Renfield’s Past Forays Into The Theatrical Arts

June 15, 2017 at 3:12 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Musicals, Stage, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Britain’s The Sun newspaper decided to do a story on newly elected British MPs.

The first MP selected was Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

He was one of two MPs elected for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.

Allthough Mr. Renfield founded the British Transhumanist Party in 2013, he was ousted as Party Leader in 2015 after the British Transhumanist Party’s disastrous showing in the May 2015 UK General Election.

He was replaced by Welsh songstress Morgana Fay Lee (who some people call the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) as Party Leader.

Morgana Fay Lee was likewise elected an MP in her constituency of Newbridge in Wales.

After their two parliamentary electoral victories in this past June 8th UK General Election, Morgana announced she was stepping aside as Party leader saying she was unable to carry out much duties in the daytime (further leading to speculation that she’s a vampiress).
Welsh Vampiress Morgana
Welsh Vampiress Morgana After Twilight

Although Mr. Renfield R. Renfield is a long-time Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the British firm Set Enterprises (owned by the billionaire Egyptian Mr. Sol Invictus Set), he is best known for his forays into the field of theatrical arts.

A Clockwork Orange
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s West End London’s stage production of Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange.

Puccini's Madame Butterfly
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s production of Puccini’s Madame Butterfly.

My Fair Lady
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s production of the musical My Fair Lady.

Hot Girls In Love
A scene from the music video Renfield R. Renfield shot for the song Hot Girls In Love.

Alice In Wonderland
And upon not seeing either the March Hare or the Mad Hatter anywhere in sight, Alice poured tea for herself.
-From the Renfield R. Renfield production of Alice In Wonderland.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 15th
2017.

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana: Never appeared in a Renfield R. Renfield production thus saving her musical and artistic career and allowing her to be elected to Parliament.

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Election Analysis of Welsh Vampiress Morgana’s Election Victory

June 10, 2017 at 3:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was spending his Saturday in the kitchen of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion celebrating his past Thursday’s election victory having been elected Member of Parliament for the Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds Constituency (a constituency he had only chose to run in because its then MP Agathor Christie of the Conservatives had dared to appear in an Internet photo with Renfield’s personal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the night before British Prime Minister Theresa May called the surprise UK election).

“Yes, quite often those embarrassing Internet photos can end a politician’s political career,” Amadeus Emanon remarked while thinking sympathetically about Agathor Christie’s humiliating electoral loss of over 17,000 votes to Renfield.

“Running in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds was the best political decision I ever made,” Renfield grinned seeing as how he only got 1 vote running as a Transhumanist candidate in the constituency of London-Collingwood Hills (where Set’s colossal London mansion was located) in the 2015 UK General Election and had received 0 votes running as an Independent, a Democrat and a Republican in last year’s U.S. Presidential election.

“Don’t be so smug,” Amadeus commented as he ate his pigeon pie, “if ISIS hadn’t launched terrorist attacks on Manchester and London, you’d never have been elected. Something Allah will no doubt tell the attackers as He sends them straight to Hell, do not pass Go, do not receive a Get Out of Hell Free Card and Do Not Collect 72 Dark-Eyed Virgins.”

“Wow, that’s a pretty brilliant and profound statement coming from you, Amadeus,” Renfield was impressed.

“Thanks,” Amadeus drank his Coca-Cola.

“I wonder how the Welsh Vampiress Morgana managed to win her seat in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge defeating longtime incumbent Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley by over 300 votes,” Renfield mused aloud.

“According to political analysts in most newspapers,” Amadeus ate his grilled cheese sandwich, “it was probably the photo of her appearing live on stage with Ariana Grande at the One Love Manchester concert that sealed her election victory.”

“What?” Renfield turned red with rage and apoplexy, “how come Ariana Grande posed for a photo with the Welsh Vampiress Morgana but Ariana Grande wouldn’t pose for a photo with me?”.

“Probably because you’re a jackass and the Welsh Vampiress Morgana isn’t,” Amadeus answered.

“Thank you for your blunt honesty, Amadeus,” Renfield remarked sarcastically.

“You’re welcome,” said Amadeus not bothering to take note of the sarcasm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 10th
2017.

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Renfield Elected MP By A Landslide

June 9, 2017 at 4:41 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield representing the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party has won his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by a landslide defeating his closest opponent sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agamemnon Thor Christie (often called Agathor Christie for short) by over 17,000 votes.

Most commentators and political analysts agree that it was Renfield’s Tuesday June 6th 2017 attack on an ISIS training camp in Libya earlier this week in which Renfield had illegally sent members of the British Brigade of Gurkhas in and tied explosives to the ISIS members’ tiny testicles that were then blown up after Renfield had appeared to them in holographic form and recited one of the numerous witty poems he’s famed for writing (See https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/06/06/renfields-attack-on-isis-camp-in-libya/ )

It was this raid that caught the imagination of the British public (and the condemnation by the country’s politically correct elites) in the wake of the Manchester and London terrorist attacks which led to Renfield’s landslide victory in his Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds Constituency says Manchester University political science professor Churchill Thatcher.

Nonsense, say the membership of the Tewkesbury Sex Addicts and Nymphomaniacs Association, it was Renfield’s call for “greater sexual intercourse among Britons” that led to his overwhelming victory.

On the evening of Wednesday June 7th earlier this week, British Prime Minister Theresa May was wanting Renfield R. Renfield charged with high treason for his unauthorized use of the British Brigade of Gurkhas in his own personal not officially sanctioned raid on an ISIS training camp (Mrs. May now presides over a hung parliament and a minority government).

The high treason charge was immediately vetoed by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II after Renfield had jumped in and saved one of her beloved Pembroke Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool…”

“It’s a good thing,” Renfield grinned while reading the Manchester Guardian article on his landslide election victory, “that no one and especially the Queen noticed that I was the one who pushed the corgi in the swimming pool in the first place so I could earn the Queen’s unending gratitude by diving in and rescuing it.”

Renfield went back to reading the article…

Renfield will be having a fellow Transhumanist joining him in Parliament.

Welsh songstress Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claim is an ancient vampiress and the alleged niece of the sorceress Morgan Le Fay of Arthurian fame) defeated sitting incumbent Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley (who some people claim is a werewolf) by over 300 votes in the constituency of Newbridge in Wales.

Renfield R. Renfield and the Welsh Vampiress Morgana will be taking their seats as Transhumanist MPs in the Westminster Parliament sometime in the next few weeks…

“Wow,” the South African cultural attache Lepardia Marango thought to herself as she read the Manchester Guardian article, “I dated both Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley and Conservative MP Agathor Christie in the past and now both have been defeated by British Transhumanist candidates.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 9th
2017.

Lepardia Marango
Lepardia Marango: Did her dating of two British MPs cause the election of two Transhumanists to the UK Parliament?

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Renfield’s Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder

May 13, 2015 at 7:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder

Renfield R. Renfield the leader of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party was lying on the sofa in the living room.

His eyes were glazed as if he were in a total state of shock (or had been listening to Paris Hilton giving an oral presentation analyzing the Liebestod in Tristan und Isolde).

Renfield was suffering from PEDSD or Post-Election Defeat Stress Disorder.

All 11 of his independent candidates running on his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party platform (including himself) had gone down to defeat in last Thursday’s United Kingdom General Election.

Ten of them had wound up in last place in their respective constituencies including himself Renfield R. Renfield.

And he had done the worst of all the candidates running on behalf of his party- he had received only one vote in his constituency of London Collingwood Hills where his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set’s colossal London mansion was located.

This further sent Renfield into a state of agony as if he were receiving a major enema up the bowels of his netherworld.

“Since I know I voted for myself,” Renfield wept to Athelstan the mansion’s butler and Amadeus Emanon the mansion’s resident concert pianist, “since I always vote for the best candidate, what this means is that neither of you nor the Boss voted for me.”

Both Athelstan and Amadeus looked at Renfield but said nothing.

The independent candidate for his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party who had done the best was the Welsh Vampiress Morgana (a niece of the sorceress Morgan Le Fay of Arthurian fame) who had come in second behind Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge.

Now there was a call among the country’s science-fiction loving nerds who made up the bulk of the party’s membership that Renfield be dumped as party leader and replaced with Morgana.

So Renfield had rented a Darth Vader costume along with a pair of Mr. Spock ears (that he’d place on either side of his Darth Vader helmet) to give a live webcast speech to the party’s membership tonight defending his leadership.

Renfield picked up from the coffee table a copy of the speech he had written to deliver to the party later that evening.

The speech began, “My fellow Transhumanists, I may never have owned a dog called Checkers but I once played the game of Chinese checkers…”

He put down the speech, sat back on the sofa and looked depressed again.

Amadeus put on the radio to listen to the program The Galloping Guru- a self-help and motivational program hosted by a New Age speaker who gave beatitudes of inspiration and enlightenment while riding on a horse through the Tennessee countryside.

As the emergency sound of a train whistle blowing and the anguished neighing of a horse could be heard, this was then followed by a moment of silence.

Then the somewhat agonized voice of the not-so-Galloping Guru spoke while ambulance sirens were heard in the background, “I’m reminded of something Robert Downey Jr. once said… Just because you hit bottom doesn’t mean you have to stay there.”

“Just because you hit bottom doesn’t mean there aren’t other movie roles out there besides the male lead in Fifty Shades of Grey either,” Renfield remarked in punishing fashion.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 12th
2015.

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Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

April 13, 2015 at 5:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield were listening to the World News Report on the radio.

“And this news just in,” said the announcer, “emergency crews were called to the new Presidential Palace in Ankara Turkey after Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan got his zipper stuck while taking a leak in one of the 500 gold-plated bathrooms in the Palace.
The incident, reminiscent of that famous scene with Ben Stiller in the 1998 film There’s Something About Mary that also starred Cameron Diaz, occurred when President Erdogan heard on the radio that Pope Francis had described the Ottoman Empire’s mass killing of 1.5 million Armenians 100 years ago as a “genocide”.
Francis made the declaration in a ceremony at the Vatican yesterday.
The announcement apparently did not go well with the Turkish President’s attempt to relieve himself…”

. . .

At an all-candidates’ forum in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge, the topic was Foreign Affairs,

Someone brought up the matter of the recent Zippergate Affair involving Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

“Well,” said the Welsh Vampiress Morgana representing the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party, “if I had been there, I’d have kicked Mr. Erdogan in the balls.”

“That would be great if Recep Tayyip Erdogan had any balls,” interjected Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley, “if Mr. Erdogan wasn’t such an inherent sniveling coward (to say nothing of being a petty despotic tyrant and an impotent bedwetter with a small penis), he’d acknowledge his country’s despicable role in perpetrating this crime against the Armenian people and this crime against humanity.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 13th
2015.

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