Amadeus Emanon On The Day of The Queen’s Funeral
Grandchildren of Her Majesty standing vigil for The Queen this past Saturday night
Professional concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and his two friends Angelique Dumont and Dulcinea Lucia had spent the day standing along the streets of central London watching the Queen’s funeral procession from Westminster Hall to Westminster Abbey and then her burial procession from Westminster Abbey to Windsor Castle.
When the processions were over, the trio retreated to a pub The George and Dragon to discuss the day’s events.
“Where was your friend the MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Dulcinea Lucia asked Amadeus, “I thought he would have joined us at both processions.”
“He was present in person at both the funeral and burial services for Her Majesty,” Amadeus answered.
“What?” Dulcinea was incredulous, “How does the leader of a party that has only two seats in the Westminster House of Commons end up getting invited to both those services?”.
“He once saved one of the Queen’s Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool,” Amadeus replied.
“That would do it all right,” Dulcinea had to admit.
“One final toast,” Amadeus raised his glass of ale, “To Her late Majesty The Queen.”
“To Her late Majesty The Queen,” Angelique Dumont and Dulcinea Lucia likewise raised their glasses of ale.
Outside the pub, a lone kilted bagpiper walked by playing a Scottish Regiment’s Final Farewell Post.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 19th
2022.
Amadeus and Angelique In The Sherlock Holmes Pub
Concert pianist/singer/musician Amadeus Emanon was having dinner with his girlfriend New Orleans singer/songstress Angelique Dumont in The Sherlock Holmes Pub.
They watched a Renfield R. Renfield podcast which was often shown in the pub when it was on.
“A pathology report prepared by Sucharit Bhakdi MD and Arne Burkhardt MD in the U.S. shows that 93% of people who died after being vaccinated were killed by the vaccine,” Renfield started out.
“Hah,” a “fact checker” for Reuters news agency started laughing, “I just got my third booster shot today.”
He then keeled over.
A paramedic team brought in to save him couldn’t revive him after his major cardiac arrest.
He would never write another lying and inaccurate “fact check” again.
“And in other news,” Renfield carried on, “The Canadian province of Alberta’s Chief Medical Officer Dr. Deena Hinshaw admitted that Alberta Health Services have manipulated the numbers during this pandemic. Hinshaw admitted that AHS reported non-ICU patients as ICU patients throughout the pandemic.”
Putting aside the triple AAA Alberta steak he had been eating, Renfield then started eating poutine.
“Moving from Alberta eastwards to Quebec,” Renfield went on, “Quebec Premier Francois Legault announced that he would impose a health care tax on the unvaccinated.”
Renfield then called for the assassination of Quebec’s Premier.
“If Renfield gets his way, there won’t be many politicians left on the Earth,” Angelique Dumont remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 11th
2021.
Some Renfieldian Mischief On A November Day
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was flying over America in one of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airships named The Robert E. Lee.
The name of the ship was lit up in neon so as to positively offend all “woke” and cancel culture individuals on the ground below.
Renfield was performing acts of mischief.
He had hacked into a computerized video presentation being held at a military academy for army cadets.
The academy would apparently be visited by senile old fool Joe Biden next week and the instruction video was showing the cadets how to perform a 21-gun salute.
The video was showing actual footage of another military academy giving a 21-gun salute to Biden.
Renfield had hacked into the video’s audio making the narrator sound like the narrator of one of those old 1950s public service style films that were shown to school kids during Film period in schools.
Renfield had also written his own script for the 1950s style Film narrator to deliver.
As the video started with Biden approaching the assembly of military cadets on the martial drill grounds, the 1950s narrator began his narration of the instructional video being shown to this cadre of cadets,
“Joe Biden is America’s Pooper-In-Chief. As Carly Simon might put it in a theme song for a James Bond movie, “Nobody does it better…”
Yes, whether it’s extending geetings to the Pope or letting America’s middle class and workers know what he actually thinks of them, Joe is the sort of man who’s willing to show the world exactly what he’s full of.”
As Joe Biden in the video went and stood on the dais with which he would view the honour guard as the 21-gun salute sounded, Renfield’s 1950s style film narrator continued, “And it is from this vantage point that Joe Biden will drop a 21-load salute in his pants…”
The video finally came to a screeching halt as the Drill Sargeant screamed “Off!” and cadets were rolling around on the floor in huge gales of laughter.
Renfield then had the dirigible flown over Saint John, New Brunswick where he did a podcast broadcasting to residents below.
“Saint John New Brunswick is the home of 52-year-old Canadian cardiologist Dr. Sohrab Lutchmedial who spent most of 2021 insulting the unvaccinated,” Renfield explained, “Lutchmedial told the unvaccinated only weeks ago, “I won’t cry at your funeral” and now he himself has kicked the bucket two weeks after his 3rd mRNA injection shot.”
Then Renfield added, “Might I suggest giving this fool the posthumous raspberry he so richly deserves by bringing New Year’s Eve party horns and bells and a bunch of Whoopie! cushions to his funeral.”
As Renfield flew back across the Atlantic, already the British Foreign Office was receiving numerous complaints from both Washington DC and Ottawa over the MP’s North American visit.
Angelique Dumont said to her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon (who was Renfield’s best friend), “I can’t believe there’s anybody in the world like Renfield.”
To which Amadeus responded, “In these times in which we live, if Renfield didn’t exist, it would be necessary to invent him.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 11th
2021.
A poster for James Cameron’s 1997 film Titanic outside a London repertory film theatre which had been retouched by Renfield.
Renfield’s Inspirational Anti-Covid Communist Sunday Night Podcast
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another one of his Sunday night video podcasts.
“One of my avid viewers and listeners emailed me the following nauseating commercial that appeared on American television tonight. And so for your regurgitating your mother-in-law’s cooking pleasure, here is that commercial,” Renfield pushed a button.
A guy looking like an operating room doctor wearing a mask and with a stethoscope around his neck brings a small light right into the camera to give the impression that he’s looking right down a patient’s throat.
The “doctor” speaking in solemn menacing tones as if he was appearing in a Nazi propaganda film of 1930s Germany or a Stalinist propaganda film of the late 1940s and early 1950s USSR as he holds the light and proceeds to shove it down the patient’s throat, “Do you want this to be the last thing you ever see in your life? If you’ve got Covid-19, this will be the last thing you ever see in your life. If you don’t want this to be the last thing you ever see in your life, then…. (in bitchy Neo-Bolshevik Big Brother tones)… WEAR A MASK!”.
“Well, at least now we know what is causing the deaths of that 1% to 2% of the populaion that is actually dying from Covid-19 (according to the Atlanta Georgia based U.S. Center For Disease Control’s own statistics),” Renfield sipped from a bottle of whisky, “It’s some idiot doctor shoving a light down your throat.”
Renfield opens another bottle of whisky, takes a sip and continues, “What sort of Communist asshole would appear in such a totalitarian propagandistic TV ad as this one? Well I guess the Communist asshole who did appear in this one. Lucky for him, he’s wearing a mask. Otherwise if I got my hands on him, this would be the last thing he sees before he dies.”
Renfield pulls out a gun, closely brings it forward to the camera and then pulls the trigger.
The screen blacks out.
“Oops,” Renfield’s voice can still be heard in the background, “I forgot to take the bullets out.”
Sound of a smart phone being dialed.
Renfield’s voice, “Hello Cousin Harry’s Emergency Delivery 24 Hour Service? I was wondering if you could deliver a computer web cam to the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London mansion right away?…”.
In Australia, concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Miss Angelique Dumont had been watching the podcast on Uncle Ernie’s large screen TV.
“Well, I guess Renfield is obviously teaching American patriots how to shoot Communists in the upcoming 2nd U.S. Civil War when it breaks out,” Amadeus remarked to Angelique, “Although for this episode he better put in the disclaimer that you use a loaded gun against Communists and not your web cam.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 29th
2020.
Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear
Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear
Amadeus Emanon had been invited to sing an original song for the Christmas concert at Saint Genevieve’s Church which he attended.
“Do you know what he’s going to sing?” Angelique Dumont asked Amadeus’ friend Renfield R. Renfield as they sat in the pews.
“No, I don’t,” Renfield replied.
Amadeus began his introduction to the song, “When I’ve been out walking in my neighbourhood in the evening for the past couple of weeks to look at the Christmas lights, one of the houses I’ve noticed has a sparkling Frosty the Snowman lit up with some sparkling snow flakes. Next to Frosty is a teddy bear that’s carrying a large nicely wrapped Christmas present. It too is lit up. So I’ve written a song about Frosty Snowman and Teddy Bear.”
Amadeus began his song,
“Frosty Snowman, Frosty Snowman,
he is cooler than a ceiling fan,
he’s made of snow
from head to toeÂ
and his carrot noseÂ
has that certain glow.
With buttons for eyes
that hypnotizeÂ
his charcoal mouth has never tasted friesÂ
He wears a scarf and several school tiesÂ
He smokes a pipe under moonlit skies.
As for Teddy, he’s always readyÂ
to help you bear the unbearableÂ
And though you think his Christmas sweater is unwearableÂ
He wears it just the same
His excuse may be lame
And his pic won’t adorn a frameÂ
But being unique is his game.
He holds a gift nicely wrapped
He looks so fresh having recently nappedÂ
He waves hello
With places to go
He’ll wave good-bye
But please don’t cryÂ
He will be backÂ
carrying Santa’s sack.
Frosty Snowman, Teddy Bear
As you see, they’ve got real flairÂ
Come Christmas Eve, you’ll see they care
And please hang your stockings by the chimney somewhere
And please don’t mock Santa’s extra large suit he’ll wear
For he ate too much Mrs. Claus’ cookies on a dare.
-A song, poem and vampire novel chapterÂ
written by Christopher
Sunday December 15th
2019.
Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau
Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a lounge in a London hotel and discussing the day’s NATO Summit events with his friends Mei-ling Manchu, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
“So I see Donald Trump, while he was in a press conference meeting with Angela Merkel this morning,” Amadeus bit into his nut spread and sauerkraut sandwich, “said that Justin Trudeau was “two-faced”. What do you think of that description of the Canadian Prime Minister?”.
“Well, I suppose, since Justin Trudeau occasionally wears blackface,” Renfield answered, “Being “two-faced” might be an accurate description.”
“Doesn’t he also wear brown face and a turban when he’s pretending to be Aladdin’s genie?” Angelique Dumont inquired.
“And a green face when he’s pretending to be a Martian to impress giggling teen-aged pot smoking desert cactus girls?” Mei-ling Manchu added.
“I think Trump was angry because Justin Trudeau made fun of him in what the Canadian Prime Minister thought was a private conversation between himself, Boris Johnson, Emmanuel Macron and the Dutch Prime Minister at last night’s NATO banquet reception hosted by Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, wasn’t he?” Amadeus downed his Earl Grey tea.
“Could be,” Renfield nodded, “although Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger reports that a man wearing blackface and a turban was seen walking on the terrace outside Melania Trump’s bedroom last night. And Harvey said Melania this morning left her room smiling like the Mona Lisa.”
“Like a moth to a flame eh?” Mei-ling quipped in reference to the U.S. First Lady’s fashion faux-pas at the Buckingham Palace reception last night.
“Speaking of flames, is the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever going to be returned to Justin Trudeau?” Amadeus asked.
“Apparently not,” Renfield shook his head, “Set Enterprises is still worried about the threat posed to Strawberry Fields Forever’s life by Xi Jinping’s death edict written in medieval Imperial Mandaran – a scroll that Sydney Australia based billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was able to translate. And security on the Trudeau estate in Ottawa is pretty lax seeing as how it’s overseen by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the pot-smoking sheriff of the mystical hippy commune village of Calypso’s Bosom. Therefore Set Enterprises is moving Strawberry Fields Forever to the safety of a jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. They don’t think that PRC Ministry of State Security operatives will want to freeze their asses off on an assassination mission in Spitsbergen.”
“From what I know of PRC Ministry of State Security operatives, that assessment is probably correct,” Mei-ling Manchu nodded.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 4th
2019.
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.
The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.
Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.
Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”
Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.
“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.
“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.
“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.
“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”
. . .
Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.
“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”
“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.
“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.
“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.
“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”
“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.
“He does,” Set admitted.
“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.
. . .
In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.
Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.
A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.
As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.
When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.
This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.
When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.
“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.
“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.
“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rdÂ
2019.
Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange
Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the roof of Angelique Dumont’s apartment building.
“So,” Miss Dumont opened up the lunch basket, “I hear former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi collapsed and died in an Egyptian courtroom yesterday after giving a five minute statement to the court.”
“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher has been trying to get Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his visionary powers to determine what happened that caused Morsi’s death but the visions keep being blocked by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus.”
“Isn’t that the god whose eyeball appears as the capstone above the pyramid in the Novus Ordo Seclorum spot on the American dollar bill?” Amadeus asked as he ate a pickle and an olive and a devilled egg.
“It is,” Renfield nodded, “the same god who buried your employer Set alive in a tomb millennia ago.”
“But didn’t Set cut up Horus’ father Osiris into 14 pieces on one occasion?” Amadeus went for the cole slaw and chop suey.
“He did,” Renfield admitted, “Those old Egyptian family feuds make today’s soap operas look like child’s play by comparison.”
“It doesn’t sound like Morsi was treated very well in prison by the Egyptian government,” Angelique Dumont ate a fried scorpion.
“He wasn’t,” Renfield put some caviar on a cracker, “I didn’t like Morsi myself. After all anyone who gets the admiration of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, there’s obviously something seriously wrong with that person. But still to keep someone in isolation and solitary confinement 23 hours a day and to deny them access to their doctors and lawyers and friends and family is clearly a human rights violation.”
“Isn’t that what the British government is currently doing to Julian Assange?” Angelique Dumont asked a pointed question.
“It is,” Renfield had to admit.
“Well, you’re a member of the House of Commons,” Angelique ate a roast pork sandwich, “why don’t you do something about it?”.
“I’ve tried,” Renfield answered, “but I find myself up against those same dark forces in the British deep state apparatus that Her Majesty the Queen warned the late Princess Diana’s butler and valet about.”
“Well, you can shapeshift into a hamster, can’t you?” Amadeus was now enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “couldn’t you shapeshift into a hamster and enter Assange’s prison cell and find out what’s happening?”.
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given Renfield the genetic ability to shapeshift into a hamster back in the early 2000s.
“I’ve tried doing that,” Renfield replied, “but there’s some dark magic forces at work within the vicinity of Assange’s prison. I’m unable to enter it in shapeshifted hamster form. And I don’t have the high level security clearance to do it in human form.”
“What dark magic forces are at work around Assange’s prison?” Amadeus queried.
“Michelangelo has indicated through typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof iPad that it was a powerful spell cast by the powerful demons Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield started munching on a tuna fish sandwich.
“Why do the demons Baal and Baphomet have it in for Julian Assange?” Amadeus opened a tin of sardines.
“I can answer that, Amadeus,” Angelique smiled, “Baal and Baphomet backed Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. And Assange released Hillary’s emails on Wikileaks in 2016 helping to damage her campaign.”
“What demons backed Donald Trump for President?” Amadeus ate a banana.
“That would be Mammon and Mephistopheles,” Angelique answered.
“So Mammon and Mephistopheles won?” Amadeus noticed no more food left in the picnic basket.
“With a little help of collusion from a genie in a Russian vodka bottle according to the snivelling of Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon.
The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Protective Sunblock For Vampiresses enjoying the sunshine on her London apartment building rooftop.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2019.
Theresa May Announces Her Resignation On Queen Victoria’s 200th Birthday
The date was May 24th 2019.
It was Queen Victoria’s 200th birthday.
And British Prime Minister Theresa May stood in front of 10 Downing Street in London and announced that she would be resigning as British Conservative Party leader effective June 7th 2019.
From then on, she would carry on as a caretaker Prime Minister until the British Conservative Party elected a new leader in July.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield met in a pub not far from the Westminster Parliament with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont to discuss the resignation.
“I didn’t think she’d announce her resignation until next month,” Amadeus commented as he worked on his 3rd plate of the pub’s steak and kidney pie.
“Neither did I,” Renfield sipped his pint of brown ale, “I’ve been told that the Prime Minister decided to resign after apparently looking at an oil painting of an 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean that former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson had given her as a gift.”
“That must have been one Hell of a picture,” Angelique remarked.
“It must have been,” Renfield admitted.
“So, who do you think will replace her?” Amadeus asked as he ordered a 4th piece of steak and kidney pie.
“Well, the London bookmakers seemed to favour Boris Johnson,” Renfield ate his rice pudding, “and the fact that the pro-globalist and pro-New World Order The Economist Magazine came out against Boris Johnson as Prime Minister is another plus in his favour. For what’s bad for The Economist is good for Britain. And what’s bad for Britain is good for The Economist.”
“I’ve noticed that The Economist has never had anything positive to say about you,” Amadeus ordered himself another Shirley Temple children’s cocktail.
“Which is why I rest my case on the matter,” Renfield washed down the last of his brown ale.
Meanwhile at 10 Downing Street, the residence’s staff were putting up a painting of Captain Kerry Donegal in the main hall.
A temporary location until Mrs. May moved out of 10 Downing Street.
“It’s like staring into a mirror,” the ghost of the pirate Captain Kerry Donegal remarked as he looked at the painting.
“Good God!” Mrs. May exclaimed as she walked down the hall.
It turned out that unbeknownst to herself until now, the Prime Minister had the psychic ability to see ghosts of pirates.
Mrs. May went weak at the knees and fainted.
As she lay on the floor she dreamed of a Harlequin historical romance novel book cover in which she appeared held in the arms of a pirate with an open shirt and a muscular hairless chest.
“That’s the first time I’ve seen Mrs. May look happy all day,” 10 Downing Street’s head butler remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 24th
2019.
Renfield Discusses Day of Fires
Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”
“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.
“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.
“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”
“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”
“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.
. . .
The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”
“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.
“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”
. . .
Today’s date.
Holy Saturday.
The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.
April 20th.
Der Fuhrer’s birthday.
It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.
Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.
Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.
This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.
Kohler’s cigarette went out.
He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.
And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.
Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon
Dracul Van Helsing 
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