The Feast of The Beast 2023
Back in 1955 the Greek goddess Artemis was in possession of the silver arrow of Chiron the centaur
Attending a Chiron the Centaur exhibit at the British Museum in March 1955, the Greek goddess Artemis had the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur in her purse.
Artemis exited her vehicle to walk to the British Museum.
A female Soviet KGB agent who was a master pickpocket stole the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
It was taken to Moscow where it was placed in the KGB Archives but lost by one KGB Archivist Harry Wooismeovich.
For his efforts, Harry Wooismeovich was shot by firing squad under orders by Nikita Khrushchev.
Harry Wooismeovich’s last words were “Oh, who’s Winston Churchill?” in answer to a British government telegram for clemency and “Woo is me!” in answer to being shot.
The silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur was thus lost to history.
Causing the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit to face a dilemma on March 23rdrd 2023.
Every March 23rd was the Feast of The Beast for some dark magic practicing occultic secret societies.
Among the dark deities venerated by these occultic secret societies was Apophis the Egyptian god of chaos and darkness.
Once long ago in the mists of antiquity it was the case that every night Apophis would attack the solar barge of Ra the Egyptian god of light and the sun.
The Egyptian god Set would come to Ra’s aid every night and defeat Apophis.
In those days Set was considered a hero and a good guy.
He only became a villain to history after cutting up his brother Osiris into 14 pieces (even though Osiris was the Egyptian Justin Trudeau of his day and most likely deserved what he got).
Miranda Singh of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit had discovered that one dark magic occultic secret society would be sacrificing a ghost of all things on this particular Feast of the Beast.
And the ghost would be sacrificed down in Cornwall to prevent a descendant of King Arthur from rising to power on the world stage and instead allow a descendant of Mordred to rise to power on the world stage.
King Arthur had been born at Tintagel Castle in Cornwall and the sacrifice of the ghost would be performed at Tintagel Castle.
A ghostly sacrifice rather than a human sacrifice was necessary to enact a major geopolitical event.
And the ghost chosen for the Tintagel Castle Cornwall sacrifice was none other than the ghost of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander who was a personal friend of Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ quite literally immortal twin sister), Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Orson Welles.
Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander had been waylaid in London’s Highgate Cemetery last night by Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld and a rag tag group of Breton korrigans.
The ghostly sacrifice would be performed by a demon possessed elk who had been given as a gift to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby by the U.S. Federal Cabinet of Joe Biden in appreciation for his support of gay and transgender rights.
Apparently the only way of slaying a demon possessed elk was to kill it with a silver arrow.
After a brief meeting of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit in which the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds (the Anglo-Catholic Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Church in West London and the Church of England’s leading exorcist who tried to exorcise Italian historian Roberto de Mattei the only known person (so far) to have become demonically possessed as a result of receiving the DeathVaxx vaccine) served as an advisor, it was agreed that the most effective way of slaying this demonically possessed elk was to use the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur.
Which was lost to history.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles using the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern projector went back in time to steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the Greek goddess Artemis before Nikita Khrushchev’s acclaimed pickpocket female KGB agent had the chance to do so.
Dracul saw Artemis exiting her vehicle on the night of the Chiron the Centaur Exhibit at the British Museum:
Van Helsing immediately grabbed the arrow.
Artemis said, “Dracul, how dare you steal the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur?”.
She immediately grabbed Van Helsing, took him over her knee and spanked him.
While being spanked, Dracul threw the silver arrow to the ghost of Orson Welles who went forward in time to the place of Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
Van Helsing then made love 💕 to the Greek goddess Artemis on the large luxurious back seat of the classic 1950s era vehicle.
After goddess and vampire hunter had finished rocking the vehicle, Dracul went forward in time to Tintagel Castle in Cornwall on the night of Thursday March 23rd 2023.
He grabbed his crossbow and the silver arrow of Chiron the Centaur from the ghost of Orson Welles.
The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had already been killing with his crossbow and silver arrows various supernatural entities participating in the ceremony.
For reasons known only to himself, the Celtic stag god did not wish to see a descendant of Mordred ascend to power on the world stage.
The demon possessed elk was raising the supernatural sword 🗡️ Excalibur above the ghostly spectral salamander throat of Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander.
Both Cernunnos and Van Helsing fired their crossbows at the same time.
After a silver arrow pierced the demon possessed elk’s throat, the elk said in Latin in Shakespearian Julius Caesar like fashion, “And thou, Cernunnos? Or was it thou, Dracul?.”
Even Cernunnos’ PH Unbalanced hairstylist didn’t know for sure.
Thus it was a question/answer never asked on the Canadian-American game show ghost host Alex Trebek’s TV program Jeopardy in the Elysian Fields of the Realm of the Underworld.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2023.
Persephone Meets Belvedere
Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld in London’s Highgate Cemetery
Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld was in London’s Highgate Cemetery for reasons known only to herself.
Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander (who was a reporter for the Times of London) was walking through the cemetery.
Belvedere had once been human.
He had been a deserter from the Confederate Army during the U.S. Civil War, became an outlaw in the Wild West for many years and then worked as a bartender in the Wild West saloon known as the Wild Tomatoes 🍅 and Mushrooms Saloon.
The saloon had been owned by Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister who became immortal after eating some Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms) when she lived in the American Wild West.
One night Belvedere had slept with a working girl who had a room in the saloon.
He refused to pay her for her services.
It turned out she was a gypsy enchantress as well so she turned Belvedere into a Ghost White Salamander (of the sort that reveals itself to Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith Jr. in Smith’s first and original telling of the find of the Golden Tablets. Later the Ghost White Salamander became Jesus Christ and then God the Father and Jesus Christ and then finally the angel Moroni in Smith’s subsequent retellings of the story).
Having become a Ghost White Salamander, Belvedere quickly ran out into the street outside the saloon where he was promptly run over by a settlers’ covered wagon heading west and thus ended up becoming the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander.
After a long and varied ghostly haunting of this planet Earth, Belvedere was now a reporter for The Times of London.
He was currently wandering through London’s Highgate Cemetery.
He thought of finding where Karl Marx was buried.
He looked around and saw a bunch of Crosses on gravestones and deduced he must be in the Christian part of Highgate Cemetery.
It was highly unlikely that a Jewish publicly proclaimed atheist who privately wrote love poems to the Devil whom he called Oulanem (which was a 19th Century occultic secret society name for the Devil) like Karl Marx would be buried in the Christian portion of Highgate Cemetery.
Belvedere was walking along on his tiny white spectral ghostly amphibian legs when he suddenly saw the Greek goddess Persephone in the clearing.
There was a full moon behind her.
Belvedere checked his calendar on his ghostly miniature spectral Apple Watch ⌚️.
He didn’t think there was supposed to be a full moon 🌕 tonight and indeed there wasn’t supposed to be.
It was supposed to be the start of the Islamic month of Ramadan after all.
Persephone smiled at him.
“Belvedere,” she said to him and then zapped him with a laser ray that shot out of the long black fingernail on the middle finger of her left hand.
The ghost of the Ghost White Salamander was knocked unconscious.
Persephone directed some Breton korrigans to pick up up the ghostly spectral body of the Ghost White Salamander and carry him to Cornwall.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 22nd
2023.
Reblog of The Death of The March Hare: A Poem
A narrative poem I wrote 3 years ago today:
On her throne, Persephone the Queen of the Underworld did decree
that the March Hare had brought joy to far too many
and it was time that this valiant hare should die
and should be now before March time did fly
So on this last day of March 2017
as the Hare drank tea with a Heartly Queen
the Messenger of Death did drop Polonium-210
into the hare’s teacup at the stroke of Big Ben
The hare raised the tea to his lips
as Mad Hatter recalled his latest trips
up through and outside the Rabbit hole
when the poor hare turned as black as coal
“Remember to pay the phone bill” were the Hare’s last words before he died
as into the frying pan went the Heartly queen’s kipper being fried
The March Hare fell over quite dead
and the Heartly queen turned bright red
“I did not say…
View original post 57 more words
Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus
Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus
The demon Mephistopheles had had a busy week.
He had accompanied Donald Trump on his visit to India to meet Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.
As the Donald was busy bombing at an audition to appear in a Bollywood musical dance number routine, Mephistopheles went to New Delhi, where, as the patron demon in charge of promoting racism and ethnic hatred and violence, he succeeded in arousing extreme Hindu nationalists into killing Muslims in New Delhi in days of rioting (at which the current death toll sat at 38).
Mephistopheles was now in Canada arousing racist attacks against indigenous people due to the fact that indigenous self-proclaimed Warrior Societies (really criminal gangs giving themselves a pleasant sounding name and title) were blockading various roads and railways throughout Canada.
. . .
Meanwhile at the White House in Washington DC, Donald Trump approached his medical mask wearing British butler and valet Lexington and posed the question, “Hey, Lexington, what’s up with all these people in hazmat suits carrying all these dead bodies out of the White House?”.
“Well, it can’t possibly be the Coronavirus, sir,” Lexington commented sardonically, “since just days ago, you assured the American people in a press conference that your Administration has got the Coronavirus totally under control. And as you yourself said, “Maybe one or two deaths at most. Not much more.” So presumably all these folks have keeled over from contracting something else.”
“I think that’s safe to say, Lexington,” Trump nodded, “And speaking of keeping the Coronavirus under control, have you seen my Vice-President Mike Pence?”.
“He’s currently in a military hospital on life support,” Lexington answered.
“What?” Trump’s resulting anger blew his ridiculous looking toupee off his head, “Why wasn’t I informed?”.
“Officials were afraid of getting fired in one of your tweets,” Lexington explained, “if word got out among the American public that the man you had put in charge of containing the Coronavirus namely Vice-President Mike Pence had himself just died from the Coronavirus. They’re currently contacting a Havana based research scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan into building an identical robot that looks like Vice-President Pence to appear in public and reassure voters. They’re also contacting Set Enterprises’ chief research scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can bring Mike Pence back from the dead as he was successful at bringing an Israeli Mossad agent back from the dead as well as the Greek god Apollo.”
“How do they determine what constitutes being dead these days anyways?” Trump helped himself to a candy zombie man from a candy jar full of candy zombie men, “Is it being brain dead and showing lack of brain waves? That’s what allows doctors to determine death?”.
“I think there are other determining factors, ” Lexington replied, “for example I understand there’s someone who currently works in the Oval Office who’s been brain dead for years and yet shows other signs of animation.”
“Really? And who might that be?” Trump asked as he bit the head off a candy zombie man.
“If you please, sir,” Lexington stepped over a dead body, “I’d rather not say.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 28th
2020.
The goddesses Demeter and Persephone await the arrival of more souls in the Underworld.
One Hell of A Snowstorm From Hel The Norse Goddess
Norse Goddess Hel: Do come in out of the cold, Mr. Van Helsing, and come warm yourself inside my welcoming fireplace.
Much of the United States was suffering one Hell of a cold spell and one Hell of a snowstorm.
And it was being caused by Hel the goddess of the Norse frozen underworld.
She had brought one Hell of a polar vortex with her from her abyss in the frozen northern wastelands.
She was able to do so because Wotan/Odin the chief of the Norse Germanic pantheon of gods (known as the AEsir) and King of Asgard was currently in a Set Enterprises eye clinic in London under the care of Dr. Cadbury Rocher as a result of his one good eye being hit by an arrow fired from the Celtic stag god Cernunnos’ crossbow on a U.S. Republican Party Country Club deer hunting trip gone horribly awry and hideously astray.
Since Wotan/Odin wasn’t around to veto the idea, Hel decided to have some fun.
She was currently in a Chicago hotel enjoying both the cold and the snow storm from inside her warmly heated luxury hotel room.
The Norse trickster god Loki was in a Chicago park trying to re-enact a scene from the 1997 Julia Roberts movie My Best Friend’s Wedding and ended up getting his tongue frozen to the ice cold pussy of a frozen ice sculpture statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite.
The Norse wolf Fenrir and the Baphomet (who was currently in Chicago on a cross-country speaking tour raising funds for the U.S. Democratic Party) laughed heartedly as a Chicago Fire Department welding unit was brought in to free Loki’s tongue from Aphrodite’s pussy.
Dracul Van Helsing was currently walking around Chicago caught in a vortex of time caught between a Chicago in a black and white Hollywood film movie set of the 1930s and the Chicago of the January 30th 2019 polar vortex snowstorm from Hell caused by Hel.
The vortex of time was brought about by the mad scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland interfering with Dracul’s Houdini-Tesla prototype magic lanterns by which the Canadian vampire hunter was able to time travel.
Shiva had aided CERN scientists in doing this.
Shiva’s wife Kali on the other hand had reached out to help Dracul Van Helsing.
For some reason, Kali’s mention of Dracul Van Helsing on a previous occasion had caused Shiva to turn into a green-eyed monster.
The ghost of Orson Welles, looking very much like the ghost of Christmas Past in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, appeared to Van Helsing.
“Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld has sent me to help you,” Welles’ ghost explained, “Van Helsing, you seem to work your way into the most precarious situations. I really don’t understand it.”
Welles’ ghost led Van Helsing on to a Persian flying carpet where they flew through the air to the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.
There the Norse goddess Hel invited Van Helsing into her room.
An invitation from the Norse goddess Hel to Dracul Van Helsing.
As Hel and Van Helsing made out and practiced tantric sex on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, Welles’ ghost complained about the fact that he was reduced to making porno films in the 21st Century.
Welles and Van Helsing left the room whereupon the door to the next room magically opened and the Norse goddess Freya the Queen of Asgard invited Van Helsing in:
Freya: Do come in and stay awhile, Mr. Van Helsing.
As Van Helsing and Freya engaged in a Kama Sutra tantric sex encounter,
Welles remarked over the Riesling wine and the delicious Norse cod that he was eating, “Well Van Helsing, there’s nothing like forging an alliance between Odin/Wotan and Shiva in one cosmic act of revenge.”
Next door, Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war invited Van Helsing in for a lesson as Welles watched.
Welles drowned his voyeurism in pints of Guinness and bottles of Irish whiskey.
Finally Zeus’ daughter Artemis the Greek goddess of the moon made the Call of The Wild from next door.
Artemis displays a full moon for Van Helsing on this evening.
“Zeus, Shiva and Odin/Wotan in a triple alliance,” Welles moaned over several bucketloads of the best French champagne as he watched the divinely cosmic sexual encounter.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 30th
2019.
The Clock of Thoth: A Poem
Tefna listening to the sound of the Clock of Thoth tick.
The young woman called Tefna
was in her apartment bedroom
listening to the sound of
the Clock of Thoth tick
A clock designed by her father
A master clock maker
At the stroke and bong of each hour
Two figures would come out
The first was Thoth
The ibis headed ancient Egyptian god
Of the moon, magic and writing
And of course the Egyptian god who
was the recorder of time
The other figure was an Egyptian Pharaoh
who bore the likeness of the young
Actor/Director Orson Welles
The year was 1945
The date was August 6th
Feast of the Transfiguration
On the Church calendar
When Christ showed his Divine Deity
To his Apostles Peter, James and John
Tefna awaited news on what would become of her fiance
a sailor in the U.S. Navy still involved in the War In The Pacific
against Japan
Thor’s lightning bolt insigna warriors in Germany
had surrendered months earlier
but no word yet on those who fought for the ancient gods of Japan
A young American scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer
was seeking to become the Hindu god Shiva
The destroyer and transformer of worlds
But Tefna was unaware of him and his plans
And what they could possibly mean for her
As she listened to the ticking of the Clock of Thoth
On the wall
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
As she always did at this same time every night
Before she went to bed
In the apartment next door
Hera the divine goddess queen of the Olympians
awaited the report of an immortal private eye
Carson Cody Albion
The Greek goddess Hera- that’s Juno to the ancient Romans!
She had suspected her husband Zeus
was getting it on with the modern goddesses
of the silver screen in Hollywood
The fact that she had heard him talking on the phone
seeking to borrow swan and bull costumes
from studio costume departments
only added to her suspicions.
In the apartment on the other side of Tefna
sat Hestia the Greek goddess of hearth and home
Hestia suspected that hearth and home would come to be neglected in America following the war
As both men and women followed Mammon
the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce
Who had helped America defeat Thor’s modern worshippers
All these things were unfolding in the building around Tefna
As she listened to the sound of the Clock of Thoth
tick on the wall
Tick-tock! Tick-tock! went the Clock of Thoth on the wall
As Tefna listened.
The Greek goddess Athena was there in black and white
on the silver screen
in the old repertory movie theatre
in West Hollywood
on January 14th
when Dracul Van Helsing
entered the theatre
and entered the screen
and then entered Athena
to sample hidden portals of wisdom
In the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London
Dashwood Forrest looked at the painting
of Demeter
The Greek goddess of fields, crops and agriculture
looking down on a field of 19th Century French peasant women
Bringing in the sheaves for harvest
Looking at the painting
Dashwood Forrest was shocked to see and hear
Demeter speak to the French women,
What sort of powerful magician could seduce my Persephone
away from her husband
As Athena found tantric sex to be a tantalizing experience
On the silver screen in a West Hollywood repertory theatre
actress Akira Lane was showing a robotics maker
fresh from a technology show in Las Vegas
what wonders old technology could do
when blended with ancient magic
As an Irish Jewish science-fiction writer
George Finneganburg
hastily took notes
Meanwhile in a London casino
Former British Labour MP
The Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley
(whose seat was now held by
British Transhumanist MP
Welsh vampiress Morgana)
walked in on an unexpected orgy
taking place on a casino table
The casino’s kinky quartet looked at him, smiled
and advised him not to miss Lord L’s
Super Wolf Blood Moon Party
in Washington DC
next Sunday night
with the brunette in short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose
Sitting atop the casino table
telling him not to miss it for the world
Renfield R. Renfield MP
had just finished writing his speech to move
a motion of non-confidence in Theresa May’s government
following the Brexit vote in the Westminster Parliament tomorrow
When suddenly he walked out into his Parliamentary office
waiting room
Where the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh
was waiting for him
Causing Renfield to burst the zipper on his trousers
When he saw her
He would have to buy himself a new suit
to deliver the speech in Parliament tomorrow
It was a moonlit night in Port Elizabeth South Africa
As the great South African artist SAREJESS
sat in the middle of the street with his easel and canvas
and paintbrush and paints
(praying that no motorists would be driving down the street this late at night to abruptly and undoubtedly painfully put an end to his lunar nocturnal painting expedition)
and painted what he saw
He would paint this quiet tranquil scene
before the ghost of a brontosaurus showed up
and walked across the street
And before the ghost ship of THE ghost ship
The Flying Dutchman
appeared on the surface of the water
on the horizon in the distance
As he sat there painting the canvas,
he wondered whether his wife and family were right
to think he was crazy
And there at one moment in time
somewhere in time
sat Tefna
always anxiously sitting on the bed
always anxiously awaiting for the phone to ring
to bring her news of her love
Same place
Same time
Night after night
but no sound of a phone ringing
Only the sound of the Clock of Thoth ticking
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 14th
2019.
Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes: A Gothic Mythological Private Eye Poem
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin’ where they all disappeared…
It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane
Those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.
-Jimmy Buffett, August 1977.
The water nymph Ondine in a pre-Raphaelite painting
that Carson Cody Albion Private Eye gazed at on a wall
An immortal made immortal in stroke of brush and mixture on palette
And now he Carson Cody Albion who had been made immortal by Atargatis
Atargatis
would he too someday be immortalized in stroke of brush and mixture of palette
An immortal beyond time and space
captured on canvas in frame occupying a place on a wall
captured in paint by a particular person at a particular time and place
was this why infinity turned in on itself and formed a pair of loops
intersecting at a particular point in time and space?
And what of his painting?
Albion wondered to himself
Could his own sins and transgressions be transferred to his painted visage
As happened to Oscar Wilde’s hero of one Dorian Gray
in the Victorian dandy’s tale of gothic philosophical fiction?
In the same place California but at a different time over 75 years later
Dracul Van Helsing stumbled upon the aftermath of a child sacrifice to Baphomet
presided over by the state’s governor in an act of officially consecrating the state to the demons Baal and Baphomet
As moonbeams danced and sunflowers turned brown in the darkness of night and the crescent of a moon and the bloodbath following a baby’s screams at the hands of a World War II jerry’s insigniaed knife
Baphometa the daughter of Baphomet emerged
clutching her shoulder as if clutching a bloody wound
that was the sole remaining wound of the last vestige of whatever innocence she might have possessed
prior to participating in her first child sacrifice
Oh even daughters of demons stand wounded
when suddenly they come face to face with the dark side of their nature
when given their pedigree, surely the dark side was theirs by nature
but alas even for daughters of demons, darkness embraced and innocence lost
was not and should not be the lot of any of creation
since that dreaded day when the Light-Bearer ascended and became the Bearer of Darkness
An ascent that descended so rapidly
A light that burned so impenetrably it became the blackest of all darkness
Dracul rushed to embrace the distraught Baphometa
Leaving one to wonder could kindness and consolation drive the darkest darkness away?
Back 75 years, the real Ondine stood in front of Carson Cody Albion
Her hair colour had changed since the Pre-Raphaelite artist
had painted her picture in England in the 19th Century
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
What a change that can bring
Switch the time, switch the place
Switch the hair
By a stream of water, the hero in the Pre-Raphaelite painting
had lost the water nymph Ondine
By a fountain of water, Carson Cody Albion had found her
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Even H2O wasn’t the same everywhere
as ice and snow fell into the ocean
Below the cascading castles of clouds
Against a snowy backdrop, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora
stood with her two mastiffs in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania
Facing Interpol agent Peter Whitstable
Whitstable had heard the urban myths and legends and tales of mysterious black eyed children
and now he stood face to face with black eyed dogs
And they stood staring at him
If eyes be the mirror of the soul, then souls these two black eyed mastiffs did not have
But fortunately for Whitstable, he was not their target
The Russian Orthodox monk behind him was
Sent by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow
As an emissary to the Romanian Orthodox Church
to advise them to break communion with Constantinople
But such was not Theodora’s plan
And foolish mortals should not interfere with the best laid plans of vampiresses
Particularly one with black eyed mastiffs at her beck and call
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
From the mountain heights of Romania to the desert sands of Arabia
The Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula
strolling by the stream of the oasis palace of
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman
And she saw the Prince walk by
Book in hand
But the book he carried was not the Quran
But the Zohar
Most pre-eminent text in the Kabbalah
Tantric sex with Baphometa was called for
As Marvin Gaye sang Sexual Healing in the background
Dracul Van Helsing healed her
And Persephone the Queen of the Underworld waited for Dracul at sunset
at an Episcopal monastery in Santa Barbara
From the depths of Hades her husband’s realm
To the heights of Santa Barbara
Definitely changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
As Dracul and the Queen of the Underworld had tantric sex
And the Canadian vampire hunter made a cuckold of Zeus’ infernal brother
A pomegranate was crushed beneath the feet of the pair
And Persephone laughed, “Oh, Dracul,
if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”
-A vampire novel chapter
and gothic mythological
private eye poem
written by Christopher
Saturday January 12th
2019.
At The End of The Day: A Carson Cody Albion Private Eye Poem
At the end of the day, walking in an empty house
where gods and goddesses play
for this is Hollywood’s way
I’m not the one making the rules
I just follow them like most fools
No mortal may apply here
For the Silver Screen
is gateway to Eden’s lie
Thou shall not surely die
for you live forever on celluloid
where your soul goes is anyone’s guess
Just smile at the camera at your screen test
As Carson Cody Albion Private Eye walked the house,
these words echoed through his mind.
Persephone Queen of The Underworld waits at the bar with drink
A pomegranate liqueur perhaps, Mr.Albion?
She spoke with the purr of a cat and the splash of a fish.
Albion continued on.
Atargatis stood in the Asian room.
So mortal like.
So unmermaid like.
And surely no deadly siren call?
“Who should I rub for luck?” Atargatis sang, “The Buddha? Or you, Mr. Albion?”.
In the fireside room, Semiramis waited on leopardskin rug
while embers of long dead languages flickered off the log
that was a sideways leaning towering inferno of babel
“Come sit by the fire, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis purred, “and choose the cat you want to play with.”
Albion continued walking.
This time to the bedroom.
Where once again Persephone Queen of The Underworld was waiting for him
“Come in, Mr. Albion. Come in and explore my depths.”
-A private eye poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 7th
2019.
3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia
3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia
“Well, I’ve arrived back from Oxford,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friend Amadeus Emanon as he walked through the front door of the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where the Transhumanist parliamentarian lived.
He had a huge smile on his face as he walked through the door.
A week of blow jobs delivered by a group of sexy beautiful young female coeds at Oxford will do that to a guy.
“Did you hear about the 3 hours of total darkness over Russian Arctic Siberia in Siberia’s far north in the Russian republic of Yakutia (also called Sakha) last Friday July 20th?” Amadeus asked between mouthfuls of hot dogs 🌭.
“I heard about that while watching the BBC News App on my smart phone between mouthfuls of Desiderata performing oral healing and Lana performing oral healing,” Renfield replied with a smile 😀 brighter than the moon.
“What do you think caused that?” Amadeus asked as he spilled mustard, relish and ketchup all over his white dress shirt.
“Well, what I was told last Tuesday July 17th at Oxford in their safety deposit box room in their Archives might explain it,” Renfield blew his nose into his handkerchief emblazoned with the Whore of Babylon on it.
“And what were you told in that room?” Amadeus asked as he proceeded to wolf down 20 more hot dogs 🌭 despite the abstract painting the hot dog ingredients were now painting 🎨 on his white dress shirt.
“I’m sorry, I’m under oath not to reveal it,” Renfield replied.
“Shit, what a bummer!” Amadeus remarked as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had another vision of the Donald Trump-Vladimir Putin meeting as he meditated while performing yoga 🧘♀️ in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises lab 🔬.
. . .
As Pan Goatee was in the City of Calgary assassinating more of Justin Trudeau’s supporters in the city on orders of DARPA’s acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep as well as someone at the highest levels of the U.S. government, he was in a McDonald’s restaurant to try their new Australian 🇦🇺 Egg and Cheese Burger as part of their summer International Cuisine Menu.
It was then that he saw two ugly women sitting with some loser of a guy in a booth at the back of the restaurant.
One was a fat ugly blimp so Pan Goatee beheaded her first.
He then beheaded the thin ugly woman who was obviously visiting the city from out of town.
As for the loser male who was dating both women in the greatest horror film ménage a trois of all time, Pan Goatee pulled out a gun and blew his head off.
Pan returned to the front counter and cash register up front as a Rihanna lookalike wearing a short skirt walked through the front door and stood in line.
“Tie me kangaroo down, sport,” Pan Goatee happily sang as he picked up his Australian Egg and Cheese burger 🍔.
. . .
Amadeus Emanon noticed the combination French impressionistic and abstract Picasso cubist masterpiece he had on his previously white dress shirt.
Just then his smart phone went off.
Amadeus answered.
It was his girlfriend Angelique Dumont the New Orleans vampiress and songstress who worked in West London’s theatre district.
She had phoned to say that she wouldn’t be able to make their date tonight.
Amadeus felt relief as this shirt he was wearing was the only clean white dress shirt he had for their fancy restaurant dinner date that they had planned this evening.
Amadeus said, “Yes, definitely some other time.”
“So, why can’t Angelique make your date tonight?” Renfield asked as he returned from the kitchen where he had made himself a tuna fish sandwich.
“She ran into a woman the two of us met last Friday in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s office at Set Enterprises,” Amadeus explained, “The woman’s name is Panty Goatee and was recently genetically cloned in a DARPA lab. Apparently she was being forced to marry the Baphomet at a wedding on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem last Wednesday when she was rescued by a Black Jaguar. The Black Jaguar teleported both himself and Panty to Set Enterprises so that Dr. Cadbury Rocher could medically treat Miss Goatee for severe shock.
Anyways Panty Goatee underwent another shock last night when she had her first adult orgasm after she had encountered a blonde Adonis while sitting on the sidewalk steps of an entrance to a park. So Angelique is staying with her tonight.”
“Panty, what a most intriguing name,” Renfield wiped off his laptop screen with some tissues and a spray of Lemon 🍋 Pledge.
. . .
Persephone the Greek Goddess of the Underworld waits in a London cemetery as the midnight 🕛 hour approaches.
She’s awaiting the arrival of a blonde Adonis.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 25th
2018.
The Cat Who Ate Wolves For Breakfast (Plus Lunch and Supper)
The Russian Spetsnaz special forces who had parachuted into Kiev last Thursday under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith were werewolves.
They were a special type of werewolf.
Each soldier was a bodark werewolf.
A bodark is a person who wants to become a werewolf in Russia (as opposed to a a wawkalak who was just turned into a werewolf through the evil actions of the Devil).
To become a bodark, a person would run into a forest and stab a copper knife into a tree (while such an action might be pleasing to manufacturers of copper knives as well as those with huge investments in the copper industry, the undertaking doesn’t go over so well with Greenpeace and tree huggers everywhere).
While still holding on to the knife in the innocently stabbed tree, the would-be bodark is required to repeat this chant:
“On the sea, on the ocean, on the island, on Bujan,
On the empty pasture gleams the moon, on an ashstock lying
In a green wood, in a gloomy vale.
Toward the stock wandereth a shaggy wolf.
Horned cattle seeking for his sharp white fangs;
But the wolf enters not the forest,
But the wolf dives not into the shadowy vale,
Moon, moon, gold-horned moon,
Cheek the flight of bullets, blunt the hunters’ knives,
Break the shepherds’ cudgels,
Cast wild fear upon all cattle,
On men, on all creeping things,
That they may not catch the grey wolf,
That they may not rend his warm skin
My word is binding, more binding than sleep,
More binding than the promise of a hero!”
Once the tree has been stabbed and the incantation chanted (with Taylor Swift singing “Boys only want love if it’s torture” in the background), the person runs off into a forest and changes into a werewolf as he does so.
Once these Russian Spetsnaz special forces soldiers had become full-fledged grey wolf bodark werewolves, Vladimir Putin put these men under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a secret treaty he signed with her shortly after his 2014 annexation of Crimea.
Lilith’s Bodark Grey Wolf Squadron did not turn into werewolves during a full moon.
Instead they turned into werewolves after listening to an old Gramophone recording of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem in concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (under a never revealed protocol of the Tehran Conference that was held from November 28th to December 1st 1943, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir were secretly flown to Moscow on December 26th 1943 (thereby missing out on Utah Boxing Day sales) to make the recording in musical choral accompaniment with Josef Stalin.
As Lilith played the recording turning the Russian Spetsnaz special forces commandos into grey wolf bodark werewolves, another grey wolf was walking the streets of Kiev.
The grey wolf was none other than the ancient Germanic god Wotan’s mortal son Adolf Hitler.
He had been granted permission to leave the Underworld by Hades and Persephone after Thor paid a visit on Odin/Wotan’s behalf requesting that they do so.
The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf stopped in its tracks when it heard the voice of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem.
The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf visualized the Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula saying, “Listen to him, the constipated dictator of the night. What a racket he makes.”
When the Gramophone finished playing and the commandos became grey wolf bodark werewolves, they were immediately attacked and eaten by a giant black cat.
The name of the giant black cat was Amorous Laetitia (whose name had inspired the title of a recent papal document although the first name was spelled differently in the Apostolic Exhortation).
Amorous Laetitia was the name of the personal pet cat and familiar of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.
Hecate had recently been beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astrally projected laser machete while she was in her crone form.
The head had been taken to a New York City cryogenics lab but the lab had been broken into by Loki and Fenrir and Fenrir had eaten the head.
Since then, Amorous Laetitia had torn apart every wolf she had come across in hopes she’d find her mistress’ head.
When she didn’t find it, she just ate the rest of the disemboweled wolf,
After seeing the black cat Amorous Laetitia eat the Spetsnaz bodarks, the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf ran down an alley and entered a building for safety.
The building turned out to be Brodsky Synagogue which was Kiev’s largest.
The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf could not help but think that the gods of the universe were playing some sort of cosmic joke on him.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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