James Bondeseque SPECTRE Like Billionaire Meets The Demon Buffalo

July 21, 2022 at 9:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Miles Standish Longfellow Farm had been a family farm in the Didsbury district of Alberta for over 100 years.

It raised dairy cattle.

Dairy cattle were not as offensive as beef cattle to the climate change obsessed but they were offensive none the less.

All this bovine flatulence left a heavy carbon footprint on the planet.

This this knew for Bill Gates told them so.

And speaking of Bill Gates, the billionaire eugenicist was walking around the Longfellow farm.

“What are you doing here?” The farmer’s daughter Evangeline Longfellow asked Gates.

“As you have probably heard,” the obnoxious geek grinned obnoxiously, “I have bought up most of the farmland in the United States of America. And now I have decided to do the same in Canada. Both countries will enjoy the benefits of my enlightened agricultural policies. And I have decided to start by buying this Longfellow farm first.”

“Get lost, creep,” Evangeline hit him over the head with a frying pan.

Gates was knocked out cold.

When he came to, Hiawatha a neighbour of the Longfellows was doing a dance in the moonlight.

The dance summoned a mysterious creature.

That creature was the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake.

The demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red and spoke in a Vincent Price like voice, “You belong in the bowels of Hell.”

The demon buffalo stood up on its hind legs and hooves and approached Bill Gates.

Gates ran.

He ran to his Rolls-Royce limousine.

A limousine whose emissions left more of a carbon footprint on the planet than all the rear ends of all the dairy cattle on the Longfellow farm put together.

“All right,” Gates swore, “No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’ll phone my good friend and bum buddy Justin Trudeau and he’ll pass legislation forcibly expropriating all the family farms in Western Canada. He’ll give them to me to enforce WEF Agricultural Policy.

At that moment Justin Trudeau was standing in front of his pot smoking antique mirror possessed by Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors.

The Neo-Stalinist tyrant was dressed like a black faced Marie Antoinette.

He had heard rumours of a coming food shortage.

Said Justin of the country’s peasants and workers, “Let them eat bugs.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 21st

Permalink 6 Comments