A Midsummer Night’s Nightmare: Pan Goatee Sees Uglos, Uglos and More Uglos

June 22, 2022 at 9:29 pm (Aesthetics) ()

“Was the name of this restaurant in your photo here… the Orient Crow or the Orient Crown?” Pan Goatee’s accountant asked Pan Goatee.

“I can’t remember,” Pan Goatee answered his accountant just before beheading him.

The satyr was expecting a bigger tax refund this year but his accountant had screwed up.

Goatee left the coffee shop which was playing the latest podcast from British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield finished his podcast with these words, “I renounce Congresswoman Liz Cheney as Christ’s enemy and Antichrist.”

Goatee thought if he ever went down to Washington DC, Liz Cheney’s head would be quite literally rolling down the aisles of Congress.

The satyr approached a strip mall he had never been to before.

He walked down the sidewalk when a fat ugly blimp walked out of one of the establishments and stood on the sidewalk shooting her big fat ugly old mouth off about something or other.

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

He noticed the establishment she had walked out of was a laundromat.

“If you had had any brains,” Goatee remarked, “You’d have put your face in the washing machine to see if it would have improved it.”

Goatee then went to another mall where a thin looking uglo was walking down the street wearing a pair of men’s plaid checkered bellbottom pants from the 1970s.

“They were bad taste in the ’70s and they’re even in worse taste today,” Goatee commented as he beheaded and dismembered the uglo looking dyke who obviously self-identified as a man with lousy taste in men’s fashions.

Goatee then ran into a fat uglo carrying six icream cones and 6 large Cokes.

“Eating light today are we?” Goatee beheaded the fat uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee then caught a bus home.

He walked the block back to his house when he encountered an uglo looking girl who had an intense expression of both ugliness and stupidity on her face.

“Well we know where you obviously were when the human gene pool hit rock bottom,” Goatee explained as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

At home Goatee watched the news where it said the inflation rate in Canada was now the highest it had been in 40 years.

“This is all Justin Trudeau’s fault because during the plandemic, he kept pulling money trees out of his ass thinking he could spend his way out of the plandemic,” Goatee thought he should pay a visit to Ottawa since Justin didn’t seem to have a good head on his shoulders.

Goatee thought he’d go to a neighbourhood grocery store.

Alas more uglos! out and about.

He sent his astral laser machete flying through the window of a bus to behead and dismember a fat ugly blimp who had just got on.

He saw another moronic looking uglo walking around so he beheaded and dismembered her as well.

Krampus who was wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts once again carried the dismembered remains of all the uglos that Pan Goatee slew down to Tartarus.

He dumped the chopped up remains on top of Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard who was busy roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus.

“Is that a quadbillion pieces yet?” Krampus asked the screaming Hubbard.

How much did Old Mother Hubbard keep in her cupboard?

-A vampire novel chapter
and midsummer nightmare
Written Wednesday
June 22nd
2022.

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Pan Goatee, The Bus Ride From Hell and A Hideously Repulsive Uglo In The Dollar Store

June 9, 2022 at 9:18 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Pan Goatee at a city wide tournament for CLUE The Parker Brothers Detective Game based on Agatha Christie’s Mystery Novels as in Col. Mustard did it to Miss Scarlet in the Dining Room with his lead pipe.

World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was attending to a lot of important business in downtown Calgary today.

Alas there were a lot of uglos wandering around the downtown core today so Pan was forced to behead them all and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Krampus the demon thought he had the day off today so he could watch the Canadian Open PGA Golf Tournament on television.

But alas uglos have no concern for others.

Instead of staying home and becoming guinea pigs for Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse experiment, they continued to wander around in public totally ruining the day for others.

Krampus had to pick up the pieces of the uglos beheaded and dismembered and carry them down to Tartarus.

Pan Goatee then caught the bus back home.

An uglo followed Pan Goatee on to the bus.

So he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus arrived just as a critical play was underway in the Canadian Open tournament.

A few bus stops down another uglo got on the bus.

Likewise Pan beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus was forced to pick up the pieces again just at another critical play in the Canadian Open tournament.

A few more bus stops down, another hideously repulsive uglo got on the bus- this time with her moronic looking low IQ boyfriend.

Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He did the same to her moronic looking low IQ boyfriend.

Once again Krampus was forced to come pick up the pieces just at another critical moment in the Canadian Open Golf Tournament.

Later when Goatee got home and watched the news, most of the stories tonight showed uglos being interviewed by brainless Global TV News Calgary reporters.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into auto-pilot mode and threw it out the window.

The machete beheaded all the uglos being interviewed as well as the brainless reporters interviewing them.

Likewise it cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

“Shit! Just when the final round for today is starting!” Krampus swore.

Later Goatee went to a neighbourhood Dollar store to pick up some items.

He went to stand in line when lo! and behold a really hideously repulsive looking uglo was standing in front of him.

“My void but you’re ugly,” Pan paraphrased John Cleese’s character of Basil Fawlty as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc.

Goatee left without buying anything.

And Krampus missed the final shot of today at the Canadian Open Golf Tournament.

Meanwhile on PBS, the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg was hosting a new series COSMOS For The 2020s (inspired by Carl Sagan’s famous COSMOS PBS series of the 1980s).

Finneganburg began the series by saying, “Trillions and trillions…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday
June 9th 2022

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Pan Goatee Beheads A Fat Ugly Blimp Who Thinks She’s Wonderful (She’s Mistaken)

May 27, 2022 at 9:12 pm (Aesthetics) ()

World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee giving the commencement address at Saint Thomas Aquinas High School.
Much more impressive than airheaded windbag New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s recent commencement address at Harvard.
The subject of his address was The Beauty of Aesthetics.

Pan Goatee had been unable to enter the Dollarama store in his neighbourhood for over a week.

The reason was everytime he entered the store where one caught an instant view of the cash till aisle upon entering, there was always a fat ugly blimp cashier working one of the tills or a fat ugly blimp customer standing in the aisle.

Goatee had made a promise to his anger management coach to try to see if he could go a week without beheading anybody.

Last Friday, he had entered the Dollarama store and there was a fat ugly blimp customer standing in the till aisle so he turned around and left.

A couple of nights ago, he had entered the Dollarama store and there were two fat ugly blimp customers standing in the till aisle so he turned around and left.

Tonight he entered the Dollarama store and there was a fat ugly blimp working one of the tills.

“Week’s up,” Pan Goatee stated so he beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

She said before being beheaded, “But I’m wonderful. This I know for my Ophrah Winfrey daily astrological advisor tells me so.”

But the Ophrah Winfrey daily astrological advisor was obviously out of alignment with the stars.

As was now the fat ugly blimp’s head as well as the rest of her.

Krampus arrived to pick up the pieces and take them down to Tartarus.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday May 27th
2022.

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A Darwinian Pox

May 18, 2022 at 10:21 pm (Aesthetics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee signs autographs on pineapples in a grocery store

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking downtown when a repulsive looking uglo tried to pass him on the sidewalk.

Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus dutifully carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus.

Later as he tried to catch a bus back home, a really super super repulsively pathetically ugly fat ugly blimp was waiting at the same stop.

The repulsive uglo’s name was She Who Consumes Too Many Buffalo Steaks On An Hourly Basis.

Goatee beheaded the fat repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 rillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. pieces.

There was an almost infinite number of atoms, sub-atoms and sub-particles for Krampus to carry down to Tartarus.

Pan Goatee caught the C-Train LRT home instead.

Later he was walking towards a neighbourhood grocery store when a fat ugly blimp walked in front of him to enter an Auto Parts store.

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces remarking, “I imagine the springs on your automobile probably went kaput due to your enormous weight.”

Krampus carried both the fat ugly blimp’s remains and the flat as a pancake automobile down to Tartarus.

. . .

There are currently 30 cases of Monkeypox virus in Europe, 13 in the Canadian province of Quebec and one in the city of Boston Massachusetts in the U.S.

The demon Bideninus (a demon who definitely wasn’t very bright) wondered underneath his burning Dunce cap if Bill Gates had invested any money in a Monkeypox vaccine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 18th
2022.

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85th Anniversary of The Hindenburg Disaster

May 6, 2022 at 10:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Today is the 85th anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster

World famous and much beloved genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee celebrated the 85th anniversary by beheading and dismembering a stupid repulsively uglo little brat who ran across a street against a walk signal.

The satyr was standing at an intersection waiting for the light to change.

As it changed, he noticed a stupid repulsively uglo little brat running across the street against a walk signal.

The uglo managed to escape being run over by cars but she didn’t manage to escape being beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete.

“If you’re female and living in Calgary, make sure you’re beautiful if you’re going to start ignoring traffic signals. Otherwise if you’re a repulsively uglo little brat like you are, this is going to happen to you,” Pan Goatee pointed out as he beheaded the stupid repulsively uglo little brat.

He then cut the stupid repulsively uglo little brat up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x 999 trillion etc. etc. pieces.

Krampus arrived to pick up the remains of the stupid repulsively uglo little brat and carry them down to Tartarus.

Later as Goatee was on his way home, he noticed a fat ugly blimp out walking her dog.

Goatee beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

The dog now free ran off into the sunset.

He passed the Norse wolf Fenrir who was walking in the neighbourhood looking for his father Loki (who had recently been killed by a thunderbolt shot at him by the Greek god Zeus. Unfortunately for humanity, the evil Dr. Anthony Fauci was working to bring Loki back from the dead. Along with Nancy Pelosi who had been beheaded yesterday by a Mexican-American toddler on the occasion of Cinco de Mayo).

It was 85 years ago today that the Hindenburg airship exploded over Lakehurst New Jersey causing 35 fatalities (13 passengers and 22 crewmen) from the 97 people on board (36 passengers and 61 crewmen) and an additional fatality on the ground.

The cause of the fire was a fierce lightning storm in the area (although the Nazis claimed it was sabotage).

This year the ghost of Orson Welles directed a documentary (that was not shown on PBS) explaining the cause of the ferocious lightning storm in the area.

It all dates back to a notorious scoundrel named Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen whose soul was collected by the demon Beelzebub back on January 18th 1871.

Von Luftwaffen holds the Cosmos’ cosmic record for most escapes from Tartarus.

His latest escape from Tartarus occurred on May 3rd 1937.

He boarded the Hindenburg at Frankfurt, Germany on that same date as the airship left on its journey across the Atlantic to the U.S. Navy Base at Lakehurst, New Jersey.

Days earlier a 33rd Degree American Freemason had been assigned the rotating barbeque spit right next to Hermann von Luftwaffen’s rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus.

The Mason had a message for Baron von Luftwaffen from Henry A. Wallace who was Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Secretary of Agriculture (Wallace later served as FDR’s Vice-President from January 20th 1941 to January 20th 1945. The phrase Annuit Coeptis Novus Ordo Seclorum was put on the back of the U.S. $1 bill in 1935 at Wallace’s suggestion).

Wallace had discovered through research by his friends in the Theosophist Society that Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen had been descended on his mother’s side from Adam Weishaupt the founder of the Bavarian Illuminati.

Wallace had also learned from Theosophist spiritist medium and mystic Nicholas Roerich that Baron Hermann von Luftwaffen also held the Cosmos’ cosmic record for most successful escapes from Tartarus.

Although von Luftwaffen was always caught and brought back to Tartarus by the demon Beelzebub.

Wallace promised the Baron via the rotating roasting Freemason that if he managed to escape from Tartarus again, he could get a job working for him Henry Wallace.

And thus it was that von Luftwaffen escaped from Tartarus and boarded the Hindenburg on his way to the U.S.

However the demon Beelzebub was waiting for him at Lakehurst New Jersey.

Beelzebub the prince of the demons of the air was the cause of the lightning storm in the area.

As he went forth to collect von Luftwaffen’s soul for the umpteenth time, a lightning bolt caused by Beelzebub’s action struck the Hindenburg and caused it to burst into flames.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday May 6th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Ends The Cruelest Month By Beheading Yet Another Fat Ugly Blimp

April 30, 2022 at 8:10 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Krampus the demon ready to pick up the pieces after another Pan Goatee aesthetic crusade

Writer T. S. Eliot had once called April the cruelest month.

And it was for Pan Goatee.

Calgary seemed to have more fat ugly blimps waddling around this month than usual and that was saying a lot

The genetically created satyr serial killer had gone to a neighbourhood grocery store to buy bottles of lemonade.

When he was in the soda pop and drinks aisle his eyes were visually assaulted by a fat ugly blimp.

She was right next to the shelf where bottles of lemonade were sold.

Goatee reached for his astral laser machete and approached the repulsive uglo.

The fat ugly blimp said to her little brat son, “I’ll buy you two bottles of pop as long as you share them with your mother.”

“I think you’ve had enough of a sugar intake haven’t you, you fat ugly blimp?” Goatee beheaded the fatso uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion pieces x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x 999 trillion etc. etc. pieces.

“No doubt you’ve got fat ugly blimp genes in your DNA,” Goatee stated as he beheaded the little brat and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

“You killed my daughter and grandson,” remarakd an older woman who had been with the pair.

“You shouldn’t be mating with Loki,” Goatee beheaded the shapeshifting walrus and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“This looks like a job for Krampus,” the demon said as he arrived on the scene.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Saturday April 30th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads A Most Obnoxious and Repulsive Fat Ugly Blimp While Zeus Encounters Loki

April 28, 2022 at 9:36 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Krampus was tonight’s demon of honour at a Klaus Schwab World Economic Forum Demonic Celebrity Roast

The ghost of Red Buttons was doing his stand-up routine, “Some of the most famous diabolical figures in history never got a dinner.
The serpent who said to Eve, “Would you like an apple?” never got a dinner.
Mephistopheles who said to Faust “Would you like a piece of tail?” never got a dinner.
Baphomet who still has trouble figuring out what gender and what species he is never got a dinner.”

Krampus who was eating some curried goats’ legs hoped he wouldn’t be called away to pick up the pieces after yet another Pan Goatee aesthetic crusade.

But the best laid hope of demons like the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

As the ghost of Robbie Burns played the bag pipes outside the White House, the evil Norse god Loki was boasting to senile old fool Joe Biden about his latest repulsive and uglo progeny.

“Loki, I think I dropped my keys very low,” said Biden as his Executive Gold Plated washroom key fell into his Depends diapers.

Meanwhile on a Calgary Public Transit bus, a really obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp was making everybody on the bus miserable.

She kept jumping out of her seat as if she had ants in her pants.

The really repulsive fat ugly blimp was trying to figure out what stop she should get off at because the stupid uglo hadn’t figured it out ahead of time.

She went and asked a woman a few seats up, “Where should I get off?”.

The woman told the fat ugly blimp to get off at the stop after her.

Pan Goatee was sitting at a seat minding his own business.

The fat ugly blimp should have got off at the door closest to her.

Instead being the thoroughly obnoxious and inconsiderate creature that she was, the fat ugly blimp (daughter of Loki and a fat ugly walrus who had died her hair red) went up to get off at the door right across from Pan Goatee.

“You fat ugly blimp,” Goatee said to her, “you fat ugly freak.”

The fat ugly blimp was taken aback as she had never met anyone who called a spade a spade before.

Goatee’s friend Jarod Jerome Le Gnome punched the fat ugly blimp in the face 999 trillion times.

When Le Gnome had finished using his boxing skills on the uglo, Goatee took out his astral laser machete and beheaded the obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp.

He then cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x etc. etc.

Krampus was called away from his dinner just as Klaus Schwab was delivering the toast.

He picked up the obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp’s remains and carried them down to Tartarus.

Loki meanwhile had left the White House and had teleported (he had bought Scotty the Scottish engineer’s Star Trek teleporter machine at an auction a couple of weeks ago) to Calgary to see how his progeny were doing.

He was informed by his son the Midgard World Serpent Jormungandr (who was drinking Jagermeister) that Goatee had just killed another one of his (Loki’s) progeny.

Loki burst into tears.

Meanwhile Zeus the king of the Olympians (who was very horny towards beautiful women) was getting sick of Loki populating the earth with uglos.

He sent a thunderbolt at the evil Norse god killing him instantly.

It looks like Ragnarok would be postponed for awhile.

“Ragnarok, yes, but not Armageddon,” said the Hebrew Abaddon (in Greek Apollyon) the Destroyer who rose out of the bottomless pit.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written Thursday April 28th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Evil Norse God Loki

April 25, 2022 at 10:01 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

The evil Norse god Loki after having been beheaded and dismembered by the genetically created classical Greek mythological satyr Pan Goatee is brought back from the dead by Dr. Anthony Fauci and a voodoo witch doctor only to die at the hands of Heimdall at the Battle of Ragnarok

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “Yesterday on Eastern Orthodox Sunday, Joe Biden’s cerebrally challenged Secretary of State Antony Blinken and his pronoun challenged Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin flew to Kyiv to meet with Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelenskiy. This meeting could prove disastrous for the Ukrainian people given the Biden Administration’s innate inability to win a war or win a peace or win anything else for that matter (except when it comes to massive cheating and fraud in a U.S. Presidential election)…”

When the podcast was over, Michelangelo drifted off to sleep where he had a dream (or was it a vision?) of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee battling the evil Norse god Loki (progenitor of the pathetically and repulsively ugly white women of Calgary).

In the battle the mighty Goatee beheaded the evil Loki and cut him up into the exact number of pieces that matched the exact number of inches and centimeters combined across the entire Universe.

“Math is a wonderful thing,” Odin commented as he licked a popsicle.

Krampus arrived to carry the remains of the despicable Loki down to Tartarus.

Unfortunately for humanity, the evil Dr. Anthony Fauci and an evil voodoo witch doctor named Dr. Blinken Austin brought Loki back from the dead (using trillions and trillions of research dollars (that shocked the ghost of Carl Sagan) that Biden printed up to accomplish the feat pushing America further into debt and massive inflation) and once again the villainous wretch was once again walking the face of the Earth.

Meanwhile tonight over in the City of Calgary (the site of Loki’s demonic and diabolical mating experiments), Pan Goatee had gone for an evening walk when he encountered a fat ugly blimp approaching him on the sidewalk so the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Later the satyr walked into a Dollarama store to see if there were any items he needed.

While standing in one of the aisles Goatee looked to see if he could buy a jar of Instant Coffee.

There was no Instant Coffee.

Whereas a couple of weeks ago there were plenty of jars and now they were all gone.

A supply chain crisis that senile old fool Joe Biden would no doubt blame on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

As he stood in the aisle, a fat ugly blimp customer gazed down the aisle at him.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it down the aisle at the fat ugly blimp.

It beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces before returning to Goatee.

Goatee selected some other items and went up to the cashier.

There was only one other customer in front of him although the bozo seemed to be having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner.

As the bozo was failing on his 999 trillionth attempt to try to tap his debit card on to the scanner- another cashier- a fat ugly blimp- arrived on the scene and bellowed (in cow like fashion), “I can help whoever’s next.”

Goatee wasn’t going to be served by someone that fat and ugly so he put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the uglo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x ROTFLMFAO ! x etc. etc. pieces.

Goatee was so angry that he went back and left his basket in one of the aisles and left the store without buying anything.

As the satyr exited, he noticed the bozo was still having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner so Pan put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the bozo where it promptly beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The idiot would never ever have to worry about figuring out how to tap a debit card on to a scanner again.

Meanwhile over at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis decided not to meet Patriarch Kirill of Moscow after his Aleister Crowley blessed tarot card deck told him not to.

-Written Monday April 25th 2022.

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Pan Goatee Celebrates Emmanuel Macron’s Victory By Beheading A Few More Uglos

April 24, 2022 at 9:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

When Pan Goatee slays an uglo, you know that

In France Emmanuel Marcon had been re-elected President for a second term.

At the White House when senile old fool Joe Biden was informed of Macron’s win, he commented, “I thought it was that Gen. Charles Gaul guy or whatever his name was (I wonder if he’s related to Asterix the Gaul) who was President. You know the guy who wrote those Letters of Transit that Peter Lorre was killed for in the movie Casablanca.”

When British MP Renfield R. Renfield was informed of Macron’s win, he sighed, “Alas, the French people are no longer a great nation.”

In Calgary, genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had not heard the unhappy news of Macron’s win.

Instead he was sitting in a McDonald’s restaurant enjoying a Big Mac (currently on special for $4.99) and a Diet Coke and reading the complimentary newspaper.

Suddenly his happy time was ruined when a fat ugly blimp sat across from him and began staring at him.

“What are you staring at me for? Do you think I have incredibly bad taste in women like most Calgary white males and would ask you out on a date? You’re grossly mistaken as well as just gross,” Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x LOL etc. etc. pieces.

Goatee was so angry he up and left the McDonald’s and headed to the shopping mall across the parking lot.

When he entered the mall, there were two uglos sitting on a bench at the entrance.

“Who let all the two legged dogs out today?” Goatee beheaded the two uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Apparently the Norse trickster god Loki (who like most Calgary white males had incredibly bad taste in the females he knocked up himself) was in the city and had let the two legged dogs out.

Krampus once again was picking up the pieces of remains of Goatee’s aestheticaly inspired killing spree and taking them down to Tartarus.

Later when Goatee was walking home, he came across an uglo and her low IQ motonic boyfriend sitting on a park bench so he beheaded and dismembered them both.

Loki, who was busy banging both a Hillary Clinton and a Nancy Pelosi lookalike in a warehouse across the street, commented, “You’ve got to admire Pan Goatee’s panache. He keeps on going even though uglos keep popping up the heads on a Hydra when it battled Hercules.”

Goatee was almost home when he encountered a fat ugly blimp and her low IQ moronic husband standing in front of a very awful looking motor vehicle.

“I can’t have neighbours like you in the neighbourhood,” so he beheaded them both.

Meanwhile in Paris France, the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon was crying in his cognac, “The French have re-elected an imbecile for a second term.”

He then started shouting out loud, “A horse. A horse. My empire for a horse.”

His white horse Le Vizir arrived and Napoleon rode off getting as far away from France as possible.

-Sunday April 24th 2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos and Their Moronic Boyfriends On A Saturday Night

April 23, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue) ()

Pan Goatee fired up a coal powered electricity generator backstage at a rock concert to show his support for the recent UN approved and Pope Francis approved Earth Day celebrations

He was immediately set upon and verbally attacked by a transgendered Jesuit priest for not showing proper appreciation for Pope Francis’ encyclical Laudato si.

Goatee promptly beheaded the transgendered Jesuit and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

He asked the demon Krampus to deliver the remains to Jorge Mario Bergoglio at the Vatican.

When Gianfranco Cardinal Ravasi heard of the death of the Transgendered Jesuit, he sighed to Samhain Cardinal Salaman, “Alas poor Yorick! I knew him well, Samhain, he was a disciple of Aleister Crowley like me.”

Later when Goatee was walking back from a Dollarama store he encountered a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ husband who were walking out of a grocery store.

“The terms “weight loss” and “wearing paper bag over one’s head” are obviously eight words that are not in your limited vocabulary,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He did the same to her moronic low IQ husband as well.

Krampus delivered the remains down to Tartarus.

Later that same evening Pan Goatee went to a grocery store to buy bottles of lemonade.

As he was exiting the store a thin repulsive looking uglo tried to exit in front of him.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilliin x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilliin x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x etc. etc. pieces.

Her moronic low IQ boyfriend (who was wearing a t-shirt that read I THINK JOE BIDEN IS WONDERFUL AND I DON’T BELONG IN A REHAB CENTRE) started objecting to his uglo girlfriend’s beheading and extremely thinly sliced dismemberment

“Has anybody ever told you that you whine in the exact same way that Justin Trudeau does?” Goatee beheaded the Justin Trudeau wannabe and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus arrived wearing a Calgary Flames NHL hockey jersey and carried the remains down to Tartarus.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 23rd
2022.

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