In An English Country Garden

May 7, 2021 at 10:13 pm (books, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Charlotte in an English country garden

“Miss Charlotte?” Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I’m Charlotte Williams,” the woman smiled.

“The Emperor Napoleon is not with you?” Van Helsing inquired.

“He’s down at a village pub talking to a fellow named Renfield,” Charlotte answered.

“Trust Renfield to be up to speed on cosmic happenings,” Van Helsing had to admit.

“Come with me to the library,” Charlotte said.

“All right,” Van Helsing agreed.

In the library, Charlotte Williams handed Van Helsing a book Claudius’ History of The Etruscans.

“I thought this book was lost to history,” Van Helsing thumbed through it, “Let alone an English translation was available of it.”

“Napoleon had that book in his library in his house on the island of Saint Helena,” Charlotte walked into the country estate manor’s living room where there was a piano.

She sat down and played Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

“I wonder how it got here,” Van Helsing sat down in a chair with the book and listened to Charlotte play.

“I don’t know,” Charlotte continued to play.

Van Helsing’s smart phone rang.

He answered it and talked briefly.

“Talk to you soon, Whitstable,” Van Helsing put his smart phone back in his pocket.

“Whitstable?” Charlotte looked at Van Helsing.

“A friend of mine,” the vampire hunter explained.

“When the Emperor Napoleon was talking to the Phoenix Woman Andrea Angelicus, he said there were sketches on the second last page of that book Claudius’ History of the Etruscans,” Charlotte explained, “Sketches that Napoleon himself drew of visitors he saw a few days before he died. Sketches that he put in the book after they left. Napoleon after talking with Andrea said he’d give the sketches to Whitstable.”

Van Helsing went to the second last page of the volume and removed some very old looking pieces of paper.

He took a look at them.

They were sketches of ET T-Rexes emerging from a UFO flying saucer shaped craft.

“Sinister looking things,” Van Helsing noted, “I imagine Whitstable will be grateful to receive the sketches. But whoever these beings are, they look like super nasty and super tough customers.”

“Someone can defeat them,” Charlotte continued to play Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 7th
2021.

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The 200th Anniversary of Napoleon’s Death

May 5, 2021 at 10:49 pm (Education, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

It was 200 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte (Napoleon I Emperor of the French) died on the island of Saint Helena.

French President Emmanuel Macron marked the bicentary of Napoleon’s death by laying a wreath at Napoleon’s tomb at Les Invalides in Paris.

Macron in an address to the French nation said, “Napoleon is a part of us.”

“That’s very true,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield commented as he watched the address on television.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” His friend Amadeus Emanon asked.

“That is the 200 million franc Napoleonic gold coin question,” Renfield answered.

The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party laid a wreath at the original Napoleon’s tomb accompanied by his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

In the Underworld of Hades, the Greek deity Hades had received a request to grant Napoleon Bonaparte a temporary dispensational release from the realm of Hades to mark the 200th anniversary of his death.

“Are you going to do that?” One of Cerberus’ three heads asked.

“I’m mulling it over,” Hades replied as he sipped some mulled wine.

In the Elysian Fields where Napoleon was residing (he had spent some time in Purgatory but was still not eligible to enter the Paradise of the Blessed or the Heaven of the Saints so he now lived in the Elysian Fields where the heroes of pagan antiquity resided) the Emperor was walking through some of the Elysian gardens when he came across this vision,

“Oh, My God,” Napoleon cried out.

“Oh, the void, the void,” Charles Darwin cried from far far away on his rotating barbeque spit over an open flame down in Tartarus.

The woman turned and gazed in his direction, “You look like the Emperor Napoleon.”

“That’s because I am the Emperor Napoleon,” Napoleon said.

“My name is Charlotte,” said the woman, “And I apparently died on the same day you did. May 5th 1821. Although I was 30 years younger than you.”

“You sound English,’ said Napoleon.

“That’s because I am an Englishwoman,” Charlotte answered.

“I never did have good relations with the English,” Napoleon sighed.

“Maybe you should change that,” Charlotte smiled.

Meanwhile the 3-headed dog Cerberus was walking towards the Elysian Gardens.

One of Cerberus’ heads was carrying a temporary dispensational release from Hades for Napoleon.

Another of Cerberus’ heads was carrying a temporary dispensational release from Hades for Charlotte.

And the third of Cerberus’ heads was singing the song, “In an English country garden…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 5th
2021.

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The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

June 18, 2015 at 7:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

It was an octopus
with metallic hooks for tentacles
and could squeeze the life out of you
and puncture you at the same time
a stitch in time does not save nine
as it had killed 9 people today
as it slithered and made its way.

It had been an octopus once caught
in a net coldly fraught
cast by a mind
not hard to find
a mind thoroughly pragmatic and calculating
scientific progress at all cost was for him the thing
for him to achieve this, he’d stop at nothing.

He caught the octopus and went to the lab
for him beetles four were just not fab
he fed the radioactive Egyptian scarabs to the octopus
and let cosmic nature take its course for this.

The octopus became stronger
yes, not much longer
Then he filled the lab with temperatures cold
so this octopus would not be growing old
Then attached the robotic hooks to the tentacles
while silently laughed a god of pentacles.

And the dying from a fatal disease mad doctor then uploaded his consciousness into the beast
and then emerged from the tank prowling to see on whom he could feast.

Napoleon VI the talking cyborg octopus called himself
A name he chose having helped himself to bits of the Little Corporal’s brains on the shelf.

And so on this 200th Anniversary of Waterloo
the state of the human race will soon be through
As Napoleon VI rises from the depths of the very deep and encircles the globe
not having read the encyclical on Climate Change written by Rome’s bishop in white robe.

-A horror poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 18th
2015 on
The 200th Anniversary
of Napoleon’s defeat
at the Battle of Waterloo.

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Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

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Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

August 9, 2013 at 11:20 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

Since representatives of the Egyptian Army, interim government and Muslim Brotherhood all refused to meet Magog Rhys Petley, he decided to do the touristy thing and go see the Pyramids.

It was night time and the pyramids were illuminated by great searchlights.

Starlight appeared and a radio playing Nat King Cole singing Stardust could be heard in the distance.

There was a small cloud overhead and moonlight was breaking through the cloud.

Magog turned and saw a spectral figure resembling Napoleon Bonaparte.

“I am the ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte,” the figure spoke.

“Of course you are,” Magog sighed.

Gosh he was running into a lot of weird people this year.

“I was able to leave the Underworld of Hades because Cerberus abandoned his post for some reason, ” Napoleon explained.

“Of course he did,” Magog opened a bottle of Scotch whisky and started drinking from the bottle.

“As I was crossing the River Styx, the Greek Vampire Apollo appeared to me and said I was to give you advice on ruling the world,”  Napoleon pulled his hand out from under his jacket.

“Of course he did,” Magog’s eyes glazed  over into oblivion, “the Olympian’s knowledge of history doesn’t extend until the Battle of Waterloo in 1815?”.

“His directive confused me too,” Napoleon admitted, “especially since I drank a lot of water from the Underworld’s River of Forgetfulness the  River Lethe and so subsequently my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“No of course not, ”  Magog finished the bottle of whisky and started to loudly sing,  “Some enchanted evening you will meet a stranger… a very special stranger…”

“So I’ve returned to Egypt to meet you since you were here,” Napoleon reached his hand under his jacket again and pulled out a bottle of French brandy,  “plus it’s also 215 years ago this month that I lost the Battle of the Nile to that little English pipsqueak Nelson so I’ve returned to this land of my first major defeat.”

“That was August 1798 wasn’t it?” Magog recalled his schoolboy history lessons.

“Maybe this will help restore my memory,” Napoleon drank from the bottle of Brandy,  “the antidote to the waters of the River Lethe.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 9th 2013

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