Kraken’s Croissant Cravings

December 18, 2020 at 11:26 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“French President Emmanuel Macron has tested positive for Covid-19.
Coincidentally enough a number of cougars at the Paris Zoo have also tested positive for Covid-19.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading a news story on radio.

As the Fascist Freemasonic French President Emmanuel Macron was busy self-isolating along with quite a number of cougars who were also self-isolating, French Aquarian Age Bonapartist leader The Kraken Napololeon VI was walking the streets of Paris along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

The Kraken, who was sipping 8 cups of cognac-laced coffee at the same time, asked his wife, “Where is everybody?”.

“Under lockdown,” Medusa answered as she curled her hair with her wireless electric blow dryer and hair curler.

“Bummer,” the Kraken walked past a couple of gay Jesuit priests who suddenly found themselves frozen to a park bench captured in the activity they were engaging in, “I wonder if there’s any place that’s open. I’ve got a craving for hot buttered croissants.”

As the Kraken craved croissants, Macron missed his cougars in the French Presidential Palace.

And in a Paris hotel room, the Norse valkyrie Kara awaited the arrival of vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 18th
2020.

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French Islamism, Justin Trudeau and The Great Reset

November 20, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Kraken Napoleon VI who was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party was reading about the “republican values” ultimatum that French President Emmanuel Macron had recently delivered to French Muslim leaders.

Ever since the beheading of French schoolteacher Samuel Paty this past October 16th (for having dared to show his students pictures of the Prophet Mohammed in a class discussion he was having on free speech), Macron had been seeking to crack down on militant Islam in France (a controversial thing to do since France has Western Europe’s largest Muslim population).

In a rare move for a liberal secularist leader, Macron wasn’t acting like a pansy when it came to standing up to radical militant Islam.

A sure contrast with the limpwristedness on the topic shown by the Communist compulsive/obsessive memorizer of John Lennon Imagine lyrics in the Vatican “Pope” Francis.

This past Wednesday November 18th, Macron had given the French Council of the Muslim Faith (CFCM) 15 days to work with the French Interior Ministry.

The CFCM had agreed to create a National Council of Imams which will issue imams with official accreditation which could be withdrawn.

Radical Islamist imams could therefore find their accreditation withdrawn by the Council.

French Interior Minister Gerald Darmanin had said, “We must save our children from the clutches of the Islamists.”

The new draft law to curtail radical Islam in France would be discussed by the cabinet on December 9th.

While liberal Muslim imams would probably go along with the bill, radical Islamist militant imams would probably not.

There was a retired Calgary police detective (who when he worked as a young constable on the Metropolitan London Police Force in Britain back in the early 1960s had arrested a young woman named Christine Keeler for soliciting. The same Christine Keeler who would go on to be implicated in the John Profumo Scandal which would lead to that Secretary of State For War’s resignation from the cabinet of Harold MacMllan’s Conservative government in the UK at that time) who had told a recently arrived geopolitical analyst from Vancouver back in 2016 that he believed a civil war in France would break out between radical Muslims and non-Muslims sometime in the early 2020s and that civil war would spread to Britain and the rest of Western Europe.

The Kraken reflected that it may well be this Macron-Darmanin ultimatum that sets the whole thing off.

Radical Muslims in the Muslim world were already becoming increasingly anti-French as a result of Macron’s words and actions.

Particularly those radical Muslims in Pakistan who became so volatilely hyper and uber-excited about everything that a sensible person could easily be led to believe that they were a bunch of nutcases and raving lunatics (which in all probability they most likely are).

. . .

Canada’s asinine Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had this week just said that discussion of The Great Reset was a “conspiracy theory”.

Even though Justin Trudeau at a virtual UN on-line conference this past September had said the pandemic had “provided opportunity for a reset”.

Even though the World Economic Forum this past month had held a meeting in which its chairman Klaus Schwab had called for a Great Reset.

Hell, Klaus Schwab had even co-wrote a book with Thierry Malleret called Covid-19 and the Great Reset.

TIME Magazine had even done a cover story earlier this month called The Great Reset.

Even the Communist Pope Francis was in the 2nd day of a 3-day conference at the Vatican discussing the Economy of Francesco in which the Great Reset was front and center.

However Justin suffered from the delusion that people would actually believe what he had to say on the subject.

As he emerged from the door of his Ottawa residence to face the press and the cameras and make yet another idiotic statement to Canadians, he was suddenly hit in the face with a cream pie.

“Shit,” Justin Trudeau sputtered through gabs and gobs of cream pie filling, “This is the 2nd or 3rd time in the past year that an invisible entity has come forward and thrown a cream pie in my face.”

“Sounds like a conspiracy theory to me,” remarked a reporter for Rebel News Canada.

. . .

The Greek god Zeus had recently ordered the release of the Kraken (his own personal Kraken not the French politician the Kraken Napoleon VI who headed the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party) in order to destroy the world and prevent the Great Reset.

Judging how repulsively ugly and creepy looking the “woke” women of America look who support the Great Reset, Zeus figured that it would be better to end the world now rather than be presented with a world that would surely kill his massive sexual appetite.


The Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis approves of Zeus’ decision to release the Kraken.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 20th
2020.

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The Kraken Visits Conflans-Sainte-Honorine

October 17, 2020 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The Kraken known as Napoleon VI was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party and was a sitting member of the French National Assembly.

He, along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon, was currently visiting the French town of Conflans-Sainte-Honorine some 30 km (20 miles) northwest of central Paris.

They were here under sad circumstances.

To visit the College du Bois d’Aulne where a teacher at the school Samuel Paty had been beheaded yesterday by an Islamist terrorist as he walked down a street heading from the school towards his home.

Mr. Paty had been a history and geography teacher at the school and had recently given a class lecture on freedom of thought and freedom of expression with reference to Charlie Hebdo a French satirical magazine that had published cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad in 2015.

For that action, the office of Charlie Hebdo was attacked by Islamist terrorists and several members of the staff were killed.

The trial over that attack had recently begun.

Three weeks ago an Islamist terrorist had stabbed a couple of people outside the former offices of Charlie Hebdo apparently oblivious to the fact that the satirical magazine had moved to another location.

Mr. Paty had shown his class pictures of the cartoons that Charlie Hebdo magazine had published.

This made Samuel Paty a marked man.

The murderer of Mr. Paty was Abdoulakh A. an 18-year-old Chechen from Russia who lived in the Normandy town of Evreux about 100 km (62 miles) from the murder scene and had no apparent previous connection with the teacher or the school.

Apparently Abdoulakh had waited outside the school this past Friday and had asked students to identify the teacher.

He followed Mr. Paty who was walking home and attacked him, inflicting multiple wounds to his head and then beheading him.

The Islamist terrorist then posted images on social media of his victim and his severed head.

As he continued to post photos on Twitter referring to President Emmanuel Macron and the French as “infidels” and “dogs”, police approached him.

The terrorist fired at police with an airgun.

They returned fire and the terrorist was shot 9 times in all.

His subsequent demise saved the Fifth Republic of France the cost of an expensive trial.

The Kraken and Medusa talked to some of Samuel Paty’s students- current and former.

A father of one of the students had posted on Twitter “My daughter is in pieces, terrorized by the violence of such an act. How will I explain to her the unthinkable?”.

Samuel Paty had been a well-liked teacher at the school.

One of Mr. Paty’s former students Martial, 16, had said that the teacher absolutely loved his job, “He really wanted to teach us things.Sometimes we held debates in class.”

After talking to the students and laying flowers at the site where Mr. Paty was slain, the Kraken phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield to discuss the growing terrorist threat in France.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Abdulakh A. was expecting to be rewarded with 72 dark-eyed virgins and lots of cosmic celestial sex.

Imagine his surprise when the three-headed dog Cerberus escorted him to a rotating barbeque spit over an open fire where he’d be spending his next eternity.

“Where are the 72 dark-eyed virgins that were promised me?” Abdulakh screamed as a trio of one-eyed cyclops giants tied him to the spit and began the neverending rotation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 17th
2020.

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Renfield’s Reflections On Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict

September 30, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was returning home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate from Parliament.

He had to step over the bodies of an elite Turkish commando unit belonging to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

The commandos had been sent to Set’s estate to kidnap Renfield.

There they had the misfortune to run into the Set estate’s fierce guard cat Nefertiti Galore who promptly tore them to shreds.

Once inside the house, Renfield got on his computer and got into a Skype conversation with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

Their topic of conversation was the Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh (the territory was called Artsakh by the Armenians).

“Peace in the region has been reigning somewhat since the 1994 ceasefire between Armenia and Azerbaijan,” Renfield explained, “but this past summer, Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey has been busy shooting his mouth off and giving vocal encouragement to Azerbaijan to take back the Nagorno-Karabakh territory by force offering Turkish military assistance if necessary.”

“Nagorno-Karabakh once belonged to Azerbaijan?” Amadeus asked.

“It originally belonged to Armenia but Soviet dictator Josef Stalin with his usual penchant for doing harm and rearranging territory and peoples in the old USSR on his own personal whims took Nagorno-Karabakh away from the Soviet republic of Armenia and gave it to the Soviet republic of Azerbaijan even though the majority of the territory’s citizens were ethnic Armenian. After Stalin kicked the bucket, the territory later became an autonomous region within Azerbaijan. When the USSR started falling to pieces and Gorbachev like the king in the old Humpty Dumpty rhyme couldn’t put it together again, Armenia and Azerbaijan fought a war for control of the region. A ceasefire was established in 1994 and Nagorno-Karabakh became a self-governing entity run under the control of the territory’s Armenian population,” Renfield noted.

Meanwhile in Paris France, French President Emmanuel Macron was likewise becoming concerned at Erdogan’s words and actions in the Armenia-Azerbaijan conflict.

Spurred on by Renfield’s comments in the British House of Commons yesterday as well as remarks made by Renfield’s French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (who was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party as well as the husband of the ex-Gorgon Medusa) in the French National Assembly, Macron was taking a stand.

Today Macron said that he was “extremely concerned by the warlike messages” coming from Turkey.

Adding to Macron’s concerns was a report from the Syrian Observatory For Human Rights that about 320 Syrian mercenaries (who were fighting for an anti-Assad faction backed by the Neo-Ottoman Erdogan) had been transported to Azerbaijan by pro-Erdogan Turkish security companies.

Also today Macron warned Turkey about “warlike comments which essentially remove any inhibitions from Azerbaijan in what would be a reconquest of Nagorno-Karabakh. That we will not accept.”

Macron also promised greater support for Armenia in the coming days, “I say to Armenia and the Armenians, France will play its role.”

Amadeus asked Renfield, “What do you think might happen?”.

“Well,” Renfield ate his slice of Baked Alaska cake, “About half-way through the summer, I started to wonder if the final icing on the cake for this peculiar year that is 2020 wouldn’t be the outbreak of World War III. No one saw a virus coming from China that would turn the lives upside down of everyone on the planet. Inspector Clouseau of Pink Panther movie fame once said that his mother was strangled by an Armenian phrenologist. So likewise no one thought at the start of this year that Clouseau’s mother’s revenge through a cross-dressing salesman of Turkish Delight candies residing in the Turkish Presidential Palace in Istanbul would result in World War III.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 30th
2020.

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215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

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The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market

November 24, 2019 at 10:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Kraken Visits A Christmas Market 

The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (because he hoped someday to become Emperor of France) and his wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) decided to head north across the border into Germany to visit one of the famous German Christmas markets.

They rented a one horse open sleigh for their journey.

As they journeyed north, the Kraken wearing red and white and a false white beard waved and said, “Ho, ho, ho” at all the passers-by.

“Mommy,” said one little girl, “I didn’t know Santa had 8 arms.”

“He has to in order to handle 8 reindeer,” her mother answered.

They soon came to a very beautiful Bavarian village with a Christmas market.

The Kraken exited the sleigh and posed for pictures with various people who were anxious to increase the likes on their Instagram accounts.

Medusa went shopping for candles and ornaments.

The Kraken then went over to a mulled wine stand and spent a great deal of time imbibing.

“Hic! Hic! Hic!” The Kraken said as he walked (or more accurately stumbled) his way towards the Christmas market central square to meet up with Medusa.

Playing at the gazebo bandstand in the Christmas market central square was the noted Norwegian jazz singer Olaf Fjordson.

His orchestra consisting of a jazz pianist, a jazz saxophonist, a jazz guitarist and a jazz violinist was behind him.

Olaf Fjordson and His Jazz Orchestra normally played the very popular wintertime jazz cafe Frozen North Orleans on the island of Spitsbergen, a jazz cafe that had been frequented by such notables as Orson Welles, Pablo Picasso, Howard Hughes and his biographer Clifford Irving.

They had been flown in from Spitsbergen to open the town’s Christmas market.

The jazz pianist was on stage trying to scrape the icicles off his piano keys.

The jazz saxophonist was holding his saxophone over an open fire as ice fell out of the mouthpiece.

The jazz guitarist was likewise scraping ice off his strings.

The jazz violinist was sitting on stage with his hands tied behind his back as his Australian Ernievarius violin (made out of winter tires) sat on his lap and therefore was not being played (for which the Christmas market crowds should be truly thankful).

As such, jazz singer Olaf Fjordson was currently singing a capella.

Sang Fjordson,

I feel it in my fingers 
I feel it in my toes 
Frostbite’s all around me 
And so the feeling grows…

After singing this last line, Fjordson immediately started screaming his head off like a heavy metal singer in concert.

“That Fjordson seems to have an extensive range when it comes to varieties of musical genre,” the Kraken remarked to Medusa.

“He does indeed,” Medusa agreed.

The Kraken then checked his 8 Rolex watches and noticed that it was time for them to head off in the direction of Berlin where they were due for a midnight banquet with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

As they left, they noticed a World War I Sopwith Camel (that had flown the jazz orchestra from Spitsbergen to the Bavarian village Christmas market) being de-iced along with the pilot – a beagle wearing a World War I flying ace’s cap and goggles.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Sunday November 24th
2019.

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Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

September 16, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

The Norse goddess Freya was on the phone talking to Dracul Van Helsing

“Did you see that empty podium next to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg Xavier Bettel at what was supposed to be the press conference between him and Boris Johnson discussing Brexit?”

“And Dracul, you say the reason Johnson avoided the press conference was because the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP The Kraken Napoleon VI had a two for the price of one Buffet coupon that was about to expire in another hour and the Kraken had invited Johnson for lunch?”

“Sure, do come over to my place, Dracul.”

“I’m always up for tantric sex, anytime, anywhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday September 16th
2019.

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Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary

August 15, 2019 at 10:00 pm (History, Music, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 250th Birthday and Woodstock 50th Anniversary 

Today was the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte’s 250th birthday.

To celebrate the occasion the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party (this particular Kraken had been Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus back in June 2015) was going to blow out 250 candles on a huge Black Forest cake on the banks of the River Seine in Paris.

Medusa (the ex-Gorgon who had married the Kraken with Pope Francis’ papal blessing back in January 2017) led the assembled crowd on the banks of the Seine into singing Happy Birthday.

Medusa and the Paris Impromtu Singers sang,

“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Napoleon,
Happy Birthday to you…”

Everyone whistled and applauded.

The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon (who had been granted temporary dispensational leave from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone for this occasion) wiped spectral tears from his ghostly eyes.

The Kraken leaned over to blow the 250 candles out on the Black Forest cake when he suddenly noticed that he had totally run out of hot air (he had used up his hot air giving a speech in the European Parliament yesterday on the subject of climate change).

His inability to blow out the candles started a massive fire on the Black Forest (that is the cake and not the forest in southwestern Germany).

Napoleon VI the Kraken got one of his tentacles (as opposed to one of his testicles) caught on fire and started dancing up and down the banks of the River Seine going, “Ooch! Ouch! Ooch! Ouch!”.

At that moment an otter called Jefferey de Montmartre (a DARPA operative) dived into the River Seine causing a huge splash that put the candles and the fire out.

Medusa then began to cut the cake (which now looked more like a Baked Alaska than a Black Forest cake) and started handing slices out.

Today was also the 50th Anniversary of the start of the Woodstock Music Festival.

Billed as “an Aquarian exposition: 3 days of peace and music”, it was held at Max Yasgur’s 600-acre dairy farm in Bethel, New York.

Interestingly enough, there was a pot-smoking hippy coincidentally named Rip Van Weedwrinkle who had fallen asleep just before the concert 50 years ago and now had just woken up 50 years later in one miraculous feat of survival (all a testament to the power of British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula marijuana).

He woke up singing, “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?”.

He raised himself up, brushed the cobwebs out of his long graying hair and beard and looked around at the empty fields that surrounded him.

“Hey, where is everybody?” He called out, “When does the concert start? Anyone?”.

His voice echoed through the empty fields and was answered by the Aquarian Age moo of a cow in the distance.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday August 15th
2019.

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Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

August 9, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Svengali The Diabolical Shrimp Causes Power Blackout

A major power blackout occurred in England and Wales today.

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his psychic powers to determine the cause.

This is what Michelangelo came up with after receiving a vision.

Months earlier the evil Jesuit priest and scientist Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was becoming quite upset about how British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh vampiress Morgana were upsetting the best laid plans of demons and evil deities.

He resolved to do something to solve this problem.

Of course one of the most powerful weapons in the arsenal of Renfield and Morgana was Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

If only, Father Caiaphas chewed his pentagram decorated fingernails, he could come up with a diabolical equivalent of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

When he had finished chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails, Father Caiaphas took off his shoes and socks in the booth in the Rome taverna he was sitting in and started working on his pentagram decorated toe nails.

It just so happened that the Kraken Napoleon VI (leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party) was sitting across from him drinking kegs full of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken was amused by the sight of this priest chewing off his pentagram decorated fingernails and toe nails.

After drinking so many kegs of rum, the Kraken was totally oblivious to the fact that this particular priest had sold his soul to the forces of darkness many years ago.

In this state of alcohol induced oblivion, the Kraken struck up a conversation with the priest.

Father Caiaphas, who had been drinking bottles and bottles of Andres Baby Duck Sparkling Wine, had his guard down and told the Kraken his predicament.

The Kraken (unaware that Father Caiaphas was being serious and not joking) gave the sinister cleric an idea.

He suggested a perfect satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster should be a creature called Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp (shrimp as in the seafood creature you get with sweet and sour sauce in Chinese restaurants).

Alter a shrimp in a test tube and add demonic DNA from a demon, the Kraken suggested before passing out after drinking too many kegs of Jamaican rum.

The Kraken’s wife Medusa (the former Gorgon) walked through the door of the taverna and had to literally drag the Kraken back to the hotel room where they were staying in Rome.

Father Caiaphas bar Yochai thought the idea of Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp as a satanic antithesis of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was a splendid idea.

It was a good thing for the sinister Jesuit that he had run into the rum consuming Kraken Napoleon VI.

Otherwise being a typical modernist progressive Jesuit priest, he wouldn’t have had the imagination or sense of humour to come up with a concept such as Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp.

So Father Caiaphas went and bought a live shrimp from a Rome seafood market (the shop owner found it strange that someone would only buy one shrimp) and then went to his laboratory.

He summoned the demon Mephistopheles (to whom Faust had sold his soul) and extracted DNA from the aforementioned demon which he inserted into the shrimp.

After months of gestation in a test tube (while listening to the collected speeches of Donald Trump), the shrimp emerged.

As his first test, Father Caiphas asked Svengali the Diabolical Shrimp to cause power outages in both England and Wales which were Renfield and Morgana’s respective home countries.

Svengali’s mind had not yet developed to the point where the creature could use his telekinetic powers to disable the electrical power grid of England and Wales with his mind.

However like his name sake, Svengali could mesmerize and psychically manipulate.

It just so happened that there lived an evil kraken in the North Sea named Krakenus Maleficentus.

Svengali directed the North Sea kraken to head to the United Kingdom and got the creature to eat two power generators.

This “unexpected and unusual” event (in the words of British authorities) caused problems affecting vast swathes of England and Wales on Friday afternoon and into the evening.

London and most of southeast England were affected by the National Grid failure as were the Midlands, Southwest and Northeast of England and much of Wales.

Many trains and train stations went down (and people were stranded) including the famous King’s Cross station.

The situation was saved by a little 9-year-old girl named Amanda who was using spells from a Harry Potter book to try to bring 3 garden gnomes (who sat in the basket of a painted white bicycle lawn ornament on her house’s front lawn) to life.

The 3 gnomes who were named Wynkin, Blynkin and Nod stole Renfield’s sweet and sour shrimp (during the power outage in the Chinese restaurant he was sitting in at the time) and fed it to the North Sea kraken Krakenus Maleficentus when they saw him.

The North Sea kraken had a severe dietary allergy to shrimp and vomited up the two power generators it had eaten.

Eventually and slowly power was restored across England and Wales.

“And now you know the rest of the story,” Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws before falling asleep.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday August 9th
2019.

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The Kraken In Ethiopia

July 3, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Kraken In Ethiopia

After being sworn in as a Member of the European Parliament yesterday along with his wife Medusa and his British Transhumanist friends Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh vampiress Morgana, the Kraken and leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party Napoleon VI was currently in Addis Ababa Ethiopia.

Unlike members of the Brexit Party who showed bad taste and bad form by turning their backs on the European Union anthem as it was played in the European Parliament, the British Transhumanist and French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance MEPs did not do that.

Of course the Kraken, Medusa, Renfield and Morgana were all big fans of Beethoven and his Ode To Joy anyways so naturally they wouldn’t do that.

What brought the Kraken to Ethiopia was that the cyborg octopus Napoleon VI was hoping to upstage his French political rival Emmanuel Macron.

It had come to the Kraken’s attention that Macron was terribly fearful that Donald Trump’s lavish Washington DC 4th of July parade planned for tomorrow might well upstage the French President’s own Paris Bastille Day parade that would be held later this month.

However it had come to Macron’s attention that the famed Ark of the Covenant (made famous by Moses the Prophet and later Steven Spielberg) might possibly be residing in a monastery church in Aksum Ethiopia.

If Macron could convince the monk guardian of the Ark to temporarily loan it to France for this year’s Bastille Day parade, this would definitely upstage Trump and his hair raising toupee.

The Kraken, finding out about Macron’s plan, decided to go to Ethiopia himself and beat Macron’s Intelligence Service to the punch by tracking down the monk guardian of the Ark and asking him to loan it to France for this year’s Bastille Day Parade.

The Kraken visualized himself returning to Paris with a hero’s welcome as he got off the plane carrying the Ark of the Covenant in his 8 arms.

The Kraken however did not know anyone in Ethiopia who could guide him to the monastery.

Dracul Van Helsing however was friends with the Ethiopian Princess Ayesha (a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba) whom he had met in Jerusalem earlier this year.

Van Helsing had arranged for the Kraken to meet Princess Ayesha after arriving in Addis Ababa and Her Highness would take the Kraken to the monastery church in Aksum.

The Kraken went to meet Ayesha on the rooftop of her house in Addis Ababa.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 3rd
2019.

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