Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

April 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was meeting with the talking little green frog 🐸 called Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus in a cafe in Istanbul.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like smoking Turkish cigarettes,” the chain-smoking demon Asmodeus remarked as he smoked his 70th Turkish cigarette of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish coffee or not,” Nimrod remarked with his head sticking out of the tiny cup after almost drowning in his 70th cup of Turkish coffee of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish evening gowns or not,” Lilith remarked as she took off her 69th evening gown in the cafe and put on her 70th Turkish evening gown of the day from her shopping bag of items she had picked up in Istanbul’s fashion bazaar.

The display of lovely 😊 and sensual vampiress nudity once again resulted in a huge collision of Turkish waiters carrying plates and cups.

“So how did your meeting with Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Vladimir Putin and Hassan Rouhani in Ankara go?” Asmodeus asked as he put a nicotine patch on his arm to help him cut down on his daily cigarette intake, “Did you convince the leaders of Russia 🇷🇺, Iran 🇮🇷 and Turkey 🇹🇷 to invade Israel 🇮🇱?”.

Lilith answered.

In the cafe across the street, Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem were listening in to the conversation between Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod on some eavesdropping equipment they had.

“Oh shoot,” the Controller cursed, “the microphone 🎤 went dead just as Lilith was giving the answer.”

Their view of the cafe across the street was also blocked by a huge number of Turkish men as well as female members of the Turkish Lesbian Front who had been standing in front of the cafe window for the past several hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 5th
2018.

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Reptilian On The Temple Mount

December 16, 2017 at 9:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Reptilian On The Temple Mount

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was in his Jerusalem office when one of his aides entered the office.

“Sir, minutes ago a UFO was spotted above the Temple Mount and now an ET has been seen walking around the Temple Mount,” said the aide.

“An ET?” The Controller ran his fingers through his hair, “Is it an ET gray?”.

“No, sir,” the aide shook his head, “It’s a reptilian.”

“A reptilian?” The Controller turned white, “Those are nasty motherfuckers.”

“Indeed, sir,” the aide agreed, “that’s why agents at the location have given it the code name Oedipus.”

“Tell them I’ll be there as soon as possible,” the Controller realized that his corned beef sandwich would have to wait.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 16th
2017.

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Netanyahu and Dr. Cadbury Rocher

October 20, 2016 at 4:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Netanyahu and Dr. Cadbury Rocher

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was on the telephone with Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

“Dr. Rocher, the entire state of Israel is grateful that you have managed to come up with an antidote to Polonium-210 poisoning,” Netanyahu said, “it has saved the life of one of our best Mossad agents the Controller of the Golem. Although we have put out the word he died so as to throw the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith off the scent.”

“You’re very welcome, Mr. Prime Minister,” Dr. Rocher helped himself to some kosher popcorn,”of course I’d use the antidote on anyone for the right price.”

“Yes, I know you would, Dr. Rocher, ” Netanyahu acknowledged, “of course the State of Israel could not afford your price. So I had to put in an emergency call to Baron Rothschild. He was somewhat miffed but agreed to put up the appropriate shekels. Although he was angry about having to cancel this month’s annual masquerade party sex orgy on his estate that was so carefully re-enacted in Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut which resulted in Kubrick’s sudden death 4 days after he showed the final cut to Warner Brothers Pictures. The Baron couldn’t afford to pay both your fee and the cost of hosting this year’s party. Both the ET gray Gali-Gula (who’s possessed by the spirit of Roman Emperor Caligula ) and Renfield R. Renfield are quite miffed that the party has been cancelled I understand.”

“Yes, Renfield has really been bitching about it the past few days,” Dr. Rocher sighed, “he was looking forward to having his buns tomatoed by Sherrielock Holmes who’d be wearing the jade mask of the Buddhist mother goddess Kwan Yin as she did it.”

“Yes, well, Kubrick would probably have a field day with that one if he were still alive,” the Prime Minister thanked Rocher again and put the phone down.

Netanyahu sighed.

He too had been looking forward to this year’s annual Rothschild masquerade party sex orgy.

Meanwhile in New York City, Hillary’s husband Bill Clinton was openly blubbering and sobbing over the cancellation of this year’s annual Rothschild masquerade party sex orgy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 20th
2016.

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Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

October 3, 2015 at 6:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in the back of a diplomatic limousine in Manhattan after having delivered a passionate speech at the UN General Assembly in New York City.

At his side was the Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem.

The phone in the limousine rang.

The Prime Minister looked at the number.

He recognized the number of the U.S. National Security Council in Washington D.C.

“Hello,” the Prime Minister of Israel picked up the receiver.

“Mr. Prime Minister, this is a friend,” the voice said, “you must give up all control over the Temple Mount and East Jerusalem itself.”

“Who is this?” The Israeli Prime Minister demanded to know.

“And you must give up all control over the West Bank,” the voice said, “We know this was part of the land promised to you by The Lord God of Israel but he’s just an extraterrestrial- an astronaut from another world – He’s not the Supreme Creator of the Universe. We have the evidence to prove it which we will share with you at a future date. But in the meantime don’t hold on to the Temple Mount, East Jerusalem and settlement areas in the West Bank areas as if they were part of some divine mandate.”

“Who is this?” The Prime Minister was furiously angry.

The phone clicked.

And went dead.

The Prime Minister looked over at the Controller of The Golem.

“It was probably a hacker/prankster with a really bad sense of humour, Mr. Prime Minister,” the Controller assured him, “one who’s watched one too many episodes of that American TV program Ancient Aliens.”

“Maybe,” the Prime Minister looked thoughtful, “or maybe something much more sinister.”

Outside the limousine, some New York City doomsayer held up a placard that bore a verse from II Thessalonians Chapter 2, “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie.” -II Thessalonians 2: 11.

A billboard across the street read, “God was just an astronaut.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 1st
2015.

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Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel

September 30, 2015 at 7:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel

The sight was somewhat unusual.

A beautiful red headed woman wearing a green evening dress walking alongside a man who looked the part of what a middle-aged Mormon missionary suffering a mid-life crisis might look like if he was trying to recapture the glory days of his youth.

The background was even more unusual.

It was the bombed out remnants of a Syrian town recently hit by Russian war planes.

Back in Washington D.C., U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry was pulling his hair out over the possibility of World War III breaking out in Syria.

A Kerry aide was already on the line trying to get hold of Donald Trump to see what colour of spider monkeys’ fur the Republican Party Presidential front runner used for his hair pieces.

Another Kerry aide was trying to get hold of President Obama to stop the outbreak of World War III.

But President Obama was already on another line trying to deal with what he considered a far more pressing issue- trying to arrange a diplomatic tete a tete between Sir Elton John and Russian President Vladimir Putin to resolve their differences on the issue of gay rights.

Meanwhile back in the bombed out ruins of the Syrian town, the woman in the green evening dress spoke to the middle-aged Mormon missionary looking man who looked to be suffering a mid-life crisis.

“Well,” the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked, “what do you think?”.

“Well,” CIA agent Bob Belfor answered, “it looks like the Russian Air Force have inflicted damage unlike our Air Force when we hit Islamic State targets. The only time we get it right on target on IS is when we’re supposed to be dropping supplies to our allies and we end up dropping them safe and intact into Islamic State hands by mistake.”

“Yes, you Americans seem to be bungling this war quite nicely,” Lilith looked around.

“We try our best,” Belfor smiled.

“But the reason I called you here,” Lilith drew closer to Belfor, “is can you arrange an incident to happen between Russia and the Israelis?”.

Lilith had made it her life long vampiric mission to destroy the nation of Israel ever since rabbinic commentators had slandered her good name in the Babylonian Talmud.

As for the mid-life crisis suffering CIA agent Bob Belfor, he wasn’t too pleased with the Israelis either ever since the Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem had referred to him Bob Belfor as a “total jackass” at an international secret agents’ cocktail party in Geneva 5 years ago.

“I think,” Bob Belfor grinned, “that can be arranged.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 30th
2015.

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Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

September 10, 2015 at 5:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her silk nightgown and read an email she had received from an MI-6 Agent whose code name was Diablos Nocturna.

She had never met Diablos Nocturna in person but the two had met on-line and had discovered they both had a mutual enemy.

They agreed to share information.

Diablos had sent her a copy of a report that he had received from an Israeli Mossad agent whose code name was The Controller of The Golem.

The report chronicled the movements of a Kraken sized octopus who was skateboarding across the state of Israel.

At his side as he skateboarded across Israel was a beautiful long haired redheaded woman who always wore the most elegant evening dresses and who had the ability to glide inches above the ground as she walked.

The Kraken and the redhead were first spotted at a global courier delivery service in downtown Tel Aviv where the woman arranged to have a dozen shopping bags couriered to her penthouse apartment in London.

They then went up to the Sea of Galilee at the woman’s insistence so that she could walk on water up there.

“I’m giving these people something they haven’t seen in 2000 years,” she said to the Kraken as tourists hastily took pictures with their smart phones.

A divinity professor at Yale who thought all of Christ’s miracles were strictly symbolic and that nobody could actually walk on water died of a heart attack when his daughter emailed him the picture.

He couldn’t fathom the thought of having to revise all his theories and revise all those textbooks he had written.

They then went to Cana of Galilee where the Kraken, wanting to upstage the redhead’s miracle of walking on water, tried to turn pitchers of water into lager beer at an American biker’s outdoor motorcycle wedding.

When the attempted miracle failed abysmally, the Kraken found himself being pursued by a group of angry tattooed motorcycle gang members and their equally angry tattooed brides.

The redhead who called herself Medusa had wisely ascended into the sky and headed off to Jerusalem before the Kraken had even attempted his water into beer wedding miracle.

She had recently seen the Kraken attempt to pull a rabbit out of a silk hat at a Mafia wedding in Sicily and when he had pulled out the local Mafia don’s mistress’ personally monogrammed panties instead, that had not gone over so well.

The Kraken jumped on his skateboard and headed out of town just before sunset as the Hell’s Angels followed on hot pursuit on their motorcycles.

“I don’t recall this ever happening in Lady Gaga’s music video about Judas,” were the Kraken’s last words as he skated past the sign that said You Are Now Leaving Cana of Galilee.

. . .

The redheaded Medusa’s descent on to the Temple Mount on August 27th 2015 (on the 40th Anniversary of Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie’s death in Addis Ababa) frightened away both Orthodox Jewish wailer at the Western Wall and Muslim worshipper on the Temple Mount alike paving the way for the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI to skateboard on to the Temple Mount on his skateboard bearing the image of former Rastafarian Bob Marley.

The report from the Controller of the Golem that Qonzilqointec was reading bore the notation that the Controller had been immediately summoned by the Office of the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu to report immediately to a West Jerusalem police station to take a sobriety test.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 27th
2015.

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Persian Or Ottoman Wall-to-Wall Carpeting In Jerusalem?

May 31, 2015 at 7:15 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Persian Or Ottoman Wall-to-Wall Carpeting In Jerusalem?

U.S. President Barack Obama slept at his desk in the Oval Office while his teddy bear that he named Maxwell Smart Jr. whispered sweet nothings in his ear.

. . .

Meanwhile in the Iranian holy city of Qom, Nimrod the builder of the Tower of Babel (who had since been turned into a frog as a result of a vampiric kiss gone awry) whispered satanic somethings in the ear of the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei as Iran’s Supreme Leader slept.

. . .

As Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan strolled into his gold plated and mirror ceilinged bedroom, he was startled to see the beautiful and sexy ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith standing there in a very low-cut silk nightgown.

As he gazed at this vision, he secretly hoped that what an Islamic televangelist in Turkey (who was about as nutty as some of the so-called Christian televangelists in America) had recently said about Muslim men who masturbate excessively in this lifetime- that their hands would be eternally pregnant in the next lifetime- wasn’t true.

“I’ve come to offer you something,” Lilith approached him.

Erdogan smiled.

He just might be spared an evening that might have put his right hand in eternal maternal jeopardy.

Lilith reached under her nightgown and pulled out the crown of the Sultan of Constantinople- ruler of the Ottoman Empire.

“This I will give you,” Lilith smiled seductively, “if you will fall down and worship me.”

“I hope she’s not asking me to kiss her pussy,” Erdogan thought to himself as he heard a cat meowing from under the bed.

. . .

In Jerusalem, the Mossad agent they called the Controller of The Golem sat in his office reading disturbing reports about recent speeches given by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

In a speech last week, Erdogan had called for the restoration of Ottoman rule over Jerusalem.

In a campaign speech yesterday as he campaigned on behalf of his Islamist party for next week’s Turkish parliamentary elections, Erdogan had called for the “conquering fires of Istanbul to again be lit across the world”.

Outside the Controller’s office could be heard the screeching of a night owl.

The Controller looked out his office window and noticed a raven attacking a dove within the light of a bright street lamp.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 31st
2015.

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Lilith and Nimrod

March 3, 2015 at 8:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith and Nimrod

The Controller of the Golem noticed the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith sitting in the public gallery of the U. S. Congress as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave his speech.

The Mossad agent noticed she was wearing the same white and gold evening dress that she was wearing the night before.

He also noticed that her hair was somewhat disheveled as if she had spent the night somewhere and didn’t have time to change.

Meanwhile far away from Congress, a former U.S. President had in his pocket a statement that read “I did not have sexual relations with that vampiress” on the off chance someone had spotted him in the hotel room with that sexy looking redhead.

When the speech was over, the Controller of the Golem followed the Vampiress into the lobby.

He noticed Lilith entering the women’s washroom.

He followed.

As gasps could be heard coming from surprised exiting patrons, he explained, “I’m transgendered like Bruce Jenner is but I’m only beginning my treatments.”

He noticed Lilith bumping into House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi whose mascara was running down her face as a result of crying during Netanyahu’s speech.

He noticed Lilith open the washroom window, turn into a bat and promptly fly out.

The Controller of the Golem entered one of the stalls, closed the door, took out his cell phone and phoned a fellow Mossad agent as he did his business.

Minutes later a huge bloodcurdling female scream could be heard coming from that women’s washroom on that particular floor of Congress.

As security rushed into the washroom, the same female voice could be heard shrieking, “Who the Hell left the toilet seat up?”.

. . .

Lilith had gone to a secret U. S. government lab near Baltimore, Maryland where the body of Nimrod the builder of the Tower of Babel was being kept.

She found the giant test tube where Nimrod’s body was being kept and opened it.

She could have been stopped by security personnel at the lab except an argument had broken out among security personnel as to what colour her evening dress was.

Half of the personnel said it was “white and gold” and the other half said it was “blue and black”.

As the security personnel proceeded to strangle one another over who was right, Nancy Pelosi’s image appeared on the News on the TV screen no one was watching complaining to reporters that Netanyahu had made condescending remarks about the state of American intelligence.

Meanwhile Lilith had swallowed a special potion given her by the South African Xhosa witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

The potion was designed to unite a dead person’s soul with their body once they were given the kiss of life by someone who had drunk the potion.

Lilith threw Nimrod’s dead body on a slab in the lab.

As theme music from The Rocky Horror Picture Show played in the laboratory background, Lilith raised her evening dress and then mounted Nimrod’s body on the slab in the lab.

She then gave Nimrod a very passionate kiss of life.

Nimrod’s soul returned to his body.

Unfortunately due to a miscalculation in the amount of vermouth required in the Kiss of Life potion that Dr. Sterling Makabo had made, the potion as designed by him had the unfortunate side effect of changing Nimrod’s genetic make-up and turning him into a frog.

“Oh shit, he’s turned into a frog! That’s going to cause problems!” Lilith exclaimed as Nimrod turned into a frog.

“It could have been worse, he could have turned into a toad,” a lab security personnel officer spoke his last words prior to being strangled by one of his co-workers.

“He did turn into a toad!” shouted another co-worker.

“He’s a frog, you moron!” insisted another lab security personnel officer.

Soon a fight broke out among the lab security personnel as to whether Nimrod had turned into a frog or a toad.

As the bickering and back-stabbing (quite literally) continued among lab security personnel, Lilith sprouted bat wings through the back of her evening dress and after putting the frog Nimrod into a jar, she flew away with the little amphibian ex-human stuffed down the top of her evening dress in between her cleavage.

“Almost heaven, West Virginia, blue ridge mountain,” Nimrod sang the John Denver lyrics in the jar as the duo flew over West Virginia.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 3rd
2015.

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Lilith In Cyprus

February 25, 2015 at 8:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith In Cyprus

The Israeli Mossad agent called the Controller of The Golem was on the island of Cyprus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin had signed an agreement with Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades to grant Russia’s Navy access to Cypriot ports.

They were also negotiating the possibility of Russia using an air base on Cyprus.

The Controller of The Golem was here because he felt there was more to these negotiations than meets the eye.

As he walked the streets, he noticed a beautiful red-headed woman in a lavender green evening dress.

He immediately recognized her as the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.

What he wondered was she doing here?

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 25th
2015.

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