The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

July 4, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Short play, Short play/ comedy, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster after binge watching 1990s episodes of The X-Files starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson then went to sleep 💤 in his aquarium at Set Enterprises and dreamed an X-Files related dream.

Fox Mulder (drinking a glass of bourbon) : What I want to know Scully is what do the highest levels of the U.S. government want with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body?

Dana Scully (shrugging): I have no idea, Mulder. I have no idea what the highest levels of the U.S. government are thinking. Or even if they think at all.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (sitting at the next table in the bar): I wish my doctor hadn’t advised me to give up cigarette smoking. I imagine I look pretty stupid doing this. (continues to inhale the nicotine off the patch with his nose)

Mulder (musing aloud): I wonder if it’s possible for someone’s hairpiece to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

Scully: What are you aiming at, Mulder? For someone to describe you in a tweet as “a mediocre FBI agent. Spends time chasing UFOs 🛸, Sasquatch and Loch Ness monster. Huge FAIL.”

Mulder: You think the Big Chief would actually mention me, Scully?

Scully: Considering the amount of time you spent watching that Stormy Daniels porn video last night, you and he do have something in common.

Mulder (smiling): Yes and it didn’t cost me $130,000 either.

Scully: But you’re right, Mulder. The government obviously wants something with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body.

Mulder: Genetic research at DARPA?

Scully: Most likely, Mulder.

Mulder: Which catacomb below the Vatican is the Greek nature god Pan located in?

Scully: The hieroglyphs under the base of Michelangelo’s statue of the nature god Pan reveal the whereabouts of the catacomb, Mulder.

(A small tabby cat walks by combing its fur with a comb in its paws 🐾)

Mulder: By Michelangelo, I take it you mean the Renaissance sculptor and painter, Scully, and not the psychic lobster who’s asleep in his aquarium at Set Enterprises dreaming about us?

Scully: Exactly, Mulder.

Mulder: And I strongly suspect that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster will use the information he gleaned in this dream to inform the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and Set will therefore beat both DARPA and America’s Twitterer-In-Chief in getting the Greek nature god Pan’s body first.

Scully (smoothing her skirt and crossing her legs): Of course, Mulder.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (after inhaling the tape that came with the patch): I must inform the Twitterer-In-Chief about this.

(He adjusts his election style campaign pin button on his suit which identifies him as a member of Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 to other Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 Society members. The button has on it two facial images- the image on the left is of Dana Scully and the image on the right is of DeForest Kelley’s Star Trek character Dr. Leonard H. McCoy)

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke.

Someone had left the TV on in the lab and BBC News had a breaking news story about how an intruder with a machete was found in Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse.

Apparently the intruder was stopped by one of Mr. Trudeau’s greenhouse plants.

BBC News Announcer: “The Canadian Prime Minister apparently owns a genetically created cactus 🌵 plant that has a mouth and has the ability to smoke marijuana cigarettes. The plant was specially developed for him by Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher right here in London. The cactus 🌵 plant apparently blew pot smoke 💨 in the machete wielding intruder’s face and sent him higher than a kite. The intruder is apparently undergoing surgery at Ottawa General Hospital to have cactus 🌵 needles removed from his goat 🐐 like furry bottom after he landed on top of the pot smoking cactus 🌵 plant and was busy shouting at the greenhouse ceiling, “The Nibiruan ET grays are coming. And Gali-Gula is their leader.”

“Meanwhile President Trump had apparently issued a tweet in which he offered condolences to the Canadian people over the death of Mr. Trudeau. He later deleted the tweet and said he was misled by fake news…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 4th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump On Judgement Day

December 10, 2017 at 5:00 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump On Judgement Day

In his aquarium at the Set Enterprises lab, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of what would happen to Donald Trump on Judgement Day.

Trump: What sort of total loser totally fucked-up creator God casts a great individual such as myself into Hell?

“That would be me,” Christ replied doing an excellent voice impersonation of comedian Bob Newhart in delivering that particular line.

Trump’s agonizing screams can be heard as he plunges downward.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 10th
2017.

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Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

July 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was hard at work in his Parliamentary office at Westminster.

“Hello, Venus In Stilettos 👠 Escort Agency?” Renfield was on the phone, “I was wondering if you could send a girl over to my Parliamentary office here in Westminster?”.

A voice similar to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher on old TV Peanuts cartoon specials spoke in reply.

“What am I interested in?” Renfield asked, “A literal reenactment of the title of that old Bryan Adams song The Summer of ’69.”

A choked gasp came from the voice that sounded like Peanuts Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded and grinned, “I want to be able to say these are the best days of my life.”

The voice spoke again.

“Thanks,” Renfield smiled, “Send her right over.”

Renfield put the phone down and manicured his fingernails.

“Who knew that being an MP could be so much fun?” Renfield looked at himself in the mirror atop his desk.

The phone rang again.

“Renfield R. Renfield,” the new MP answered.

It was the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis calling.

“Oh, hello, Isis,” Renfield undid his tie, “Thanks very much for taking me on that month long motorcycle 🏍 tour of France right after I was elected MP.”

“It was my pleasure, Rennie dearest,” Isis spoke in a sultry seductive voice, “Now, I was wondering if you would do me a favour.”

“Anything,” Renfield looked at his globe of the world.

“I understand Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has the ability to enter people’s dreams,” Isis stated.

“That is correct,” Renfield picked up a volume of Jung On The Collective Unconscious.

“I was wondering if you could talk to Michelangelo and get his psychic antennae to pay attention to this one certain individual’s dreams for me,” Isis requested.

“Well,” Renfield in his mind’s eye could see his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set slashing his delicate Renfieldian throat with those 66-inch long vampirically red fingernails of his, “Um… well as you know Michelangelo is a genetic creation bought and paid for by my former boss Set’s hard earned billions. I really don’t feel like betraying my former boss especially when I’m still living in his mansion.”

“Fine, you be loyal to your former boss then,” the vampiress Isis laughed an evil laugh, “but don’t be so unhappy when I send all those London newspapers the photos I took of you in all those compromising positions with various young French mademoiselles.”

Renfield was silent for a moment.

Finally he grabbed a pen and paper and spoke, “And what was the name of the individual whose dreams you want Michelangelo to enter?”.

Isis mentioned the individual’s name.

Renfield wrote it down.

He then hung up the phone without bothering to say good-bye.

That name sounded familiar for some reason.

Renfield checked his mobile phone and read an email that his friend and former co-employee Amadeus Emanon had sent him that afternoon.

“You asked me to tell you whenever Michelangelo predicted a good sound investment for the future. This afternoon he came up with one. He recommends you buy paintings painted by the South African artist SAREJESS as sound art investments for the future.

-Amadeus ”

Renfield looked at the globe of the world again.

Was this coincidence?

Or a case of Jungian synchronicity at work?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 19th
2017.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Pope Francis’ Future Proclamation

June 3, 2017 at 3:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont waited impatiently by her car for her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon to leave the Set Enterprises building.

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont

Inside the building, Amadeus Emanon waited while Dr. Cadbury Rocher was checking the lab computers for the newest psychic revelation from the future that his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo was now receiving.

Eureka! Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster tapped on the aquarium glass with his lobster antennae in Morse code.

The revelation came in.

It was Pope Francis making an ex cathedra statement from the balcony of the Vatican.

Said Francis, “Many Muslims have expressed to me the desire to join the Catholic Church but they can’t because they cannot in good conscience accept the Doctrine of the Trinity nor the Doctrine of the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. Henceforth in my capacity as Bishop of Rome, Successor of Peter and Vicar of Christ, I hereby proclaim ex cathedra that it’s no longer necessary to believe in the Doctrine of the Trinity or the Doctrine of the Incarnate Deity of Christ and still be Catholic. A Catholic no longer has to believe these doctrines.”

Dr. Cadbury Rocher and Amadeus Emanon both looked at the news telecast from the future (that Michelangelo had picked up on his lobster antennae) in shock.

Meanwhile outside, Angelique Dumont looked at her Rolex watch and said angrily, “The time is now.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2017.

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Sherlock Holmes and The Zohar

March 5, 2017 at 4:47 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Religion, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a dream about Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Dr. Watson. In the dream, Holmes said to Watson:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

According to the Zohar the foundational text of Jewish mysticism, Watson, a seven-star system similar to our own will be discovered and then all Hell shall break loose.

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Hillary, Russia and Our Lady of Fatima

December 21, 2016 at 4:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was getting another transmission from the future on his lobster antennae.

Renfield R. Renfield watched the transmission appear on his computer screen.

In the transmission, Hillary Clinton was giving a speech and she was quoting the message of Fatima.

Said Hillary, “The Virgin Mary told the three shepherd children at Fatima that Russia would spread its errors throughout the world. And of course the biggest of Russia’s errors spreading throughout the world was me not becoming President of the United States.”

“Good God,” the atheistic Renfield gasped, “Now I’ve seen and heard everything.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 21st
2016.

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Michelangelo Peeks Into The Clintons’ Future

December 6, 2016 at 5:41 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo Peeks Into The Clintons’ Future

Renfield R. Renfield asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to peer into the future of Bill and Hillary Clinton to see what they’re up to.

Michelangelo’s vision would be transferred via his lobster antennae to a computer screen that Renfield was watching.

“It looks like the Clintons are having a wee bit of a tiff,” Renfield remarked as he gazed at the computer screen.

Hillary (screaming): Bill, anything you can do, I can do better.

Bill (answering back): Oh yeah. Well I got to be President of the United States and you didn’t. (sticks his tongue out) Nyaaah, nyaah, nyaah, nyaah! Ha! Ha!

(Hillary grabs a frying pan and hits Bill over the head with it)

Sound of Frying Pan (hitting Bill’s head): Clang!

(Bill falls to the floor unconscious)

(Hillary bangs a gong to call the Secret Service)

Sound of gong being struck by Hillary: Clang!

(A group of terrified Secret Service agents arrive in the room)

Hillary (pointing to her unconscious husband on the floor): Will you please pick Bill up and drag him out to the dog house in the back yard again and leave him there!

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 6th
2016.

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Pegasus Unveiled

November 19, 2016 at 6:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pegasus Unveiled

Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had invited former British Prime Minister David Cameron on a tour of Set Enterprises’ Laboratories.

The sanity challenged scientist had run into the former British PM in a tea shop.

Mr. Cameron was looking depressed as a result of the fact he was no longer Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and as a result of the fact that the British people had voted for BREXIT even though he had personally campaigned for the United Kingdom to remain within the European Union.

To cheer Mr. Cameron up, Dr. Rocher invited him on a tour of his laboratories.

Rocher introduced Cameron to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was wearing sunglasses and lying on the sand at the bottom of the aquarium reading a water proof copy of the magazine The Hot Looking Babes In Donald Trump’s Life.

“I think Michelangelo has been spending too much time with Renfield,” Dr. Rocher thought to himself when he noticed his genetically created psychic lobster’s choice of reading material.

David Cameron suddenly noticed a measuring gauge that said 30 trillion below zero.

“This gauge here,” David Cameron pointed to it, “that says 30 trillion below zero. What is it measuring?”.

“The collective IQ of the editors, columnists and reporters at the Washington Post newspaper,” Dr. Rocher replied.

“Really?” David Cameron was shocked, “how long has the gauge been showing that?”.

“Well it had hit a trillion below zero by the end of U.S. Election Night November 8th 2016,” Dr. Rocher replied, “and it’s been going down hill ever since.”

“I see they’re now saying,” Cameron stated referring to the pundits at The Washington Post, “that Trump won’t be bringing real change to Washington DC.”

“Yes,” Dr. Cameron smiled and nodded, “the same geniuses who had been saying all year that Trump would never win the Presidency.”

“You think Trump will bring real change to Washington DC?” Cameron queried.

“Yes,” Dr. Rocher answered in the affirmative, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has been showing me visions of what America and the world will look like under a Trump Presidency. There’s real change a-coming.”

Cracks started to emerge in Michelangelo’s aquarium as the Psychic Lobster got a vision of well known London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes showing up on the floor of Congress during Trump’s 1st State of the Union Address.

As Dr. Cadbury Rocher led David Cameron through the maze of laboratories at Set Enterprises, they passed through the office of Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises.

Renfield wasn’t in his office at the moment. He was coaching an attractive young female Drama student at the University of London. He was playing the part of President Bill Clinton to her Monica Lewinsky.

“It’s a shame we have to ruin such a beautiful blue dress,” Renfield told her, “but nevertheless the Stanislavski method calls for realism.”

As Renfield was busy producing an unpatented brand of mouthwash, Dr. Rocher used Renfield’s absence in the office to briefly watch BBC World News on Renfield’s high-definition television screen.

BBC Reporter: Hello, this is Nigel Roberts reporting for BBC News in New York City. At tonight’s impromptu anti-Trump rally in Central Park, something unusual is occurring. There are reports of a moustached man with a British accent appearing to ugly looking women at the rally and saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly.” The ugly looking women are then beheaded by another man who is wearing Bermuda shorts here on this cold mid-November night in New York City and who is reported to have hairy goats’ legs as well as hooves for feet.

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy (interjecting from BBC Central Studios in London):

Nigel, we’re getting reports that the entire New York City membership of the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation has been wiped out. Is that correct?

Nigel Roberts: That is correct, Geeta. The entire membership was decapitated just within the past hour by the said individual with Bermuda shorts and hairy goats’ legs. Wait a minute, I think I can see that machete wielding individual now. Yes… it’s… I do believe it’s Pan Goatee the famous serial killer whose specialty is killing ugly looking women in what he has called his “one man crusade to make the world a more beautiful place in which to live.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Nigel, can you get an interview with him?

Nigel Roberts: Pan Goatee is within range of the camera now. Pan, Pan, Pan, can you say a word to our audience here on BBC World News?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Sure, Nigel, I’ve always got plenty of time to talk to the media.

Nigel Roberts: Now, Pan, one mystery has been solved at this anti-Trump rally in Central Park tonight. You’re obviously the individual who’s been seen beheading ugly looking women at this rally…

Pan Goatee: That’s correct, Nigel. As Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer might well put it, “There aren’t as many Hillary Clinton supporters as there used to be.”

Nigel Roberts: And Pantsuit Nation is gone?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Pantsuit Nation is gone. Only headless corpses in pantsuits will be seen walking the fashion runways and catwalks in New York this autumn.

Nigel Roberts: But the one question I do have is, if you’re the one doing the beheadings, then who is the moustached gentleman with the British accent saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before you decapitate them?

Pan Goatee: Well, as you know, Nigel, I’ve been working on developing my psychic abilities. As you know, I can astral project and I can also create an astral laser beam machete with my mind. I’ve also been working on producing holographic images with my mind.

Nigel Roberts: Really?

Pan Goatee: Yes and Donald Trump’s lovely daughters, particularly the lovely Ivanka, have been helping me with my cultural development. And part of that cultural development has been watching the popular 1970s British comedy Fawlty Towers with John Cleese as Basil Fawlty.

Nigel Roberts: I loved that show.

Pan Goatee: Anyways you may recall that episode where John Cleese as Basil Fawlty is in an hospital room and he says to some nurse, “My God, but you’re ugly”.

Nigel Roberts: Oh yes, I remember that episode very well.

Pan Goatee: I laughed for hours when I heard that line. That’s what gave me the inspiration to produce with my mind a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before I behead them. It’s sort of a unique comedic dramatic way of adding insult to injury.

Nigel Roberts (smiling at the camera): Well mystery solved, Geeta.
It’s Pan Goatee beheading the ugly looking women at these anti-Trump rallies. And it’s a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded.

Geeta Guru-Murthy: So your report there from the anti-Trump rally in Central Park, Nigel, is ugly women are dead and Pantsuit Nation is gone.

Nigel Roberts (grinning): That’s correct, Geeta.

Geeta Guru-Murthy (smiling at the camera) : Well with that in mind, it makes me glad that I’m beautiful and glad that I’m wearing a skirt this evening.

Former British Prime Minister David Cameron looked at the TV screen in total shock.

Said Cameron, “It’s like a combination of a slasher horror film and one of those futuristic science-fiction movies. A satyr serial killer beheading ugly women. And a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded. It’s incredible.”

“It is and of course being female,” Dr. Rocher pointed out, “they’re probably more upset by the words thrown at them in the last moment of their mortal life than they are about being beheaded.”

“Undoubtedly,” David Cameron wholeheartedly agreed.

Dr. Rocher then led Cameron to his next laboratory where there was a screen in front of a large glass enclosure.

“And now, Mr. Cameron, I present to you my greatest creation, the creature I’ve spent the past dozen years trying to genetically re-create,” the scientist pushed a button.

“Good God,” David Cameron gasped, “It’s Pegasus the winged horse of Greek mythology.”

Meanwhile in his aquarium, Michelangelo was ripping off a piece of waterproof masking tape trying to repair the crack on his aquarium glass.

As he did so, the psychic lobster recalled a comment that an American pundit had made earlier this year, “There’s about as much chance of Donald Trump being elected President as there is of the winged horse Pegasus being re-created.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was returning to his office after finally collecting and picking up his recently won baseball winnings from a British bookie. He was recalling a statement that another pundit had made at the start of the year, “There’s about much chance of Donald Trump winning the Presidency as there is of the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series after 108 years.”

It was as Dr. Cadbury Rocher had said (and as the folk songs of the 1960s had said 50 years previously), “The times, they are a-changing.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 17th
2016.

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Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

November 9, 2016 at 6:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Post-Election Aftermath: A Renfieldian Analysis

In the editorial boardrooms of The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and the United Kingdom’s own The Economist newsmagazine, they sat there with totally stupefied and totally stupid looks on their faces.

Not one of these self-proclaimed geniuses had seen this coming.

Many of them began to think that Josef Stalin had it right after all, when every few years, he had slaughtered millions of the common people.

Perhaps if they, the western world’s global elite, had been doing the same thing the past several decades, yesterday’s election debacle might have been prevented.

Even BREXIT might have been stillborn.

Representing the members of the film, music and entertainment industry’s chattering classes, a female blonde moron wearing a t-shirt that said I USED TO BE HANNAH MONTANA sobbed, “Now everybody is going to think that we in the film, music and entertainment industries are a bunch of airheads” (totally oblivious to the fact that most American citizens and indeed most people across the world already thought so).

To confirm the former Miss Montana’s idiotic fears, most of those in the film, music and entertainment industries who had jumped on the losing side’s bandwagon were already using the hoses off bicycle tire air pumps to try to pump their heads up to what should be their proper cranial and cerebral size.

A defeated Presidential candidate in her campaign headquarters who had been forced to write a concession speech at the last moment (a speech she had never written throughout her entire election campaign) was now reflecting how the vast right-wing conspiracy was even more vast than she had originally thought in that TV interview she gave 20 years ago.

In the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada,that metropolis’ vast conglomerate of pot-smoking potheads were trying desperately to get off the One Hell of A Nightmare stoner trip they were currently on about what had occurred south of the border.

. . .

As Amadeus Emanon watched Renfield R. Renfield type up his analysis of the U.S. Presidential election, he remarked, “So Michelangelo was right and the experts were wrong?”.

(Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster for Set Enterprises had correctly called the U.S. Election almost a month ago

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/michelangelo-calls-u-s-election/

)

“That should come as no surprise, should it?” Renfield asked as he took a large swig from a bottle of Tennessee bourbon and struck his best Ernest Hemingway pose.

“No, I suppose not,” Amadeus reflected.

“After all, you know what an expert is, don’t you?” Renfield grinned as he lit a cigar before proceeding to bang away on his old antique Underwood typewriter.

“No, what is an expert?” Amadeus almost dreaded to ask Renfield.

“Well,” Renfield grinned as he chewed his cigar, “an ex is a has-been and a spurt is a drip of water under pressure.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 9th
2016.

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Hillary and Bill and The Zombie Apocalypse

November 2, 2016 at 4:37 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Hillary and Bill and The Zombie Apocalypse

Renfield R. Renfield was once again taking advantage of genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo’s remote viewing abilities to find out what was going on behind the scenes of the Clinton campaign .

Renfield was getting a kick out of what was happening with Hillary:

“What applies to mere mortals doesn’t apply to Hillary Clinton,” Hillary shrieked in the third person as she threw a vase at an FBI agent.

Meanwhile Bill Clinton was meeting with famed South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo who was noted for being able to raise the dead as zombies.

“As you know, Dr. Makabo,” Bill blushed, “Fox News has discovered to our embarrassment that a lot of registered voters on voters’ lists are in fact dead. These same dead people were going to vote for Hillary at the polls but now some people are making a big stink about this. So Dr. Makabo, if you’re able to raise these people from their respective graves and cemeteries as zombies, then they could trudge into the polls and vote.”

“I could do that,” Dr. Makabo admitted, “but they would trudge into the polls with their arms in front of them, with an empty vacant look in their eyes, grunt and groan a lot and say in a mindless voice, We need brains.”

“Well then they’d fit right in with most voters,” Bill grinned.

And so it was arranged and agreed upon.

Doctor Makabo would raise dead people from the dead as zombies to vote for Hillary.

The listening Renfield found it quite appropriate that a country so taken with the idea of a zombie apocalypse as the U.S. had been for the past 5 to 6 years- that the Zombie Apocalypse would finally arrive on U.S. Election Day.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 2nd
2016.

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