Pan Goatee’s Saturday The 14th

July 14, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Saturday The 14th

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the City of Calgary this time to bump off the President of the meatpacking plant company that was owned by Southern Alberta cattle baron, Canadian Federal Liberal Party financier and enthusiastic Justin Trudeau supporter Flyen High a southern Alberta cattle baron who was said to have fed marijuana plants 🌱 to his beef cattle.

A few weeks ago, Pan Goatee had bumped off Flyen High and his death was announced by a tearful CBC news anchorman Peter Mansbridge on The National on CBC News.

Pan Goatee visited the grave of Flyen High in a Calgary cemetery and noticed that marijuana plants were already growing on it.

The epitaph on Flyen High’s tombstone read “Truly a great Canadian and a great Albertan”
-Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Pan Goatee was now in the neighbourhood where the President of the Meatpacking plant Flyen High Packers Company Mr. Token Potts lived.

Pan Goatee was feeling hungry so he decided to go to a nearby shopping mall and visited their food court.

He ordered a submarine sandwich from Subway in the food court.

As he sat there enjoying his Pulled Pork submarine sandwich, a fat ugly blimp appeared at the Subway counter and ordered a sub.

Goatee was about to reach for his laser machete to cut her head off when he remembered something that DARPA acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep had said to him when he assigned the satyr serial killer and DARPA assassin Pan Goatee his mission (which had been ordered by a person at the top of the highest levels of the U.S. government who could be heard declining another portion of that “wretched Scottish haggis” in the background).

“Please do not call attention to yourself until you complete this mission,” Dr. Faustus Imhotep had requested.

Reluctantly Pan Goatee put his astral laser machete back in his belt holster.

He finished his submarine but was still feeling hungry.

He decided to go into a McDonald’s at the other end of the shopping mall parking lot and order a Big Mac.

As he walked towards the McDonald’s, he suddenly noticed the same fat ugly blimp (who was carrying a Subway bag) enter the McDonald’s.

“What!” Goatee shouted, “How did that fat ugly blimp get ahead of me. She must be demonically possessed somehow. Like all fat ugly blimps seem to be. She probably took that demonically inspired A Course In Miracles that’s recommended by that New Age airhead Oprah Winfrey.”

Pan Goatee then went around to the back of the McDonald’s restaurant building and cut a hole through the bricks with his astral laser machete.

“Surprise City of Calgary Health Department inspection,” Pan Goatee flashed a toy Western Sheriff’s badge (that he had purchased in a Dollar Variety Store) to the surprised McDonald’s manager and cooks as he walked into the kitchen from the newly created back entrance.

“Everything looks fine,” Goatee said as he passed the burgers 🍔 and fries 🍟, “but no fat ugly blimps allowed on the premises.”

He immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp who was carrying the Subway bag.

He ordered a Big Mac and sat down.

He was enthusiastically asked for autographs by a group of Japanese children and teenagers who were in town visiting the Calgary Stampede rodeo which the pleasantly good natured satyr serial killer cheerfully obliged signing.

A little girl came and sat across from him after the Japanese tourists left.

Soon she was joined by her mother who turned out to be a fat ugly blimp.

Goatee immediately beheaded the woman.

He then beheaded her daughter as well.

“Just on the off chance she grows up to be a fat ugly blimp,” Goatee explained to a shocked couple of senior citizens sitting at a table, “alas for poor Oprah there goes another potential purchaser of A Course In Miracles.”

Goatee then spotted another fat ugly blimp by the customer pop machine but decided to spare this particular abomination from Hell as he decided to follow Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s advice about not drawing attention to himself.

Goatee went out the door where he walked to a bus stop 🚏 to catch the bus that went past Token Potts’ house.

Fortunately the only person standing there was a woman who looked like she could pass for a double of Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai.

Having those looks, the woman’s life was spared by Pan Goatee.

As Pan Goatee looked in the direction the bus would be coming, his eyesight was suddenly assaulted by the visual appearance of the fat ugly blimp whose life he had spared by the pop machine inside McDonald’s.

“Oh shit!” Goatee shouted, “That’s what I get for being a nice guy!”.

He then pulled out his astral laser machete, ran down the street and beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

When he returned to the bus stop, the Aishwarya Rai lookalike was busy talking on her mobile phone so she did not notice the satyr’s uglocide.

“That’s good,” Goatee smiled, “maybe I should ask her for a date. Good thing she didn’t notice that. There are a few women out there who are reluctant to date serial killers.”

. . .

Donald Trump was enjoying a steaming dish of freshly caught wild Scottish brown trout after a day spent on his golf course in Scotland.

“This is excellent, Lexington,” Trump remarked to his English valet and butler.

“Thank you, sir,” Lexington replied.

“You know I’ve been thinking tonight about Manifest Destiny,” Trump combed his toupee in the style of Julius Caesar’s haircut.

“Yours, sir?” Lexington sighed.

“No, America’s,” Trump remarked, “The vision of Manifest Destiny by America’s founders not only entailed an America stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific but an America stretching from the Gulf of Mexico to the Arctic Ocean as well. So I really think I should order the invasion and annexation of Canada.
It will also help put an end to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s idiotic policy of allowing more Muslim immigrants into Canada which puts more Muslims on our borders as well.”

“Invade and annex Canada?” Lexington as a British subject was genuinely shocked.

“Why not? After all, Hitler invaded and annexed Austria in 1938,” Trump pointed out, “And what’s good enough for Adolf Hitler is good enough for me.”

. . .

As Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ordered the hammering of Hamas positions in the Gaza Strip, a black jaguar strolled across the Temple Mount.

The Black Jaguar contained the spirit of a powerful sorcerer as well as the spirit of Night Sun the Jaguar God of the Mayan Underworld.

Baphomet (the living embodiment of the idol of the Knights-Templar) stood on the Temple Mount and shouted, “Hail to the Black Jaguar.”

The Black Jaguar smiled.

Full scale war all over the Middle East would soon be breaking out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 14th
2018.

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Justin Trudeau, Donald Trump and The ET Gray Gali-Gula From Nibiru

June 10, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Justin Trudeau, Donald Trump and The ET Gray Gali-Gula From Nibiru

On the television in Canadian living rooms was a rare sight- CBC News Anchorman Peter Mansbridge.

Peter Mansbridge: Hi, I’m Peter Mansbridge. You may remember me as a long time CBC News anchorman from many years ago. You haven’t seen me for a while and no doubt thought I was dead. Well I was. But voodoo practicing strategists for the U. S. Democratic Party have brought me back from the dead on condition I go down to the U.S. and vote 🗳 for Hillary Clinton in the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential primaries.
In the meantime, I’ll occasionally appear on The National so you don’t think my career is as dead as the dodo bird 🐦.
In the news tonight, Alberta cattle baron and long time Canadian Federal Liberal Party fundraiser and fanatical Justin Trudeau supporter Flyen High was found dead in his hotel room in Calgary last night.
He was apparently killed by a fast acting Amazon poison dart that was fired into his neck.
Police however do not believe that the dart was fired from an Amazon blow gun (since Amazon is not allowed to sell poison dart blow guns in Canada unlike the U. S. where Americans’ right to blow is defended by both the NRA and leading adult female porn star Felicity Fellatio).
Also apparently the guest in the room next door distinctly heard Henry Mancini’s Moon River being played on Greek pan pipes.
This was followed by a loud scream in which a gravel sounding elderly male voice said that his high school sweetheart had broken up with him while they were watching the 1961 film Breakfast At Tiffany’s.
The scream was then followed by a loud thud as of a body falling to the floor.
When hotel security and the 101-year-old bell boy entered the room, Mr. Flyen High’s body was found on the bedroom floor with an Amazon tribesman’s poison dart found lodged in his neck.
Calgary police believe that the Amazon blow dart was fired by the same Greek pan pipes that were playing Moon River only moments before.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau tweeted that both he and the Federal Liberal Party treasurer were “very saddened by Mr. Flyen High’s death.”
Meanwhile the nation’s most expert political commentators in the cities of Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal are still baffled why an Albertan like Mr. Flyen High was such an enthusiastic Justin Trudeau supporter in a province where the Trudeau family name is considered anathema by most Albertans.
Meanwhile Calgary police report that 300 plastic bags of non-medicinal marijuana (with Mr. Flyen High’s fingerprints all over them) were found underneath the cattle baron’s hotel room mattress.
This was strange in lieu of the fact that Mr. Justin Trudeau’s law legalizing the use of recreational marijuana doesn’t become legal until July 1st this year.

. . .

What had transpired the past 24 hours:

Justin Trudeau (at post G-7 Summit press conference addressing the issue of Donald Trump’s temper tantrums during the Summit):

“Canadians are polite and reasonable but we will also not be pushed around.”

Donald Trump (on plane ✈️ en route to Singapore 🇸🇬 and throwing a temper tantrum on hearing Justin Trudeau’s remarks): “Well, Lexington (speaking to his butler and valet), I’m not polite, I’m not reasonable but I also won’t be pushed around either.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was walking through his greenhouse when he caught a whiff of pot smoke 💨 which was being exhaled by his Dr. Cadbury Rocher developed genetic hybrid marijuana smoking cactus 🌵 plant.

Upon inhaling the smoke, he immediately saw Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru (whose alien 👽 body was possessed by the spirit of the ancient Earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) that he always saw every time he inhaled marijuana smoke 💨.

“Good God,” shouted Justin, “Not you again.”

“You know I remember during the days I was the Emperor Gaius Caligula, I always wanted to be worshiped as a god,” Gali-Gula stared dreamily into the night sky shining through the clear roof of the greenhouse.

“Well, then,” Justin retorted,” why don’t you use your divine omniscience and tell me what I can do about Donald Trump?”.

“Why don’t you get your Praetorian Guard to bump him off?” Gali-Gula suggested.

“I don’t have a Praetorian Guard,” Justin Trudeau answered.

“Pity,” Gali-Gula remarked as he drank a cup of Red Rose tea which was available only in Canada 🇨🇦.

“I’m beginning to think so,” Justin Trudeau agreed and then suddenly remembered something his father once told him, “Say, weren’t you yourself once bumped off by your own Praetorian Guard?”.

Gali-Gula immediately spit out a mouthful of Red Rose tea ☕️ which immediately extinguished the smoke from the marijuana smoking cactus’ marijuana cigarette much to the former desert plant’s annoyance.

“I try,” Gali-Gula wiped his mouth, “to forget that particular bit of ancient Roman and personal life history.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 10th
2018.

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