

“Well I don’t think we need reports of a miracle performed in his name to get him canonized,” the Pope went on, “Requiring a miracle or miracles is so pre-Vatican II. We need to get up to date. I think I’ll canonize him tomorrow. I’ll declare him a Servant of God at 6:00 AM. Then I’ll declare him venerable (worthy of veneration) at 9:00 AM. Then I’ll beatify him (declare him blessed) at 12 Noon. Then I’ll canonize him (declare him a Saint) at 3:00 PM.”

“3:00 PM?” A reporter from Rebel News Canada piped up, “Wasn’t that the hour Christ died upon the Cross?”.

“I don’t know,” Francis shrugged, “Was it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 18th
2022.

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North By Northwest: Red August of The Sturgeon Moon

August 11, 2022 at 10:19 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint is a tale of spies, danger and intrigue.

And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises watching the film on his waterproof 72 inch widescreen flat screen TV.

Why was Michelangelo watching this film on this night of all nights?

Therein hangs a tale.

Quite possibly a fish tale (fish tail).

Tonight was the night of the full moon- the August full moon – called the Sturgeon Moon.

It is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon (the August full moon).

Interestingly enough tonight’s full moon- the August Sturgeon Moon- will be the last supermoon of this year.

This Sturgeon Moon will be the fourth supermoon in a row after the Buck Moon in July, Strawberry Moon in June and Flower Moon in May.

A celestial meteor shower will also be seen tonight in conjunction with this year’s last Supermoon.

Anyhow since tonight’s full moon is a Sturgeon Moon (and a Sturgeon Supermoon at that) and it is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon, Michelangelo’s employer the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set decided to go fishing in Canada’s Northwest to catch sturgeon.

And it was then that Renfield mentioned the film North By Northwest to Michelangelo.

So Michelangelo was watching the movie.

In the film version that Michelangelo was watching, the film’s villain Phillip Vandamm (played by James Mason) says, “One day our side of the Cold War will take over the American FBI.”

. . .

The United States’ Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a press conference discussing the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

As he took questions, he was suddenly confronted by the ghost of famous American criminal trial lawyer and defense attorney Johnnie Cochran.

Said Cochran to Garland,

“You’re a Marxist-Leninist man
Who belongs in the nearest trash can
Mark my words
You pile of turds
The day of reckoning is soon at hand
And you won’t have a leg to stand
You’re always seeking to intimidate
Cause you have no tool to use to masturbate …”

. . .

At the Vatican, Pope Francis was looking flashed and flushed after having spent the day meeting with members of Rome’s transvestite transexual prostitute community.

This was the fourth time this year that the pontiff had met with the group.

A statement issued from the Vatican Press Office said that Pope Francis was offering spiritual comfort to them.

Now Pope Francis was getting his daily briefing of world events from one of his Jesuit aides.

When the aide had finished, Francis directed him to “find out which entity it was who had hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to act as Donald Trump’s ghostly defense attorney.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th
2022.

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From Key Largo To Mar-A-Lago

August 9, 2022 at 10:17 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Actress Claire Trevor won the 1948 Best Supporting Actress Award for her portrayal of former nightclub singer Gaye Dawn in the 1948 film Key Largo that starred Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Edward G. Robinson

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.

He was watching the 1948 film Key Largo on his waterproof 72 inch wide flat screen TV.

He was doing so on the recommendations of his good friends British MP Renfield R. Renfield and world-renowned concert pianist Amadeus Emanon.

In one scene as Claire Trevor’s character of Gaye Dawn stood smoking a cigarette in the lobby of the Hotel Largo,

Edward G. Robinson’s character of mobster Johnny Rocco orders hostage Frank McCloud (Humphrey Bogart) to turn on the radio while hostage Nora Temple (Lauren Bacall) paints her fingernails an indeterminate colour as the film was shot in black and white.

After McCloud turned the radio on, the film version that Michelangelo was watching suddenly took a strange sci-fi twist as the radio of the lobby of the Hotel Largo in Key Largo, Florida in 1948 picked up a news story from the year 2022.

Said the radio announcer, “U.S. President Joe Biden just can’t help himself. Joe Biden was eager to fondle girls and sniff hair after being cooped up for two weeks in Covid isolation in the White House.
Biden arrived in Lexington, Kentucky Monday morning to survey damage from the recent floods that the trio of Al Gore, Pope Francis and Bill Gates blamed on global warming, climate change and the refusal of the American worker to eat bugs for breakfast, lunch and supper.
A maskless Joe Biden repeatedly coughed into his hand as he sat next to Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear (Democrat) at a press conference.
Beshear leaned away from Biden as the President continuously hacked into his hand.
First Lady Jill Biden hovered over Joe to make sure he stayed in line as they visited families impacted by the Kentucky floods.
But Joe just couldn’t keep his paws off of young women.
Creepy Joe even sniffed a woman’s hair.”

In an action that wasn’t even mentioned in the original Key Largo movie script written by director John Huston and screenplay writer Richard Brooks, Johnny Rocco went completely beserk and shot and killed all of the Hotel Largo hostages (thus bringing the movie to a sudden and abrupt end) because he couldn’t believe that a pervert such as Joe Biden could ever be elected President of the United States.

Michelangelo picked up the remote with one of his lobster claws and shut off the TV.

From a nearby room, he could hear Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Tuesday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “Yesterday Neo-Bolshevik Communist operatives in the American FBI raided Donald Trump’s home at the Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida…”

Michelangelo adjusted his waterproof blankets and patted his waterproof pillow and picked up a copy of the book Phil Huston’s Tales To Battle Insomnia off his nightstand.

The lobster immediately fell asleep after reading the first sentence of the first chapter.

He had a dream (or was it a vision?) of the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

He saw that the ghosts of Lavrentiy Beria (head of Josef Stalin’s NKVD Soviet secret police) and Jeffrey Epstein (pervert extraordinaire and close friend and bum buddy of influential politicians and globalist billionaires alike) were the ones leading the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago estate.

What, Michelangelo wondered, were Beria and Epstein doing leading an FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate?

Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a phone conversation with his daughter Ivanka about the raid.

Said Donald to Ivanka, “I’m glad I left my dirty underwear in my safe. That will serve those Commie bastards in the FBI right as they sift through my underwear.”

Ivanka answered, “So you were able to keep all your dirty underwear in a single safe? I don’t think all of the safes in all of Fort Knox would be able to hold all of Joe Biden’s dirty underwear.”

Meanwhile in the Oval Office…

PLOOP !

Voice of Joe Biden (whining) : “Kamala, come change me…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 9th
2022.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Pope Francis In Edmonton

July 11, 2022 at 8:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises in London, England.

He suddenly had a vision of Pope Francis’ visit to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada which would be from July 24th to July 27th of this year.

During the visit Pope Francis would be apologizing to First Nations peoples for the way native children were treated in residential schools run by the Catholic Church.

Michelangelo’s vision was of Pope Francis’ apology.

Said Francis, “Back in 1970, director Arthur Hiller directed a movie of Eric Segal’s screenplay (based on his bestselling novel) Love Story. The movie starred Ali McGraw and Ryan O’ Neal. The movie had a line which became a popular catch phrase, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” And since I love you all, I’m not going to say Sorry.”

Pope Francis’ non-apology went over like a lead balloon (in other words like your typical facially aesthetically challenged Calgary white woman who’s full of lead).

Arrows and tomahawks went flying in Francis’ direction.

Pope Francis’ bum knee suddenly got better as he ran for his life.

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster then had another vision.

This vision was of Archbishop Elpidophoros of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America kissing the buttocks of the demon Baphomet in a ritual ceremony in the Athens Greece suburb of Vouliagmeni.

Peculiar things are really happening these days, British MP Renfield R. Renfield thought to himself as Michelangelo text messaged the MP his two visions.

. . .

A Russian Navy submarine armed with a strategic nuclear torpedo the size of a school bus has now been put into active service.

Project 09852 Belgorod was delivered to the Russian Navy in a ceremony at the Russian Northern Fleet’s headquarters in Severodvinsk this past Friday July 8th.

The Poseidon missile it carries can create a tsunami off the coast of any country with catastrophic effects.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 11th
2022.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede

July 9, 2022 at 8:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Justin Trudeau’s favourite children’s book

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises when he had a vision of Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau attending this year’s Calgary Stampede.

The pompous and arrogant despot was injected (unknown to him) in the buttocks with truth serum.

The needle was injected by Set Enterprises’ 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.

Justin Trudeau then proceeded to walk around the Stampede grounds.

The tyrant (under the influence of the truth serum starting to kick in) thought to himself, “My Satan, this city seems to have abnormally high numbers of fat ugly blimps (as well as other female uglos) in it. Pan Goatee certainly has his job cut out for him trying to bring aesthetic beauty to this city. But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the feminist I pretend to be.”

Justin Trudeau then saw a group of First Nations people dressed in native headdress and clothing banging the drums and dancing and going, “Ay-yi-ay-yi. Ay-yi-ay-yi.”

Castro’s possible offspring remarked, “How does banging the drums and going ay-yi-ay-yi possibly compare with the great music that European culture has produced like the works of Bach and Beethoven? But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the champion of indigenous people that I pretend to be.”

Justin Trudeau was then introduced to this year’s Stampede Native American Indian Princess.

“My Satan,’ Justin thought under the influence of the truth serum, “What a fat ugly blimp. Other years I was pleased to be introduced to the Stampede Native American Indian Princess because they were usually quite beautiful. But this year they picked a fat ugly blimp. Are First Nations women now trying to emulate their white female Calgarian fat ugly blimp counterparts? But I better not say that out loud. Otherwise people will definitely recognize that I’m only pretending to be a feminist and a champion of indigenous peoples.”

Michelangelo thought to himself, “I must upload this vision to Instagram.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written Saturday July 9th
2022.

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From Fay Wray Atop The Empire State Building To Elmo On Sesame Street

July 6, 2022 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Fay Wray who was originally from Cardston, Alberta, Canada played Ann Darrow who was King Kong’s love interest in the 1933 film King Kong

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was watching the 1933 film King Kong on television.

Upon hearing the line at the end of the film “It was Beauty killed the Beast”, Renfield commented, “That line would be considered politically incorrect today. It would be considered offensive to beheading victims of Pan Goatee.”

Renfield was to appear later today to give a talk to children at a London public library.

Apparently some parents had complained about Drag Queen Reading Story Hour at the library.

And last night a Drag Queen who was also a Boris Johnson impersonator read a story.

The sight of someone who looked like Boris Johnson wearing a gold evening dress, 6 inch black eyelashes and 6 inch red painted fingernails had apparently traumatized all the children present.

Someone in charge of the public library decided that it would be a good idea if this evening Renfield was invited to give a talk to children.

As Renfield arrived at the library with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster, a British National Health Service nurse was just finishing her talk to the children in which she said that last week Sesame Street’s Elmo had been vaccinated against Covid-19.

“How many here want to be like Elmo?” The nurse asked.

All of the children put up their hands.

Renfield whispered something to Michelangelo.

The lobster nodded and left the auditorium.

“And now dear children,” the head librarian announced, “I’d like to present a Member of the British Parliament Mr. Renfield R. Renfield.”

Renfield got up to the podium and started to sing the song I Am The Very Model of the Modern Major-General from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta The Pirates of Penzance.

Sang Renfield,

“I am the very model of the modern Major-General
I’ve information vegetable, animal and mineral
I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights Historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters Mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the Hypotenuse…

… I’m very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous…”

At that moment an animalculous being belonging to the Nephropidae family (i.e. Michelangelo) went up to Renfield and handed him a note with his right lobster claw.

“Dear children,” Renfield addressed them with a sad and solemn expression on his face, “I’ve just been informed that an hour ago Elmo from Sesame Street died of a massive heart attack.”

All the children gasped in horror.

Renfield went on, “In Bryan Hall CJCA Radio Edmonton fashion, I’m not going to talk about the fact that what just happened to Elmo has happened to people all over the world after they’ve taken the vaccine. No, I’m not going to talk about that. I’m not going to mention, in Bryan Hall CJCA Radio Edmonton fashion, that young athletes in particular have suddenly dropped dead after taking the vaccine. No, I’m not going to mention that. Also, in Bryan Hall CJCA Radio Edmonton fashion, I’m not going to talk about the fact that the number of still births has risen dramatically in the world ever since expectant mothers were given the vaccine. No, I’m not going to talk about that. And likewise, in Bryan Hall CJCA Radio Edmonton fashion, I’m not going to mention that Israeli and UK statistics show that your chances of dying from Covid are greater if you got the vaccine than if you didn’t. No, I’m not going to mention that.”

Amadeus whispered to Renfield, “I think you’ve traumatized the children.”

“Well it’s never too early to let children know that Big Government, Big Pharma and the brainless mainstream media are a bunch of lying sons of bitches,” Renfield answered.

“Who wants to be like Elmo now?” Renfield asked the children.

No show of hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday, July 6th
2022.

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Michelangelo Eats Crab Flavoured Pollock and Has A Vision

July 1, 2022 at 9:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

A psychic lobster’s vision can be a terrifying thing to behold

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises when some joker threw in a few tiny pieces of crab flavoured pollock.

Michelangelo ate the pieces and had the following vision:

“Donald Trump lunging at his secret service driver and trying to drive to the Capitol was an awfully stupid thing to do,” Joe Biden remarked as he looked out the window.

“Mister President, what are you doing in the cockpit of Air Force One?” His pilot asked him.

“I’m going to try to fly this plane,” Biden replied.

“Have you ever flown a plane before?” His startled pilot inquired.

“I did once in my dreams,” Biden answered, “I imagine flying a plane is somewhat like riding a bicycle. One never forgets how to do it.”

That was the end of Joe Biden.

. . .

Kamala Harris was in a museum when her tour guide was called away.

She wandered around the museum on her own.

She entered a museum exhibit entitled Instruments of Medieval Torture.

She happened to see a strange item that looked like an upright coffin or upright sarcophagus.

Beside the strange contraption was a sign that said IRON MAIDEN.

“I wonder if this has something to do with the heavy metal band,” Harris scratched her head.

The coffin/sarcophagus door was open and on the inside of the door were huge protruding spikes.

“I wonder what these are,” Harris touched the spikes and tried to think.

“Oh, I know,” Harris hit her head, “These are probably spike protein antibodies like in the mRNA vaccines. This was probably an early vaccination method.”

Harris walked inside the coffin/sarcophagus.

“Hey, it fits me perfectly,” Harris grinned.

She thought for a moment.

“I wonder what happens when I close the door,” Harris mused aloud as she did just that.

That was the end of Kamala Harris.

. . .

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was in her room downing martinis as if they were glasses of lemonade.

She had the television on, she wasn’t sure of the channel but on came a television show from the 1950s that featured the late Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen.

After a few minutes of listening to him, Pelosi said, “Who is this guy anyhow? Is he even Catholic?”.

Sheen was talking about 1 Corinthians 11: 28-30 in which Saint Paul writes that those who take Communion unworthily eat and drink judgment on themselves.

“What a bunch of crap,” Nancy Pelosi remarked.

That was the end of Nancy Pelosi.

. . .

Members of Joe Biden’s cabinet within a 24 hour period were struck by lightning, turned into pillars of salt, had fire and brimstone rained upon them or died from the monkeypox virus.

. . .

“Well, Michelangelo,” Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague asked the psychic lobster, “how did you like that crab flavoured pollock?”.

Michelangelo asked for more.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 1st
2022.

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Renfield’s Monday Night Podcast and Michelangelo’s Vision of Renfield At Future Oscars

March 28, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Violinist Tina Guo is performing with the Hans Zimmer Live Tour over in Europe
Hans Zimmer won Best Musical Score for the movie Dune at last night’s Oscars

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “A few days ago senile old fool Joe Biden was in Poland shooting his mouth off about “freedom” and “liberty”.
What does a vaccinazi despot like Joe Biden know about “freedom” and “liberty” when he wanted to impose a national vaccine mandate on all of America?
The senile old fool Joe Biden also called for “Putin to be removed from power”. There’s nothing like tellng the leader of a rival nuclear power that you want him removed from power.
Of course Joe Biden’s handlers want nuclear war with Russia.
That way they can reduce the world’s population without waiting for those vaccine booster shots to kick in.
Although they are doing an excellent job in my own country of England.
British government data shows that 92.2% of all Covid deaths are among the triple vaccinated.
And last week Eastern European members of the European Parliament gave visiting Canadian Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau the raspberry that he so richly deserved.
Romanian and Croatian MEPs mentioned how he sent police horses to trample peaceful protestors and then passed an Emergencies Act so that he could seize the bank accounts of people whose political views he disagreed with.
This is the stuff of dictatorship the Romanian and Croatian MEPs pointed out (who were all too familiar with Communist dictators in their own countries).
Even the Presidents of both El Salvador and Honduras have called Justin Trudeau a despot and a dictator for sending police horses to trample protestors and for seizing bank accounts.
Personally I think Justin Trudeau should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland should be burnt at the stake as a witch.
Failing that, both of them should be charged with high treason against the Charter of Rights in the Canadian Constitution (that Justin’s stepdad Pierre had put in) and then thrown in jail.
If Justin Castro Trudeau was to have his lily white ass sodomized numerous times while he was in prison,that would be the best thing that could ever happen to him.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a future Oscars ceremony some years down the road.

Renfield had been nominated for the role of Best Actor for playing the role of Prince Hal in a Kenneth Branagh directed production of William Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 1.

Michelangelo was surprised to see Renfield was married in the vision as he sat at a front table close to the stage with his wife.

A foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was to present the next award for Best Porn Film (a new Oscar category) in Michelangelo’s vision.

Foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was a former Canadian Prime Minister who had been jailed for treason for a number of years.

Despite Justin Trudeau having been such a huge asshole, believe it or not his anus was a lot bigger after it had left prison than it was before coming in.

The foul mouthed alleged comic Justin Trudeau made an obscene insulting remark about Renfield’s wife.

Renfield got up on to the stage and approached the foul mouthed comic.

“Oh, oh,” one of the Academy Awards commentators could be heard saying, “I wonder if Renfield is going to punch Justin Trudeau like Will Smith did to Chris Rock a few years back.”

Renfield reached into his pocket, pulled out a gun and blew Justin Trudeau’s head off.

Justin Trudeau lay dead on the stage in a pool of blood- his perfectly coiffured hair now a tangled mess.

“Oh, oh,” one of the other commentators said, “I wonder what can be done about this situation as Renfield was granted a 007 License To Kill by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II a few years back. Maybe if he wins the Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Prince Hal in Henry IV Part 1, they’ll take the Oscar away from him.”

“Not if they want to live until the next morning, they won’t,” his commentating partner suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 28th
2022.

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Angie Lamarr

March 9, 2022 at 11:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Angie Lamarr is a secret agent for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit

The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had just hired a new woman to join the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit team.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster exploded his lobster tank when he saw her.

After getting a new lobster tank, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of what Angie Lamarr’s first assignment would be.

It was to join British MP Renfield R. Renfield in overthrowing the corrupt and despotic Justin Trudeau government.

After the government was overthrown, Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau, his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, his scumbag Public Security Minister, his scumbag Federal Minister of (In) Justice, corrupt Liberal Party appointed judges who denied bail to Freedom Convoy truckers or granted bail but denied them their Charter rights of free speech while out on bail, scumbag Nazi SS/Gestapo members of the RCMP who wanted to freeze a whole bunch of Canadians’ bank accounts and scumbag directors of the Canadian Bankers Association who said frozen bank accounts would be flagged for life found themselves tied face downwards and attached to strong ropes tied to the back of Angie Lamarr’s motorcycle.

“Hit it, Angie,” Renfield smiled and gave her the thumbs up.

Angie then hit the gas and started cruising down the highway looking for adventure or whatever comes her way.

Born to be wild.

Needless to say the rope burn and roadburn that the corrupt totalitarian inclined scumbags received was excruciatingly painful.

“I’ve got a complaint,” the whiny and petty pig-faced tyrant Justin Trudeau snivelled when the ride was over.

“You’ve got a complaint?” The world’s most handsome and charismatic black cat Midnight Noggles said atop his perch on the refrigerator as he watched the news.

Noggles sent some of the dry pieces of cat food crumbling to the floor as he always did when his brainless owners gave him dry cat food to eat instead of the wet and moist cat food that he loved and craved.

“You’ve got a complaint?” Noggles went on, “What about me? I’m forced to eat this dry cat food junk. I need and require moist cat food. What is it with these petty stupid humans feeding me dry cat food? Gods such as myself require moist wet cat food. I’m going to continue throwing these dry pellets off the refrigerator on to the floor until such time as these stupid chumps only feed me wet moist cat food.”

Noggles continued to throw the pieces of dry cat food on to the floor while the corrupt and despotic totalitarian inclined scumbags writhed and screamed in agony at the back of Angie Lamarr’s motorcycle on television.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 9th
2022.

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