The Femme Fatale Art Thief
The femme fatale art thief
The Taco Cat
I am the Taco Cat
I’ll never eat a rat
Because I am the Taco Cat
I missed my turn at bat
Because I am the Taco Cat
I was the designated hitter
And I certainly am no quitter
Cause I play for the Purry Tabbies
And we played the New York Cabbies
But I got a craving for taco
When I saw the umpire chew tobacco
And I said to myself, I have to go
Like Crockett at the Alamo
Because I desperately need a taco
Although you might think I’m wacko
So to the taco place I went
And now I’m pitching a tent
Cause I got thrown off the team
This was not a field of dreams
As the coach’s jacket came apart at the seams
So with a taco in my hand
I think to myself how grand
With coffee at my side
My caffeine habit I do not hide
But I’ll never eat a rat
Because I am the Taco Cat.
-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday September 15th
2022.
The Pirate Queen
A sight not to be forgotten once seen
This Seven Seas beauty who was the Pirate Queen
She went on many a raid and plunder
From Caribbean to Africa and a land Down Under
From the cold waves of Scotland’s North Sea
To the holy shores of Galilee
The Pirate Queen struck lust then terror in men’s hearts
Her name is still spoken on hushed lips in tropical parts
-A poem written by Chistopher
Wednesday August 24th 2022.
Trails West
She came on a locomotive train from the East
Not knowing if the Wild West would be famine or feast
She was looking for a man to marry
And eastern men were so boring and bland
She wondered about those who for law and order did stand
But there were plenty of villains in the Wild West
Gunslingers who put others to the test
And marshalls and sheriffs could be quite corrupt
She started to wonder if she left the East too abrupt
Until she met Mister William Main
A man who scouted the western plain
He was a man of integrity and honour
Did not eat the guided like expedition Donner
So Ingrid and William were wed
Wild and passionate was their marriage bed
Ingrid felt glad that she had come west
For the man she landed was one of the best
-A Wild West narrative poem
Written by Christopher
Friday August 19th
2022.
The Duck Called Samuel Puddlington Raises A Glass
The duck called Samuel Puddlington raised a glass
For he was no fowl pain in the ass
Unlike a certain Canadian PM
Known for his constant flow from a BM
The duck thought of flying to the Far East
But then thought Xi might make of him a Peking feast
Xi already threatened to shoot down Nancy Pelosi over Taiwan
News that Vladimir Putin took with a shrug and a yawn
Samuel Puddlington said “A toast! A toast!”
For of this champagne, he must make the most
The vintage was an excellent year of which few can boast
And the fish Samuel ate was fresh from the coast
Samuel was joined by his friends a frog and a hare
The frog contemplated AOC in lingerie wear
For he self-identified as human
Though he had an amphibian stare
-A Samuel Puddlington poem
written by Christopher
Saturday July 30th
2022.
Wild West Haiku Inspired By Marty Robbins
Out in West Texas
Town of El Paso there was
A Mexican girlRose’s Cantina
Was the place she’d be found
Her skirt polished the groundAs she whirled and twirled
Like the storm of a desert
Where n’eer bush was foundFelina was name
Of this pretty young maiden
Sent men’s hearts a-flayin’Many fell in love with
This Mexican maiden
That condom sales were arazin’Sheriff Joe Biden
Entered the cantina’s doors
Hunter’s came on the floorsLecherous sheriff
Sniffed the young maiden’s hair
As off went his underwearHe was soon filled with lead
And fell to cantina floor
Looking awful deadSuch was fair Felina
But her spell did not affect
Gay pope from Argentina-A series of haikus
written in 30 degrees Celsius heat
By Christopher
Which possibly has the same effects
As using hallucinogenic drugs
Friday July 15th 2022.
The Last Minutes of Don Chillinger
Mobster Don Chillinger with an admiring quartet of beautiful women
Mobster Don Chillinger; he had it all
Prohibition king of booze run from a Cleveland stall
Prohibition ended
His Rolls-Royce rearended
He left Ohio
Jilted Hawaii Five-O
Wound up in California
Where film stars are born – yeah
Started selling arms to the Japanese
So he could buy himself a huge deep freeze
As it was the ’30s, Pearl Harbor hadn’t happened yet
And Japan wished to wrap China in its Fascist net
But still FDR in the White House was concerned
And told J. Edgar Hoover who had just been de-wormed
So the trap was set
Hoover said, “You ain’t seen nothng yet”
Don Chillinger thought he had a plane to let
And desired to see a tequila sunset
Don Chillinger set out to the airport
Surrounded by fair maidens like a royal court
He walked towards the plane
Headed to New Spain
Now known as Mexico
The place he desired to go
The pilot in the plane called The Golden Eagle
Was dressed like a World War pilot goggle wearing beagle
He blew Chillinger away with the machine gun on the propeller
And Chillinger fell to the ground, his last words were “Tell her”
Tell her? Who? Which one of the fair ladies four?
We don’t know for Chillinger has gone through death’s door.
Hoover sitting in the back of his limousine
Definitely wasn’ looking clean
The sandwich he ate made him look a mess
And he wished he was wearing that one woman’s evening dress
J. Edgar Hoover wished he was wearing the evening dress of the woman in the far right of this photo
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday June 6th 2022
Carson Cody Albion and The Beauty In The Hotel Room
The Beauty In Carson Cody Albion’s Hotel Room
Carson Cody Albion Private Eye went to London town
And discovered London bridge wasn’t falling down
So he went back to his hotel and what he saw caused no frown
For on his bed was a beautiful woman in a very sexy gown
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday Night May 1st 2022
Lili Marleen At The Piano
Lili Marleen at the piano
It was approaching Christmas 1947
Thanksgiving was over
And the turkeys had been eaten
In those days turkeys didn’t sit
In the Oval Office
Like they do today.
LA Private Eye Carson Cody Albion
had headed north to San Francisco
It was a slight drizzle
As Albion wandered the streets
He saw a cocktail lounge
On the other side of where he stood
The Blue Pacific
It looked inviting
He crossed the street
And looked at the sign
Outside the cafe
It said
Lili Marleen singing here tonight.
Lili Marleen,
Albion lit a cigarette
And then blew smoke rings
And thought
Lili Marleen had been one of his favourite songs
Listening to on the radio
As America fought Hitler and Tojo
During the War Years of WWII.
It had originally been a First World War song
But brought back in this war
As Woodrow Wilson was shown to be wrong
For stating that the War of 1914-1918
Was the War To End All Wars
It was Vera Lynn
The woman called Yorkshire’s Rose
Who used to sing it
“Underneath the lantern
by the barrack gate
Darling I remember
The way you used to wait
‘Twas there that you whispered tenderly
That you loved me
You’d always be
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene…”
Carson Cody Albion walked into the bar
And there noticed a woman who was sitting atop the piano
Who presumably was Lili Marleen
“Hello, Mr. Albion,”
Lili Marleen smiled at him,
“I’m glad of all the cocktail lounges
in all the world
you chose to walk into this one”.
Albion smiled
He liked her welcoming demeanor
And her Humphrey Bogart Casablanca like reference
But most of all her welcoming demeanor
They danced together
Underneath the crystal globe on the ceiling
As the orchestra played
On this night in The Blue Pacific Lounge
She was his own Lili Marleen.
-A Carson Cody Albion poem
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 30th
2021.
Nocturnal Silhouette
Princess Anna Louise and her black winged horse Nocturnal Silhouette
Princess Anna Louise and her black winged horse Nocturnal Silhouette
Landed in the green meadows between forests
Anna Louise scanned the landscape with her eyes
While Nocturnal Silhouette stood proud and erect on his hind legs
Seeing nothing amiss, Anna Louise patted the head
of her aerodynamic equine and whispered,
“Let us go, my beloved Silhouette,
all is well in the land.
Today we are at peace.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday July 7th 2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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