Yaldabaoth Meets Tiffany Twisted

October 15, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was having breakfast along with his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his singing, talking and dancing zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn in the small dining room of The Rip Van Winkle Inn.

Sitting across from them was a brain dead zombie “woke” and “culture cancelling” white liberal “yute” (which is the lawyer Cousin Vinnyish dialect pronounciation of the word “youth”).

The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was on holidays.

He had spent most of the summer rioting, looting, burning and vandalizing in the city of Portland Oregon in what Michelle Obama and the mainstream Marxist media call “peaceful protests”.

Now he decided to come to Sleepy Hollow in New York because he had always wanted to spend Halloween in Sleepy Hollow.

He wore a BLACK LIVES MATTER t-shirt.

Although that message obviously didn’t apply to cats since he had run over a black cat on the highway to get here.

The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was busy yacking away to his airheaded girlfriend (who had picked him up from the court house in Portland after the elected liberal Democrat Marxist inclined county prosecuter had dropped criminal charges against him for the umpteenth time these past few months).

“What books do you like to read?” He asked her.

“Well, I’m trying to start reading Harry Potter,” The airhead replied.

“Harry Potter?” The brain-dead zombie “woke” “yute” dropped his fork, “Don’t you know that J.K. Rowling is a bigot and a promoter of hatred for saying that a transgendered man shouldn’t be treated the same as a biologically born female?”.

“Excuse me, young fellow,” Yaldabaoth doffed his little green leprechaun hat to the “woke” “yute” and spoke politely in a soft Irish lilt, “But I happen to think you’re a stupid brainless asshole.”

“What?” The “woke” “yute” blinked, “You just called me a stupid brainless asshole.”

“That’s right,” Yaldabaoth grinned and nodded and then turned serious, “In my own home country of Ireland, there’s a case going on at the moment involving a trans who calls himself/herself/itself Barbie Kardashian. He was born Alejandro Gabriel Gentile but decided some years back that he was actually a woman in a man’s body. He’s currently 18 years old but already has a long history of violent and sexual assaults against women. Specifically against his female care home and social workers including a brutal 2018 attack on a woman whose eyes he tried to gouge out. Now he’s once again in jail on sexual assault charges. But the Limerick District Court operating under the European Union’s politically correct Human Rights Code is ordering him held at the Limerick County Women’s Prison since he self identifies as a woman. So you’ve now got a man with a long history of violence and sexual assault against women being locked up in a female only space. And all because the courts are following the suffocating totalitarian atmosophere of political correctness advocated by brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” SJWs (social justice warriors) assholes such as yourself instead of the common sense and logic advocated by great thinkers and great writers such as J.K. Rowling.”

Having been called a brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” asshole, the “woke” “yute”” asshole then crawled on to the floor into the fetal position which is exactly what an Antifa/BLM white liberal “yute” leader did when he found himself being arrested for the first time in Kenosha Wisconsin for “peacefuly rioting” as he had never been arrested in other American cities before for “peaceful rioting”.

The innkeeper whispered to Yaldabaoth, “Tiffany Twisted the woman who’s renting the room across from you would like to meet you.”

Yaldabaoth went upstairs and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Tiffany said in a soft sensual voice.

Yaldabaoth opened the door and came face to face with Tiffany Twisted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 15th
2020.

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San Diego Bishop Has Demons and Communist Ghosts On His Front Lawn

October 14, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Robert McElroy the brainless Catholic bishop of San Diego California was standing on his front lawn and shooting the breeze with the demons Baal and Baphomet as well as the ghosts of Lenin, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung.

Which was probably a dangerous thing to be doing.

Recently Mark J. Seitz the brainless Catholic bishop of El Paso Texas had likewise been standing on his front lawn and shooting the breeze with the demons Baal and Baphomet as well as the ghosts of Lenin, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung.

Days later he came down with the Covid-19 virus.

Comparing recipes for a 1000-year-old laid egg (also known as the U.S. Democratic Party Platform) with the late Chairman Mao was no guarantee this would make one immune to the CCP Wuhan virus.

Already Bishop McElroy could be seen coughing and sputtering and standing behind him was Thanatos Thanatotheristes Reaper of Death who was the patron demon of Covid-19.

Thanatos Thanatotheristes had the body of a giant mammalian bat but the head of a Thanatotheristes (which was a type of T-Rex).

Later the demon Baphomet had an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper (an interview that CNN producers decided not to show on television).

Cooper informed Baphomet, “I understand your half-brother is currently visiting America.”

“What?” Baphomet spit out his vegan soup, “What’s he doing here?”.

Meanwhile in the town of Sleepy Hollow New York, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was taking a walk with the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow to look at the autumn colours.

“I think I’d like to stay in Sleepy Hollow until Halloween,” Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman remarked through his Great Pumpkin jack o’ lantern head, “Things can get pretty exciting in Sleepy Hollow on Halloween.”

“Well seeing as how you and I and your horse Bucephalus Reborn and my pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius are the only guests who seem to be staying in Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn at the moment, I’m sure we can keep our rooms over until Halloween.”

“You’re right,” the Headless Horseman grinned 🎃, “Let’s go tell the innkeeper.”

Back at the inn, the innkeeper (who at one time in his life had been the proprieter of the Hotel California) was examining the Mercedes Benz car that had just pulled up driven by a lovely and beautiful witch.

“What did you say your name was again?” The innkeeper inquired.

“Tiffany Twisted,” the drop dead gorgeous witch smiled.

“Haven’t we met before?” The innkeeper blinked.

She smiled her white ivories at him, “Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget.”

She took the keys to her room which would be across from Yaldabaoth’s.

She walked up the inn stairs in her short black skirt and sexy black silk nylons.

Then she turned around and smiled at the innkeeper, “You obviously danced to forget.”

She continued up the stairs while the innkeeper scratched his head and continued to wonder where he had seen her before.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 14th
2020.

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It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!

October 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.

Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.

He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.

Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.

Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.

However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.

All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.

ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.

The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.

Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).

Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.

When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.

The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”

An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.

Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.

Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.

Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.

Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.

Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).

They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.

As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.

Yaldabaoth began to sing,

The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.


The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.

They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.

As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,

I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.

With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.

And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.

When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.

The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.

“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.

He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.

The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.

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