Pan Goatee and The Hara Kiri Lesson

November 12, 2013 at 8:34 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and the Hara Kiri Lesson

 

 

 

Pan Goatee and CIA Agent Bob Belfor were ordered by their superiors in Washington to see if they could psychologically coerce one of their Pakistani Taliban prisoners to commit suicide.

 

 

Hara Kiri was the method Bob Belfor suggested after he had spent a night masturbating over Japanese made samurai films.

 

 

Belfor had a thing for men dressed in Japanese armour.

 

 

Pan Goatee in checking the backgrounds of the Taliban  prisoners  noticed that one of the men was a Canadian citizen born and raised in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan.

 

 

He left Saskatchewan at the age of 21 to join the Taliban after he had noticed an employment opportunity ad placed by them in the Regina Leader Post newspaper.

 

 

Pan Goatee placed the man in a cell which had both a large projection screen and also a mat on which was placed a Hara Kiri knife.

 

 

Pan Goatee closed the door and then ordered the projectionist to start running a series of videos that Pan had ordered.

 

 

The videos showed the last few minutes of every football game that the Saskatchewan Roughriders CFL Football Team had lost in their entire history.

 

Pan Goatee deduced that even though the man was Muslim because he was born and raised in the province of Saskatchewan, he would probably have the same fanatical devotion and love for the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Team (equal in intensity and zeal to that of any fanatical Islamist zealot) as any other person born and raised in the province of Saskatchewan.

 

 

Saskatchewan’s devotion and worship of their CFL Football team was so fanatically intense that every other Canadian in other provinces referred to Saskatchewan by the nickname Rider Nation.

 

 

At first Bob Belfor doubted Pan Goatee’s reasoning.

 

 

But they soon heard wild penetrating screams coming from the man’s cell.

 

 

“Good God!” Belfor exclaimed, “The man must surely be disemboweling himself.”

 

 

 

They ran into the room only to see the man not disemboweling himself but screaming over the fact that Saskatchewan had lost the CFL Western Conference Championship to the Calgary Stampeders in the last few seconds of the game due to the fact Saskatchewan was penalized in a last minute penalty for stupidly having too many men on the field.

 

 

They closed the door.

 

 

They listened.

 

 

There was a strange rattling sound.

 

 

What was that rattling?

 

 

They opened the door.

 

 

It was the sound of the man’s death rattle.

 

He had finally picked up the Hara Kiri knife and disemboweled himself.

 

 

“He was a lot quieter over his disemboweling than he was over the fact that the Roughriders had lost that game,” Belfor stated.

 

 

“Just goes to show I’m right,” Pan Goatee grinned,  “you can take the terrorist out of Saskatchewan but you can’t take Saskatchewan out of the terrorist.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

 written by Christopher

 Tuesday November 12th

  2013

 
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Pan Goatee’s Torture Test

November 7, 2013 at 8:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Torture Test

 

 

 

Serial killer and hired U. S. government assassin Pan Goatee was asked by high-ranking officials at the NSA to astral project to Pakistan to interrogate a Taliban official  Shaheen Fazlullah  who had been captured by CIA officials in Pakistan.

 

Pan Goatee’s past experience had actually been quick decapitations and quick bodily dismemberments.

 

He had never really done a slow torturous death before.

 

 

But he was given a book to read called How To Apply A Slow Torturous Death written by one Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

 

 

 

In addition he also watched a video where Rob Ford the Mayor of the City of Toronto, Ontario, Canada threatened to kill someone before poking out his eyes and ripping out their throat first.

 

 

 

With these delightful lessons behind him, Pan Goatee astral projected to Pakistan.

 

 

 

 

                       .          .            .

 

 

 

 

 

Pan Goatee was greeted by the CIA agent in charge of the operation Bob Belfor.

 

 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Belfor,”  Pan Goatee shook his hand, “what did you do for the Agency before capturing Taliban scumbags?”.

 

 

“I worked in property restoration,”  Bob Belfor answered, “if a home or business suffered a flood or fire or some other form of disaster or calamity, me and the boys went in and fixed everything up.  Quite literally fixed everything up.  We put in listening devices in that particular home or business.”

 

 

 

“Sounds great,” Pan Goatee smiled.

 

 

“Here ‘s the prisoner,”  Bob Belfor introduced him to the man in chains.

 

 

“So you’re Shaheen Fazlullah,”  Pan Goatee smiled,  “anyone ever tell you that’s kind of a stupid sounding name?”.

 

 

 

“Drop dead, pig,” Shaheen tried to spit in Pan’s face but the satyr assassin ducked.

 

 

 

“You know speaking of pigs,”  Pan Goatee smiled,  “I’ve got some boiling hot pig fat to rub all over your body.”

 

 

As Bob Belfor took a spoon and rubbed boiling hot pig fat all over Shaheen’s body , Pan Goatee asked, “Didn’t your Prophet, curses and damnation be upon him, forbid contact with pork?”.

 

 

 

Pan Goatee took a steaming hot slice of pork and wrapped it around the man’s genitals.  He followed this by wrapping pita bread around the slice of pork and the man’s genitals and then taking a knife and cutting it off.

 

 

He then ate it- slice of pork, separated genitals, pita bread and all.

 

 

“What a delicious donair,”  Pan Goatee belched.

 

 

 

 Bob Belfor laughed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Thursday November 7th

   2013

 

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