Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp

February 23, 2022 at 11:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth

Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.

That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.

Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.

He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.

And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).

Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.

Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.

Especially many of the white women.

Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.

Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.

He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.

Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.

As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,

“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”

The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.

While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.

The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.

All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.

Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.

Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.

In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.

Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.

. . .

The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.

Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.

For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.

Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.

As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.

As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.

Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.

Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.

And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.

Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.

The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?

As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.

When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.

“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.

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Athena Offers Four Peaches

January 28, 2022 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom stood on an balcony in the Italian city of Syracuse.

Next to a table on which was placed an ancient marble bust of Alexander the Great.

In a dish was 4 peaches.

Lined up in front of Athena were the ghosts of 4 great world conquerers Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Caesar Augustus and Napoleon Bonaparte.

Athena picked up a peach and handed it to Alexander’s ghost.

Then she handed out the three other peaches to the three other world conquerers.

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod watched the spectacle.

“Do you think those ghosts will be able to eat physical peaches?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus.

Asmodeus lit a cigarette and shrugged.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who had forgotten that he was supposed to be isolating for five days after the thrice-boostered Neo-Stalinist tyrant announced that he had come down with Covid having got a Covid test at 1 AM in the morning a couple of nights earlier, stood (it was a good thing he was standing after having his buttocks thoroughly tomatoed by London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the night before) in front of the brainless mainstream media and announced, “These truckers in the convoy are descending on Ottawa to destroy democracy.”

Behind the Neo-Stalinist tyrant (who was only dressed in a pair of diapers) stood the ghosts of Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Tse-tung and baby Justin’s possible father Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

The 5 ghosts applauded baby Justin as he spoke against the truckers.

Meanwhile at the front of the truck convoy, the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and the great Metis general Gabriel Dumont were riding.

. . .

Many branches of Canada’s RCMP are rapidly becoming replicas of Heinrich Muller’s Gestapo and Lavrentiy Beria’s Stalinist NKVD.

The Hutterite colony of Winnipeg graciously offered to prepare a feast for all the B.C., Alberta and Saskatchewan truckers in the convoy arriving in Winnipeg a couple of days ago.

The meal was to be served at the Flying J truck stop in Winnipeg.

But the RCMP blocked all Flying J entrances and exits so the trucks and their drivers could not access the parking lot.

So the Hutterites drove 2.5 hours from Winnipeg Manitoba to Kenora Ontario (the next major truck stop) and served the food to all the truck convoy drivers there.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 28th
2022.

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Asmodeus Discusses Latin Tridentine Mass With Nimrod

July 19, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The chain smoking cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome restaurant having spaghetti and meatballs with the little green frog Nimrod.

“Why is Pope Francis trying to get rid of the Latin Tridentine Mass?” Asked Nimrod.

“Because it’s preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus answered.

“It is?” Nimrod stuck his tongue out to capture a fly.

“Yes, His Satanic Majesty has been puzzled as to what is preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus explained, “He thought he hit the big time with Napoleon. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Lenin. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Hitler. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Stalin. He didn’t. So he decided to name an infernal committee made up of Baal, Baphomet and Pachamama the Inca she-dragon who’s also the Inca earth mother goddess to investigate the matter shortly after Stalin kicked the bucket. The committee came up with the idea that it was the Latin Tridentine Mass that was preventing the Advent of the Antichrist. So His Satanic Majesty caught Pope John XXIII off guard one day and whispered in his ear to call the 2nd Vatican Council. Which Good Pope John did. John died within a year after the Council opened and Cardinal Montini was elected Pope taking the name Paul VI. A few of Paul’s advisors were under the complete control of His Satanic Majesty. After the Council finished in December 1965, Paul named the Freemason Annibale Bugnini to compose a new liturgy for the Church. Bugnini came out with the Novus Ordo Mass (designed to bring about the New World Order) which Paul VI promulgated in 1969 and the new liturgy was said in most parish churches throughout the world beginning in 1970. Except for French Archbishop Marcel Lefebvbre and the Society of Saint Pius X. The next decades saw the advent of the two Bushes and Bill Clinton who helped push the New World Order on America and the world. It continued under the Marxist Saul Alinsky inspired community organizer Barack Obama. Donald Trump was too much of a narcissist to follow the dictates of the New World Order elite so he had to be pushed out of the way. Pope Francis brought an idol of the demon Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens and later into Saint Peter’s Basilica itself. The result of that was to inspire the supernatural forces to bring about the release of Covid-19. All churches were shut down because of Covid. Within the Catholic Church the only groups who remained open without wearing masks and social distancing were those that practiced the Latin Tridentine Mass- the Society of Saint Pius X, the Fraternal Society of Saint Peter and the Institute of Christ The King Sovereign Priest. The Antichrist was supposed to arrive in 2020. But thanks to the Latin Tridentine Mass being said, he didn’t. So His Satanic Majesty (who’s Pope Francis’ god of surprises) directed his gay maidservant Francis to effectively abolish the Latin Tridentine Mass in his most recent motu proprio Traditionis custodes. Now His Satanic Majesty hopes the Antichrist will arrive within the next year.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 19th
2021.

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Releasing Judas- The Demon That Lady Gaga Clings To

April 27, 2021 at 10:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The demon Asmodeus and his friend the little green frog Nimrod were sitting in a taverna in Rome.

The taverna was supposed to be closed under lockdown but it did offer admittance to important beings.

Who were important beings?

Beings like the demon Asmodeus and Nimrod the builder of the tower of Babel now reduced to being a little green frog.

As Asmodeus and Nimrod sat at a table eating and drinking, the Greek gods Hades, Zeus and Poseidon were talking solemnly among themslves at another table.

“So,” Zeus scratched his beard, “Pope Francis wants you to release the ghost of Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?”.

Hades nodded as he sipped a soft drink in a cup shaped like the Disney character Pluto.

“In what part of the Underworld does Judas reside?” Poseidon asked as he ate his Fettichini ala Neptune.

“Roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit over an open flame in the fiery depths of Tartarus,” Hades stirred a hot toddy.

“I’m sure both Pope Francis and LA’s auxiliary Bishop Robert Barron will be disappointed to hear that,” Poseidon sipped a Caesar (a Canadian drink that was a combination of vodka and Mott’s Clamato Juice).

“They don’t know,” Hades remarked.

“So are you going to release Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?” Zeus inquired.

“I’m still trying to make up my mind,” Hades answered.

“Why don’t you throw an Alexander III King of Macedon (aka Alexander The Great) drachma coin up in the air?” Zeus gave him such a coin, “Heads, you release Judas. Tails, he continues to roast away. ”

Hades threw the coin up in the air.

And it landed on the table.

“Heads,” said Hades.

The three Greek deities finished their meal and left.

“Sounds like Judas will be back on the Earth’s surface again,” Nimrod commented.

“Lady Gaga will be able to cling to her demon in person instead of just singing about it,” Asmodeus noted.

. . .

Asmodeus and Nimrod went to their rooms at a YMCA youth hostel in Rome.

Most of the rooms there were occupied by Jesuit priests and members of the Vatican Curia who were dressed up as The Village People a 1970s American disco band.

“So I hear California Gov. Gavin Newsom is facing a recall election?” Nimrod sipped from a bottle of tequila.

“Did you know California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a deal with the demons Baal and Baphomet to get where he is today?” Asmodeus lit a cigarette.

“What? Getting recalled?” Nimrod was incredulous.

“No to become Governor of California,” Asmodeus answered.

“I suppose Baal and Baphomet will back Newsom in his re-election bid?” Nimrod said.

Asmodeus shrugged, “Baphomet being a transgendered and transpecies demon itself might back transgender Bruce Caitlyn Jenner’s bid to seek the state Republican nomination and then election to the Governorship.”

“So demons aren’t hesistant about throwing people (that they’ve made past agreements with) under the bus?” Nimrod swallowed the worm in the tequila bottle.

“Indeed not,” Asmodeus threw his cigarette butt out the window.

. . .

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had heard about the plan to release Judas from the realm of Hades.

She and six Vampiric Knights-Templar had been living in the Vatican since the autumn of 2017.

But now she decided to leave.

With Judas coming, the Vatican wouldn’t be big enough for both of them.

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal: Seeking new accomodation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 27th
2021.

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Miranda Singh Raids The Gates of Hell Zoo

April 1, 2021 at 10:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another one of his podcasts.

“Well,” Renfield began, “The Easter weekend is coming up and so naturally the world’s governments and health “experts” are suddenly discovering a surplus of cases of the various variants of Covid-19 that health “experts” suddenly discovered when the original Covid-19 virus suddenly seemed to be winding down. Ending the lockdown of most inhabitants of the planet and allowing the world a return to pre-March 2020 normality was definitely not in the cards as far as the Great Reset global oligarchy was concerned. Multitudes of people brainwashed by the mainstream media (who are not true journalists but are nothing more than the paid prostitutes and whores of the world’s global oligarchs) think that this all has to do with “health” or if they believe the current Vatican administration’s blathering “climate change”. This has nothing to do with “health” or “climate change”. It has to do with setting up a totalitarian one-world government under the control of the world’s global oligarchs.
As can be seen by the fact that 24 world leaders including Britan’s own brainless Boris Johnson just penned a declaration calling for a Global Pandemic Treaty. This treaty, if formally signed and implemented, will be the first step towards a one-world government. Now, John Lennon’s song Imagine has a nice melody and tune to it but don’t let that nice melody and tune suck you into the “Imagine no countries” scenario that the Great Reset global oligarchy has got planned for you, your family and your loved ones.
The line “Imagine there’s no heaven” will definitely have truth to it because there is nothing heavenly about the global oligarchs’ Great Reset plans.
“No Hell below us” will definitely be true as well because the Great Reset global oligarchs will have brought Hell up to the Earth’s surface for all to enjoy.
The first taste of Hell they’ve already unleashed on the world through Xi Jinping’s and the CCP’s Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Lo and behold! the CCP’s puppets on the executive of WHO (World Health Organization) couldn’t discover what was behind the origin of the Covid-19 virus in their recent joke of an investigation.
Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Tigray People’s Liberation Front Ethiopian Communist head of WHO should be shot by firing squad in my humble opinion (I don’t hold the same limp wristed pansy position on capital punishment as that held by Pope Francis) along with that obnoxious idiot Dr. Anthony Fauci who can’t even remember the numbered names of the numerous variants of Covid-19 virus that are supposedly out there when questioned by Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul.
Interestingly enough the proposed fine print of the Global Pandemic Treaty is proposed to be unveiled at this coming G-7 Summit to be held in June in Cornwall, England.
And Cornwall is the place where tradition holds that King Arthur was conceived – at Tintagel Castle in Cornwall.
King Arthur who spent his life battling demon possessed warriors and invading forces.
History seems to have come full circle.

. . .

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were walking through Saint Peter’s Basilica.

“Nice that we’re able to walk through Saint Peter’s Basilica on Maundy Thursday or Holy Thursday,” Nimrod commented as he licked an ice cream cone with his long tongue, “How are we able to do that?”.

“Well, the fact that Hecate’s skull was buried here around the time the document Amoris Laetitia was released and Hecate’s black cat familiar Amorous Laetitia did a dance around the High Altar at the time in honour of the Greek goddess of witchcraft helped,” Asmodeus sipped his cappucino, “along with the fact that an idol of the Inca Earth Mother Goddess Pachamama was brought into the Basilica at the Amazon Synod back in October 2019 and Pope Francis has recently forbidden priests to say private Masses in the chapels here (and many of those priests were saying private Masses according to the Tridentine Latin Mass liturgy which His Most Luciferian and Satanic Majesty hates) so all that allows us to walk through here with impunity.”

. . .

Set Enterprises secret agent Miranda Singh had discovered information about an experimental animal farm in northern England.

The name of the animal farm was the Gates of Hell Zoo.

The zoo was said to be financed by an American couple with the last name of Gates.

A vaccine was to be given to the animals there to turn them all into zombie nosferatu.

Miranda Singh arrived there with an army of gnomes and knocked out the guards with Cadbury Rocher Tesla Knockout Laser Rays.

The animals were then freed.

Miranda Singh after all the animals were freed from the Gates of Hell Covid-1984 Experimental Animal Farm in northern England

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 1st
2021

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Semiramis Recalls Harvey Tallbanger

February 18, 2021 at 11:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon in the back of an automobile with Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir

The lecherous old leech Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir had picked Semiramis up outside the British Houses of Parliament.

He had told the immortal Queen that he had rented the entire London Philharmonic Orchestra for her to give them their own private concert.

He had instructed the chauffeur to drive them to the Royal Albert Hall.

Of course there would be no London Philharmonic Orchestra waiting there.

Instead the “never say die” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to make out with Semiramis in one of the auditorium seats.

He had always wanted to do that with some woman.

The only trouble was there was usually always an event of some sort at the Royal Albert Hall.

However these times of Covid had put an end to such events.

And Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to take advantage of this opportunity.

As Lord Frolic’s car drove through the streets of London, they passed by the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill.

“Rita,” Orson’s ghost called out for Semiramis looked very much like Orson’s late ex-wife Rita Hayworth.

“I do believe,” Churchill was smoking a spectral cigar, “that is Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon although the resemblance she bears to your ex-wife is quite remarkable. I met Semiramis once at the Tehran Conference in 1943. I remember she kicked Josef Stalin in the testicles when he got too fresh with her. Which made our talk (Churchill’s, Roosevelt’s and Stalin’s) of opening up a second front against Germany by June 1944 all the more amusing.”

The car continued to drive down the street leaving Welles looking mournful and Churchill looking reflective.

The car then stopped at a traffic light at an intersection where British Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab was standing likewise waiting for the light to change.

This past Sunday Raab had said that the British government should consider having UK citizens carry vaccine passports in order to enter such places as supermarkets.

As he stood there, a cream pie was thrown in his face by a seemingly invisible entity.

Meanwhile inside the car:

Semiramis (looking thoughtful): I have the feeling I’ve seen that rabbit somewhere before.

Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was somewhat startled by this assertion, “You see a rabbit out there?”.

“Yes,” Semiramis nodded, “a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.”

“Really?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was starting to wonder whether his date for this evening was clinically insane, “And when did you last see him?”.

“Several thousand years ago when my husband Nimrod first proposed building the Tower of Babel,” Semiramis recalled, “That rabbit threw a cream pie in Nimrod’s face.”

“Cream pies have been around that long?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was surprised.

“Yes, for as long as that rabbit has,” Semiramis nodded.

. . .

The little green frog Nimrod (who had been the Biblical Nimrod- “the mighty hunter against the Lord” – way back in the day) was sitting on a patient’s couch in the office of London psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones.

Nimrod had been turned into a little green frog some years ago when a kiss from the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith went awry.

“So, Mr. Nimrod,” Dr. Morgana Jones, with pen and notepad in hand, addressed the frog, “How long have you been afraid of cream pies?”.

“For several thousand years now,” Nimrod answered, “Ever since a very tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears threw a cream pie in my face after I proposed building a tower that could reach the heavens.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 18th
2021.

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Asmodeus Comments On Loki’s Shenanigans

November 5, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Commentary, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

As Chief Vote Thief and China CCP employee Joe Biden addressed members of the mainstream Marxist media and what little of his actual supporters had actually shown up for his statement where he said, “Remain calm, democracy is messy”, the demon Asmodeus had shown up in Michigan to see if he could get a good bargain on an old Model T Ford.

Asmodeus’ good friend and little buddy Nimrod the little green frog was currently having an operation to get his tonsils out at DARPA headquarters in Arlington, Virginia.

Since Asmodeus hated hanging around hospital waiting rooms, he decided to go to Michigan to see if he could pick up a Model T Ford.

While standing outside the Ford Motor plant in Detroit, Michigan holding up a sign that said, COULD ANYBODY SELL ME A MODEL T FORD?, he happened to run into a sometime acquaintance of his Loki the Norse trickster god.

“Loki, what are you doing here?” Asmodeus asked as he lit himself about 600 cigarettes.

“I’m making up marked ballots for the Biden-Harris ticket and delivering them,” Loki explained, “I’m having to rush back and forth between Pennsylvania and here in Michigan and over in Wisconsin to say nothing of having to hightail it between Georgia and North Carolina and Arizona to deliver ballots. Fortunately for me my son the serpent Jormungandr is able to shit those ballots out of his ass fast enough.”

“I thought it was the ghost of the late Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley whom the Democrats hired to make and stuff ballots for this Presidential election,” Asmodeus blew his nose, “I had heard that Pope Francis had asked Hades the god of the Underworld to release Daley from Tartarus so he could do it.”

“He had,” Loki nodded, “but Daley had violated his probation conditions that Hades and Persephone had set out. So he’s back in the clanger again. Or rather roasting like chestnuts roasting on an open fire as Nat King Cole could put it more eloquently than I can.”

“So what things have you been doing to help Biden win?” Asmodeus asked.

“Well, take a look at this from election night,” Loki handed the nicotine addict chain smoking demon a chart.

Asmodeus looked at it.

At one point this past election night when 90.9% of votes had been counted in Michigan, Donald Trump had 2,200,902 votes or 51.64% of the vote.

And Joe Biden had 1,992,356 votes or 46.75% of the vote.

Then Michigan announced they would stop counting votes at about the same time Wisconsin and Pennsylvania announced they would stop counting votes.

When vote counting started up again, a record 138,000 new votes were found.

The new tally after 93.8% of the votes had been counted was:

Donald J. Trump 2,200,902 votes or 50.02% of the votes cast.

Joe Biden 2,130,695 or 48.42% of the votes cast.

“As you can see,” Loki grinned as he bit into a lutefisk sandwich, “Biden is starting to catch up.”

“Excuse me for watering on your parade,” Asmodeus sneezed all over Loki’s Armani suit, “but I noticed Trump’s numerical number of votes remained the same. He had 2,200,902 votes when 90.9% of the votes were counted and later after 93.8% of the votes were counted, he still had 2,200,902. While the percentage of his votes changed (going in a downward direction) the actual numerical value of his votes remained the same. You mean to say of those over 138,000 new votes that came in, not one of those votes was for Trump? Do you know what the statistical probability of that happening is? Shouldn’t you have had Jormungandr shoot a few ballots out of his ass with Trump’s name on them? I mean if you’re going to cheat, you shouldn’t make it so blatantly obvious at one point in the procedure.”

“Oh shit, I hadn’t thought of that,” Loki turned pale, “Well at least among those under 40, hopefully America’s public education system has dumbed them down enough that they’re not able to do math. And as for the over 40s, the mainstream Marxist media probably aren’t going to mention that and the tech giants of Facebook and Twitter are in bed with the Chinese Communist Party so hopefully any mention of that will be censored on both those sites.”

At that moment, a group of Antifa and BLM members (who are Joe Biden’s equivalent of Adolf Hitler’s Brownshirts) marched by shouting, “Count every vote.”


Meanwhile some 87 years earlier: “Germany is finished. The trickster god Loki has just been to see President von Hindenburg. I have the feeling that Adolf Hitler is about to be named Chancellor.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 5th
2020.

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Renfield, Baal and Baphomet Professional Sports and A Communist Scientologist

August 3, 2020 at 10:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

“Mr. Renfield,” the BBC interviewer inquired of the British MP, “how would you describe yourself?”.

“As an altruistic empathetic narcissist,” Renfield answered.

The remark sent professional psychologists and psychiatrists and students of psychology all over the world scrambling for their textbooks and dictionaries to look up the meaning of this particular personality type.

Mental breakdowns were universal when they discovered the term wasn’t listed, classified or defined.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his office looking at photos of competing NBA and MLB teams all linking arms and kneeling in front of BLACK LIVES MATTER logos while the U.S. National anthem was being played.

Whitstable had received a dossier from the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit documenting how the Black Lives Matter organization was a Communist organization founded by 3 Communist lesbians whose stated goals were a Marxist society and the destruction of both fatherhood and the nuclear family.

Whitstable then looked at a videotape of both ceremonies as recorded by an Interpol agent using a Dr. Cadbury Rocher Demon Detector Lens.

In both ceremonies as the overpaid athletes knelt to show their “wokeness” (Being “woke” in the 21st Century meant that one had turned into a living dead brain dead zombie according to Renfield R. Renfield’s definition of the word), the demons Baal and Baphomet walked by although unseen by the human eye but not by the eye of the Dr. Cadbury Rocher Demon Detector Lens.

Thus the overpaid athletes were bending the knee to the demons Baal and Baphomet in what looked to be an act of fealty and homage.

In this, they were boldly or maybe mincingly following in the footsteps of Rep. Nancy Pelosi who had done the same a couple of months earlier where the demons Baal and Baphomet were also picked up by the Dr. Cadbury Rocher Demon Detector Lens as Rep. Pelosi and her fellow Congressional Useful Idiots For The Devil Democrats bent the knee in an act of fealty and homage to the two demons.

Although the overpaid athletes were able to get back up again after bending the knee.

The same could not be said for the House of Representatives Speaker who had to be helped up by a Congressional aide as Ms. Pelosi did a very bad impersonation of the lady in the famous Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up TV commercials for Lifeline back in the 1980s.

. . .

Meanwhile as the demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod sat at a milkshake bar in Los Angeles, they were discussing the fact that Rep. Karen Bass of California had emerged as the number one contender to become Joe Biden’s Vice-Presidential running mate.

“Do you suppose Joe Biden is really going to name a Communist Scientologist as his running mate?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus.

“Well if you’ve got a Communist Pope in the Vatican, why not a Communist Scientologist in the White House?” Asmodeus shrugged.

It just so happened that down in the fires of Tartarus, Karl Marx the Father of Communism was roasting away on a barbeque spit right next to the barbeque spit where science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard the founder of the Church of Scientology was busy roasting away.

Marx and Hubbard briefly wept tears of joy upon hearing the news before resuming screaming for the rest of eternity.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 3rd
2020.

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Saint Junipero Serra

June 24, 2020 at 10:30 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus and the little green fog Nimrod were sitting in a cafe diner in San Diego, California that had once been an old bus but was since converted into a diner.

Even though neither Asmodeus and Nimrod were wearing masks in public like California’s Neo-Stalinist governor Gavin Newsom had proclaimed in a Robespierreian Committee of Public Safety like Emergency Decree, the diner manager really didn’t feel like telling the demon or the little green frog to put on masks or leave.

The demon Baphomet (who likewise wasn’ wearing a mask) but looked and was dressed like a pre-eminent member of the LGBTQ+2S community (currently looking for more letters and numbers to appropriate), so wasn’t interfered with by the diner manager, passed by the duo’s table and showed them photos of statues of Saint Junipero Serra the Apostle of California being torn down in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

“This is what some of my Marxist-Leninist disciples have been up to,” the Baphomet grinned.

He/she/it then walked outside the diner to walk towards Saint Anne’s Catholic Church in the city.

A Neo-Bolshevik revolutionary had posted on his Instagram page calling on fellow Neo-Bolshevik revolutionaries to storm the Church, smash the statues and burn the Church to the ground.

The Baphomet was looking forward to the spectacle.

“Why did they tear down statues of Saint Junipero Serra?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus, “Who was he anyways?”.

“Well years ago, some Neo-Marxist academic made the claim that Saint Junipero Serra exploited and enslaved the native peoples of California and so he’s been on the Neo-Marxists’ shit list ever since,” Asmodeus’ cigarette ash spilled all over his 6 patty giant chili burger as he ate and smoked at the same time.

“And was the claim true?” Nimrod asked.

“Communists aren’t concerned with truth,” Asmodeus answered, “If they were, they wouldn’t be Communists.”

“But what were the actual facts on the ground irrespective of the Marxist lens of empirical reinterpretation and baloney enhanced reintegration?” Nimrod ate his baked salmon.

“Saint Junipero Serra was actually concerned about the attacks that certain groups of Spanish soldiers made on California’s indigenous peoples,” Asmodeus sipped his bottle of Corona beer, “And so even though he had an infirmed leg, he walked all the way to Mexico City on it in order to obtain special faculties of governance from the Viceroy of Spain stationed in Mexico City in order to discipline the military who were abusing the indigenous peoples. There is a physical reminder of the Viceroy’s orders (issued at Junipero Serra’s request) today. Everywhere there is a presidio (soldiers’ barracks) associated with a mission of the 21 missions that Junipero Serra founded in California, the presidio is always located miles away from the mission itself.”

“So, despite that, Junipero Serra’s statues are being torn down?” Nimrod used his long tongue to lick up a fly that had stationed itself on one of Asmodeus’ large beef patties.

“Well after decades of dumbed down public education in America, today’s youth in this country aren’t exactly the brightest on the planet,” Asmodeus dipped one of his fries in gravy.

On the television set above the diner’s kitchen window and next to the cashier’s booth, Melinda Gates was announcing that any covid-19 vaccine developed in America should be first tested on blacks and indigenous people before being given to whites.

While the lastest eugenics based announcement from the Gates evil duo would be of concern to Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (Son of assassinated 1968 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Bobby Kennedy), most limousine owning and mansion owning white liberal Democrats (who were really Marxist Neo-Mensheviks (politically speaking) cheering on the Neo-Bolshevik mobs destroying small businesses, statues and churches outside their walled houses and gated communities) really wouldn’t raise an eyebrow of reprimand to the Gates duo.

After all the Gates duo supported the same globalist New World Order they wanted for the world.

In which a world of serfs (told daily that they were free within a Marxist paradise) would serve them.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 24th
2020.

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Archbishop Vigano Says The Vatican Never Released The Text of The Third Secret of Fatima

April 29, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Archbishop Vigano Says The Vatican Never Released The Text of The Third Secret of Fatima

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were once again walking the streets of Rome.

They noticed a cardinal giving money to a bunch of distressed looking drag queens standing at a street corner.

“That cardinal looks familiar,” Nimrod remarked as he licked a black fly flavoured ice cream cone he was holding in his little webbed hands.

“That’s Cardinal Konrad Krajewski the Papal Almoner (papal chaplain in charge of distributing money to the deserving poor),” Asmodeus replied, “Ever since the Covid-19 pandemic struck, Rome’s transgendered prostitutes have suffered a work stoppage as a result of no more clients taking them out.”

“So, why is the Papal Almoner giving them money?” Nimrod inquired.

“Guilt, I imagine,” Asmodeus ate a take out plate of lasagna, “It was Francis’ Vatican officials who were undoubtedly their biggest customers. Kept them in their Paris and Milan designed sequined dresses, Wolford pantyhose and Christian Louboutin spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes. Now they’re having to settle for hand me downs from the Salvation Army Women’s Clothing Department. It must have been quite the come down financially and fashionally speaking.”

A rare American tourist couple – a man and a woman- were out walking the deserted streets of Rome in total disobedience to the Italian government’s lockdown orders.

They were walking up the street and away from the Vatican.

The woman turned around and looked at the Vatican whereupon she turned into a pillar of salt.

“I see Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano (who’s been in hiding since the summer of 2018 to avoid being bumped off by Pope Francis’ gay lavender mafia) is saying that the Third Secret of Fatima (words spoken by the Virgin Mary to three shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal in 1917) has never been officially released by the Vatican despite Vatican claims they released it back on June 26th 2000,” Nimrod ate some Boston clam chowder soup with several flies in it.

“That’s true,” Asmodeus ate a beef donair, “British MP Renfield R. Renfield discovered the actual Third Secret in a retired Austrian Army colonel’s briefcase back on November 9th 2018. The same day that a geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield discovered that the text of the Third Secret had been given by the Virgin Mary to a Japanese nun Sister Agnes Sasagawa on October 13th 1973 finding the full message of Our Lady of Akita by deciding that the full message might actually be located at the back pages of Google Search on the topic Our Lady of Akita rather than towards the front.”

“And what was the essence of the message?” Nimrod swiped some hand sanitizing lotion from the back pockets of a Rome policeman so he could wash and sanitize his little webbed hands.

“It said that a Great War would be started in the 21st Century by Satan’s partisans in the East (possibly a reference to Russia or China or North Korea as Satan’s partisans in the West would of course be the United States of America and the European Union), fire would fall from Heaven and turn the waters of the ocean into steam and millions of people would die by the minute. There was also a prophecy that Satan would end up controlling one third of the Catholic clergy and Satan would succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church,” Asmodeus ate a submarine sandwich.

“What is considered the very top of the Church?” Nimrod struggled to get the top off a jar of roasted hazelnut peanut butter.

“The Papacy,” Asmodeus grabbed the jar of roasted hazelnut peanut butter for Nimrod and yanked the top off.

On the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica as the sun was setting, Pope Francis was making hand shadow puppets in the form of a horned goat’s head.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 29th
2020.

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