The Dream of Dulcinea Lucia

June 30, 2015 at 11:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Dream of Dulcinea Lucia

Dulcinea Lucia had had an eventful day.

The gypsy crystal ball reader who had her own psychic reading shop on London’s Carnaby Street had been given a replica statue of Neb-Senu as a gift earlier today.

Neb-Senu had been an Egyptian statue in a Manchester museum that had supposedly come to life a couple of years ago and had allegedly moved on its pedestal in its case in the museum.

For some reason, being given the replica statue had reminded her of a mysterious client that had come to her for a psychic reading a couple of years ago.

The man who came to her shop had the hairiest legs (for he had been wearing Bermuda shorts) and the hairiest palms (for she had also done a palm reading for him) that she had ever seen.

He had called himself Pan Goatee.

(For more background on the relationship between Neb-Senu and Pan Goatee please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/the-moving-statue/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2013/06/28/pan-goatee-and-neb-senu/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2013/07/07/pan-goatee-and-neb-senu-in-bethlehem/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/magog-rhys-petley-and-pan-goatee/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/the-mummy-the-wolfman-and-the-serial-killer/

After receiving the gift, Dulcinea Lucia had gone to a London art gallery with a friend to gaze at portrait paintings of various historical and mythological figures from history.

But now the incredibly sexy dark eyed and raven haired gypsy beauty lay in bed in her London apartment and drifted off to sleep where her mind was filled with images she had seen during the day.

She then dreamed a dream.

In her dream, she saw the Byzantine Emperor Justinian standing on the steps of the Lenin Mausoleum in Red Square shaking hands with a smiling and grinning resurrected Lenin.

She later found herself on Panepistimiou Street in Athens where she saw Mammon the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce pulling the plug on a toilet in the Bank of Greece while the Germanic god Wotan looked on approvingly.

She then stood on the Acropolis where she saw Vladimir Putin standing at the top of the steps to the Acropolis with his arms totally outstretched in a Cross like fashion.

Even though Dulcinea Lucia recognized the figure as Putin, he was also wearing the beard and the Byzantine like robes of Christ that she had seen in certain Russian Orthodox icons.

A figure resembling Karl Marx (though he looked more like a combination of Marx and the bearded Greek god Zeus) fell at the Putin-Christ’s feet and then kissed the Putin-Christ’s right hand and said, “My Lord and my God.”

“Behold the Saviour of the Greeks,” a figure below the hill of the Acropolis shouted.

The figure was none other than Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras.

A large crowd of people waving Syriza and Communist banners cheered behind him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 30th
2015

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The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer

August 8, 2013 at 6:14 pm (Commentary, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer

The flight to Cairo was indeed a long one.

Pan Goatee explained to Magog Rhys Petley that this was his first time on a plane as he usually astral projected with his astral body to various destinations all over the world.

Magog buried his head in his hands and then ordered another buttermilk from the flight attendant.

However Pan Goatee continued to drone on coincidentally at the same time a U.S. drone flew by carrying a sign that said Yemen or bust.

Pan explained that he had gone down to the airport in person to see what trouble he could cause there.

“I’m a musician by profession but serial killing is my hobby,” Pan Goatee remarked as he played on his harmonica a short piece from the theme music to Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Psycho.

“What do you do? Bore your victims to death?” Magog wondered to himself.

“So anyways I was down at the airport trying to see what trouble I could cause,” Pan droned on as the U.S. drone exploded in a self-induced suicide bombing brought on by the motormouth satyr’s constant blabbering, “and I happened to see you. And I noticed you carried in your body the spirit of my friend Neb-Senu.”

This time Magog ordered a triple whisky when the flight attendant came around again.

Pan Goatee explained that the last time he had seen his extraterrestrial and ancient Egyptian friend was when Neb-Senu had become trapped in a test tube in a doctor’s office in the West Bank town of Bethlehem.

Magog did have to wince when Pan Goatee mentioned the name of the doctor.

It was the same doctor he had visited in Bethlehem to get a shot for a possible sexually transmitted disease after he had paid a nocturnal visit to the town prostitute a beautiful and alluring and mysterious redheaded woman who called herself Lilith- a woman whom the townspeople said was a vampiress.

So Pan explained that when he saw Magog at the British Airways boarding gate to Cairo with the spirit of Neb-Senu inside the portly Welsh baritone’s frame, he decided to use a credit card from his most recent victim (his victim being dead, he would be unable to phone in to cancel it) to purchase a ticket on the same flight as Magog.

“And that’s how I’m here beside you,” Pan grinned.

Magog finished his sixth triple whisky and then despite being an atheist, said a silent prayer of thanks to Allah when the plane’s Captain announced that they’d soon be landing in Cairo.

Mercifully for Magog as well, Pan Goatee was detained by Egyptian Customs for not having a visa and so the Welsh werewolf British Labour MP was able to hail a taxi to his hotel without the obnoxious and monotonously boring and boastful serial killer following him.

But that was yesterday.

Magog awoke to the sound of The Beatles singing “I believe in yesterday…” on the alarm clock radio next to him.

He got up and went over to the dressing room table mirror (a 19th Century antique that had once belonged to a magician).

As he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought he momentarily caught a glimpse of a ghostly spectral figure of an ancient Egyptian mummy inside his body.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 8th
2013.

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Magog Rhys Petley and Pan Goatee

August 7, 2013 at 7:10 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog Rhys Petley and Pan Goatee

As Magog Rhys Petley sat in his seat on the British Airways plane bound for Egypt, a man in Bermuda shorts sat next to him.

Magog noticed the man had goat’s legs and this wasn’t the feature item on the plane’s dinner menu.

Magog decided to make polite conversation,  “Has anyone ever told you that you have goat’s legs?”.

“That’s because I’m a satyr like in Ancient Greek mythology,” Pan Goatee helped himself to a martini from a passing flight attendant’s tray, “I’m half-man and half-goat.”

“Oh of course, naturally,”  Magog nodded.  He hadn’t recalled having had that much to drink in the airport lounge.

“The name’s Goatee,”  the satyr shook his martini,  “Pan Goatee.”

“Rhys Petley,” the British MP ordered a glass of buttermilk from the attractive brunette flight attendant, “Magog Rhys Petley.”

“Did you know that your body is inhabited by the spirit of a friend of mine?”  Pan Goatee asked,  “The spirit of Neb-Senu entity from planet Nibiru who sojourned in ancient Egypt eons ago and was the spirit behind the moving rotating statue in the Manchester Museum?”.  

Atheistic Marxist Magog Rhys Petley buried his head in his hands.

He started to wonder whether there wasn’t some spiritual force present in the Universe that was trying its hardest to get people to give up drinking?

When he had passed a neighbour’s apartment in the hallway recently where an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was taking place, he had overheard the evening’s speaker say that he decided to give up drinking when he saw the 3-headed dog Cerberus walk by the window of the pub in which he was drinking.

A few nights later when he had backslidden (like a Pentecostal televangelist on his umpteenth visit to a whorehouse),  the same 3-headed dog Cerberus had appeared to him on the street and asked him for directions on how to get to the Palace of Westminster.

Magog Rhys Petley caught a glimpse of the shapely black silk nylon clad legs of the short skirted attractive brunette flight attendant as she walked past down the aisle.

Then he noticed the furry goat’s legs of the strange individual in the Bermuda shorts sitting next to him.

He sighed.

It was going to be a long trip to Cairo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2013

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7/11 Day 2013

July 11, 2013 at 10:39 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Mr. President,” the Secretary of State John Kerry addressed Barack  Obama, “we’ve got a response from the Chinese government over our strongly worded protest to them over Edward Snowden being allowed to leave the Hong Kong territory to go to Russia.”

“And what’s their response?” President Obama asked.

“Well it’s addressed to you personally sir,”  Secretary Kerry noted.

“Really?” The President looked quizzical, “What is it?”.

Secretary Kerry winced as he spoke it,  “They tell you to go —- yourself.”

“What?!” The President was livid, “How dare they?  Don’t they know that I’m the President of the United States?”.

                     *          *            *

“Of course I do,”  Chinese President Xi Jinping said as he fed a thousand year old egg to the dog under the table (a dog whose bark he did not like),  “that’s why I said it.”

The dog would never bark again.

                   *           *          *

Russian President Vladimir Putin sighed,  “The United States is becoming more and more arrogant with each passing day.  They’re treating other leaders of the world the same way Germany treated other European leaders back in the 1930s.”

                      *           *           *

Syrian President Bashar Assad looked at the document in front of him and said,  “Gentlemen, it’s time we carry out Project Asmodeus.”

None of his generals voiced disagreement.

                  *           *          *

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set looked at the unfolding chaos in Egypt being shown on the TV by BBC News and spoke to his valet, “You know Athelstan, none of this would be happening if Papa Ra had appointed me Pharaoh of Egypt instead of Osiris millennia ago.”

“Indeed, sir,”  Athelstan handed his boss a two minute boiled egg along with some toast and jam.

                 *         *          *

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was sitting inside the doctor’s office in the hospital in Bethlehem.

The Welsh werewolf was feeling somewhat sheepish.

He was here because he feared that he may have picked up a sexually transmitted disease from the town harlot- a beautiful and alluring and mysterious red headed woman who called herself Lilith.

The physician went over to the test tube filled with the penicillin and inserted a syringe.

He then took the syringe and injected Magog Rhys Petley.

And that’s how the spirit of Neb-Senu mysterious entity from planet Nibiru who had once sojourned in ancient Egypt and who had recently possessed a moving ancient Egyptian statue in a Manchester museum entered the body of Magog Rhys Petley.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday evening
  July 11th 2013

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Pan Goatee and Neb-Senu In Bethlehem

July 7, 2013 at 9:09 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and his friend the spirit of the statue of Neb-Senu had astral projected themselves to the town of Bethlehem in the West Bank.

Pan Goatee had not only taught himself the art of astral projection the past few weeks but had also recently mastered the ability to shapeshift into other human forms.

He shape shifted into the appearance of a West Bank Jewish settler and went into a Palestinian neighbourhood and slaughtered a bunch of Palestinian children.

He then shapeshifted into the appearance of a fighter member of the Fatah al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade and went into a nearby Jewish settlement and slaughtered a bunch of Jewish settler children.

“Nothing like starting a shit load of trouble between people,” Pan Goatee shapeshifted into Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow and winked at Neb-Senu.

They then astral projected themselves into the doctor’s office of a hospital in Bethlehem to see what trouble they could cause there.

The doctor was out of his office but the TV was on and the satellite had picked up a transmission of an old 1960s American TV program Batman.

“Unholy smokeless fire, Batman,” Robin the Boy Wonder shouted to the Caped Crusader.

The jinn in the test tube in the doctor’s office thought he was the one being talked about and looked towards the TV screen.

That’s when he noticed the astral bodies of Pan Goatee and Neb-Senu.

The jinn (who was of the Marid variety of jinn) had been imprisoned in the test tube for a few months now.

He had been told in a vision that the only way he could escape was to get another entity to take his place.

The jinn noticed one of the entities appeared to be Egyptian and the other entity appeared to be a bad impersonation of American actor Johnny Depp as pirate Captain Jack Sparrow.

Inside the test tube, the Marid jinn shapeshifted into an alluring female Egyptian Sila jinn who sang a sweet song of seduction in Egyptian to the entity known as Neb-Senu.

Eagerly, Neb-Senu astral projected into the test tube allowing the Marid jinn to make his escape.

The Marid jinn quickly astral projected himself into the direction of the Mediterranean Sea.

When Pan Goatee saw that his friend Neb-Senu could not astral project himself out of the test tube, all he could say was “Oh shit.”

Pan then astral projected himself to a Gypsy crystal ball reader on London’s Carnaby Street for advice.

Meanwhile in another section of the hospital, Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley in his booming Welsh voice said, “I declare this maternity ward officially open…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday evening circa 7 PM
July 7th 2013

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Pan Goatee’s Latest Astral Projection Encounters Powerful Force

July 5, 2013 at 5:49 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Serial killing satyr Pan Goatee decided he’d once again astral project to the Vatican- this time with his new found friend the spirit of Neb-Senu who possessed the moving ancient Egyptian statue in the Manchester Museum.

 

But this time as he tried it, some powerful force or possibly a powerful entity prevented him from entering the Vatican grounds.

 

                                 .       .      .

 

Earlier that day, Pope Francis and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI had jointly consecrated a new statue of Saint Michael The Archangel in the Vatican.

 

To be continued.

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Pan Goatee and Neb-Senu

June 28, 2013 at 3:18 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the serial killing satyr 

pan piper and roller skater 

half-man half goat 

he’ll slit your throat   

or maybe your gut 

but if you’ve got one testicle 

he’ll spare your nut 

he is wanted by DARPA 

because without a magic carpa’  

he can astral project 

like invisible stealth jet 

and wander across the globe 

cutting off an ear lobe  

and then added it to Van Gogh’s self-portrait 

 

causing museum curators to have a fit
and now he’s in a museum again
like it’s his personal play pen
saying to the statue of Neb-Senu
who some proposed to hold down with glue,
“Come astral project with me.”
Statue replied, “But first I have to pee.”
In the Manchester Museum’s washroom a great commotion
as Egyptian statue sings, “Come on do the locomotion…”

-Written by Christopher
Friday afternoon
June 28th 2013.

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The Moving Statue

June 27, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Horror, Humour, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

As Pan Goatee serial killer slashed the fat ugly female cyclist to death

making sure the aesthetically facially challenged blimp was devoid of breath,

the statue of Neb-Senu

being from planet Nibiru

moved in its glass case in Manchester 

dancing like Jack Benny’s butler Rochester

in this museum inspired by the Muses nine 

spirit beings found it fine

especially entity Neb-Senu

when he moved from Park Avenue

when the Wall Street banker he did possess

lost an encounter with a bus in much distress

so it returned to its statuely home 

devoid of constantly ringing phone 

into the statuette donated in 1933 

the year Hitler took Germany 

and stamped it with his destiny 

a statue made about 1800 B.C. 

when desert devil gods roamed free 

and the Nile River took its star Sirius-ly

what rough beast?  Its hour come round at last 

stops at McDonald’s for breakfast? 

one slouching towards Bethlehem 

waiting to be born 

a statue that moves 

at blast of car horn.  

It eventually moves 180 degrees 

but moves even more 

at a patron’s sneeze.

 

-A poem written by Christopher 

 Wednesday afternoon 

 June 26th 2013

 inspired by reports 

 of a moving Egyptian statue 

 in a Manchester museum.

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