Reblog of The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

March 20, 2020 at 10:33 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Poetry) (, , )

A poem I wrote 4 years ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

A can of Dew Kickstart one could barely swallow
when one saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
riding his horse down Fifth Avenue
swiping from a traffic cop a bowl of Irish stew
but realizing he had no mouth to eat it
he threw it aside quoting Michael Jackson, “Beat it.”

He then rode to Park Avenue
and starting to feel a little blue
sang that grand old tune
by the light of silvery moon,
“Puttin’ on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper”
And having no head the Headless Horseman failed miserably at looking like Gary Cooper
he more resembled Donald Trump minus his red spider monkey fur toup-er
And thus he left New York a Presidential party pooper.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th 2016.

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The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

March 20, 2016 at 8:32 pm (Humour, News, Poetry) (, , )

The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

A can of Dew Kickstart one could barely swallow
when one saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
riding his horse down Fifth Avenue
swiping from a traffic cop a bowl of Irish stew
but realizing he had no mouth to eat it
he threw it aside quoting Michael Jackson, “Beat it.”

He then rode to Park Avenue
and starting to feel a little blue
sang that grand old tune
by the light of silvery moon,
“Puttin’ on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper”
And having no head the Headless Horseman failed miserably at looking like Gary Cooper
he more resembled Donald Trump minus his red spider monkey fur toup-er
And thus he left New York a Presidential party pooper.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th 2016.

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Bee Before Sea

June 10, 2014 at 3:21 pm (Commentary, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Bee Before Sea

The man walked along the old pier at Atlantic City.

He gazed out at the ocean.

He suddenly heard a buzzing sound.

Bzzzz…

…bzzzz…

…bzzzz…

What was that?

A bee.

The man tried to calm down.

He had a severe allergy to bee stings.

In fact, they could be fatal to him.

So he wouldn’t do anything to upset the bee.

Strange he thought.

What was a bee doing here at the ocean?

So far from fields, flowers and trees.

Though the man made no movement, the bee landed on the man and stung him.

Within minutes, the man was dead.

In the distance, another individual in long black trench coat and dark sunglasses had been shooting a video of the whole incident with his smart phone.

He clicked Send.

Then he dialed a number.

The mysterious Park Avenue billionaire answered his phone in his luxurious New York City penthouse Park Avenue Apartment.

“The test subject for our experiment,” the man from DARPA spoke, “the man with a medical history of severe allergic reaction to bee stings has died. This testing stage for our RoboBee seems to be a success. Now if we can make mechanical pollination successful, robotic bees can replace honey bees who are being killed off with the agricultural pesticides made by Monsanto and others. We’ll have the power to grow food and, as has been shown in the video I just sent you, the power to kill. We’ll have the power of life and death.”

“We shall be as gods,” the Park Avenue billionaire grinned with his reptilian teeth.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 9th
2014.

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Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

April 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

The New York City billionaire hid behind a curtain in his Park Avenue apartment as he spoke to Pan Goatee.

Pan figured the man was possibly either quite shy or extremely ugly or maybe both.

As Pan heard a rustling behind the curtains that overlooked a grotesque face painted on a globe of the world that sat on a throne in front of the black curtain, a parrot in a cage on a nearby table squawked, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore! Squawk! Toto, I’ve got the feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Squawk!”.

A gun emerged from behind the curtain and was fired.

The parrot fell to the copy of The Wall Street Journal on the floor of his bird cage- quite dead.

“You’re right,” a voice behind the curtain said, “you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Pan was starting to feel a kinship with the billionaire behind the curtains after he watched this display.

“I understand,” the billionaire looked at a copy of Pan Goatee’s resume behind the curtain as he spoke, “that you have the ability to astral project
and that furthermore you have the ability to kill people with your astral body using either an astral machete or an astral semi-automatic.”

“That is correct,” Pan Goatee beamed from ear to ear on his furry, fuzzy unshaven face.

He was quite proud of his skills and abilities.

“And I understand,” the billionaire flipped over to the second page of the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr serial killer’s 666-page resume, “that you’re able to shape-shift into various human forms and appearances with your astral body?”.

“And other life forms as well,” Pan Goatee stuck out his chest proudly.

He was currently working on doing a lifelike impersonation of Kermit the Frog with his astral body.

“I want you,” the billionaire spoke, “to astral project to the so-called Holy Land and while there to kill multitudes of people. You’re to kill a whole bunch of Palestinians while looking like a Jewish settler and then to kill a whole bunch of Israeli Jews while looking like a fighter of the Fatah al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade. Will you do it?”.

Pan Goatee had in fact done such a very thing for free last autumn while in the area of Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

He had done it as a practical joke to keep himself amused.

“Sure,” Pan Goatee replied, “how much will you pay me?”.

“I’ll pay you $100,000 per person you kill,” the billionaire answered.

“All right,” Pan Goatee answered as he looked down at his fingernails and figured they could use a good manicure, “how many people do you want me to kill?”.

“As many as possible,” the billionaire answered, “whatever amount it takes to start an all-out war between Israel and the Palestinians.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 11th
2014.

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