The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee

September 4, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was smoking a cigar and drinking brandy and eating tuna fish sandwiches in his office and trying to think up hundreds of amendments to give to pro-Brexit peers in the House of Lords in order to delay passage of the bill forbidding a no-deal Brexit until Parliament was suspended next week.

Among the amendments Renfield had come up with for the bill was a demand that the EU should change the European Union anthem from the tune and lyrics of Beethoven’s Song of Joy to the tune and lyrics of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus song How Sweet To Be An Idiot.

Another amendment was a demand that the EU must pay for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn’s gender reassignment surgery in Sweden and also donate a portion of the European Union’s Research and Development Budget to allocate funds to see if it was scientifically possible for Jeremy Corbyn to grow himself a pair of testicles.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee.

For the past few days, there were reports of the sighting of a Kraken rising from the Sea of Galilee.

Whitstable had heard it on good authority (from the Greek sea god Poseidon no less) that Zeus had recently ordered his Kraken to be released upon the world.

Whitstable was walking the shores of Galilee to see if this was Zeus’ kraken who was rising from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.

Suddenly there were huge screams coming from along the shores.

Whitstable looked and up rose from the waters a giant kraken with 8 huge gigantic legs covered in huge gigantic tentacles.

Even more terrifying was the head of the kraken.

For the head was not an octopus head.

Rather it was the head of the supposedly dead perverted billionaire financier and possible Mossad operative Jeffrey Epstein.

The Jeffraken had risen from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.

. . .

Dashwood Forrest was getting a visit from the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.

Donegal was carrying news from Persephone the Greek goddess Queen of the Underworld.

Persephone was feeling guilty over something her husband Hades had done.

Hades had recently released from the realm of the dead the ghost of Captain Rainbow Beard the most infamous and bloodthirsty pirate ever to sail the 7 Seas.

Captain Rainbow Beard made the pirate Blackbeard and the notorious wife murderer Bluebeard look like Boy Scouts by comparison.

Captain Rainbow Beard was a devout worshipper of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

His human sacrifices and degenerate perverted orgies were the stuff of pirate lore.

Today he’d probably be considered the leading candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020 to run against Donald Trump the personal and favoured choice of the demons Mammon and Mephistopheles.

Apparently Captain Rainbow Beard was still bitter about the only defeat he had ever suffered as a pirate- the Battle of the Bahamas.

A battle which would turn out to be Captain Rainbow Beard’s last- for he was killed in that battle.

Rainbow Beard’s opponents in that battle were Captain Kerry Donegal himself and the 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson (who was turned into a vampiress shortly after that battle).

All the while he was roasting away on his spit in Tartarus (as his rear end was sodomized by a goat), Captain Rainbow Beard swore vengeance on the Bahamas- the area of the world where he was defeated and killed.

One day the god Hades was walking by and challenged him to a poker game.

Hades lost.

The price for losing was that Rainbow Beard was freed from his spit (and his rear end was freed from the goat) and someday the pirate would be allowed to leave the Underworld for the world above.

When Rainbow Beard heard news of the storm Dorian forming in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa and the possibility it might become a hurricane, the insidious pirate set off in search of the notorious Victorian era libertine Dorian Gray (whom Oscar Wilde had once written a book about) that he had once encountered in the flames of Tartarus.

Rainbow Beard gave Gray some Hellish hashish (which would make him more susceptible to the pirate’s hypnotic powers of suggestion) and also fed him some of the Philistine giant Goliath’s blood making him rapidly increase in stature and height.

Rainbow Beard then went to see Hades and the infernal deity granted the pirate and Dorian Gray permission to leave the Underworld.

Rainbow Beard got the now giant Dorian Gray to enter the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian and cause massive chaos and havoc when it hit the Bahamas- site of Captain Rainbow Beard’s massive defeat centuries earlier.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 4th
2019.

The 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson now a vampiress

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Hades Emergency Meeting

July 29, 2019 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Hades Emergency Meeting

“Ugly looking female teen stoat/ human hybrids grow up to be ugly looking adult female stoat/human hybrids,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded the ugly looking female stoat/human hybrid as she was riding a bicycle down the street.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, the Greek god Hades (who was known as Pluto to the ancient Romans) was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the huge number of repulsive looking spirits that were showing up daily from Calgary to cross the River Styx over to the Underworld.

Said a phlegmatic Phlegyas (who was extra phlegmatic this morning because he had eaten a full English breakfast as opposed to his usual continental breakfast), “We’re having to have orangutans wearing special darkened glass visors (whereby they see the shades of the dead as mere shades) hand out paper bags at the ferry docks for Charon’s boat to any Caucasian female soul arriving from Calgary on the high probability that they’re quite repulsively ugly. They are instructed to put the paper bags over their heads for the crossing across the river Styx. This is to prevent the occurrence of unstoppable vomiting on the part of both Charon the ferryman and Cerberus the 3-headed dog (all of whose 3 heads immediately start vomiting simultaneously) upon seeing the said hideous spirits.”

“Hopefully this will put an end to the problem,” said Hades.

“Until Pan Goatee manages to find the sinister Nazi criminal network responsible for breeding a certain type of brainless male with female walruses, stoats and gargoyles that’s producing these hideous looking hybrids by the thousands in that poor city,” Phlegyas coughed up more phlegm.

Meanwhile on the Caribbean Island of Little Saint James (owned by Jeffrey Epstein), the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc (666 meters tall) was strolling across the island accompanied by a Haitian voodoo high priest Samedi.

Uhluhtc stood on one spot and grunted.

Samedi waved to one of the island employees who no doubt lived on the nearby island of Saint Thomas.

Samedi spoke to the island employee, “The Great Kraken says that while he lived in the depths of the Caribbean, he had a vision of a great Temple that stood on this spot. The Temple was guarded by two small statues of owl wearing goddesses. He wonders what happened to this Temple.”

“It was torn down a while ago,” the employee answered.

Uhluhtc once again grunted.

“What did he say?” The employee inquired.

“He said merde,” Samedi answered.

Meanwhile in New York City, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his hotel room where he was receiving information about much bizarre occurrences occurring across the world the past few days.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had been spotted on a Florida golf course this past weekend drinking a bottle of Dalmore Port Wood Reserve single malt whisky and slaying a bunch of country club Republicans on the golf course with his bow and arrow.

Meanwhile in Vienna, the infernal Underworld centaur Acheronus had been seen killing diplomats with his bow and arrow at various hotels across the city.

In Canada, reports of the ghost of Albert Johnson (the man they called The Mad Trapper of Rat River) had been seen at various locales in Canada.

Johnson (who had killed 3 people) had eluded the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for more than a month in a massive manhunt that stretched across the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory in northern Canada.

Johnson was killed on the Eagle River in Yukon on February 17th 1932.

Johnson’s ghost had been spotted in northern British Columbia, northern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba.

After talking with a psychic friend of his, Whitstable was told that Johnson’s ghost was headed for the town of Lucan Biddulph in southwestern Ontario.

Whitstable was also told by the psychic that the Egyptian god Thoth was currently in the town.

“What the Hell,” Whitstable wondered, “is Thoth doing in Lucan, Ontario?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 29th
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

July 27, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.

Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.

“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.

“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.

Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.

Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.

Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”

Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.

But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.

In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.

Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.

Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.

And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”

Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.

. . .

“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.

“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.

“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”

“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”

“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”

“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.

“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”

Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.

“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”

“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.

What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.

Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.

So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.

The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.

He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.

Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.

The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.

“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.

“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.

“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”

“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.

“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”

“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.

“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”

“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.

“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.

Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.

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Peter Whitstable and The Killer Seaweed

May 14, 2019 at 9:22 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Peter Whitstable had left Passau, Bavaria.

He had no reason to believe that the crossbow murders in the town were the handiwork of the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos.

He headed down to Marseille, France where he had heard reports of a large bunch of seaweed that had crawled off the bottom of a boat and was now going around eating people.

A human-eating piece of seaweed would definitely fall under his jurisdiction of paranormal and unusual investigations.

As he crossed the border from Germany into France, he got a report on his mobile phone that the satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded and bodily dismembered an ugly looking girl and her father.

“Pan Goatee’s aesthetic eugenics at work again,” Whitstable thought to himself.

On the plus side as far as Whitstable was concerned, Pan Goatee had also beheaded and dismembered a notorious German pedophile Helmut Troost who was wanted for sex crimes on six continents.

“The world is well rid of such sewage infested scumbags,” Whitstable thought as he pulled into a petrol station to buy gas.

When he reached Marseille, he pulled into a police station to see what information they had on a human-eating seaweed plant.

Apparently the piece of seaweed was currently seen devouring people throughout the Vieux Port (Old Port) of Marseille.

Whitstable rushed down to the Old Port having borrowed one of the Marseille traffic patrol’s motor scooters.

He arrived to see a group of fishermen being devoured by the seaweed.

“How horrible!” An old trader on the dockside screamed.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” a retired sea captain remarked as he calmly smoked his pipe.

“My vegan girlfriend is always trying to get me to eat seaweed,” a university student on a sightseeing tour of Europe remarked, “I don’t think I’ll do it now. You just never know what the seaweed itself has been eating.”

In the distant waters, a conch seashell horn could be heard being blown.

The seaweed turned in the direction of the conch horn and swam out to sea.

“Will it be back?” A fishmonger asked Whitstable.

“I have no idea,” the Interpol operative replied.

“Just another day in Marseille,” the retired sea captain put some more tobacco in his pipe.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 14th
2019.

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The Mysterious Bavarian Crossbow Murders

May 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was investigating some mysterious murders committed with a crossbow in Bavaria.

The strange deaths happened in a rural hotel near the Bavarian town of Passau.

Two women and a man were found in bed impaled with several arrows.

Whitstable had been brought in to investigate on the off chance that the crossbow killer was the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos in which case such a paranormal killer would fall under Whitstable’s jurisdiction.

Whitstable had just read a text message on his smart phone that satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded the ugly female manager of the store where the homicidally uglocidally incined half-man half-goat did his grocery shopping.

“I can’t believe,” Whitstable shook his head, “that the owners of the store would be so stupid as to hire an ugly looking woman as a manager at the place where Goatee does his grocery shopping.”

Oh well, Whitstable reflected, Calgary cowboys were famous for the fancy spurs on their cowboy boots and their bull legged way of walking not for their brains.

Getting back to the case at hand, Whitstable was not positive that Cernunnos was responsible for the crossbow murders at the hotel in Bavaria.

Cernunnos first appeared on the Interpol radar as a crossbow killer a couple of years ago when he shot and killed a group of wealthy hunters in the United Kingdom who were on an illegal deer hunt.

Then on a freelance mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield last year, Cernunnos had used his crossbow to fire a poisoned arrow into the testicles of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith hadn’t been on the scene to immediately suck the poison out, the Russian leader would have died.

Afterwards Lilith took her blue evening dress to a steam dry laundry cleaner in Moscow which boasted of its superiority to steam dry laundry cleaners in Washington DC.

So far, other than the fact that the murders were done by crossbow, there was little to connect Cernunnos to this particular crime.

. . .

In the corridors of the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was discussing an Israeli government document with another Cardinal.

“Does Netanyahu really intend to go ahead with this?” Salaman asked the other Cardinal.

“Netanyahu thinks he can count on the unqualified support of Donald Trump,” the other Cardinal answered.

Just then, a being who was part man and part deer having a large set of stag horns and antlers on his head and wearing a mask over his eyes came walking down the halls of the Vatican carrying a crossbow and arrow.

The crossbow carrying being with stag horns fired an arrow at the Cardinal standing next to Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

“Oh, I am slain,” the Cardinal said as he keeled over.

“You certainly are,” Cardinal Salaman remarked as the man died in his arms.

The crossbow carrying deer/man ran off as distant pan pipes played the melody Tomorrow Belongs To Me from the musical Cabaret.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 13th
2019.

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Robert Mueller, Interpol’s Mulder and The Red Dragon Banner

March 23, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yesterday U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had presented his report on possible Russian state-Trump campaign collusion to the U.S. Attorney-General’s Department.

Now both the Trump White House and Democrats in the U.S. Congress were anxious to get their hands on the report.

As such, both the Norse trickster god Loki and the native American indigenous trickster spirit Coyote had joined forces and were working overtime to ensure that the words and conclusions of the copy of the Mueller report that Donald Trump received were vastly different from the words and conclusions of the copy of the Mueller report that Sen. Chuck Schumer and Rep. Nancy Pelosi received.

As such when all the parties issued their respective tweets and press conferences on the subject, that should really set off fireworks all around.

CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times would accuse Trump of lying and misrepresenting the report.

And Fox News, Breitbart and The National Enquirer would accuse Schumer and Pelosi of lying and misrepresenting the report.

And both the National Rifle Association and Planned Parenthood would issue statements that no killings whatsoever happen in America.

And Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Kim Jong-un would hold an emergency summit in which the 3 leaders would come to the conclusion that the United States of America as a whole was collectively insane and possibly should be collectively euthanized for the sake of planet Earth.

. . .

Peter Whitstable was the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

In his investigation of all things paranormal and occult, it had come to his attention that the singer Beyonce might possibly be descended from Marie Laveau the famous Voodoo Queen of New Orleans.

And as Whitstable sat in The Blue Lantern Chinese Restaurant in Los Angeles – an historic landmark famous because an LA private eye had once made out with an LA high society debutante in public in the booth right next to the Smiling Buddha there (the story was the Buddha’s smile grew even wider after he had watched the encounter) back in 1941- he noticed Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z enter the restaurant.

This was Whitstable’s chance to ask the singer in person.

“Excuse me, Miss Beyonce,” he approached the beautiful musical superstar, “I was wondering if you could tell me if you’re descended from Marie Laveau the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans.”

As Jay-Z scowled, Beyonce raised her right foot and with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe kicked the Interpol operative right out the door.

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who was sitting at the table facing the Smiling Buddha swore that the Smiling Buddha’s smile grew wider yet again at the sight of the singer’s slit skirted and black silk pantyhose kick.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Jerusalem.

As he had been wrestling in bed with the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis for control of Maximilien Robespierre’s little black book in a New York City apartment back in 1939, his pet blue eyed white wolf had grabbed the book in its jaws and brought it to this current year of 2019.

The book contained a prophecy given by a clairvoyant prostitute (who had once dressed up as the Goddess of Reason in a worship ceremony held in Notre Dame Cathedral shortly after the French Revolution) that Robespierre had written down in the book.

The prophecy was about the Golan Heights in the year 2019.

The prophecy said that “the blood of the giant progeny of the Nephilim to be found in the ground below the Heights would bring great wealth to those who owned it”.

And of course Donald Trump had just recognized Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights.

And the company that had been given exclusive drilling rights to the oil and gas underneath the Golan Heights was a company called Genie Energy.

Genie of course was the English equivalent of djinn in Islamic tradition – supernatural entities created out of “smokeless fire” who are able to eat and drink and also have children like humans but were much faster and stronger than humans.

Some scholars wondered whether the djinn were not the same as the Nephilim -supernatural Watchers of planet Earth – who were mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and the 1st Book of Enoch.

Sitting on the Board of Advisors of Genie Energy were such notables as Baron Jacob Rothschild, former Vice-President Dick Cheney, Rupert Murdoch, former Energy Secretary Bill Richardson and Ira Greenstein (a close business associate of Jared Kushner’s family) who was the former President of Genie Energy as well as a former legal advisor to President Donald Trump.

Van Helsing was in Jerusalem to check out the claims.

He had with him in his hotel room the Red Dragon Banner a special dragon standard flag (that sported a scarlet red dragon against a black background) that had belonged to his ancestor King Arthur.

The dragon was able to miraculously breathe fire in battle when called upon.

Van Helsing figured it might be needed in these times.

The Canadian vampire hunter was in a Jerusalem warehouse there to meet with a woman who was a direct descendant of the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon.

When he saw her, Van Helsing’s smile was wider than that of the Smiling Buddha in the Blue Lantern Chinese Restaurant in Los Angeles.

A woman who was the direct descendant of the Queen of Sheba.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 23rd
2019.

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New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party

January 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.

The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.

King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.

“How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.

The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.

Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.

Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.

The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.

With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.

Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.

Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.

She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.

Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.

Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.

So he looked up.

Whitstable gasped.

The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.

A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.

A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.

“Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.

The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.

A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 27th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.

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Winter Solstice: Just Another Day Between Hades and Paradise

December 21, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora stood alongside her classic car on a country road not far from Kiev, Ukraine.

She was to meet here with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to prevent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from assasinating the new independent Ukrainian Orthodox Church Metropolitan Epiphany of Kiev on Vladimir Putin’s orders.

When Dracul arrived on the scene and noticed the lovely sexy mini dress wearing vampiress and her beautiful classic car and how spacious the back seat of the vehicle was, Dracul looked at his antique watch which was powered by moonlight (the watch had been a joint invention by Faberge and Dr. Louis Rocher who had been Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great grandfather) and said to Theodora, “I think we have time to make out before Svetlana arrives at the monastery.”

Theodora stood to her full height on her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and adjusted her dress strap (allowing Dracul a magnificent view of her magnificent knockers) and said, “Oh yes, you’re the famous tantric sex practising vampire slayer, aren’t you?”.

Soon Dracul and the vampiress Theodora were in the back seat of the classic car and steaming up the vehicle’s back windows with their various Kama Sutra positions while the full moon rose and the wolf bane bloomed while a pure hearted man said his prayers and a meteor shower lit up the sky.

. . .


The reincarnated Hound of the Baskervilles wagged his tail and strolled and drooled his way through the English countryside while being followed by sinister looking soldiers dressed in shadow black who had piercing grayish green translucent eyes.

“Who are those soldiers?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol asked the Church of England’s most pre-eminent Anglo-Catholic Exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was the Vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church near the town of Tewkesbury.

“Demons,” Father Aidan answered, “although they are demons who claim to be aliens from outer space. That’s the deception demons have been carrying on ever since Jack Parsons (founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena California) and L. Ron Hubbard (future founder of the Church of Scientology) performed the Aleister Crowley inspired Babalon Working series of magic rituals from January to March 1946. The incident at Roswell New Mexico happened a year and a half later, U.S. Air Force pilots spotted dozens of UFO flying saucers flying over Mount Shasta in Washington state and thousands of UFO sightings and even alien abduction of human stories have been happening ever since.”

“But they’re actually demons?” Whitstable raised an eyebrow.

“Demons always cater to the beliefs of their age in terms of their appearance and expertise,” Father Aidan explained, “since the end of the First World War, humanity gradually turned from belief in the Supernatural to belief in science and technology to save the world. And demons adjusted themselves accordingly. They no longer posed as fairies or djinn but beings from other solar systems and other galaxies.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable who wondered what David Duchovny’s Fox Mulder would think of all this.

“Some exorcist theologians think this particular demonic deception is the great deception that was foreseen by Paul in his II Thessalonians epistle,” Father Aidan explained.

He went on, “In their dealings with the Grey Green lobby in the Jesuit order (those Jesuits who run the VATT astronomical observatory on Mount Graham in Arizona) and the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican, these demons posing as aliens told them that humanity was actually created by aliens from another galaxy who operated on the DNA of hominids on the planet and changed them and they became human. That’s what they told the scientists behind CERN as well. So they’re opening up portals at CERN to get in touch with their allegedly alien creators. Supposedly the aliens will be returning soon to save the planet from ecological destruction caused by man. Another reason besides standing up to the Gay Lavender Mafia in the Vatican why Pope Benedict XVI had to go. Benedict wondered whether those aliens were not in fact demons as prophesied in Scripture as part of the Great Deception and also talked about in the Virgin Mary’s appearances at Fatima, Porugal in 1917. So the Grey Green Jesuits and the Saint Gallen Mafia forced Benedict to resign and brought in one of their own- Pope Francis. That’s why Pope Francis has continously talked about baptising aliens and ETs since the start of his pontificate. He knows they’re coming. What he doesn’t know is they’re actually demons posing as aliens from other worlds and other star systems. But then for a Pope who doesn’t really believe in Hell, why should demons be a threat?”.

. . .

Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician and Canaanite mermaid goddess Atargatis (the mother of Semiramis who was the Whore of Babylon) was walking the streets in a suburb of East Jerusalem.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 21st
2018.

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The Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria In London

November 14, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Both Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had been called to the Scotland Yard offices in London by Inspector Depp (no relation as far as he knew to Johnny) of Scotland Yard.

They were asked to come question a suspect.

The man who was with the suspect when she was arrested -undersea explorer Louis Alphonse Cousteau (a great nephew of famed 20th Century undersea explorer Jacques Yves Cousteau) claimed the woman was 3000 years old (even though she didn’t look a day over 24) and had recently been brought back from the dead after being found in a waterproof glass coffin in the sunken city of Mu on the sunken continent of Lemuria which he said he had recently found at the bottom of the South Pacific Ocean.

Louis Alphonse Cousteau was currently undergoing psychiatric assessment by famous Welsh psychiatrist Morgana Jones who had her offices in London.

The woman who claimed to be the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria had so far put 20 policemen in hospital when they had gone into the interrogation room to question her.

Rather than going in to interrogate her himself, Inspector Depp (a man once described by Sherlock Holmes’ immortal twin sister the noted London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes as the 21st Century Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard) had bravely phoned Van Helsing and Whitstable and bravely suggested they come down and interrogate her.

While looking through the glass at the Dragon Warrioress in the interrogation room, Van Helsing asked Depp, “What’s she been charged with?”.

“Assaulting a Member of Parliament,” was Depp’s reply.

Van Helsing noticed the dress she was wearing in the mug shot after she had been arrested (and the same dress she was currently wearing in the interrogation room) and asked, “And that Member of Parliament wouldn’t have been one Renfield R. Renfield by any chance?”.

“My God, Van Helsing, how could you possibly know…” Depp was astounded.

Van Helsing interrupted, “And I suppose the reason for the assault was that Renfield approached her and asked her out on a date?”.

“Your methods of deduction always amaze me, Van Helsing,” the Inspector was flabbergasted.

“Elementary, my dear Watson… I mean… my dear Depp,” Van Helsing replied.

Whitstable looked at the Dragon Warrioress through the glass into the interrogation room.

“Well, Dracul,” Whitstable asked, “who’s going in?”

Van Helsing followed Peter Whitstable’s gaze and looked at the Dragon Warrioress Princess behind the glass.

Van Helsing lit himself a cigarette and in a calm voice replied,

“I’m going in.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 14th
2018.

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Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

July 15, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked after watching Infowars Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones on YouTube on his laptop, “This Alex Jones is an idiot for calling New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Communist. The man doesn’t seem to know the difference between a Communist and a Eurosocialist.”

“And then of course,” Amadeus Emanon remarked in reply, “There’s British television interviewer Piers Morgan who’s an idiot for not knowing that journalist Ash Sarkar is a Communist when everyone else in Britain knows that Ash Sarkar is a self admitted Communist.”

“That was pretty funny,” Renfield smiled, “when pompous Piers said to her “You talk like a Communist” and Ash replied, “I am a Communist, you idiot.” “

. . .

Vladimir Putin lay down to rest.

Today he awarded the 2018 FIFA World Cup to France 🇫🇷.

Tomorrow he’d be meeting America’s Twitterer-In-Chief Donald Trump.

As Putin lay on his pillow, a raven flew in through the window and cried, “Beware the Lobsters of July!
Beware the Lobsters of July!”.

A bust of Pallas Athena fell off his bedroom writing table.

And a leather bound old volume copy of The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe fell off his book shelf.

The raven turned and flew out the window.

“What the Hell,” Putin wondered, “does that mean?”.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was trekking through the English countryside.

A pair of demonically possessed dogs were running loose.

They had escaped after an exorcism attempt was performed on them by the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

They had then tried to attack U. S. President Donald Trump at a statue unveiling outside The Trump Arms Pub in London.

And now they were running lose in the English countryside creating chaos and havoc.

Eating sheep 🐑 and then regurgitating goats 🐐.

One of the demon possessed dogs used to be a Dachshund named Bashful.

He had now turned into a giant spectral wolfhound who was the Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated.

The other demon possessed dog was a Welsh corgi named Friendly.

He had since turned into a dog with the body of a Saint Bernard but he now had 3 heads- the head of a Rottweiler, the head of a Bassett hound and the head of a chihuahua.

Whitstable stumbled onto an English country pub.

He decided to go inside and ask them if they had seen the demon possessed dogs who were somewhat recognizable in appearance.

When he came through the door, he noticed to his surprise the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith sitting on a chair at the end of the bar.

“Good evening, Mr. Whitstable,” she smiled her sweet Vampiric incisors at him, “Can you tell me where your friend Dracul Van Helsing is?”.

“What do you want with Van Helsing?” Whitstable asked.

At that moment, a copy of the Kama Sutra fell off one of the pub book shelves.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 15th
2018.

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