Napoleon Returns To Earth On His Coronation’s 217th Anniversary
Napoleon Bonaparte the Emperor Napoleon I had returned to Earth up from the Underworld on this December 2nd 2021 which was the 217th Anniversary of his Coronation.
Napoleon and his wife Josephine had been crowned Emperor and Empress of France at Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 1804.
Napoleon vomited ectoplasm all over the place when he walked by a television screen that showed the architects’ plans for a Disney like theme park in the rebuilt Notre Dame Cathedral.
“This Emmanuel Macron should be removed from power for allowing such an abomination of desolation and incredibly bad taste to take place,” Napoleon’s ghost thought to himself.
This was a different opinion than Pope Francis had expressed to one of his aides when he remarked that “I always thought Mickey Mouse’s portrayal of the sorcerer (or was it his apprentice?) in the 1940 film Fantasia was the perfect animated film portrayal of my own personal God of Surprises. Therefore a Disney themed park Notre Dame in Paris is a perfect architectural display of my brilliantly written motu proprio issued Apostolic Letter Traditionis custodes.”
A Swiss cuckoo who escaped from a Swiss cuckoo clock crapped all over Jose Mario Bergoglio after he made the pronouncement.
As for Napoleon, he continued walking around London which was to be the beginning of his earthly mission.
He wasn’t quite sure what this mission was.
Nor was he sure of what caused his dispensational release from Purgatory.
He was just relieved that the three-headed dog Cerberus hadn’t bitten him when he left the Underworld.
. . .
The Set News Network was showing an old movie clip of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler giving a fiery speech at a Nuremberg rally.
For audio, the voice was not that of Hitler screaming but of Twitter’s new CEO Parag Agrawal screaming,
“The company’s rule going forward is not to be bound by the First Amendment. It is to focus less on thinking about free speech, but thinking about how the times have changed. Most people can speak. Well our rule is particularly to be emphasized who can be heard.”
A group of Twitter tweeting birds entered the Nuremberg stadium shouting in unison with their right legs extended, “Sieg heils. Sieg heils.”
. . .
Napoleon’s ghost walked by a pub which had a radio on.
This was the top of the hour news:
“A court has ordered the FDA to release its documents on the Pfizer vaccine. The first batch of documents shows that there were over 1,200 vaccine deaths within the first 90 days…”
“British MP Renfield R. Renfield has taken over that radio station,” UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson pulled his messy uncombed unkempt hair as he walked by, “That radio station is now reporting the facts. We can’t have that. This isn’t an episode of the old radio program Dragnet with Jack Webb with its emphasis on “Just the facts, ma’am. Just the facts.” This is supposed to be news. Not facts. Not truth.”
Johnson was kicked in the butt by a small teddy bear who was dressed in the army uniform of an early 19th Century French general.
“Where did that bear come from?” Napoleon’s ghost wondered.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 2nd
2021.
This French countess isn’t planning to attend anyone’s coronation in this new Abomination of Desolation revamped Disney themed Notre Dame Cathedral.
Fire At Nantes
London private eye Agathor Christie (a former British Conservative MP) had been hired by the Kraken Napoleon VI the leader of the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party to determine if yesterday’s fire at the Cathedral of Saint-Pierre-et-Saint-Paul in Nantes was deliberately set.
“What are you doing hiring an English private eye to investigate this?” The Kraken’s wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) asked him, “Don’t you think that French police authorities will be able to get to the bottom of the matter?”.
The Kraken (who had spent the weekend binge watching Peter Sellers Inspector Clouseau Pink Panther movies) answered in the negative.
Christie (who was the great-nephew by marriage of the famous mystery writer Agatha Christie) spent some time researching the background of Nantes Cathedral.
Construction began on the cathedral in 1434 and took 457 years to complete finally being finished in 1891.
Christie found out from talking to Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal London dominatrix who was the lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) that her brother had attended the official dedication of the cathedral upon its completion in 1891.
When he returned to London from Paris, Sherlock had told Sherrielock that while in the cathedral he had run into his imaginary talking bear friend Doctor Clawson whom he had not seen in 21 years.
The last time Sherlock had seen Doctor Clawson was when the young Sherlock had lost his virginity at age 16 years in the Scottish Highlands valley of Glencoe.
Sherrielock thought her brother had once again been resorting to the seven per cent solution of cocaine.
As Agathor Christie helped himself to a bag of Mr. Christie Cookies (a popular Canadian brand of cookies), he decided to rent the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s dirigible airship and fly over to Nantes France that way rather than visiting an airport in these virus prone times.
. . .
Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had received a mysterious email telling him that the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone (a basilisk that he had genetically created) who had been slain in the Libyan desert and later cooked in Chef Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen in London had been raised from the dead by Set’s nephew Horus who used an ancient Egyptian spell to accomplish the feat.
. . .
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora was shocked when she heard the news that there had been a fire caused by possible arson at the Cathedral of Saint-Pierre-et-Saint-Paul in Nantes.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 19th
2020.
A Mermaid Rides A Fire Breathing Black Horse
A Mermaid Rides A Fire Breathing Black Horse
Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking down a Berlin street carrying out proper social distancing with members of the Berlin Police Force as they examined the dead bodies of several masked men.
Whitstable when he awaited the coroner’s report into each death suspected the same cause as had been happening in cities all over the world with masked men being found dead in the street.
The cause of death was suffocation from the mask and it was obvious from marks and various injuries on the bodies that each man had struggled to take off the mask which they were unable to do.
There were also reports from various eye witnesses looking out the windows of their houses or apartments or masked women walking the street that each masked man had been approached by a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse.
Other investigations revealed that before each man (who was usually single) walked out on the street wearing a mask, he had called a friend or relative saying that he had just had the most realistic dream- where an enchantingly beautiful young woman with copper reddish blonde hair had entered his bed and made love to him.
Whitstable gathered that the woman (who had appeared to the men in the realistic dream) was all human from the descriptions the soon to be dead from being suffocated wearing masked men had told their friends.
The mermaid riding the breathing fire through its nostrils black horse was likewise described as being enchantingly beautiful and having copper reddish blonde hair.
However in the case of the rider, it was the upper torso, arms and head which was female human while the bottom part was lower fish with tail.
Whitstable had received a report of a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse once last year.
In the Bay of Douarnenez just off Brittany’s western Atlantic coast, a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse was seen rising from the sea just before 18:20Â CEST on April 15th 2019.
What Whitstable found significant about the time was that was the exact same moment that fire broke out beneath the roof of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris just slightly over a year ago.
Talking to a professor of mythology and folklore at Oxford University this evening, Whitstable was able to obtain information that might be helpful.
The mermaid and the nocturnal succubus woman (who slept with the men in the realistic dream) were probably one and the same person- Princess Dahud the daughter of Gradlon the King of Kernev (a territory in southern Brittany) and a northern Queen and enchantress named Malgven.
Malgven just happened to have owned a black horse named Movarc’h who breathed fire through his nostrils as he galloped along.
Malgven died at sea shortly after giving birth to Dahud.
Gradlon had built his daughter Dahud a city by the sea called Ker-Is.
Gradlon made the city his new capital but became a recluse in it listening to the sermons of a holy monk who occasionally visited him- a holy monk who became known to history as Saint Guenole.
Dahud soon became the de facto ruler of the city of Ker-Is because of her father’s reclusiveness.
The city under Dahud became a centre of debauchery and perversion, iniquity and vice (the sort of city that would be loved by today’s media, cultural and entertainment elites).
Princess Dahud was the most depraved of all.
She ate and drank to excess all day (resembling a female movie star or female musician celebrity after a couple of years of stardom).
She also took a new lover every night (the sort of woman who’d be considered an ideal candidate as Joe Biden’s Democratic Party Vice-Presidential running mate).
In the morning, she’d give her now discarded male lover a mask (ostensibly to leave the castle unnoticed and to protect his identity in the daylight).
However the mask was an enchanted bewitched mask that suffocated the wearer and each morning another dead body was thrown into the sea.
According to different versions of the legend, the city of Ker-Is was destroyed either by divine judgement or machinations of the Devil (possibly both).
King Gradlon tried to escape the sinking city (engulfed by rising sea waters) along with his daughter Dahud by riding Morvac’h.
However the horse struggled through the pounding and raging sea waves.
A voice from Heaven told King Gradlon that the weight of Dahud’s numerous sins was weighing the horse down.
It was then that the Devil leapt out of the sea and grabbed Dahud turning her into a mermaid and one of his servants.
So while King Gradlon and Morvac’h made it to shore safely, his now fishy daughter Dahud and the city of Ker-Is went beneath the waves of the sea.
The Oxford mythologist and folklorist told Whitstable that while no one knew what happened to Morvac’h after King Gradlon’s death, the fire breathing black horse must have somehow wound up in the possession of Dahud (after all Morvac’h had originally belonged to Dahud’s mother the northern Queen and enchantress named Malgven).
So last year, Dahud in mermaid form had risen from the Bay of Douarnenez riding the fire breathing black horse Morvarc’h and Notre-Dame Cathedral had almost become totally engulfed in flames.
What about the city of Ker-Is itself?
The Oxford folklorist’s answer of an old Breton proverb chilled Whitstable to the bone, “When Ker-Is rises again, Paris will be consumed.”
Whitstable put in an emergency phone call to French President Emmanuel Macron.
-A vampire novel chapterÂ
written by Christopher
Sunday May 10th
2020.
Princess Dahud as she appears in full human form in today’s world.
215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral
215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral
It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.
Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.
The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.
He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.
But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.
Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.
And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.
So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.
He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.
He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.
The ceremony went off without a hitch.
Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.
Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”
. . .
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.
He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.
Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.
Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.
However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.
She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.
The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.
Justin wasn’t so lucky.
He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.
He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.
Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.
Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.
Big mistake on Trump’s part.
Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.
Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.
Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.
Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.
A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2ndÂ
2019.
Harvey Tallbanger and The Artist
The night was somewhat cool as if February had crept in to steal a backwards glance in the midst of a late April evening.
And Liam Van Stope carried his work with him as he walked from place to place.
For Liam Van Stope was an artist and the work he carried was a huge white sketchpad along with a box of pastel crayons.
There he would walk from cafe to cafe sketching and colouring the patrons and customers.
For Liam Van Stope wished that the Paris of Toulouse-Lautrec and Vincent Van Gogh would never go away.
Oblivious to the idea that the Paris of Van Gogh and Lautrec was separate from the Paris of 2019 by more than a century.
And soon the Paris of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway would likewise be separated from the contemporary Paris by a century.
And as far as the thinking of Emmanuel Macron and some of the world’s so-called leading architects goes, the Notre Dame of the ages would soon be separated by a new Notre Dame by vast millenia.
Liam Van Stope walked into Quasimodo’s Cafe an establishment named after Victor Hugo’s famous character who had carried a hunted gypsy girl across the threshold of the Notre Dame of the ages and cried “Sanctuary”.
Liam recognized Esmeralda the gypsy girl who like her namesake in Victor Hugo’s novel danced the eternal dance of the gypsies though unlike her namesake danced in this cafe on weekends and not on the streets in front of Notre Dame at night unintentionally arousing the lust of a Notre Dame archdeacon who would endeavour to bring Hell on earth instead of absolution when his lust went unrequited.
Liam ordered a cognac and looked around the cafe on this quiet Sunday evening wondering whom he could sketch.
When he first entered the cafe, he had noticed Esmeralda talking animatedly to the empty seat next to her.
Ah, Liam thought to himself, when he had seen this, that will soon be all of us one day. All of us talking to ghosts. Talking to ghosts of a Paris that will soon be found only in the history books.
Esmeralda noticed Liam sitting in the corner booth with his sketch pad open at a blank page and his sketching pencil in hand waiting to draw when the inspiration hit.
She motioned to the maitre’d and pointed in Liam’s direction.
Within minutes, the maitre’d arrived at Liam’s table with a drink in hand that looked to be partially made from orange juice.
‘Excuse me, sir,” the maitre’d said, “but Miss Esmeralda thinks you might like to drink this for inspiration.”
“What is it?” Liam asked.
“It’s called a Harvey Wallbanger, sir,” the British maitre’d working with stiff upper lip in a Parisienne cafe replied.
The maitre’d bowed and left.
Liam took a sip of the drink.
Then another.
And then another.
It was good, Liam had to admit.
The artist then noticed that sitting next to Esmeralda at the bar was a bunny rabbit.
A very tall bunny rabbit.
Probably about 6 foot 8 in height, Liam estimated.
The bunny rabbit was white in colour with big pink floppety ears and a big pink floppety tail.
He was wearing a pair of denim blue colour overalls as well as a tall black bowler hat that his big pink floppety ears were sticking through.
Liam began sketching and began applying the pastel crayons to his subject.
He had soon completed the picture.
“Excuse me, sir,” Liam walked up to the bunny rabbit, “but what is your name?”.
“Harvey Tallbanger,” the rabbit replied.
“A name that must be recorded for posterity,” Liam said as he wrote down the name.
The artist then bowed to Esmeralda and said, “Thank you for the drink.”
When he returned to his studio apartment, Liam had been doing some reflecting on his subject of Harvey Tallbanger.
There was something quixotic about that bunny rabbit, Liam thought to himself.
He went over to his palette and canvas.
He decided he would paint Harvey Wallbanger as Don Quixote.
Minus the knightly armour.
He would have Harvey wearing his denim blue coloured overalls and his bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears would stick through) but he’d be riding Don Quixote’s horse Rocinante and he’d have a lance in his hand and he’d be charging at the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret in the Montmartre district of Paris.
As he painted, Liam sang the theme song from the musical Man of La Mancha:
“To dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
…
To run where the brave dare not go
…
To reach the unreachable star…”
And with that, Liam Van Stope a dreamer painted his quixotic picture of the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger now visible in his blue denim coloured overalls and black bowler hat (through which his big pink floppety ears stuck through) as Don Quixote riding his horse and battling the windmill atop the Moulin Rouge cabaret.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 28th
2019.
Esmeralda the gypsy: Inspiring bunny rabbits like Harvey Tallbanger
and artists like Liam Van Stope.
Harvey Tallbanger In Paris
The 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger who was personal spy to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris to see how the Kraken Napoleon VI’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party was doing in preparation for next month’s European Parliament elections.
The French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party leader Napoleon VI (a Kraken) had formed an alliance with one of Set’s former employees the British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to run under a joint party banner for the elections.
Of course if Britain somehow managed to Brexit before the elections, Renfield’s party would be out of the running.
Most big shot bureaucrats in Brussels as well as French President Emmanuel Macron and Pope Francis were hoping Britain would manage to Brexit before the elections to prevent Renfield from getting into the European Parliament where he would no doubt use his influence to finish off the globalist New World Order European Union once and for all.
Militant Islamist terrorist groups and the Jesuit order were also upset by Renfield’s decision to sit as an atheist representative on the Committee For The Canonization of Charles Martel.
Of course Charles Martel had a snowball’s chance in Hell of being proclaimed a Saint by the Catholic Church as long as Francis was Pope but it was the principle of the matter that upset the militant Islamist terrorists and the Jesuits.
Harvey Tallbanger had spent the day touring Notre Dame Cathedral with the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa (who was now beautiful again after having her head shaved of snakes).
Security personnel did not try to stop Napoleon VI and Medusa from entering the burnt Cathedral because how does one stop a Kraken and a famed former Gorgon from Greek mythology doing something?
As for Harvey, since he was invisible, they were unable to stop him from entering.
“I see both the Cross and the Pieta statue of the Virgin Mary holding the Crucified Jesus at the High Altar were saved,” Harvey noted.
“Yes, a Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was quite ticked off they managed to survive,” Medusa noted, “he said as much in an interview with a French newspaper yesterday.”
Harvey nodded.
He was aware that Father Caiaphas was the one who had helped the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone to escape the Set Enterprises secure barn in England and had then ridden the basilisk to start the fire at Notre Dame by breathing venomous fire.
When they had finished the tour, Napoleon VI and Medusa returned to campaigning for the European Parliament and Harvey had retreated to a Paris cafe called Quasimodo’s.
The cafe had a gypsy dancer called Esmeralda appropriately enough.
When she had finished dancing, she went up to the bar to talk to the 6 foot 8 invisible bunny rabbit.
“You can see me?” Harvey was astonished, “Have you been drinking Harvey Wallbangers?”.
“No, being a gypsy, I have psychic abilities so I can see you,” Esmeralda answered.
“A psychic lobster in London called Michelangelo can also see me,” Harvey nodded.
Esmeralda and the bunny rabbit got around to discussing the fire at Notre Dame.
Harvey Tallbanger happened to mention that there was an animated short film called I Pet Goat 2 made back in 2012 that seemed to prophetically show the spire of Notre Dame Cathedral collapsing like happened this year.
“And the name of this animated short had Pet Goat in the title?” Esmeralda queried.
Harvey affirmed that it did.
“You know the character of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame had a pet goat,” Esmeralda pointed out.
“That’s right, she did,” Harvey recalled.
“Djali was its name,” Esmeralda mentioned.
Harvey ate his jelly donut with a side of goat’s cheese.
Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who had been sitting at a table in the corner of Quasimodo’s and drinking Harvey Wallbangers by the dozen suddenly looked in the direction of the French Roma Gypsy girl and the Welsh pooka bunny rabbit.
“A bunny rabbit?” Father Caiaphas seethed, “I hate bunny rabbits.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 27th
2019.
The gypsy Esmeralda
Renfield Discusses Day of Fires
Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”
“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.
“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.
“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”
“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”
“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.
. . .
The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”
“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.
“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”
. . .
Today’s date.
Holy Saturday.
The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.
April 20th.
Der Fuhrer’s birthday.
It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.
Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.
Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.
This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.
Kohler’s cigarette went out.
He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.
And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.
Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon
Roast Basilisk In Hell’s Kitchen
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing flying the winged horse Pegasus had won the showdown in the Libyan desert with the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone and his rider the dark arts practicing Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai this past Wednesday.
The ghost of Howard Cosell had been on the scene doing commentary for the underworld based Baphomet Broadcasting Network until he succumbed to spectral laryngitis.
Qonzilqointec had doused the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone with Odour of Weasel Perfume sending the genetically recreated satanic beast plunging to its death in the desert sands.
The evil Jesuit Father Caiaphas bar Yochai had survived the fall due to the combination of basilisk venom and extra strong Starbucks dark roasted coffee he had imbibed prior to combat.
The evil priest was not to get off scott free however for Dracul Van Helsing had used the Sword of Saint George to stab the Baphomet worshipping cleric in his phallus.
After Dwayne the Rock Johnson arrived on the scene to declare Qonzilqointec and Dracul the winners, the couple flew off to the Queen Cleopatra Hotel in Alexandria where they spent an evening of tantric sex together.
Star Wars Star Troopers had arrived from Set Enterprises in London to return the basilisk’s body to Britain.
Father Caiaphas bar Yochai managed to catch an Uber ride with an Islamic State terrorist to Paris, France.
There the now swordless Jesuit looked up the ancient Egyptian vampiress Isis since she had previous experience in creating wooden phalluses having created one for her husband Osiris since that was the one part of his 14 missing body parts (after he was dismembered by their brother Set) that she was unable to find.
The American Jesuit priest Father James J. Martin SJ held a Requiem Mass for Father Caiaphas’ fleshly phallus as he had rather fond memories of it.
The basilisk’s body was delivered to Chef Gordon Ramsay and some of his previous winners on the TV program Hell’s Kitchen.
The Rothschilds and some of their business associates were holding a buffet luncheon dinner this Good Friday in London and thought roast basilisk would be just the thing.
Chef Gordon Ramsay and his Hell’s Kitchen crew were brought in to prepare it.
“It tastes like chicken,” one of the Rothschild associates remarked.
“That’s because basilisk is part rooster as well as part serpent,” Chef Gordon Ramsay explained.
Meanwhile the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was worried whether his company would face a law suit as his company’s chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was responsible for creating this basilisk that caused the fire at Notre Dame this past Monday April 15th 2019 when the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone (driven by the evil Father Caiaphas bar Yochai) breathed venomous fire on repair scaffolding at the cathedral.
However no one on the Paris scene suspected a basilisk as basilisks really hadn’t been around for the past 500 years until Dr. Cadbury Rocher recreated one.
Meanwhile over in France, the ancient Greek god Zeus was having a meeting with French President Emmanuel Macron.
“Monsieur le Presidente,” Zeus spoke impeccable French as he had spent the greater part of the Age of Louis XIV deflowering the loveliest of the French courtesans before the Sun King had the chance to do so, “you may not know this but Notre Dame was built over the site of a Temple of Jupiter. Jupiter was of course the name under which the ancient Romans worshipped me. So I was wondering if you could place a replica of my altar at Pergamum at the top of the new Notre Dame where the old spire and Cross used to be before it collapsed in the towering inferno.”
President Macron, who was busy mentally calculating the age of Zeus’ wife Hera and figuring that she must still be a pretty good looking woman judging from her statues, replied, “Why don’t we discuss this over souvlaki and ouzo?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 19th
2019.
The Greek goddess Hera: Still an extremely good looking woman
Notre Dame Reflections
“Hold the Cross high so I may continue to see it through the flames.”
-Joan of Arc
France’s national leader Emmanuel Macron held a somewhat different opinion than that held by France’s national saint when it comes to dealing with situations regarding fire.
The globalist New World Order leader and noted admirer of cougars who was promising to rebuild Notre Dame within 5 years (just in time for the 2024 Summer Olympics that Mr. Macron naturally visualized himself presiding over) thought that the new Notre Dame should reflect multicultural diversity rather than Catholicism.
Fortunately for Mr. Macron, he was not alone in holding to such idiocy.
One of the editors of Rolling Stone magazine likewise postulated that a rebuilt Notre Dame should reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Catholic past.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster safely prophesied that the editor would not be calling on the Islamic mosques at Mecca and Medina to do the same thing- that the mosques should be rebuilt to reflect multiculturalism and multifaith diversity rather than the country’s Islamic past.
Said Renfield, “That is a safe prophecy to make. The rolling stoned editor knows that if he were to bloody well suggest that, he’d find himself being bodily dismembered by Saudi assassins who work part time as janitorial staff at Saudi embassies and consulates throughout the world.”
A professor of architecture at Harvard University had likewise suggested much the same thing- that Notre Dame should be a multicultural center rather than a symbol of Catholicism.
Noted Renfield, “Just last week I heard a commentator on the state of advanced education in the U.S. say that Harvard and Yale are no longer the institutions of culture and higher learning that they used to be. I guess that assessment is 100% correct.”
One reporter on the scene at Notre Dame commented, “The day after the night before at Notre Dame de Paris, the High Altar stands untouched with its gleaming Cross, along with the figure of the weeping Madonna holding her dead son Jesus in her arms. Meanwhile the modern altar installed after Vatican II lays buried under rubble from the collapsed roof.”
Pope Francis had already retreated to his room in the Vatican to put on sackcloth and ashes upon hearing what had happened to the modern altar.
Government surveyors from Emmanuel Macron’s office were already on the scene visualizing the rebuilding of the new Notre Dame- a statue of an Islamic State terrorist blowing himself up along with statues of tourists at a Parisienne sidewalk cafe being killed by the debris, a statue of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith Jr. rolling a marijuana joint with the angel Moroni and statues of L. Ron Hubbard eloping with Jack Parsons’ mistress while Aleister Crowley looks on approvingly.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 17th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
The 2019 Burning of Notre Dame In Paris: How It Was A Portent For Humanity’s Future
September 27, 2021 at 11:07 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Amadeus Emanon, Emmanuel Macron, Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris, Pope Francis, Renfield R. Renfield, Vatican, Virgin Mary)
Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Parish Church in West London, a former Vicar of St. Swithin’s By The Floodwaters near the Cotswolds town of Tewkesbury and one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.
Tonight he’d be delivering a sermon at the St. Genevieve’s Monday Night Evensong Prayer Service entitled The 2019 Burning of Notre Dame In Paris: How It Was A Portent For Humanity’s Future.
Concert pianist, musician and singer Amadeus Emanon (who was a member of the St. Genevieve’s Church Congregation) decided to attend.
So too did his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Renfield was currently in hot water with many of the ministries in the British government.
This past Friday evening Renfield and a couple of vampiress acquiantances of his (Ho Babylon Minh and Mei-ling Manchu) had pushed Neo-Vichy Paris policemen to their deaths from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Thus angering Paris police authorities.
Ho Babylon Minh at Renfield’s suggestion had recently taken Hunter Biden’s tiny testicles hostage pissing off the Biden White House.
Mei-ling Manchu at Renfield’s suggestion had recently taken Xi Jinping’s tiny testicles hostage pissing off the CCP Supreme Leadership in Beijing.
Of course those actions had finally led to a plea bargain between the U.S. Department of Justice and Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou leading to the release of the Two Michaels (Canadian citizens Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor) after spending over 1000 days in solitary confinement in Chinese prisons on trumped-up espionage charges in retaliation for Meng Wanzhou’s arrest at Vancouver International Airport.
Australia was also pissed off with Renfield since ASIO (the Australian Security Intelligence Organization) knew but had been unable to prove that Renfield was smuggling arms to Australian freedom fighters fighting the pro-NWO (New World Order) Police Forces in the Australian states of New South Wales, Victoria and South Australia.
The Italian government was pissed off at Renfield since Renfield in a speech to the Tewkesbury Italian Restaurateurs’ Association this past Saturday had called for the overthrow of the Italian government.
Renfield had also pissed off Pope Francis and the Vatican by claiming that Francis was a satanic antipope.
Renfield was also in hot water with the French government after having provided a French assailant with the Cockatrice egg that had crowned Emmanuel Macron on the head at a food trade fair in Lyon today.
Macron was hit with the Cockatrice egg as a choir of English song birds sang those Easter hymn lyrics, “And crown him, crown him, crown him, and crown him lord of all.”
“Un oeuf! Enough!” Macron cried after being hit by the egg.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds noted in his sermon:
“Who can forget the burning spire atop Notre Dame Cathedral as it fell?
The Gallic Rooster has been a symbol of France since early medieval times and the Gallic Rooster was atop that spire. Within that rooster were three relics: a relic of St. Denis, a relic of St. Genevieve and a thorn from Christ’s Crown of Thorns (found by Saint Helena the mother of the Roman Emperor Constantine). When the burning spire collapsed, it inverted itself so that it was pointed straight down like an arrow plunging into the Earth.
When it came down, it plunged straight into the wooden Novus Ordo Communion table destroying it.
The rooster survived battered but with the relics intact.
The Tridentine altar behind the Novus Ordo Communion table survived with its Pieta (statue of the Virgin Mary holding the crucified Christ’s body) and the medieval Cross behind it intact.
Nor is it lost on us that this disaster (of April 15th 2019) came on Monday of Holy Week the day after Palm Sunday.
The Gospel readings for that day relate to Christ cursing the fig tree because it refused to produce fruit much like the Novus Ordo Mass has since its inception.
In the parable of the fig tree we learn that Israel is cursed because it stopped producing fruit.
And now through the portents of Notre Dame, the Novus Ordo Church is cursed because of a lack of fruit.
Within 6 months of the burning of Notre Dame, the “abomination of desolation” (statues of Pachamama the fiery red dragon woman worshipped as the earth mother goddess by the Incas) stands in the “holy place” (besides the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica).
Within six months after that, a pandemic is declared.
From a virus called corona meaning “crown”.
And the unique feature of this virus is little spikes sticking out of it.
Spikes that resemble a thorn such as can be found in a crown of thorns.
Spikes that also resemble spikes that are driven through a crucified man’s hands and feet.
The CDC’s own statistics show that this virus does have a high recovery rate.
For those who experience the worst from this virus, blood fills the lungs and they die.
Much like what happens when one dies from being crucified.
Our materialistic world however has yet to put two and two together.”
-Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 27th
2021.
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