Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares

June 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares


Miranda Singh is stopped on the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall by the Greek god Ares

As Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked up the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall, she was suddenly approached from behind by Ares the Greek god of war.

“Stop,” Ares had said to her, “Is it true that you have the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali in your possession?”.

As Ares moved in closer, Miranda kicked him down the stairs with one of her spiked stilettos where the Greek war deity hit his head on the sidewalk when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He was immediately sent to cuckoo-land.

The Olympian dreamed that he was in a clockmaker’s shop in Switzerland where the clock maker was making a clock where Donald Trump came out by the hour and said, “Cuck-hoo! Cuck-hoo!”.

Miranda Singh had been given the heads up by her employer Set that she might be approached by a Greek deity.

Apparently Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had received a vision that the deities of Mount Olympus were very interested in the upcoming Middle East security summit that would be held in Israel between the Israeli, U.S. and Russian national security advisors.

Miranda Singh would be covertly attending the summit by wearing the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 10th 
2019.

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Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

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Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel

June 7, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel


Miranda Singh posing for Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo

Miranda Singh the personal secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was currently in Israel.

Ostensibly to spy for her boss’ former employee British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs Commitee).

Coincidentally Renfield himself was in Israel on an official fact finding mission for the British government.

As opposed to the unofficial fact finding mission she was on.

She would eventually be using the goddess Kali’s invisibility bracelets to spy on a secret meeting between the U.S., Israeli and Russian national security advisors in Israel.

Her cover story was that she was in Israel on a photo shoot for the famous Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo.

She was currently in a Jerusalem swimming pool facility being photographed.

Accompanying her on this part of her mission was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

As Miranda was sitting on a pool side deck chair being photographed by Señor Domingo, Dracul noticed a black panther swimming in the pool towards her direction.

Inclined to think such a thing suspicious, Van Helsing fired the arrow on his crossbow at the panther as it leapt out of the pool towards Miranda.

The arrow struck the panther in one of its front legs.

The panther quickly shapeshifted into a woman- who could have passed as an identical twin sister of the great 1940s French actress Simone Simon.

She had an arrow sticking out of her arm.

“Merde!” She said, “I don’t think my travellers’ insurance covers medical care costs in Israel.”

She went running out of the swimming pool facility.

. . .

“That’s so gay,” Renfield remarked as he entered Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office and saw the Prime Minister bending over his desk with his pants down and his drawers open and being sodomized in the rear end by his newly appointed capital letter “G” (in the Alphabet Politburo of Western secular society) Justice Minister.

“Renfield!” Netanyahu’s face was ashen white, “Your appointment isn’t for another hour.”

“I knew I should have put a new battery in before I left London,” Renfield looked at his watch.

Netanyahu’s face was as red as a beet and he tried to explain, “This is my new Justice Minister whom I’ve named to avoid criminal prosecution on corruption charges.”

“I think I’d prefer criminal prosecution on corruption charges instead,” Renfield remarked as he hurriedly exited the office.

. . .

The year was 1960 and Jesuit priest Malachi Martin was watching actress Sophia Loren beating the boys at pool in a Rome billiards hall.

Father Martin who was heterosexual (unlike many of his compatriots in the Jesuit order) enjoyed watching Miss Loren play pool.

The priest looked at his watch.

He better get back to the Vatican where he served as personal Secretary to the powerful Jesuit cardinal Augustin Cardinal Bea.

Little did he realize when he got back to the office that he would be privileged to read the Third Secret of Fatima (a message delivered to three shepherd children by Mary the Mother of Jesus when she appeared at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917).

A message that both Pope John XXIII and Augustin Cardinal Bea had read.

A message that was supposed to be released to the world in 1960 but never was.

The Vatican claimed to have finally released the secret in June 2000 (11 months after Father Martin’s death) but it was only a vision associated with the message not the text of Mary’s words in the message itself.

Malachi Martin had taken an oath that day in 1960 never to reveal the Message.

Although he did strongly hint at its contents when he appeared on the Coast-To-Coast AM Radio Program with Art Bell back in the late 1990s.

And when asked by TV interviewer Merv Griffin back in the mid-1980s what was the most pressing issue of our time, Father Martin cryptically replied, “Russia and the role it plays in the future survival of the State of Israel.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday June 7th 
2019.

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Renfield Wasn’t Invited To The Jerusalem Security Summit

June 2, 2019 at 10:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing the world political situation with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“So Donald Trump says that Boris Johnson would make an excellent Prime Minister,” Amadeus said.

“Yes, I hope that jack ass’ favourable tweet doesn’t ruin Boris’ chances of winning the British Conservative Party leadership,” Renfield answered with a grim look on his face.

Renfield supported Johnson becoming Conservative Party leader because Boris was going to name Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering should the former win the leadership and become Prime Minister.

“So what’s on your agenda in the meantime?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield answered, “there’s going to be a regional security summit in Jerusalem this month between U.S. National Security advisor John Bolton and his Israeli counterpart Meir Ben-Shabbat and Nikolai Patrushev the secretary of the Russian Security Council. And the really shocking thing is I wasn’t invited.”

“The horror! The horror!” Amadeus spoke a Marlon Brando movie line as he ate a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

“I wholeheartedly concur,” Renfield nodded, “so I’ve talked to the Boss (the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) and we’re going to send a spy to that meeting.”

“Would that be the Boss’ invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger?” Amadeus asked.

“No, the Boss has another mission for Tallbanger this month,” Renfield replied, “so he’s going to send his secretary Miranda Singh to the meeting.”

“But won’t she be noticed?” Amadeus inquired.

“Dr. Cadbury Rocher managed to borrow the invisibility bracelets belonging to the goddess Kali,” Renfield answered, “so Miranda is going to put those on prior to the meeting.”

“How did Dr. Rocher manage to obtain Kali’s invisibility bracelets?” Amadeus pondered this.

“He ran into Kali at an Indian restaurant in London last month,” Renfield explained, “and asked if he could borrow her invisibility bracelets for the next 6 months”.

“What did Dr. Rocher offer Kali in return?” Amadeus was curious to know.

“Dr. Rocher gave her his own personal personal recipe for making gelato ice cream,” Renfield replied, “a recipe that’s deliciously divine.”

“I didn’t know Dr. Rocher made a divinely delicious gelato ice cream,” Amadeus was shocked, “He’s never offered me any.”

“That’s because he knows you’d eat every carton he’s made if you tasted it,” Renfield astutely noted.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday June 2nd 
2010.


Miranda Singh: will soon be trying on Kali’s invisibility bracelets in Jerusalem

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Riderless Horse Bodexpress: What Does This Bode For The World?

May 18, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were watching the Preakness Stakes live from the Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland.

They were surprised to see a horse named Bodexpress throw its rider the jockey John Velazquez off at the start of the running of the 144th Preakness Stakes and continue running the race of the race riderless.

Bodexpress came in 2nd from last in the race although technically he got a Did Not Finish even though he ran an extra loop around the track prior to being caught by outriders.

“How will this bode for the world when a riderless horse named Bodexpress crosses the finish line?” Amadeus wondered aloud, “It certainly gives one a sense of foreboding in what is to come.”

“It does indeed,” Renfield remarked as he fed his four goldfish he called the Four Goldfish of The Apocalypse.

Amadeus switched to another channel.

The channel showed Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders giving a campaign speech somewhere, “I think three-year-olds should be allowed to choose their own gender.”

“It sounds like there must be plenty of legalized Canadian cannabis crossing the border across Quebec into Vermont,” Renfield commented.

The phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

He put it back down.

“Who was that?” Amadeus helped himself to another nacho.

“That was Miranda Singh from Set Enterprises,” Renfield answered, “Apparently Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster watched that horse race and he typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws that the ghost of a pirate jumped on Bodexpress after his jockey fell off and rode that horse the rest of the race as well as the extra lap around.”

“The ghost of a pirate?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, the ghost of a pirate,” Renfield nodded.

“I wonder what this means for the world?” Amadeus dipped his nacho chip in salsa.

“It means the ghost of that pirate isn’t a very successful jockey,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 18th
2019.

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Putin, Maduro, Vampire Set and Miranda Singh

February 12, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading Russian language copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

“How stupid these people be,” Putin pushed the copies of both papers into the waste paper basket where they were removed by the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) for him to use as toilet paper.

“I’m almost inspired to manipulate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election,” Putin mused aloud, “to make up for the false accusations that I manipulated the results of the 2016 election. Because the New York Times and The Washington Post can’t bring themselves to admit that the past 50 years of the dumbed down liberal progressive education system (that they approved of and applauded) has resulted in a dumbed down electorate who would actually rather vote for someone like Trump rather than the Establishment’s anointed female messiah Hellcat from Hell. So they have to blame us- the Russians- rather than the Frankenstein monster of an electorate that their liberal progressive educational ideas have created.”

“It is rough, Comrade President,” the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had to admit as she smoothed her Red Army brown skirt.

“What really pisses me off is that if we wanted someone as a Manchurian candidate puppet to be President and our elite team of hackers could put that individual into office, what makes them think we’d choose Trump?” Putin gazed out the Kremlin window, “Total nutcases are so unpredictable and don’t make very good puppets. And these jerks in the liberal U.S. media don’t think Russian Intelligence is good enough to spot a nutcase when we see one? We have a lot more intelligence in spotting one than do the American electorate.”

“America’s biggest mistake in the long run will be to underestimate Russian intelligence,” Svetlana crossed her legs and crushed a miniature American flag under her spiked stiletto.

. . .

“Who does this Donald Trump think he is anyways?” Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro raged to his companion, “Telling me that I’m not the legitimate President of Venezuela.”

“This Trump has a massive ego,” Maduro’s companion played with his moustache and threw the Gillette shaving kit into the garbage as real men don’t use Gillette.

“Anything Donald Trump can do, I can do better,” Maduro pounded his fists on the desk, “He thinks he can shut the U.S. government down for 35 days and not pay his government workers just to get a wall built? Well I can hold food and medical aid up at the Venezuelan border for far longer than that and starve my entire people into submission to me so that everyone in this entire country gives me the love and respect and honour and adoration I so richly deserve.”

“You da man,” the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (recently granted dispensational temporary leave from Tartarus by Hades) smiled as he continued to play with his moustache and ate a plate of perogies as he fondly recalled memories of the Soviet government enforced famine on Ukrainians back in 1932-33.

. . .

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a call from her boss on her mobile.

There would be an unexpected and univited visitor at the Set Enterprises laboratory tonight, Set said.

He told Miranda to give the man what he wanted.

. . .

Italian Intelligence secret agent Luigi Linguini was on a mission for the Italian government.

The current Italian government was in a cold war (which might turn hot at any moment) with French President Emmanuel Macron.

The Italian government wanted to bring Macron down and they had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had conducted an extensive DNA analysis of Macron’s DNA.

The Italian government needed to see that file.

Luigi was about to use his screwdriver to open the door to the room of the Rocher Secret Archives.

When suddenly the door opened on its own and there stood Miranda Singh:

“This way to the Macron File,” she smiled at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 12th
2019.

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Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set

November 20, 2014 at 7:48 pm (Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Television) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had been laid up in his sarcophagus for the past month with a very severe case of irregularity.

It was a result of eating an entire horse in a fancy London restaurant almost a month ago.

On the table beside his sarcophagus were several Get Well cards sent to him by various people.

A Get Well card from Watson Holmes the man who was the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises (the Egyptian vampire’s research and development firm).

A Get Well Card and a bouquet of flowers from Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.

An I Heard You Were Sick card sent to him by a disgruntled former employee Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Rocher had sent along a wooden stake as well along with the note Insert Directly Into Heart.

He also received a Get Well card from a London private eye- a Mr. Randall Hopkins.

Set wondered if it was the same man who stood outside the windows of his room every night after sundown and took photos of him with his iPhone when Set’s sarcophagus was open.

The man left just before sunrise (at the same time Set was closing his sarcophagus lid).

Set also received a Get Well card as well as a basket of fruit from his own personal concert pianist Mr. Amadeus Emanon.

From Michelangelo his company’s genetically created psychic lobster, he received a gift certificate for a seafood restaurant- good for all items on the menu with the exception of all lobster entrees.

From Renfield R. Renfield his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering, he received… an autographed photo… of Renfield R. Renfield (the same gift Renfield gave to everybody on birthdays, anniversaries and at Christmas).

For his ailment, Set tried every laxative and enema method under the sun.

No laxative seemed to work.

No enema…

… seemed to work…

… until…

… Kim Kardashian visited him this evening…

… with a bottle of champagne…

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 17th
2014.

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The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris

October 31, 2014 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was at Interpol’s International Headquarters in Lyon, France.

He was viewing some videos on his office computer.

For a while now, Whitstable suspected that the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was up to something in her secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.

His suspicions heightened when he videotaped the Vampiress Isis pushing Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral on the 1st of this month.

Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius landed on top of a Paris street corner poetry reciter who was reciting John Donne’s poem on For Whom The Bell Tolls at the time killing the poetic thespian in the process.

As Peter Whitstable was busy videotaping the whole thing and uploading it to his YouTube account, a young French woman standing next to him was busy calling 112 (the French emergencyonumber equivalent of the North American 911 emergency number) on her cell phone.

Whitstable saw the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec fly by as he was videotaping (quite literally fly by for the sexy evening dress wearing Vampiress suddenly turned from a beautiful woman into a midnight black vampire bat).

Then last Friday evening the 24th of October as he sat in a Parisienne cafe enjoying some fresh oysters and sipping champagne, he videotaped the Vampiress Isis having filet mignon and red Bordeaux wine with Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Research Scientist for Set Enterprises in London.

He gathered while eavesdropping on their conversation that Dr. Cadbury Rocher no longer worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

Apparently a dinner of steak and lobster, steak tartare and la viande de cheval at the St. James’ Court Hotel main dining room in London had gone horribly wrong the evening of Wednesday October 22nd 2014.

The result was Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up at the table, quit his job and left (sticking the Vampire Set with the cheque).

As he exited, Dr. Rocher said he saw Dr. Henry Kissinger sitting at a table and overheard him tell former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on his cell phone that she should really buy herself a nuclear radioactive protection suit and start learning Russian.

“We will deal with the Russians when the appropriate time comes,” Isis ground her Black Sea oyster into fine dust with her bright gold painted fingernails.

Dr. Rocher had accepted Isis’ dinner table offer to come work for her.

On condition that she provide him with the necessary funding for his latest pet project Pegasus- an effort to genetically create the winged horse of Classical Greek mythology.

Isis agreed but first Dr. Rocher must for her re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of her brother, husband and lover Osiris and put them back together again.

Osiris had been vapourized into non-existence by a laser death ray fired at his returning spaceship by a Russian submarine when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012.

Hence Isis’ intense hatred of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.

. . .

Cardinal JM was gazing at a mysterious envelope placed on his desk in his Vatican office.

He did not recognize the handwriting on the envelope.

And he had no idea who put it there.

For his own personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe had gone down to Rome’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic for some reason.

Cardinal JM used his 3-headed dog Cerberus letter opener to open the envelope.

He reached inside.

What he read shocked him.

For it purported to be the text of The Third Secret of Fatima.

Although Cardinal JM did not personally believe in the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary said to have appeared to three shepherd children near the village of Fatima, Portugal on 6 different occasions from May 13th to October 13th 1917 (although he never publicly expressed those views aloud during the pontificates of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI), what he read still intrigued him immensely.

Ever since Italian journalist Antonio Socci published his book The Fourth Secret of Fatima back in 2006, people had always wondered about Socci’s claim that it was only the “vision” associated with the Third Secret that the Vatican had released to the public back on June 26th 2000.

In the previous Two Secrets of Fatima, there were visions that the 3 children at Fatima were alleged to have seen and then there were accompanying texts- words alleged to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 children explaining what the visions meant.

But in the Third Secret that the Vatican released back in 2000, there was only a “vision”- a vision of a Bishop dressed in white climbing up a steep mountain at the top of which was a big Cross of rough-hewn trunks- while climbing the mountain, the Bishop in White passed through a big city half in ruins and when he reached the top of the mountain- as he was on his knees at the foot of the Cross- he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him.

But there was no text released- or words by the Virgin Mary explaining to the 3 children at Fatima what the vision meant.

Now here in front of him were supposedly the words (accompanying the vision) that were spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima.

Hm.

Very interesting.

As a worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods (in secret of course!), Cardinal JM longed to see such chaos in the Church and the world that the worship of the ancient gods would be restored to bring back stability.

Let’s say he were to fax a copy of the contents of this envelope to say… Russian President Vladimir Putin… would that not bring about the chaos in the Church and the world that he longed to see?

Cardinal JM went over to his old photocopier and copied the document that was inside the sealed envelope.

Then he went over to his fax machine and faxed the copy to Vladimir Putin’s office in the Kremlin.

He then stood at his office window overlooking Saint Peter’s Square.

He noticed a figure in the street below his window wearing a black Venetian masquerade mask, a black cape, a black hat and holding a black walking stick.

The figure looked up at Cardinal JM and spoke in a whisper.

But the words of the whisper seemed to echo through Saint Peter’s Square.

“Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged!”.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield went to see his friend Amadeus Emanon in the hospital on this Halloween night.

For Amadeus was still in hospital recovering from shrapnel wounds he received when Renfield led a commando rescue mission on a Cornwall farmhouse to, as the British media put it, “Free his friend from the ISIS terrorists who were holding him hostage here in this sceptered isle.”

Renfield figured his friend would probably be feeling depressed because normally Amadeus liked going out trick or treating on Halloween night.

Renfield brought along a bag of chocolate bar and candy treats that Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises had sent along as a gift for Amadeus.

He also brought along a pumpkin pie that had been baked for Amadeus by Miss Miranda Singh the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.

As his own gift Renfield brought along a couple of videos- the 1982 film Halloween III: Season of the Witch and the 1993 film The Nightmare Before Christmas for them to watch together as they ate the Halloween treats and the pumpkin pie.

Renfield also brought along a poster that said Halloween At The Hindenburg (The Hindenburg was a nightclub on Canada’s West Coast) and hung it on the wall in Amadeus’ room.

“Ever since a friend of mine sent me this poster a few weeks ago, I thought it would be cool to dress a dirigible up as the Hindenburg on Halloween and re-enact that May 1937 airship disaster,” Renfield beamed as he looked at the poster.

He then put on the video Halloween III: Season of the Witch for them to watch.

Outside Amadeus’ hospital window, a witch flew by on a broomstick.

. . .

Inside the secret laboratory of the Vampiress Isis below Notre Dame Cathedral, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was putting the finishing touches on all the equipment.

Rocher had discovered that the problem Isis and the late Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had in trying to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of Osiris was that they were not working with an original ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

They were working with a 3-D printer copy of an original.

And Dr. Rocher knew this because he recognized the gun as one he had made with a 3-D printer he had invented.

As brilliant as Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, even he hadn’t reached the level of intellectual sophistication of the ET grays he had to admit.

But Rocher knew how to get the original.

He knew where Renfield R. Renfield kept it on the Set Enterprises premises.

Isis passed this information along to her London private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins who broke into Set Enterprises and stole the original ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Now with the original in his possession, Rocher fired the laser death ray at the spot in the lab which held the sub-atomic particles of Osiris and then through the use of electromagnets, he reversed the flow of the ray.

Sure enough the sub-atomic particles of Osiris re-assembled themselves and came together again.

Isis shrieked with ecstasy.

Then she looked on in horror.

The sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl also started to re-assemble themselves (Quetzalcoatl was the spiritual godfather of her female vampiric arch-enemy and rival the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec).

Isis had forgotten that Quetzalcoatl’s returning spaceship had also been destroyed by the Russian submarine’s laser death ray.

And of course Quetzalcoatl’s sub-atomic particles would also have been collected along with Osiris’ when Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was using his small scale working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider to collect sub-atomic particles along the beach at Vancouver’s English Beach after the laser attack on the returning spaceships.

Osiris looked down at his re-assembled body and then screamed.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked down at the mathematical equation of the re-assembly process he had scribbled on a notepad and suddenly, noticing a slight miscalculation, said in a very very low voice, “Oops.”

“Of all the cosmic bad luck,” the ancient Egyptian vampire cried out in anguish, “it’s once again my phallus that’s missing whenever I’m put back together again.”

Isis screamed as well.

Her valet Cedarman who was on his cell phone immediately cancelled the order of Viagra he had placed on his mistress’ orders to celebrate this happy occasion.

Quetzalcoatl roared and breathed fire.

He then flapped his wings and flew out the air vent of the secret underground laboratory.

He made the air vent a lot larger by doing so due to his enormous size.

As he flew out over the City of Paris, he passed by a dirigible made up to look like the 1930s German airship The Hindenburg.

The Halloween Hindenburg burst into flames near the top of the Eiffel Tower.

To be continued.

-A Halloween vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Thursday October 30th
to
Friday October 31st
2014.

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Vampiress Isis Meets Dr. Cadbury Rocher In Paris

October 29, 2014 at 6:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, Movies, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Isis Meets Dr. Cadbury Rocher In Paris

The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis felt like a school girl for some reason as she sat in a white dress in a Parisienne cafe on this Friday evening in mid-October.

And it had been well over 3000 years since she had last been a school girl.

She was about to meet Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was probably the greatest scientific mind of the early 21st Century.

Although few people had heard of him or known about his ability.

For Dr. Cadbury Rocher worked as a research scientist for her brother, brother-in-law, rival and arch-enemy the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

No one knew how much money Set paid him for Set kept it a secret.

That way no government or private individual or corporation knew how much money to offer him to snatch his services away from Set.

Plus Dr. Cadbury Rocher was also bound to Set in some sort of strange Egyptian Black Magic blood oath ceremony involving the burning of 9 tana leaves, the drinking of 100 tea leaves and the smoking of 666 marijuana leaves.

Still that wasn’t as bad as a bunch of wealthy country club Republicans running around in the nude and burning an effigy of an infant to a giant 40 foot owl in a bizarre form of Moloch and Ishtar worship like what happens at the Bohemian Grove every summer near San Francisco.

Whenever Isis went through one of her dieting crazes, she always watched the unedited version of the Alex Jones filming of the Bohemian Grove ceremony which immediately killed her appetite.

She also could never bring herself to shake Henry Kissinger’s hand ever again whenever she met him after seeing the unedited version of that video.

A Parisienne lady of the evening had also given up one of her most frequent fellatio receiving clients after viewing the unedited video in Isis’ Paris penthouse apartment.

However despite Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s blood oath to Set, something had happened this past week that changed the nature of the relationship between Dr. Rocher and Set.

Isis found out about it in a phone call when a constantly yawning Randall Hopkins had phoned her in a very irritating phone call last Friday evening.

( For the reason why Randall Hopkins Private Eye was yawning please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/randall-hopkins-private-eye/ )

So Randall Hopkins had found out that Set Enterprises (the scientific research and development firm owned by Set) needed to cut $2 billion in expenditures from its operating budget according to an audit conducted by professional chartered accountant Ian Mandell Boring who went by his initials I. M. Boring.

Then two days ago on Wednesday morning Isis received a phone call from her London hired private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins saying that he had just received a phone call from his Deep Throat source within Set Enterprises Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary to Set Enterprises’ Executive Vice-President Watson Holmes.

Apparently Watson Holmes and the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set would be having a dinner meeting with
Dr. Cadbury Rocher that night in the main dining room of London’s St. James’ Court Hotel hoping that a good meal of steak and lobster would help ease the pain as they gently broke the news to Dr. Rocher that the $2 billion in cuts would be coming out of the good doctor’s laboratory research budget.

Miranda told the private eye that Dr. Rocher had consulted Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (a lobster with amazing psychic abilities that Dr. Rocher had genetically created in the lab) at the morning coffee break on the Set Enterprises’ premises and asked him what would happen at the St. James’ Court Hotel steak and lobster dinner meeting with Set and Watson Holmes.

Michelangelo used his lobster antennae hooked up with wires to Dr. Rocher’s computer to communicate telepathically to the computer screen the cryptic remark that he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Randall Hopkins Private Eye maxed out his credit card by booking a last-minute reservation to the St. James’ Court Hotel main dining room and more specifically to a table right next to where Set, Watson Holmes and Dr. Cadbury Rocher would be sitting.

Fearing that Set and Watson Holmes might recognize him as the man who had sat next to their table at the Savoy Hotel main dining room last Friday night, Randall Hopkins wore a Halloween style pair of dark glasses and Groucho Marx mustache so as not to draw attention by making a spectacle of himself.

At the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins sat former U. S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger who was on his cell phone talking to elderly Hollywood actress and former sex symbol Mamie Van Doren.

Dr. Kissinger cooed and purred in his thick German accent over the phone, “Oooh, baby… I really loved you in that movie High School Confidential” as his glasses fogged up over the phone.

Mamie Van Doren.

That name sounded familiar to Randall Hopkins for some reason.

He had seen an old movie trailer for a Mamie Van Doren film on YouTube.

The announcer’s voice for the movie trailer said, “Mamie Van Doren in 3-D. She’ll knock both your eyes out” as the camera focused in on two huge protruding points near the top of Mamie Van Doren’s tight fitting sweater.

Meanwhile at the table on the other side of Randall Hopkins, Set and Watson Holmes had just informed Dr. Cadbury Rocher the unhappy news that $2 billion would be axed from his laboratory research budget.

“$2 billion?!” The lobster tail that Dr. Rocher spit out of his mouth upon hearing this news landed in Dr. Kissinger’s Baked Alaska as the former U.S. Secretary of State received an incoming phone call from Vladimir Putin threatening a nuclear missile attack on America.

“It could have been worse,” Watson Holmes sent back his over cooked steak tartare, “it could have been £2 billion that I. M. Boring suggested needed to be cut. Lucky for you that Mr. Boring got his accounting degree at an American rather than a British business school.”

“Still $2 billion,” Dr. Rocher wept into his lime sorbet, “this will mean the death of the Pegasus project.”

“I’m afraid so,” said Set who was so hungry that he was eating a horse although the menu listed it as la viande de cheval.

“But after all the things I’ve created and developed for you over the years that made you billions and billions,” Dr. Rocher did his best impersonation of astronomer Carl Sagan, “and this is the thanks I get.”

“Well it’s like the whip-wielding dominatrix said,” Set replied while remembering an experience he had in a nightclub of the Berlin of the 1920s, “it’s the bottom line that counts.”

“But it’s been my lifelong dream,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher licked the whipped cream off the gingerbread cookie gingerbread woman figure of Penelope Cruz, “to genetically create a winged horse like Pegasus of classical myth.”

“Well,” Set sighed as he ate the horse’s tail, “sometimes our dreams don’t always come true.”

He recalled his dream of banging his sister Isis on a hot steamy and sultry Egyptian night millenia ago- a dream that never came true.

(Psychiatrists and reality TV shows would have had a field day if they had been around in the days of ancient Egyptian royalty!)

“That does it,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up to leave, “I quit. I resign my position at Set Enterprises. Blood oath or no blood oath. You can take your blood oath and shove it up your ass.”

Considering the immense constipation problem Set would have that night as a result of eating a whole horse, that might have made for an excellent enema.

. . .

And now the Vampiress Isis was hoping to convince Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come work for her.

And put her brother, husband and lover Osiris’ sub-atomic particles back together again.

At that moment a cock crew on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday October 24th
to
Wednesday October 29th
2014.

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Randall Hopkins Private Eye

October 20, 2014 at 4:03 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Randall Hopkins Private Eye

Randall Hopkins was a Private Eye.

He had been hired by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to spy on the activities of Set Enterprises- the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was Isis’ main rival and arch-enemy.

But after trying to spy on Set Enterprises for the past 2 years, he had nothing to show for it.

Now Isis was threatening to cut him off- financially (in terms of his fees) as well as a certain part of his anatomy.

Randall Hopkins broke out in a sweat when he received this threat from Isis over the phone.

He had no desire to sing soprano in the Saint Paul’s Cathedral Choir.

Then miraculously last weekend he happened to run into Miranda Singh who was a secretary to the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises Mr. Watson Holmes.

He ran into Miranda Singh in a cocktail bar in central London.

He remembered she had been wearing a very attractive purple dress.

They had struck up a conversation and then the next thing Randall Hopkins could remember after taking a sip of his Newcastle Brown Ale was waking up naked in her apartment.

There lying on top of her bed in a pink silk nightgown was the lovely Miranda Singh.

“So,” she batted her eyelashes at him, “was it as good for you as it was for me?”.

Randall Hopkins could not remember a single thing that happened so all he said was “Um, yes.”

Miranda said she’d call him if anything came up in relation to Set Enterprises.

Yesterday morning he got a phone call from Miranda saying the owner and CEO of the company Set as well as Watson Holmes would be meeting with a chartered accountant in the main dining room of London’s Savoy Hotel at 6 PM tonight.

So he Randall Hopkins had rented a tuxedo suit and bow tie and after spending the night before reading Mrs. Beeton’s Guide To Etiquette and Good Manners was now sitting at a table trying to remember what fork he should use to eat his starter salad.

He sat next to the table reserved for Set, Watson Holmes and the chartered accountant.

The three came in.

Set was a very sinister looking figure- what one would expect from a 3000-year old vampire.

Watson Holmes looked like the sort of person that might have been produced if actors Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce had been gay and had a relationship and had been capable of producing a child together.

The chartered accountant looked like a typical chartered accountant- pinstriped trousers, dark suit, white shirt and dark framed glasses.

The accountant whose name was Ian Mandell Boring but went by his initials professionally I.M. Boring dove into his briefcase and brought out a document and read in a monotone voice all the financial earnings of Set Enterprises this past year.

When he had finished, he nudged both Set and Watson Holmes to wake them up.

Meanwhile Randall Hopkins was now on his 21st cup of coffee to keep him awake after listening to I.M. Boring’s riveting reading of the Set Enterprises financial statements.

“So,” Set asked after he had ordered a quadruple cappuccino from the waiter, “what does this mean?”.

“It means,” I.M. Boring replied in monotone, “that you’re going to have to cut $2 billion somewhere in Set Enterprises’ expenditures.”

“I see,” Set downed the quadruple cappuccino in one gulp.

Hm. Set Enterprises needed to cut $2 billion somewhere, Randall Hopkins thought to himself.

He better find a phone booth to telephone the Egyptian Vampiress Isis the news.

For his own smart phone battery had died of boredom after listening to the chartered accountant’s spiel.

-To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 17th
2014.

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