Canadian Election Night and The Osiris-Pachamama Alliance

October 22, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Canadian Election Night and The Osiris-Pachamama Alliance

It was election night in Canada and Canadian New Democratic Party leader Jagmeet Singh had just finished his election speech.

Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger watched the speech on the large screen at Canadian Federal Liberal Party headquarters where Justin Trudeau was expected to put in an appearance in another 20 minutes to half an hour.

Trudeau had won the election albeit with a minority government.

Next up to speak was Canadian Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer of Regina.

The leader of the Official Opposition.

As political convention dictated in Canada, Scheer as leader of the party having won the 2nd greatest number of seats in Parliament on Election Night would give his speech which would then be followed by Trudeau who won the greatest number of seats.

However 35 seconds into Scheer’s speech, the classless Justin Trudeau walked on stage and began his speech causing national television networks to immediately switch over from Scheer to the newly re-elected Prime Minister.

Never had such a protocol been broken before.

But it was typical of spoiled brat Justin Trudeau who seemed to have people outside Canada so totally mesmerized that even Barack Obama had endorsed the spoiled brat for Prime Minister.

Justin’s treatment of Scheer was so typical of all politicians from Quebec and their treatment of and total disdain for politicians who came from the Canadian prairie provinces.

Ever since the days of Justin’s pompous arrogant father Pierre Elliot Trudeau, it had been the attitude of all politicians from Quebec to treat the electorate and people of the Canadian prairie provinces with loathing and contempt.

Robbing the prairie provinces of their resource wealth so they could buy votes in their native province of Quebec.

Even Brian Mulroney who had been a Progressive Conservative and not a Liberal, being a politician from Quebec, he naturally treated the people of the Canadian prairie provinces with disdain.

In some ways Mulroney had been even a bigger asshole towards the people of the Canadian prairie provinces than Pierre Elliot Trudeau had been.

And now Justin was following in the footsteps of his father and all recent politicians from Quebec.

The following morning the Alberta independence website Westxit (which had 2000 likes by the time of Election Day) suddenly climbed overnight to 200,000 likes after Justin Trudeau had metaphorically shit over the people of the Canadian prairie provinces.

When Justin Trudeau had finished his speech, he walked off stage where he immediately had a cream pie thrown in his face by Harvey Tallbanger.

. . .

The Egyptian god Osiris was pleased by recent happenings at the Vatican and throughout Europe.

Osiris had in the past year formed an alliance with the Amazon rainforest and Andean Mountain indigenous earth mother goddess Pachamama.

Pachamama, unlike her earth mother goddess equivalents in the Ancient Greek and Egyptian pantheons, was an earth mother goddess who required blood sacrifices.

Most of the time, it was poor llamas and poor little guinea pigs who were sacrificed to Pachamama by her priests and priestesses.

Pachamama definitely wasn’t a member of GETA (Goddesses For The Ethical Treatment of Animals).

On occasion, she also required human sacrifice.

But that was no big deal, Osiris thought.

So did most liberal progressive Democratic governors of U.S. states.

And Osiris’ good friend Pope Francis had started off this month’s Pan-Amazonia Synod at the Vatican by having an Amazon female shaman lead an outdoor ritual in the Vatican gardens in which everybody bowed down to idols of Pachamama.

Afterwards the idols of Pachamama were then put in front of an altar in the Catholic Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina.

This past Sunday October 21st a group of Amazon Synod leaders led by the pro-Communist Brazilian Cardinal Claudio Hummes held a ceremony in the Catacombs of Domitilla in which they re-enacted the signing of the Pact of the Catacombs.

The Pact of the Catacombs was a ceremony held by pro-Marxist Cardinals, bishops and priests back on November 16th 1965 towards the end of the 2nd Vatican Council in which they pledged loyalty to the spirit of revolution.

Now that pact would be renewed and Pachamama (who lived beneath the earth as a dragon bathed in fire and who shapeshifted into a woman above the earth) would then be accepted as the spirit of the coming revolution.

The Pact of The Catacombs was renewed by the Amazon Synod leaders.

A day later, a group of traditional Catholics entered the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina, removed 5 Pachamama idols and then took them outside and cast them into the Tiber River.

Claudio Cardinal Hummes threw a hippy hissy fit in response.

But for now Osiris was happy.

He was sure that he would soon become the Pharaoh of Europe after a papally blessed inter-religious ceremony would be held on the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland this coming Halloween that would forever bind the United Kingdom of Great Britain to the coming United States of Europe (foreseen and talked about by Leon Trotsky back in 1935) of which he Osiris would be the Pharaoh.

After all it looked like Boris Johnson and that odious Renfield R. Renfield’s efforts to pull Britain out of the EU before Halloween night would be a failure.

Osiris smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 22nd
2019.

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Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

October 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

“Well, you certainly look as pleased as punch,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he walked through the door.

“I am,” Renfield helped himself to a glass of punch from the bowl of punch that Athelstan the butler had made.

“What brought this about?” Amadeus asked.

“Boris Johnson has adopted my plan that only Northern Ireland should be subject to the backstop rather than the entire United Kingdom,” Renfield grinned.

“And how exactly will that work?” Amadeus asked.

“Northern Ireland will stay in the European single market for goods,” Renfield replied, “and of course Johnson did add some touches of his own like the Stormont Assembly for Northern Ireland voting to adopt the arrangements first and then voting every four years on keeping them. But Northern Ireland would exit the customs union along with the rest of the UK under Johnson’s adaptations of my original plan. But the rest of the UK leaving the entire 
single market is my basic idea.”

“I see Jeremy Corbyn has said the plan is even worse than Theresa May’s plan for Brexit,” Amadeus noted.

“And it’s for that reason that I’ve officially nominated Jeremy Corbyn for the Jackass of The Year Award,” Renfield helped himself to a second glass of punch.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are against it as well,” Amadeus added.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are so full of shit that if you gave them all an enema before they died, you could bury them all in the same cigar box,” was Renfield’s final commentary for the night.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again sleeping on the border that divided Northern Ireland from the south.

He was awakened by the sound of voices talking.

Yaldabaoth looked and noted a golden cobra walking alongside a green skinned man dressed as an Egyptian Pharaoh.

The leprechaun recognized the golden cobra as Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland at Tara on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2018.

He recognized the green skinned man dressed like an Egyptian Pharaoh as the god Osiris from pictures he had seen of the deity from an Egyptology course that the leprechaun had taken at Trinity College in Dublin many years ago.

“So,” Osiris boasted, “friends of mine have arranged for the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this coming Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland UK border to forever enslave all of Britain to the European Union of which I shall someday become Pharaoh.”

“So if I help you become Pharaoh of Europe,” Maitreya spoke, “I shall remain High King of Ireland once the Republic and the North join together as one.”

“That is correct,” Osiris nodded.

“What about this British MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Maitreya asked, “Won’t he put a damper in your plans?”.

“I shall have to find away to deal with this man who used to be Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for my brother Set,” Osiris seethed.

A text message went off on the green deity’s smart phone.

Osiris looked at it, “It’s from George Soros.”

“Is he afraid that Donald Trump has found out that the Democratic National Committee server was in fact based in Ukraine and that’s how it was so easy for the Russians to hack it?” Maitreya inquired.

“We shall see,” Osiris took the call.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 2nd
2019.

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Welsh Vampiress Morgana and The Killer Locust

July 17, 2019 at 10:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Welsh Vampiress Morgana and The Killer Locust

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was being followed by a spy for the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.

She was walking through Collingwood Hills Park not far from the estate of the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

The spy (which was a giant locust) had been created by the Jesuit priest and scientist Father Caiaphas Bar Yochai who did contract research work and experimentation for Osiris.

Father Caiaphas would have been best known (if people knew he did it) for having stolen a flying basilisk (a creature part rooster and part serpent who usually did not have the ability to fly) that had been genetically created by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, and the Jesuit had used the flying basilisk with its venomous fiery breath to set fire to Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris this past April 15th.

Osiris knew that the Welsh vampiress Morgana was the parliamentary colleague and fellow British Transhumanist MP of Renfield R. Renfield a former Set Enterprises employee who still worked closely with his former boss the Vampire Set (who was Osiris’ arch enemy).

The Egyptian deity (who resided in Rome not far from the Vatican) thought that spying on Renfield’s parliamentary colleague might prove informative and advantageous.

Father Caiaphas’ spy locust made a lot of noise as it followed
Morgana through the forest.

Morgana quickly turned around.

Fortunately for Morgana, she had received a text message that morning from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (who had typed it on his waterproof iPhone with his lobster claws in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory).

Michelangelo advised her to put some extra strength Raid House and Garden Bug Killer on her spiked stilettos as this might come in handy at some point in the day.

Morgana had followed Michelangelo’s advice and put some on the points of her spiked stilettos.

As soon as Morgana saw the locust spy, she kicked it with one of her insecticidal laced spiked stilettos on one of her high heeled shoes.

The huge locust immediately fell over dead.

“How did you do that?” Asked an astonished bystander.

“It’s like that old TV commercial used to say,” Morgana smiled at him, “It’s Raid. Guaranteed to kill bugs dead.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 17th
2019.

Author’s note: The above is apparently my 2000th blog post that I’ve posted on WordPress.

Wow, 2000 blog posts already.

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Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem

January 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849

‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria

They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal

So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.

Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.

As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.

Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.

Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.

And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever

His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.

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The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

May 5, 2018 at 11:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

Pope Francis felt very regretful over the fact that he hadn’t been allowed to canonize Karl Marx today May 5th 2018 (Marx’s 200th birthday) as a birthday present to the philosopher who gave birth to atheistic Marxism.

He had felt so badly about it that he had wired some money to London gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia asking her to place some flowers 💐 on Marx’s grave accompanied by a written note of papal apology for not being able to canonize him and admit him to the Catholic Communion of Saints.

The Modernist Jesuit Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (stage name: Pope Francis) then thought about a statement he had made yesterday (Friday May 4th 2018) to a papal audience at which nuns, monks and priests were present.

The pontiff had told those who were consecrated to the religious life that “The Holy Spirit is a disaster because He never tires of being creative.”

Reflecting on this remark, the heretically inclined pontiff then hopped and skipped through the halls of the Vatican totally oblivious to a statement Christ had made 2000 years ago on this subject.

Christ had said that anyone who blasphemes the Son of Man, it could be forgiven him.

However he who commits blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, it would not be forgiven him.

This would no doubt just be the latest in an ongoing series of statements that Francis has been making since he was elected Pope in 2013.

Statements that had caused many Protestants and even many Catholics to seriously wonder if Pope Francis wasn’t the False Prophet prophesied in the Book of Revelation (called The Apocalypse in Catholic Bibles) Chapter 13 verse 11.

Of course both the world and the media loved Pope Francis (but hadn’t Christ warned, “Woe unto you, when all men speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” – Luke 6:26 KJV).

Then Francis remembered the phone conversation he had last night with the Egyptian Vampiress Isis and French President Emmanuel Macron.

The pair had called from Paris although the Macron who was present with Isis was in fact a holographic image (created by France’s top scientists) as the real President Macron was busy visiting the South Pacific French island of New Caledonia after a trip to Australia 🇦🇺 in which he had called the Australian Prime Minister’s wife Lucinda Turnbull delicious (causing British MP Renfield R. Renfield to quip that Macron was probably tired of eating the same old cougar pussy night after night and wanted to vary it up a little).

And speaking of Renfield R. Renfield, he was currently trying to breach the wall of the Vatican gardens on a mission for his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set had heard that the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was currently located somewhere in the Vatican and he thought it might be advantageous to have his chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher clone Hecate.

A genetic clone of Hecate might serve as a powerful ally for Set in his ongoing millennia long war against his brother and brother-in-law Osiris.

Renfield found himself down off the Vatican wall and on to the ground a little quicker than he would have liked.

“That’s gotta hurt as George Costanza from Seinfeld would say,” Renfield quipped as his testicles took a licking and kept on ticking.

Renfield looked around and was surprised to see that the Vatican gardens still looked like autumn rather than spring whose season it now was.

He was even more surprised by the vision of the beautiful woman who now approached him:

https://pin.it/ke2lygz63h7u24

“Who are you?” Renfield asked somewhat taken aback by the heavenly apparition.

“I am Allatallahbel,” she gave him a warm enticing smile, “the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.”

“You’re one vampiress I’ve never heard of,” Renfield had to admit as his phallus came to life despite the soreness of his testicles.

“I’m not surprised,” she smiled seductively.

“So,” Renfield looked around, “do you know why the Vatican gardens still look like autumn when spring is in the air elsewhere in Rome?”.

“The Vatican gardens will soon be subject to the coming of an eternal winter,” the sensual Vampiress Priestess of Baal laughed a sinister film noir femme fatale laugh.

Renfield despite the passion and heat he was feeling at the moment was simultaneously starting to feel cold chills.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 5th
2018.

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Holy Saturday In Rome and The Blue Paschal Moon

March 31, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Holy Saturday In Rome and The Blue Paschal Moon

It was the evening of Holy Saturday in Rome- the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

As a great spotlight shone on the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica, speakers 🔊 in Saint Peter’s Square played the John Lennon song Imagine… “no Hell below us, above us only sky…”

And in the square, the Egyptian vampiress Isis wearing a red evening dress approached her husband, brother and lover Osiris who was standing next to the obelisk in Saint Peter’s Square.

He was dressed in white robes with gold sequins around his neck and on the white sleeves of his arms.

Isis smiled as she approached him, “The board of directors of Palmyra Analytica have informed me that Dr. Cadbury Rocher has successfully built the 3-D printer that will re-build the Temple of Solomon.”

“Excellent, now all we have to do is get the Israelis to agree to our terms,” Osiris beamed as bright as the Blue Paschal Moon in the sky.

The square speakers started playing the song Blue Moon as sang by Billie Holliday.

“What about the Palestinians?” the vampiress Isis asked.

“That’s going to be a little more difficult,” Osiris acknowledged.

The speakers suddenly interrupted with a news bulletin saying that the Ancient Greek winged horse Pegasus had landed on the Temple Mount.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 31st
2018.

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3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

March 28, 2018 at 10:35 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting alone in his parliamentary office.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill wasn’t present because he was being forced to attend a ghostly cocktail party in Purgatory at which the ghost of Lady Astor would be present.

“Like Hamlet’s father’s ghost in Shakespeare’s famous Danish play,” Churchill roared in a paraphrase of Hamlet’s spectral paternal parent, “it is at parties like these where the bad things I did in my days of nature are thoroughly punished.”

“Well, it could be worse,” the atheist Renfield, with no belief in Purgatory, remarked sympathetically, “you could be in Tartarus where Hitler’s ghost is.”

Renfield was unaware that Hades the god of the Underworld had temporarily released Hitler’s spirit from Tartarus at the request of the Norse/Germanic god Odin/Wotan (Churchill’s ghost was likewise unaware of Hitler’s reprieve at the hands of Persephone’s husband).

Hitler’s spirit had entered the body of a grey wolf 🐺 and was currently hanging out with the anti-Semitic ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as paying the occasional visit to Vladimir Putin although Putin was unaware that the grey wolf was possessed by Hitler’s ghost.

Speaking of Hitler and Putin, Renfield was quite pleased with himself because earlier today he had hacked into Russia’s state run television network and put in an image of Vladimir Putin with Hitler’s moustache and haircut that appeared on the TV screen whenever the network ran a news story where the Russian leader was mentioned.

Putin was absolutely livid and furious when he found out and gave the order to all of 🇷🇺 Russia’s intelligence services to find the one responsible and bump that person off with the Novichok nerve agent (at the same time as Putin issued the directive, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was giving a press conference in which he emphatically denied that Russia 🇷🇺 was in current possession of the nerve agent).

Renfield had tossed a few bread crumbs to the Russian intelligence services in his speech in the Commons today by continuously referring to Putin as “the Slavic Hitler” in his speech but so far the Russian agencies did not have an intellectual equivalent of Britain’s Sherlock Holmes to pick up on the Renfieldian hints.

Neither for that matter did America’s intelligence services since Donald Trump did not tweet about the subject.

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was currently examining an MI-5 and MI-6 report on a British company called Palmyra Analytica.

The reason Renfield read the report as soon as he heard about it was because his creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises was currently doing freelance consulting work for Palmyra Analytica.

Dr. Rocher was building a 3-D printer for Palmyra Analytica.

The 3-D printer when completed would be capable of producing an exact copy (down to the smallest and most exact detail) of the original Temple of Solomon built by Solomon himself.

Renfield was horrified to discover when reading the report that Palmyra Analytica was in fact owned by a front company that was owned by his former boss Set’s arch enemies the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis and the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.

“Why,” Renfield wondered to himself, “do Isis and Osiris want to rebuild Solomon’s original Temple?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 28th
2018.

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Osiris Views Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene

December 23, 2017 at 9:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Osiris Views Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene

The Egyptian vampire Osiris had been invited by the Rome based spiritist medium Cassandra Sibylline to view the Vatican Christmas Tree and Nativity scene.

Osiris was worried that as a vampire, he might suffer intense pain viewing Christian symbols on the tree 🌲 and in the Nativity scene.

Osiris need not have worried.

For the decorations on the Vatican Christmas tree in Saint Peter’s Square this year were devoid of Christian religious symbols.

There were peace signs and yin/yang symbols but no angels, no depictions of the Magi and no images of Mary, Joseph or the Christ Child.

As for the Vatican Nativity scene, it did have Joseph, Mary, the Magi and the shepherds. It also had a naked man (who Cassandra Sibylline said looked “like the poster boy for the local Tony Curtis Spartacus Gym and Health Spa”) lying on the straw.

An ad for the Vatican Nativity scene was in fact rejected by Facebook saying “Your ad can’t include images that are sexually suggestive or provocative.”

Commented Osiris to Cassandra Sibylline, “I like this year’s Vatican Christmas tree and Nativity scene. It makes a vampire feel right at home.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 23rd
2017.

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Osiris Meets Yemaya In Rome

September 12, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Egyptian vampire Osiris was walking the streets of Rome where he lived.

His wife and sister Isis still lived in Paris.

A family reunion between the pair from a few years back didn’t go so well as planned so the two were now living separately.

As for his evil brother and brother-in-law Set, he was a multi-billionaire and living in London.

And one of Set’s former employees Renfield R. Renfield was now being touted as the next Prime Minister of Great Britain- which really didn’t bode well for the state of the world.

Osiris had received a call from Pope Francis this morning (while Osiris was asleep in his sarcophagus) asking if he’d call a press conference and condemn Donald Trump for not believing in climate change.

The Egyptian deity said he’d get back to Francis on that.

But now it was evening. The sun was down and Osiris was free to walk the streets.

As Osiris walked down the street, a peacock strutted by.

“Wow, peacocks really are proud,” Osiris said to himself.

Then a vulture flew by.

“Wow, that’s not a very promising sign,” Osiris thought, “rather ominous in fact.”

He stopped in front of a fountain filled with algae and all sorts of flowers and plants around the fountain.

The fountain sprayed Osiris and Osiris felt the taste of salt water rather than fresh water which was unusual for a fountain in Rome.

Then a face arose from the waters.
Yemaya

“Who are you?” Osiris asked.

“I am Yemaya the goddess of the seas and oceans,” replied the figure.

Osiris had recalled reading somewhere that an orisha (divine spirit) was the goddess of the ocean and seas in the Afro-Caribbean Yoruba religion as well as Haitian vodou, Louisiana voodoo and Santeria.

“What do you want with me?” Osiris asked.

“You should know, Osiris, husband of Isis the Egyptian goddess and divine queen of the seas, that krakens are rising everywhere,” Yemaya stated, “arising in both fresh and salt water.”

From Yemaya’s tone of voice, Osiris gathered that krakens arising was obviously a major problem to be concerned about.

Meanwhile on Mount Olympus, Zeus was muttering in his sleep, “Release the Kraken. Release the Kraken.”

Athena said to Hermes, “He is speaking in the singular and not the plural, isn’t he?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 12th
2017.

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Renfield In Egypt and Then Germany

April 29, 2017 at 2:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

After the papal speech at al-Azhar University in Cairo, Pope Francis and the Egyptian vampire Osiris met behind closed doors with Islamic leaders from across the Muslim world.

A phone call from the conference room was put in to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Chief Rabbis of Israel.

Renfield R. Renfield who had bugged the room made notes.

“That’s very interesting,” Renfield thought to himself.

He left the notes on the table in his Cairo hotel room and put in a call to his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set letting him know the developments.

“What,” Set seethed, “that bastard Osiris! Why does everyone want to make deals with him and not me?”.

“The world has bad taste, boss,” Renfield replied as he flicked through the Cairo hotel TV guide and noticed the reality TV shows Survivor and also Big Brother Canada were available on the hotel’s TV programming.

“What the world needs is a statue of Set in the proposed ecumenical Interfaith Temple in Jerusalem,” Set started pulling his hair out with his razor sharp fingernails in a dramatic barber like scene that hadn’t been seen since the days Johnny Depp played Edward Scissorhands.

Meanwhile over in North Korea, Kim Jong-un was busy sobbing on to his teddy bear (that had the face of Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Hannibal Lecter on it), “That woman in my dream told me that if I painted an image of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull on my ballistic missiles, they’d launch successfully.”

The beautiful Korean woman in the white gown (from his dream) appeared behind him in reality and kicked him in the ass and told him, “I also told you to write the Latin words IN HOC SIGNO VINCES above the image, you idiot.”

Renfield decided to stop off in Germany on his way home from Cairo.

He had received a message from his new found ally the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

There was important business that Renfield had to attend to in Bavaria.

In a quiet Bavarian village, Herr Dummkopf Drecksack was a driving test administrator.

He was the motherfucking asshole of all driving test administrators.

He had just given a hard time to a personal friend of Dracul Van Helsing and Renfield R. Renfield.

Flunking her for making one mistake.

Renfield followed the pink velvet pants wearing Herr Dummkopf Drecksack as he walked down the street.

He followed him to a post office where the man picked up a dozen packages of viagra and a dozen packages of cialis.

He then put them in his brown coloured VW bug and drove home.

Inside his house, he lit a candle in front of the giant photo of Adolf Hitler above his black altar.

“Like Adolf, do you?” Renfield said behind him.

“What the?-” Herr Dummkopf Drecksack turned around.

That evening, Berlin’s national TV news channel reported, “The driving test administrator was found hanging from his rusty brown VW bug in the middle of the town square with his pants and underpants pulled down and a dozen packages of viagra hanging from his right arm and a dozen packages of cialis hanging from his left arm…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 29th
2017.

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