Norse Goddess Freya, The Future King Edward VIII and Carson Cody Albion Private Eye

December 17, 2021 at 9:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse goddess Freya in a London hotel in 1931

Carson Cody Albion worked as a Private Eye in New York City in the early 1930s.

He’d later move to New Orleans and be a private eye there.

Then he’d move to Los Angeles and be a Private Eye there.

After breastfeeding on the breasts of the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis, he became an immortal and he’s still alive today.

This December he has now moved to Tokyo to become a Private Eye since California has fallen under Neo-Bolshevik Communist rule under its Neo-Stalinist Gov. Gavin Newsom.

After Japan rejected VacciNazism (the ideology believed in by almost every country on Earth in this plandemic year of 2021), Albion decided that Tokyo was the place for him.

90 years ago Albion was a private eye in New York City.

He had been hired by the Norse god Odin to come to London in December of 1931.

Odin with his good eye (well it would be his good eye wouldn’t it? notes the ghost of Christine Keeler who as a young model was caught up in the John Profumo spy scandal of 1961 at the height of the Cold War) had read a note written to his wife Freya in which she had been invited to a meeting in a posh London hotel room by Edward the horny old Prince of Wales (who would become the future King Edward VIII on January 20th 1936 and later abdicate the throne on December 11th 1936 in order to marry that well drilled piece of tail Mrs. Wallis Simpson).

Odin was busy trying to help his illegitimate son Adolf (Odin had pulled a Zeus back in the late 1880s and had an affair with a married Frau) become the next Chancellor of Germany and so couldn’t spy on the meeting himself.

Odin hired a New York City private eye for the job rather than a London private eye since a London private eye might be bumped off by Britain’s Special Branch.

Albion hid behind the curtain of the hotel room and waited.

The first to enter was Edward Prince of Wales.

The Prince of Wales had recently written an American style Country and Western music song and proceeded to sing it, “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way…”

He wondered how long it would take for that song to become a hit on America’s country music charts.

He then went into the bathroom to get himself ready.

The Norse goddess Freya entered the room and went and stood by the chaise lounge.

Edward exited the bathroom wearing only his Napoleon Bonaparte image emblazoned boxer shorts.

Albion stepped up from behind the curtain and flashed… his camera.

“Holy shit!” The Prince of Wales exclaimed, “A Fleet Street photographer.”

The Prince of Wales went running from the hotel room wearing only his Napoleon Bonaparte image emblazoned boxer shorts.

“I was looking forward,” Freya sighed, “to an evening of what the Italians call amore.”

Meanwhile Edward Prince of Wales had run into the hotel kitchen where he got hit in the eye by a big pizza pie.

He was so shocked that he dropped his drawers and mooned everyone present.

“Perhaps I can help,” Carson Cody Albion moved closer.

Norse goddess Freya: Spends a moonlit evening in London with a private eye

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 17th
2021.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Hour of The Rough Beast

November 12, 2021 at 9:41 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”.
-William Butler Yeats in his poem The Second Coming
written 1919

California Gov. Gavin Newsom in addition to showing signs of Bell’s Palsy was also showing signs of demonic possession.

A video of two traditional Dominican priests trying to exorcize Gov. Newsom was filmed by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was watching the video.

In the drawing room behind Gov. Newsom’s bedroom could be heard sounds of Rep. Nancy Pelosi engaging in a bisexual menage a trois with Pachamama the Inca Earth Mother Goddess (a fiery red dragon from the Underworld who shapeshifted into a woman and then back again) and Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of darkness and sorcery.

In the video Gov. Newsom could be seen levitating 6 feet above his bed and vomiting out carbon emitting petrol.

Newsom swore and cursed at the two exorcists in the languages of ancient Inca, Aztec, Sumerian and Babylonian.

“It looks and sounds like Gov. Newsom is possessed by Bergoglio’s god of surprises,” Renfield remarked.

. . .

Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla was having a cocktail party with the demons Baal, Baphomet and Moloch.

“People who publish disinformation about my experimental Covid mMRNA injections are criminals,” Bourla complained as he fed a human embryo/mouse hybrid to a giant Moroccan desert sandfly who was tired of feeding on beagles’ faces.

“I agree,” Baal nodded.

“Criminals like that Nazarene whom we arranged to be crucified on Golgotha,” Moloch went on.

The door bell rang.

It was Asclepius the Greek god of medicine and the ghost of Dr. Johann Georg Faust showing up to the party.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his leprechaun buddy Barney From Killarney were at an archery training camp for leprechauns and gnomes in Switzerland being run by Chiron the Centaur.

The camp soon found itself under attack by a group of demonically possessed ibex-human hybrids (the alpine ibex is a species of wild goat that is found in the European alps).

The tiny but courageous band of gnomes and leprechauns fought off the demonically possessed ibex-human hybrids.

“Shit,” said World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab when he heard news of the demon ibex-humans’ retreat.

. . .

The Norse wolf Fenrir (destined to kill Odin at the Battle of Ragnarok) had found itself muzzled in the courtyard of the hotel in Switzerland.

Switzerland today was the site of protests organized by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (the son of assassinated 1968 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy) against Switzerland’s proposed draconian lockdown and vaccine mandate law which was copying the example of its neighbour to the south Italy which was currently being run by a clique of Fascists/Stalinists personally approved by the satanic antipope Jorge Mario Bergoglio.

The Norse goddess Freya happened to be visiting Switzerland on this day and was surprised to to see Fenrir muzzled in the courtyard.

Norse goddess Freya: Surprised to see Fenrir muzzled in the courtyard of the hotel.

Freya’s hotel room door opened and in walked vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“Did you muzzle Fenrir?” Freya asked.

“Yes,” Van Helsing answered.

“How?” Freya inquired.

“I fed him some of my maternal grandmother’s recipe for Scottish haggis and he succumbed to unconsciousness,” Van Helsing replied.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 12th
2021.

Permalink 24 Comments

The Turning Point

April 9, 2021 at 8:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“So, where is your friend Renfield R. Renfield tonight?” Angelique Dumont asked her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon as he came over to her apartment.

“I was informed by Athelstan the butler at the Set Mansion this morning that Renfield has apparently decided to vanish for a few days,” Amadeus answered.

“Vanish?” Angelique seemed perplexed.

“Yes, the number of governments and wealthy global oligarchs around the world who want to see him assassinated has really grown exponentially the past week,” Amadeus explained.

“So I take it then that Renfield won’t be attending Prince Philip’s funeral?” Angelique inquired.

“Well I understand Philip’s funeral is to be a small affair at the Duke of Edinburgh’s own personal request plus Covid restrictions are in place,” Amadeus was eating a Worcestershire sauce laced grilled cheese sandwich, “Plus I don’t think Renfield would have really been invited anyways.”

“Prince Philip didn’t like Renfield?” Angelique Dumont put honey in her tea.

“I don’t think Philip knew Renfield very well,” Amadeus pointed out, “But Prince Philip’s eldest son Charles Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall certainly doesn’t like Renfield very well.”

“Why doesn’t Prince Charles like Renfield?” Angelique wanted to know.

“Well, because a few years ago, Charles was only standing a few feet away from Renfield when Renfield said to someone else that in his opinion Charles’ 2nd wife Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall looked like a horse,” Amadeus sipped a ginger beer.

“That would explain the Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall Charles’ dislike of Renfield,” Angelique admitted.

“The next day, Renfield did issue an apology… to horses,” Amadeus recalled, “but even that didn’t quite cut the mustard with Prince Charles.”

“I should say not,” Angelique shook her head, “But I think Her Majesty the Queen likes Renfield does she not?”.

“Yes,” Amadeus nodded, “Because Renfield once saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.”

. . .

“Who’s this Prince Philip guy?” American President Joe Biden asked one of his aides, “Is he the fellow who made Philips Electric Shavers?”.

“No, Mr. President,” The aide wore a t-shirt that said I’M WITH STUPID with an arrow pointing in Biden’s direction, “He was the Prince Consort of the Queen of England.”

“Victoria?” Biden reached for a glass of water to take his Geritol pills.

“That was Prince Albert,” his aide sounded exasperated, “And Victoria was queen for the most part of two centuries ago.”

“Who’s the current Queen?” Biden inquired.

“Are you referring to the Sovereign of Great Britain or your recent appointment to the position of Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services?” His aide wanted to know.

Biden scratched his head at that one.

. . .

After administering a severe spanking to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing for being late to their meeting, the Norse Goddess Freya went to a corner of the room and stood looking at him.

“So did you find out if it’s true that my son Thor has formed an alliance with Loki?” Freya asked.

“It’s true,” Dracul Van Helsing lit a cigarette and poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“But such an alliance was not foreseen in the Poetic Edda or Prose Edda?” Freya pointed out.

“That’s true as well,” Van Helsing nodded, “Anyhow Thor and Loki have formed an alliance with Osiris and Horus to bring about a Great Reset New World Order. That idiotic English language mantra Build Back Better is being translated into ancient Norse and ancient Egyptian even as we speak.”

“This is depressing news,” Freya sighed, “I need a conjugal encounter right now to get rid of my depression.”

“So do I,” Van Helsing confessed.

They were soon on the bed in the apartment making out with one another.

The ghost of Orson Welles walked in at that moment.

“Not again,” Welles’ ghost went back into the hall.

A Norwegian otter carrying a notepad and a pencil asked Welles if he knew the ancient Norse word for Google.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 9th
2021.

Permalink 8 Comments

Hitler’s Nazi Gestapo Are Alive and Well and Living In Police In The Canadian Province of Alberta

April 7, 2021 at 10:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Health, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God.”
-The Fathers of the American Revolution.

“It is morally imperative upon people across the globe today to remember the words of the Fathers of the American Revolution.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a rare Wednesday evening podcast.

And that was because of the developing political situation on the ground in the Canadian province of Alberta.

Sipping from a bottle of Alberta Crystal Clear Pure Vodka, Renfield said,

“The Antichrist RCMP in the Canadian province of Alberta have shown themselves to be the wholehearted ardent disciples of the emerging Antichrist New World Order by raiding Grace Life Church an Evangelical Protestant Church east of Edmonton the provincial capital and erecting steel barriers around it to prevent the people and pastors from entering.
As a Calgary Polish Church pastor well said of Calgary Police who were trying to close his Church this past Easter weekend, “Gestapo! Nazis! Get out!”.
For police in today’s Canadian province of Alberta are little better than the Nazi Gestapo of Hitler’s Third Reich.”

RCMP at the RCMP police station in Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada were given a standing ovation by the demons Baal and Mephistopheles as they returned to the station after setting up steel barriers around Grace Life Church on the orders of AHS (Alberta Health Services which was today little more than a provincial branch of the Nazi Fascist Neo-Bolshevik Communist Hybrid New World Order known as the Great Reset and praised by the likes of Pope Francis, Justin Trudeau and Joe Biden).
Hordes of infernal demons sang of the heroic Gestapo like RCMP who returned like the conquering heroes of Norse battlefields to the halls of Valhalla, “For they’re the jolly good fellows, for they’re the jolly good fellows which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny…”

“I deny it,” said Renfield continuing his broadcast, “and backing up the Nazi Gestapo like raid on Grace Life Church by the RCMP was Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro. Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro is a Nazi Fascist pig who should be eliminated from the face of the earth. And I say that with all due respect.”

Tyler Shandro had returned home after a hard day of trying to build the global Fourth Reich down at the office.

He was surprised to see the ghost of Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels sitting in an arm chair in his living room offering him a warm cup of Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea.

Goebbels’ ghost had been recently released from the Underworld by Hades (Greek god of the Underworld) at the request of the Great Reset globalist oligarchical backers- men like George Soros and Bill Gates and Xi Jinping’s Supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon.

“I’ve never heard of this brand of tea before,” Shandro looked at the label on the teapot, “Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea.”

“It was prophetically foreseen on a Halloween Night episode of the CBC program Murdoch Mysteries a few years back,” Goebbels’ ghost commented as he sipped on a spectral ghostly variant of the tea (which went into the making of the various new variants of Covid-19 made in various labs and released in various places across the planet the past few months), “it turned people who drank it into aliens. On that episode of Murdoch Mysteries, people down at Police Station House No. 4 drank it and became aliens and it soon spread across the entire city of Toronto. People became aliens and ceased being human. Constable George Crabtree was the last resister at Police Station House No. 4 and even he succumbed. And soon all were aliens.”

“So Torontonians became non-human aliens and now you want Albertans to become the same starting with me?” Tyler Shandro inquired.

“Exactly,” Goebbels’ ghost grinned, “You already were one of the biggest twits in Fascist fat slob Premier Jason Kenney’s cabinet (which is saying a lot) and so you were pretty well on your way there to becoming a non-human alien anyways. This will just finally tip you over the edge.”

“Okay,” Shandro drank the tea and a female zombie nosferatu entered the room and bit him on the lips and sucked the life out of him filling his body with unhatched alien insect pods from meteorites.

Norse goddess Freya appearing as a guest on Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast: Advises people to beware of zombie nosferatu and of drinking Meteorite Alien Insect Pods Greyish Green Tea

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 7th
2021.

Permalink 4 Comments

Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

April 16, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Dr. Cadbury Rocher the chief scientist of Set Enterprises, British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists, Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol and Australian outback based Amadeus Emanon were having another video conferencing discussion via Skype.

“Well, the economy will have to open up again gradually,” Set stated, “or the world is going to fall into a great economic depression from which it will never recover. Not of course that the Communists in the WHO, the UN, the Vatican or numerous national bureaucracies all over the globe care since a great economic depression is right up their Marxist totalitarian despot alley. But it will have to take place gradually not full speed ahead like the would be American Neo-Roman Caesar Donald Trump would have it. I think though all major public events all over the world such as sporting events, concerts, parades, rodeos and any other massive public gatherings will have to be put on hold until at least September 30th of this year. Let’s be realistic about that. If governments all over the world would say that, they’d be honest. After a while of extending lockdowns for 25 days after every 25 days which seems to be the way the bozos of our national leaders all over the world seem to be going, people are going to start getting cynical about the whole thing. There can be a gradual opening up of various businesses over the new few months. But any large events or massive public gatherings are out. Until at least September 30th of this year. And sadly maybe even beyond if necessary. But at least prepare the world for the fact that no major sporting events or parades or concerts or massive social gatherings are going to happen this summer of 2020. And not until a week after the autumn equinox after that.”

“If the governments of the world were honest, they’d tell people that,”
Renfield admitted.

“But are most of the governments of the world honest?” Amadeus asked as he ate a slice of pecan pie.

“No,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of whisky.

“Glad to see that we’ve got that out of the way,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher dusted some dandruff off his lab coat.

“What does Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster have to say about the world political scene?” Set asked Dr. Rocher.

“Well, he says that Joe Biden is not going to get the Democratic Presidential nomination this year,” Dr. Rocher wiped his glasses.

“Why not?” Set swallowed another live crocodile, “I thought Biden had the number of delegates pretty well sewn up including every other candidate (among which was Bernie Sanders) endorsing him.”

“Yes, but ever since January of this year, Michelangelo has had this vision of Joe Biden keeling over,” Dr. Rocher noted.

“Keeling over?” Set took a giant Rolaids tablet for his giant heart burn.

“Kicking the bucket, croaking,” Dr. Rocher explained as a frog hopped out of a frozen ice bucket of Corona beer behind him.

“Well, that would definitely upend the U.S. Democratic Party if that were to happen,” Renfield lit his pipe.

“Wasn’t Michelangelo the only being on the planet back in early October of 2016 who was predicting that Donald Trump would win the Presidency when all the opinion polls were showing that he was 20 points behind Hillary?” Amadeus asked.

“There was a geopolitical analyst who found himself having to live in a homeless shelter in Calgary back in the summer and early autumn of 2016 who was saying much the same thing,” Renfield was on to his second bottle of whisky, “And everyone was telling him that he was crazy. But like so often, his insanity turned out to be more accurate than everybody else’s sanity.”

“So who’s going to be the Democratic nominee?” Set bit into a marmalade laced scone.

“Michelangelo won’t say,” Dr. Rocher shrugged, “He’s keeping those cards close to his chest.”

“Michelangelo always was a Hell of a poker player,” Renfield was suddenly remembering that he still owed the lobster £10,000 from their last poker game.

“Anything else about the U.S. political scene we should know vis-a-vis Michelangelo?” Set bit into some homemade apple pie.

“The U.S. Presidential election may be postponed until a later date,” Dr. Rocher answered as the ghost of Nero started playing his fiddle in the background and the ghost of Julius Caesar started getting the blood washed off his toga.

. . .

The Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai stood inside the empty Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and admired his handiwork.

A year ago yesterday Father Caiaphas had set fire to it while riding a fire breathing basilisk named Basilisk Wrathsbone.

Father Caiaphas laughed as he opened up his 1588 Latin edition of The Necronomicon and started saying a few prayers.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an emergency email from the Norse goddess Freya saying that her stepson Thor was up to no good in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

They were to meet in person in gondolas on the now empty canals of Venice.

The Norse goddess Freya waited for Dracul Van Helsing in her gondola on the canals of Venice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Thursday April 16th
2020.

Permalink 10 Comments

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

December 20, 2019 at 11:35 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

“I never thought it would be so much fun burglaring J. Edgar Hoover’s office at the FBI Building in Washington DC,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked to Dracul Van Helsing.

Using a miniature time tunnel that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working on at Set Enterprises in London, the pair had temporarily travelled back in time to Washington DC in 1939.

What sent the certainly unusual dynamic duo on their mission was a message that Dracul Van Helsing had received from Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable was currently in the German capital Berlin investigating an attempt to open up the unmarked grave of Nazi SS officer Reinhard Heydrich.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler and Gavin Brown a voodoo practitioner with ties to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were the ones responsible for trying to dig up Heydrich’s grave.

The attempt ended after the grave digging gang of six men were attacked by a flock of pigeons.

Whitstable in his investigation had discovered that Franz Kohler believed the transcripts of a secret meeting between J. Edgar Hoover and Maria Orsic of the occultic Vril Society that took place in Washington DC in 1939 had been buried with Heydrich’s remains.

A computerized laser examination of Heydrich’s grave yesterday using technology developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher had shown there were no documents in Heydrich’s casket.

But now Whitstable was curious as to why Kohler wanted a copy of those transcripts.

Whitstable discovered that the meeting between Maria Orsic and J. Edgar Hoover had taken place on December 18th 1939.

Whitstable relayed that information to Van Helsing.

Seeing as how Dr. Rocher wanted a test for his time tunnel, he offered to send Van Helsing to J. Edgar Hoover’s office 80 years ago today.

And Van Helsing could steal Hoover’s copy of the transcripts.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with the ghost of Winston Churchill was serving as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) offered to go along with Van Helsing for the ride.

And so now here they were searching through Hoover’s drawers (his file drawers that is!) trying to find any transcripts of a meeting between Hoover and the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic.

“Gentlemen,” said the Norse goddess Freya as she sat in Hoover’s office smoking a cigarette, “I presume you’re looking for the transcripts of the meeting between Mr. Hoover and Miss Orsic?”.

“We are,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well then follow me,” Freya got up and walked over to another part of the office.

“With pleasure,” Van Helsing replied as he followed her.

“Oh, to be mortal again,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday December 20th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

September 16, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

The Norse goddess Freya was on the phone talking to Dracul Van Helsing

“Did you see that empty podium next to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg Xavier Bettel at what was supposed to be the press conference between him and Boris Johnson discussing Brexit?”

“And Dracul, you say the reason Johnson avoided the press conference was because the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP The Kraken Napoleon VI had a two for the price of one Buffet coupon that was about to expire in another hour and the Kraken had invited Johnson for lunch?”

“Sure, do come over to my place, Dracul.”

“I’m always up for tantric sex, anytime, anywhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday September 16th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 26, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

A beluga whale who was a spy for the Russians had recently defected to Norway a few months back.

The whale had been helped in his defection by the ghost of Orson Welles.

After the whale had successfully defected, Welles’ ghost eventually returned to England where he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been named to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering).

The whale meanwhile had spent the past few months being debriefed by Norwegian Navy and Norwegian Intelligence officials.

The beluga had ate a great quantity of fish during this time although the whale said he “didn’t care much for lutefisk” much to the disappointment of Norway’s Minister of Culture.

The beluga told the Norwegians that much was happening under the sea these days.

Poseidon had had his trident stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis.

The trident was given to Russian scientists who had developed a new submarine weapon with it.

The beluga (who had taken the name Melville) also said that the Norse deity of the ocean who was the sea jotunn Aegir and was also the major thrower of parties for the Norse gods and goddesses had recently started selling his ale (brewed in a huge cauldron provided by Thor and Tyr) to mortals.

Most mortals were incapable of handling the hangover that the ale gave them, the beluga stated, and when combined with certain other liquors could prove fatal to mortals.

One of the last things he had heard, Melville said (while posing for a photo with someone wearing a Herman Munster mask), was that The Ten Bells Pub in London used Aegir Ale and combined it with 9 liquors to make a shooter called The T-Rex.

If any mortal drank more than one T-Tex shooter, it would kill them.

The Norse goddess Freya, who had her own stenographer present at the beluga whale debriefing, informed Dracul Van Helsing of this.

“Renfield,” Dracul replied, “as in many other matters, is an exception to this rule.”

“Well,” Freya stood up from her dressing table and chair, “come and show me what rules you’re an exception to.”

Dracul did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday July 26th
2019.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 24, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

It was the last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the British House of Commons for Theresa May in her role as Prime Minister of The United Kingdom prior to passing the Prime Ministerial baton to Boris Johnson.

The very last question to her was posed by Renfield R. Renfield the British Transhumanist MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

Renfield stood up and asked Mrs. May, “What is the speed velocity of a swallow?”.

To which Mrs. May responded, “Are you talking about the African swallow or the European swallow?”.

To which Renfield replied, “I don’t know.”

Soon Renfield found himself being carried by an invisible force through the air.

Unlike the poor sap medieval hermit in Monty Python and The Holy Grail who asked “Questions three” by the bridge to King Arthur’s knights, Renfield was not sent into a deep chasm in the earth for not knowing the answer but found himself transported upwards to the House of Commons Press Gallery where he ended up in the lap of BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy.

. . .

Donald Trump was watching Mrs. May’s final Prime Minister’s Question Period on television in the Oval Office.

“Lexington,” Trump remarked to his British butler and valet, “is there really a difference in the speed velocity of swallows between Europeans and Africans and who has the greater speed velocity?”.

“Sir,” Lexington who knew Trump’s mind (or lack thereof!) inside and out answered, “I believe the swallows to which both Mr. Renfield and Mrs. May are referring are the variety of birds and not what you’re thinking about.”

“Oh,” Trump answered.

Bill and Hillary Clinton were carrying on a very similar conversation.

. . .

The Greek god Apollo was lying in a lounge chair in a garden not far from the Acropolis when Ares walked by looking a little downcast.

Apollo (who was Greek god of music) was listening to the songs of Nat King Cole on his iPhone headphones when Ares walked by.

Apollo took off his headphones.

“You look very depressed,” Apollo said looking somewhat concerned.

“It turns out Boris Johnson is naming Renfield R. Renfield to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering after all,” Ares wept crocodile tears (as he had put crocodile DNA rather than eye tear droplets in his eyes this morning), “this may ruin the best laid plans of Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and myself for planning a global war.”

Apollo put his iPhone headphones back on and went back to listening to Nat King Cole as Ares continued to weep crocodile tears.

. . .

The Norse goddess Freya was in her country estate in Norway listening to the radio when she heard the news that Renfield had been appointed to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had been named Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.

At that moment, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing showed up at the door with a bottle of wine.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Freya said to him, “how would you like to step into my art studio and I’ll show you my etchings?”.


Norse Goddess Freya: Offers to show her etchings to Dracul Van Helsing

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 24th
2019,

Permalink Leave a Comment

Atargatis and Van Helsing, Whitstable and Priyanka, Sherrielock Holmes and Maduro

February 23, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis in human form

The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis had shapeshifted into fully human form and was sitting in a luxury hotel suite in a swank New York City hotel in February of 1944.

A huge battle was currently going on between time travellers.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was battling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe officer Franz Kohler up and down the corridors of time and various epochs in history.

Kohler was using the technology of Die Glocke a bell shaped space-going and time travelling Nazi UFO like saucer craft.

Dracul Van Helsing was using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back and forth through time.

Also interfering in the time travelling war was the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being run by scientists who were indulging in far too much use of legalized recreational Canadian cannabis.

Also partaking in the pot inhalation was the Hindu god Shiva (whose statue was outside the CERN tunnel) who as a result was trying to conduct the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra into conducting a personal musical number that the deity was composing tentatively called Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

The first negative critic of the piece was Shiva’s wife Kali who was using all ten of her arms to cover her ears and when that didn’t work had fled to an artist’s studio on a quiet Greek island.

Now the conflict between Van Helsing and Kohler had turned to New York City in February 1944 a few months before the June D-Day Invasion of Normandy.

Van Helsing had just managed to evade arrest by Astana Kazakhstan police authorities for an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin and the supernatural entity Black Dragon of Beijing.

The vampire hunter did have an alibi in that he was being spanked by and having tantric sex with the vampiress Golgotha (vampiress daughter of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) at the time.

But the Astana Kazakhstan authorities were the type to torture first and ask questions later.

So Van Helsing pressed the button on his Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr protype magic lantern and found himself in New York City in February 1944.

As a result of Orson Welles one of the inventors of the Magic Lantern (whose prototype was finally completed by Austro-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr) loving to direct films in black and white, the world Van Helsing found himself in as he was time travelling was often in black and white.

“So, Mr. Van Helsing,” the human formed goddess Atargatis greeted him as he landed on her Persian rug in her elegant New York City suite, “I suppose you’re here to ask, where have I hidden the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident?”.

Van Helsing decided to engage in French kissing with the elegant black silk blouse and elegant white skirt wearing northern Syrian goddess instead.

As for the whereabouts of Poseidon’s trident… well that was all Greek to Van Helsing.

. . .


The mermaid Priyanka on the rocks at Vancouver’s English Bay.

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay.

He had spent the past couple of weeks traversing British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula trying to find Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been abducted by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of Fu Manchu) as vengeance for the Canadian arrest at Vancouver International Airport of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

The pot smoking cactus plant would be freed when Meng Wanzhou was fully freed.

The plant had been hidden in the pot smoke covered hippy village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian Age equivalent of Scotland’s mystical village of Brigadoon) on the Peninsula that had vanished off the face of the earth back in 1969 when Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for…” and there the transmission had ended when all the hippy commune members’ minds had blown simultaneously and the village had disappeared in a mystical marijuana laced mist of pot smoke.

The village/hippy commune only appeared once every 7 years for a single day and a single night.

Only supernatural entities such as vampiresses, gods and goddesses could access the village in the “meantime and in-between time” as an old Stampede Wrestling ring side announcer might phrase it.

Whitstable had hoped that by carrying the supernatural relic of the right hand middle finger of the last Knights-Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay (the same middle finger that de Molay had raised towards his papal interrogators and his French Royal Army captors as he was being burnt at the stake on the night of March 18th 1314) in his pocket that he’d be able to locate the elusive village/hippy commune but no such luck.

It would be another few years before the village/hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom appeared on its own again.

In the meantime Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was pulling his hair out (and might end up having to wear a toupee like his southern neighbour Donald Trump) until his pot smoking prickly little buddy Strawberry Fields Forever was returned to him.

As Whitstable approached the mermaid Priyanka leaning against a rock, he recognized her.

The mermaid might be able to help him with another case he was working on.

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon had recently reported to Interpol that his trident had been stolen.

“Excuse me, Priyanka,” Whitstable greeted the mermaid, “Do you know where Poseidon’s trident is?”.

. . .

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was in Caracas Venezuela on a mission for the British government.

British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee Co-Chairman Renfield R. Renfield had decided that drastic action must be taken against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro for Venezuelan Army soldiers gunning down innocent civilians who were trying to bring food and medical supplies across the Venezuelan-Brazilian border.

Sherrielock Holmes was across from Maduro’s Presidential Palace carrying a poison tipped umbrella.

The poison in the umbrella tip would render Maduro permanently impotent.

The only antidote to the “permanently impotent” poison would be a sperm transfusion from Donald Trump.

Something Maduro would be most reluctant to consider.

When Maduro left the palace, Sherrielock KO’d Maduro’s entire bodyguard with karate kicks.

She then injected the umbrella’s poisoned tip into Maduro’s penis.

The Venezuelan President was now permanently (as opposed to 95% of the time) impotent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 23rd
2019.

Meanwhile in the room next door in the swank New York City hotel in February 1944, the Norse goddess Freya had knocked out Franz Kohler with a bottle of French champagne.

“What a sad waste of French champagne!” Freya thought to herself.

Permalink 31 Comments

Next page »