Renfield and The Norwegian Terror Suspect

July 27, 2011 at 8:37 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“I’m not having much fun interrogating Anders Behring Breivik,” Renfield said over the phone from Oslo, Norway.

“Why not?” Amadeus asked.

“Because the guy’s willing to talk,” Renfield complained, “how can I torture a suspect when he’s willing to talk? It’s much more fun when they refuse to talk so then I can torture them. I’m having to end up asking the guy questions from Trivia Night down at our old George and Dragon Pub that we used to go to and when he doesn’t know the answers or answers incorrectly, then I get the chance to torture him.”

“I see,” Amadeus commented.

“And another thing, I thought this guy was supposed to be a fundamentalist Christian,” Renfield complained, “and yet he says he believes in Darwinian evolution. I didn’t think fundamentalist Christians believed in Darwinian evolution. He says in his long-winded 1,500 page manifesto “… it is essential that science takes an undisputed precedence over biblical teachings.” Furthermore the guy’s a Freemason. I thought Lucifer was the Great Architect of the Universe in Freemasonic teachings. Fundamentalist Christians are worshipping Lucifer now? He also writes on page 1307 of his long-winded 1,500 page manifesto that “If you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and God, then you are a religious Christian. Myself and many more like me do not necessarily have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and God.” Is that the thinking of fundamentalist Christians nowadays?”.

“Well maybe since the advent of Rick Warren and the Church has now become Purpose Driven rather than Christ driven, that’s the feeling of fundamentalist Christians these days,” Amadeus answered.

To be continued.

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Renfield’s Joy Then Despair

July 23, 2011 at 4:48 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“You look awfully happy again,” Amadeus remarked to Renfield.

“That’s because Norwegian police just hired me to do a freelance interrogation of the main suspect in yesterday’s terror attack in Oslo and at some kids’ summer camp,” Renfield smiled, “this interrogation will offer me the chance to practice my Norwegian.”

“But you don’t speak Norwegian,” Amadeus pointed out.

“That’s why it will give me the chance to practice Norwegian,” Renfield laughed.

Suddenly the phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

Moments later, Renfield burst into tears.

“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.

“Singer Amy Winehouse is dead at age 27,” Renfield sobbed uncontrollably.

“Wow, I never thought I’d see you cry at the death of a fellow human being,” Amadeus was flabbergasted at this show of compassion on Renfield’s part.

“Normally I wouldn’t,” Renfield said between sobs and tears, “but just yesterday I placed a 2500 pound sterling bet with my bookie predicting that the age at which Amy Winehouse would die would be 28.”

To be continued.

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