Joe Biden Sniffs Jacinda Ardern’s Hair

May 31, 2022 at 9:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The Samaritan woman at the well heard the call of Jesus.
Joe Biden and Jacinda Ardern, who were busy making out in the Oval Office, did not.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises when he had a vision.

The vision was this:

Joe Biden and New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern were making out in the privacy of the Oval Office after their public press conference.

Joe Biden was busy sniffing Jacinda Ardern’s hair, “Is that Herbal Essences or VO5 that I smell?”.

“Oh, kiss me, Joe, kiss me,” Ardern moaned in ecstasy.

“I’m afraid I don’t know the members of KISS,” Biden picked a fly off the wall and ate it, “But I might be able to get ahold of Marilyn Manson or Alice Cooper for you.”

“Oh, Joe, Joe,” Ardern continued to moan.

“Oh, the smell, the smell,” Biden got a lock of the New Zealand Prime Minister’s hair caught in his nostrils.

He dropped a load in his Depends diapers.

“Oh, the smell, the smell,” Ardern shrieked before passing out.

. . .

The commander of the Swiss Guards came running into the study of Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis.

“Your Holiness,” the Swiss Guard commander said, “There’s a monkey loose in the Vatican.”

“What’s a monkey doing loose in the Vatican?” Bergoglio asked as he ate a banana.

“He escaped from one of Bill Gates’ experimental labs in Rome,” the Swiss Guard commander explained, “He jumped over the Vatican wall, claimed refugee status and is now wanting free range in the Vatican kitchens.”

“Does he have the pox?” Bergoglio was very concerned and he wiped sweat off his brow.

“We don’t know whether he has the pox or not,” the Swiss Guard commander shrugged, “we know he doesn’t have the vax.”

“Then he shouldn’t be in the Vatican,” Bergoglio wagged his finger in a very angry fashion, “There are two things we can’t have in the Vatican. One is the Latin Tridentine Mass. And the other is the unvaccinated.”

. . .

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov was meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Russian leader looked well despite rumours that he was ill.

The same could not be said for New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern who was currently barfing in the White House toilet at that moment.

Putin had just approved a Russian military intelligence plan to have an unvaccinated priest say a Latin Tridentine Mass in the Vatican this coming weekend.

“We’ve got another request from Pope Francis that he be invited to Moscow so that he can negotiate peace between Russia and Ukraine,” Lavrov noted.

“Put the request in the Kremlin trash can along with the others,” Putin directed.

“We also got a request from North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un that he be invited to Moscow to negotiate a peace between Russia and Ukraine,” Lavrov pointed out.

“Really?” Putin put down his bowl of borscht and smiled.

“Yes,” Lavrov nodded.

“Invite the two of them to Moscow together,” Putin had a glint in his eye, “let them hammer out a peace between Russia and Ukraine together.”

“All right,” Lavrov went to send off the invitations.

“At least the Western news media can’t accuse me of not having a sense of humour,” Putin drummed his fingers on his office desk top.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 31st 2022.

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China’s Despotic Regime Arrests 90-Year-Old Hong Cardinal Joseph Zen

May 17, 2022 at 9:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

The despotic government of China’s tyrannical megalomaniacal leader Xi Jinping recently arrested Joseph Cardinal Zen the 90-year-old former bishop of Hong Kong.

The Maoist wanna-be demi-god didn’t like the elderly retired (but definitely not retiring) bishop constantly speaking out on behalf of freedom and religious rights of the people of both Hong Kong and mainland China.

So last Wednesday the 90-year-old courageous defender of religious freedom was arrested along with 3 others who worked at the now defunct 612 Humanitarian Relief Fund a charitable outfit that offered financial support for legal defence to democracy advocates on the island.

The Vatican reacted to the Cardinal’s arrest with severe understatement.

“The Holy See has learned with concern the news of Cardinal Zen’s arrest,” the Holy See press officer Matteo Bruni told reporters as Jorge Mario Bergoglio was enjoying his 12th plate of lasagna.

Brunei said the Holy See is “following the evolution of the situation with extreme attention”.

“Did anyone see where I put my glasses?” Bergoglio asked his aides.

The Vatican would not of course raise an outcry over Cardinal Zen’s arrest since they signed the 2018 Vatican Accord with the Chinese Communist Government in Beijing (an accord negotiated by the sodomite and pederasty practicing American cardinal Theodore McCarrick who ordained loads of sodomite pederasts to the American priesthood and consecrated loads of sodomite pederasts to the office of bishop in the American Church) for which the Vatican receives billions and billions of dollars (what the retired Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano called the 21st Century equivalent of Judas Iscariot’s 30 pieces of silver) for not condemning the Chinese Communist Party’s treatment of the underground Catholic Church in China.

There is much skullduggery going on in the Vatican while at the same time the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) are piling mountains upon mountains of skulls in China.

-written by Christopher
Tuesday May 17th 2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Brainless Uglo While Matthew Fox Is In The Running To Become The Next Unholy Grand Inquisitor

April 14, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Krampus The Demon much prefers Christmas to April snowstorms

It was April.

And there was a huge snowstorm happening.

So much for global warming.

Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore found himself buried under 6 feet of snow.

And as far as the snow clearing crews were concerned, Gore could remain buried.

While much of North America found itself buried under feet of white, the Oval Office in the White House found itself buried under feet of brown.

“My Depends runneth over,” senile old Joe whined.

Today was also the 110th Anniversary of the night the Titanic struck an iceburg.

Ukraine marked the anniversary by sinking the pride and flagship of the Russian Navy’s Black Sea fleet the guided-missile cruiser Moskva.

Meanwhile the charismatic genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a bus.

His stomach started to churn when a repulsive uglo got on the bus.

However unlike many uglos, she went and sat at the back of the bus so Goatee wouldn’t have to look at her repulsive ugly face.

Later Goatee went to a office to get some paper work done and faxes sent.

He was out walking when the same repulsive uglo he had seen on the bus earlier was now walking straight towards him.

“What? Seeing your stupid ugly face twice in the same day? I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again,” Goatee beheaded the repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon arrived being pulled in a one horse open sleigh through the blinding snowstorm.

“It’s almost Easter and it’s starting to look a lot like Christmas,” Krampus observed.

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Peter Cottontail (hopping down the bunny trail) collided on the icy snowy streets.

. . .

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, satanic AntiPope Francis, as he had done on the island of Malta, was directing that all Crosses and Crucifixes be taken down so as not to offend Muslims.

Meanwhile on loudspeakers parked outside the Vatican, the voice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield could be heard reading aloud Canto 28 of Dante’s Inferno.

And Pope Francis was telling an aide that he was thinking of appointing the New Age astrology believing and witchcraft practicing Episcopalian priest Father Matthew Fox (who had been a Dominican priest until he had been investigated for his whacko beliefs by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger the future Pope Benedict XVI) to be the new head of the Congregation For The Doctrine of the Faith.

It would be the new Unholy Grand Inquistor’s job to enforce the syncretistic beliefs of Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s new Church to be called Mystery Babylon The Mother of Harlots.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 14th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos and Pachamama’s Francis Discusses ET Aliens With One of His Globalist Backers

April 11, 2022 at 10:49 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Temple Bar Dragon Monument in London

The Temple Bar Dragon Monument in London had come to life and become a real dragon after the evil Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai had cast a dark magic witchcraft spell on it.

This story was covered up by the western world’s brainless mainstream media (all of the western world’s brainless mainstream media was of course owned by two investment companies Vanguard and Blackrock so of course they controlled today’s Orwellian Covid-1984 and Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World story narrative).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield stood in front of the now empty monument where the Temple Bar Dragon had stood.

Renfield told his streaming audience, “Apparently the brainless mainstream media around the world along with numerous health “experts” and various politicians are now getting their panties in a knot yacking their heads off about a sixth wave of Covid. Even though the omicron variant wave was less deadly than previous waves of Covid save among those who were triple vaccinated who of course were dropping dead like flies. What intelligent citizens of the world now need to do is to take matters into their own hands and start kidnapping health “experts”, members of the brainless mainstream media and totalitarian inclined politicians and start hanging them by the neck until dead. Then we can start putting an end to this Covid plandemic hoax once and for all.”

Pan Goatee agreed and then shut off the TV so he could catch his bus.

There weren’t any facially aesthetically challenged women on the bus when he first got on so Goatee was thankful.

Several bus stops down a really repulsively ugly looking stoat and her moronic low IQ boyfriend got on.

But the uglo and her moronic boyfriend decided to sit several seats down from the genetically created satyr serial killer so Goatee wasn’t confronted by the sights of sheer ugliness and walking moronism.

However the ugly looking stoat happened to have an obnoxious big mouth and kept shooting her mouth off about totally irrelevant disgusting things.

When the uglo started singing

“Let’s go and get high
Don’t ask me why
My addiction is my ex
Let’s go and have sex
I want a midnight fuck
Laid like a flattened dump truck..”

“To think that such incredible talent is now lost to the world forever,” Pan Goatee commented as he beheaded the crap rap hip hop uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then did the same to her moronic boyfriend.

Later downtown he beheaded a lot more uglos as they seemed to be spreading faster than veneral disease at a U.S. Democratic Party Convention.

Later when he got on the bus to go back home a fat ugly blimp was sitting at his favourite spot on the bus so he beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As more uglos got on and he beheaded them all, Goatee commented, “I’m starting to feel like U.S. Postal Service Employee Norman Newman when he explained to Seinfeld why many letter carriers start going ballistic and shooting up people. “The mail,” said Newman, “It just keeps coming and coming. It never stops. It never ends.” This is fast becoming a neverending tragedy.”

Krampus, whose sack was getting heavier and heavier with the remains of all the uglos that Pan had beheaded, had to agree.

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, the Satanic AntiPope Francis was being forced to kneel and genuflect and kiss the ass of one of his globalist backers.

“Now your Unholiness,” the globalist backer wagged his finger, “I want you to make an official Vatican announcement that alien ET reptilian lizard people are here and alive and well and living among us.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 11th
2022.

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Francis: Come On Do The Pachamama With Him

March 24, 2022 at 11:06 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s vision of the actress who will play Pachamama in the Martin Scorsese made film about the life of the Inca earth mother goddess who is a red dragon that lives in the flames under the Earth but is able to shapeshift into a beautiful woman who walks on the earth or lives in the sky above the earth

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster got a premonition that director Martin Scorsese was going to make a film about Pachamama the Inca earth mother goddess that satanic AntiPope Francis was going to consecrate all of humanity and in particular Russia and Ukraine to (although he was claiming it was to the Virgin Mary).

Then Michelangelo got a vision of the actress who would play Pachamama in the Martin Scorsese film.

Michelangelo’s lobster tank exploded when he saw the vision.

. . .

Jeffrey the otter had somehow managed to stumble into DARPA headquarters after having drunk too many bottles of Elon Musk’s Mars Project Green Minnow Beer.

Jeffrey put on the radio where the DARPA wireless was picking up secret radio transmissions from the Vatican.

The radio transmissions were playing a song that Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had secretly recorded a couple of years ago.

The song was to the tune of Kylie Minogue’s song The Loco-Motion.

Jeffrey heard Bergoglio sing,

“Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now
(Come on baby do the Pachamama)
I know you’ll get to like it if you give it a chance now
(Come on baby do the Pachamama) …

… You gotta swing your hips now…

Come on baby do the Pachamama with me…”

. . .

And tomorrow everybody would be doing the Pachamama with Pope Francis as Francis would be consecrating the world, the church, humanity and Russia and Ukraine to Pachamama (but doing so under the guise that he was doing it to Mary) in union with all the bishops of the world.

Meanwhile as the Set Enterprises’ long suffering janitor was busy mopping up the mess left by yet another of Michelangelo’s exploded lobster tanks, the psychic crustacean had yet another vision.

Actor/director Mel Gibson was reading the story of the statue of Our Lady of Copacabana.

Francisco Tito Yupanqui (1550-1616) an amateur Inca sculptor and a descandant of Huayna Capac (1464-1524) who had been the third Sapa Inca (Emperor) of the Inca Empire (which lasted from 1438 to 1533) desired to carve a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

He carved many wooden statues but was unsatisfied with the result.

On February 2nd 1582 the Virgin Mary appeared to Francisco Tito Yupanqui with a message.

Francisco Tito Yupanqui used the vision to carve his next statue.

Howver this statue somehow wound up in a river.

It was found by the priest of the village of Copacabana a year later on February 2nd 1583 and was dedicated in the church there.

Today that statue of the Virgen de Copacabana is the Patron Saint of Bolivia.

Mel Gibson recalled that prior to 2019, the message Our Lady of Copacabana gave to Francisco Tito Yupanqui was found in many accounts on the Net.

After 2019 the message was scrubbed and erased from the Net.

What was the message of Our Lady of Copacabana to Francisco Tito Yupanqui?

“I know there are some among your people who still worship the old goddess Pachamama. Stop worshipping her. She is a demon.”

Of course in October of 2019, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) brought a statue of Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens and later into the presence of the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica itself.

Thus the Virgin Mary’s warning about Pachamama being a demon suddenly disappeared.

. . .

Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish in West London was having a discussion with one of his parishioners Amadeus Emanon about the text of Pope Francis’ proposed consecration of humanity, Russia and Ukraine to Mary (?).

Said Father Saint Edmunds, “I noticed MP Renfield’s friend a Calgary based geopolitical analyst says that most of the text is just a rehash of globalist, radical environmentalist and Communist Marxist-Leninist crap and propaganda. In other words just a rehash of everything that Francis has said in every official document and major statement he has released since the start of his so-called pontificate.”

“What about the words of Consecration itself?” Amadeus asked.

“Here’s where it gets interesting,” Father Saint Edmunds answered, “At one point it says in the English text “Queen of Heaven, restore God’s peace to the world”. Now as you know many Protestants object to the Catholic description of Mary as Queen of Heaven because of the passages in Jeremiah condemning worship of the Queen of Heaven that are to be found in Jeremiah 7:18 and Jeremiah 44: 17-25. Interestingly enough though that title Queen of Heaven for Ashtoreth in the ancient Assyrian and Babylonian languages was actually rendered Queen of The Land In The Sky. It was translated Queen of Heaven into Hebrew and then into Greek and then into Latin and then into English as Queen of Heaven but since the time of Christ while Heaven might be regarded metaphorically as the Land In The Sky, Heaven is regarded by the Church as the abode of God and the Saints in a realm beyond time and space. The Land In The Sky is a very spatial/temporal term while Heaven since the time of Christ refers to a realm beyond the spatial/temporal. Thus Mary called Queen of Heaven is actually a very metaphysical term while Queen of the Land In The Sky which is what Ashtoreth was actually called in the Assyrian and Babylonian languages is very much a term associated with this universe i.e. this creation. And worship of the creation is idolatry or paganism.”

“Interesting,” Amadeus acknowledged.

“Here’s where it gets even more interesting, the English text says (Queen of) Heaven but the Spanish, Portuguese and Italian texts are rendered differently. What’s called Heaven in English is rendered “tierra del Cielo” in Spanish, “terra do Ceu” in Portuguese and “terra del Cielo” in Italian. All of those terms roughly translate to Earth In The Sky or Land In The Sky. And who goes by that title Queen of The Land In The Sky? Other than Ashtoreth in the ancient Assyrian and Babylonian religions? The Pachamama demon. The land in the sky is one of the Pachamama’s domains. “Tierra del Cielo” is an official Pachamama title. It is “wenu mapu” in the Mapuche language and religion.”

“So Francis is effectively consecrating the world, the church, humanity and specifically Russia and Ukraine to the demon Pachamama?” Amadeus was horrified.

“That’s right,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds nodded.

“What do you think this will cause?” Amadeus wiped his brow with his handkerchief.

“Most likely either a nuclear World War III or the appearance of the Antichrist on the global stage or both,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds answered.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 24th
2022

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The Children of Hecate

March 13, 2022 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee visits a local community college and its Hall of Fame

World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was walking down the street when he saw a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low-IQ boyfriend rushing towards a bus stop even though there was no bus approaching.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into auto boomerang mode and threw it at the uglo-moronic duo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded her moronic low-IQ boyfriend and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

As Krampus arrived on the scene to pick up the remains and take them down to Tartarus, the machete then went to a nearby Chinese laundromat to get all the blood and guck washed off it before returning to Pan Goatee as a boomerang.

The initial test for this boomerang astral laser machete was originally conducted by Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie at his Cumelita Show down in Sydney, Australia.

That test was an initial disaster resulting in the beheadings and deaths of hundreds of Uncle Ernie’s paying customers who were sitting in the audience.

The machete was wisely given to a German aeronautics firm who used their German aerodynamic skills to make the astral laser machete into the weapon that it is today.

As opposed to whatever Uncle Ernie’s bumbling Australian “what the Hell is he doing skills?” would have turned it into.

Later as Pan Goatee was enjoying a Big Mac and Diet Coke inside a McDonald’s, his enjoyment was interrupted by a thin ugly looking stoat and her two ugly looking offspring entering the restaurant section where he was sitting.

Goatee beheaded the slim ugly looking stoat uglo and her two ugly looking offspring and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each while commenting, “To think all this pre-emptive strike action was brought about by the Austro-Hungarian Augustinian monk Gregor Johann Mendel and his ground breaking genetic research into garden peas.”

“I wonder if Mendel’s peas left such a mess behind on the floor?” A customer commented as he watched all the blood and body parts gathering on the floor prior to Krampus’ arrival.

“They would have if he was diabetic,” Jarod Jerome Le Gnome commented.

Meanwhile in Victoria, British Columbia, B.C.’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant NDP Premier John Horgan was insulting the B.C. Freedom Truckers’ Convoy who were planning to descend on the provincial capital in protest against the socialist despot’s draconian vaccine mandates and lockdowns.

Horgan was condescending towards his opponents like all pompous and arrogant champagne socialist despots are.

“Goodness me, get a hobby,” Horgan’s gums flapped like the wind at the world’s biggest pork and beans barbeque and chili cook-off.

Horgan had a B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pie thrown in his face by a Kootenay area sasquatch whose hobby was throwing B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pies into the faces of people who are total assholes.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was wondering why Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis wasn’t dead yet.

He had watched Francis drink the entire cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea with the piece of wolfsbane and the jade key to Beijing’s forbidden city in it.

He had also watched Francis eat the recipe for Uncle Ernie’s vegetarian based koala bear and kangaroo meat stew also without any noticeable side effects.

“The man must have sold his soul to the devil to withstand such poisons,” Salaman deduced.

Meanwhile Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was sitting reading a newspaper at the Yaroviv military training area in Ukraine which is about 12 miles from the Polish border and about 25 miles from the city of Lviv located in western Ukraine.

Among the headlines Yaldabaoth read was “Barack Obama Says He Tested Positive For Covid-19”.

Interesting, Yaldabaoth mused.

This was followed by another headline that read, “Justin Trudeau Says He Tested Positive For Syphilis”.

Very interesting, Yaldabaoth mused again.

Suddenly the Yaroviv military base was struck by 30 missiles fired by Russian warplanes flying over the Black and Azov Seas.

Yaldabaoth dropped a load- Joe Biden style- when the attack hit.

“Thank God you shit green and not brown,” the ghost of W.C. Fields remarked as he was playing a game of golf in the area.

The ghost of Orson Welles meanwhile sat in his arm chair in the living room of the Set Mansion in London.

He read some recent history.

“In early 2013 Jen Psaki, when she was spokesperson for the Hillary Clinton State Department, was asked about secret plans for a proposed coup d’etat against the then government of Ukraine.
A year later the Obama Administration, with the support of George Soros’ financing, helped set up the new anti-Russia government of Ukraine.”

“In 2015, it was revealed that George Soros had spent hundreds of millions of dollars in Ukraine and had planted special operatives throughout the country.
This was not done to make Ukraine an independent and sovereign nation state (since Soros hates independent and sovereign nation states) but to make Ukraine an invioable part of the New World Order proposed by Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.”

“Then in 2017, Neo-Con Senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain travelled to Ukraine and promised top military leaders that “the U.S. would give them everything they need to go to war against Vladimir Putin.”

Welles’ ghost organized the scene in his mind.

3 witches (children of Hecate) on a Scottish heath are transported to Ukraine.

Jen Psaki along with Lindsey Graham and John McCain in drag are the 3 witches.

“When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?”.

“When the hurly-burly’s done,
when the battle’s lost and won.”

“That will be ere the set of sun.”

“Where the place?”.

“Upon the heath.”

“There to meet with MacPutin.”

While Welles’ ghost meditated upon and directed the scene in his mind,
British MP Renfield R. Renfield entered the room and announced, “Did you know that Renfield was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Sunday March 13th
2022.

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Pan Goatee and The Tragedy of A City Engulfed In Uglos

March 12, 2022 at 10:27 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee gives advice to a Malaysian youth on what pastel colours to wear to a Michael Voris retreat

There was no doubt about it.

The City of Calgary was engulfed by uglos.

They were everywhere.

Ruining people’s days.

Sneaking up on people out of the blue.

And a blue colour that might be worn like the likes of the wig wearing self-proclaimed chaste sodomite Opus Dei apologist for Pope Francis- Michael Voris.

Leading people to Hell by saying that the last vomit of Satan (aka Jorge Mario Bergoglio) was the true Pope.

And Calgary was not only leading people to Hell.

It was Hell.

With the vast number of repulsive uglo females walking its streets.

Pan Goatee was walking up a street when a repulsively ugly medium sized ugly gargoyle tried to walk past him.

“What is it with you uglos being total morons?” Pan Goatee raised his astral laser machete and beheaded the ugly looking thing, “Don’t you know who I am?.”

He then cut the ugly looking thing up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc. pieces.

There wasn’t much left of the repulsive uglo to carry down to Tartarus by the time Krampus arrived.

Pan Goatee then went to a McDonald’s where he bought a diet Coke and then read the local newspaper which he didn’t read back in the days when it was full of Covid propaganda and BS.

What was true in the War in Ukraine he wondered?

Just that a visible demon Vladimir Putin was battling the in the closet demons of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab.

He wondered if the genetically created ugly women of Calgary was a Putin plot to demoralize the West?

It was certainly demoralizing the City of Calgary.

What a place for a Brian Bulroney (Brian Bulroney a Progressive Conservative asshole from Quebec had been the worst Prime Minister Canada had ever had prior to the advent of Justin Castro Trudeau) Conservative loser like Jean Charest to announce that he was running for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party?

Making the announcement in a city of uglo women.

No wonder Charest was the Canadian brainless mainstream media’s darling and favoured choice to be the next Canadian Federal Tory leader.

Pan Goatee personally favoured Dr. Leslyn Lewis for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party.

Goatee suddenly noticed a medium sized ugly gargoyle and her more attractive friend enter the McDonald’s but then they went and sat at the back of the restaurant where such uglos and their friends belong.

Later when Goatee left the restaurant, he noticed the ugly gargoyle and her friend walking down the sidewalk.

They then walked in front of him.

Goatee beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then did the same to her more attractive friend just on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.

Goatee then walked to the Dollarama store.

The same one where he had beheaded the big heap ugly squaw and her moronic non-brave boyfriend yesterday.

Today when he entered he was shocked to see that a fat ugly blimp was working as the cashier.

He then beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee headed across the street to the grocery store.

There he passed a police cruiser where the testosterone filled jackass had parked the police vehicle on most of the sidewalk blocking access to pedestrians.

The Fascist pig cop was giving a hard time to a homeless person who had dared to sit and rest on a bench.

“Come on!” The pig oinked like Klaus Barbie on steroids, “Go to a homeless shelter or something. These benches are meant for respectable folk to sit on and not the likes of you.”

Goatee removed his astral laser machete from his sheath and beheaded the New World Order porker.

He then cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus arrived on scene to carry the porker to the deepest level of Tartarus.

Goatee went into the grocery store.

He was pleased to see that his Friday afternoon massacre of uglos yesterday had done its job and there were no uglos to be seen.

Goatee purchased a package of genuine Alberta cheddar cheese- his favourite- and headed home.

As he walked along the sidewalk heading towards his neighbourhood a repulsive fat ugly blimp who could have entered her car from her house before Goatee’s arrival or after Goatee’s arrival chose the moment that Goatee was walking down the sidewalk to ungrace the world with her obnoxious presence.

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion pieces x 999 trillion pieces ad infinitum.

There wasn’t much left of the repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp by the time Krampus arrived on the scene to carry the remains down to Tartarus.

Goatee also beheaded the fat ugly blimp’s more attractive friend and dismembered her on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.

. . .

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was concerned with Pope Francis’ covert plans for an Unholy Holy Crusade against the Russian people because of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau had expressed his support for the idea while in Poland and Latvia.

Senile old fool Joe Biden was thinking of flying the Pope to a nuclear missile silo where the pontiff would sprinkle some Unholy Holy Water on the nuclear missile that would be used in a “limited” nuclear war strike on Moscow.

Cardinal Salaman decided that the only solution would be to bump Bergoglio off.

After all good Popes had been bumped off in the past (the most recent having been Albino Cardinal Luciani Pope John Paul I back in the early autumn of 1978 who wished to throw the Mafia money launderers out of the Vatican Bank).

Why not bump off a bad Pope?

With his gloved hands, Samhain Cardinal Salaman put the slice of wolfsbane into Bergoglio’s cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea.

And then dropped the key to Beijing’s forbidden city into it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 12th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads An Airheaded Thin Ugly Stoat

March 10, 2022 at 10:37 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

According to the Pan Goatee Classification System of Ugly Women (which was the most accurate classification system of ugly women ever developed by man or satyr), there were 3 categories of ugly women; the thin ugly stoat, the medium sized ugly gargoyle and the fat ugly blimp.

As Pan Goatee was sitting besides the second door at the front of a Public Transit bus, a thin ugly stoat (who had been sitting at the back of the bus where she belonged) decided to get uppity (way beyond her uglo station in life) and decided to walk up towards the front and get off at the door near where Pan Goatee was sitting.

A total airheaded move.

But then again most uglos are not noted for either their beauty or their brains.

Goatee grabbed his astral laser machete and beheaded the thin ugly stoat.

He then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat carried the uglo stoat’s remains down to Tartarus.

Pan Goatee then did a TV commercial for a custom built coffin maker.

. . .

Pope Francis was debating whether he should call for a Holy Crusade against Russia on behalf of Ukraine and the George Soros-Klaus Schwab New World Order.

How many years should he knock off Purgatory (that he didn’t believe in) to those who took up the Crusade?

How many Get Out of Hell (that he didn’t believe in) Free cards should he issue to those who took up the Crusade?

As he sat there, Phoenix Diabolicus (the fallen angel who was 2nd in charge to Lucifer) approached him, “I think it’s an excellent idea for you to call an Unholy Holy Crusade against Russia.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday
March 10th 2022

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Corona: A Crown For Klaus

February 12, 2022 at 8:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The holographic image of a poisonous flower appears behind the woman in the photo

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank when he had another vision.

It was of Bill Gates and Dr. Anthony Fauci looking at a photo of a woman in Germany from the 1940s.

“So the Nazis were into holographic imagery?” Bill Gates looked surprised as he ate his Lesser Saint James Island pizza.

“Apparently so,” Fauci ate his Lolita’s Pasta House spaghetti.

“And what flower was this a holographic image of?” Gates asked Fauci as he spoke in Mandarin to his CCP handler on his phone.

“It’s called the Mariphasa lupine lumina,” Fauci explained, “It is also called the Wolf Flower and also the Phosphorescent Wolf Flower. It is a strange flower that grows only in Tibet and only grows at night by the light of the moon. It was mentioned in the 1935 film Werewolf of London that starred Henry Hull.”

“Wasn’t it supposed to serve as a cure for lycanthropy or werewolfism?” Gates served dog food to his cat.

Fauci, who was secretly wishing that Gates’ cat was a beagle, answered, “It does. But given to humans especially those with a weakened immune system (like those who have taken our jabs have), it causes them to go into convulsions and die a violent horrible death. So much so that the demons Baal and Moloch will be immensely pleased.”

“And you propose that we put the extract from this flower into our fifth and sixth booster shots?” Gates put on his costume of Paul Atreides the hero of the book Dune.

“I do,” Fauci grinned.

Meanwhile in the City of Rome, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was the satanic antipope Francis) was taking a crown of roses off the head of a statue of Our Lady of Fatima and putting it on the head of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 12th
2022.

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Charlene Chan and The Blasphemous Satanic AntiPope

February 2, 2022 at 11:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Charlene Chan stops to take a selfie in between sessions of torturing Communist China’s tyrannical paramount leader Xi Jinping

Charlene Chan was a member of a secret anti-Communist group the Chinese Constantinian Society.

The purpose of the society was to overthrow tyrannical megalomaniac Xi Jinping’s regime and replace it with a Christian Emperor.

Hence the name Constantinian in the Society’s name.

Just as Constantine overthrew the pagan Roman Emperors of West and East to become Rome’s 1st Christian Emperor, so a closet Christian PLA General (the secret head of the society) would overthrow the atheistic (but still demon worshipping) Neo-Maoist tyrant Xi Jinping.

In the meantime they would play mind games with the demonic despot Xi until he was overthrown.

On this 2nd day of the Chinese Lunar New Year, Charlene Chan and her fellow Chinese Constantinian Society operatives had kidnapped Xi Jinping and taken him to a Beijing hotel room where he was forced to watch an edited assortment of movie clips of caucasian white guys Warner Oland and Sidney Toler playing Chinese detective Charlie Chan in Hollywood films of the 1930s and ’40s.

The clips showed the immaculate spotless white suited Charlie Chan quoting sayings of Confucius that Confucius never said.

The non-Confucius sayings of Confucius whose puns in the quoted sayings only made sense in English and not Mandarin or Cantonese Chinese were having their intended effects on destroying Xi’s mind.

Plus he was also extremely discombulated by the fact that Charlie Chan never seemed to get any food stains on the immaculate spotless white suits that he always wore (never wearing any other colour).

Xi wondered what sort of Chinese laundries they must have had in Honolulu and San Francisco back in the day.

. . .

Meanwhile in Ottawa, caucasian black guy (because he was once again in blackface) Justin Trudeau was reading the Groundhog Day report on the prognostications of the groundhog for this Groundhog Day of 2022.

The groundhog had decreed, “The groundhog predicts at least six more weeks of attempts by totalitarian governments to flatten people’s rights and freedoms.”

The groundhog wore a t-shirt that read JUSTIN TRUDEAU SUCKS XI’S SWEET AND SOUR SHRIMP.

Justin Trudeau immediately released a statement denouncing the groundhog as “racist, misogynyst, Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, germophobic and Antichristphobic.”

. . .

In Rome, the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) issued the following statement for the Feast of Candlemass also known as the Feast of The Purification of Our Lady and also known as the Feast of The Presentation of Christ In The Temple,

“Those who have denied the Faith, who are apostates, who are the persecutors of the Church, who have denied their baptism, are these also at home?” to which the blathering heretical idiot and apostate answered his own question, “Yes, these too. All of them. The blasphemers, all of them. We are brothers. This is the Communion of Saints.”

Nimrod the frog (and friend of the cigarette smoking demon of lust known as Asmodeus) who wasn’t exactly Christian in his own beliefs nevertheless shouted at Francis after his spiel, “I renounce you as Christ’s enemy and Antichrist.”

Shortly before Francis delivered his sodomite drivel, a man attending the Wednesday general audience shouted at the apostate Pontiff in English and then in Italian, “God rejects you.”

He was immediately arrested by Swiss Guards.

As he was led away in handcuffs, a red dress wearing lady of the evening said to the arrested man, “Sir, I perceive that you are a Prophet.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 2nd
2022.

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