Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

August 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Literature, News, Poetry, Satire) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-Un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

(with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Henry V over the Saint Crispin’s Day speech)

Donald Trump, preparing for war with North Korea, is set to address the troops.

He is informed by the ghost of the late U.S. Army General William Westmoreland that all transgendered enlisted have now left the U.S. Army.

Donald Trump gazing at what’s left says, “We happy few…”

Trump (beginning speech):

What’s he that twitters so?
My heroes don’t die Westmoreland? No, my late General
If we are marked to fry, we are enow
To do our country loss, and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour (if we ignore the lying news media)
My will, I pray me, wish not one man more
By Trump, I am not covetous for gold (for I have plenty already),
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost (whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean
I’ll have to fire my latest speechwriter or Chief of Staff or press secretary),
It yearns me not if men my garments wear (for I am not transgendered- real men
can wear my garments),
Such outward things dwell not in my desires
(save to grab a fair woman’s ass as I said long years ago),
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive
(wow, this Bill Shakespeare was really prophetic
concerning my Presidency).
No faith my coz (save to attract Bible belt voters), wish not a man from England
(since my campaign slogan was America First!).
Trump’s pence! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more (my VP) methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have (finishing my term without impeachment)
O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through thy ghost,
That he which hath no stomach for this fight,
Let him depart (or be deported); his passport shall be made (and then revoked!),
And crowns for convoy put into his purse (when he is thrown beyon’ yonder wall);

(At this point the amateur actor Snout from the Midsummer Night’s Theatre Company appears in front of Trump dressed as a brick wall. He has graffiti on his brick wall garment that says Gringoland or Bust!)

Snout (as Wall);

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,…

Trump (pointing): Someone get this idiot out of here! Security! Security! Throw the bum out!

(Snout is grabbed by security and hauled away)

Trump (continues his speech quite literally ghostwritten by William Shakespeare):

We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called Fry Kim Jong-un Day
(how Saint Hannibal of Lecter celebrated pre-Vatican II teaching on Friday’s culinary diets)
He that shall live this day (shall feel he’s been microwaved) and comes peeling away home
Shall watch his toes fall off when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Kim Jong-un.
He that shall live this day (singing Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive) and welcome the New Age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast on his neighbours (or at least their remains),
And say ‘Tomorrow is Fry Kim Jong-un.’
Then will he strip his sleeve (with his new metallic cyborg hands) and show his scars,
And say, ‘These wounds I had on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.’
Old men forget (sometimes that they’re wearing a toupee); yet all shall be forgot
But he’ll remember, with cancerous sores,
What feets he lost that day. Then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as decaying teeth-
Donald The Trump, Mattis and Tillerson,
McMaster and Kelly, Ivanka and Jared,
Be in their flowing cups (and streams of blood red) freshly rememb’ red.
This story shall the good man teach his son (Barron, where are you?);
And Fry Kim Jong-un shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world (Trump looks at his watch) “Possibly another hour”,
But we in it shall be remembered (if the lying news media says I’m senile, it’s fake news) –
We few, we happy (but not gay) few, we band of brothers,
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so vile (as to be transgendered),
This day shall toughen his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves lucky they were not here,
And hold their (TV) remotes cheap while none will speak
As they watch on the screen the mushroom cloud that fell on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.

-A Shakespearean satirical speech
written by Christopher
Saturday August 12th
2017.

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Kim Jong-un and Lord Byron Jennings Plan For World Conquest

August 11, 2017 at 8:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Kim Jong-un and Lord Byron Jennings Plan For World Conquest

Sitting over the game board of Risk: The Game of Global Domination in a room that overlooked the Persian Zoroastrian demon Ahriman blest Greek god Hephaestus built intercontinental ballistic missiles of Kim Jong-un, the North Korean 🇰🇵 dictator Kim Jong-un and his British House of Lords member Maoist Communist adviser Lord Byron Jennings were planning world conquest as the Greek god Ares stood outside playing the theme music 🎶 from the movie Dr. Strangelove on his violin 🎻.

Kim Jong-un was looking pleased as the fortune paper slip in his fortune cookie said You shall triumph over the man with the weird looking toupee.

Kim took this as a good sign as he drank his green tea 🍵 and Lord Byron Jennings sipped on his Manhattan cocktail 🍸.

Kim grinned beatifically at Lord Byron Jennings and asked, “So, how shall we begin this game of world conquest?”.

“First we take Manhattan,” Lord Byron sipped his drink, “and then we take Berlin.”

Outside 99 luftballons were sent into the air.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 11th
2017.

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Haiku About North Korea’s 🇰🇵 Kim Jong-un

August 10, 2017 at 5:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About North Korea’s 🇰🇵 Kim Jong-un

Despot Kim Jong-un
like Kaiser Wilhelm he cares
not for ruin war brings

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Mei-ling Manchu and Kim Jong-un’s English Lord Adviser

August 1, 2017 at 4:34 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Beijing-based Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu was starting to worry about one of her vampiric sires- Lord Byron Jennings.

She had kidnapped Byron Jennings 84 years ago in London when he was an 8-year-old boy and had brought him back to China with her.

Mei-ling Manchu had celebrated the birth of the People’s Republic of China on October 1st 1949 by allowing a vampire to bite her on the neck and turn her into a vampiress.

She had turned her protege Byron Jennings into a vampire on June 25th 1950 to celebrate North Korea’s invasion of South Korea.

When Kim Jong-un was declared supreme leader of North Korea on December 28th 2011, Beijing sent the Englishman Byron Jennings to Pyongyang to serve as an adviser to the new young North Korean leader.

Just over a month ago, Byron Jennings celebrated his 67th vampiric birthday June 25th of this year by claiming his long dead late grandfather’s lordly title in the British House of Lords.

Now the Maoist Communist Lord Byron Jennings was plotting with Kim Jong-un the destruction of the United States of America.

Mei-ling Manchu felt that her Communist and vampiric protege Lord Byron Jennings and Kim Jong-un were going too far this time.

So Mei-ling Manchu arranged a secret meeting in Tokyo with South Korean National Intelligence Service agent and former vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

There at that meeting, Mei-ling Manchu delivered to Hyung Grace Kwan everything she knew about the evil plans of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un and his Communist British Lord adviser Lord Byron Jennings.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 1st
2017.

Communist Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu
The Communist Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu in August 2017 just prior to visiting the Tea House of the August Moon in downtown Tokyo.

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Dracul, Aphrodite and Ares

June 18, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

When Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing returned to his office at MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division Headquarters, he was surprised to see the Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting there waiting for him.

“Aphrodite,” Dracul said, “What a pleasant surprise. Have you brought more news about Hephaestus?”.

“No,” Aphrodite shook her head, “Hephaestus has given up building missiles for North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. He’s now working on building incredible machines for a steampunk genre sci-fi film about Jack the Ripper escaping down the Thames River in a submarine.”

“I’ll have to see that movie when it comes out,” said Dracul.

“Have you seen the new Wonder Woman film?” Aphrodite asked.

“Not yet,” said Dracul, “but I’d like to. It sounds like an excellent film judging from the reviews. It’s set against the background of the First World War which I’ve recently started studying. The First World War is often overshadowed by World War II and yet World War II would not have happened without the events set in motion during World War I.”

“Do you know what the film is about?” The goddess asked.

“Diana battling Ares the god of war,” Dracul answered.

“Yes, and the film seems to be somewhat prophetic,” Aphrodite stated, “my brother Ares is now under the impression that he should really start World War III at the moment.”

“Well, all the chess pieces are certainly now in place,” Dracul conceded, “Vladimir Putin is in the Middle East, Donald Trump is in the Oval Office, Kim Jong-un is in the nuthouse playground building missiles, Saudi Arabia and Iran are now making war noises against one another, and an airhead is now Prime Minister of the British Empire.”

“That’s about it,” said Aphrodite.

Dracul Van Helsing alerted Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol as to the Greek war god’s plans.

“Anything else?” Dracul inquired of Aphrodite.

“Have you been a good boy this past week?” Aphrodite asked him.

“No, I haven’t,” Dracul admitted, “I’ve been a very naughty boy.”

“Well then,” Aphrodite smoothed her skirt, “you better get across my knee and I’ll give you a good spanking.”
The Greek Goddess Aphrodite

Dracul did so.

Aphrodite gave him a good spanking.

And then they made wild passionate love afterwards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 18th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing and The 84-Year-Old Kidnapping Mystery

May 18, 2017 at 4:03 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing had just received a text message from the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

She had gone to Pyongyang North Korea and convinced her husband Hephaestus to stop building missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He agreed.

The trouble was he had already built 666 missiles for Kim Jong-un.

And the missile of his that North Korea had launched this past weekend had been successful.

In addition, an ancient Persian talismanic image that had been painted on each missile (showing the image of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull with the words IN HOC SIGNO VINCES above the image) seemed to ensure the missiles’ success.

Kim Jong-un had been instructed to paint the image and the accompanying Latin slogan on his missiles by a beautiful Korean vampiress who was a disciple of the Persian demonic god-prince Ahriman.

The Korean vampiress appeared wearing a white gown to Kim Jong-un and gave him his instructions.

She was known to Kim only as the Mysterious Woman In White.

Aphrodite’s information to Dracul had been confirmed in a report sent to him by his friend Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable did not tell Van Helsing that the source for his information was Dracul’s ex-girlfriend the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan (now an agent for the South Korean National Intelligence Service who was currently spying in North Korea).

Dracul decided to phone Whitstable to further discuss the report.

After rehashing what had been said in the original report, Whitstable said, “Oh Dracul, there’s something else.”

“What would that be?” Dracul asked.

“Kim Jong-un apparently has an advisor- an Englishman who was loaned to him from the People’s Republic of China,” Whitstable stated.

“An Englishman who used to work for the People’s Republic of China and now works for North Korea’s dictator?” Dracul was amazed, “Who is this Englishman?”.

“Do you recall reading in your history books about the kidnapping of Byron Jennings back in the early 1930s?” Whitstable inquired.

“That was the case referred to by the North American press at the time as Britain’s Charles Lindbergh Jr. Kidnapping,” Dracul recalled, “although Byron Jennings was considerably older than Charles Lindbergh Jr. Byron was the grandson of a leading member of the British House of Lords at the time Lord Oswald Jennings as well as the son of a not so leading British Conservative MP of the day Spencer Jennings. Rumour had it that Byron had been kidnapped by Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life Fu Manchu.”

“That is correct, Dracul,” Whitstable acknowledged, “and that’s who is currently advising Kim Jong-un. None other than Byron Jennings who was kidnapped as an 8-year-old-boy 84 years ago.”

“Good lord,” said Dracul, “he must now be in his 90s.”

“He is,” Whitstable admitted, “but he doesn’t look it. He’s a vampire.”

“Really?” said Dracul, “Who turned him into a vampire?”.

“Mei-ling Manchu the daughter of Fu Manchu,” Whitstable answered, “who’s currently alive and Undead and well and living as a vampiress in Beijing.”

After talking with Whistable for a while longer, Dracul then telephoned Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard and told him to finally close the books on an 84-year-old kidnapping mystery.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 18th
2017.

Red Dress Mei-ling Manchu
Mei-ling Manchu becoming a vampiress after becoming a red dress Communist.

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Kim Jong-un’s Strange Dream

April 27, 2017 at 4:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un had had a busy day.

He spent part of it overseeing the executions of people he deemed his “enemies”.

That took more than half his day. Finally he had to leave the execution site and attend to his other chores.

The other part of the day he spent inspecting the milking of cows while he smiled benignly with dairy workers in photos taken and released to the international press to show the world what a nice happy go-lucky guy he was.

Kim did wonder though why it took North Korean Red Army soldiers pointing their guns at them to force the North Korean dairy workers to smile.

Of course those soldiers with pointed guns weren’t shown in the photos released to the international press.

Kim then went home to bed where he had another beautiful North Korean Red Army female soldier waiting for him to attend to his special needs.

Once again trying to raise a certain part of his anatomy went about as successfully as most of his missile launches.

What a pity.

He would have to have his beautiful female companion for this night executed.

He couldn’t risk stories about his poor bedroom performance leaking out.

Kim Jong-un then watched a video of his half-brother Kim Jong-nam keeling over in Kuala Lumpur International Airport and dying.

Laughing, he turned off the TV and then the lights and went to sleep.

He dreamed he was walking by the ruins of an ancient temple that locals called the “Red Basilica”.

A voice from the Red Basilica hearkened unto him.

“Enter,” said the voice.

He entered the temple and there above the ruined altar, he saw a vision magically appear above it.

The vision showed a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull.

Above the vision of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull were these words, IN HOC SIGNO VINCES.

As Kim’s knowledge of Latin was non-existent, a voice after several moments spoke these words, “In this sign, conquer.”

Since Kim’s English wasn’t so great either, the voice then spoke the same words in Korean.

Kim stood there with a stupid looking expression on his face.

Finally a beautiful Korean woman in a white gown appeared over the altar and said, “It means, you idiot, you take this vision you saw of the scorpion attacking the white bull and you paint it on your missiles and they will rise and perform and do what it is that they’re supposed to do.”

“Oh,” Kim answered.

He then woke up.

He then phoned his missile launch center and told them to paint a picture of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull and then place a painting of the image on each one of his missiles.

He hung up the phone.

He then wondered if he should get a Pyongyang tattoo artist to put a tattoo of the image (a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull) on a certain part of his anatomy and he might get a better performance out of it.

No, Kim shook his head.

He had a vision of a Korean George Costanza (the name of a character from the American TV show Seinfeld) saying to him, “That’s gotta hurt.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 27th
2017.

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Cthulhu On The South China Sea

April 11, 2017 at 4:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“Mr. President,” Trump’s aide was forced to interrupt him as he was writing yet another Twitter tweet, “ships are being attacked in the South China Sea.”

“Whose ships?” Trump looked up, “our ships? Who’s doing the attacking? The Chinese?”.

“All types of countries’ ships are being attacked in the South China Sea including China’s,” the aide replied, “and the attack is being carried out by a strange sea creature who stands hundreds of meters tall, has an octopus head for a head, the wings of a dragon on its back and has giant humanoid arms and legs with its hands and feet webbed.”

“Sounds like the preview trailer I saw for the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow,” Trump reflected.

“Nevertheless it’s real, Mr. President,” the aide said grimly, “The NSA believe that it’s the creature Cthulhu originally believed to have been a fictional character first mentioned in the works of an early 20th Century horror story writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

Trump picked up the phone and dialed a number, “Hello, Ivanka? Get thee to a library and read up everything you can find about a fictional monster called Cthulhu mentioned in the works of a horror writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

. . .

The Royal Australian Navy ship The H.M.S. Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee was the only one that survived the attack by the creature Cthulhu of all the ships attacked in the South China Sea that fateful day of April 11th 2017.

First Mate Gil Mebson asked Captain Haul Pogan how their ship The Dowdee managed to survive.

“Well when we left Mumbai,” Captain Pogan took off his alligator boot to scratch his foot, “that psychic I had gone to see in Mumbai Tantric Tanya advised me to cover the ship in garlic. When I asked why, she said, I’d know the reason when we sailed back to Australia. This must be the reason.”

“So this Cthulhu creature is allergic to garlic like vampires and certain demons are,” Gil Mebson said as he ate his butter chicken.

“Apparently,” Captain Pogan opened a can of beer, “and it’s a good thing too. Otherwise I might never have heard the song Waltzing Matilda sung ever again.”

“That ship there doesn’t seem to have been attacked either,” Gil Mebson pointed to a ship that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

“It appears to be a North Korean ship judging from the flag,” Captain Pogan peered through his binoculars, “and it’s got a huge television screen atop the mass broadcasting a speech from North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.”

“I wonder what he’s saying,” Gil Mebson drank some rum.

“Well, if my Korean serves me correctly,” Captain Pogan replied, “Korean which I learned from making love with beautiful female members of the Korean Dragon Sisterhood Warrioress Society back in my days in Seoul, Kim Jong-un is reciting passages from the Necronomicon in Korean. The Necronomicon was originally written in Arabic by Abdul Alhadrez in Damascus in 730 AD. I myself read the Latin edition of The Necronomicon as a young Jesuit seminarian until I decided I couldn’t accept celibacy after attending a Sean Connery James Bond Film Festival held in Melbourne. I believe the passages Kim Jong-un is reciting are those passages that call the Cthulhu to rise from his home at the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was surprised to receive a phone call from South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

He hadn’t talked to Hyung ever since she broke up with his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Hyung had caught Dracul in bed in a menage a trois with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Egyptian vampiress Isis back on December 21st 2012 the day the world was supposed to end.

“Hyung, what’s up?” Whitstable asked.

“It’s Kim Jong-un,” Hyung replied, “last Christmas, he managed to get his hands on an ancient Korean copy of the book The Necronomicon. He’s now using that book to raise deadly occultic supernatural creatures from their resting places in the Underworld and at the bottom of the sea.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable, “too bad western intelligence hadn’t found about this earlier.”

Whitstable had on his desk a detailed report about today’s Cthulhu attacks in the South China Sea.

“Kim Jong-nam his half-brother found out about it and was going to reveal all after a gambling trip to Macau,” Hyung said, “but he got that fatal VX nerve agent towel in the face at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.”

“And now the young Stalinist brat Kim Jong-un has raised Cthulhu to attack shipping in the South China Sea by broadcasting Necronomicon pasages via satellite transmission to large screen TVs on North Korean ships,” Whitstable seethed.

“Who knows what other monsters he’s now going to raise?” Hyung looked over at her Samsung large screen TV.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 11th
2017.

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Dulcinea Lucia and Kim Jong-un

January 7, 2016 at 7:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia and Kim Jong-un

Gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia had a dream about the Far East as she lay in bed.

She dreamed she was in a theatre in Pyongyang the North Korean capital.

On stage suddenly appeared the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un holding a microphone and dressed in a white tuxedo and doing the John Travolta Saturday Night Fever pose.

Behind Kim Jong-un, a map of America was projected on to the wall behind him.

Turning with his microphone towards the projected map of America, the North Korean dictator started to sing to the tune of the song Daisy A Day,

” I’ll give you an H-bomb a day, dear
I’ll give you an H-bomb a day
I’ll bomb you until the rivers run red
And the flesh off your dead bodies melts away…”

On the floor of the stage where the Hermit Kingdom’s psychopath-in-chief sang, a severed charcoal burnt Black Hand single handedly vigourously applauded with its fingers and thumb.

Dulcinea Lucia woke up screaming.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 6th
2016.

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Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield

January 9, 2014 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana knocked on the knockers of the door of the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She was dressed in the tight brown skirted uniform of a member of the North Korean Army’s Women’s Corps.

She had recently left North Korea where she had been for celebrations marking the 31st birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set answered the door.

He was wearing a red velvet dressing robe and smoking a pipe.

He had been in the bathtub playing with his rubber ducky and making plans for the new political party he had just founded- The British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.

“Rennie,” Morgana spoke to him in an out-of-breath voice, “we need to talk.”

. . .

Elton was walking on thin ground with his employers at Special Branch.

He had blown his last 10 assignments.

One more and he was out of his job with Special Branch.

His mission today was to stand at this street corner and wait for the Ukrainian Ambassador to London to walk towards him.

He was then to put the Ukrainian Ambassador into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine which would then drive away to an undisclosed location where the Ambassador would have a top-secret meeting with British Prime Minister David Cameron to discuss the on-going political crisis in Ukraine.

Elton was wearing pink-framed and rose-coloured sunglasses like those worn by his mother’s idol Sir Elton John (for whom he was named).

As such he had forgotten his regular eyeglasses at home.

Walking down the street was Amadeus Emanon the genetically cloned and laboratory created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA of locks of hair from composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman).

Amadeus just happened to be carrying a take-out dish of perogies and sour cream.

As soon as Elton caught the whiff of perogies and sour cream, he deduced that this must be the Ukrainian Ambassador and so immediately grabbed Amadeus and pushed him into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine.

And so Amadeus was off- to an unexpected meeting with David Cameron the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

And Elton stood there on the street waving to the departing limousine- oblivious to the fact that he’d soon be out of a job.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 9th
2014.

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