Pan Goatee Celebrates Emmanuel Macron’s Victory By Beheading A Few More Uglos

April 24, 2022 at 9:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

When Pan Goatee slays an uglo, you know that

In France Emmanuel Marcon had been re-elected President for a second term.

At the White House when senile old fool Joe Biden was informed of Macron’s win, he commented, “I thought it was that Gen. Charles Gaul guy or whatever his name was (I wonder if he’s related to Asterix the Gaul) who was President. You know the guy who wrote those Letters of Transit that Peter Lorre was killed for in the movie Casablanca.”

When British MP Renfield R. Renfield was informed of Macron’s win, he sighed, “Alas, the French people are no longer a great nation.”

In Calgary, genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had not heard the unhappy news of Macron’s win.

Instead he was sitting in a McDonald’s restaurant enjoying a Big Mac (currently on special for $4.99) and a Diet Coke and reading the complimentary newspaper.

Suddenly his happy time was ruined when a fat ugly blimp sat across from him and began staring at him.

“What are you staring at me for? Do you think I have incredibly bad taste in women like most Calgary white males and would ask you out on a date? You’re grossly mistaken as well as just gross,” Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x LOL etc. etc. pieces.

Goatee was so angry he up and left the McDonald’s and headed to the shopping mall across the parking lot.

When he entered the mall, there were two uglos sitting on a bench at the entrance.

“Who let all the two legged dogs out today?” Goatee beheaded the two uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Apparently the Norse trickster god Loki (who like most Calgary white males had incredibly bad taste in the females he knocked up himself) was in the city and had let the two legged dogs out.

Krampus once again was picking up the pieces of remains of Goatee’s aestheticaly inspired killing spree and taking them down to Tartarus.

Later when Goatee was walking home, he came across an uglo and her low IQ motonic boyfriend sitting on a park bench so he beheaded and dismembered them both.

Loki, who was busy banging both a Hillary Clinton and a Nancy Pelosi lookalike in a warehouse across the street, commented, “You’ve got to admire Pan Goatee’s panache. He keeps on going even though uglos keep popping up the heads on a Hydra when it battled Hercules.”

Goatee was almost home when he encountered a fat ugly blimp and her low IQ moronic husband standing in front of a very awful looking motor vehicle.

“I can’t have neighbours like you in the neighbourhood,” so he beheaded them both.

Meanwhile in Paris France, the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon was crying in his cognac, “The French have re-elected an imbecile for a second term.”

He then started shouting out loud, “A horse. A horse. My empire for a horse.”

His white horse Le Vizir arrived and Napoleon rode off getting as far away from France as possible.

-Sunday April 24th 2022.

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Empires Are Built On Bodies

March 4, 2022 at 10:05 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Anita Ekberg in 1956 film War and Peace

Writer Leo Tolstoy preferred peace to war
But his thinking is not to be found in the Kremlin these days
Nor in the halls of NATO
For CIA Director William J. Burns had put it into the ears of the Communist Chinese back in December 2021
That NATO was going to grant Ukraine NATO membership
The Communist Chinese naturally told Putin
And Putin made the decision to invade

For the American Deep State wants war
The military-industrial complex that Eisenhower
Warned about in his last days as President
Has become a satanic leviathan wanting to devour all

But the Washington Post, CNN and The New York Times won’t mention that
For they hate Putin
Putin is a Czarist-Monarchist (who sees himself as the new Czar)
And they the Washington Post, the New York Times and CNN
are all Neo-Bolshevik Communists
And they hate Czarism and monarchy

And today’s Department of Homeland Security
Likewise Neo-Bolshevik Communist
Along with the FBI and CIA
These government agencies
Want to crush individual freedom and liberty
Covid was the excuse to start doing it
And the vaccine was the opening shot
In the Mark of The Beast system
Proclaimed good by satanic AntiPope and False Prophet
Jorge Mario Bergoglio

The Great Reset would mark the end of individual nations
Borders would be open as Trotskyite billionaire George Soros
Would have have it
The population would be reduced as racist eugenicist Bill Gates
Would have it
Big Pharma would stand to make a lot of money
As Dr. Anthony Fauci (who made major investments in Big Pharma)
Would have it

In Canada, Neo-Stalinist would be despot Justin Trudeau
Would love to turn that country into a Communist state
Like his daddy Fidel did to Cuba
Aided by his Wicked Witch of the East
Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland
Whose mother was a Communist
And whose maternal grandfather
Was a Ukrainian Nazi

All around people wish to build Empires
Klaus Schwab wants a world government
Where everyone (except himself and a few other
Self-proclaimed Plato’s Republic elitists)
Would own nothing
And supposedly be happy

Putin wishes to rebuild the Russian Empire of his hero
Peter the Great
In 1812 Napoleon invaded Russia
210 years later
In 2022 Putin invades Ukraine

Empires are built on dead bodies
Whether a vaccine is used
Or guns and tanks
The end result is death

Matthew 24:28 says “Where the body is, there the eagles will be gathered together”
In Luke 17:37, it says “Where the body is, there also will the vultures gather”
In Greek, Matthew 24:28 refers to a live body
As eagles feed on live flesh
Whereas Luke 17:37 refers to a dead body as vultures feed on carcases

Matthew 24:28 refers to the Mass in the Catholic and Orthodox Churches
Where the living spiritual body of Christ is given

Luke 17:37 refers to this world
Which is transient and will someday pass away

Megalomaniacs like Napoleon, Soros, Schwab and Putin
Fancy themselves eagles
But really they are vultures

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday March 4th 2023.

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Napoleon Returns To Earth On His Coronation’s 217th Anniversary

December 2, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon Bonaparte the Emperor Napoleon I had returned to Earth up from the Underworld on this December 2nd 2021 which was the 217th Anniversary of his Coronation.

Napoleon and his wife Josephine had been crowned Emperor and Empress of France at Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 1804.

Napoleon vomited ectoplasm all over the place when he walked by a television screen that showed the architects’ plans for a Disney like theme park in the rebuilt Notre Dame Cathedral.

“This Emmanuel Macron should be removed from power for allowing such an abomination of desolation and incredibly bad taste to take place,” Napoleon’s ghost thought to himself.

This was a different opinion than Pope Francis had expressed to one of his aides when he remarked that “I always thought Mickey Mouse’s portrayal of the sorcerer (or was it his apprentice?) in the 1940 film Fantasia was the perfect animated film portrayal of my own personal God of Surprises. Therefore a Disney themed park Notre Dame in Paris is a perfect architectural display of my brilliantly written motu proprio issued Apostolic Letter Traditionis custodes.”

A Swiss cuckoo who escaped from a Swiss cuckoo clock crapped all over Jose Mario Bergoglio after he made the pronouncement.

As for Napoleon, he continued walking around London which was to be the beginning of his earthly mission.

He wasn’t quite sure what this mission was.

Nor was he sure of what caused his dispensational release from Purgatory.

He was just relieved that the three-headed dog Cerberus hadn’t bitten him when he left the Underworld.

. . .

The Set News Network was showing an old movie clip of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler giving a fiery speech at a Nuremberg rally.

For audio, the voice was not that of Hitler screaming but of Twitter’s new CEO Parag Agrawal screaming,

“The company’s rule going forward is not to be bound by the First Amendment. It is to focus less on thinking about free speech, but thinking about how the times have changed. Most people can speak. Well our rule is particularly to be emphasized who can be heard.”

A group of Twitter tweeting birds entered the Nuremberg stadium shouting in unison with their right legs extended, “Sieg heils. Sieg heils.”

. . .

Napoleon’s ghost walked by a pub which had a radio on.

This was the top of the hour news:

“A court has ordered the FDA to release its documents on the Pfizer vaccine. The first batch of documents shows that there were over 1,200 vaccine deaths within the first 90 days…”

“British MP Renfield R. Renfield has taken over that radio station,” UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson pulled his messy uncombed unkempt hair as he walked by, “That radio station is now reporting the facts. We can’t have that. This isn’t an episode of the old radio program Dragnet with Jack Webb with its emphasis on “Just the facts, ma’am. Just the facts.” This is supposed to be news. Not facts. Not truth.”

Johnson was kicked in the butt by a small teddy bear who was dressed in the army uniform of an early 19th Century French general.

“Where did that bear come from?” Napoleon’s ghost wondered.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 2nd
2021.

This French countess isn’t planning to attend anyone’s coronation in this new Abomination of Desolation revamped Disney themed Notre Dame Cathedral.

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In An English Country Garden

May 7, 2021 at 10:13 pm (books, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Charlotte in an English country garden

“Miss Charlotte?” Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I’m Charlotte Williams,” the woman smiled.

“The Emperor Napoleon is not with you?” Van Helsing inquired.

“He’s down at a village pub talking to a fellow named Renfield,” Charlotte answered.

“Trust Renfield to be up to speed on cosmic happenings,” Van Helsing had to admit.

“Come with me to the library,” Charlotte said.

“All right,” Van Helsing agreed.

In the library, Charlotte Williams handed Van Helsing a book Claudius’ History of The Etruscans.

“I thought this book was lost to history,” Van Helsing thumbed through it, “Let alone an English translation was available of it.”

“Napoleon had that book in his library in his house on the island of Saint Helena,” Charlotte walked into the country estate manor’s living room where there was a piano.

She sat down and played Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

“I wonder how it got here,” Van Helsing sat down in a chair with the book and listened to Charlotte play.

“I don’t know,” Charlotte continued to play.

Van Helsing’s smart phone rang.

He answered it and talked briefly.

“Talk to you soon, Whitstable,” Van Helsing put his smart phone back in his pocket.

“Whitstable?” Charlotte looked at Van Helsing.

“A friend of mine,” the vampire hunter explained.

“When the Emperor Napoleon was talking to the Phoenix Woman Andrea Angelicus, he said there were sketches on the second last page of that book Claudius’ History of the Etruscans,” Charlotte explained, “Sketches that Napoleon himself drew of visitors he saw a few days before he died. Sketches that he put in the book after they left. Napoleon after talking with Andrea said he’d give the sketches to Whitstable.”

Van Helsing went to the second last page of the volume and removed some very old looking pieces of paper.

He took a look at them.

They were sketches of ET T-Rexes emerging from a UFO flying saucer shaped craft.

“Sinister looking things,” Van Helsing noted, “I imagine Whitstable will be grateful to receive the sketches. But whoever these beings are, they look like super nasty and super tough customers.”

“Someone can defeat them,” Charlotte continued to play Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 7th
2021.

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The 200th Anniversary of Napoleon’s Death

May 5, 2021 at 10:49 pm (Education, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

It was 200 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte (Napoleon I Emperor of the French) died on the island of Saint Helena.

French President Emmanuel Macron marked the bicentary of Napoleon’s death by laying a wreath at Napoleon’s tomb at Les Invalides in Paris.

Macron in an address to the French nation said, “Napoleon is a part of us.”

“That’s very true,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield commented as he watched the address on television.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” His friend Amadeus Emanon asked.

“That is the 200 million franc Napoleonic gold coin question,” Renfield answered.

The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party laid a wreath at the original Napoleon’s tomb accompanied by his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

In the Underworld of Hades, the Greek deity Hades had received a request to grant Napoleon Bonaparte a temporary dispensational release from the realm of Hades to mark the 200th anniversary of his death.

“Are you going to do that?” One of Cerberus’ three heads asked.

“I’m mulling it over,” Hades replied as he sipped some mulled wine.

In the Elysian Fields where Napoleon was residing (he had spent some time in Purgatory but was still not eligible to enter the Paradise of the Blessed or the Heaven of the Saints so he now lived in the Elysian Fields where the heroes of pagan antiquity resided) the Emperor was walking through some of the Elysian gardens when he came across this vision,

“Oh, My God,” Napoleon cried out.

“Oh, the void, the void,” Charles Darwin cried from far far away on his rotating barbeque spit over an open flame down in Tartarus.

The woman turned and gazed in his direction, “You look like the Emperor Napoleon.”

“That’s because I am the Emperor Napoleon,” Napoleon said.

“My name is Charlotte,” said the woman, “And I apparently died on the same day you did. May 5th 1821. Although I was 30 years younger than you.”

“You sound English,’ said Napoleon.

“That’s because I am an Englishwoman,” Charlotte answered.

“I never did have good relations with the English,” Napoleon sighed.

“Maybe you should change that,” Charlotte smiled.

Meanwhile the 3-headed dog Cerberus was walking towards the Elysian Gardens.

One of Cerberus’ heads was carrying a temporary dispensational release from Hades for Napoleon.

Another of Cerberus’ heads was carrying a temporary dispensational release from Hades for Charlotte.

And the third of Cerberus’ heads was singing the song, “In an English country garden…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 5th
2021.

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The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

June 18, 2015 at 7:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

It was an octopus
with metallic hooks for tentacles
and could squeeze the life out of you
and puncture you at the same time
a stitch in time does not save nine
as it had killed 9 people today
as it slithered and made its way.

It had been an octopus once caught
in a net coldly fraught
cast by a mind
not hard to find
a mind thoroughly pragmatic and calculating
scientific progress at all cost was for him the thing
for him to achieve this, he’d stop at nothing.

He caught the octopus and went to the lab
for him beetles four were just not fab
he fed the radioactive Egyptian scarabs to the octopus
and let cosmic nature take its course for this.

The octopus became stronger
yes, not much longer
Then he filled the lab with temperatures cold
so this octopus would not be growing old
Then attached the robotic hooks to the tentacles
while silently laughed a god of pentacles.

And the dying from a fatal disease mad doctor then uploaded his consciousness into the beast
and then emerged from the tank prowling to see on whom he could feast.

Napoleon VI the talking cyborg octopus called himself
A name he chose having helped himself to bits of the Little Corporal’s brains on the shelf.

And so on this 200th Anniversary of Waterloo
the state of the human race will soon be through
As Napoleon VI rises from the depths of the very deep and encircles the globe
not having read the encyclical on Climate Change written by Rome’s bishop in white robe.

-A horror poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 18th
2015 on
The 200th Anniversary
of Napoleon’s defeat
at the Battle of Waterloo.

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Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

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Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

August 9, 2013 at 11:20 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

Since representatives of the Egyptian Army, interim government and Muslim Brotherhood all refused to meet Magog Rhys Petley, he decided to do the touristy thing and go see the Pyramids.

It was night time and the pyramids were illuminated by great searchlights.

Starlight appeared and a radio playing Nat King Cole singing Stardust could be heard in the distance.

There was a small cloud overhead and moonlight was breaking through the cloud.

Magog turned and saw a spectral figure resembling Napoleon Bonaparte.

“I am the ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte,” the figure spoke.

“Of course you are,” Magog sighed.

Gosh he was running into a lot of weird people this year.

“I was able to leave the Underworld of Hades because Cerberus abandoned his post for some reason, ” Napoleon explained.

“Of course he did,” Magog opened a bottle of Scotch whisky and started drinking from the bottle.

“As I was crossing the River Styx, the Greek Vampire Apollo appeared to me and said I was to give you advice on ruling the world,”  Napoleon pulled his hand out from under his jacket.

“Of course he did,” Magog’s eyes glazed  over into oblivion, “the Olympian’s knowledge of history doesn’t extend until the Battle of Waterloo in 1815?”.

“His directive confused me too,” Napoleon admitted, “especially since I drank a lot of water from the Underworld’s River of Forgetfulness the  River Lethe and so subsequently my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“No of course not, ”  Magog finished the bottle of whisky and started to loudly sing,  “Some enchanted evening you will meet a stranger… a very special stranger…”

“So I’ve returned to Egypt to meet you since you were here,” Napoleon reached his hand under his jacket again and pulled out a bottle of French brandy,  “plus it’s also 215 years ago this month that I lost the Battle of the Nile to that little English pipsqueak Nelson so I’ve returned to this land of my first major defeat.”

“That was August 1798 wasn’t it?” Magog recalled his schoolboy history lessons.

“Maybe this will help restore my memory,” Napoleon drank from the bottle of Brandy,  “the antidote to the waters of the River Lethe.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 9th 2013

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