Miranda Singh and The Tallbanger Dossier

July 18, 2019 at 11:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Miranda Singh and The Tallbanger Dossier

Miranda Singh stood in Collingwood Hills Park not far from the estate of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

The personal Executive Secretary to the billionaire Set was awaiting the arrival of a carrier pigeon from America.

The carrier pigeon would be carrying an envelope containing information written down by Set Enterprises’ chief spy and secret agent Harvey Tallbanger.

The information was deemed too hot to handle to send by electronic communications.

Tallbanger’s smart phone had started on fire when he had tried to send an encrypted text message on it.

The pigeon arrived and sat on a statue of Julius Caesar that was in the park.

Miranda went over and picked up the envelope the carrier pigeon was carrying in its beak.

Miranda opened the envelope and read the information that Tallbanger had gathered.

Tallbanger began his report by referencing an NBC News video that showed Donald Trump and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein together at a party in 1992.

The video showed Trump and Epstein discussing women at the party.

Tallbanger noted that a brunette woman who appeared in the video in the background behind Trump and Epstein was none other than Ghislaine Maxwell the daughter of British publishing mogul Robert Maxwell.

Maxwell had died on Guy Fawkes Day (November 5th) in 1991 after having fallen overboard naked from his yacht into the Atlantic Ocean near the Canary Islands.

He is buried in the Mount of Olives Jewish Cemetery in Jerusalem.

Tallbanger noted that Maxwell was believed by many to have been a Mossad operative.

British journalist Gordon Thomas the author of the 1999 book Gideon’s Spies certainly believed that to be the case.

Tallbanger noted that there were some who believed that Jeffrey Epstein was also a Mossad operative.

As no one seemed to have any idea where Epstein got his billions from.

Epstein had got his first job back in 1974 as a Mathematics and Physics teacher at Dalton Academy an exclusive private school in the Upper East Side of Manhattan where until the spring of that year Donald Barr (the father of current U.S. Attorney-General William Barr) had been the headmaster.

Later Epstein went to work for Bear Stearns as an options trader back in 1976.

In August 1981, Epstein started the first of his own companies Intercontinental Assets Group Inc. (IAG). 

No one was quite sure what it was that Epstein did although he described his work at the time as that of a “high-level bounty hunter”.

Epstein founded what he called his own financial management firm J. Epstein & Co. in 1987.

Tallbanger went on in the report to note that Epstein apparently had a Saudi Arabian passport that was discovered when police went to his New York home in this year of Epstein’s current arrest for sex trafficking.

The passport listed a residence in Saudi Arabia.

Tallbanger had discovered that the residence had once belonged to Adnan Khashoggi a billionaire Saudi Arabian businessman and arms dealer who died at the Harley Street Clinic Diagnostic Centre in London back on June 6th 2017.

Miranda Singh thought to herself as she read the Tallbanger dossier, “Why does that name Khashoggi sound so familiar?”.

As if reading her thoughts, Tallbanger had written in the next paragraph, “Adnan Khashoggi is the uncle of Jamal Khashoggi the Saudi journalist who was best known for having been sawed to pieces by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s personal maintenance and janitorial cleaning services at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul Turkey on October 2nd of last year.”

Wow, Miranda thought to herself.

“Interestingly enough,” Tallbanger had then wrote, “Donald Trump had purchased a $100 million yacht from Adnan Khashoggi for $29 million back in 1988.”

Curiouser and curiouser, Miranda thought to herself.

“Then 2 years later in 1990,” Tallbanger had written, “Trump turned around and sold that yacht to Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal for $20 million incurring a $9 million loss.”

Very curious indeed, Miranda thought.

Then she wondered, why did the name of Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal sound so familiar?

Again, as if reading her thoughts, Tallbanger had written, “Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal was the one who was held upside down hanging from his toes in a room in the Ritz-Carleton Hotel in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia from November 2017 until January 2018 until he agreed to give all his wealth to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.”

Ah, that’s the one, Miranda nodded.

Tallbanger went on in his report to wonder whether Robert Maxwell’s daughter Ghislaine wasn’t also a Mossad operative and quite possibly Epstein’s Mossad handler.

The Welsh pooka secret agent noted that Ghislaine was a licensed jet pilot, a licensed helicopter pilot and a licensed submarine submersible pilot- something very handy to have as a secret agent.

Tallbanger then noted that Donald Trump had flown Epstein, Ghislaine and a woman (who could have been anywhere from 15 to 20 years old) from New York to Florida back on April 15th 2000 on his own personal jet.

The reporter who had written the flight item in passing had thought that it was Mr. and Mrs. Epstein and their daughter who had taken the flight.

But Tallbanger pointed out, Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell were not married and they did not have a daughter.

And Tallbanger noted, if the girl on Trump’s plane was underage (like many aboard Epstein’s own Lolita Express flights), then Trump himself could be charged with interstate trafficking of a minor (having flown her from New York to Florida).

Was this, Miranda wondered, the smoking gun that could bring down Donald Trump?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 18th
2019.

Advertisements

Permalink 11 Comments

Miranda Singh On A Saturday Afternoon In Early July

July 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm (Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Miranda Singh On A Saturday Afternoon In Early July

Miranda Singh sat in Collingwood Hills Park a park not far from the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.

Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was conducting scientific experiments in the park to see if he could bring about early autumn colours on the trees in early summer.

He seemed to be succeeding judging from some of the colours on the leaves of the trees behind where Miss Singh sat.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in a small wading pool in the park typing on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws and mixing tracks from different seasons from Antonio Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons on his GarageBand app.

And a couple of baroque music enthusiasts sitting on a nearby park bench said he was succeeding.

Michelangelo looked in Miss Singh’s direction.

Small children left the wading pool in droves when the GarageBand app on the lobster’s iPad exploded.

The iPad was playing Beethoven’s Song of Joy as Amadeus Emanon rescued the crustacean and his tablet.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was not at the Set Enterprises family picnic on this day as he was currently attending the christening ceremony for Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor at Windsor Castle.

Meanwhile Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh Pooka bunny rabbit walked around the picnic carrying his favourite drink a Tequila Sunrise.

He sat across from Miranda Singh and the pair discussed their respective secret agent and spying missions they had conducted for Set Enterprises last month.

Meanwhile under a nearby tree, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was neither a current employee nor a former employee of Set Enterprises) awoke with a huge hangover from last night’s carousing and revelry that he had engaged in in the nearby West London theatre district.

Feeling hungry, he helped himself to a picnic basket full of ham and cheese sandwiches.

“Hey, what happened to all the ham and cheese sandwiches?” Amadeus cried out a few minutes later.

Meanwhile Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster lay down at Miranda Singh’s feet.

The European Union anthem was being played with great enthusiasm on Michelangleo’s iPad GarageBand app to the great disappointment of BREXIT Party leader Nigel Farage who was walking nearby.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 6th
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

Miranda Singh At The Jerusalem Summit

June 25, 2019 at 9:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh At The Jerusalem Summit 

(A Poem Written In Semi-Chaucerian Fashion With Apologies To Geoffrey Chaucer)

Miss Singh walked down the street wearing the bracelets of Kali
She was heading towards a Jerusalem deli 
Now visible again was she
After attending summit of nations 3

Israel, Russia and the U.S.A.
The B.S. was flying at end of day 
John Bolton said all agreed Iran must leave Syria
A statement that to Russian ears was pure diarrhea 

Nikolai Patrushev said it was wrong to brand Iran as destabilizing force in the region 
Even though Trump and Netanyahu say Iranian sins are legion 
In response to new U.S. sanctions enacted by Trump 
unlike chocolates given by mom of Forrest Gump
Hassan Rouhani on Twitter did say
at the dawn of Iranian day,
The Trump White House is “mentally retarded”
Replied Trump, “On insulting people with tweets, don’t get me started”

And so therein lies a tale 
of skull and bones but not at Yale
The kings of West and East
play games of war and peace 

To every word that is uttered by rooftop or behind closed doors
It’s more stupidity than conscious design that leads to wars
An Alexander, Hitler, Napoleon or Caesar may plan conquest 
But the likes of Kaiser Wilhelm are also not among the blessed 
Because bullying and intransigence will put the world to the test.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 25th
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Miranda Singh At The King David Hotel In Jerusalem

June 24, 2019 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh At The King David Hotel In Jerusalem

Miranda Singh in the lobby of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was sitting in the lobby of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem.

Earlier in the day, she had worn Kali’s bracelets of invisibility and had spied on the closed door meeting between U.S. National Security advisor John Bolton and Russian National Security advisor Nikolay Patrushev where the pair had discussed Ukraine, arms control and Venezuela.

Tomorrow there would be a trilateral meeting with Israeli National Security advisor Meir Ben-Shabbat that Miranda Singh would also be attending uninvited.

. . .

In London, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading text messages from Miranda Singh.

His personal butler and valet Athelstan was acting as his secretary while Miss Singh was away.

“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 6th Annual Nicolas Maduro Invitational Golf Tournament in Caracas next month,” Set directed.

“Very good, sir,” Athelstan made a note of that.

“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 1st Annual Volodymyr Zelensky Invitational Golf Tournament in Kiev next month,” Set said after reading another text message.

“Very good, sir,” Athelstan also made a note of that.

“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 3rd Annual Donald Trump Display of U.S. Military Power Invitational Golf Tournament at the Mar-a-Lago Club in Florida for next month,” Set announced after reading a third text message.

“Very good, sir,” Athelstan likewise made a note of that.

Set then made a call to his stock broker to invest in a company that would soon be exporting ice to Tuktoyaktuk which is Canada’s northernmost community on the Arctic Ocean.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 24th
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares

June 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares


Miranda Singh is stopped on the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall by the Greek god Ares

As Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked up the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall, she was suddenly approached from behind by Ares the Greek god of war.

“Stop,” Ares had said to her, “Is it true that you have the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali in your possession?”.

As Ares moved in closer, Miranda kicked him down the stairs with one of her spiked stilettos where the Greek war deity hit his head on the sidewalk when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He was immediately sent to cuckoo-land.

The Olympian dreamed that he was in a clockmaker’s shop in Switzerland where the clock maker was making a clock where Donald Trump came out by the hour and said, “Cuck-hoo! Cuck-hoo!”.

Miranda Singh had been given the heads up by her employer Set that she might be approached by a Greek deity.

Apparently Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had received a vision that the deities of Mount Olympus were very interested in the upcoming Middle East security summit that would be held in Israel between the Israeli, U.S. and Russian national security advisors.

Miranda Singh would be covertly attending the summit by wearing the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 10th 
2019.

Permalink 2 Comments

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

Permalink 12 Comments

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel

June 7, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel


Miranda Singh posing for Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo

Miranda Singh the personal secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was currently in Israel.

Ostensibly to spy for her boss’ former employee British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs Commitee).

Coincidentally Renfield himself was in Israel on an official fact finding mission for the British government.

As opposed to the unofficial fact finding mission she was on.

She would eventually be using the goddess Kali’s invisibility bracelets to spy on a secret meeting between the U.S., Israeli and Russian national security advisors in Israel.

Her cover story was that she was in Israel on a photo shoot for the famous Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo.

She was currently in a Jerusalem swimming pool facility being photographed.

Accompanying her on this part of her mission was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

As Miranda was sitting on a pool side deck chair being photographed by Señor Domingo, Dracul noticed a black panther swimming in the pool towards her direction.

Inclined to think such a thing suspicious, Van Helsing fired the arrow on his crossbow at the panther as it leapt out of the pool towards Miranda.

The arrow struck the panther in one of its front legs.

The panther quickly shapeshifted into a woman- who could have passed as an identical twin sister of the great 1940s French actress Simone Simon.

She had an arrow sticking out of her arm.

“Merde!” She said, “I don’t think my travellers’ insurance covers medical care costs in Israel.”

She went running out of the swimming pool facility.

. . .

“That’s so gay,” Renfield remarked as he entered Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office and saw the Prime Minister bending over his desk with his pants down and his drawers open and being sodomized in the rear end by his newly appointed capital letter “G” (in the Alphabet Politburo of Western secular society) Justice Minister.

“Renfield!” Netanyahu’s face was ashen white, “Your appointment isn’t for another hour.”

“I knew I should have put a new battery in before I left London,” Renfield looked at his watch.

Netanyahu’s face was as red as a beet and he tried to explain, “This is my new Justice Minister whom I’ve named to avoid criminal prosecution on corruption charges.”

“I think I’d prefer criminal prosecution on corruption charges instead,” Renfield remarked as he hurriedly exited the office.

. . .

The year was 1960 and Jesuit priest Malachi Martin was watching actress Sophia Loren beating the boys at pool in a Rome billiards hall.

Father Martin who was heterosexual (unlike many of his compatriots in the Jesuit order) enjoyed watching Miss Loren play pool.

The priest looked at his watch.

He better get back to the Vatican where he served as personal Secretary to the powerful Jesuit cardinal Augustin Cardinal Bea.

Little did he realize when he got back to the office that he would be privileged to read the Third Secret of Fatima (a message delivered to three shepherd children by Mary the Mother of Jesus when she appeared at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917).

A message that both Pope John XXIII and Augustin Cardinal Bea had read.

A message that was supposed to be released to the world in 1960 but never was.

The Vatican claimed to have finally released the secret in June 2000 (11 months after Father Martin’s death) but it was only a vision associated with the message not the text of Mary’s words in the message itself.

Malachi Martin had taken an oath that day in 1960 never to reveal the Message.

Although he did strongly hint at its contents when he appeared on the Coast-To-Coast AM Radio Program with Art Bell back in the late 1990s.

And when asked by TV interviewer Merv Griffin back in the mid-1980s what was the most pressing issue of our time, Father Martin cryptically replied, “Russia and the role it plays in the future survival of the State of Israel.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday June 7th 
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

Renfield Wasn’t Invited To The Jerusalem Security Summit

June 2, 2019 at 10:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing the world political situation with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“So Donald Trump says that Boris Johnson would make an excellent Prime Minister,” Amadeus said.

“Yes, I hope that jack ass’ favourable tweet doesn’t ruin Boris’ chances of winning the British Conservative Party leadership,” Renfield answered with a grim look on his face.

Renfield supported Johnson becoming Conservative Party leader because Boris was going to name Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering should the former win the leadership and become Prime Minister.

“So what’s on your agenda in the meantime?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield answered, “there’s going to be a regional security summit in Jerusalem this month between U.S. National Security advisor John Bolton and his Israeli counterpart Meir Ben-Shabbat and Nikolai Patrushev the secretary of the Russian Security Council. And the really shocking thing is I wasn’t invited.”

“The horror! The horror!” Amadeus spoke a Marlon Brando movie line as he ate a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

“I wholeheartedly concur,” Renfield nodded, “so I’ve talked to the Boss (the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) and we’re going to send a spy to that meeting.”

“Would that be the Boss’ invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger?” Amadeus asked.

“No, the Boss has another mission for Tallbanger this month,” Renfield replied, “so he’s going to send his secretary Miranda Singh to the meeting.”

“But won’t she be noticed?” Amadeus inquired.

“Dr. Cadbury Rocher managed to borrow the invisibility bracelets belonging to the goddess Kali,” Renfield answered, “so Miranda is going to put those on prior to the meeting.”

“How did Dr. Rocher manage to obtain Kali’s invisibility bracelets?” Amadeus pondered this.

“He ran into Kali at an Indian restaurant in London last month,” Renfield explained, “and asked if he could borrow her invisibility bracelets for the next 6 months”.

“What did Dr. Rocher offer Kali in return?” Amadeus was curious to know.

“Dr. Rocher gave her his own personal personal recipe for making gelato ice cream,” Renfield replied, “a recipe that’s deliciously divine.”

“I didn’t know Dr. Rocher made a divinely delicious gelato ice cream,” Amadeus was shocked, “He’s never offered me any.”

“That’s because he knows you’d eat every carton he’s made if you tasted it,” Renfield astutely noted.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday June 2nd 
2010.


Miranda Singh: will soon be trying on Kali’s invisibility bracelets in Jerusalem

Permalink 2 Comments

Riderless Horse Bodexpress: What Does This Bode For The World?

May 18, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were watching the Preakness Stakes live from the Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland.

They were surprised to see a horse named Bodexpress throw its rider the jockey John Velazquez off at the start of the running of the 144th Preakness Stakes and continue running the race of the race riderless.

Bodexpress came in 2nd from last in the race although technically he got a Did Not Finish even though he ran an extra loop around the track prior to being caught by outriders.

“How will this bode for the world when a riderless horse named Bodexpress crosses the finish line?” Amadeus wondered aloud, “It certainly gives one a sense of foreboding in what is to come.”

“It does indeed,” Renfield remarked as he fed his four goldfish he called the Four Goldfish of The Apocalypse.

Amadeus switched to another channel.

The channel showed Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders giving a campaign speech somewhere, “I think three-year-olds should be allowed to choose their own gender.”

“It sounds like there must be plenty of legalized Canadian cannabis crossing the border across Quebec into Vermont,” Renfield commented.

The phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

He put it back down.

“Who was that?” Amadeus helped himself to another nacho.

“That was Miranda Singh from Set Enterprises,” Renfield answered, “Apparently Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster watched that horse race and he typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws that the ghost of a pirate jumped on Bodexpress after his jockey fell off and rode that horse the rest of the race as well as the extra lap around.”

“The ghost of a pirate?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, the ghost of a pirate,” Renfield nodded.

“I wonder what this means for the world?” Amadeus dipped his nacho chip in salsa.

“It means the ghost of that pirate isn’t a very successful jockey,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 18th
2019.

Permalink 2 Comments

Putin, Maduro, Vampire Set and Miranda Singh

February 12, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading Russian language copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

“How stupid these people be,” Putin pushed the copies of both papers into the waste paper basket where they were removed by the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) for him to use as toilet paper.

“I’m almost inspired to manipulate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election,” Putin mused aloud, “to make up for the false accusations that I manipulated the results of the 2016 election. Because the New York Times and The Washington Post can’t bring themselves to admit that the past 50 years of the dumbed down liberal progressive education system (that they approved of and applauded) has resulted in a dumbed down electorate who would actually rather vote for someone like Trump rather than the Establishment’s anointed female messiah Hellcat from Hell. So they have to blame us- the Russians- rather than the Frankenstein monster of an electorate that their liberal progressive educational ideas have created.”

“It is rough, Comrade President,” the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had to admit as she smoothed her Red Army brown skirt.

“What really pisses me off is that if we wanted someone as a Manchurian candidate puppet to be President and our elite team of hackers could put that individual into office, what makes them think we’d choose Trump?” Putin gazed out the Kremlin window, “Total nutcases are so unpredictable and don’t make very good puppets. And these jerks in the liberal U.S. media don’t think Russian Intelligence is good enough to spot a nutcase when we see one? We have a lot more intelligence in spotting one than do the American electorate.”

“America’s biggest mistake in the long run will be to underestimate Russian intelligence,” Svetlana crossed her legs and crushed a miniature American flag under her spiked stiletto.

. . .

“Who does this Donald Trump think he is anyways?” Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro raged to his companion, “Telling me that I’m not the legitimate President of Venezuela.”

“This Trump has a massive ego,” Maduro’s companion played with his moustache and threw the Gillette shaving kit into the garbage as real men don’t use Gillette.

“Anything Donald Trump can do, I can do better,” Maduro pounded his fists on the desk, “He thinks he can shut the U.S. government down for 35 days and not pay his government workers just to get a wall built? Well I can hold food and medical aid up at the Venezuelan border for far longer than that and starve my entire people into submission to me so that everyone in this entire country gives me the love and respect and honour and adoration I so richly deserve.”

“You da man,” the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (recently granted dispensational temporary leave from Tartarus by Hades) smiled as he continued to play with his moustache and ate a plate of perogies as he fondly recalled memories of the Soviet government enforced famine on Ukrainians back in 1932-33.

. . .

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a call from her boss on her mobile.

There would be an unexpected and univited visitor at the Set Enterprises laboratory tonight, Set said.

He told Miranda to give the man what he wanted.

. . .

Italian Intelligence secret agent Luigi Linguini was on a mission for the Italian government.

The current Italian government was in a cold war (which might turn hot at any moment) with French President Emmanuel Macron.

The Italian government wanted to bring Macron down and they had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had conducted an extensive DNA analysis of Macron’s DNA.

The Italian government needed to see that file.

Luigi was about to use his screwdriver to open the door to the room of the Rocher Secret Archives.

When suddenly the door opened on its own and there stood Miranda Singh:

“This way to the Macron File,” she smiled at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 12th
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

Next page »