From The AntiOdysseus To The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

June 22, 2020 at 10:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was examining some photographs of a group calling itself The AntiOdysseus and His Antiheroes rolling in a giant wooden statue of The Baphomet into the Vatican overnight.

The operation took place hours before Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI returned to the Vatican from Regensburg in Bavaria.

Whitstable was also examining some material not related to the Omega Files Section of Interpol (which was the Interpol equivalent of the FBI’s fictonal X-Files Section from the popular Chris Carter TV series of the 1990s).

He was looking at some photos of the ongoing rioting, looting, vandalism and arsons in the U.S.

In Chicago, there had been 99 shootings this past weekend. 12 people had been killed including a 3-year-old girl when someone shot at her parents’ car as it drove down the street.

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot was outraged.

Not because of the violence but because Chicago Alderman Raymond Lopez had today released an audiotape of a city council meeting on May 31st in which Mayor Lightfoot said that Alderman Lopez was full of shit for saying that rioting and looting had been going on in his neighbourhood.

The same Lori Lightfoot who a month ago had been caught on audiotape recorded by a journalist saying that all Chicago city civil servants should take an oath to the New World Order.

Renfield R. Renfield had left Whitstable a note with the material saying, “This is what happens to a city when you elect a nutcase as your Mayor.’

Whitstable was now reading that over 1500 buildings had been burnt down in Minneapolis since the rioting, looting and arsons had begun there almost a month ago.

In Louisville, Kentucky, much of the city’s downtown had been burnt.

Statues were being torn down in various cities across the country now.

And in Saint Louis, Missouri, Neo-Bolshevik revolutionaries were demanding that the city’s name be changed as they found a city being named after a French Catholic Saint personally offensive.

Whitstable turned to the European assault file where he found out that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had recently been beaten up by the Byzantine vampiress Theodora for wanting to turn the former Hagia Sophia Cathedral into a mosque again.

The Hagia Sophia had been built as a Byzantine Christian Cathedral by Theodora’s husband the Byzantine Emperor Justinian back in the 6th Century.

It had been turned into a mosque in 1453 after the city of Constantinople had fallen to the Turks.

It had been turned into a museum by Turkey’s secular leader Kemal Ataturk back in the 1930s.

Now Erdogan wanted to turn it into a mosque again.

Theodora wanted to see it revert to being a Byzantine cathedral so she beat Erdogan up.

Whitstable looked at the most recent photo of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora.

It was probably one of the best looking mugshots he had ever seen, Whitstable mused.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 22nd
2020.

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The Elk From CERN On His Dark Throne

June 3, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Elk From CERN On His Dark Throne

Bill Gates was sitting on the couch blubbering away like a baby when his wife Melinda walked in.

“Bill, what’s wrong?” Melinda asked her husband as she poured herself a glass of champagne and opened up a tin of caviar.

“British MP Renfield R. Renfield said in a TV interview last night that I wasn’t cool enough to be the Antichrist,” Tears came down Gates’ cheeks like Niagara Falls, “He said that I was too bland and boring. And after all those billions I’ve spent trying to develop a vaccine that will be able to physically trace and track people – a digital identity card much like the Mark of the Beast system prophesied in the Book of Revelation Chapter 13. And then Renfield tells people that I’m not cool enough to be the Antichrist.”

“Well dear,” Melinda checked her text messages on her smart phone for half an hour and then went over and kissed him, “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re cool enough to be the Antichrist.”

“But Renfield said I wasn’t,” Bill Gates continued to blubber like a whale who was full of it, “And if Renfield said I was cool enough to be the Antichrist, then I really would be.”

“What about my opinion?” Melinda was furious, “Are you saying it’s only worth chopped liver?”.

“Speaking of chopped liver,” Gates started to wipe his glasses with a handkerchief, “Did you remember to pick up some Whiskas for the cat?”.

“You!” Melinda stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reading a report on his desk.

Apparently according to the report, the demons Baal and Baphomet had gone to the home of Dr. Anders Tegnell (who was Sweden’s chief epidemiologist) last night and had threatened him.

Dr. Tegnell was the man responsible for Sweden’s controversial decision not to impose a strict lockdown that the rest of the world had done along Stalinist-Maoist lines.

Dr. Tegnell had predicted a couple of months ago that the London models (developed by a research team in London England) showing the number of deaths that would occur due to Covid-19 were far too high a projection.

The epidemiologist said at the time that the number of deaths in Sweden due to Covid-19 would be around 4,000 the same number that usually occurs in the case of a normal flu season and there was no need to move to a total lockdown for the country.

Indeed the number of deaths for Sweden turned out to be 4,542 at this time (quite close to the number Dr. Anders Tegnell had originally predicted a couple of months ago).

While the London models (which the rest of the world’s medical experts had blindly accepted and followed) had far overestimated the number of deaths.

Dr. Anders Tegnell’s moderate approach had fitted in with the numbers he originally projected.

And yet today at a press conference, Dr. Anders Tegnell said that there were far too many deaths in the country.

Had Baal and Baphomet pressured him to attack his own approach?

. . .

Dr. Marmalade Montague (the former Paris baker who now fancied himself the Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze and a time traveler from that Sun King era) had flown to Rome Italy in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s environmentally friendly dirigible airship. 

He had gone down to visit Rome’s catacombs.

And as he was walking in one catacomb just below the Vatican, he was startled to see the demons Baal and Baphomet kneeling before an elk seated on a midnight dark black throne.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 3rd
2020.

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Fatima, Sodom, Mohammad bin Salman and Lady MacBeth

May 13, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Fatima, Sodom, Mohammad bin Salman and Lady MacBeth

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was standing outside the Catholic shrine at Fatima, Portugal alongside one of the commanders of the Portuguese National Republican Guard.

Several soldiers belonging to the guard (who had been guarding the shrine against Catholic pilgrims wanting to attend the site to mark the 103rd anniversary of the 1st appearance of the Virgin Mary to 3 shepherd children at the location) had died at their posts after their face masks had suffocated them to death.

The deaths by suffocation had occurred after a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse had rode by each man.

“Each one of the dead men had text messaged their friends about being visited in their beds in the middle of the night by a mysterious beautiful woman,” the Commander explained, “Whitstable, do you have any idea who this woman is?”.

“Well, I doubt very much it was Nancy Pelosi or any of her supporters,” Whitstable answered.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was wrestling with the fact that his desert kingdom was now facing bankruptcy.

He now held in his hands the report from his country’s Finance Minister about the state of the situation.

How could this happen to him, a devoted servant of Allah who had been waging and financing a genocidal civil war against the Houthi peoples of Yemen for the past 5 years?

He who had served up pieces of dissident Saudi journalists as appetizers to Dr. Hannibal Lecter wannabes?

Only months ago, he had tried to wreck both the Russian oil industry and the U.S. shale oil industry by ramping up production of Saudi oil and driving the price down to below zero dollars a barrel .

Now that decision had turned around to bite him in the ass.

Well it was actually New York City Council Speaker Corey Johnson (who had recently been taught astral projection by the demon Baphomet) who was sodomizing him in the rear end.

Johnson who had been astral flying over a road that went down from Jerusalem to Jericho remarked contemptuously “Samaritan’s Purse!” when he saw a man being carried on the back of a donkey and helped by a kind stranger after the man had fallen among thieves.

The act reminded Johnson of that organization headed by Rev. Franklin Graham who was a kind humanitarian and not an abominable sexual pervert.

Fortunately for Johnson, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (on the advice of both King Herod’s ghost and New York State’s powerful Sodom and Gomorrah lobby) were going to tax Samaritan’s Purse medical volunteers even though they worked for nothing running a field hospital emergency tent in NYC during the height of the Covid-19 crisis.

As Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was being sodomized by Johnson’s “astral body”, he reflected among his many other troubles that even his royal personal spirit guide the ghost of Lady MacBeth had left him.

. . .

Pope Francis shrieked when he saw the ghost of Lady MacBeth standing before him in his papal bedroom.

“What’s a woman doing in my bedroom?” He bellowed as he called out to his papal puffter personal aide and secretary.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 13th
2020

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A Mermaid Rides A Fire Breathing Black Horse

May 10, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

A Mermaid Rides A Fire Breathing Black Horse

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking down a Berlin street carrying out proper social distancing with members of the Berlin Police Force as they examined the dead bodies of several masked men.

Whitstable when he awaited the coroner’s report into each death suspected the same cause as had been happening in cities all over the world with masked men being found dead in the street.

The cause of death was suffocation from the mask and it was obvious from marks and various injuries on the bodies that each man had struggled to take off the mask which they were unable to do.

There were also reports from various eye witnesses looking out the windows of their houses or apartments or masked women walking the street that each masked man had been approached by a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse.

Other investigations revealed that before each man (who was usually single) walked out on the street wearing a mask, he had called a friend or relative saying that he had just had the most realistic dream- where an enchantingly beautiful young woman with copper reddish blonde hair had entered his bed and made love to him.

Whitstable gathered that the woman (who had appeared to the men in the realistic dream) was all human from the descriptions the soon to be dead from being suffocated wearing masked men had told their friends.

The mermaid riding the breathing fire through its nostrils black horse was likewise described as being enchantingly beautiful and having copper reddish blonde hair.

However in the case of the rider, it was the upper torso, arms and head which was female human while the bottom part was lower fish with tail.

Whitstable had received a report of a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse once last year.

In the Bay of Douarnenez just off Brittany’s western Atlantic coast, a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse was seen rising from the sea just before 18:20 CEST on April 15th 2019.

What Whitstable found significant about the time was that was the exact same moment that fire broke out beneath the roof of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris just slightly over a year ago.

Talking to a professor of mythology and folklore at Oxford University this evening, Whitstable was able to obtain information that might be helpful.

The mermaid and the nocturnal succubus woman (who slept with the men in the realistic dream) were probably one and the same person- Princess Dahud the daughter of Gradlon the King of Kernev (a territory in southern Brittany) and a northern Queen and enchantress named Malgven.

Malgven just happened to have owned a black horse named Movarc’h who breathed fire through his nostrils as he galloped along.

Malgven died at sea shortly after giving birth to Dahud.

Gradlon had built his daughter Dahud a city by the sea called Ker-Is.

Gradlon made the city his new capital but became a recluse in it listening to the sermons of a holy monk who occasionally visited him- a holy monk who became known to history as Saint Guenole.

Dahud soon became the de facto ruler of the city of Ker-Is because of her father’s reclusiveness.

The city under Dahud became a centre of debauchery and perversion, iniquity and vice (the sort of city that would be loved by today’s media, cultural and entertainment elites).

Princess Dahud was the most depraved of all.

She ate and drank to excess all day (resembling a female movie star or female musician celebrity after a couple of years of stardom).

She also took a new lover every night (the sort of woman who’d be considered an ideal candidate as Joe Biden’s Democratic Party Vice-Presidential running mate).

In the morning, she’d give her now discarded male lover a mask (ostensibly to leave the castle unnoticed and to protect his identity in the daylight).

However the mask was an enchanted bewitched mask that suffocated the wearer and each morning another dead body was thrown into the sea.

According to different versions of the legend, the city of Ker-Is was destroyed either by divine judgement or machinations of the Devil (possibly both).

King Gradlon tried to escape the sinking city (engulfed by rising sea waters) along with his daughter Dahud by riding Morvac’h.

However the horse struggled through the pounding and raging sea waves.

A voice from Heaven told King Gradlon that the weight of Dahud’s numerous sins was weighing the horse down.

It was then that the Devil leapt out of the sea and grabbed Dahud turning her into a mermaid and one of his servants.

So while King Gradlon and Morvac’h made it to shore safely, his now fishy daughter Dahud and the city of Ker-Is went beneath the waves of the sea.

The Oxford mythologist and folklorist told Whitstable that while no one knew what happened to Morvac’h after King Gradlon’s death, the fire breathing black horse must have somehow wound up in the possession of Dahud (after all Morvac’h had originally belonged to Dahud’s mother the northern Queen and enchantress named Malgven).

So last year, Dahud in mermaid form had risen from the Bay of Douarnenez riding the fire breathing black horse Morvarc’h and Notre-Dame Cathedral had almost become totally engulfed in flames.

What about the city of Ker-Is itself?

The Oxford folklorist’s answer of an old Breton proverb chilled Whitstable to the bone, “When Ker-Is rises again, Paris will be consumed.”

Whitstable put in an emergency phone call to French President Emmanuel Macron.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday May 10th
2020.


Princess Dahud as she appears in full human form in today’s world.

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Odin, Rudolphus The Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Baby Yoda

December 25, 2019 at 11:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Odin, Rudolphus The Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Baby Yoda

Amadeus Emanon was listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC News Announcer: And in other news, Donald Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani said that he’s currently investigating claims that Joe Biden as a 5-year-old participated in the surgical autopsy performed in Area 51 on the bodies of the ET grays who were killed in the UFO crash at Roswell New Mexico in 1947.
On the subject Donald Trump tweeted, @realDonaldTrump Go Rudy! #TheTruthIsOutThere

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in Oslo, Norway.

He was looking at a photograph taken last night from a cliff in the Jotunheim Mountains of Norway.

Whitstable had text messaged the photo to an acquaintance of his Clive Reuel Staples a professor of Norse, Germanic and Anglo-Saxon Mythology at Oxford University.

He asked for help in identifying the figures in the photo.

Staples text messaged back that the figures were Rudolfus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer and Odin the King of the Norse gods.

Staples also informed Whitstable that Odin only rides Rudolfus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer when a major global conflict is about to break out.

Whitstable looked over at his assistant who was already turning the photo of Odin and Rudolphus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer into a Facebook meme.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was over at the Set Enterprises laboratory to pick up Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to drive him home for Christmas dinner.

Dr. Rocher was busy working on Magical Mystery Tour the new marijuana smoking desert cactus plant that he was developing for Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Sitting in the back of the car, Dr. Rocher asked Renfield, “Did you ever see the 2004 Mel Gibson film The Passion of the Christ?”.

“I did,” Renfield answered.

“Do you remember that scene where the Devil played by Italian actress Rosalinda Celentano is carrying a very sinister looking baby?” Rocher asked.

“I do,” Renfield nodded.

“Have you noticed,” Dr. Rocher drew a sketch on a piece of paper, “that if you put bigger ears on that baby, how much it looks like Baby Yoda from the Star Wars Disney + television series The Mandalorian?”.

“Dr. Rocher,” Renfield looked back at the scientist, “Are you trying to tell me that Baby Yoda is the Devil’s child? The Antichrist?”.

“I am,” Dr. Rocher nodded.

Renfield drove the Set Enterprises’ scientist to the nearest hospital emergency ward fearing that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had inhaled way too much of Magical Mystery Tour’s exhaled pot smoke.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 25th
2019.

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Grave Digging In Berlin

December 16, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Grave Digging In Berlin

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in Berlin, Germany.

He was investigating the incident which occurred last Thursday where someone opened the unmarked grave of SS officer Reinhard Heydrich a top Nazi killed by Czechoslovak agents in 1942.

Heydrich chaired the Wannssee Conference in January 1942 where Hitler’s genocidal “Final Solution” was planned.

Reinhard Heydrich ruled over Bohemia and Moravia until May 1942 when British-trained Czechoslovak agents attacked his limousine.

Heydrich later died of his injuries and was buried in a Berlin cemetery.

At the end of World War II, the victorious Allies decreed that the graves of prominent Nazis should not be marked to prevent Nazi sympathizers from turning them into shrines.

Thus whoever opened the unmarked grave of Heydrich must have had inside knowledge of its location.

Whitstable was brought in by Berlin police to help the investigation.

Fortunately for Whitstable and Berlin police, someone was flying a drone over the cemetery when Heydrich’s grave was opened.

The drone was doing some surveillance filming with a video camera.

There were 6 individuals at the grave.

Whitstable recognized one of them as being the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler who belonged to the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.

No doubt it was Kohler who knew the locale.

Kohler had apparently been turned into a vampire by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith during the closing days of World War II.

The other person he recognized was Gavin Brown who worked for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation as one of their liaison officers with various family planning NGOs in Africa.

A few years ago rumours crossed Whitstable’s desk that Brown was studying voodoo and how to bring people back from the dead while on an extended vacation down in Haiti.

Watching the video footage, Whitstable recognized that Gavin Brown was using hand and arm gestures used by Haitian voodoo practitioners to try to raise people from the dead.

Obviously Brown was trying to raise Reinhard Heydrich from the dead.

The dead raising ceremony was interrupted by a flock of pigeons who dropped their turds all over the six grave diggers bringing their dead raising ceremony to an abrupt end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 16th
2019.

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The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee

September 4, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was smoking a cigar and drinking brandy and eating tuna fish sandwiches in his office and trying to think up hundreds of amendments to give to pro-Brexit peers in the House of Lords in order to delay passage of the bill forbidding a no-deal Brexit until Parliament was suspended next week.

Among the amendments Renfield had come up with for the bill was a demand that the EU should change the European Union anthem from the tune and lyrics of Beethoven’s Song of Joy to the tune and lyrics of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus song How Sweet To Be An Idiot.

Another amendment was a demand that the EU must pay for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn’s gender reassignment surgery in Sweden and also donate a portion of the European Union’s Research and Development Budget to allocate funds to see if it was scientifically possible for Jeremy Corbyn to grow himself a pair of testicles.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee.

For the past few days, there were reports of the sighting of a Kraken rising from the Sea of Galilee.

Whitstable had heard it on good authority (from the Greek sea god Poseidon no less) that Zeus had recently ordered his Kraken to be released upon the world.

Whitstable was walking the shores of Galilee to see if this was Zeus’ kraken who was rising from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.

Suddenly there were huge screams coming from along the shores.

Whitstable looked and up rose from the waters a giant kraken with 8 huge gigantic legs covered in huge gigantic tentacles.

Even more terrifying was the head of the kraken.

For the head was not an octopus head.

Rather it was the head of the supposedly dead perverted billionaire financier and possible Mossad operative Jeffrey Epstein.

The Jeffraken had risen from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.

. . .

Dashwood Forrest was getting a visit from the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.

Donegal was carrying news from Persephone the Greek goddess Queen of the Underworld.

Persephone was feeling guilty over something her husband Hades had done.

Hades had recently released from the realm of the dead the ghost of Captain Rainbow Beard the most infamous and bloodthirsty pirate ever to sail the 7 Seas.

Captain Rainbow Beard made the pirate Blackbeard and the notorious wife murderer Bluebeard look like Boy Scouts by comparison.

Captain Rainbow Beard was a devout worshipper of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

His human sacrifices and degenerate perverted orgies were the stuff of pirate lore.

Today he’d probably be considered the leading candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020 to run against Donald Trump the personal and favoured choice of the demons Mammon and Mephistopheles.

Apparently Captain Rainbow Beard was still bitter about the only defeat he had ever suffered as a pirate- the Battle of the Bahamas.

A battle which would turn out to be Captain Rainbow Beard’s last- for he was killed in that battle.

Rainbow Beard’s opponents in that battle were Captain Kerry Donegal himself and the 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson (who was turned into a vampiress shortly after that battle).

All the while he was roasting away on his spit in Tartarus (as his rear end was sodomized by a goat), Captain Rainbow Beard swore vengeance on the Bahamas- the area of the world where he was defeated and killed.

One day the god Hades was walking by and challenged him to a poker game.

Hades lost.

The price for losing was that Rainbow Beard was freed from his spit (and his rear end was freed from the goat) and someday the pirate would be allowed to leave the Underworld for the world above.

When Rainbow Beard heard news of the storm Dorian forming in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa and the possibility it might become a hurricane, the insidious pirate set off in search of the notorious Victorian era libertine Dorian Gray (whom Oscar Wilde had once written a book about) that he had once encountered in the flames of Tartarus.

Rainbow Beard gave Gray some Hellish hashish (which would make him more susceptible to the pirate’s hypnotic powers of suggestion) and also fed him some of the Philistine giant Goliath’s blood making him rapidly increase in stature and height.

Rainbow Beard then went to see Hades and the infernal deity granted the pirate and Dorian Gray permission to leave the Underworld.

Rainbow Beard got the now giant Dorian Gray to enter the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian and cause massive chaos and havoc when it hit the Bahamas- site of Captain Rainbow Beard’s massive defeat centuries earlier.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 4th
2019.

The 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson now a vampiress

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Hades Emergency Meeting

July 29, 2019 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Hades Emergency Meeting

“Ugly looking female teen stoat/ human hybrids grow up to be ugly looking adult female stoat/human hybrids,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded the ugly looking female stoat/human hybrid as she was riding a bicycle down the street.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, the Greek god Hades (who was known as Pluto to the ancient Romans) was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the huge number of repulsive looking spirits that were showing up daily from Calgary to cross the River Styx over to the Underworld.

Said a phlegmatic Phlegyas (who was extra phlegmatic this morning because he had eaten a full English breakfast as opposed to his usual continental breakfast), “We’re having to have orangutans wearing special darkened glass visors (whereby they see the shades of the dead as mere shades) hand out paper bags at the ferry docks for Charon’s boat to any Caucasian female soul arriving from Calgary on the high probability that they’re quite repulsively ugly. They are instructed to put the paper bags over their heads for the crossing across the river Styx. This is to prevent the occurrence of unstoppable vomiting on the part of both Charon the ferryman and Cerberus the 3-headed dog (all of whose 3 heads immediately start vomiting simultaneously) upon seeing the said hideous spirits.”

“Hopefully this will put an end to the problem,” said Hades.

“Until Pan Goatee manages to find the sinister Nazi criminal network responsible for breeding a certain type of brainless male with female walruses, stoats and gargoyles that’s producing these hideous looking hybrids by the thousands in that poor city,” Phlegyas coughed up more phlegm.

Meanwhile on the Caribbean Island of Little Saint James (owned by Jeffrey Epstein), the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc (666 meters tall) was strolling across the island accompanied by a Haitian voodoo high priest Samedi.

Uhluhtc stood on one spot and grunted.

Samedi waved to one of the island employees who no doubt lived on the nearby island of Saint Thomas.

Samedi spoke to the island employee, “The Great Kraken says that while he lived in the depths of the Caribbean, he had a vision of a great Temple that stood on this spot. The Temple was guarded by two small statues of owl wearing goddesses. He wonders what happened to this Temple.”

“It was torn down a while ago,” the employee answered.

Uhluhtc once again grunted.

“What did he say?” The employee inquired.

“He said merde,” Samedi answered.

Meanwhile in New York City, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his hotel room where he was receiving information about much bizarre occurrences occurring across the world the past few days.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had been spotted on a Florida golf course this past weekend drinking a bottle of Dalmore Port Wood Reserve single malt whisky and slaying a bunch of country club Republicans on the golf course with his bow and arrow.

Meanwhile in Vienna, the infernal Underworld centaur Acheronus had been seen killing diplomats with his bow and arrow at various hotels across the city.

In Canada, reports of the ghost of Albert Johnson (the man they called The Mad Trapper of Rat River) had been seen at various locales in Canada.

Johnson (who had killed 3 people) had eluded the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for more than a month in a massive manhunt that stretched across the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory in northern Canada.

Johnson was killed on the Eagle River in Yukon on February 17th 1932.

Johnson’s ghost had been spotted in northern British Columbia, northern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba.

After talking with a psychic friend of his, Whitstable was told that Johnson’s ghost was headed for the town of Lucan Biddulph in southwestern Ontario.

Whitstable was also told by the psychic that the Egyptian god Thoth was currently in the town.

“What the Hell,” Whitstable wondered, “is Thoth doing in Lucan, Ontario?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 29th
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

July 27, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.

Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.

“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.

“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.

Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.

Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.

Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”

Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.

But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.

In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.

Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.

Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.

And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”

Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.

. . .

“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.

“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.

“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”

“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”

“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”

“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.

“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”

Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.

“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”

“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.

What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.

Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.

So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.

The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.

He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.

Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.

The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.

“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.

“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.

“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”

“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.

“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”

“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.

“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”

“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.

“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.

Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.

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Peter Whitstable and The Killer Seaweed

May 14, 2019 at 9:22 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Peter Whitstable had left Passau, Bavaria.

He had no reason to believe that the crossbow murders in the town were the handiwork of the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos.

He headed down to Marseille, France where he had heard reports of a large bunch of seaweed that had crawled off the bottom of a boat and was now going around eating people.

A human-eating piece of seaweed would definitely fall under his jurisdiction of paranormal and unusual investigations.

As he crossed the border from Germany into France, he got a report on his mobile phone that the satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded and bodily dismembered an ugly looking girl and her father.

“Pan Goatee’s aesthetic eugenics at work again,” Whitstable thought to himself.

On the plus side as far as Whitstable was concerned, Pan Goatee had also beheaded and dismembered a notorious German pedophile Helmut Troost who was wanted for sex crimes on six continents.

“The world is well rid of such sewage infested scumbags,” Whitstable thought as he pulled into a petrol station to buy gas.

When he reached Marseille, he pulled into a police station to see what information they had on a human-eating seaweed plant.

Apparently the piece of seaweed was currently seen devouring people throughout the Vieux Port (Old Port) of Marseille.

Whitstable rushed down to the Old Port having borrowed one of the Marseille traffic patrol’s motor scooters.

He arrived to see a group of fishermen being devoured by the seaweed.

“How horrible!” An old trader on the dockside screamed.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” a retired sea captain remarked as he calmly smoked his pipe.

“My vegan girlfriend is always trying to get me to eat seaweed,” a university student on a sightseeing tour of Europe remarked, “I don’t think I’ll do it now. You just never know what the seaweed itself has been eating.”

In the distant waters, a conch seashell horn could be heard being blown.

The seaweed turned in the direction of the conch horn and swam out to sea.

“Will it be back?” A fishmonger asked Whitstable.

“I have no idea,” the Interpol operative replied.

“Just another day in Marseille,” the retired sea captain put some more tobacco in his pipe.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 14th
2019.

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