Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

April 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

The New York City billionaire hid behind a curtain in his Park Avenue apartment as he spoke to Pan Goatee.

Pan figured the man was possibly either quite shy or extremely ugly or maybe both.

As Pan heard a rustling behind the curtains that overlooked a grotesque face painted on a globe of the world that sat on a throne in front of the black curtain, a parrot in a cage on a nearby table squawked, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore! Squawk! Toto, I’ve got the feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Squawk!”.

A gun emerged from behind the curtain and was fired.

The parrot fell to the copy of The Wall Street Journal on the floor of his bird cage- quite dead.

“You’re right,” a voice behind the curtain said, “you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Pan was starting to feel a kinship with the billionaire behind the curtains after he watched this display.

“I understand,” the billionaire looked at a copy of Pan Goatee’s resume behind the curtain as he spoke, “that you have the ability to astral project
and that furthermore you have the ability to kill people with your astral body using either an astral machete or an astral semi-automatic.”

“That is correct,” Pan Goatee beamed from ear to ear on his furry, fuzzy unshaven face.

He was quite proud of his skills and abilities.

“And I understand,” the billionaire flipped over to the second page of the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr serial killer’s 666-page resume, “that you’re able to shape-shift into various human forms and appearances with your astral body?”.

“And other life forms as well,” Pan Goatee stuck out his chest proudly.

He was currently working on doing a lifelike impersonation of Kermit the Frog with his astral body.

“I want you,” the billionaire spoke, “to astral project to the so-called Holy Land and while there to kill multitudes of people. You’re to kill a whole bunch of Palestinians while looking like a Jewish settler and then to kill a whole bunch of Israeli Jews while looking like a fighter of the Fatah al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade. Will you do it?”.

Pan Goatee had in fact done such a very thing for free last autumn while in the area of Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

He had done it as a practical joke to keep himself amused.

“Sure,” Pan Goatee replied, “how much will you pay me?”.

“I’ll pay you $100,000 per person you kill,” the billionaire answered.

“All right,” Pan Goatee answered as he looked down at his fingernails and figured they could use a good manicure, “how many people do you want me to kill?”.

“As many as possible,” the billionaire answered, “whatever amount it takes to start an all-out war between Israel and the Palestinians.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 11th

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Pan Goatee In The Big Apple

April 8, 2014 at 7:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee In The Big Apple

U.S. government hired assassin and serial killer Pan Goatee was back from a few weeks’ vacation in the Caribbean.

He had gone there after being de-thawed in a DARPA research lab.

Pan Goatee had been frozen after he had been caught in a terrible Washington DC snow storm back in early February.

He had spent several weeks in a state of frozen animation in a DARPA research lab while DARPA scientists tried to figure out how to de-thaw him.

Finally DARPA brought in the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec who was able to de-thaw the genetically created half- man half-goat satyr by performing a ritual act of tantric sex with him.

One DARPA research scientist was so impressed by what he saw that he bought the patent for the tantric ritual sex act he saw being performed.

He resigned his position as a research scientist at DARPA and proclaimed himself a tantric sex guru.

He was currently in the process of negotiating a live TV interview with Oprah.

As for Pan Goatee- after being de-thawed, he went down to the Caribbean to get some warm tropical sun and get back a healthy looking sun tan that had faded away while he was in a state of frozen animation.

He spent some time smoking pot with Rastafarians.

He spent the rest of his time making out with the beautiful members of an all-girls’ reggae band.

When he returned to his Washington DC penthouse, there were several voice mail messages waiting for him as he didn’t bother checking his voice mail while he was soaking up the Caribbean sun, smoking pot and banging the luscious beauties that were the all-girls’ reggae band.

On his voice mail, there was a message waiting for him from a New York City billionaire.

The message said that the man had a job for him to do for which he would be paid an exorbitant fee.

Pan Goatee liked the sound of those two words “exorbitant fee” so agreed to fly to NYC to meet the man.

Now here he was in the Big Apple standing on the observation deck of the Empire State Building looking over the city that some long-dead mayor had once called “Little old New York”.

The Mossad agent who also stood on the observation deck and was watching Pan Goatee removed his mobile phone from his pocket and called the Controller of the Golem at Mossad headquarters in Jerusalem.

“The target is within range, sir,” the agent spoke.

“Unfortunately I’m unable to get the authorization of the cabinet to approve the assassination,” the Controller of the Golem sighed.

“That’s too bad,” the agent said.

“Too bad indeed,” the Controller of the Golem hung up the phone and looked outside the window of his office where he thought he could see UFO flying saucers flying over Jerusalem.

As Pan Goatee surveyed the night sky of the Big Apple, he thought he could see UFO flying saucers flying over the bright lights of the city.

A serpent beamed down from the biggest UFO on to the top of one of the gothic spires of the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John the Divine.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 8th

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Haiku About Hitler’s Ghost Having A Cocktail In NYC

September 16, 2013 at 7:33 pm (Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , )

Hitler’s ghost sips drink

first take Manhattan then you…

take Berlin then world

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The Pigeon Who Ate Manhattan

December 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

It was December the 21st
and people’s fears
were for the worst
as a giant pigeon
named Mountbatten
ate all of Manhattan.
Why weren’t we warned?
people cried
Before pigeon swallowed
and they died.
For you see my friend
at Manhattan’s end
it was the Mayan
who flunked math
having fallen asleep
in the bath
who designed that calendar
that once set the world aflur
but he missed the mark
by a hundred years
having drunk
a hundred beers
and December 21st 2112
came as a surprise
to New York’s jive and jell.

-written by Christopher
circa 1:35 PM Pacific Standard Time
Friday December 21st 2012.

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