Sherrielock Holmes On All Saints Day

November 1, 2019 at 10:33 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes On All Saints’ Day

From left to right- Estella, her husband British MP Samuel Poundsworth and Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known but immortal twin sister of Sherlock Holmes)

“It is what it is,” Sherrielock Holmes remarked to British MP Samuel Poundsworth and his wife Estella.

Sherrielock was visiting the Poundsworth estate in northern England on this November 1st in 1936.

MP Winston Churchill was also a guest.

Earlier that evening, the four had attended an All Saints Day service at a church not far from the Poundsworth Estate.

After the service, as the four walked back to the estate, Churchill had remarked, “I don’t know if Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler is THE Antichrist but he’ll be as close to the Antichrist as you can get in our times.”

Poundsworth and his wife said nothing.

They had encountered Churchill’s rants about Hitler many times before.

In fact the entire British Conservative Party caucus under Stanley Baldwin was getting very sick of Winnie’s constant harping on the subject.

Sherrielock said nothing either but secretly she agreed with Churchill’s assessment on the subject.

That night Poundsworth and his wife heard a commotion coming from one of the guest bedrooms- Sherrielock’s room.

They entered and saw Winnie putting his dressing robe on.

He hurried across the hall to his own room, grabbed an easel, a canvas, his paints, a small chair and a very very extra comfortable cushion and announced he was going outside to do some nighttime painting.

Estella and Samuel looked at Sherrielock.

Sherrielock smiled and said, “It is what it is.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 1st
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

October 9, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy was interviewing British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

They were discussing major happenings from around the world.

“Now, my first question to you, Mr. Renfield,” Geeta began, “does not involve strictly a political matter. However it has caused a great deal of controversy around the world and does involve a major global institution. The issue is of course the claim made by Italian journalist Eugenio Scalfari in today’s issue of La Republicca newspaper that Pope Francis does not believe in the incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. What is your reaction?”.

“Well if Scalfari’s claims are true,” Renfield answered, “then we have the 2019 answer to that old question, Is the Pope Catholic? And that answer is, he isn’t.”

“Now regarding the situation in northern Syria,” Geeta went on, “Is it true that you sent your own personal Army Brigade of Gurkas over there to fight alongside the Kurds against Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s invading forces?”.

“It’s true,” Renfield answered as he ate a donair.

“And what do you think Erdogan has in mind in invading northern Syria?” Geeta queried.

“Well,” Renfield wiped his mouth with a napkin, “Erdogan’s attitude is if genocide was good enough for the Armenians in 1915, then it’s good enough for the Kurds in 2019.”

Renfield’s statement was met with a visceral reaction by the Turkish Ambassador in London who sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later when Renfield got home and was informed of the Turkish Ambassador’s note, Renfield thought to himself, “The Turkish Ambassador has obviously got his knickers in a knot.”

He immediately called the Sherrielock Holmes Dominatrix Agency to unknot the Turkish Ambassador’s knickers for him.

Later that night, the Turkish Ambassador was ambushed by 4 dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

Geeta then asked Renfield, “What is your reaction to former Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt’s severe criticism of the Johnson government’s handling of Brexit that he made during a heated exchange in the European Parliament today?”.

“It made me seriously wonder whether we the British were correct in coming to the defence of Belgium back in 1914 when the Kaiser’s Germany invaded the country,” Renfield ate a plate of sauerkraut and sausages, “After all the evil Belgian King Leopold II committed genocide against 10 million Africans when he established a colony in the Congo not to mention robbing that country of most of its wealth thus making Belgium the wealthy spoiled brat country that it is today. We have to seriously ask ourselves was it worth it for the British Empire to declare war on Germany to come to Belgium’s defence thus setting in motion the First World War (with its resulting 4 years of horrific bloodshed) when had we ignored Belgium’s plight, the conflict would have remained strictly a European conflict rather than become a world wide conflict? Was it worth all that bloodshed to come to the aid of a country that is home to the world’s worst makers of Belgian waffles?”.

Renfield’s comment was met with a vitriolic reaction by the Belgian Ambassador to London who likewise sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later that night, the Belgian Ambassador was likewise ambushed by 4 leather skirted dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 9th
2019.

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Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

September 2, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

A Fox News crew was up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada to see how world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was spending his Labour Day Monday.

They noted Pan Goatee walking up to his neighbourhood shopping mall where he beheaded an ugly female cyclist on the way.

“On a bicycle now built for none,” Pan Goatee sang a very old song whose tune was only now heard on Ice Cream Trucks music speakers.

He then went to the Food Court and ordered himself a submarine sandwich.

He then ate the sub while reading Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

He wondered how Captain Nemo ended up a Disney animated film fish cartoon character.

He then left the mall where he encountered a fat ugly blimp carrying a terrified and screaming small child.

He beheaded the fat ugly blimp while whistling the tune to that old Second World War song “We’ll hang out our washings on the Siegfried Line…”

The small child was very grateful to get away from the fat ugly ogre as he ran away screaming down the street.

The Pan Goatee clip was followed on Fox News by a Tucker Carlson commentary in which Carlson said that Labour Day was a plot by the working classes to enslave wealthy capitalist entrepreneurs into paying them holiday pay if they had to work on the first Monday in September.

Carlson ended the commentary by smoking a marijuana joint and then shooting out the lens of the cameras by firing a semi-automatic pistol he had purchased at Wal-Mart a few hours earlier.

. . .

Air headed representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had spent her Labour Day weekend publishing tweets in which she criticized the “supposed” masculinity (her words) of straight males proud of their heterosexuality.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield (a proud heterosexual) decided to get his revenge on the air headed representative for the aptly named Queens district in New York City.

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thought she could act like a leftist female equivalent of Donald Trump and be prone to making idiotic statements in public, she’d have to face the wrath of Renfield.

Renfield had heard from his spy network in New York City that the airhead would be taking part in a Father James Martin SJ blessed Gay Pride Parade in her congressional district.

Renfield sent drones over the parade as the airhead (burning her bra with a pink candle) marched at the front.

As the airhead suddenly realized that she should have probably taken her bra off first before setting fire to it, the drones began playing on their loudspeakers Renfield R. Renfield singing in a Johnny Cash style voice his own paraphrased version of an old Johnny Cash song,

“Sodomites and their supporters got thrown into a burning Lake of Fire,
And they went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns 
The Lake of Fire,
The Lake of Fire…”

. . .

Anubis the Egyptian god of death and the son of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had become reconciled with his estranged father this past Thursday and had celebrated the commemoration of the beheading of Saint John the Baptist with his dad by participating in eating some live crocodiles wrapped in freshly made giant sushi rolls.

Anubis was now leading British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas in a raid on Jeffrey Epstein’s Zorro Ranch in New Mexico.

They were looking for the living disembodied heads of 12 Nazi SS officers.

Suddenly Anubis and the Gurkhas found themselves under attack by Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos.

It looked like Mossad and the Israelis would win the battle even against accomplished Gurkhas.

However Sherrielock Holmes and the Dragon Sisters of the Dragon Sisterhood of The Plumed Phoenix Dragon arrived on the scene.

They pulled down the pants of the Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos and tomatoed their buns.

The Mossad operative in charge, Star of Azazel, called a hasty retreat.

The 12 heads would end up in the possession of Set Enterprises as a result of the bun tomatoing inflicted on these errant sons of Jacob.

. . .

A black and white vision of the late film director Alfred Hitchcock appeared to Pope Francis
as he lay in bed:


Hitchcock spoke these words unto Pope Francis, “And Judas Iscariot went out and hanged himself. Go thou and do likewise.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 2nd 
2019.

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Renfield Discusses The Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein

August 26, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Biarritz G-7 Summit, Trump Proposes To Nuke Hurricanes and Prince Andrew Issues Statement On Epstein 

“As Britain’s new Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering, why weren’t you at the G-7 Summit in Biarritz, France?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield.

“Because Trump Administration officials objected to my being there,” Renfield answered.

“In the name of God (who isn’t Donald Trump), why?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were afraid that I’d punch the living daylights out of Donald Trump,” Renfield put on a pair of dark sunglasses.

“And would you have done so?” Amadeus questioned.

“Oh probably,” Renfield replied.

“I see Trump skipped the session where they discussed Climate Change,” Amadeus noted.

“He did, the silly ass,” Renfield acknowleged.

“And even though he wasn’t at the summit, I see Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro the Donald Trump of South America insulted Emmanuel Macron’s wife because summit host Macron convinced the G-7 nations to send money and equipment to help fight the massive Amazon rainforest fires,” Amadeus quoted an article.

“Yes, Bolsonaro was babbling about neo-colonialism, the silly ass,” Renfield sipped his glass of whisky, “forgetting that the Amazon rainforests are vitally important to the future of the entire planet. It’s because of stupid ass extreme nationalists of the Donald Trump style variety such as Bolsonaro that the peoples of the world might seriously consider getting rid of all forms of national sovereignty and pave the way for a one world government which would probably inevitably become an all encompassing Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Maoist global totalitarian state. So because of the Amazon rainforest fires, we might end up with a one world government and then with the upcoming Vatican Synod On The Amazon in October, we might end up with a one world religion.”

“Setting up the stage for the arrival of the False Prophet and the Antichrist,” Amadeus shivered.

“Just in time for next year’s G-7 summit to be held at Trump’s Doral Florida golf resort,” Renfield reflected, “Which reminds me I should really start working on my golf swing. His secret service agents used to joke that the late former U.S. President Gerald Ford might have made a truly deadly assassin with the way he hit his golf balls.”

. . .

Donald Trump informed the members of the press present, “I’ve asked our best government scientists to look into the possibility of using nuclear weapons to destroy hurricanes before they reach landfall.”

A bunch of toy glass marbles fell out of Trump’s pocket as he made the suggestion.

“Excuse me,” Donald Trump got down on the ground and started picking them up, “I seem to have lost all my marbles.”

. . .

Prince Andrew was standing at the top of the steps in front of a London repertory movie theatre which was showing the 1942 Classic Hollywood film Casablanca.

He was looking down at the news media on the steps below.

The Prince was standing next to a man who was dressed up as the Claude Rains movie character of Captain Louis Renault.

Said the Prince to the media, “I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you to find out that Jeffrey Epstein was a pedophile!”.

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes happened to be walking by at the time and she used one of her spiked stiletto heels to kick the non-illustrious Prince Andrew in the seat of the pants.

The kick sent the Prince tumbling down the steps and then tumbling down the sidewalk and then tumbling down the street where he fell down an open sewer hole.

After the Prince landed, he came face to face with a huge sewer rat.

The rat glared at him as if it were saying to itself, “Why of all the rat holes in all the world did he have to fall down this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday August 26th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes and The Raven

August 25, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Gothic, Gothic romance, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes and The Raven

The year was 1899.

And Sherrielock Holmes (the dominatrix lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) was walking in the park with her scientist husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who, unbeknownst to both, was in fact the illegitimate son of the evil Prof. James Moriarty).

Dr. Rocher was demonstrating his latest invention – a camera capable of taking colour photos.

He took a picture of Sherrielock with a boastful talking raven who claimed to be the inspiration behind Edgar Allan Poe’s 1845 poem The Raven (a claim which if true the raven looked very good for his age).

He then took a picture of Sherrielock with a guinea pig.

Sherrielock was told by the raven that a close friend of the guinea pig- a red fox (who was a vegetarian- rare for his species) was in mortal danger.

The next day Sherrielock and Louis went to nearby woods and parkland to foil the fox hunt led by the notorious British fox hunter Lord Plumelington of Nausea in an effort to save the life of the guinea pig’s friend.

Lord Plumelington who was a practitioner of the dark arts had invoked Njord the Norse god of the winds to stop anyone from opposing his fox hunt.

Winds and water encircled Sherrielock like a typhoon.

A moment that Dr. Louis Rocher managed to capture on film.

And Sherrielock who was a skilled dominatrix became the first person in history to whip the wind.

She then jumped on a white horse and rode like the wind to upset Lord Plumelington of Nausea’s fox hunt sending his hounds scattering in every direction.

Sherrielock was indeed a true heroine and the fox was saved.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday August 25th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes Encounters A Mad Monk

August 13, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Encounters A Mad Monk

Sherrielock Holmes

World-famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes had been summoned to the office of British Prime Minister David Lloyd George on the advice of Winston Churchill.

She was to undertake an important mission to Russia on behalf of the British Empire and the British Intelligence Service.

She was flown to Russia by aeroplane flown by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher.

She arrived in Saint Petersburg and set out for Moika Palace the home of Prince Felix Yusupov.

There she would deal with a man whom British Intelligence considered a major threat to both the Russian Empire and the Entente War effort against Imperial Germany, the Ottoman Empire and the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

However she was late getting to Moika Palace because she found herself being accosted by a horny American diplomat from the U.S. Embassy in Saint Petersburg.

The horny leech’s name was McDonald Grump and he had been a crooked real estate salesman and property developer in New York City as well as a notorious bully and racist.

Sherrielock tried to be as polite as she could but the horny leech would not take no for an answer.

Finally she kicked Grump in the balls and left him on the street.

“I plan to send a nasty telegram in 140 words or less about this,” Grump called out.

“Frankly, I don’t give a tweet,” Sherrielock answered as she continued to walk down the street without looking back.

“But I do,” Grump snivelled, “and I’ll have you know that someone like me will probably become President of the United States someday.”

“Probably not for another 100 years,” Sherrielock continued to walk down the street in the early morning hours of December 30th (December 17th on the old Julian calendar) 1916.

When she arrived at the home of Prince Felix Yusupov, she thought she had arrived too late to help eliminate the Russian Czarist government’s problem.

The problem individual had been offered cyanide cakes and tea by the prince.

The “problem” ate the cakes and drank the tea.

Then the “problem” man asked for Madeira wine which had also been poisoned.

He drank 3 glasses but still showed no sign of distress.

Around 2:30 AM, Yusopov went upstairs, returned with a pistol and shot the “problem” in the chest.

The “problem” fell to the floor.

Yusupov left and returned later to dispose of the body.

The “problem” rose up and attacked him.

He then ran out to the palace courtyard where the “problem” was shot twice by one of Yusupov’s co-conspirators.

The problem collapsed into a snow bank.

The prince and his co-conspirators wrapped the problem up in a blanket, drove to the Petrovsky Bridge and dropped the body in the Malaya Nevka River.

Sherrielock by some sort of instinct decided to take a walk along the Malaya Nevka River.

A good thing she did because at one point the “problem” man got up out of the ice bound river and attacked her.


Sherrielock Holmes about to be attacked.

Sherrielock used her scorpion poisoned laced pink fingernail polished fingernails to scratch the man’s arms.

He fell to the ground.

She pulled the man’s pants down and proceeded to tomato his buttocks with her Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom laced and English malt vinegar laced cat o’ nine tails whip.

The man finally gave up the ghost after crying, “My butt hurts.”

Sherrielock then picked up the body of the “mad monk” Grigori Rasputin and threw it back into the River.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 13th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes: Adventure of The Derailed Train

July 11, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes: Adventure of The Derailed Train

Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) who was Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises had taken the train from London to Edinburgh.

But the train had derailed a few miles back.

No one was hurt but Sherrielock decided to walk to the nearest town and rent a car.

She had been hoping to be in Edinburgh by dinner time.

She might still make it if there was a Rent A Car place in the nearest town.

She decided to take the train because she didn’t feel like driving by car.

But as luck would have it, her train was derailed.

She suspected deliberate sabotage.

Last night she had got a text message from Harvey Tallbanger who was Set Enterprises’ top spy and secret agent.

Tallbanger had run into the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis in a restaurant atop the Eiffel Tower last night.

He suspected that Isis had something up her sleeve and was intending to make drastic moves against the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and his company Set Enterprises.

Sherrielock herself had been headed to an AI symposium in Edinburgh.

She decided last night to take the train after watching the 1946 movie Terror By Night (in which Basil Rathbone had played her brother in a film set in the 1940s which was actually a decade after her brother had died) in which Holmes and Watson ride the train from London to Edinburgh.

The title of the movie Terror By Night was taken from Psalm 91 verse 5 of the King James Version and was actually a reference to Lilith the ancient Babylonian vampiress, Sherrielock had been told by Church of England exorcist Rev. Fr. Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds.

Although Lilith herself never appeared in the film.

These days Lilith was involved in a campaign against the State of Israel (the vampiress was still livid over the fact that her good name had been libelled in the Babylonian Talmud).

And speaking of Israel, Sherrielock had received intelligence that Mossad’s most pre-eminent blackmailer of pedophiles in the U.S. political establishment had himself been re-arrested for pedophilia.

No doubt Mossad was anxious to get him out of jail and back on the streets again to continue to get Democratic and Republican politicians (a lot of whom seemed to have sexual perversions) back in the pockets of the Israeli lobby.

The Mossad agent, supposedly a billionaire hedge funds manager, even though nobody in the U.S. media seemed to know the name of the company he supposedly managed hedge funds for, was now in trouble with New York prosecutors whereas a dozen years ago he had been in trouble with Florida prosecutors.

“Love’s labour lost,” Sherrielock thought of that Florida prosecutor and his current position in the Trump Administration as she walked down the track.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 11th
2019.

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Atargatis and Van Helsing, Whitstable and Priyanka, Sherrielock Holmes and Maduro

February 23, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis in human form

The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis had shapeshifted into fully human form and was sitting in a luxury hotel suite in a swank New York City hotel in February of 1944.

A huge battle was currently going on between time travellers.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was battling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe officer Franz Kohler up and down the corridors of time and various epochs in history.

Kohler was using the technology of Die Glocke a bell shaped space-going and time travelling Nazi UFO like saucer craft.

Dracul Van Helsing was using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back and forth through time.

Also interfering in the time travelling war was the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being run by scientists who were indulging in far too much use of legalized recreational Canadian cannabis.

Also partaking in the pot inhalation was the Hindu god Shiva (whose statue was outside the CERN tunnel) who as a result was trying to conduct the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra into conducting a personal musical number that the deity was composing tentatively called Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

The first negative critic of the piece was Shiva’s wife Kali who was using all ten of her arms to cover her ears and when that didn’t work had fled to an artist’s studio on a quiet Greek island.

Now the conflict between Van Helsing and Kohler had turned to New York City in February 1944 a few months before the June D-Day Invasion of Normandy.

Van Helsing had just managed to evade arrest by Astana Kazakhstan police authorities for an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin and the supernatural entity Black Dragon of Beijing.

The vampire hunter did have an alibi in that he was being spanked by and having tantric sex with the vampiress Golgotha (vampiress daughter of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) at the time.

But the Astana Kazakhstan authorities were the type to torture first and ask questions later.

So Van Helsing pressed the button on his Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr protype magic lantern and found himself in New York City in February 1944.

As a result of Orson Welles one of the inventors of the Magic Lantern (whose prototype was finally completed by Austro-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr) loving to direct films in black and white, the world Van Helsing found himself in as he was time travelling was often in black and white.

“So, Mr. Van Helsing,” the human formed goddess Atargatis greeted him as he landed on her Persian rug in her elegant New York City suite, “I suppose you’re here to ask, where have I hidden the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident?”.

Van Helsing decided to engage in French kissing with the elegant black silk blouse and elegant white skirt wearing northern Syrian goddess instead.

As for the whereabouts of Poseidon’s trident… well that was all Greek to Van Helsing.

. . .


The mermaid Priyanka on the rocks at Vancouver’s English Bay.

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay.

He had spent the past couple of weeks traversing British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula trying to find Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been abducted by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of Fu Manchu) as vengeance for the Canadian arrest at Vancouver International Airport of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

The pot smoking cactus plant would be freed when Meng Wanzhou was fully freed.

The plant had been hidden in the pot smoke covered hippy village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian Age equivalent of Scotland’s mystical village of Brigadoon) on the Peninsula that had vanished off the face of the earth back in 1969 when Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for…” and there the transmission had ended when all the hippy commune members’ minds had blown simultaneously and the village had disappeared in a mystical marijuana laced mist of pot smoke.

The village/hippy commune only appeared once every 7 years for a single day and a single night.

Only supernatural entities such as vampiresses, gods and goddesses could access the village in the “meantime and in-between time” as an old Stampede Wrestling ring side announcer might phrase it.

Whitstable had hoped that by carrying the supernatural relic of the right hand middle finger of the last Knights-Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay (the same middle finger that de Molay had raised towards his papal interrogators and his French Royal Army captors as he was being burnt at the stake on the night of March 18th 1314) in his pocket that he’d be able to locate the elusive village/hippy commune but no such luck.

It would be another few years before the village/hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom appeared on its own again.

In the meantime Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was pulling his hair out (and might end up having to wear a toupee like his southern neighbour Donald Trump) until his pot smoking prickly little buddy Strawberry Fields Forever was returned to him.

As Whitstable approached the mermaid Priyanka leaning against a rock, he recognized her.

The mermaid might be able to help him with another case he was working on.

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon had recently reported to Interpol that his trident had been stolen.

“Excuse me, Priyanka,” Whitstable greeted the mermaid, “Do you know where Poseidon’s trident is?”.

. . .

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was in Caracas Venezuela on a mission for the British government.

British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee Co-Chairman Renfield R. Renfield had decided that drastic action must be taken against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro for Venezuelan Army soldiers gunning down innocent civilians who were trying to bring food and medical supplies across the Venezuelan-Brazilian border.

Sherrielock Holmes was across from Maduro’s Presidential Palace carrying a poison tipped umbrella.

The poison in the umbrella tip would render Maduro permanently impotent.

The only antidote to the “permanently impotent” poison would be a sperm transfusion from Donald Trump.

Something Maduro would be most reluctant to consider.

When Maduro left the palace, Sherrielock KO’d Maduro’s entire bodyguard with karate kicks.

She then injected the umbrella’s poisoned tip into Maduro’s penis.

The Venezuelan President was now permanently (as opposed to 95% of the time) impotent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 23rd
2019.

Meanwhile in the room next door in the swank New York City hotel in February 1944, the Norse goddess Freya had knocked out Franz Kohler with a bottle of French champagne.

“What a sad waste of French champagne!” Freya thought to herself.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday

January 6, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.

And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.

Twins.

A boy and a girl.

The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.

The girl would remain in the shadows.

One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.

And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.

She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.

She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.

By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.

Quite literally.

For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.

Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.

A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.

His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.

Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.


Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.


Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.

Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.

Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.

Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.

German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.

So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.

His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.

Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.

There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.

That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.

Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.

Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).

Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield

As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.

She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.

And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.

And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:

Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany

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Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

December 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…

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