Lepardia Marango and Dracul Van Helsing Enjoy An Evening of Bach and Vivaldi

April 4, 2019 at 10:35 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


Lepardia Marango: South African Cultural Attache and Dracul Van Helsing’s date for an evening of Bach and Vivaldi

Canadian vampire hunter Dracil Van Helsing had been given a pair of tickets to this evening’s London Philharmonic Concert entitled An Evening of Bach and Vivaldi.

MP Renfield R. Renfield had originally purchased the tickets for himself and his parliamentary colleague MP Morgana Fay Lee but they both had been invited to a dinner with British Prime Minister Theresa May tonight to discuss the new May-Corbyn Plan for Brexit (of which The Economist magazine had been given a sneak peak and had sent its editor into a state of orgasm).

Dracul Van Helsing decided to ask as his date for this evening Lepardia Marango who was the Cultural Attache at the South African Embassy in London:

Dracul Van Helsing picked her up in a 1939 Rolls-Royce Phantom III that had for its chauffeur Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

They enjoyed a steak and seafood dinner at the Savoy Hotel and then went to the concert.

As the orchestra was warming up, Lepardia and Dracul discussed the concert as they looked at the program sheets.

“I see the Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI is going to be singing Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring in the guest singer song recital with the orchestra tonight,” Dracul noted.

“Isn’t he a French politician?” Lepardia asked.

“Yes, he heads the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party and he won last place in a field of a dozen candidates in the last French Presidential election. Although he and his wife Medusa did win seats in the National Assembly for the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party,” Dracul answered.

“His wife Medusa?” Lepardia queried, “She’s the ex-Gorgon?”.

“That’s right,” Dracul nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands II gave her a haircut and removed all her snakes. I believe they were sent over to Ireland along with some dandruff remover on a Saint Patrick’s Day a while back. Medusa is now a beautiful woman again.”

“Didn’t he crown himself Emperor of France a few years back?” Lepardia inquired in relation to the Kraken.

“He did,” Van Helsing replied in the affirmative, “The only one who recognized the coronation was Pope Francis who did so in the hopes of providing greater inter-species cooperation on the planet.”

Lepardia and Dracul listened in rapture as all of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons were played.

They went out at intermission and enjoyed a glass of champagne.

An acquaintance of Miss Marango informed the duo that the dinner meeting with Theresa May had apparently and abruptly ended when Renfield had poured spaghetti and meatballs over the head of Baron Rothschild in a heated argument.

The pair then went into the auditorium for the 2nd half of the concert.

The final performance of the evening was the Kraken singing Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

The Kraken came out looking resplendent in a multi-armed and multi-legged tuxedo with aquamarine coloured bow tie.

He bowed to the audience’s applause and then proceeded to sing Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

Half-way into his recital, the Papal Nuncio to London Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus stood up in the audience and accused the Kraken of proselytism by singing a song with such lyrics.

Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus pointed out that Pope Francis had just declared proselytism a mortal sin on a recent visit to Morocco and the Kraken shouldn’t be doing such things.

The Kraken’s wife Medusa stood up in the audience and defended her husband pointing out that the Kraken was in fact a Scientologist as a result of a weekend seminar workshop he had attended with Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

Medusa then pointed out that she herself was a defrocked priestess of the Temple of Athena.

A London imam, who in fact had been enjoying the Kraken’s recital of Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring, proceeded to end the interruption by punching the lights out of Msgr. Eltonjohnus Oscarwildeus.

The papal nuncio to London was then carried out on a stretcher as he quietly hummed the Beatles’ song, “In an octopus’ garden in the shade…”

After the concert was over, Dracul and Lepardia then went to a quiet cafe for coffee and dessert.

The papal nuncio meanwhile was wheeled into the waiting room of a London hospital where coincidentally Renfield R. Renfield was sitting there waiting with a late Victorian/early Edwardian antique teapot stuck to his hand.

Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Morgana Fay Lee, “I feel so much like Rowan Atkinson’s Mr. Bean right now.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 4th
2019.

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Morgana and Dracul, Vampyra and The Kabbalistic Cardinal

February 28, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The Welsh Vampiress MP Morgana sitting on top of her coffin in an Estate’s private forest in London

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had gone to the Austenbronte Estate in London where the Welsh vampiress Morgana kept her coffin filled with her native Welsh soil.

He had received a phone call from her to meet her there.

As he approached her, she sat on her coffin smelling a flower she had found growing in the late February snow.

“Some flowers are blooming early,” Dracul remarked.

“And thistles aren’t far behind,” Morgana answered.

“And who are the thistles?” Dracul deduced that Morgana was speaking in code.

Morgana continued to smell the flower, “It was someone at the Vatican who sent those demon worshipping Tibetan Buddhist monks to try to cast a spell on my parliamentary colleague Renfield with their demon possessed musical instruments a few nights ago.”

“Yes, Renfield was forced to cancel attending last evening’s London premiere of the movie Captain Marvel because the Church of England’s leading exorcist Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was forced to perform an exorcism on Renfield’s container of Gillette Shaving Cream in Renfield’s bathroom last night,” Van Helsing noted, “although I’m surprised Renfield didn’t give up using that product weeks ago after that fruity Gillette commercial hit the TV airwaves back in January.”


Last night’s London premiere of Captain Marvel: Which Renfield was unable to attend due to a close encounter with a demon possessed container of Gillette Shaving Cream

“And would you like to know who gave the order for the Tibetan demonic attack on Renfield?” Morgana asked the vampire hunter.

“I would,” Dracul took out his notebook and his ink dipped raven feather quill pen.

“Someone who goes around the Vatican singing Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina,” Morgana smiled.

. . .

Samhain Cardinal Salaman lay in bed at the Vatican.

He hoped he wouldn’t be awakened again early in the morning by a certain bozo in white robes who went around singing the same song from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Evita every morning.

He fell asleep and dreamed he met the 1950s American TV horror movie hostess Vampyra who sat on a coffin and offered him a smoky concoction.

Cardinal Salaman eagerly drank the smoking potion.

He soon found himself transported to the Vatican Gardens where he encountered the gypsy vampiress Stephania Borgia:

Stephania Borgia informed him, “If you wish to be the next Pope, you’re going to have to convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.”

“Where am I going to find a Welsh werewolf?” The Kabbalistic magician cardinal asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 28th
2019.

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Hell Celebrates 6th Anniversary of Pope Benedict’s Resignation Announcement

February 11, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Newbridge in Wales MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana, “It looks like I may have to arrange to have Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles shot off with a semi-automatic weapon after all. I see The Manchester Guardian is reporting that the Pakistani government is refusing to let Christian woman and alleged Mohammed blasphemer Asia Bibi leave the country to join her daughters in Canada. I told that overrated cricket player they have for a national leader that unless he lets Asia leave Pakistan, his balls are toast.”

Renfield went to the washroom carrying the toilet paper he had ordered with pictures of the Prophet Mohammed on each sheet (he ordered it after reading the article).


DARPA Contract Assassiness Panty Goatee: Hired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to shoot off Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles with a semi-automatic weapon when she gets the text message from Renfield, “Cricket balls will be all that he has left to play with.”

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper the head of the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican opened his drawers trying to see if he could find his rolls of toilet paper that alternated between pictures of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary on each sheet.

The night before, Cardinal Kasper (the Unfriendly Unholy Ghost as he was called by nickname) had opened up another pair of drawers to let the combined incubus/succubus called the Baphomet “come shining through” as the Cyndi Lauper song True Colours played on a record player on a dressing table next to his bed.

Now a virtually unknown and extremely rare record of the late great Jimmy Durante singing a little known hit, “Do you have a pain-us in your anus?” was playing on the record player.

Cardinal Kasper stopped the gramophone.

The song hit a little too close for comfort as far as memories of his nighttime encounter with the Baphomet went.

The Cardinal then walked over to his iPhone X where he wrote a statement condemning the Manifesto of Faith written by Gerhard Cardinal Muller (the former Prefect of The Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith who had been appointed by Pope Benedict XVI in 2012 and fired by Pope Francis the Zero in 2017) and released this past weekend.

In the Manifesto of Faith, Cardinal Muller defended belief in the Trinity, the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ, the Sacraments, the moral law and the prospects of eternal life.

“These are not true Catholic doctrines,” Cardinal Kasper protested in a text message to Pope Francis.

Kasper opened the door to his personal bathroom where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s astral twin was in the bathtub sacrificing 91 snow white hares from the Bavarian Alps to a statue of Baal/Moloch sitting atop the Norman Bates autographed Bates Motel showerhead in the tub area.

“Oops, sorry to disturb,” the Cardinal apologized and closed the bathroom door.

Next door in the Cardinal’s private Saint Gallen Chapel of Saint Hecate and All Witches, the Baphomet was ensuring that what he considered a naughty Italian schoolgirl (for wearing a traditional Crucifix) remained standing in the corner.

. . .


The 3 Witches who appeared to MacBeth the Thane of Glamis and later Cawdor. From left to right, the witches are Baphometa (daughter of Baphomet), Kalilama (daughter of Kali and Shiva whose name became lost to time) and Hecatelena (daughter of Hecate whose name also became lost to time).

The 3 Witches had been sent back in time to the year 1040 AD by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to meet with MacBeth.

Today they were present in the Vatican Gardens and meeting with the ghost of Lady MacBeth as well as the astral twins of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and White House advisor Jared Kushner.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 11th
2019.

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Rahaf al-Qunun Granted Asylum In Canada

January 11, 2019 at 11:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield drank a toast in champagne with his fellow British Transhumanist Party caucus MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana over the fact that Saudi woman Rahaf al-Qunun was being able to toast her new found freedom in red wine aboard a flight from Bangkok Thailand (via Seoul South Korea) to Toronto.

Toasting her new found freedom in red wine would no doubt cause many extremist Wahhabi imams in Saudi Arabia to roll over in their soaked liquid filled mattresses (caused by nocturnal and daytime emissions brought about by visualized thoughts of the 72 dark eyed houri promised them).

Earlier this evening, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that the Canadian federal government would be granting refugee status to Miss Rahaf al-Qunun in Canada.

After having made the announcement, Justin spent a few minutes wondering about what had become of his beloved cannabis marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking and prickly little fellow had been kidnapped last month by Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of well known 1920s and ’30s mad scientist Dr. Fu Manchu of Sax Rohmer narrative fame) in retaliation for last month’s arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou by Canadian authorities on the orders of the “jealous because we’re lagging behind China in developing 5G networks” U.S. government.

Justin Trudeau missed conversing with the rather silent little fellow but more importantly missed the cannabis smoke exhaled by the greenhouse creature with the prickly disposition.

Inhaling all that smoke would allow him to converse with the ET gray Gali-Gula from planet Nibiru (who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).

For some reason, the Canadian Prime Minister was only able to see the odd looking and eccentric gray little creature when he had been inhaling pot.

Justin was seeking Gali-Gula’s advice on who he should get to replace Scott Brison as President of the Canadian Treasury Board next Monday.

As Renfield sipped the champagne (and wondered whether 2004 was a good year as far as the French champagne growers were concerned), he thought of his good friend the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was the pearl white sparkling incisors smiling vampirically immortal granddaughter of the late Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh.

Renfield and Ho had recently worked together in poisoning Apple CEO Tim Cook (again in retaliation for the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport).

Ho Babylon Minh was the one responsible for tonight’s happy conclusion in the Rahaf al-Qunun case.

When Rahaf al-Qunun had been detained by Thai authorities at Bangkok International Airport back on January 6th and a Saudi diplomat had confiscated her passport (no doubt with the same wanna be enthusiastic charm shown towards Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul back in October), Ho Babylon Minh had rushed to Thailand to converse with her friend the King of Thailand.

As a result of Ho’s intervention, Miss Rahaf’s deportation back to Saudi Arabia was delayed.

If Miss Rahaf had been sent back to Saudi Arabia, it would most likely have been a race between her family and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s rather extensively large diplomatic janitorial cleaning service to see who could kill her first.

The United Nations Commission on Human Rights intervened and granted Rahaf al-Qunun refugee status.

Causing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman to burst a blood vessel in his middle finger as he was examining plans for a Mark of the Beast system to be implemented for future citizens of his proposed autonomous NEOM economic zone along the Red Sea.

And now Rahaf al-Qunun was headed towards a new life in Toronto Canada.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was lying in bed when suddenly the ghost of Sir Laurence Olivier appeared in front of him.

Olivier was portraying the role of Tom Snout a character in William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Tom Snout was a tinker and one of the “mechanicals” of Athens an amateur theatre troupe putting on Pyramus and Thisbe a play within a play within A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Snout played the part of the wall separating Pyramus and Thisbe in Pyramus and Thisbe.

Olivier as Tom Snout as the Wall spoke thus,

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall…

With that a 219 inch colour TV built by Samsung appeared in mid-air.

“It may cost anywhere between $10,000 and $100,000
but far cheaper than $5.7 billion which only a knave and an ass would spend…”

Trump started screaming as his toupee suddenly became infested with the same black coloured crickets and cockroaches that had suddenly and mysteriously infested Mecca within the past few days.

Lexington his butler and valet entered the Presidential bedroom as Trump’s secret service bodyguards were fast asleep as they were no longer being paid due to the government shutdown.

“Is there something the matter, sir?” Lexington called out in the darkness.

“I’m having to shampoo my hair with a blow torch,” Trump cried back.

“Very good, sir,” Lexington closed the door and went back to bed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 11th
2019.


Rahaf al-Qunun: Off to a new life in Canada.

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Morgana: Playing The Role of A Vampiress of The Lodge

December 11, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Espionage, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Welsh vampiress Morgana dressed in a Spanish style gypsy black dress raised her skirt and pressed a spiked stiletto high heeled shoe down on top of the vampire hunter’s chest.

The pair were in a parkade in London, England and Morgana was about to show the Canadian underneath her feet that her shoes, like Nancy Sinatra’s boots in that old 1960s song, were meant for walking.

And they were going to walk all over him.

“Van Helsing,” she said, “we have ways of making you join the Illuminati.”

She then brought her paddle down… and down… and down.

“Cut,” the voice of film director Orson Welles’ ghost shouted, “that’s a rap.”

Like many of his films, Welles shot this one in black and white.

It was actually a short propaganda film being shot on behalf of both the British government and Set Enterprises.

The purpose of the film was to convince Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman, an Israeli cabinet minister, a leading cardinal adviser to Pope Francis and the Egyptian vampire Osiris (all of whom were Freemasons) that the Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was a member in good standing of the Grand Orient Lodge of France and was torturing Dracul Van Helsing into joining the Illuminati.

Both the British government and Set Enterprises were hoping that this would allow Morgana the opportunity of entering into the confidences of the homicidal Saudi Crown Prince, the warmongeringally inclined Israeli cabinet minister, the kabbalistic cardinal who was being groomed as Pope Francis’ papal successor and the Egyptian god of the dead and the underworld all of whom were planning to rebuild the Temple of Solomon on Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

The British government and Set Enterprises were hoping to discover how, when and why with Morgana as an informant.

Meanwhile as Morgana raised her Illuminati masonic lodge symbol decorated Spanish gypsy dress and lowered her black silk fishnet pantyhose, Dracul Van Helsing mounted her.

“Tantric sex, here you come again,” Orson Welles’ pet parrot Rosebob did his own paraphrased version of an old Dolly Parton song.

“Start filming again,” Orson Welles directed his camera crew, “Let’s see if I am capable of making the Citizen Kane of the porno film industry – Citizeness Cane.”

Orson Welles was still trying to exorcise the ghost of something that his former wife Rita Hayworth once said to him that led to their marital breakdown:


“All work and no play makes Orson a dull boy.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 11th
2018.

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How Renfield Spent Saint Nicholas’ Day

December 6, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had spent the morning at the Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Studios owned by music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell.

After the old time Christmas musical hit song Baby, It’s Cold Outside was deemed too politically incorrect for pot smoking self-proclaimed feminist Justin Trudeau’s Canada and was being pulled from being played on most Canadian radio stations over the Christmas season, Renfield recorded his own version of the song in a duet with the famous New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont.

He then used his hacking skills to hack into most Canadian radio stations’ play lists and inserted a code by which the song would be played every 20 minutes on radio.

He then hired a bunch of newly arrived immigrants in Canada who had trouble getting jobs to work and drive around in ice cream trucks where the song Baby, It’s Cold Outside would be played on the loudspeakers to let frozen Canadian neighbourhoods know that the ice cream truck was coming.

Afterwards he went down to the Westminster House of Commons to deliver a statement in Parliament on his British Transhumanist Party’s official position on the global trade, foreign and defense policies of the Trump Administration in Washington DC.

The Speaker of the House called on Renfield to make the statement, “I understand the Honourable Member for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds wishes to make his party’s official statement on the Trump Administration’s global trade, foreign and defense policies.”

“I do, Mr. Speaker,” Renfield rose to his feet, “Donald Trump is so full of crap that if you gave him an enema before he died, you could bury him in a cigar box.”

He then sat down again.

Renfield believed in making his speeches brief and to the point.

Later when he returned home, he phoned the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria.

Lenora was holding a group of Russian Navy sailors prisoner in the medieval dungeons of an old castle in Scotland.

They were being guarded by the ghost of the Black Douglas as well as a brigade of British Army Gurkhas.


The ghosts of Humphrey Bogart and Peter Lorre perform an Abbott and Costello comedy routine for the enjoyment of Russian Navy prisoners of Renfield.

The Egyptian cat goddess Bastet then sat on Renfield’s shoulder where the two discussed the Egyptian god/vampire Osiris’ stupidity in getting Hades the god of the Underworld to release the body and soul of French President Emmanuel Macron whom Krampus had dragged down to Tartarus last night.

After mutually agreeing on what an ass Osiris was, Renfield returned to his parliamentary office in Westminster.

There he received a phone call from Chinese President Xi Jinping on whether Renfield and his Brigade of Gurkhas would storm a Canadian prison to release Huawei’s chief financial officer Meng Wangzhou who had just been arrested at Vancouver’s airport and was awaiting extradition to the U.S. for violating Trump Administration sanctions against Iran.

As Xi and Renfield discussed the raid and rescue, his Transhumanist Party colleague and fellow MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana put a book away in the office bookshelf prior to going on a date with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 6th
2018.

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The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

July 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, painting, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.

The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.

The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞‍♀️ 🧞‍♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.

It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.

Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.

He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.

The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.

Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.

Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.

Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.

And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.

Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.

An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”

The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).

Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.

Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,

“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”

Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

He was stark naked.

For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.

As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.

Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.

When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.

The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.

Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.

As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.

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Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

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Morgana, Donald Trump, Maitreya, Pan Goatee and John McCain

March 20, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Morgana, Donald Trump, Maitreya, Pan Goatee and John McCain

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana (MP for Newbridge in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿) walked into this evening’s caucus meeting of the two person British Transhumanist Party Caucus.

She was wearing a black lace lingerie style mini dress, black silk fishnet pantyhose and black spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

Despite the 6 inch stilettos she was wearing she had a certain spring to her step on this first day of spring and was positively glowing.

“Well, this is the happiest I think I’ve ever seen you,” her parliamentary colleague Renfield R. Renfield commented.

“Oh probably,” she continued to sit there smiling in ecstasy.

“Now on item 1 on tonight’s agenda, do you think we should side with Theresa May or Jeremy Corbyn on this particular amendment?” Renfield asked.

“Have you ever read the Kama Sutra?” Morgana stared dreamily into space.

“Um, no, I haven’t,” Renfield answered.

Renfield looked at Morgana.

Why was she bringing up the Kama Sutra? Renfield wondered to himself.

. . .

Meanwhile Pan Goatee was on a rampage killing a whole bunch of ugly women.

“How dare you ruin the first day of spring by showing your ugly faces in public?” Pan Goatee exclaimed as he used his laser machete to decapitate them.

A golden cobra wearing a crown made of shamrocks watched the spectacle with some amusement.

“I have heard of this noble creature who can astral project,” the serpent called Maitreya mused aloud, “he is able to create an astral laser machete with his mind. Impressive.
And what impressive work he is doing. “

The snake looked around at the decapitated heads before regurgitating his Irish shepherd’s pie (made with real Irish shepherds), “But hard, what sight though yonder mirror breaks?”.

. . .

Donald Trump was telling Lexington his English butler and valet about the day he had.

“And of course I phoned my old buddy Vladimir to congratulate him on his landslide election victory,” Trump beamed beatifically like a vampiress exposed to the Kama Sutra.

“Of course I think Mr. Putin does get on some people’s nerves through his agents,” Lexington remarked knowing that the remark would be totally lost on a Twitter aficionado like Mr. Trump.

“I suppose,” Trump stared blankly into space.

On the television, Arizona Republican Senator John McCain could be heard saying, “An American President does not lead the free world by congratulating dictators on winning sham elections.”

Trump grimaced.

Then said bitterly, “Real heroes don’t criticize a God like me.”

Later Lexington put a plate of French fries 🍟 down in front of Trump.

“Wow, these fries are delicious 😋,” Trump grabbed the fries as enthusiastically as he would grab a porn star’s pussy, “what brand of fries are these?”.

“I’ll make sure to ask the chef for you, sir,” Lexington answered.

“Please do,” Trump got a fry caught in his toupee.

Lexington walked away smiling at his own private joke.

Because Lexington himself had prepared these fries.

From a bag of McCain French Fries.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 20th
2018.

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The Welsh Vampiress and The White Wolf

March 19, 2018 at 10:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress and The White Wolf

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana (also known as Morgana Fay Lee) the British Transhumanist MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge was walking the streets of London.

She was unable to find a cab this evening which was unusual for London.

And she did not feel like turning into a bat 🦇 and flying into tonight’s cold wind.

She was dressed in a turquoise coloured evening dress having attended a charity event reception earlier tonight.

As she walked down the street, she was followed by a man in dark clothing much like the attire said to have been worn by Jack the Ripper.

The man was a GRU (Russian Military Intelligence Service) agent who chose the outfit because he had an historical sense of humour (unlike Benny Hill with his hysterical sense of humour).

He carried a poisoned tip umbrella 🌂 containing a poison recently developed by FSB research scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (originally of the East German Stasi).

Vladimir Putin had given the order for the assassination of Morgana.

For two reasons:

1): To test the new poison

2): To send a warning to her Transhumanist parliamentary colleague Renfield R. Renfield to tone down his anti-Putin rhetoric.

Unbeknownst to the GRU agent, he too was being followed.

By a white wolf with blue eyes.

The GRU agent was now only feet away from the Welsh Vampiress.

The white wolf howled.

Morgana quickly turned.

She jumped out of the way as the man lunged.

The umbrella stabbed him in the stomach as he fell.

“Merde,” was the last word of the GRU agent who was currently taking French lessons.

There would be one less student in the Foreign Languages school in Moscow next week.

The white wolf with blue eyes turned and vanished into the night.

Since the man spoke French with a Russian accent, Morgana deduced that he was probably a Russian agent out to assassinate her.

She didn’t know what effect lethal Russian weapons would have on vampiresses but she didn’t intend to stand around and find out.

She knew that Renfield’s friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had an apartment not far from here so she would hide there if he was home.

She rang the buzzer and Dracul answered.

He buzzed her up.

She ran up the stairs rather than take the elevator.

Dracul was standing outside his door in the hallway waiting for her to arrive.

He invited her in and closed the door.

On the other side of the hall, Dracul’s neighbour an elderly Scottish woman was peering through the keyhole of her apartment door and said to herself, “Probably another shameless hussy here to take Kama Sutra lessons.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 19th
2018.

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