Will Dracula Be The Next Pope?
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was sitting in his office at the Vatican.
Although Francis required all Vatican employees and visitors to be be vaccinated with the Covid non-vaccine (none of the so-called vaccines for Covid were technically vaccines but rather genetic serums but most of the public was too dumb and gullible to know that. Since Big Pharma, Big Government, Big Business and the mainstream media called it a vaccine, it was obviously a vaccine to them), since most of those working at the Vatican were paying more attention to their gay sex hook-up Grindr apps on their phone rather than who was vaccinated, nobody bothered to note that Samhain Cardinal Salaman had never been vaccinated.
Salaman was informed that he had a visitor.
Sergius Materiy the Russian Orthodox Archbishop of Astana, Kazakhstan.
Salaman invited the Archbishop into his office.
“What can I do for you, your Eminence?” Salaman asked the Archbishop.
“I’m here to discuss something your Eminence,” The Archbishop answered, “Since you work in the Vatican, you are probably more aware than I am about the rumours swirling around that Francis is on the verge of kicking the bucket. Hence his reasoning and his rush to proclaim the motu proprio Traditionis custodes into law and restrict the celebration of the Tridentine Mass.”
“Yes, I’ve heard those rumours,” Cardinal Salaman nodded, “I’ve been told that the only one who hates the Latin Tridentine Mass more than Francis is Lucifer himself.”
“His recent operation wasn’t as successful as he and his doctors had hoped?” Archbishop Materiy asked.
“I’ve been told (unofficially of course) that his main trouble is his reaction to the Covid non-vaccine that he received earlier this year,” Salaman replied.
“Anyways, the reason I’m here is…” the Astana Archbishop paused, “Well you no doubt heard that a few years ago an expedition was sent to Castle Dracula in Transylvania in order to remove the wooden stake from Prince Vlad III Dracula’s heart and bring him back from the dead. The purpose being to have Vlad III Dracula fight the ISIS Islamic State in Syria and also to stop Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from bringing back the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.”
“Yes, I’ve heard that was the purpose in bringing Prince Vlad III Dracula back from the dead,” The Cardinal nodded.
“Anyways I’m going to give you this document,” Materiy handed him a piece of paper, “It describes a plan for a post-Francis world. A world where Dracula is the next Pope.”
“Dracula as the next Pope?” Salaman was astounded, “But Dracula currently isn’t even a Cardinal. How will he get to be Pope?”.
“Read on, MacDuff,” The Archbishop paraphrased Shakespeare as he pointed towards the document.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 27th
2021.
Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula ponders the question, “Will my father Count Dracula be the next Pope?”.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds: Pan, Pandemic and Pandemonium
The Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds (who was the Church of England’s leading exorcist) was in his office at Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Parish Church in West London.
He was meeting with a young gypsy woman named Dulcinea Lucia who was having nightmares about the Covid-19 situation.
Both Father Saint Edmunds and Dulcinea Lucia were friends of Amadeus Emanon and British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
“There is a rabbi named Rabbi Michoel Green who’s Director of the Chabad Center in Westborough Massachusetts who recently wrote a piece on the etymological origins of the word pandemic,” Father Saint Edmunds noted, “Pan is Greek for the English word “all” and “demic” comes from the Greek word “demos” meaning “people”. So pan-demic is something that threatens all people. And the Greek word Pan itself originally derives from the Greek deity named Pan. Pan (a half-man, half-goat satyr figure) was a beastial deity of nature and the wild. He was the god of both herdsmen and hunters.
It was in the era of Classical Greece that the Greeks started to use the name of Pan to mean “all”. Our word “pan-ic” derives from the name Pan since it was believed that the presece of the deity would arouse sudden uncontrollable fear in people that led them into irrational behaviour. Such as buying loads of toilet paper from stores when the Ethiopian TPLF Communist head of WHO and Xi Jinping stooge puppet Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus suddenly proclaimed a “pandemic” back in March. Or wearing a talisman such as a face mask thinking that it will stop all viruses (it won’t). The mainstream Marxist media are always yacking about how face masks can stop the transmission of most viruses but all it takes is for one to get through (which one eventually will) and then you’ve got Covid. But still it gives technocratic health experts and politicians a feeling of power when you can dictate to people what they must wear.
A pandemic can invoke “pandemonium” (which means “all-demons” and is used to describe the uproar than can occur when all demons are let loose). It’s almost as if a pandemic brings something demonic out of people.”
Dulcinea asked, “I suppose as an Anglo-Catholic clergyman and as an exorcist, you believe that there are literal beings such as demons?”.
“Yes,” said Father Saint Edmunds, “For the Apostle Saint Paul wrote in the 1st verse of 2 Timothy Chapter 3, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.” The Greek word used for perilous in that verse is “chalepos” and that word “chalepos” is only used one other time in the entire Greek New Testament. And that’s in Matthew Chapter 8 verse 28 when Jesus is in the country of the Gergesenes and he meets two demon possessed men rising out of the tombs exceeedingly fierce so that no man might pass by that way. Later in that same chapter, the spirits possessing the men are sent into a herd of swine and that herd of swine throw themselves over a cliff into the sea.The word translated fierce in that verse (as in exceedingly fierce) is chalepos. The same word in the original Greek that was translated “perilous” in 2nd Timothy Chapter 3 verse 1. So the last days are times of demonic peril and demonic fierceness. And this pandemic (derived from the satyr God Pan and his antics) are certainly bringing that about.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 22nd
2020.
Semiramis’ Early Valentine’s Day Present For Dracul While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Pig To Greek God Zeus For Chinese New Year
Semiramis: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Van Helsing.”
“But it isn’t quite Valentine’s Day yet,” Van Helsing looked at his Latin sun dial wrist watch (which didn’t work quite so well at night) as he addressed the immortal Queen of Babylon.
“But it is Chinese New Year,” Semiramis smiled, “so I thought we’d take the Persian magic flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles left behind in the hotel and use it to fly to your old home town of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and have dinner at the Blue Willow Restaurant there at your favourite table alongside the statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy.”
“Or,” Dracul joked, “we could order take out from Lydo Chinese Food.”
He recounted their TV commercial musical song jingle from his childhood, “4-2-6- 5-0-5-0 (their phone number- Editor’s Note), if you’re hungry call the Lydo… now. Free delivery.”
“Van Helsing, shut up,” Semiramis commanded in a spanking dominatrix tone of voice that turned Dracul on.
. . .
Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump was giving his State of The (Dis)Union Address as the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant watched from the public gallery.
It was deja vu all over again for the quartet.
. . .
In Beijing China, the Black Dragon had arranged for a Lunar New Year celebration for Chinese leader Xi Jinping.
A wild boar with an Apple iPhone in its mouth along with a real apple was brought in on a silver platter.
The wild boar was dressed in the Stars and Stripes of the American flag and the apple (fruit not iPhone) had a miniature Canadian flag on a toothpick along with a marijuana cigarette sticking out of it.
. . .
In the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was sacrificing a live Vietnamese pot bellied pig to a statue of the Greek god Zeus that had been placed in the Lady Chapel.
Horrified looking holographic images of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog (projected by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland) looked on in horror.
“Kermit, do something,” Miss Piggy shrieked.
“What can I do?” Kermit answered as he ate flies from a can of sardines whose expiry date had long since expired, “It ain’t easy being green.”
. . .
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom stood alongside a marble bust of Pan the Greek satyr nature god (her one time lover) and addressed the ghost of Orson Welles.
“Do you know how my son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun is celebrating Chinese New Year in Ireland?” Sophia remarked, “Drunk under several pints of Guinness and a pot of gold.”
“I should have done the same,” Welles’ ghost remarked while suffering an acute case of spectral ectoplasmic indigestion after having ordered the Hungry Ghost Plate Special at Ho Ho’s Chinese Food in the Hub Mall of Edmonton’s University of Alberta campus while a marriage proposal was happening in front of the express food concession stand.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 5th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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