The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

March 9, 2018 at 11:17 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was meeting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a popular London Fish N’ Chips shop called Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips.

Van Helsing had just returned from Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 where he had spent the entire week making out with Lepardia Marango who was the South African government’s Cultural Attaché in London.

Whitstable was still trying to recover from the shocking and totally unexpected news that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un had invited Donald Trump to meet with him and Trump had accepted.

Whitstable was convinced that there was something more at work here than just the diplomatic efforts of South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in.

“Dracul,” Whitstable wanted to know, “was there something more to your encounter with Kim Yo-jong than just finding out if she was a kumiho (a nine-tailed fox from Korean folklore and mythology who’s over a thousand years old and has the ability to shapeshift back and forth into a beautiful woman).”

“As Richard Dawkins is my witness,” Dracul answered, “there wasn’t.”

At that moment, the chef/owner of Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips Shop immediately took the Today’s Special: All You Can Eat Fish and Chips sign off the counter as soon as he saw Amadeus Emanon walk through the door of the restaurant.

French President Emmanuel Macron was reading a report compiled by French Intelligence on whether the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had been using chemical weapons against civilians in the Eastern Ghouta suburb.

He turned white when reading the report.

He immediately got on the phone ☎️ to U.S. President Donald Trump.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Donald Trump was reading an NSA (National Security Agency) report that was turning his orangish reddish toupee white.

The NSA was currently monitoring a blogger who ostensibly was writing a science-fiction novel on-line but DARPA was convinced that there was something more to it.

“Oh my Divine Self,” Trump exclaimed to an aide, “There may be the possibility that an illegal Japanese alien in this country is actually the Greek Gorgon Medusa in disguise.”

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was telling the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over brandy, “I, an Opposition MP with only 2 seats for my Party in Parliament, have been invited by the Home Secretary Amber Rudd to a meeting of the government’s emergency committee Cobra tomorrow to discuss the nerve agent attacks on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal.”

“Congratulations, Mr. Renfield,” Churchill raised his glass, “You appear to have arrived.”

Meanwhile back in his London apartment, Dracul Van Helsing received a phone call from Kim Yo-jong the younger sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“Dracul,” she said breathlessly, “Thank you for the gift. Wherever did you find an ancient Korean edition of the Kama Sutra?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 9th
2018.

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Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho

February 12, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho

A kumiho (literally “nine tailed fox”) is a creature that appears in the ancient tales and myths of Korea.

According to Korean folklore, a fox that lives a thousand years turns into a kumiho.

This 9-tailed fox has the ability to shape shift and can turn into a beautiful woman who seduces men and then eats their heart or liver.

Donald Trump had contacted Interpol and explained his theory that it was his belief that Kim Yo-jong the sister of Kim Jong-un was a kumiho.

The file was passed to Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol to investigate.

Whitstable was currently investigating reports of a werewolf in the highlands of Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 so he sent his friend and colleague the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to PyeongChang to investigate Kim Yo-jong.

Whitstable was currently attending a same species marriage of two horses 🐎 🐎 at the blacksmith’s shop in the Scottish town of Gretna Green when he managed to get ahold of Van Helsing on his smart phone.

“Did you get a chance to see Kim Yo-jong?” Whitstable asked.

“I did,” Van Helsing said, “I had dinner with her.”

“Do you think she’s a kumiho? A nine-tailed fox in disguise?” Whitstable inquired.

“She had only one tail as far as I could see,” Van Helsing answered.

He had dropped coins on the floor under the dinner table so he could look up her skirt (in a maneuver he had learned from watching John Candy in action in the 1984 movie Splash).

The move had earned him a kick in the head from one of Kim Yo-jong’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Well I didn’t think the story was true given the source of the information,” Whitstable admitted.

“Oh my God, she ate my liver!” Van Helsing exclaimed when he opened his doggy bag that he had packed up from the restaurant a few nights before and noticed that all his grilled liver and onions were gone.

“What!” Whitstable was shocked, “Stay calm, Dracul and hold tight. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Whitstable promptly leapt on the mare of honour at the wedding (or was it the best stallion?) and started riding south across the border towards London while on his smart phone he was busy booking the most timely flight he could get from London to Seoul.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 12th
2018

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Dracul Van Helsing and Cassandra Sibylline In Rome

August 6, 2017 at 3:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter and MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division spy Dracul Van Helsing had received a lengthy email from his friend Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

According to Whitstable’s information and sources, the Norse wolf Fenrir had apparently thrown up the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) on the Temple Mount.

The regurgitation of the witchly head had led to rioting and fighting between Jews and Palestinians on the Temple Mount.

When it was time for supper, both Jews and Palestinians went home leaving the Temple Mount vacant.

It was during this brief interlude of quiet that a Jesuit priest by the name of Father Mundum Contra Athanasius (who was one of Pope Francis’ leading theological advisers) found the head and took it back to Rome with him.

Peter Whitstable was now wondering what had happened to the head.

He suspected that one of Rome’s leading spiritist mediums Cassandra Sibylline (who served as psychic adviser to many of the Curia based Cardinals in Rome) might possibly know where the head of Hecate now was.

“I think you’d enjoy meeting Cassandra Sibylline,” Whitstable had told Van Helsing, “I want you to meet with her and use your Adonis like charm to get her to tell you where the head of Hecate is now located.”

Van Helsing looked at his watch.

This was the spot all right.

The ancient stairwell near the Fountain of Caligula.

And there she was.

Cassandra Sibylline in all her vestal virgin glory.
Cassandra Sibylline On Steps of Ancient Roman Stairwell

“So you want to know where the head of Hecate is now located, do you, Mr. Van Helsing?” She laughed, “I refuse to talk.”

“We have ways of making you talk,” Van Helsing quoted a Nazi villain from those old time movies.

He mounted Cassandra Sibylline on the steps right then and there and made wild passionate love to her.

A group of Japanese tourists on a tour bus just above them had a field day taking pictures of the event and posting them to Facebook and Instagram.

“All right, all right,” she gasped after she had orgasmed for the 1001st time, “the head of Hecate was given to Cardinal JM (the member of the College of Cardinals who worships the ancient Greek god Zeus). He placed the head behind the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.”

“Unholy abomination of desolation, Batman,” Dracul Van Helsing paraphrased Robin the Boy Wonder from the old 1960s TV series Batman.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 6th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing and The 84-Year-Old Kidnapping Mystery

May 18, 2017 at 4:03 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing had just received a text message from the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

She had gone to Pyongyang North Korea and convinced her husband Hephaestus to stop building missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He agreed.

The trouble was he had already built 666 missiles for Kim Jong-un.

And the missile of his that North Korea had launched this past weekend had been successful.

In addition, an ancient Persian talismanic image that had been painted on each missile (showing the image of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull with the words IN HOC SIGNO VINCES above the image) seemed to ensure the missiles’ success.

Kim Jong-un had been instructed to paint the image and the accompanying Latin slogan on his missiles by a beautiful Korean vampiress who was a disciple of the Persian demonic god-prince Ahriman.

The Korean vampiress appeared wearing a white gown to Kim Jong-un and gave him his instructions.

She was known to Kim only as the Mysterious Woman In White.

Aphrodite’s information to Dracul had been confirmed in a report sent to him by his friend Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable did not tell Van Helsing that the source for his information was Dracul’s ex-girlfriend the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan (now an agent for the South Korean National Intelligence Service who was currently spying in North Korea).

Dracul decided to phone Whitstable to further discuss the report.

After rehashing what had been said in the original report, Whitstable said, “Oh Dracul, there’s something else.”

“What would that be?” Dracul asked.

“Kim Jong-un apparently has an advisor- an Englishman who was loaned to him from the People’s Republic of China,” Whitstable stated.

“An Englishman who used to work for the People’s Republic of China and now works for North Korea’s dictator?” Dracul was amazed, “Who is this Englishman?”.

“Do you recall reading in your history books about the kidnapping of Byron Jennings back in the early 1930s?” Whitstable inquired.

“That was the case referred to by the North American press at the time as Britain’s Charles Lindbergh Jr. Kidnapping,” Dracul recalled, “although Byron Jennings was considerably older than Charles Lindbergh Jr. Byron was the grandson of a leading member of the British House of Lords at the time Lord Oswald Jennings as well as the son of a not so leading British Conservative MP of the day Spencer Jennings. Rumour had it that Byron had been kidnapped by Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life Fu Manchu.”

“That is correct, Dracul,” Whitstable acknowledged, “and that’s who is currently advising Kim Jong-un. None other than Byron Jennings who was kidnapped as an 8-year-old-boy 84 years ago.”

“Good lord,” said Dracul, “he must now be in his 90s.”

“He is,” Whitstable admitted, “but he doesn’t look it. He’s a vampire.”

“Really?” said Dracul, “Who turned him into a vampire?”.

“Mei-ling Manchu the daughter of Fu Manchu,” Whitstable answered, “who’s currently alive and Undead and well and living as a vampiress in Beijing.”

After talking with Whistable for a while longer, Dracul then telephoned Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard and told him to finally close the books on an 84-year-old kidnapping mystery.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 18th
2017.

Red Dress Mei-ling Manchu
Mei-ling Manchu becoming a vampiress after becoming a red dress Communist.

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Cthulhu On The South China Sea

April 11, 2017 at 4:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“Mr. President,” Trump’s aide was forced to interrupt him as he was writing yet another Twitter tweet, “ships are being attacked in the South China Sea.”

“Whose ships?” Trump looked up, “our ships? Who’s doing the attacking? The Chinese?”.

“All types of countries’ ships are being attacked in the South China Sea including China’s,” the aide replied, “and the attack is being carried out by a strange sea creature who stands hundreds of meters tall, has an octopus head for a head, the wings of a dragon on its back and has giant humanoid arms and legs with its hands and feet webbed.”

“Sounds like the preview trailer I saw for the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow,” Trump reflected.

“Nevertheless it’s real, Mr. President,” the aide said grimly, “The NSA believe that it’s the creature Cthulhu originally believed to have been a fictional character first mentioned in the works of an early 20th Century horror story writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

Trump picked up the phone and dialed a number, “Hello, Ivanka? Get thee to a library and read up everything you can find about a fictional monster called Cthulhu mentioned in the works of a horror writer called H.P. Lovecraft.”

. . .

The Royal Australian Navy ship The H.M.S. Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee was the only one that survived the attack by the creature Cthulhu of all the ships attacked in the South China Sea that fateful day of April 11th 2017.

First Mate Gil Mebson asked Captain Haul Pogan how their ship The Dowdee managed to survive.

“Well when we left Mumbai,” Captain Pogan took off his alligator boot to scratch his foot, “that psychic I had gone to see in Mumbai Tantric Tanya advised me to cover the ship in garlic. When I asked why, she said, I’d know the reason when we sailed back to Australia. This must be the reason.”

“So this Cthulhu creature is allergic to garlic like vampires and certain demons are,” Gil Mebson said as he ate his butter chicken.

“Apparently,” Captain Pogan opened a can of beer, “and it’s a good thing too. Otherwise I might never have heard the song Waltzing Matilda sung ever again.”

“That ship there doesn’t seem to have been attacked either,” Gil Mebson pointed to a ship that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

“It appears to be a North Korean ship judging from the flag,” Captain Pogan peered through his binoculars, “and it’s got a huge television screen atop the mass broadcasting a speech from North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.”

“I wonder what he’s saying,” Gil Mebson drank some rum.

“Well, if my Korean serves me correctly,” Captain Pogan replied, “Korean which I learned from making love with beautiful female members of the Korean Dragon Sisterhood Warrioress Society back in my days in Seoul, Kim Jong-un is reciting passages from the Necronomicon in Korean. The Necronomicon was originally written in Arabic by Abdul Alhadrez in Damascus in 730 AD. I myself read the Latin edition of The Necronomicon as a young Jesuit seminarian until I decided I couldn’t accept celibacy after attending a Sean Connery James Bond Film Festival held in Melbourne. I believe the passages Kim Jong-un is reciting are those passages that call the Cthulhu to rise from his home at the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was surprised to receive a phone call from South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

He hadn’t talked to Hyung ever since she broke up with his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Hyung had caught Dracul in bed in a menage a trois with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Egyptian vampiress Isis back on December 21st 2012 the day the world was supposed to end.

“Hyung, what’s up?” Whitstable asked.

“It’s Kim Jong-un,” Hyung replied, “last Christmas, he managed to get his hands on an ancient Korean copy of the book The Necronomicon. He’s now using that book to raise deadly occultic supernatural creatures from their resting places in the Underworld and at the bottom of the sea.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable, “too bad western intelligence hadn’t found about this earlier.”

Whitstable had on his desk a detailed report about today’s Cthulhu attacks in the South China Sea.

“Kim Jong-nam his half-brother found out about it and was going to reveal all after a gambling trip to Macau,” Hyung said, “but he got that fatal VX nerve agent towel in the face at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.”

“And now the young Stalinist brat Kim Jong-un has raised Cthulhu to attack shipping in the South China Sea by broadcasting Necronomicon pasages via satellite transmission to large screen TVs on North Korean ships,” Whitstable seethed.

“Who knows what other monsters he’s now going to raise?” Hyung looked over at her Samsung large screen TV.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 11th
2017.

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Feast of The Beast 2017

March 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard showed Peter Whitstable (the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol) the video that had been shot in England’s Sherwood Forest in the early morning hours of the day.

“These men of course were involved in an illegal out of season hunt for which they’ll be charged- those who are still alive that is,” Depp explained, “but look what happens in the video.”

The hunters encounter a stag.

As the men raised their rifles, the stag stands up on its hind legs and in its forearms it carries a crossbow which it fires with lightning speed.

The arrows immediately kill 11 of the 13 huntsmen and leave the other two wounded.

“Who filmed the video?” Whitstable asked.

“Good question,” said Depp, “we have no idea. The video was left at the scene after a mysterious phone call to local police.”

“Interesting,” Whitstable looked at the video again.

“With your investigation of the unusual and the preternatural, have you ever encountered such a phenomenon?” Depp asked, “A stag firing a crossbow with rapid fire arrows (faster than bullets) at a group of hunters?”.

“I’ve heard rumours of it,” said Whitstable, “and from a painting I once saw in the Vatican Archives that dates back to the 15th Century, I believe I know who the stag is.”

“A 15th Century painting in the Vatican Archives lets you know who this stag is?” Depp was incredulous.

“It’s Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld,” Whitstable explained.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2017.

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Abe Lincoln’s and Jefferson Davis’ Ghosts In Vatican

March 20, 2017 at 3:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghostly figure in the top hat looked around.

He didn’t recognize the place.

But President Lincoln knew he was back on Earth.

A place he hadn’t been in some 152 years.

Lincoln looked and saw another ghostly figure approaching.

He recognized it as the ghost of his arch enemy Jefferson Finis Davis the President of the Confederate States of America.

As Lincoln saw Davis’ specter approach, he reflected on something he often felt when he looked at Davis’ photos when alive, “It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing oneself reflected- the reflection of one’s dark side.”

Abraham Lincoln Jefferson Davis

“Is this some sort of cosmic joke you’re playing, Abe?” Jefferson Davis asked, “Rubbing salt into the wounds of the defeated Confederacy?”.

“I have nothing to do with this,” Lincoln answered, “I thought this was some sort of black magic conjured up on a soulless run plantation in the Deep South.”

The spirits of both men remained silent as sudden strong gusts of wind came up and dark clouds blew over the gardens where they were standing.

Pope Francis and a group of Cardinals walked by and through the spirits of the two men.

“I think we’re probably in the Vatican in Rome,” Abe Lincoln finally spoke.

“I’d have to agree,” Jefferson Davis answered.

From one of the rooms overlooking the Vatican gardens, two intruders looked down- two intruders who could see the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis.

The intruders were Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“Who do you think summoned the ghosts of Abe Lincoln and Jefferson Davis to the Vatican?” Whitstable asked Van Helsing.

“Probably someone who hasn’t read the Biblical account of what happened when the Witch of Endor managed to actually summon Samuel’s spirit from the realm of the dead for King Saul of Israel,” Van Helsing answered.

“And who might that be?” Whitstable inquired.

“Most likely a Vatican Cardinal,” Van Helsing answered.

“Probably Cardinal JM,” Whitstable raised the ancient grimoire volume of necromancy he held in his hands- a volume whose autographed inscription read, “To Cardinal JM my personal favourite amongst all my devotees in the Vatican Curia of Cardinals, yours with love, Hecate, Hellenic goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy.”

“Undoubtedly,” Van Helsing nodded.

Whitstable’s wiretap sounded an alarm.

“Who is that?” Van Helsing asked.

“It’s George Soros text messaging Pope Francis,” Whitstable replied.

Van Helsing’s own Samsung Galaxy 7 smart phone went off.

“Who is that?” Whitstable asked.

“The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” Van Helsing replied.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2017.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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Nostradamus And The Force Awakens

December 7, 2015 at 8:09 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Folklore, Horror, Movies, News, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Nostradamus and The Force Awakens

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were discussing a movie that both men had seen when they were younger but neither man could remember the name.

The plot was about a movie within a movie.

A movie was opening in a small single cinema theatre.

The movie was about a group of young people opening up the grave of Nostradamus to locate his golden (or was it silver?) mask.

Outside the theatre, a group of young people were preparing for opening night of this movie.

Two friends were excited about seeing the film.

A beautiful young woman who worked as an usherette at the cinema was putting on her short skirted usherette uniform.

And so on.

And so forth.

In the lobby of the cinema, there was a motorcycle with a mannequin sitting on it wearing the Mask of Nostradamus.

When the movie started, it showed a group of young people in France opening up the grave of Nostradamus.

A movie theatre goer returning from the washroom decided to take off the Mask of Nostradamus from the motorcycle riding mannequin in the lobby.

At the same time on the movie screen in the theatre, someone was removing the Mask of Nostradamus from Nostradamus’ corpse.

The movie goer in the cinema lobby then put on the Mask of Nostradamus himself.

On the screen within the movie, one of the young people desecrating and robbing Nostradamus’ grave likewise put on the mask in the movie.

The young person in the movie screamed and threw off the mask as he received an instantaneous case of facial boils as well as the bubonic plague through contact with the mask.

The young person in the lobby likewise screamed when he came down with the exact same ailments (facial boils and bubonic plague) after coming into contact with the mask.

Anyways what happened to the young people in the movie in that graveyard in France likewise happened to the young people in that single theatre cinema in a small American city.

“That was an interesting film,” Dracul commented, “never saw it again on television or video or anywhere else. I first saw it in a single cinema theatre myself which made it more terrifying given the premises of the plot. Those were the days before the advent of the multiplex cineplexes. There was the occasional duplex cinemas which had two theatres. There was something quaint and cozy about those old single theatre cinemas. Not many left anymore.”

“And like me, you can’t remember the name of the film?” Peter Whitstable scratched his head.

“No,” Dracul shook his head, “I’m still trying to remember the name of a movie I saw on TCM a few months ago about a guy who visited a beautiful woman with a lovely singing voice who lived in a house on the moon every time he time travelled between the present and the past.”

“I hate that when you can’t remember the name of something,” Whitstable grimaced then laughed.

“It can be very aggravating at times,” Dracul Van Helsing agreed.

“You’re probably wondering why I brought that movie up,” Whitstable queried.

“I suspect there’s method to your madness,” Dracul smiled.

“Are you familiar with the research of the lovely biochemist and geneticist Victoria Chang at the University of Maryland?” Whistable inquired.

“No, I’m not,” Dracul replied, “how lovely is she?”.

“Very lovely, indeed,” Whitstable answered, “anyways Miss Chang has discovered a trace of alien ET DNA within the human genome. Dating back roughly around 6000 years ago- about the time the angelic Watchers were said to have mated with mortal human women according to Genesis Chapter 6 and the 1st Book of Enoch. The time period also spoken of by ancient alien astronaut theorists on the History Channel TV program Ancient Aliens.”

“That’s interesting,” Dracul acknowledged, “but what does that have to do with the Nostradamus film you mentioned?”.

“Well, I was recently contacted by a film editor who works in the movie industry,” Whitstable explained, “he was one of the many editors who worked on the new Star Wars film The Force Awakens. He says a new scene has suddenly been added to the movie and he finds it somewhat strange. So he managed to clandestinely email me the scene. I too found it strange. So on a lark or maybe call it a psychic hunch, I emailed the scene to Victoria Chang and told her to show it to some of her subjects in her alien ET human genome research.”

“And what happened when Miss Chang showed that scene to her alien ET human genome subjects?” Dracul inquired.

“Well,” Peter wrote down the X-Files slogan The Truth Is Out There on the piece of paper in front of him, “some of the subjects actually turned into ETs- gray aliens or little green men and women and a few into raving multi-headed monsters with bulging eyes and reptilian claws.”

“Those in the last category mentioned will presumably be able to get jobs with the IRS, ” Dracul reflected thoughtfully.

“But according to Miss Chang’s hypothesis,” Peter Whitstable helped himself to one of the James Bond style martinis that Van Helsing had made, “every one on the planet has a slight trace of this alien ET DNA within their genetic make-up. So what will happen when millions and millions of people go into movie theatres to see what will probably be the biggest movie blockbuster of this decade Star Wars The Force Awakens? Will viewing that particular scene likewise trigger the alien ET DNA in their bodies and turn numerous theatre goers into alien grays or little green beings or multi-headed monsters with bulging eyes and reptilian claws?”.

“It will be déjà vu Nostradamus all over again,” Dracul sipped his own martini, “although hopefully minus the facial boils and outbreak of bubonic plague.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 5th
2015.

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Heat At The Paris Climate Summit

December 1, 2015 at 8:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Heat At The Paris Climate Summit

The head of French Intelligence was watching a British TV commercial along with Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“This man ate good old fashioned British oatmeal and grew up to be Prime Minister of Great Britain…”

A photo of Sir Winston Churchill is shown on the screen.

“This man did not eat British oatmeal and grew up to be one of the world’s biggest degenerates…”

An image of Renfield R. Renfield is shown on the screen.

Announcer: Which of these two do you want your children to become?

(For more on the background of this commercial, please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/renfields-new-image/ )

“Isn’t Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set?” The head of French Intelligence asked Whitstable.

“He is,” Whitstable nodded.

“That vampire Dracula,” the Head of French Intelligence looked at a 150-year-old police mugshot of Vlad the Impaler, “didn’t he seduce a lot of mortal women back in 19th Century London?”.

“He did,” Whitstable nodded again.

“I hear now that there’s a mortal… a vampire hunter… who seduces beautiful vampiresses… he doesn’t kill them… he slays them another way… he makes wild passionate love to them and they’re never the same again,” the Head of French Intelligence reflected with a look of great admiration on his face.

“Really? I’ve never heard about that,” Whitstable picked up his copy of Everything You’ve Always Wanted To Know About Contemporary Vampire Hunters.

. . .

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis looked flushed as she sat in her purple evening dress.

Her husband Osiris had finally got his mojo back thanks to a Vatican Cardinal locating his ancient phallus in the Vatican Archives and thanks to scientific genius Dr. Cadbury Rocher carefully performing surgical reattachment on the millennia old Egyptian deity.

Last night was the first time in over 3 millennia that they had made out.

What a way to start the Paris Climate Change Conference- by heating up the night.

Still, Isis had to admit that her husband wasn’t as good a lover as a mortal that she had once made out with – a vampire hunter.

Isis’ face really flushed bright red when Dracul Van Helsing suddenly walked through the door of the Parisienne cafe she was in.

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her shamrock green evening dress as she plotted climate change conference strategy with Lev Tomi the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

In his mortal life, Lev Tomi had been Leon Trotsky (he had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a hospital room in Mexico City on August 21st 1940 as he lay dying of an ice-axe blow to the head).

As Lev Tomi got up to sign an autograph book for a French Trotskyite, Qonzilqointec’s face suddenly flushed bright red.

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had walked through the door.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 1st
2015.

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