If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It

June 18, 2021 at 10:43 pm (Commentary, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


“I’ll take that last slice of pizza if you don’t mind, Mr. Farrow.”

“Cut!” Orson Welles shouted, “That’s a take!”.

“I’ll say it is,” said the actress as she grabbed and ate the last slice of pizza.

The day’s production was over.

Welles took his hat and coat and went to a nearby lounge where he ordered a glass of red wine.

After a few sips, he fell asleep.

When he awoke, he was a ghost in a pub in London called The Ghosts’ Inn and he was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

Welles wasn’t sure whether he was a mortal man dreaming that he was a ghost or whether he was a ghost dreaming about his days as a mortal man.

It was like that myth he had once heard about the man who fell asleep and dreamed that he was a caterpillar and then when he woke up again, he wasn’t sure whether he was a man who dreamed he was a caterpillar or whether he’s a caterpillar who’s now dreaming that he’s a man.

“Such intense thoughts on the cusp of the summer solstice,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked over a gin and tonic.

“I wasn’t aware that I was thinking such thoughts aloud,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

“You were,” Renfield dug into his fish and chips with his knife and fork.

A butterfly flew in through the window of the pub.

“I wonder what the butterfly dreams,” Renfield mused aloud.

“Not sure,” Welles admitted, “But he’s got both man and caterpillar beat.”

“Of course there are some idiots,” Renfield pointed out, “let’s call them in Seinfeldian fashion Klaus Schwab, the World Economic Forum, Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau and Boris Johnson who probably figure that when it comes to butterflies, they can still Build Back Better.”

A British engineering student (who had spent the Covid lockdown studying Schwab’s book on The Fourth Industrial Revolution) was in another booth operating his robotic butterfly (that he called the Transbutterfly).

The Transbutterfly was trying to take nectar from the petal of an artificial flower.

The butterfly who had flown past Renfield and Welles flew out the door while the Transbutterfly flew into another customer’s pint of ale where it burst a gasket and disintegrated.

Dashwood Forrest the noted London art gallery dealer walked past Renfield and Welles carrying a godawful painting.

“What’s that hideous monstrosity?” Both Welles and Renfield asked at the same time.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to give this painting away,” Forrest admitted, “Bill Gates gave it to me on commission to sell. It’s a painting that he himself painted. He calls it Painting of A Build Back Better Sunset.”

“That’s a sunset?” Welles and Renfield both asked increduously at the same time.

Renfield put on his spectacles and Welles put on a ghostly spectral monocle.

Both man and ghost reacted with horror.

Renfield vomitted all over the painting while Welles spewed forth ghostly ectoplasm.

“I have to say that’s a very significant improvement,” Forrest declared after the vomit and ectoplasm now found their way on to Bill Gates’ Build Back Better Sunset.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 18th
2021.

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Scavenger Hunt On The Amalfi Coast

June 10, 2021 at 10:42 pm (Film, Folklore, History, Movies, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in an arm chair in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion and reflecting on a yacht trip he had made to Italy’s Amalfi Coast in 1953.

The Amalfi Coast is a stretch of coastline on the Tyrrhenian Sea located in the Gulf of Salerno in Southern Italy.

Welles recalled he wasn’t quite sure how he got to the Amalfi Coast.

The last thing he remembered was being on Spain’s Meditteranean coast and imbibing in several glasses of red wine.

The next thing Welles remembered was waking up on a yacht off the Amalfi Coast.

The yacht belonged to an Arab sheikh.

Welles got off the yacht not far from the town of Ravello.

He wandered around the town and ran into an acquaintance fellow actor Humphrey Bogart.

Bogart was in the town along with actresses Jennifer Jones and Gina Lollobrigida and actors Robert Morley, Peter Lorre and Bernard Lee.

They were shooting the 1953 adventure comedy film Beat The Devil.

Bogey teased Welles as they sat in a small outdoor cafe.

“Well, Orson, this film is obviously about beating you,” Bogey smiled, “You’re usually playing a villain in most of your films whether it’s a megalomaniacal newspaper publisher, an ex-Nazi on the verge of becoming a U.S. Supreme Court justice’s son-in-law, a post-war black marketeer on the streets of Vienna or a Renaissance Borgia prince. Your characters are usually human devils of some form or another. Thus as the film title suggests Beat The Devil is about beating you.”

Welles wasn’t about to take this insult lying down.

He answered, “I did play a heroic role in the 1947 film The Lady From Shanghai where my soon-to-be ex-wife played the villainess. Besides in many of your film roles in the 1930s, you often played gangster or mean tough guy roles.”

“Yes but later I played great heroic roles like Rick in Casablanca and Philip Marlowe in The Big Sleep so I was quite the heroic hero whereas you were usually the villainous villain,” Bogey laughed.

“Well, pick a game,” Welles challenged, “I bet I can beat you at it. And then we’ll see who’s the Devil.”

At that moment Gina Lollobrigida approached.

Bogey told her about Welles’ challenge.

The Italian actress suggested an old fashioned scavenger hunt.

Welles and Bogey agreed.

Gina said she would pick what was to be located and found.

She gave the same list to each actor.

Both Welles and Bogey set out on the scavenger hunt.

Welles had spent the entire morning searching.

And he had located what was to be located on Gina’s scavenger list.

Now it was early afternoon and Welles came to the final item on the list.

“What?!” Welles exclaimed, “Find the Greek goddess Hera sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach? How is that even possible?”.

Still Welles headed down to the beach.

Where he noticed a beautiful woman who looked like a goddess sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach.

“Excuse me,” Welles addressed the woman, “but you aren’t the Greek goddess Hera by any chance?”.

“I am, Mr. Welles,” the goddess answered, “I’m a big fan of yours so I came down from Mount Olympus to help you beat Bogey.”

Welles took Hera to the cafe where sat Gina and Bogey.

Bogey was looking dejected as he had been unable to find the goddess Hera sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach.

When Welles introduced the woman as Hera and swore on a King James Bible that he had found her sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach, Bogey objected, “I believe that you did find her sitting on a piece of driftwood on the beach but how do we know this woman is really Hera?”.

Hera then called on the gods Zeus and Hermes to appear.

When they did so appearing out of thin air, Bogey conceded defeat while Gina looked very surprised.

Angered by his scavenger hunt loss, Bogey went for a car ride where he got into an accident losing several of his teeth.

As a result while adjusting to the loss of his teeth, Bogey was unable to speak clearly and therefore actor Peter Sellers (who was not then well known at the time but had a talent for imitating voices) was hired to dub some of Bogey’s lines speaking like Bogey.

Some of the lines had to be re-dubbed because Sellers instead of speaking like Bogey spoke like Indian actor Hrundi V. Bakshi whom Sellers would later play in the 1968 movie The Party.

And thus that was how through the help of the Greek goddess Hera, Welles was able to beat Bogey at a scavenger hunt.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 10th
2021.

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Orson Welles On The Orient Express

May 25, 2021 at 10:38 pm (Espionage, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Movies, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles sat in a comfortable arm chair in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

He was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

He was reflecting on a dream he had as a young mortal man where he was contemplating directing a spy film set on the Orient Express.

Agatha Christie had published a Hercule Poirot novel called Murder On The Orient Express back in 1934.

The spy film set aboard the Orient Express that Welles was planning to make would have been done 20 years before Sean Connery’s 1963 James Bond film From Russia With Love part of which was set aboard the Orient Express.

However Welles’ idea for the film was rejected by film studio heads.

When Welles had the dream that became the basis for the proposed film, he dreamed he was back in the mid-1930s.

Soviet Stalinist agents had stolen the Spear of Longinus (the spear said to have pierced the side of Christ as recorded in the New Testament) from the Hofburg Palace Museum in Vienna, Austria.

They were now riding the Orient Express to Istanbul where they would then board a ship from Istanbul to Odessa.

And then from Odessa the Soviet Stalinist agents would head to Moscow and then to Stalin.

However Nazi spies were also on the trail of the Soviet agents as Hitler too desired to possess the Spear of Longinus for world conquest.

Britain and France had likewise sent their best agents to recapture the Spear of Longinus.

Welles played the British agent Sir Cyril Bellerophon.

He was to rendezvous with France’s top agent aboard the Orient Express.

All Welles’ Bellerophon knew was that the French agent’s initials were ML.

As Welles’ character of Sir Cyril Bellerophon sat in the empty dining car (as it was currently neither breakfast, lunch or dinnertime aboard the train), a beautiful woman entered the Orient Express dining car and approached him.

She walked up to Welles’ Bellerophon and said, “Bonjour Monsieur. Je suis Monique Labelle.”

Welles bowed and said, “Bonjour Mademoiselle. Je suis Sir Cyril Bellerophon.”

It had occurred to Welles that Monique LaBelle (whose intials were ML) was the French agent.

That turned out to be the case.

Welles thought it was a shame he woke up from the dream and had no idea how the whole scenario would end.

Still he had a chance to kiss Monique Labelle before he woke up.

And that Welles’ ghost reflected as he lit himself a spectral cigar was the important thing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 25th
2021

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The Third Man

December 15, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“So,” Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana Fay Lee, “I see someone has been hacking into the computers of the U.S. Treasury and Commerce departments. The SolarWinds Orion a computer network tool is being exploited by malicious actors. Various other government, technology and telecoms organizations all across the world have fallen victim to these malicious attacks since March of this year. Including Dominion Voting Machines. Although the mainstream Marxist media isn’t mentioning that since that might cast doubt on Joe Biden’s election. Some people think it was Russia responsible but it was most likely China.”

. . .

After a visit from his Masonic Lodge Grand Master, Kentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell recognized Joe Biden as U.S. President-elect and also urged people to take the mRNA vaccines for the Wuhan CCP virus.

Meanwhile in Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin also recognized Joe Biden as U.S. President-elect even as he co-ordinated plans with Turkey and Iran for an attack on Israel.

. . .


It was the street in Vienna
where Orson Welles had walked
As Harry Lime
The Third Man

The streets were deserted
Covid-19
The Wuhan CCP Virus
Had decreed it so

It had turned health experts
Into Gulag camp overlords
It had turned politicians
Into Hitlers and Stalins and Maos

The people were locked in their homes
Wearing masks and social distancing
Christmas was to be forgotten
Like Scrooge when evil noted

Dracul Van Helsing stood alone

Facing a street of descending street lamps
And a moon that towered
Over the darkening smoke of chimney

A chimney like Mount Doom
That blew the smoke of Sauron
As in the land of Mordor
Where the shadows lie

Van Helsing walked the cobblestone streets
A zither then played the score
of Anton Karas’ theme music
On the night the music died.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 15th
2020.

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Renfield Comes Across 1950s Sherrielock Shakespearian Erotic Film

November 11, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes: Good with an axe as well as a paddle and a whip

British MP Renfield R. Renfield decided to take a break from fighting George Soros, Bill and Melinda Gates, World Economic Forum Chairman Karl Schwab, Pope Francis and the ongoing Neo-Bolshevik Revolution in the United States.

He fired off an email to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson who had just recognized Joe Biden as President-elect of the United States.

Solely on the basis that the AP Associated Press had declared so this past Saturday November 7th and numerous mainstream Marxist media outlets had followed suit.

Renfield’s email asked Boris Johnson, “How does it feel to be an idiot?”.

He then read an email from a friend of his who had sent him a link to a YouTube video.

The video was of a 1950s erotic film that had apparently starred world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Sherrielock Holmes was the twin sister of world-famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

In the 1890s, she had become immortal after eating a particularly powerful Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom.

Not looking a day over 30 (even though she was in her 40s when she ate the mushroom), she had married French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who it was later dscovered was in fact the illegitimate son of Prof. James Moriarty who was her brother Sherlock’s mortal enemy).

She and Louis Rocher had several children.

Louis Rocher, who served in the RAF during World War I, was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed by a couple of Canadian pilots.

One of Sherrielock’s descendants was her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was Set Enterprises’ chief scientist.

Having both Holmes and Moriarty blood in his veins, Dr. Cadbury Rocher often alternated between good and evil during his distinguished career as a mad scientist.

The film was called Shakespearian Sherrielock and was shot in black and white as of course were many movies back in the 1950s.

The film began with this scene:

Sherrielock was busy examining an axe as the estate’s chief servant Hemlock the Dwarf stood on the house stairs looking at her.

Hemlock the Dwarf: Thou lookest like thou art about to choppeth off someone’s head.

Sherrielock: Aye, Hemlock, I am.

Hemlock the Dwarf: I hear the Lady Anne Boleyn, late Queen of England, lost her fair head on this May fair morning.

Sherrielock: Aye, that she did. Her blood now soaketh the pavement of the Tower of London where no fair flowers bloometh.

Hemlock: Who art thou thinking of beheading this morning?

(The dwarf did ask as he approached her)

Sherrielock (raising her axe above the dwarf): The one who gave the hemlock to my favourite horse Socrates.

Hemlock (terrified): Mistress, thou knowest? Let me explain. It was only because thou didst love that horse more than me.

But Hemlock had run out of explanations for his head became separated from his neck by the cutting edge of Sherrielock’s axe and it did roll on to the floor.

Sherrielock (ringing a bell): Maid, come cleaneth up this mess.

Later that night, Sherrielock sat on her bed and waited for Hans Falstaffson the Courier to show up.

Hans Falstaffson the Courier (played by actor Orson Welles) shows up.

Renfield, enjoying the movie so far as he ate his popcorn, said, “Wow, I never knew Welles ever appeared in a 1950s erotic soft porn film.”

“Hans, thou art late,” Sherrielock admonished him.

“My lady, I do apologize,” Hans Falstaffson bowed.

Sherrielock: For thy errant tardiness, I must spank thee on the bare bottom with this sturdy paddle.

Falstaffson (bowing): Very well, my lady.

(Orson as Hans Falstaffson takes off all his clothes)

“Oh God,” Renfield shields his eyes, “I’ll never be able to get that image out of my mind.”

Sherrielock sits on the bed and straightens and smooths the skirt of her dress as Welles’ Falstaffson approaches and lies across her lap waiting to receive his punishment.

Welles who had chosen to use the Stanislavski method in the making of this film would undergo the same gruelling paddling on his backside as that of his character Hans Falstaffson the Courier.

Thus Welles’ and Falstaffson’s screams merged and echoed as one as the character/actor’s buttocks turned as crimson red as a lobster flambe or the ripest of all tomatoes while Sherrielock vigourously administered the spanking.

100 of the best.

100 of the worst.

It was the best of times.

It was the worst of times.

When the spanking was over, Sherrielock held Welles/Falstaffson’s head against her most ample and delightful bosom and comforted him.

Sherrielock (gently stroking his hair): Art thou happy that I spanked thee?

Welles/Falstaffson (nodding): Aye, my lady. My bottom stingeth like the scorpion in the noonday sun.

And as everybody knows who was on YouTube today, the system crashed at 7:13 PM U.S. Eastern Standard Time Wednesday November 11th 2020.

“Shit,” Renfield exclaimed as the video konked out at this most dramatic moment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 11th
2020.

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It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!

October 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.

Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.

He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.

Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.

Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.

However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.

All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.

ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.

The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.

Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).

Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.

When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.

The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”

An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.

Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.

Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.

Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.

Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.

Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).

They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.

As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.

Yaldabaoth began to sing,

The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.


The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.

They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.

As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,

I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.

With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.

And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.

When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.

The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.

“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.

He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.

The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.

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Carson Cody Albion En Route To The Los Angeles Civic Grand Opera

October 7, 2020 at 11:00 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Short Story) (, , , , , )

The year was 1948.

And Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion had earned himself two tickets to the Los Angeles Civic Grand Opera.

The newly formed company would be mounting its first production – a performance of Verdi’s Rigoletto in a church hall in Beverly Hills.

The two tickets Albion had received were payment for a case in which Albion had tracked down a valuable stolen piece of furniture made by Hollywood furniture maker Francesco Pace.

Pace was the man who started the company and was its first director.

Albion accepted the tickets because he realized Pace was putting all his money into getting the opera company up and running.

It was fortunate for Pace that Albion was an opera lover.

Albion asked an up-and-coming young Hollywood actress Eva Roman if she would be his date for the evening.

Eva agreed.

They went for drinks before the opera at The Tropical Nights Lounge in Beverley Hills .

Actor Orson Welles came strolling through the door and strolled up to the couple.

“Carson, Eva,” Welles asked, “How are you doing?”.

“We’re off to see Verdi’s Rigoletto being performed by the new Los Angeles Civic Grand Opera Company,” Eva answered.

“Well,” Welles smiled, “Do beware of licentious Dukes of Mantua and hunch-backed court jesters when you’re attending the performance.”

“Will do,” Albion sipped his bourbon, “How about court jester’s daughters named Gilda?”.

Welles winced.

“I’m sorry, Orson,” Albion apologized, “I forgot Rita’s most popular performance was as Gilda.”

The Rita to whom Albion was referring was Rita Hayworth who was Orson’s ex-wife whom Welles had recently divorced.

Rita Hayworth had played Gilda in the 1946 film titled Gilda.

Gilda was also the name of the court jester’s daughter who gave up her life to save the Duke of Mantua (whom she loved) when she protected him from the assassin that her father Rigoletto had hired to kill him.

“It’s all right, Carson,” Welles took his usual glass of red wine from the Tropical Nights bartender, “I was an ass for spending more time in my thoughts and ideas for new movies than I was in giving my wife the attention she deserved. It was as my barber once said to me, genius can have its draw backs.”

Welles took his glass of wine and went and sat in a booth by himself.

“You know,” the bartender wiped the bar, “There but for the grace of God goes God.”

Albion did not smile or laugh.

It was a remark often said in Hollywood about Welles.

“The path of genius can be lonely at times,” Eva remarked.

“It can, indeed,” Albion looked over at Welles.

Albion looked at his watch as Eva put her stole over her shoulders.

The pair headed out to the performance of Rigoletto.

Welles continued to sit in the booth alone with his thoughts.

The bartender made a Shanghai Sling for a customer.

Welles watching could not help notice the irony of the drink being made.

“The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,” Welles thought.

He finished his wine, left his money on the table and left.

He walked past a movie theatre showing a poster of the film he and his ex-wife Rita had made together before their divorce The Lady From Shanghai.

The theatre ticket cashier looked at Welles as he walked by.

She thought to herself what others had thought, “There but for the grace of God goes God.”

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday October 7th 2020.

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If Orson Welles Had Lived His Life As A Black Cat…

September 3, 2020 at 10:28 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Film, Humour, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

If Orson Welles had lived his life as a black cat:

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Performed A Shakespearian Soliquy From MacBeth:

Is this a can of tuna fish I see before me?
Come let me clutch thee.
I have thee not and yet I see thee still
In form as palpable as this which now I draw…

Orson as the Black Cat produces a sketch of Vincent Van Gogh minus an ear.

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Done Citizen Kane:

Now is the winter of our discontent
For young master’s sled is gravely bent
And do you think when it hit the kitty litter
Which caused everyone’s nose to flitter
And caused me to say, aye there’s the rub
It would come up smelling like a rosebud?

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Recited Poe’s The Raven:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door,
“Tis the pizza delivery those silly humans have ordered,”
Quoth I, “only this and nothing more.”

How Orson As A Black Cat Would Have Recited His Lines In
Tennessee Williams’ Cat On A Hot Tin Roof:

Orson as Black Cat (playing the cat ON the hot tin roof):

Me-Owww! Me-Owww! Me-Owww!


If Orson Welles had lived his life as a black cat

-written by Christopher
Thursday September 3rd
2020

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Huchuysisa At Luxor

August 12, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa standing in front of one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor

The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa stood alongside one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor.

Approaching her was the ghost of Orson Welles who was walking with the ghost of a man who looked to be dressed in the garb of a classical Greek warrior.

Welles’ ghost was wearing spectral dark sunglasses and appeared to have lost weight the past week by a steady diet of spectral vegan plant based camelburgers.

“Look who I’ve found,” Welles’ ghost flashed a wide smile as he took off his spectral sunglasses.

“Who?” Huchuysisa asked.

“The ghost of Alexander the Great,” Welles introduced the ancient Greek king and conquerer, “Apparently the Greek god Zeus asked his brother Hades to release Alex from the realm of Hades back in January. Hades consented and Alex had gone on a Mediterranean cruise to see what the modern Mediterranean looked like. And wouldn’t you know it, this wretched CCP virus (which WHO has mandated everyone should call the Covid-19 virus so that’s why I’m not doing it) struck. Poor Alex’s ship was sailing aimlessly for months. It was finally allowed to dock in Alexandria after Alexander had to bribe a whole bunch of officials with a bunch of rare and valuable ancient Greek drachma coins that Charon the Styx river ferryman had neglected to remove from Alex’s mouth when he was crossing the Rivers Styx and Acheron after kicking the bucket centuries ago.”

“What is Alexander doing here at Luxor?” Huchuysisa asked.

“He’s come to see the Temple of Luxor where he had himself crowned Pharaoh of Egypt centuries ago,” Welles replied as he lit a spectral Cuban cigar.

“But some scholars claim he was never actually crowned Pharaoh of Egypt here,” Huchuysisa pointed out, “That he never got south of Memphis. That he was only crowned conceptually and not in person here. He got himself crowned conceptually at Luxor since being crowned Pharaoh at Luxor was the Egyptian Pharaohonic thing to do. And Alexander wanted to do it.”

“Is that true, Alex?” Welles’ ghost pulled a large spectral bottle of red wine out of his coat pocket.

“I don’t know,” Alexander’s ghost shrugged, “I can’t remember. I drank a little from the River Lethe (the river of forgetfulness in the Underworld). Not as much as my fellow spectral travellers who were with me did. I do remember much but there’s quite a bit I have forgotten.”

“I wonder,” Welles’ ghost poured himself a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “if Joe Biden ever stumbled and bumbled his way down to the River Lethe in the Underworld and mistaking it for the Pierian Spring, he drank deeply from it.”

The winged horse Pegasus flew by the vampiress and the ghostly duo.

Meanwhile down in his basement, Joe Biden mistaking his pot smoking cactus plant (which was a gift to him from some crazy Australian named Uncle Ernie who had taken way too many cuttings off his adopted nephew’s pet pot cactus plants) for his wife asked the plant, “Dear, who was it I named my Vice-Presidential running mate again? I’ve forgotten.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 12th
2020.

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Orson Welles Contemplates Movie Scene

April 12, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Biographical, Film, History, Movies, Radio, Short Story) (, , )

Orson Welles Contemplates A Movie Scene

The year was 1940 and Orson Welles was in the process of filming his classic film Citizen Kane.

It came to Welles’ attention one day that a popular radio show host was visiting the studio next door to where Welles was shooting.

Welles himself had been in radio as the voice of that mysterious figure The Shadow (whose alter ego was Lamont Cranston wealthy young man about town) from September 1937 to October 1938.

Welles had also been the host, star and narrator of CBS’ Mercury Theatre On The Air which ran for 22 episodes from July 11th to December 4th 1938.

The most notable episode was Welles’ October 30th 1938 adaptation and broadcast of H.G. Wells’ The War of The Worlds which came across like a regular news broadcast and sent a great deal of the American population into panic thinking they were actually being invaded by Martians.

The popular radio show host in the studio next door was the host of a program that Welles himself liked and enjoyed listening to.

Welles summoned the radio show host to talk to him as he wanted the man’s input into a movie he was considering making.

During the course of the conversation between Welles and the popular radio show host, Welles told the man, “I’m thinking of bringing an old story to life and setting it in modern times. Do you think it is proper for me to do that?”.

The host asked Welles what he was thinking of doing.

Welles mentioned that he’d have one set of characters wearing expensive jewel laced wrist watches as they were plotting.

And a couple of other characters would be wearing the robes of U.S. Supreme Court justices.

The radio host said that would be all right provided Welles didn’t change the nature, essence and personality of the character who was the central figure in the story.

Welles said he would not.

The popular radio show host gave his approval to Welles’ idea.

. . . 

Welles sat down with pen and paper in front of him and conceived of a scene for the movie he was contemplating making.

The woman he was thinking of for the central female role in the film was a young starlet he had recently met called Margarita Carmen Cansino of Hispanic heritage who had recently changed her name to Rita Hayworth.

Welles pictured Margarita sitting at a table in a lounge downing several cocktails and mourning the recent death of a friend.

A man tries to make a move on her and she quickly brushes him off.

Leaving the lounge, she calls a taxi and heads to the funeral home where her friend is.

She walks into the viewing parlour where his body was available for viewing.

“Egad, wrong parlour,” she sighs and heads to another.

She races around the funeral home trying to find the parlour.

In one viewing room, she encounters a man who speaks to her in a foreign language.

She brushes him off and goes to find the funeral home director.

She encounters a man standing in front of her.

“You must be one of the undertakers,” Rita’s character says to him, “I was wondering if you could tell me what viewing room Joshua Josephson is in.”

The man said to her one word, “Mary.”

She then recognized him.

She then understood the words the man speaking in the foreign language had said to her in one of the viewing rooms, “He is not here. He is risen.”

. . .

Post-Script: The popular radio host that Welles had met at the studio that day in 1940 was Father Fulton J. Sheen (who later became a bishop and later an archbishop) who had hosted NBC’s The Catholic Hour on radio since 1930 and would host it for another 10 years until 1950.

The people Welles would have as wearing expensive jewel laced wrist watches were the Pharisees.

The two men who would be dressed in robes of Supreme Court justices would be Pontius Pilate and Herod Antipas.

Sadly Welles never made the picture.

Fulton’s one bit of advice to Welles in setting the Gospel story in modern times was to make sure that Jesus’ character was still that of “God incarnate as man, born of a virgin, performed miracles, died to save humanity from their sins and rose again from the dead on the third day.”

The movie scene mentioned above was totally of my own creation and speculation.

I do not know whether Welles had intended his future wife Rita Hayworth to play Mary Magdalene or not.

Or whether the final scene would be set in a modern funeral home.

Or whether Mary Magdalene would be looking for the body of Joshua Josephson (which is how you’d say Yeshua bar Yosef or Jesus son of Joseph in contemporary English).

-written by Christopher 
Easter Sunday
April 12th 2020


Mary Magdalene (portrayed by Margarita Carmen Cansino aka Rita Hayworth) with the red roses she is planning to lay at the grave of a recently departed friend.

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