Allatallahbel On A Desert Highway, Golgotha and DNA Altering Swedish Meatballs

March 14, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel on a desert highway in Nevada

It had recently come to the attention of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were investigating the mysterious death of Argentine adult film star Natacha Jaitt.

German Cardinal Walter Kasper had told her this investigation might prove hazardous to the pontificate of Pope Francis.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio had proved to be a very accomodating useful idiot to her Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Freemasonic allies.

Allatallahbel decided she better do something to end the investigation.

She had discovered their investigation had taken them to an Argentine run casino in Las Vegas Nevada.

Now it was taking them to a little known polar bear fur trading post in the Nevada desert which was proving to be a huge Donald Trump approved tax write-off for the Argentine run casino.

Allatallahbel put on her best desert highway hitchhiking attire on the road Agathor and Magog would be driving towards the money losing polar bear fur trading post:

Both men (who were not wearing seat belts) went flying through the windshields of their Budget Rent-A-Car Volkswagen when Magog hit the brakes upon seeing her.

. . .

DARPA contract assasin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had felt a craving for a Meatball Marinara sub sandwich at the Subway store in a nearby mall.

He had gone there and discovered to his horror that a ugly looking woman was already in line at the counter in front of him.

Goatee whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women promptly beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

He had lost his appetite upon seeing the ugly looking creature and decided to walk to a nearby discount supermarket to buy some bottles of generic brand Diet Cola.

He of course got in line behind a beautiful looking woman.

But then an ugly looking woman who was stupid as well as ugly that was in front of the beautiful looking woman had discovered that she had brought the wrong brands of pizza- the ones not on sale- and tried getting in Pan Goatee’s way to go get the properly discounted ones.

Goatee promptly beheaded the ugly looking airhead.

“To raise the collective IQ of the world and improve the Earth’s aesthetic beauty all in one stroke,” Goatee remarked as he put the astral laser machete back in his Clint Eastwood autographed Two Mules For Sister Sarah spaghetti western holster.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith inside one of the catacombs in Rome

Lilith was in one of the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

Near one of the tombs of the ancient Nephilim giants that the Vatican had kept hidden from the world for centuries.

On the grave of a rare Nephilim dwarf, Imhotep the Rome-based Egyptian souvenir vendor and former High Priest-Scientist of Ra was working overtime to save the Undead life of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.

He had found Kohler’s body after the latter had been shot with silver bullets fired at him by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing at the Latin numeral Clock of Thoth in London a couple of nights ago.

Imhotep had used a papal dirigible The Sindenburg to fly the body from London to Rome.

He had extracted the silver bullets from Kohler’s body while on the Sindenburg and then used a brew of extracts of three tana leaves (as recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to keep the SS vampire alive.

Now he was about to use a brew of extracts of nine tana leaves (also recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to restore full movement, life and consciousness back to the SS vampire.

Lilith smiled as she saw Kohler’s eyes open and then ask, “Does anybody know where I can buy some good Bavarian beer sausage?”.

. . .

The Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth was having a lunch of Guinness stout and pork pies with the Himalayan golden cobra serpent Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland a couple of years ago.

“Do you know what they’re now claiming in Pakistan?” Yaldabaoth asked Maitreya.

“No, what?” Maitreya asked as he used a New Age crystal healing stone (highly recommended by Tom Brady’s witch wife Gisele Bundchen) to try to re-heat his pork pie.

“That the recent Indian air strikes on Pakistan were part of a combined Hindu-Zionist plot to destroy Pakistan,” Yaldabaoth downed a full 72 ounce glass of Guinness, “and that Israeli Air Force pilots even participated in the air strikes on Pakistan.”

“How stupid can people get,” Maitreya remarked as using the New Age healing stone to re-heat his pork pie seemed to be going nowhere.

“I hope this won’t affect me any,” Yaldabaoth gorged down a whopping piece of pork pie, “my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom told the Neo-Platonist schools of Alexandria that I Yaldabaoth am the same entity as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews. She came up with this idea after going on a hallucinogenic trip when she drank some fermented juice that was given her by the Hindu moon god Soma. This idea has since passed into Gnosticism where many Gnostic groups are convinced that I’m a bumbling demi-urge who stupidly created the material universe- the same charge that’s leveled against Yahweh.”

“I think with your love of pork pies,” Maitreya threw away the New Age healing stone in disgust, “no one would mistake you for the god of the Hebrews.”

. . .


Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess ready to steal some DNA altering Swedish meat balls from a combined lab and kitchen in Stockholm.

The vampiress Golgotha had been sent to Stockholm Sweden by her mother the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

It had come to the attention of Lilith’s vast intelligence network that the Norse goddess Freya working in concert with the famous Swedish-Italian cook Chef Bjorg Jar (pronounced Yar) Dee had invented some DNA altering Swedish meatballs which, when consumed, gave people super human strength.

Lilith desired these DNA altering Swedish meatballs for the vast army of warriors she was building in Central Asia.

And now Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess would be battling the intelligence agencies of the world in the kitchens of Stockholm to get the secret recipe for these DNA altering Swedish meatballs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 14th
2019.

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Agathor Christie, Magog Rhys Petley and The Mysterious Death of Natacha Jaitt

March 5, 2019 at 11:24 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , )

London private eye Agathor Christie sat in his office along with his partner private eye Magog Rhys Petley.

Christie had been the British Conservative Member of Parliament for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds until his defeat by British Transhumanist candidate Renfield R. Renfield in the last UK general election.

Magog Rhys Petley on the other hand had been the British Labour Party Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge In Wales until his defeat by British Transhumanist candidate the Welsh vampiress Morgana Fay Lee in the last UK general election.

Since both men had lost their parliamentary seats to the same upstart political party, they decided to go into business together as private eyes.

A woman who looked like she was a young widow from the Victorian Age entered their office.

She wore a full length black dress, black veil and black hat.

Both men could tell by looking through the veil that the woman was young and exceedingly beautiful.

“Hello, senor,” the woman spoke in an Argentinian accent which Christie recognized as Argentinian since he had once vacationed in Buenos Aires.

“How can I help you?” Christie asked.

“I want you to investigate the death of a friend of mine Natacha Jaitt,” the woman said.

Natacha Jaitt was a former Playboy model and adult film star in Argentina who had spent much of her life fighting against the sex trafficking of children.

She had been due to testify against Gustavo Vera in two weeks time on the issue of trafficking of children.

But she was found dead of respiratory and multiple organ failure this past February 23rd.

Cocaine was found in the room but both her brother and her lawyer claimed she no longer used cocaine.

Last year on April 5th 2018, she had written a tweet that if she was ever found dead under mysterious circumstances, she did not commit suicide nor would she use drugs.

She would most likely have been murdered for opposing a pedophile sex ring in Argentina she said.

Gustavo Vera the man she was supposed to testify against headed an ostensibly anti-trafficking organization called the Alameda Foundation,

However in her research, Natacha Jaitt had made the claim that Vera just used the Alameda Foundation as a means to eliminate his competition in the sex trafficking industry.

Gustavo Vera was also a good friend of Pope Francis that the pontiff spoke to on a weekly basis.

In the video footage of investigating that Jaitt was doing on child sex trafficking, she ran into an Eastern European man who made the claim that Vera also trafficked children to influential figures in the Vatican including Pope Francis.

“What? Pope Francis himself?” Christie stopped the woman in the black veil.

“So the man said that Natacha interviewed,” the woman said, “I think any further evidence she had would have been part of her testimony. Along with her assertion that various youth soccer clubs and teams in Argentina trafficked in children for sexploitation purposes.”

“Well, if her allegations were true, I can see why she’s dead,” Magog Rhys Petley remarked.

“Will you take the case, senors?” The woman in the veil asked.

“Well, if her allegations involving Francis and the Vatican are true,” Magog gulped, “we’re dealing with one of the most powerful and ruthless network of criminals since the Borgia family ran the Papacy in the Renaissance. We might wind up dead as well.”

“I’m in,” Agathor Christie remarked calmly as he drank a cup of tea.

“Oh, what the heck,” Magog downed an entire bottle of vodka, “I’m in as well.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 5th
2018.

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