Amadeus’ Dream of Three Bruces

August 11, 2015 at 6:39 pm (Culture, Entertainment, History, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus’ Dream of Three Bruces

Despite Black Dragon Society conspiracy theorist Daniel Hyperion Sturm’s warnings about not using the Internet before bedtime, Amadeus Emanon had foolishly done so.

And as a result, he was having weird dreams.

Though of course not as weird as Renfield in the bedroom adjacent across the hall who likewise had been using the Internet before bedtime and was now dreaming about being in a Turkish steam bath with porn stars Akira Lane, Nicole Oring and Mika Tan.

Amadeus was dreaming that he and Renfield were sitting in the living room listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC Announcer: And those were the words of Miss Caitlyn Jenner, formerly Mr. Bruce Jenner, christening the new Disney cruise ship The Goddess Cybele… In other news, Caitlyn Jenner’s daughter Kylie Jenner has apparently adopted a pet rabbit and named it Bruce.

Amadeus: Wow. I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about that?

Renfield (downing a bottle of Kraken black rum): It might have been more ominous if she had named the rabbit Elektra or Orestes.

BBC Announcer: This bulletin just in… Kylie Jenner has taken her pet rabbit Bruce to see a New Age veterinary guru in Beverly Hills who claims she has the power to communicate telepathically with animals. After silently communicating with the gray rabbit Bruce, New Age guru Miss Kellog S. Flakes said that Bruce had told her that he was really a female rabbit trapped in a male body and that he wanted to undergo veterinary transgender therapy, become a female rabbit, change his/her name to Caitlyn and become the Playboy bunny he/she always desired to be…

Renfield (spewing the Kraken black rum out of his mouth to the goldfish tank on the other side of the room making the goldfish look a lot happier): Good God.

BBC Announcer: Closer to home here in London, the ghost of Scotland’s extremely late King Robert the Bruce spoke to reporters while being channeled through Carnaby Street spiritist gypsy medium Dulcinea Lucia…

Voice of Scotland’s Robert The Bruce (speaking in a thick Scottish brogue while being channeled through Dulcinea Lucia) : Well as you know, we Scots in our day (although there’s nothing wee about us) used to wear kilts much of the time so nobody could have possibly guessed that I was in fact a cross-dresser… a female trapped in a male body. If William Wallace had known, he’d have probably personally impaled his braveheart on Edward I’s English sword…

BBC Announcer: Robert the Bruce added that from henceforth, he desires to be known as Roberta the Caitlyn…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 11th
2015.

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