Slek The Demon

March 14, 2022 at 9:51 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Slek the demon: Seen in the middle of war-torn Ukraine

Slek was a particularly insidious and ferocious demon.

He was the go-to for Phoenix Diabolicus who was Lucifer the Devil’s 2nd in Command.

Some years ago Slek the demon had aided America’s most pre-eminently evil mad scientists Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Francis Collins in developing genetically created repulsively ugly women and then unleashing them on the City of Calgary.

Today the results of that horrible experiment could be seen as Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was going throughout the streets and public transit systems of downtown Calgary beheading and dismembering loads of repulsive uglos (thin ugly stoats, medium sized ugly gargoyles and fat ugly blimps) in an effort to rid the poor city of this hideously uglo abomination of desolation.

The ghosts of 19th Century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche and 19th Century Anglo-Irish writer Oscar Wilde were sitting atop the needle of the Calgary Tower (whose original name was the Husky Tower) playing a ghostly game of Scrabble (using English, German and Latin words) and watching the proceedings below.

“Goodness gracious,” Wilde wiped his ghostly brow with his spectral handkerchief, “I think I once had a dream about encountering an uglo Calgarian woman when I was a young mortal. I think it was that dream that led me to have an affair with Lord Alfred Douglas the son of John Douglas the 9th Marquess of Queensbury who established the Queensbury Rules of Boxing that form the basis of modern boxing.”

“You know,” Nietzsche threw a chicken wish bone for the Greek gods Apollo and Dionysus to wrestle over, “It looks like this might take a herculean effort to rid this city of all the vast amounts of uglo women in it. I’m gping to put in a request to Hades the god of the Underworld that he release Hercules from the realm of the Underworld and send him up here to start bumping off all these uglo women with his mighty club.”

The philosopher got on his Samsung Galaxy phone and called Hades’ number.

Within minutes, the divine hero Hercules found himself standing on the sidewalks of downtown Calgary.

The mighty giant was so shocked by the grotesqueness of the uglo women that he saw that he began barfing all over the place.

Zeus had Hercules sent back to the Underworld where the divine hero continued to barf all over the place.

Hercules’ vomit caused two of the rivers of the Underworld- the river Styx and the river Acheron to rise and rise until they rose from the Underworld and began reaching the surface of the Earth itself.

There they formed a confluence of blood in Ukraine.

And from the midst of that confluence of blood rose Slek the demon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Monday March 14th
2022

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Pan Goatee Beheads An Airheaded Thin Ugly Stoat

March 10, 2022 at 10:37 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

According to the Pan Goatee Classification System of Ugly Women (which was the most accurate classification system of ugly women ever developed by man or satyr), there were 3 categories of ugly women; the thin ugly stoat, the medium sized ugly gargoyle and the fat ugly blimp.

As Pan Goatee was sitting besides the second door at the front of a Public Transit bus, a thin ugly stoat (who had been sitting at the back of the bus where she belonged) decided to get uppity (way beyond her uglo station in life) and decided to walk up towards the front and get off at the door near where Pan Goatee was sitting.

A total airheaded move.

But then again most uglos are not noted for either their beauty or their brains.

Goatee grabbed his astral laser machete and beheaded the thin ugly stoat.

He then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat carried the uglo stoat’s remains down to Tartarus.

Pan Goatee then did a TV commercial for a custom built coffin maker.

. . .

Pope Francis was debating whether he should call for a Holy Crusade against Russia on behalf of Ukraine and the George Soros-Klaus Schwab New World Order.

How many years should he knock off Purgatory (that he didn’t believe in) to those who took up the Crusade?

How many Get Out of Hell (that he didn’t believe in) Free cards should he issue to those who took up the Crusade?

As he sat there, Phoenix Diabolicus (the fallen angel who was 2nd in charge to Lucifer) approached him, “I think it’s an excellent idea for you to call an Unholy Holy Crusade against Russia.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday
March 10th 2022

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Dementia Prone Joe Biden and Satanic Airhead Alyssa Milano

May 2, 2020 at 10:26 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Dementia Prone Joe Biden and Satanic Airhead Alyssa Milano

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was playing Solitaire with his deck of waterproof playing cards using his lobster claws when he suddenly picked up a TV news bulletin from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

Announcer: The American Psychiatric Association spokesman went on to define Trump Derangement Syndrome as a mental imbalance which the most partisan Democrats in America are extremely prone to. A condition by which the most partisan Democrats become so mentally unhinged by the mentally deranged Donald Trump that they start developing positions which while representative of opposing viewpoints to Trump are about as equally mentally unbalanced and equally dangerous as those espoused by Mr. Trump.
In other news, satanic witch airhead Alyssa Milano brushed off the sexual assault that dementia prone Joe Biden tried to pull off on Ms. Milano last night when he broke into her apartment wearing a Bill Clinton mask.
Mr. Biden tried to force himself on Ms. Milano by taking off her bathrobe.
His attempt at coitus was suddenly interrupted when he started screaming “Stella!” and then started screaming that he may have missed “a streetcar named Desire”.
The senile Presidential candidate started rummaging through her bathroom medicine cabinet but was unable to find any Viagra.
He had to be carried out in a straight jacket.
Mr. Biden is expected to name his Vice-Presidential running mate sometime in the next half hour in a hastily called looney bin press conference.
Ms. Milano said she doesn’t intend to press charges against Joe Biden “because he’s a man I admire and respect. Plus we both appear to be on the same wavelength mentally speaking. And he’s needed to defeat Donald Trump.”

. . .

Former weightlifter, movie actor and California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was doing another one of his livestream video podcasts to keep people entertained during the worldwide Covid-19 lockdown.

The former Terminator star was busy screaming his head off as the podcast began.

Schwarzenegger (in his thick Austrian accent): “You must excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. But my recently purchased pet goat Doctor Dolittle’s Revenge just stuck his goat horns up my buttocks. Something which I must confess I found an exceedingly painful experience.
So please don’t try this at home.
However as I drink this milk and munch on these cookies, I’m starting to feel much better now.
And now I must conclude my podcast. And remember, ladies and gentlemen. Stay home. Stay safe.”

Schwarzenegger starts screaming again when his pet goat Doctor Dolittle’s Revenge once again shoves his goat horns up the ex-Terminator’s buttocks.

. . .

The Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg had been watching the ex-Terminator’s podcast on his computer.

For the past few nights, the nuns from the convent in the movie The Sound of Music had been haunting his dreams constantly singing, “How do you solve a problem like Akira?…”

Akira was the name of his Japanese sex robot in his dystopian Sci-Fi story who had gone far beyond Westworld bad.

Seeing what a goat had just done to the ex-Terminator killer robot, perhaps he could find a way of working a goat into his story when Akira starts singing that old Joni Mitchell song, “I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now…”

. . .

Pope Francis was having a conversation with Phoenix Diabolicus the demon who was the Vicar of Lucifer on Earth.

“I must say my boss is pleased with the way you have allowed the governments of the world to prevent people from receiving the Sacraments particularly the Mass all over the planet,” Phoenix Diabolicus smiled, “This will increase the chances of more and more people becoming diabolically possessed if they don’t have access to the Sacraments. Someone like John Paul II or even Benedict XVI would have raised a major fuss if public celebration of the Mass had been forbidden particularly like what is happening in U.S. states governed by anti-Life and pro-sexual perversion Democratic Party governors.”

“I’m always happy to oblige the demons Baal and Baphomet,” Pope Francis viewed the latest ecumenical document his gay lavender mafia Jesuit ghost writer had written which he was about to put his own name of authorship to.

“Now the Boss wants to know what you intend to do about the Latin Tridentine Mass?” Phoenix Diabolicus sipped a Caesar’s cocktail, “He hates that Mass most of all.”

“Well I’ve recently instructed my bureaucrats to send out a survey to the bishops of the world asking them questions and their opinion of Summorum Pontificum which was Pope Benedict XVI’s July 2007 Apostolic Letter which said that priests could celebrate the Latin Mass without needing the permission of their usually obscurantist bishops,” Francis sipped a bottle of Corona beer whose label had been personally autographed by the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama, “When we get the survey back, all those surveys where the diocesan bishops answered they disapproved of Summorum Pontificum will be forwarded to most of the world news media. Those surveys where the diocesan bishops answered they approve of Summorum Pontificum will be forwarded to most of the Vatican departments’ garbage bins.”

“I knew we could count on you, Jorge,” Phoenix Diabolicus lit himself a Cuban cigar.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 2nd
2020.

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Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer

September 26, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer

The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus (the demon who was the Vicar of Lucifer On Earth) emerged from his painting in the Vatican Art Collection.

Something that startled Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

The Cardinal had been told who was the subject of the painting but he had never expected the figure to come to life.

“Good evening, Cardinal Salaman,” said Phoenix Diabolicus.

The Cardinal was too shocked to say anything.

“I’m pleased with the way the world is going,” Phoenix Diabolicus stretched his long black wings which felt tired and sore after being kept cooped up in that painting for so long.

“Oh yes?” Cardinal Salaman was flicking through the pockets of his robes trying to find his Rosary (a gift to him from a Polish priest and an object he had never used before).

“Indeed,” Phoenix Diabolicus stroked his moustache, “A potential for civil war or Beijing military intervention emerging in the island of Hong Kong. Tensions running rampant in the United Kingdom over Brexit. The Democrats setting up an impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump only adding to the further polarization in that already polarized nation that is called the United States of America. And what’s really advantageous is there’s no Abraham Lincoln like figure in sight. So the divided house will fall. The State of Israel is in chaos. War looms between Saudi Arabia and Iran in the Middle East. And your own boss Pope Francis is paving the way for the worship of the spirits of the Amazon Rainforest next month totally oblivious to the fact that not all the spirits in the Amazon Rainforest are good. Or at least not good in the sense that Our Enemy On The Cross defines it.”

The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus stepped back in the painting.

And Samhain Cardinal Salaman stood there.

Unable to move.

. . .

Private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were trudging their way through the Amazon Rainforest.

They had recently been hired by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The United Nations Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change to discover who had been setting the fires in the Amazon Rainforest this past summer.

Now they were in a dense little travelled section of the Amazon Rainforest.

“I hope our native guide knows his way back,” Agathor remarked.

“I hope our native guide isn’t a cannibal planning to eat us,” Magog stated as he wiped his sweating forehead with his handkerchief.

“That statement ranks of cultural imperialism,” Agathor the former British Conservative MP teased his Marxist friend the former Labour MP Magog.

“Being out here does that to a person,” Magog continued to wipe his brow.

Their guide bowed down to a tree.

“Must be a sacred tree,” Agathor remarked.

Magog pointed to a small carved figure standing at the base of the tree and asked, “What’s that?”.

“Father and Mother of All Life,” the native said in English as he bowed.

“Justin Trudeau would be pleased with this native’s feminist and transgendered sensibilities,” Magog remarked.

“Doesn’t that wooden idol look familiar?” Agathor asked.

Magog took a closer look and commented, “It looks like the Baphomet that supernatural entity worshipped by those Satanic Temple groups in the U.S. and Canada.”

“That’s because it is the Baphomet figure,” Agathor said as he put on his monocle and looked at it.

“Baphomet is worshipped by some of the natives here in the Amazon?” Magog was genuinely surprised.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 26th
2019.

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