Napoleon Returns To Earth On His Coronation’s 217th Anniversary

December 2, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon Bonaparte the Emperor Napoleon I had returned to Earth up from the Underworld on this December 2nd 2021 which was the 217th Anniversary of his Coronation.

Napoleon and his wife Josephine had been crowned Emperor and Empress of France at Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 1804.

Napoleon vomited ectoplasm all over the place when he walked by a television screen that showed the architects’ plans for a Disney like theme park in the rebuilt Notre Dame Cathedral.

“This Emmanuel Macron should be removed from power for allowing such an abomination of desolation and incredibly bad taste to take place,” Napoleon’s ghost thought to himself.

This was a different opinion than Pope Francis had expressed to one of his aides when he remarked that “I always thought Mickey Mouse’s portrayal of the sorcerer (or was it his apprentice?) in the 1940 film Fantasia was the perfect animated film portrayal of my own personal God of Surprises. Therefore a Disney themed park Notre Dame in Paris is a perfect architectural display of my brilliantly written motu proprio issued Apostolic Letter Traditionis custodes.”

A Swiss cuckoo who escaped from a Swiss cuckoo clock crapped all over Jose Mario Bergoglio after he made the pronouncement.

As for Napoleon, he continued walking around London which was to be the beginning of his earthly mission.

He wasn’t quite sure what this mission was.

Nor was he sure of what caused his dispensational release from Purgatory.

He was just relieved that the three-headed dog Cerberus hadn’t bitten him when he left the Underworld.

. . .

The Set News Network was showing an old movie clip of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler giving a fiery speech at a Nuremberg rally.

For audio, the voice was not that of Hitler screaming but of Twitter’s new CEO Parag Agrawal screaming,

“The company’s rule going forward is not to be bound by the First Amendment. It is to focus less on thinking about free speech, but thinking about how the times have changed. Most people can speak. Well our rule is particularly to be emphasized who can be heard.”

A group of Twitter tweeting birds entered the Nuremberg stadium shouting in unison with their right legs extended, “Sieg heils. Sieg heils.”

. . .

Napoleon’s ghost walked by a pub which had a radio on.

This was the top of the hour news:

“A court has ordered the FDA to release its documents on the Pfizer vaccine. The first batch of documents shows that there were over 1,200 vaccine deaths within the first 90 days…”

“British MP Renfield R. Renfield has taken over that radio station,” UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson pulled his messy uncombed unkempt hair as he walked by, “That radio station is now reporting the facts. We can’t have that. This isn’t an episode of the old radio program Dragnet with Jack Webb with its emphasis on “Just the facts, ma’am. Just the facts.” This is supposed to be news. Not facts. Not truth.”

Johnson was kicked in the butt by a small teddy bear who was dressed in the army uniform of an early 19th Century French general.

“Where did that bear come from?” Napoleon’s ghost wondered.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 2nd
2021.

This French countess isn’t planning to attend anyone’s coronation in this new Abomination of Desolation revamped Disney themed Notre Dame Cathedral.

Permalink 10 Comments

The 2019 Burning of Notre Dame In Paris: How It Was A Portent For Humanity’s Future

September 27, 2021 at 11:07 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Parish Church in West London, a former Vicar of St. Swithin’s By The Floodwaters near the Cotswolds town of Tewkesbury and one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.

Tonight he’d be delivering a sermon at the St. Genevieve’s Monday Night Evensong Prayer Service entitled The 2019 Burning of Notre Dame In Paris: How It Was A Portent For Humanity’s Future.

Concert pianist, musician and singer Amadeus Emanon (who was a member of the St. Genevieve’s Church Congregation) decided to attend.

So too did his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield was currently in hot water with many of the ministries in the British government.

This past Friday evening Renfield and a couple of vampiress acquiantances of his (Ho Babylon Minh and Mei-ling Manchu) had pushed Neo-Vichy Paris policemen to their deaths from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Thus angering Paris police authorities.

Ho Babylon Minh at Renfield’s suggestion had recently taken Hunter Biden’s tiny testicles hostage pissing off the Biden White House.

Mei-ling Manchu at Renfield’s suggestion had recently taken Xi Jinping’s tiny testicles hostage pissing off the CCP Supreme Leadership in Beijing.

Of course those actions had finally led to a plea bargain between the U.S. Department of Justice and Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou leading to the release of the Two Michaels (Canadian citizens Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor) after spending over 1000 days in solitary confinement in Chinese prisons on trumped-up espionage charges in retaliation for Meng Wanzhou’s arrest at Vancouver International Airport.

Australia was also pissed off with Renfield since ASIO (the Australian Security Intelligence Organization) knew but had been unable to prove that Renfield was smuggling arms to Australian freedom fighters fighting the pro-NWO (New World Order) Police Forces in the Australian states of New South Wales, Victoria and South Australia.

The Italian government was pissed off at Renfield since Renfield in a speech to the Tewkesbury Italian Restaurateurs’ Association this past Saturday had called for the overthrow of the Italian government.

Renfield had also pissed off Pope Francis and the Vatican by claiming that Francis was a satanic antipope.

Renfield was also in hot water with the French government after having provided a French assailant with the Cockatrice egg that had crowned Emmanuel Macron on the head at a food trade fair in Lyon today.

Macron was hit with the Cockatrice egg as a choir of English song birds sang those Easter hymn lyrics, “And crown him, crown him, crown him, and crown him lord of all.”

“Un oeuf! Enough!” Macron cried after being hit by the egg.

Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds noted in his sermon:

“Who can forget the burning spire atop Notre Dame Cathedral as it fell?
The Gallic Rooster has been a symbol of France since early medieval times and the Gallic Rooster was atop that spire. Within that rooster were three relics: a relic of St. Denis, a relic of St. Genevieve and a thorn from Christ’s Crown of Thorns (found by Saint Helena the mother of the Roman Emperor Constantine). When the burning spire collapsed, it inverted itself so that it was pointed straight down like an arrow plunging into the Earth.

When it came down, it plunged straight into the wooden Novus Ordo Communion table destroying it.

The rooster survived battered but with the relics intact.

The Tridentine altar behind the Novus Ordo Communion table survived with its Pieta (statue of the Virgin Mary holding the crucified Christ’s body) and the medieval Cross behind it intact.

Nor is it lost on us that this disaster (of April 15th 2019) came on Monday of Holy Week the day after Palm Sunday.

The Gospel readings for that day relate to Christ cursing the fig tree because it refused to produce fruit much like the Novus Ordo Mass has since its inception.

In the parable of the fig tree we learn that Israel is cursed because it stopped producing fruit.

And now through the portents of Notre Dame, the Novus Ordo Church is cursed because of a lack of fruit.

Within 6 months of the burning of Notre Dame, the “abomination of desolation” (statues of Pachamama the fiery red dragon woman worshipped as the earth mother goddess by the Incas) stands in the “holy place” (besides the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica).

Within six months after that, a pandemic is declared.

From a virus called corona meaning “crown”.

And the unique feature of this virus is little spikes sticking out of it.

Spikes that resemble a thorn such as can be found in a crown of thorns.

Spikes that also resemble spikes that are driven through a crucified man’s hands and feet.

The CDC’s own statistics show that this virus does have a high recovery rate.

For those who experience the worst from this virus, blood fills the lungs and they die.

Much like what happens when one dies from being crucified.

Our materialistic world however has yet to put two and two together.”

-Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 27th
2021.

Permalink 6 Comments

Notre Dame In Paris To Be Restored With Original Gothic Style Spire

July 11, 2020 at 10:18 pm (Art, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The spire of Notre Dame Cathedral which was destroyed in a fire in April of 2019 will be restored according to the original Gothic design French President Emmanuel Macron announced a couple of days ago.

Macron had originally said after the fire that he was in favour of a “contemporary gesture”.

However the French President wanted the restoration to be completed by 2024 when Paris is hosting the Olympics for that year (assuming of course that most of humanity hasn’t died off from the Covid-19 virus or died off from massive carbon dioxide poisoning after having worn face masks 24 hours a day in the last idiotic decree of the WHO and numerous politicians around the world).

The process of designing a contemporary modern spire with an international competition for architects of no doubt exceedingly bad taste would have caused unnecessary delays.

France’s National Heritage and Architecture Commission thus recommended going with a spire in the original Gothic design.

The Cathedral’s first spire was built in the 13th Century but due to extensive damage it had to be removed in the late 18th Century.

Its replacement, designed in the Gothic style by architect Eugene Violett-le-Duc, was built in the mid-19th Century.

Jean-Louis Georgelin (the French Army General put in charge of the reconstruction effort) wanted a modern or maybe even a post-modern alternative to replace Violett-le-Duc’s Gothic design.

Architects from around the world submitted designs including one design with a rooftop pool and another with a giant park and greenhouse on the roof.

Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie had even submitted an architectural design that showed a giant male phallus surrounded by pancakes.

It was mercifully lost in the mail.

The cathedral’s chief architect Philippe Villeneuve consistently spoke out in favour of a faithful restoration of the previous 19th Century Gothic style design.

This upset Gen. Georgelin and in a heated exchange at a meeting of the French National Assembly’s Cultural Affairs Committee last November, the General told Monsieur Villeneuve to shut his mouth.

Seconds later, Gen. Georgelin had a Devonshire Cheese cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

Although a few Harvey Wallbanger imbibing members of the committee swore it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears who did the deed.


Esmeralda and her pet goat Djali look on in horror at some of the proposed designs for Notre Dame’s spire.

-A vampire novel written by Christopher
Saturday July 11th 2020.

Permalink 21 Comments

Origins of May The Fourth

May 4, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Origins of May The Fourth

Back in the mid-1970s as George Lucas was holding auditions for the voice of Darth Vader for his upcoming Star Wars motion picture, among those auditioning for the voice role were writer and actor Truman Capote.

This was the line all audition participants were to speak when auditioning for the Darth Vader voice role, “May the Force be with you.”

Then it came Truman Capote’s turn to audition.

Truman Capote (speaking with his usual fruity lisp): May the fourth be with you.

Thinking that for a galactic villain whose voice was supposed to send chills down audience spines and make their blood run cold, the makers of Star Wars settled for the deep baritone voice of James Earl Jones instead.

However back in the early 2000s, an Australian with the popular nickname of Uncle Ernie found the Truman Capote audition video tape in an old Star Wars lunch box he found in some old cupboards in his backyard unregulated and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing lab.

And a legend was born.

Since that time, May the Fourth became known as International Star Wars Day.

As May the Force Be With You became Truman Capote’s immortal May the Fourth Be With You.

. . .

“Beam me up, Scotty,” William Shatner spoke to his AI automated dispenser of his favourite brand of toilet paper as he sat on his starship throne.

. . .

Meanwhile in the catacombs of Paris, Marmalade Montague the eccentric former baker who had recently proclaimed himself Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze overheard a plot by a group of Grand Orient Lodge Freemasons to turn Notre Dame Cathedral into a New Age Freemasonic Temple.

Said the Grand Orient Lodge master, “I’ve been told by the Divine Falcon Headed Human Body Hybrid Horus himself that a world altering miracle will happen this coming May 14th.”

“That’s the same day Pope Francis told all the religions of the world to pray together isn’t it?” the Lodge secretary inquired.

“It is,” the Grand Orient Lodge master answered.

Marmalade Montague decided he better exit the catacombs before his presence was noted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 4th 
2020.


The Greek goddess Aphrodite pointing downwards at a snake slithering along the floor of one of the Vatican Museum halls.

Permalink 16 Comments

Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

April 16, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Dr. Cadbury Rocher the chief scientist of Set Enterprises, British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists, Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol and Australian outback based Amadeus Emanon were having another video conferencing discussion via Skype.

“Well, the economy will have to open up again gradually,” Set stated, “or the world is going to fall into a great economic depression from which it will never recover. Not of course that the Communists in the WHO, the UN, the Vatican or numerous national bureaucracies all over the globe care since a great economic depression is right up their Marxist totalitarian despot alley. But it will have to take place gradually not full speed ahead like the would be American Neo-Roman Caesar Donald Trump would have it. I think though all major public events all over the world such as sporting events, concerts, parades, rodeos and any other massive public gatherings will have to be put on hold until at least September 30th of this year. Let’s be realistic about that. If governments all over the world would say that, they’d be honest. After a while of extending lockdowns for 25 days after every 25 days which seems to be the way the bozos of our national leaders all over the world seem to be going, people are going to start getting cynical about the whole thing. There can be a gradual opening up of various businesses over the new few months. But any large events or massive public gatherings are out. Until at least September 30th of this year. And sadly maybe even beyond if necessary. But at least prepare the world for the fact that no major sporting events or parades or concerts or massive social gatherings are going to happen this summer of 2020. And not until a week after the autumn equinox after that.”

“If the governments of the world were honest, they’d tell people that,”
Renfield admitted.

“But are most of the governments of the world honest?” Amadeus asked as he ate a slice of pecan pie.

“No,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of whisky.

“Glad to see that we’ve got that out of the way,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher dusted some dandruff off his lab coat.

“What does Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster have to say about the world political scene?” Set asked Dr. Rocher.

“Well, he says that Joe Biden is not going to get the Democratic Presidential nomination this year,” Dr. Rocher wiped his glasses.

“Why not?” Set swallowed another live crocodile, “I thought Biden had the number of delegates pretty well sewn up including every other candidate (among which was Bernie Sanders) endorsing him.”

“Yes, but ever since January of this year, Michelangelo has had this vision of Joe Biden keeling over,” Dr. Rocher noted.

“Keeling over?” Set took a giant Rolaids tablet for his giant heart burn.

“Kicking the bucket, croaking,” Dr. Rocher explained as a frog hopped out of a frozen ice bucket of Corona beer behind him.

“Well, that would definitely upend the U.S. Democratic Party if that were to happen,” Renfield lit his pipe.

“Wasn’t Michelangelo the only being on the planet back in early October of 2016 who was predicting that Donald Trump would win the Presidency when all the opinion polls were showing that he was 20 points behind Hillary?” Amadeus asked.

“There was a geopolitical analyst who found himself having to live in a homeless shelter in Calgary back in the summer and early autumn of 2016 who was saying much the same thing,” Renfield was on to his second bottle of whisky, “And everyone was telling him that he was crazy. But like so often, his insanity turned out to be more accurate than everybody else’s sanity.”

“So who’s going to be the Democratic nominee?” Set bit into a marmalade laced scone.

“Michelangelo won’t say,” Dr. Rocher shrugged, “He’s keeping those cards close to his chest.”

“Michelangelo always was a Hell of a poker player,” Renfield was suddenly remembering that he still owed the lobster £10,000 from their last poker game.

“Anything else about the U.S. political scene we should know vis-a-vis Michelangelo?” Set bit into some homemade apple pie.

“The U.S. Presidential election may be postponed until a later date,” Dr. Rocher answered as the ghost of Nero started playing his fiddle in the background and the ghost of Julius Caesar started getting the blood washed off his toga.

. . .

The Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai stood inside the empty Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and admired his handiwork.

A year ago yesterday Father Caiaphas had set fire to it while riding a fire breathing basilisk named Basilisk Wrathsbone.

Father Caiaphas laughed as he opened up his 1588 Latin edition of The Necronomicon and started saying a few prayers.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an emergency email from the Norse goddess Freya saying that her stepson Thor was up to no good in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

They were to meet in person in gondolas on the now empty canals of Venice.

The Norse goddess Freya waited for Dracul Van Helsing in her gondola on the canals of Venice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Thursday April 16th
2020.

Permalink 10 Comments

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

Permalink 8 Comments

Welsh Vampiress Morgana and The Killer Locust

July 17, 2019 at 10:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Welsh Vampiress Morgana and The Killer Locust

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was being followed by a spy for the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.

She was walking through Collingwood Hills Park not far from the estate of the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

The spy (which was a giant locust) had been created by the Jesuit priest and scientist Father Caiaphas Bar Yochai who did contract research work and experimentation for Osiris.

Father Caiaphas would have been best known (if people knew he did it) for having stolen a flying basilisk (a creature part rooster and part serpent who usually did not have the ability to fly) that had been genetically created by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, and the Jesuit had used the flying basilisk with its venomous fiery breath to set fire to Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris this past April 15th.

Osiris knew that the Welsh vampiress Morgana was the parliamentary colleague and fellow British Transhumanist MP of Renfield R. Renfield a former Set Enterprises employee who still worked closely with his former boss the Vampire Set (who was Osiris’ arch enemy).

The Egyptian deity (who resided in Rome not far from the Vatican) thought that spying on Renfield’s parliamentary colleague might prove informative and advantageous.

Father Caiaphas’ spy locust made a lot of noise as it followed
Morgana through the forest.

Morgana quickly turned around.

Fortunately for Morgana, she had received a text message that morning from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (who had typed it on his waterproof iPhone with his lobster claws in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory).

Michelangelo advised her to put some extra strength Raid House and Garden Bug Killer on her spiked stilettos as this might come in handy at some point in the day.

Morgana had followed Michelangelo’s advice and put some on the points of her spiked stilettos.

As soon as Morgana saw the locust spy, she kicked it with one of her insecticidal laced spiked stilettos on one of her high heeled shoes.

The huge locust immediately fell over dead.

“How did you do that?” Asked an astonished bystander.

“It’s like that old TV commercial used to say,” Morgana smiled at him, “It’s Raid. Guaranteed to kill bugs dead.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 17th
2019.

Author’s note: The above is apparently my 2000th blog post that I’ve posted on WordPress.

Wow, 2000 blog posts already.

Permalink 6 Comments

Notre Dame Reflections

April 17, 2019 at 9:29 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

“Hold the Cross high so I may continue to see it through the flames.”

-Joan of Arc

France’s national leader Emmanuel Macron held a somewhat different opinion than that held by France’s national saint when it comes to dealing with situations regarding fire.

The globalist New World Order leader and noted admirer of cougars who was promising to rebuild Notre Dame within 5 years (just in time for the 2024 Summer Olympics that Mr. Macron naturally visualized himself presiding over) thought that the new Notre Dame should reflect multicultural diversity rather than Catholicism.

Fortunately for Mr. Macron, he was not alone in holding to such idiocy.

One of the editors of Rolling Stone magazine likewise postulated that a rebuilt Notre Dame should reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Catholic past.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster safely prophesied that the editor would not be calling on the Islamic mosques at Mecca and Medina to do the same thing- that the mosques should be rebuilt to reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Islamic past.

Said Renfield, “That is a safe prophecy to make. The rolling stoned editor knows that if he were to bloody well suggest that, he’d find himself being bodily dismembered by Saudi assassins who work part time as janitorial staff at Saudi embassies and consulates throughout the world.”

A professor of architecture at Harvard University had likewise suggested much the same thing- that Notre Dame should be a multicultural center rather than a symbol of Catholicism.

Noted Renfield, “Just last week I heard a commentator on the state of advanced education in the U.S. say that Harvard and Yale are no longer the institutions of culture and higher learning that they used to be. I guess that assessment is 100% correct.”

One reporter on the scene at Notre Dame commented, “The day after the night before at Notre Dame de Paris, the High Altar stands untouched with its gleaming Cross, along with the figure of the weeping Madonna holding her dead son Jesus in her arms. Meanwhile the modern altar installed after Vatican II lays buried under rubble from the collapsed roof.”

Pope Francis had already retreated to his room in the Vatican to put on sackcloth and ashes upon hearing what had happened to the modern altar.

Government surveyors from Emmanuel Macron’s office were already on the scene visualizing the rebuilding of the new Notre Dame- a statue of an Islamic State terrorist blowing himself up along with statues of tourists at a Parisienne sidewalk cafe being killed by the debris, a statue of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith Jr. rolling a marijuana joint with the angel Moroni and statues of L. Ron Hubbard eloping with Jack Parsons’ mistress while Aleister Crowley looks on approvingly.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 17th
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

The Basilisk and The Fire At Notre Dame Cathedral

April 15, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ resident sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s office with a face whiter than a ghost.

“Your face is whiter than I am,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked.

“And me as well,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who was still in a state of shock over the fact that someone commenting on Dracul Van Helsing’s blog had never heard of him Orson Welles.

“And whiter than I am,” added the ghost of the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who had dropped into Renfield’s office just for the Hell of it.

“It’s this fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Rocher sat down and helped himself to a bottle of Renfield’s whiskey.

“A devastating tragedy for all of humanity,” Renfield agreed.

And the ghosts of Churchill, Amin and Welles nodded their assent.

Within seconds, Amin’s ghost was chased back to the Underworld by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus since it was Underworld policy that dictators and despots inclined to ethnic genocide should not be allowed to leave the place.

Amin returned to his spit alongside King Leopold II of Belgium down in Tartarus.

“Look at these photos someone text messaged me an hour ago,” Dr. Rocher showed Renfield his phone.

“Unholy smoke, Batman!” Renfield exclaimed, “They show a Jesuit priest (wearing his Jesuit robes and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Aleister Crowley) riding a medieval basilisk and setting fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with the basilisk’s fiery venom.”

“But I thought basilisks died out with the end of the Middle Ages,” Churchill bit the end of his spectral cigar, “so the Renaissance pope Julius II wrote in his diary when he hired Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in celebration of the death of the last basilisk.”

“Undoubtedly one of those evil 21st Century Transhumanist scientists has genetically re-created a basilisk again just to show the world they could do it,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of red wine.

“That would be me,” Dr. Rocher did a bad impersonation of American comic Bob Newhart whenever the comedian was caught with his pants down- metaphorically speaking (unlike Bill Clinton).

“You recreated a basilisk?” Renfield was shocked (and resolved never to screw in a lightbulb on his own again).

“I did,” Dr. Rocher held his head in shame, “just to show the world I could do it.”

“What did I tell you?” Welles’ ghost finished his wine and thought back to a radio commercial he once did about frozen peas growing in the ground in Norway in mid-July.

“Oh, shut up, Orson,” Churchill’s ghost was getting irritated.

“And you let this Jesuit have it?” Renfield wiped his spectacles, “Don’t you know that a great multitude of Jesuits are a bunch of satanic perverts?”.

“This Jesuit stole it from the barn where it was being held for safekeeping,” Dr. Rocher blubbered, “along with a Nazi vampire who’s the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.”

“These Nazis never get up to any good,” Renfield fumed over his glass of whiskey.

“Agreed,” Chuchill’s ghost affirmed as he fumed over his glass of brandy.

“Most Jesuits never get up to any good either,” Welles poured himself another spectral glass of red wine and recalled a conversation he once had with film director Alfred Hitchcock on the subject.

On the television in Renfield’s office, the Kraken Napoleon VI addressed the world media with the fire smouldering Notre Dame in the background.

“My wife Medusa and I were married in that cathedral,” the Kraken wept octopus (as opposed to crocodile) tears, “we had ourselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in that Cathedral even though most French citizens never recognized the coronation. The Egyptian vampiress Isis pushed world-famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death from the bell tower of Notre Dame. And Dr. Cadbury Rocher used the vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame (which isn’t so secret anymore now that I just blabbed about it) to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of the vampire Osiris after he had been disintegrated by a Russian laser death ray.”

“I didn’t know you had done that?” Renfield looked at Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Does Set know you did that?”.

“He does now,” Dr. Rocher sighed.

Putting on a tartan kilt and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Mel Gibson as Braveheart William Wallace, the Kraken swore to the world media that he would destroy whoever and whatever was responsible for the fire that engulfed Notre Dame.

“Wait until my great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes finds out I was the one responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame,” Dr. Rocher continued to snivel, “I’ll be unable to sit down comfortably for the next decade.”

“With all due respect, Dr. Rocher,” Renfield admonished, “with this devastation of a great French, European and world cultural landmark, the prospect that your buttocks will be in the upmost suffering and agony for the next 10 years seems the least pressing of all the major problems afflicting the world at the present moment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 15th
2019.


The immortal world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes:
Will get to the bottom of whoever was responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame

Permalink 8 Comments

The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

December 2, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The Crunch Kraken of Notre Dame

After the Kraken found out he was unable to defeat the Cherubim with their flaming swords that guarded the Tree of Life at the east of the Garden of Eden, he quickly fled the Middle East.

Medusa herself stayed behind to do some shopping in the fashion districts of Dubai.

She caught up with the Kraken in Paris.

The Kraken, who in his former pre-Kraken existence had been the noted Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus, now called himself Napoleon VI.

Since today was December 2nd, he decided he’d officially Crown himself Emperor of the French since it was on this date back in 1804 that Napoleon I had crowned himself Emperor of France at Notre Dame Cathedral and it was on this date back in 1852 that Napoleon III had proclaimed himself Emperor of the French.

Napoleon VI went down to the Louvre and helped himself to the Crown of Napoleon I.

The security guards decided not to argue with him since he was a Kraken (they had seen the Geico Insurance TV commercials where a kraken had caused havoc on a golf course).

Outside the Louvre, he strangled a bunch of Islamist terrorists who got in his way (they had not seen the Geico kraken golf course commercials since their major entertainment fare these days consisted of producing and starring in beheading videos).

When Medusa arrived in their hotel room, the Kraken was standing there holding the Imperial Crown of Napoleon I in one of his eight spiked tentacle metallic hands.

He announced he was going down to Notre Dame Cathedral to have the Monsignor there crown him Emperor Napoleon VI of France.

Medusa insisted that was fine but she had better pick up a new dress for the Coronation first.

So some 3-4 hours later and now in their 66th dress shop in Paris’ exclusive fashion district, the Kraken looked at the Rolex watch on one of his 8 tentacled arms and sighed, “I’d really like to get to Notre Dame before it closes.”

“Oh, be quiet, you big grump,” Medusa gazed in the mirror at the dress she was currently wearing, “being crowned Empress of the French is a once in a lifetime experience.”

. . .

Later in Notre Dame Cathedral, Medusa wore a beautiful gold coloured evening dress that Helen of Troy would have probably dumped Paris for and the Kraken wore his post-human Transhuman cyborg octopus test tube birthday suit since he was unable to find a tux that would fit him at the All Night Men’s Formal Wear Rental Store that they had visited.

The Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral was shocked when confronted with the sight of a Kraken wanting himself crowned Emperor Napoleon VI of France.

“I better phone my superiors for permission first,” the Monsignor said.

. . .

“The bells, the bells,” the hunchback papal assistant Quasihomo held his hands over his ears as the papal cell phone went off.

Later Quasihomo entered the papal apartment where Pope Francis was in bed reading a book called How To Look Humble and Self- Effacing In Public (Hint: Only Use A Compact Ford Or Volvo Or Similar Vehicle As Your Popemobile).

“Holy Father, the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is on the line,” Quasihomo explained, “he says that a Kraken calling himself Napoleon VI and the former Gorgon called Medusa want themselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France inside the Cathedral.”

Pope Francis reached for his copy of Dogmatic Theology For Dummies, “Did you say a Kraken calling himself Napoleon VI and the former Gorgon called Medusa want themselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France inside Notre Dame Cathedral ?”.

“Yes,” said Quasihomo.

“Well, who am I to judge?” said Pope Francis.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 2nd
2015.

Permalink 66 Comments

Next page »