Tom Brady and The Baphomet

February 6, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield was having his favourite item on the menu- the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead sized tuna fish sandwich.

“So anyways,” Renfield went on between huge mouthfuls of tuna fish, “it turns out that the aide to Rep. Nancy Pelosi spoke to stakeholders in both Blue Cross and Blue Shield insurance companies and assured them that there was no way Rep. Pelosi would allow for a national publicly funded single payer health care system. Hence I was right to advise my favourite American politian Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to give Rep. Nancy Pelosi the raspberry she so richly deserved when the former arrived in Washington DC. Establishment Democrats are just as bad as Trump neo-Establishment Republicans in defending the interests of ordinary working class and middle class Americans but the pseudointellectuals who make up the editorial content and opinion of The New York Times and Washington Post haven’t figured that out yet. They’re still busy blaming the poor Russians for Trump’s victory in 2016. Have you noticed the Robert Mueller probe which has been going on and on have charged Trump’s cronies with all manner of felonies except collusion with the Russians? Trump and Pelosi may be divided when it comes to walls but when it comes to denying poor and sick Americans access to first rate quality health care, the Donald and Nancy are united as one. Egads that sickening imagery I just used in my last sentence I won’t be able to get out of my mind now.”

Renfield pushed aside his remaining half plate of the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead Tuna Sandwich.

Amadeus (whose large appetite overcame any aversion he might have had towards Renfieldian imagery of Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi engaged in conjugal relations even though both were excellent at screwing the country) promptly started to eat the sandwich.

“And then of course the New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady who may or may not have inflatable and deflatable balls,” Renfield added, “is now promoting Baphomet worship through the beer named in his honour.”

“Baphomet the trans-species and transgendered hybrid goat-human demon worshiped by the Knights-Templar, Eliphas Levi, Aleister Crowley and all those groups who object to public displays of the 10 Commandments?” Amadeus stopped eating (albeit momentarily).

“The very same,” Renfield nodded.

“I’d heard about that,” said Angelique Dumont who was an American vampiress from New Orleans (and therefore most definitely not a Tom Brady fan), “The Samuel Adams Brewing Company based in Boston is brewing a limited edition beer that celebrates Tom Brady as the GOAT (Greatest of All Time except in those moments when his balls start deflating). But the goat they use in the image is the Baphomet goat head.”

“Wow,” Amadeus managed to say between mouthfuls of the tuna.

“And of course the quarterback holding the ball on the beer can who happens to have the head of the Baphomet bears the #12 on his jersey which of course is Tom Brady’s number but 2012 is also the year that the famous French Lovecraftian inspired artist and painter P.H. Felinedamour mysteriously disappeared on the night of December 21st just as the Baphomet was seen standing outside his art studios,” Renfield remarked as he sipped his Chai tea.

“Wow,” Amadeus repeated his mantra for the evening the same way that Fox news commentators mindlessly and stupidly repeat the mantra word of Venezuela whenever they were confronted with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposals for a publicly funded national healthcare system.

. . .

“Who are you?” New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady asked the ghostly white figure wearing the black mask who approached him.

“I am the ghost of Dr. Faustus,” the spectre replied, “the one who foolishly sold his soul to the demon Mephistopheles. I was recently granted temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld to come warn you as Hades just happens to be a New England Patriots fan.”

“Warn me of what?” Brady spilled GOAT Beer all over himself.

“The Baphomet (whom you stupidly sold your soul to) will soon be coming for your soul,” Faustus sneezed an ectoplasmic sneeze all over the inside of his mask.

“But I was promised 7 Super Bowl titles in exchange for my soul,” Brady protested, “Just like Oliver Cromwell was promised 7 years of power as absolute ruler of Britain when he sold his soul to Lucifer the Devil himself. I only have 6 Super Bowl titles.”

“Yes, but the Antichrist might be coming soon,” Faustus took off his mask showing a heavily burnt and disfigured face, “and the Baphomet is afraid that in the confusion of the Apocalypse, your soul might somehow get away from him.”

“How the Hell is the Antichrist coming soon?” Brady asked.

“Well, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Pope Francis, Talpiot (which is the Israeli equivalent of DARPA) and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman are currently working on a strict timetable,” Faustus answered.

“Shit,” said Brady.

Faustus continued to walk down the street where he passed filmmaker Michael Moore in a pizzeria drinking GOAT Beer alongside the demon Baal and eating the pizzeria’s John Podesta pizza special.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 6th
2019.


The Baphomet and Tom Brady merged in one on a GOAT Beer can.

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Renfield: An Example of Traditional Toxic Masculinity?

January 16, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Philosophy, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Rahaf Mohammed at a press conference in Toronto Ontario Canada yesterday.

At a press conference in Toronto yesterday, Rahaf Mohammed thanked Canada for granting her asylum.

She also dropped her family surname al-Qunun as her family had disowned her.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield when interviewed by CBC Radio Canada on the subject thought that this was an excellent idea on her part.

Particularly as social networking conspiracy theorists in the U.S. might link her with Q-Anon the supposed Deep State operative in the U.S. government who claimed the Deep State were plotting to oust Trump and bring leftist Democrats to power.

“Al-Qunun to Q-Anon,” Renfield pointed out, “This might confuse Alex Jones and other people like him.”

Radio-Canada asked Renfield who he thought Q-Anon was.

“Q-Anon,” Renfield replied, “is a supernatural spirit dragon entity named Kannon Bosatsu who poses as an 11-faced 1000 armed bodhisatvva who’s worshipped at various Buddhist monasteries in Kyoto, Japan. He’s considered the God of Mercy by these Buddhist monks in Kyoto as well as by Pope Francis in the Vatican. This Kannon (from whom Canon Japanese cameras get its name) can also spell his name Qannon. He decided to shorten it to Q-Anon when posing as an informer Deep State deep throat to conspiracy theorists in the U.S. for the same reason that PBS hires British commentators to explain to American audiences what’s happening on BBC dramas shown on PBS since Americans presumably have no clue to be able to figure out the plot of these shows themselves. Kannon to Qannon to Q-Anon – all these supernatural entities hide their true identity in plain sight. So American conspiracy theorists will never be able to figure it out since they don’t have a British commentator to explain it to them. Just like they never bother asking themselves if Donald Trump truly wants to save America like Deep State operative Q-Anon supposedly does, then why at his recent televised statements on the topic of the Wall did Trump have Jesuit priests wearing Baphomet figures rather than Christ figures on their Crosses standing behind him on one occasion and then on another occasion having a guy wearing a Masonic Great Architect of the Universe insigna pin on his lapel standing behind him and then actually speaking on the issue of border security and the Wall? All these demonic operatives are appearing in plain sight, showing up on news clips they show on their own YouTube channels and the channel hosts don’t even notice it. And they also should be asking themselves this question, walls can keep people out, yes, but can’t they also be used to keep people in?”.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was dressed as the Hitchcockian character of Norman Bates dressed as his mother to celebrate a Mass in honour of the demon Baphomet at the Vatican.

After kissing the Baphomet’s ass at the end of Mass, he then got on the phone to talk with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman on the subject of extraterrestrials visiting Earth.

. . .

The ghosts of Liberace and Truman Capote (recently granted dispensational leave from the Underworld by the Greek god Hades and the Norse goddess Hel) were dancing in one another’s arms in front of the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC as Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Chuck Schumer stood and applauded.

They were dancing over the news that the American Psychological Association had recently declared “traditional masculinity” toxic.

“I always knew traditional masculinity was toxic,” Capote’s ghost lisped, “I just knew it.”

“I knew it too,” Liberace’s ghost lisped back.

“I knew it before you did,” Capote lisped higher.

“No, you didn’t,” Liberace lisped higher still.

“Yes, I did,” Capote lisped higher and higher.

Soon both ghosts were involved in a psychedelically coloured bathrobe catfight as each man used their immaculately manicured ghostly fingernails to try to scratch the other.

They later did the same in a Washington DC deli fighting over the last piece of quiche pie.


In the days before non-toxic masculine ghosts were freed from Hel.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield stood facing reporters on the steps of the Westminster Parliament in London where his plans alongside British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to defeat Theresa May’s government on a non-confidence motion had gone up in smoke just as a Japanese Buddhist dragon with 11 faces and 1000 arms flew by while roasting marshmallows with his mouth.

“The vast majority of Members of Parliament have spoken,” Renfield stated and then added, “The bastards.”

Renfield was asked by a reporter about the growing influence of the #MeToo Movement and the MP answered thus, “The #MeToo Movement have metamorphosed into modern day disciples of the ancient Anatolian Phrygian mother goddess Cybele whose purpose is to make eunuchs of every single male on earth or at least subject them to a high degree of wussification, pansyfication and sissyfication.”

A psychologist member of the American Psychological Association who was standing nearby remarked that Renfield was a good example of traditional masculinity being toxic.

Renfield (who had a license to kill like James Bond 007) pulled out a gun and shot and killed the psychologist on the spot.

Later Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon when he heard the news remarked, “Well I guess Renfield’s masculinity did turn out to be toxic for that particular American psychologist.”

“Fatally so,” Amadeus’ girlfriend Angelique Dumont added.

A Gillette ad created by Dracul Van Helsing 9 years ago attacking cheating heart masculinity back in the days when real men still created ads for Gillette.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 16th
2019.

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Phantom of The Opera: A Poem As Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

September 14, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Film, Folklore, Ghost Story, love, Music, music videos, Musicals, Poetry, Romance, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Phantom of The Opera: A Poem
Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

Amadeus Emanon was at London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios (owned by Heathcliff’s company Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.) to record his first album Erik’s Lament: The Agony and Ecstasy of A Phantom In The Night.

Amadeus Emanon sang this song:

Phantom of The Opera: A Lament

Oh Phantom, you are the lonely one
You loved Christine who was daylight
to your realms of darkness
She let the sunlight shine in your heart
You taught her to sing
But she taught you to love
And hers by far was the greater gift

There in your lair beneath the Opera deep
Where you lay many an hour to lie there and weep
And let the hate consume your heart like heat
Burned and singed was it making your scar look neat

For your look you thought no one could love
Depriving you of joy on earth and in heaven above
But Christine looked and she saw
but you turned away and you let her go
For in the mirror you saw just the scar
But in her eyes, she saw your very soul
But you did not see and you did not know
And your love departed by the river’s flow

Oh what music you could have made
But your heart you buried in hate’s grave
For Christine wanted to be your love not your slave
Now she’s left you and gone away
While you pine all night and long for day
The day you once had but chased away
leaving you with childhood toys you used to play
And now your soul then your music will decay.

(-A poem written by Christopher
Friday September 7th 2018)

Inspired by the character of Erik as he is portrayed in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of The Opera.

Amadeus Emanon as he appears on the cover of his album (making it look like he was posing with his violin in an old 19th Century style photograph)

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Notwithstanding The Hurricane Winds of Change

September 10, 2018 at 11:11 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Notwithstanding The Hurricane Winds of Change

Amadeus Emanon was working to get an album of songs he had personally written produced by London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.

It was helpful to Amadeus’ cause that it was his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (owner of Set Enterprises) who lent Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the money to buy Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. for himself (Heathcliff had previously been Executive Vice-President of the company).

Of course Heathcliff probably would not have signed Amadeus to a recording contract despite that unless Amadeus had been both a talented songwriter and a talented singer.

Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s good friend the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont (best known for her role as Christine Daae in many West End London theatre productions of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera since 2007) had highly recommended Amadeus Emanon.

Both Amadeus and Angelique were taking a break from their recording session at Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios on London’s Abbey Road.

They were meeting with Amadeus’ good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield in Lord Poseidon God of The Seas’ Unparalleled Fish ‘N Chips Shop – a favourite of Amadeus.

“So,” Renfield looked shocked as Amadeus ate only one plate of Fish ‘N Chips (Amadeus had been scolded quite a lot lately by Angelique Dumont to cut down on his large appetite since he would soon be appearing in a photo shoot for the cover of his new album), “It appears that our Alberta-based Canadian vampire hunter friend approves of Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s decision to use the notwithstanding clause of the Canadian Constitution to overrule Ontario Superior Court Justice Edward Belobaba’s decision to disallow Ford’s new legislation The Better Local Government Act. Not because Dracul approves of Doug Ford (whom he calls the Ontario Donald Trump) but because by becoming the first Ontario Premier to use the Notwithstanding clause he might finally encourage politicians in Canada to grow pairs of balls and start using the Notwithstanding Clause to give unelected liberal social activist judges the raspberry they so richly deserve. For too long these unelected judicial jackasses have been reading their own personal views into things the constitution doesn’t even mention and using it to advance their own perverted and degenerate social agenda. Proof positive Dracul notes that Doug Ford is right this one time is that the 2 far left wing liberal rags in Toronto- The Globe and Mail as well as The Toronto Star- appear to have their panties in a knot and are in one Hell of an outburst of whining and snivelling over the fact Ford is using the Notwithstanding Clause.”

“So that’s the way things now stand in Canada, eh?” Amadeus ate a piece of Maple Leaf bacon 🥓 while Angelique watched disapprovingly.

“And then Dracul notes smoking recreational marijuana becomes officially legal next month which should should bring many unelected liberal social activist judges out of their smoke 💨 filled closets where they get many of their ideas from,” Renfield remarked.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher was wondering why Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had blown so many mathematical equations while typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof underwater iPad in his lobster tank.

Usually Michelangelo was so good at being able to crack difficult mathematical equations that even the world’s most advanced computers 🖥 were incapable of cracking.

It was then that Dr. Rocher noticed the remaining stub of reefer of Canadian recreational cannabis at the bottom of Michelangelo’s lobster tank.

. . .

Renfield went back to the Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum dungeons where he was interrogating members of a rogue branch of Britain’s MI-6 who were plotting a chemical attack on civilians who were living in Idlib province in Syria to give NATO the excuse to take direct military action against Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s Government in Damascus.

Renfield was getting the MI-6 operatives to talk by forcing them to watch (with very loud audio) home movie made videos of former Philippines 🇵🇭 First Lady Imelda Marcos singing songs to her husband former Philippines 🇵🇭 dictator Ferdinand Marcos as he lay comatose on his deathbed in a hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii on September 28th 1989 (doctors speculated that it was Imelda’s singing 🎤 that speeded up Ferdinand Marcos’ departure into the afterlife- no doubt figuring that Hell would be an improvement).

Every MI-6 operative that Renfield did this to immediately cracked and was soon singing like a canary.

Renfield brought in a wild nightingale from outside to join the MI-6 canaries in their singing.

. . .

Hurricane Florence now a category 4 hurricane was heading straight towards North and South Carolina.

Florence was a rare kind of hurricane in that, unbeknownst to NASA, the whirlwind in the hurricane was being directed by a vampiress.

The vampiress herself was named Florence.

Florence de Medici.

A vampiress who during her mortal life back in the Italian Renaissance had been an influential and powerful Florentine courtesan- Signora Florence de Medici.

A woman who had been turned into a vampiress by her unholy spiritual godmother- the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith- the mother of all vampires.

And now Florence was directing Florence against the Carolinas.

. . .

Flashback 109 years ago.

November 1909- King Edward VII of Britain had gone to a forest in a public park to meet with a woman.

But this was no ordinary woman.

She was a vampiress.

She was meeting with King Edward VII because she had shocking information (so she said) on what the King’s nephew the Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany was planning.

King Edward VII walked through the bleak November forest until he came upon her:

The Countess Draculina- daughter of Dracula

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 10th
2018.

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Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

August 23, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont were spending a romantic getaway in Paris France 🇫🇷.

The vampiress had stocked up on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s special sunblock which prevented vampiresses from being fried to a crisp in the daylight sun.

They boated along the Seine River and lunched in elegant Parisienne street cafes as artists painted their portraits.

They watched someone wearing a Donald Trump mask dive into the river and announce to the world, “It’s official. I’m in Seine.”

They visited Notre Dame Cathedral and kissed under one of the gargoyles.

Not since the Hunchback of Notre Dame had lit up the night with Esmeralda the gypsy had the gargoyle seen such action.

Amadeus and Angelique then went to a spot with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and made out there.

Moments before, Amadeus had received a text message from his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield pointing out that today was the 79th Anniversary of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact.

Renfield said he had just posted a message on the timeline of Vladimir Putin’s Facebook page to that effect and got a bunch of Russian 🇷🇺 expletives hurled at him in return.

And speaking of Nazis, Hitler’s Ghost had temporarily left the body of the grey wolf he was possessing and was walking in astral spirit form through the streets of Paris recounting memories of his glorious triumphal trip to Paris on June 28th 1940 after he had conquered the French nation.

He stood alongside Amadeus and Angelique as they looked at their tourist maps (fearing that Trump’s NSA would monitor the GPS on their smart phones) and stood looking out at the city before he then turned and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.

He then looked at Amadeus and Angelique who had dropped their tourist maps and were now kissing.

“Oh,” Der Fuhrer mused aloud to himself, “to be alive and young and in Paris.”

Coincidentally at that very same moment, Donald Trump was saying the exact same thing as he was watching an old reality TV show with Paris Hilton on Netflix.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 23rd
2018.

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Renfield Makes Minced Mincemeat Out of The Disciples of Santa Muerte

August 4, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Makes Minced Mincemeat Out of The Disciples of Santa Muerte

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was disappointed to read on his BBC News App that the drone attack assassination attempt on Venezuelan 🇻🇪 President Nicolás Maduro had failed.

Renfield had asked Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher to design some explosive drones for him which the great scientist had done.

Renfield had then sent the explosive drones to his ally the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez who along with Renfield had long been plotting the overthrow of the Marxist despot Maduro.

Francesca had hired some anti-Maduro Venezuelan Air Force Officers to carry out the attack.

Sadly they had failed.

Oh well, Renfield thought bitterly, if you want the job done, you generally have to do it yourself.

What with plotting against both Russia’s Putin and Turkey’s Erdogan in Europe, he had very little time these days to go to Latin America and overthrow or successfully assassinate Maduro.

A fact which he had often complained to his spectral friend the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about.

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont cleared her throat.

For the British MP was supposed to be having dinner with her and her boyfriend the British concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in a London pub.

Renfield remembered his manners (especially after recalling his latest session with dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes) and paid attention to Amadeus and Angelique’s discussion about the new Winnie The Pooh film the couple had just seen – Christopher Robin.

“Angelique, is that you?” A very beautiful and tearful 😢 young Mexican woman in a red rose patterned summer white dress approached her.

“Conchetta?” Angelique rose to hug and comfort her friend, “what’s wrong?”.

“I just received a text message from my best friend Artemisia back home,” Conchetta wept, “My entire family- mother, father, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins- in fact the whole entire village have been wiped out- massacred by the Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel. Somehow miraculously Artemisia managed to escape- the only one in the entire village who managed to escape.”

Conchetta tearfully managed to relate the whole story to the trio.

Amadeus and Angelique sat there in a total state of shock.

As did Renfield.

Who also was overtaken by the greatest surge of anger.

“Amadeus, do you know if the Boss,” Renfield was referring to his former and Amadeus’ current employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “still has his private Concorde jet on standby at Heathrow?”.

“I believe so,” said Amadeus.

Renfield excused himself paying his share of the bill.

He then rushed back to the Set Mansion in West London where he picked up some special supplies.

On his way out to Heathrow in the limousine, he conversed with friends he knew in the various world intelligence services about the Disciples of Santa Muerte.

He boarded Set’s private Concorde jet and within a few hours arrived in Mexico 🇲🇽 only kilometres from the colossal villa that served as the headquarters of the Disciples of Santa Muerte.

. . .

The Disciples of Santa Muerte didn’t know what hit them.

It had in fact been a Tesla sound wave pulse recently re-discovered by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The sound wave paralyzed all the Disciples preventing them from moving.

It didn’t however shut off their nerve and pain sensations or vocal cords for that matter as Renfield could tell from the fact that as he slowly and painfully dismembered them bit by bit, he could still hear a small portion of their loud and shrill agonizing screams through the soundproof earplugs he was wearing.

Renfield’s friend the ghost of Orson Welles was on hand with his ghostly cameras and ghostly lighting crews to film the gory and bloody and excruciatingly slow and painful 😣 bodily dismemberments which the enormous talent of a film director would upload to YouTube later.

Renfield took the decapitated heads of all the slain Disciples of Santa Muerte and posted them on spikes in the Rose Garden of the White House on top of the garden wall underneath a large banner that read I Never Promised You A Rose Garden.

The dismembered hands he put in the glass display case of the expensive gloves department in the exclusive Saks Fifth Avenue store in New York City.

The dismembered feet he put in an expensive Nike shoes display in the same Saks Fifth Avenue store.

Thighs and legs he put outside KFC stores in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

Arms and elbows he put inside display cases in the Baseball ⚾️ Hall of Fame in the village of Cooperstown, New York.

The armless, legless and headless carcasses of cadavers he put outside a Planned Parenthood clinic in Chicago underneath a banner that read Just On The Extremely Minuscule Off Chance You Happen To Run Out of Human Body Parts To Sell To Global Food Conglomerates and Pharmaceutical Companies.

. . .

Q-Amon the great sorcerer and former Egyptian Pharaoh had one literal Hell of a massive bowel movement on his Columbian cocaine plantation when he heard about the wholesale slaughter of every single member of the Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel in Mexico 🇲🇽.

Renfield’s action was immediately publicly condemned by Pope Francis and his lavender clique of flashy flaming Liberace style priests for failing to take into account the personal nobility of soul of all the drug gang members.

The action also launched an intense public debate among commentators, analysts and self-proclaimed journalists on YouTube on whether or not this new Machiavellian and Genghis Khan Style approach to the War On Drugs might prove more effective than the limpwristed style approach to the War on Drugs that had been conducted by the U.S. government and its allies for the past 35 years which seemed to be going absolutely nowhere.

One Fox News commentator even speculated (for which he was soundly condemned in a tweet by Donald Trump) on whether this new Renfieldian approach to the Latin American drug cartels might deem the Trumpian need to build a wall on the southern border of the U. S. totally unnecessary.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 4th
2018.

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Who Is The Father? – Reflections On DNA and Free Will

November 20, 2017 at 8:34 pm (Crime, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Who Is The Father? -Reflections On DNA and Free Will

The New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont had gone to see her friend Amadeus Emanon.

She realized that Amadeus would probably be feeling stressed out today.

For Amadeus was not like other men.

He had been genetically created in a test tube from DNA from locks of hair belonging to composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, British actor Alan Rickman and California mass murderer Charles Manson.

Amadeus had emerged from the test tube as a fully grown adult back in late 2005.

He might have had the body of an adult but he still had the mind of a child.

And as he grew emotionally and psychologically, one of the greatest things he had struggled with was the fact that one of the DNA donors involved in his genetic creation had been the notorious killer Charles Manson.

And now that particular donor of DNA – Charles Manson – was now dead.

So Angelique figured that Amadeus would once again be struggling with the issue- would he be genetically destined to be another Charles Manson?

Angelique pointed out that physically in terms of his appearance, Amadeus looked like a young Alan Rickman.

As a concert pianist, he played the piano like the young child prodigy Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

“Amadeus, you’ve always been more interested in music than you have in murder,” Angelique told him, “it’s not only heredity that influences us but our environment as well. Manson was musically inclined having written a song for the Beach Boys but his thoughts gradually turned to murder rather than music, he turned to hate rather than love. He wanted to promote war between races rather than harmony among all humanity. You are the total opposite of that, Amadeus. You prefer music to murder and love to hate, one human race to any manifestation of racism. You are the opposite of Charles Manson, Amadeus. We decide to become who we are in life. Manson chose to become what he is- an angry murderer and failed musician who ends up dying in prison. You have become a loving joyful person and your musical talent grows with each passing day.”

“You mentioned environment?” Amadeus looked sad, “Look at my environment. I’m personal concert pianist to an ancient Egyptian vampire who killed and dismembered his own brother. My only friend other than you is Renfield R. Renfield a man who is the flesh and blood embodiment of television’s Raymond Red Reddington and as such the people Renfield bumps off may be assholes but Renfield is still a killer nevertheless.”

“Well the fact that you live in such an environment and yet choose to be the kind loving person that you are is testament to your strength of character, Amadeus,” Angelique said gently.

Amadeus sat silently considering what Angelique had just said.

Angelique added, “Consider the song Manson wrote and gave to Beach Boy Dennis Wilson. The title of the song that Manson wrote was Cease To Exist. Wilson turned that song into the Beach Boys’ Never Learn Not To Love. Manson’s original song and its title was like the life he lived- Cease To Exist. His life was nihilistic- he wanted to annihilate people. He ordered the deaths of people that ended in the killing of Sharon Tate and others. He wanted to bring about a race war- further death and destruction. It was all about death and annihilation for him- ceasing to exist. And now he has ceased to live- his last breath being that of prison air. Your life has been following a different course, Amadeus. Learning to love. Your life has been the embodiment of what Wilson did with Manson’s song when he changed the title and the lyrics- Never Learn Not To Love. The life Manson lived was the denial of existence. The life you’ve been living is the affirmation of love. Continue to live that life, Amadeus. For you are no Charles Manson. You are Amadeus Emanon.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 20th
2017.

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Westminster MPs’ Stand-Up Comedy Night For Charity

September 24, 2017 at 7:33 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Westminster MPs’ Stand-Up Comedy Night For Charity

A group of MPs from the Westminster Parliament in London were holding a dinner and a stand-up comedy night to raise money for charity.

Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont decided to attend the dinner.

The dinner was good but then it came time for some of the MPs to perform.

The first one up was British Prime Minister Theresa May.

Said Mrs. May, “I hear there are some here in the Conservative caucus who want to replace me as party leader and as Prime Minister. Since my last name is May, it makes me glad that there’s no one named June in the Tory caucus.”

Mrs. May’s joke fell flatter than a Hollywood starlet’s pre-silicone injection brassiere.

The next up was British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

His routine of “Well, you can call me Johnson or you can call me BJ…” didn’t go over so well either.

Third and last was Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield began,

“Have you ever wondered what would happen if two immature kids fighting in a playground had access to nuclear weapons?

Well with Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un, we’re about to find out…”

Amadeus winced.

Renfield’s observation was a little too close to the truth to laugh at.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 24th
2017.

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Of Soccer Players, Renfield and New Orleans Vampiresses

September 20, 2017 at 4:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a hectic day in the colossal west London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set himself had flown to Atlanta, Georgia to meet former U.S. President Jimmy Carter to discuss an emergency matter that had just come up (involving a WW1 German U-boat submarine).

The butler and valet Athelstan’s mother (who was staying as a guest in the house for a few days) was screaming in her sleep and awakening the whole house, “Oh yes, Senor Messi, yes! You’ve definitely got your balls in the right place. Keep going! Keep going!!”.

Athelstan went running into her room to wake her up, “I have the feeling that if people dream about the same thing, then FC Barcelona’s Lionel Messi is having one Hell of a nightmare.”

Renfield R. Renfield was once again working on a speech he was giving on global affairs in the British House of Commons this time warning that the enigmatic Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike was plotting a hostile takeover of Monsanto warning “that this would be a major threat to agricultural and food production in Africa and Asia given Mr. Pike’s racist and genocidal attitudes.”

And Amadeus Emanon was getting ready for a date with the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont.

They were planning to go see a play featuring the great London stage actor Sir Carlton Hardisty.

The name of the play was An Evening In London On The Eve of Sarajevo 1914.

Amadeus walked into the mansion’s piano room where Angelique Dumont was waiting for him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 20th
2017.

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Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

November 12, 2016 at 6:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had his entire mansion to himself tonight.

His butler and valet Athelstan had been called away to bail his mother out of jail for being drunk and disorderly. Apparently Athelstan’s mother had been drinking too much gin in a northern England pub and had gotten into a violent argument with another patron about who was England’s greatest rugby player.

Amadeus and Renfield were out of the house to meet the New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont in a London karaoke bar in a tribute night to The Greatest Hits of Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers.

So Set was doing what any male would do when he had the entire house to himself- he was drinking a bottle of beer (albeit in Set’s case with a side of blood) and watching television.

He was watching a BBC World News story about more anti-Trump rioting and protests in post-election America.

BBC Reporter (with a huge riot going on in the background): In the weeks running up to this Presidential election the big fear was that Donald Trump supporters would not accept the reality of a Hillary Clinton victory and would riot and cause general mayhem and chaos following the election. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and America has to face the reality of a Donald Trump victory, some of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are rioting and creating general mayhem and chaos themselves.

(Behind the BBC reporter, bottles are being thrown and American flags are being burnt. Signs saying TRUMP NOT MY PRESIDENT are being waved and cries of “Fuck You America” are being shouted)

BBC Reporter (calling to a protestor carrying a Molotov cocktail): Excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Protestor (with Molotov cocktail): Sure. Cool, man.

BBC Reporter: Why are you doing this?

Protestor: Because Trump won and Hillary lost. This is an affront to democracy and the will of the people, man.

BBC Reporter: What do you think would have happened had Hillary won and Trump lost?

Protestor: All those white Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansmen who supported Trump would have rioted. Because Trump supporters have no class.

Topless Tattooed Blonde (burning her Stars and Stripes coloured brassiere in front of the camera): That’s right, Trump supporters have no class. Unlike us, we have class. Fuck you, America! (holds up her middle finger)

Meanwhile down at the Karaoke bar where Irish Music Appreciation Night was being held, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont were waiting for Renfield R. Renfield to show up.

“How long do you suppose Renfield is going to be at that massage parlour in Soho?” Angelique asked Amadeus.

“That will depend on whether or not Renfield ordered the Dozen For One special,” Amadeus replied.

“Do you think Renfield will keep his promise and not sing any karaoke tonight?” Angelique asked with a shudder as she recalled the riot that had ensued the last time Renfield had sung karaoke.

“I believe he will,” Amadeus nodded, “I wonder if Renfield will remember what door to come in.”

It turned out that Renfield did not.

For he wound up on stage just as the crowd was starting to chant The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute!

The karaoke M.C. asked Renfield, “Are you the gentleman who signed up to sing The Old Orange Flute?”.

“Um, no,” Renfield replied, “I thought when the crowd was uttering cries of The Old Orange Flute, they were calling on some Chinaman to introduce an elderly Protestant pansy from Northern Ireland.”

Amadeus winced and buried his head in his hands.

He thought to himself that Renfield with his sense of audacious political incorrectness – that if the media had given Renfield as much coverage at the start of this year’s Presidential election campaign as they had Donald Trump- that it would be Renfield and not Trump who was the President-elect of the United States.

Proving the truth of Oscar Wilde’s dictum, “It’s better to be talked about than not talked about.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 12th
2016.

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