Xi In Kazakhstan

September 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.

Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.

Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).

(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).

Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.

Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”

And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.

And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.

Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.

“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.

An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.

A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.

Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.

Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).

The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.

An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).

“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.

Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.

After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.

As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.

There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).

Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.

Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.

Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.

When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.

As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.

The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.

It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.

Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:

“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”

Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.

In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.

“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.

Amadeus asked.

And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.

Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.

Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.

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