Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, NASA To Meet Mithras and Renfield’s Speech On Saudi Arabia
Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, NASA To Meet Mithras and Renfield’s Speech On Saudi Arabia
Pan Goatee was sitting on a bus when a thin ugly looking woman got on.
Since thin ugly women were not as repulsive as fat ugly ones, he decided to be a good natured fellow and let her live.
Besides she was sitting up at the very front of the bus in a spot where he wouldn’t have to look at her ugly face.
Then the ugly thing decided to move and sit in a spot just two seats ahead of him where he could see her ugly face.
That was a huge mistake on the thin ugly airhead’s part.
He immediately grabbed his laser machete and beheaded the ugly creature.
Then he got off the bus by the back door and boarded a bus going the other direction.
As he sat close to the back door, a fat ugly aboriginal lesbian blowhard bull dyke with a butch haircut female construction worker covered in tattoos went and stood at the back exit.
He immediately beheaded her which was his preferred method of aesthetically inspired social euthanasia for dealing with such obnoxious looking fat ugly blimps.
Seeing as how she had made a liar out of him by being both a fat ugly blimp and aboriginal (Pan Goatee had spent the entire evening before talking to his psychiatrist over the phone about how most fat ugly blimps in the city were white in colour and not members of visible minorities), he proceeded to cut her up into a hundred thousand pieces.
After all, poor Sitting Bull was probably rolling over in his grave at the thought of such a fat ugly blimp being aboriginal.
The great Sioux warrior’s horn would have been definitely little and not big when confronted with such a repulsive aesthetically sexually demoralizing sight.
He then cut her into a further 100,000 pieces for being a lesbian blowhard with a bull dyke butch haircut.
He could only imagine what the great Apache warrior Geronimo would think about an aboriginal having such decadent western civilization tendencies.
The poor fellow would probably jump out of a U.S. Air Force plane saying his own name without a parachute on.
Goatee then went to the front of the bus where an ugly looking college aged girl tried to get in front of him.
He beheaded her as well.
“Your college professors and your classmates next semester will probably thank me for this,” Goatee remarked as he kicked her head off the bus.
. . .
Back in early 2008, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had uncovered some rather shocking information about Mithras (the Imperial Roman Army’s Mystery Cult religion Sun god who was called Mithra in ancient Persia and Mitra in ancient India).
He told officials at NASA what he had discovered about Mithras (who might just be a real existing entity after all) and his relationship to our Solar System’s sun.
Whitstable’s discovery was reported to both then U.S. President George W. Bush and then incoming President-elect Barack Obama.
As such a NASA space probe for the sun ☀️ 🌞 was approved in the 2009 U.S. government fiscal budget year.
The John Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory designed and built the spacecraft which was originally scheduled for launch 🚀 in 2015.
After sabotage from a North Korean female supernatural entity called the Woman In White (who was a High Priestess of Mithras), the launch date was then rescheduled for this summer of 2018.
In May 2017, the proposed NASA Solar Space Probe was named in honour of a living person (the first time in NASA history a space probe was named after a living person) the great astrophysicist Eugene Newman Parker who developed the theory of the supersonic solar wind.
The Parker Space Probe was slated for launch in a few hours’ time.
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was about to give a speech on the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to a group of summer students and professors at Oxford University.
Renfield prior to writing his speech had talked to a few of his Canadian friends about the state of Saudi-Canadian relations.
The rulers of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and in particular the so-called reformer Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman (who turned out to be just another asshole Wahhabi religious fanatic after all) had their panties in a knot the past week over Canada 🇨🇦 daring to have the audacity to criticize the backwards desert 🐫 feudal kingdom’s inhumane treatment of human rights campaigners and women’s rights advocates.
A Saudi government tweet showed a photo of a plane ✈️ flying into the City of Toronto’s CN Tower as part of their asinine response to the Canadian government’s protest.
Renfield began his speech in his usual Renfieldian diplomatic manner, “The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 is a syphilis and gonorrhoea infested sore on the buttocks of Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 10th
2018.
Encore of Dracul, Aphrodite and Ares
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote almost a year ago:
When Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing returned to his office at MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division Headquarters, he was surprised to see the Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting there waiting for him.
“Aphrodite,” Dracul said, “What a pleasant surprise. Have you brought more news about Hephaestus?”.
“No,” Aphrodite shook her head, “Hephaestus has given up building missiles for North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. He’s now working on building incredible machines for a steampunk genre sci-fi film about Jack the Ripper escaping down the Thames River in a submarine.”
“I’ll have to see that movie when it comes out,” said Dracul.
“Have you seen the new Wonder Woman film?” Aphrodite asked.
“Not yet,” said Dracul, “but I’d like to. It sounds like an excellent film judging from the reviews. It’s set against the background of the First World War which I’ve recently started studying. The First World War is often overshadowed by World…
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Encore of Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.
Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).
Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.
She brought him with her to the Holy Land.
“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”
“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.
Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.
He had heard that there was a…
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For Whom The Bell Tolls, The Missiles Send
The mysterious beautiful Korean woman in the white gown once again visited North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un just as he was shooting people in the back of the head because he didn’t like the way they were playing his Nintendo game with him.
“I have another message for you from Ahriman,” said the mysterious Woman In White.
“The Prince of Persia,” Kim knew the correct answer this time thus avoiding an angelic kick in the ass.
“Yes,” the Woman In White smiled.
“What is it?” asked Kim as he used the Nintendo game controller to gouge out a fellow player’s eye.
“When you launch your first ICBM with a nuclear warhead you are not to target either South Korea or Japan or even the United States,” instructed the Woman In White.
“Who am I to target then?” Kim asked as he picked up a gun and shot a dove out of the sky.
The Mysterious Woman In White handed him an ancient faded parchment that had a single name of a nation written on it.
“Them?” Kim looked at the name on the document.
“Yes, them,” the woman nodded and then vanished.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 1st
2017.
The Wolf Adolf, Ahriman’s Korean Envoy and King Solomon’s Ring
The wolf formerly known as Adolf (his spirit was allowed to inhabit the body of a grey wolf after Thor, at Odin’s request, asked permission from Hades and Persephone to allow Hitler’s spirit to leave the Underworld and to return to Earth for a brief period) was reflecting that today was April 30th- the day back in 1945 when he married Eva Braun and then shot himself.
After watching a BBC TV News Documentary on the state of marriage in the contemporary western world, the wolf formerly known as Adolf wondered whether it wouldn’t be a good idea for most modern husbands to follow in his footsteps.
Over in Pyongyang, North Korea, dictator Kim Jong-un was once again visited by the mysterious beautiful Korean woman in the white gown who had visited him twice before- once in a dream and then again in reality (In reality, she had kicked him in the ass).
“Who are you?” Kim Jong-un asked the mysterious Woman In White.
“I am the messenger of Ahriman,” the woman replied.
“Who’s Ahriman?” Kim asked.
“The Prince of Persia,” the woman answered.
“Persia?” Kim scratched his head, “Oh, Iran! My ally! Along with Venezuela! But I thought my friends the mullahs in Iran had deposed the Shah and kicked out his family. How can Persia then still have a prince?”.
The Woman In White commanded Kim Jong-un to bend over and turn around whereupon she kicked him in the ass again.
In Jerusalem, the Mossad agent called the Controller of the Golem was reading the passage in the Book of Daniel about how the archangel Gabriel wrestled with the (demonic angelic) Prince of Persia for 21 days and was only able to overcome him through the assistance of the Archangel Michael and then deliver his message to Daniel.
The Controller of the Golem closed the book.
And looked over at his desk.
On his desk was a package.
Inside the package was an important artifact of ancient Hebrew history.
King Solomon’s ring.
The signet ring with the Seal of Solomon on it that gave King Solomon the power to command demons to build the Temple in Jerusalem.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 30th
2017.
