Sherrielock Holmes In Vienna

April 22, 2023 at 8:38 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes in Vienna

Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal and young looking twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was in Vienna.

Miss Holmes was a dominatrix by profession.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had brought her to Vienna to help out with secret negotiations that he, along with others, was hoping to get a peace treaty signed between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦.

There had been a few stumbling blocks.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was required to do something to help out with the negotiations.

But Erdogan had refused.

So Renfield had arranged for the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the actress wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great) to beat the crap out of Erdogan until he agreed.

Theodora had done just that.

And Erdogan agreed 👍.

Now both the lead Russian 🇷🇺 negotiator and lead Ukrainian 🇺🇦 negotiator were dragging their heels in accepting final details.

This called for tougher heels 👠 (as in super spiked stiletto high heels 👠).

So Renfield had called in Sherrielock Holmes in her capacity as a professional dominatrix to tomato 🍅 the buns 🍑 of both men in order to get them to agree to terms.

After a thorough and sound paddling of both men on their bare buttocks that lasted hours, both men had agreed to terms.

As both men wept tears equivalent to the Indian, Atlantic and Pacific Oceans 🌊, Sherrielock put her paddle away, adjusted her dress and combed her hair and immediately walked down the stairs:

Where she was immediately greeted by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“May I have the pleasure of this next dance?” Van Helsing asked.

“Is it The Blue Danube?” Sherrielock inquired.

“It is,” Van Helsing nodded.

They proceeded to dance (and enjoyed the dance while Lenin’s ghost was down in Tartarus roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit on what would have been his 153rd birthday today).

“Well,” Renfield lit a cigar and spoke to the ghost of Orson Welles, “Sherrielock Holmes may have just prevented World War III.”

“The American Deep State forces behind Joe Biden will be very disappointed,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “We will have no World War III before its time.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 23rd

Permalink 12 Comments

Sherrielock Holmes and Harvey Tallbanger

April 10, 2023 at 9:22 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes sitting outside the British Museum

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was sitting outside the British Museum as the world famous usually invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was walking down the street towards her.

Sherrielock Holmes was able to see Harvey Tallbanger because she had once eaten a plate of Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms.

The mushrooms made her quite literally immortal.

As well as given her the ability to see invisible creatures.

Harvey Tallbanger had just come from a park where he had magically laid a whole bunch of painted coloured Easter eggs to the delight of children in the park.

He smiled when he saw Sherrielock Holmes ahead of him as he walked back from the park.

“Mr. Tallbanger, what a big tail you have,” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun called out from across the street.

“The better to bang her with, my dear,” a beautiful female korrigan from Brittany France whispered in Yaldabaoth’s ear before throwing him to the ground and taking advantage of him.

“Good morning, Miss Sherrielock,” Harvey Tallbanger doffed his large top hat 🎩 (with two large holes in it for his ears) towards her.

Sherrielock Holmes as she was being greeted by Harvey Tallbanger.

And thus it was that the world famous London dominatrix was greeted by the world famous 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit.

Harvey Tallbanger was famous for throwing cream pies 🥧 in the faces of assholes and airheads and creeps and cretins.

Last week he had thrown a New Zealand 🇳🇿 sheep 🐑 manure 💩 cream pie in the face of former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern who was recently named by the globalists as their Czar to crack down on disinformation (which was the 21st Century globalist term for truth).

Neither Harvey nor Sherrielock were sure of the name of the organization since the attack.

Their source had been a Calgary based geopolitical analyst.

The organization was named in a story on the Net last week when she was appointed but today all trace of the appointment and the organization had been scrubbed from the Google search engine when that geopolitical analyst had searched for the name of the organization for a blog post he was writing.

“What are you up to these days, Miss Sherrielock?” Harvey asked.

“I’m hoping to get ahold of Prince William for a training session since he named that airhead Jacinda Ardern to be a trustee of his Earthshot Prize organization,” Sherrielock answered.

“His Highness will then be able to sing that Sir Elton John song I’m Still Standing as he hands out the awards,” Tallbanger noted.

“Indeed,” Sherrielock smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 10th

Permalink 12 Comments

Sherrielock Holmes and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

April 6, 2023 at 8:18 pm (Archaeology, Art, Art History, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Photography, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes

Sherrielock Holmes the world famous London dominatrix was getting her photo taken by famous London photographer Murrell Haggarty.

Sherrielock Holmes was the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

Sherrielock had become immortal after eating a specially prepared bowl 🍲 of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms back in the early 1890s.

She had offered some to her twin brother Sherlock but he had refused.

Thus Sherlock Holmes ended up kicking the bucket 🪣 🦶 in the 1930s.

When Dr. John Watson had approached his physician friend Arthur Conan Doyle about the proper way to market the exploits of his detective friend Sherlock Holmes, Doyle suggested that Watson publish the stories under his (Doyle’s) name.

That way many people might think that Sherlock Holmes was a fictional detective.

But those people who were helped by Holmes would realize that Sherlock was in fact a real life detective.

That would start endless speculation among the populace at large:

Was Sherlock Holmes fictional? Or was he real?

That enigmatic question Was Sherlock Holmes Man or Myth? would only lead to greater increase in the popularity of the Sherlock Holmes stories.

One thing Sherlock Holmes requested of the writing duo of Dr. John Watson and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was that they not mention that Sherlock had a twin sister Sherrielock Holmes.

It was all right mentioning that Sherlock Holmes had an older brother named Mycroft who was a high ranking official in the British government of the day.

But don’t mention Sherrielock Holmes, Sherlock begged.

Watson did mention Sherrielock once, but like Basil Fawlty in relationship to mentioning the War, he got away with it.

The reason Sherlock Holmes did not want it known that he had a twin sister named Sherrielock Holmes was because Sherrielock was a professional dominatrix.

Worse yet a professional dominatrix who had once owned a bordello brothel saloon in a ruckus causing Wild West town in Colorado during the 1880s in the days of the American Wild West (Belvedere who later became famous as the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander had worked as a bartender for Sherrielock Holmes in that saloon during the days that he was a mortal human).

Having a sister (worse yet a twin sister) who was a professional dominatrix who had once owned an American Wild West bordello brothel saloon would have been extremely embarrassing to Sherlock Holmes had those facts become known publicly.

Although most members of the Victorian and Edwardian era British House of Commons and British House of Lords had heard of Sherrielock Holmes since they were among her most constant clients.

Her client list included many members of the British cabinet and several standing Prime Ministers (who really were standing after a session with her).

Sherrielock Holmes was also the immortal great-grandmother of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Sherrielock had been married to a French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher for 25 years from 1893 to 1918.

It was Louis who had prepared the special dish of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms that had made Sherrielock immortal.

Someday Louis said he would eat such a dish (making him immortal) but he said he was going to wait.

He waited too long because he, as a member of the RAF, was shot down and killed by the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen on April 20th 1918 (the day before the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen was himself shot down and killed on April 21st 1918).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had discovered that Sherrielock’s late husband Dr. Louis Rocher had been an illegitimate son of Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy Prof. James Moriarty.

Thus Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had both Holmes and Moriarty blood 🩸 in him with Sherlock Holmes having been his great uncle and Prof. James Moriarty his great great grandfather.

No wonder that Dr. Cadbury Rocher is the genius that he is.

Amadeus Emanon a friend of Sherrielock Holmes had been listening to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast.

Renfield had been podcasting from Vienna where he was attending a conference on behalf of the British government.

The past couple of days on his podcasts Renfield had been talking about the legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut.

The legend had begun 100 years ago yesterday (April 5th 1923) after George Edward Stanhope Molyneux Herbert the 5th Earl of Carnarvon (the financier of Howard Carter’s expedition that discovered King Tut’s tomb) had died from a fatal mosquito bite.

The legend of the curse of the mummy’s tomb of King Tut had blasted off with full force 100 years ago today (April 6th 1923) when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (the man the world believed to be the creator of Sherlock Holmes) said that “an evil elemental brought into being by Egyptian occultism or the spirit of Tut might have caused the death of Lord Carnarvon” the man who, along with Howard Carter, had opened the tomb of King Tut.

Said Doyle, “The Egyptians knew a great deal more about these things (occultism and spiritualism) than we do.”

Doyle added, “One does not know what elementals existed in those days and how long those elementals existed and what might be their force.”

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle pointed out that if “they (the Egyptians) could put these elementals on guard over their dead bodies, they would certainly have done so.”

Doyle concluded, “Therefore I think it quite possible that Lord Carnarvon may have met his death through one of these elementals.”

After listening to the Renfield podcasts on this subject, Amadeus Emanon went to see Sherrielock Holmes.

Sherrielock was being photographed.

Then she had an appointment.

After she had finished spanking the living daylights out of errant British actor Hugh Grant, she then spoke to Amadeus.

“Do you know anything of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s research into elementals?” Amadeus asked.

“No, I don’t,” Sherrielock answered in the negative as she adjusted her skirt, “This will have to be dry cleaned. That bastard Hugh came all over it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 6th

Permalink 28 Comments

Athena and Dracul Make Out Under A Byzantium Moon While Mussolini’s Ghost Continues His March On Astana

October 28, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Athena sits ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon The Greek goddess Athena was sitting ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon while the ghost of Orson Welles gazed on a₱₱reciativley. “This has to be the loveliest deus ex machina I’ve ever created in a stage ₱roduction,” Welles’ ghost remarked. Canadian vam₱ire hunter Dracul Van Helsing stood below the Byzantium crescent moon gazing u₱ a₱₱reciatively at Athena. The ghost of the Roman Em₱eror (and 1st Byzantine Em₱eror) Constantine the Great walked by and whis₱ered to Dracul, “In hoc signo vinco eris”. Yesterday October 27th would have been the 171Oth anniversary of the sign that a₱₱eared in the sky to Constantine on the evening before the Battle of the Milvian Bridge telling him if he ₱ainted the Chi Rho (the first two letters of Christ’s Name in Greek) on his soldiers’ shields, he’d win the battle and defeat his enemy and rival Maxentius. Athena informed Dracul that the ghosts of Benito Mussolini and his Blackshirts were outside the City of Astana Kazakhstan waiting to take over the city just like 1OO years ago today (on October 28th 1922) the living mortal Benito Mussolini and his living mortal Blackshirts were waiting outside the City of Rome Italy to take over the city. “You’ll have to do something, Dracul,” Athena urged him. “I want to make love to you,” Dracul re₱lied. Athena told Dracul to come u₱ to the crescent moon. Dracul did so. Athena took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and s₱anked him. As Athena gave Dracul a good sound thorough wallo₱₱ing on his bare buttocks, Dracul’s friend Daniel Hy₱erion was trying to determine what malicious virus or s₱yware or adware had been ₱laced on Dracul’s tablet (making him unable to ty₱e the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet forcing him to use the symbol ₱ instead of the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet among other things like his ability to indent and create new ₱aragra₱hs). After an hour Athena had finished totally blistering and tomatoing Dracul’s buns. A lesser man than Dracul Van Helsing would have we₱t. And lesser men usually did. Like Justin Trudeau for exam₱le. (Although Athena wisely had never s₱anked that crybaby but world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous 221 B Baker Street consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) once had to in order to get Justin to end the dictatorial Canadian Federal Emergencies Act back in February of this year). But instead Dracul Van Helsing commented, “God, that s₱anking at the hands of a beautiful goddess such as yourself has made me horny as Hell.” Dracul and Athena immediately went down to the stage floor underneath the Byzantium crescent moon and made wild ₱assionate love to one another. “That wasn’t called for in the scri₱t,” the ₱lay’s director the ghost of Orson Welles started to wee₱. Meanwhile outside the city of Astana Khazakhstan the ghost of Benito Mussolini (backed by the ghosts of his Blackshirts) called u₱on the ghosts inside the city of Astana Khazakstan to surrender. Just then the s₱ectral ghostly image of a s₱ectral wooden (made from the ghostly wood of the sacred oak to Odin/Wotan in Germany that was cut down by Saint Boniface) black Trojan unicorn (as o₱₱osed to a wooden Trojan horse) came outside the invisible s₱ectral gates of the city of Astana. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Friday October 28th 2O22.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Jasmine Hakimi and The Iranian Revolution To Overthrow The Ayatollahs’ Rule ₱lus Mussolini’s Ghost and The March On Astana

October 27, 2022 at 8:49 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Jasmine Hakimi had returned to Iran from London England in order to ₱lay a major role in the revolution to to₱₱le the des₱otic tyrannical regime of the Ayatollahs. Three years ago she left Iran to seek em₱loyment in England. She got a job with the Set Enter₱rises Intelligence Unit where she was ₱ersonally trained by Miss Miranda Singh who was Set Enter₱rises’ to₱ intelligence agent. Miss Jasmine Hakimi also received extensive training from Miss Sherrielock Holmes who was the quite literally immortal twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes. Back on Se₱tember 16th of this year 2O22 a 22-year-old Iranian woman named Mahsa Amini was brutally murdered by Iran’s so-called Morality ₱olice for su₱₱osedly not wearing her hijab ₱ro₱erly. Her death had caused 6 weeks of ₱rotests that had now become a full-fledged revolution. A Calgary based geo₱olitical analyst friend of British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield (Mr. Renfield was a former em₱loyee of Set Enter₱rises) had said this WOULD BE the autumn that would oversee the to₱₱ling and overthrow of the des₱otic tyrannical regime of the ayatollahs. A ₱iece of good news in what otherwise has been a year of universally abysmal bad news. So Miss Jasmine Hakimi had returned home to Iran to ₱artici₱ate in the ₱eo₱le’s Revolution that would overthrow the regime established by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. On the bad news front an evil Arabian djinn had managed to convince Hades the ruler of the Underworld to grant a dis₱ensational release from the Realm of Hades to the ghosts of Italy’s Fascist former dictator Benito Il Duce Mussolini and his Blackshirts. It was 1OO years ago today (back on October 27th 1922) that Mussolini and his Blackshirts launched the March On Rome. The March On Rome eventually resulted in Italy’s King Victor Emmanuel III naming Benito Mussolini the ₱rime Minister of Italy and the so-called Revised Roman Em₱ire of the Fascists had begun. Now on October 27th 2O22 Mussolini and his Blackshirts were ₱lanning a march on Astana Kazakhstan because rumours floating around the Underworld (initiated by the demon ₱hoenix Diabolicus) said that Astana Kazakhstan would become the first ca₱ital of a truly One World government in recorded history. It would be followed by Jerusalem as World Ca₱ital but Astana would be the first. So the ghost of Mussolini, su₱₱orted by the ghosts of his Blackshirts, was seeking to take over Astana in a 2O22 March on Astana on the 1OOth Anniversary of the 1922 March On Rome. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Thursday October 27th 2O22.

Permalink 10 Comments

Sherrielock Holmes of The Autumn Leaves

October 25, 2022 at 9:02 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes of the autumn leaves

Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of world-famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was walking through St. James’ Park in London enjoying the autumn leaves.

Suddenly she heard the sound of someone slipping on a leaf and falling on their behind.

It turned out to be former British Prime Boris Johnson.

“Mr. Johnson,” said Sherrielock, “A Liz Truss devalued penny for your thoughts?”.

“I wasn’t able to garner enough support among MPs in my party to stage a comeback and become Conservative Party leader again and thus Prime Minister,” said Johnson as his hair blew wildly in the wind.

“What happened there?” Sherrielock inquired.

“Well there were lots of MPs who were willing to sign my nomination papers but only if I promised to name Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering a position he held in my Brexit cabinet in the autumn of 2019,” Johnson noted.

“Well Renfield was really the brightest star in your Autumn Brexit cabinet of 2019,” Sherrielock pointed out, “He was the one who came up with the compromise on the Irish Border Question that the Prime Minister of the Republic of Ireland agreed to. Why wouldn’t you name him again?”.

“Well because he’s offended the Biden Administration and he isn’t exactly a favourite with the new King His Majesty King Charles III,” Johnson explained.

“What has Renfield done to offend the Biden Administration?” Sherrielock asked.

“The bigger question is… what hasn’t he done to offend the Biden Administration?” A comb blew into Johnson’s hair from the strong wind and he struggled to get it out.

“Specifics, Mr. Johnson,” Sherrielock was stern like the professional dominatrix she was, “Specifics.”

“Well last week in a podcast Renfield called for the assassination of the U.S.’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland,” Johnson answered, “so now Garland has had to bring charges against Chinese Intelligence agents in order to convince the U.S. electorate that he isn’t a Communist just two weeks prior to the mid-term elections. And Xi Jinping is pissed about that. Hunter Biden has already got his free weekly piece of tail cut off from a CCP run call girl ring in Washington D..C. And Joe will never be allowed to sniff actress Gong Li’s hair ever again.”

“And what about King Charles III not like liking Renfield?” Sherrielock wanted to know.

“Charles once overheard Renfield at a party say that he thought Charles’ second and current wife Camilla looked like a horse,” Johnson answered, “Although the next day Renfield did issue an apology… to horses.”

“I guess that would be a good reason for the King not liking Renfield,” Sherrielock admitted.

Rishi Sunak the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom walked by, “I say would the two of you care to join me in a cup of tea?”.

Sherrielock’s eyes twinkled, “Do you really think there’s room for the three of us?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 25th

Permalink 9 Comments

Athena At The St. James’ Court Hotel In Lndon

October 18, 2022 at 9:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Athena at the St. James’ Court Hotel in London

The Greek goddess Athena was in London at the St. James’ Court Hotel where she would be attending a Johann Strauss style Viennese ball.

Her date for this evening would be Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

In addition to dancing, they would also be discussing geopolitical affairs as they danced.

When Dracul Van Helsing entered the ballroom, he was confronted by this vision.

As they danced to the music of the Blue Danube, the goddess and the vampire hunter discussed the Russia-Ukraine War and the possibility of nuclear war.

“The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the owner of Set Enterprises here in London has been working behind the scenes to prevent nuclear war,” Dracul explained, “The same cannot be said for Isis, Osiris and their son Horus and their Freemasonic and Neo-Bolshevik Communist allies and the puppet whose strings they pull senile old fool Joe Biden who are all gung ho for nuclear war.”

“I guess they figure it’s a lot easier to Build Back Better when a few atomic mushroom clouds are decorating the landscape of the atmosphere,” Athena mused aloud.

“Set is dealing personally with operations against Isis, Osiris, Horus and Joe Biden,” Dracul nodded, “While his former employee the British MP Renfield R. Renfield is overseeing operations against Vladimir Putin so he doesn’t start a nuclear war.”

“And how’s that going?” Athena inquired.

“Well first we tried diplomacy,” Dracul noted, “We sent over the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to try to talk to him diplomatically but he made a pass at her and so the whole thing failed. She kicked him right where it hurt. So Putin was unable to emerge from the meeting waving a condom in his hand and saying, “Piece in our time.” Diplomacy was over.”

“And then what was the next method of persuasion?” Athena smiled.

“We tried extortion and blackmail,” Dracul replied, “The good old Raymond “Red” Reddington of The Blacklist TV show approach. I managed to obtain some compromising photos of Putin in compromising positions with high-priced escort call girls at The Catherine The Great Hotel Hilton in downtown Moscow. Renfield sent over the ghost of Orson Welles to the Kremlin with those compromising photos in a spectral violin case. Welles said to Putin those photos would be released to both Russia and the world in the event he launched a nuclear attack on anyone.”

“And what was Putin’s response?” Athena wanted to know.

“Putin just laughed,” Dracul answered, “And said those photos would increase his popularity among the Russian people. Showing how young and virile he was for a 70-year-old leader.”

“As opposed to dementia and paving the way for a massive diaper shortage in the U.S. in Joe Biden’s case,” Athena acknowledged.

“Exactly,” Dracul agreed.

“So, what is your next strategy?” Athena was curious.

“Well, “diplomacy stunk” to paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. And “extortion stunk” to again paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. So now is the time to bring in the “big guns” which are “tomatoed buns”. We plan to send over world-famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato Vladimir Putin’s buttocks until he agrees to end the war in Ukraine,” Dracul explained.

“But how will Sherrielock get into Russia?” Athena asked, “It is my understanding that the Russian Air Defense Ministry have Dominatrixes preeminently pinpointed on their radar screens?”.

“Well, Sherrielock used to own an immortal white horse called Excalibur Lightning,” Dracul noted, “This horse could travel the world at lightning speed. Unfortunately at the outbreak of World War I in August 1914, the German secret service and the German Navy horsenapped Sherrielock’s horse and took it aboard a German u-boat and sailed to the waters of Canada’s High Arctic where it was said they buried it under a medieval Norse temple to the Norse goddess Freya. They did it to prevent Sherrielock Holmes riding over to Germany and tomatoing the buttocks of the Kaiser Wilhelm II to quickly end that war.”

“And has this horse been found?” Athena inquired.

“Yes, a team sent out by Set Enterprises happened to find it yesterday,” Dracul was pleased to announce.

An idiotic apologist for Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel kept throwing angry glances in Dracul Van Helsing’s direction.

The idiot Hynkel apologist whose name was Socrates1234 (because that was the highest he could count) went over to the punch bowl to pour himself a glass of punch.

Harvey Tallbanger the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit and secret agent for Set Enterprises put several drops of hemlock into the idiot Hynkel apologist Socrates1234’s glass of punch.

The idiot Hynkel apologist dropped dead on the spot after drinking the hemlock laced glass of punch.

Since he had no ID on him, he was taken to a charity paupers’ funeral home where his memorial service was presided over by an Ashkenazi Jewish rabbi.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Tuesday October 18th

Permalink Leave a Comment

Freya, Chiron and Nanook Tulok

October 17, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Norse goddess Freya in a temple in Canada’s high Arctic

The Greek centaur Chiron and the mysterious Inuit supernatural being Nanook Tulok were surprised to see a Norse temple in Canada’s High Arctic.

They were even more surprised to see the Norse goddess Freya standing inside the temple.

“Freya, what are you doing here?” An astonished Chiron asked the Norse goddess Freya who was Queen of the Valkyries.

“I might ask the same of you, oh great and noble centaur,” Freya answered, “your homeland was originally ancient Greece and then Zeus placed you among the constellations when you renounced your immortality in favour of Prometheus.”

“He also renounced his immortality to get rid of the pain of the poisoned arrow that Hercules accidentally shot into him,” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was along for the sleigh ride with Chiron and Nanook Tulok) pointed out.

Yaldabaoth had been bathing in geothermal baths outside Reykjavik Iceland in order to get rid of the smell of a volcanic bubble explosion in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming that he had been involved in.

When Yaldabaoth saw Chiron and the upright standing on two legs giant polar bear Nanook Tulok who could talk in 153 different languages pull up in their sleigh pulled by 9 magic reindeer (they are not the same magic reindeer that pull Santa’s sleigh), Yaldabaoth asked if he could go along for the ride.

Chiron and the walking talking polar bear agreed.

“So what are you fellows up to?” Yaldabaoth asked the centaur and the polar bear after he had bought a dozen popsicles and fudgesicles from a Good Humour Ice Cream man who was riding a bicycle buit for two while the speaker on his ice cream selling bicycle played that old song A Bicyle Built For Two.

The Good Humour Ice Cream man also gave Yaldabaoth a daisy flower and an autographed photo of Donald Trump to accompany the dozen popsicles and dozen fudgesicles.

“We’re on a mission for Set Enterprises in London,” Chiron replied.

“You don’t say?” Yaldabaoth unwrapped both a popsicle and a fudgesicle and stuck both in his mouth, “I occasionally do freelance work for them.”

“We’re here to find where soldiers in the army of Kaiser Wilhelm II buried an immortal horse,” Nanook Tulok polished his crossbow, “The archives of World War I German Intelligence indicate they buried it somewhere in Canada’s High Arctic.”

“An immortal horse?” Yaldabaoth opened a small jar of horseradish and put it on his popsicle and fudgesicle.

“His name is Excalibur Lightning,” Chiron the centaur explained as he polished his crossbow, “He became immortal after eating some Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms along with some hay, potatoes and horseradish. He belongs to world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) who also became immortal after eating a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom milkshare both prepared and made by the world famous French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher.”

“Excalibur Lightning is the fastest horse on the planet,” Nanook Tulok added as he ate some sushi, “When Great Britain and her Empire declared war on Germany on August 4th 1914, the German General Staff were terrified that Sherlock and Sherrielock’s older brother Mycroft called back into government service after 2 years of retirement might call upon Sherrielock to ride Excalibur Lightning over to Germany and then tomato Kaiser Bill’s buttocks with her riding crop in an effort to get him to pull his troops out of Belgium and France thus ending the war on the Western Front. So using a sleeping potion invented by the Kaiser’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (himself immortal as a result of being struck by lightning while attempting to climb the hilltop castle of Castle Frankenstein (Burg Frankenstein) in the Odenwald overlooking the city of Darmstadt in Germany), German spies put the noble immortal horse Excalibur Lightning to sleep and then placed him aboard a German U-Boat The Valkyrie that had sailed up the River Thames. The Valkyrie then sailed back down the Thames where it entered the North Sea. It then began a long sea and ocean voyage to Canada’s high Arctic. Where it apparently buried the horse underneath a Norse temple to Freya. We find it hard to believe that there is a Norse temple to Freya in Canada’s high Arctic but it is possible that the medieval Norse did sail west of Greenland through Arctic waters.”

“Dr. Nicht Werhoffen?” Yaldabaoth scratched his beard, “I think there’s a Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who works as a scientist for the Russian FSB.”

“That’s the same fellow,” Chiron nodded, “He worked for the Kaiser’s intelligence service during World War I, became a maker of Bavarian sausages after the Kaiser’s abdication in 1918, continued in that profession throughout the 1920s and early 1930s, then with the death of German President Paul von Hindenburg on August 2nd 1934 and Adolf Hitler combining the offices of President and Chancellor into the office of Fuhrer on August 19th 1934 with himself as Fuhrer making himself the dictator and absolute ruler of Germany proclaiming both a Third Reich and a Thousand Year Reich, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a scientist for Nazi Third Reich German Intelligence. Following the defeat of Nazi Germany in 1945, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a cigarette and nylon stocking smuggler in Berlin, then East Germany or the German Democratic Republic was created on October 7th 1949 and the East German Stasi was founded on February 8th 1950. Dr. Nicht Werhoffen immediately started working for the East German Stasi that same day. It was also the same day that Dr. Nicht Werhoffen mailed a pair of poison laced nylon stockings to American FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover. The nylon stockings were laced with the same poison that Hercules accidentally shot me with from his arrow- the blood of the Hydra. The poisoned nylon stockings arrived in Hoover’s office on February 24th 1950 (exactly 72 years before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine). Fortunately for Mr. Hoover, the poisoned nylon stockings were first tried on by the FBI director’s temp secretary an eccentric Australian who called himself Uncle Ernie. Uncle Ernie is apparently immortal himself (although no one is sure of the exact source of Uncle Ernie’s immortality) and surprisingly the poison caused no pain to Uncle Ernie (although this may be due to his heavy use of psychedelic and hallucinogenic drugs). Uncle Ernie then got runs in the pair of stockings after running around Washington while being chased by a young drunken Congressman John F. Kennedy (who was thorougly bombed out of his mind at the time). The stockings were thus thrown away and sucked up by a Hoover vaccuum cleaner rather than being tried on by Mr. Hoover. And then of course after West and East Germany were united on October 3rd 1990, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then went to work for the Soviet KGB. Following Mikhail Gorbachev’s December 25th Christmas Day 1991 dissolution of the USSR, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then got a job distilling vodka for then Russian President Boris Yeltsin’s personal supply. After working up an unbelievable amount of overtime pay, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then started working as a scientist for the Russian FSB when it was created on April 3rd 1995.”

“That’s quite the biographical detail,” Yaldabaoth opened up a can of Guinness.

Freya listened to Chiron’s and Nanook Tulok’s account of why they were here while Yaldabaoth finished the last of his 365 day supply of Guinness beer (that he managed to consume in one day).

“So the question we have for you, your Norse Majesty,” Chiron asked the beautiful Freya, “Is do you have a white horse buried under your Temple?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 17th

Permalink 2 Comments

Sherrielock Holmes In October 1939

October 6, 2022 at 10:51 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes wearing a white dress, white hat, white silk stockings and white spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes about to board and ride a bicycle on the cobblestone streets of London in October of 1939.

The Phoney War was the name given to the period between September 3rd 1939 (the date Britain and France declared war on Germany following the September 1st 1939 Nazi invasion of Poland) and May 10th 1940 when France and the Low Countries (Belgium, Holland and Luxembourg) were attacked by Germany.

Because other than a brief French military offensive in Germany’s Saar district in September 1939 from which the French quickly withdrew, there was no real actual warfare going on between the Anglo-French Alliance and Germany during the autumn, winter and early spring of 1939-40.

It was mainly economic warfare going on plus a naval blockade.

The only fighting going on during that time period was between the “peace loving peoples of the Soviet Union” (to quote Soviet Stalinist propaganda) and the nation of Finland whom peace-loving Josef Stalin had attacked in November of 1939.

The Winter War (as the First Soviet-Finnish War was called) that began on November 30th 1939 ended with the Moscow Peace Treaty on March 13th 1940.

And now to the subject of the painting above.

And also below.

The date was October 6th 1939.

London England.

It was into the first week of the second month of the Phoney War.

And Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) was wearing white.

Which was unusual for Sherrielock Holmes.

Why was it unusual for Sherrielock Holmes?

Because usually she wore black.

And why did she wear black?

Because she was a dominatrix by profession.

Which was why her twin brother Sherlock Holmes (and his biographer Dr. Watson and Dr. Watson’s fellow medical colleague and fellow writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle) tried to keep Sherrielock as little known as possible.

Most of her clients were turned on by black leather skirts, black silk nylons and black (or red) spiked stiletto high heels.

But today she was wearing white.

She had been asked by friends to teach Sunday School at a Church in London and so she was off to an official job interview with the parish vicar for the position.

So today she was wearing white.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 6th

Permalink Leave a Comment

Isabelle Rocher and The Ghost of Prof. James Moriarty

October 4, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Isabelle Rocher or Brigitte Bardot?

The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London was having a photo exhibit of original photos of European actresses.

On this particular early October evening (it had been exactly 3 years since the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis had brought an idol of the demoness Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens to help open the Vatican Synod On The Amazon) it just so happened that the ghost of Prof. James Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy) was wondering the streets of London.

Hades had granted Moriarty’s ghost a dispensational release from the Realm of the Underworld at the request of the demoness Pachamama.

Moriarty’s ghost noticed The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery and decided to enter.

He stared intently at a photograph of noted French actress Brigitte Bardot.

He kept saying over and over again, “Isabelle Rocher, Isabelle Rocher.”

“No,” Dashwood Forrest the owner of the gallery approached the ghostly spectral leader, “That’s Brigitte Bardot the famous French actress.”

“She looks exactly like my French mistress Isabelle Rocher,” the brilliant mathematician and criminal mastermind was astounded at the resemblance, “although I never saw her wear a skirt that looked like that. If I had, I’d have probably got hornier and had sex with her a lot sooner.”

“When did this Isabelle Rocher live?” Dashwood Forrest inquired.

“Back in the 19th Century,” Moriarty replied.

“No not many women wore skirts that looked like that back in the 19th Century,” Dashwood Forrest admitted, “save possibly women who worked in the inside of bordellos.”

“I had fled to Latin America when she told me that she was pregnant,” Moriarty recalled, “And when I returned to France, I discovered that she had given birth to a son called Louis. They left Paris and went to the French countryside somewhere. I could never track them down. I saw Louis’ baptismal certificate and she had listed the father as unknown. So I imagine he took his mother’s last name for his own. Louis Rocher would have been his name.”

“There was a famous French scientist called Dr. Louis Rocher who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed,” Dashwood Forrest recalled.

“The Red Baron?” Moriarty’s ghostly face looked quizzical.

“I’ll explain the history later,” Forrest was familiar with entertaining the dead as he once had had an Irish zombie named Mulligan as a manservant.

“And did this Dr. Louis Rocher have any offspring?” Moriarty inquired.

“He did,” Forrest nodded, “In fact his great- grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher is the chief scientist for Set Enterprises here in London.”

“I wonder who Louis Rocher’s wife was?” Prof. James Moriarty mused aloud.

“Sherrielock Holmes,” Forrest answered.

Moriarty’s jaw dropped, “Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister?”.

“That’s her,” Forrest nodded.

“You mean I have descendents that have both Holmes and Moriarty blood in them?” Prof. Moriarty was shocked out of his skull.

In fact Moriarty had carried his skull with him out of Hades and had now dropped it on the art gallery floor.

At that moment British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the quite literally immortal Sherrielock Holmes (she had once consumed Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms on one occasion that had made her immortal) entered the gallery.

“Prof. Moriarty!” Sherrielock exclaimed in surprise as she recognized the ghost.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 4th

Permalink 10 Comments

Next page »