Asmodeus In London

April 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).

“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.

Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.

The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.

Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.

As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.

Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.

At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.

Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.

“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.

“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”

“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.

Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.

“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”

Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.

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Allatallahbel On A Desert Highway, Golgotha and DNA Altering Swedish Meatballs

March 14, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel on a desert highway in Nevada

It had recently come to the attention of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were investigating the mysterious death of Argentine adult film star Natacha Jaitt.

German Cardinal Walter Kasper had told her this investigation might prove hazardous to the pontificate of Pope Francis.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio had proved to be a very accomodating useful idiot to her Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Freemasonic allies.

Allatallahbel decided she better do something to end the investigation.

She had discovered their investigation had taken them to an Argentine run casino in Las Vegas Nevada.

Now it was taking them to a little known polar bear fur trading post in the Nevada desert which was proving to be a huge Donald Trump approved tax write-off for the Argentine run casino.

Allatallahbel put on her best desert highway hitchhiking attire on the road Agathor and Magog would be driving towards the money losing polar bear fur trading post:

Both men (who were not wearing seat belts) went flying through the windshields of their Budget Rent-A-Car Volkswagen when Magog hit the brakes upon seeing her.

. . .

DARPA contract assasin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had felt a craving for a Meatball Marinara sub sandwich at the Subway store in a nearby mall.

He had gone there and discovered to his horror that a ugly looking woman was already in line at the counter in front of him.

Goatee whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women promptly beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

He had lost his appetite upon seeing the ugly looking creature and decided to walk to a nearby discount supermarket to buy some bottles of generic brand Diet Cola.

He of course got in line behind a beautiful looking woman.

But then an ugly looking woman who was stupid as well as ugly that was in front of the beautiful looking woman had discovered that she had brought the wrong brands of pizza- the ones not on sale- and tried getting in Pan Goatee’s way to go get the properly discounted ones.

Goatee promptly beheaded the ugly looking airhead.

“To raise the collective IQ of the world and improve the Earth’s aesthetic beauty all in one stroke,” Goatee remarked as he put the astral laser machete back in his Clint Eastwood autographed Two Mules For Sister Sarah spaghetti western holster.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith inside one of the catacombs in Rome

Lilith was in one of the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

Near one of the tombs of the ancient Nephilim giants that the Vatican had kept hidden from the world for centuries.

On the grave of a rare Nephilim dwarf, Imhotep the Rome-based Egyptian souvenir vendor and former High Priest-Scientist of Ra was working overtime to save the Undead life of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.

He had found Kohler’s body after the latter had been shot with silver bullets fired at him by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing at the Latin numeral Clock of Thoth in London a couple of nights ago.

Imhotep had used a papal dirigible The Sindenburg to fly the body from London to Rome.

He had extracted the silver bullets from Kohler’s body while on the Sindenburg and then used a brew of extracts of three tana leaves (as recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to keep the SS vampire alive.

Now he was about to use a brew of extracts of nine tana leaves (also recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to restore full movement, life and consciousness back to the SS vampire.

Lilith smiled as she saw Kohler’s eyes open and then ask, “Does anybody know where I can buy some good Bavarian beer sausage?”.

. . .

The Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth was having a lunch of Guinness stout and pork pies with the Himalayan golden cobra serpent Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland a couple of years ago.

“Do you know what they’re now claiming in Pakistan?” Yaldabaoth asked Maitreya.

“No, what?” Maitreya asked as he used a New Age crystal healing stone (highly recommended by Tom Brady’s witch wife Gisele Bundchen) to try to re-heat his pork pie.

“That the recent Indian air strikes on Pakistan were part of a combined Hindu-Zionist plot to destroy Pakistan,” Yaldabaoth downed a full 72 ounce glass of Guinness, “and that Israeli Air Force pilots even participated in the air strikes on Pakistan.”

“How stupid can people get,” Maitreya remarked as using the New Age healing stone to re-heat his pork pie seemed to be going nowhere.

“I hope this won’t affect me any,” Yaldabaoth gorged down a whopping piece of pork pie, “my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom told the Neo-Platonist schools of Alexandria that I Yaldabaoth am the same entity as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews. She came up with this idea after going on a hallucinogenic trip when she drank some fermented juice that was given her by the Hindu moon god Soma. This idea has since passed into Gnosticism where many Gnostic groups are convinced that I’m a bumbling demi-urge who stupidly created the material universe- the same charge that’s leveled against Yahweh.”

“I think with your love of pork pies,” Maitreya threw away the New Age healing stone in disgust, “no one would mistake you for the god of the Hebrews.”

. . .


Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess ready to steal some DNA altering Swedish meat balls from a combined lab and kitchen in Stockholm.

The vampiress Golgotha had been sent to Stockholm Sweden by her mother the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

It had come to the attention of Lilith’s vast intelligence network that the Norse goddess Freya working in concert with the famous Swedish-Italian cook Chef Bjorg Jar (pronounced Yar) Dee had invented some DNA altering Swedish meatballs which, when consumed, gave people super human strength.

Lilith desired these DNA altering Swedish meatballs for the vast army of warriors she was building in Central Asia.

And now Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess would be battling the intelligence agencies of the world in the kitchens of Stockholm to get the secret recipe for these DNA altering Swedish meatballs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 14th
2019.

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Cthulhu’s Cardinal and A Welsh Werewolf On Saint David’s Day

March 1, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The February 1928 issue of Weird Tales in which H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu is first introduced to the world in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu”.

Since Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s official episcopal title (bestowed on him by Pope Francis) was the Archbishop of the Welsh Diocese of Llanthony Abbey and the Black Mountains (a diocese officially created for the kabbalistic magic practicing former professional stage magician by Pope Francis), the Kabbalistic Cardinal said a Mass in commemoration of Saint David since Saint David is the Patron Saint of Wales and today March 1st was Saint David’s Day.

After saying Mass and having a breakfast of Welsh rarebit that frightened off the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre’s painted egg laying rabbit Vincent Van Yolk because he thought the cardinal said “Welsh rabbit”, Cardinal Salaman had coffee with the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (As the Cardinal was known by his initials being the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service).

Salaman informed JM that the gypsy vampiress and resident Vatican tarot card reader Stephania Borgia had prophecied that he, Samhain Cardinal Salaman, would become the next Pope if he could convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.

This would of course entail Salaman to visit his diocese in Wales in hopes of finding himself a Welsh werewolf.

The problem was since Francis had already artificially created a new diocese in Wales to make Cardinal Salaman an Archbishop, where would this new Welsh werewolf (if he could find one) Cardinal have his diocese?

Cardinal JM laughed and said, “No problem. Pope Francis has already named a committee to see if it’s possible to canonize H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu a Cathoic Saint since the Holy Father feels that naming the hundreds of meters tall octopus, dragon and giant human hybrid Great Old One malevolent deity who came down from the dark stars a Catholic Saint would constitute a huge breakthrough in ecumenism and inter-faith dialogue.”


Cthulhu: Will he be proclaimed a Catholic Saint by Pope Francis?

“Well, it probably would constitute that,” Cardinal Salaman had to admit, “but how will that help me out?”.

“Well, His Holiness is thinking of declaring the lost South Pacific City of R’lyeh (close to that ocean’s Nemo point) where Cthulhu and his other vast loathsome shaped entity Great Old Ones reside hidden in green slimy vaults in the nighmare corpse city beneath the sea a Catholic Archdiocese which will of course require an Archbishop.”

“My problem is solved,” Salaman smiled as he threw the tarot card of Death down on the table.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was being briefed by the Australian-French head of the French Intelligence Service Inspector Jocko Clouseau that the right-wing populist government of Italy was plotting his overthrow.

“How do they plan to do this?” Macron asked as he ate his French toast that had been prepared in the shape of a cougar.

“They’ve formed an alliance with a Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI who is intent on restoring the Bonapartist Empire to France with himself as Emperor,” Clouseau read aloud from his ketchup and gravy covered notes, “This Kraken used to be the Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who, after he was diagnosed with an incurable fatal disease, uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg Octopus- part living octopus and part robot. The self-proclaimed Napoleon VI later met and married the immortal Medusa who was the Gorgon of Greek mythological fame. Medusa is now a good looking and sexy woman again thanks to a radical haircut that removed her snakes that was administered by the famous British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands the 2nd.”

“Did you say that this Medusa was a sexy and good looking woman again?” Macron was down to his third last piece of cougar toast.

“That is correct,” Clouseau pulled a cheeseburger out of his coat pocket and started eating it.

“Being immortal, she’s probably a lot older than I am,” Macron reflected as he was down to his second last piece of cougar toast.

“Undoubtedly,” Clouseau added a pinch of garlic to his cheeseburger.

“I’d like to meet her,” Macron wiped his mouth with a napkin after finishing his last piece of cougar.

. . .


Medusa was once again a sexy looking woman.

. . .


Celebrating Saint David’s Night at her home in Wales was the Welsh vampiress MP Morgana.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was about to celebrate Saint David’s Night in Wales with the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Minutes later at a Bed and Breakfast down the street, her former political opponent in the last British general election the former Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was awakened by the resulting tantric sex earthquake.

The former MP now turned Private Eye (who was also a werewolf) longed for a silver bullet so he could get some sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 1st
2019.

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Pope Francis Opens Synod On Sex Abuse By Putting Foot In His Mouth

February 20, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

This was the opening of the Vatican special synod on sex abuse.

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat in the chamber as special theological advisors to the body.

Pope Francis opened the synod by angrily waving his finger in the air and pontificating in Josef Stalinesque fashion, “Those who do nothing but criticize, criticize, criticize, criticize and further criticize the Church are friends of the Devil.”

Baphomet looked concernedly at Baal over these words.

Baal smiled reassuringly as he helped himself to a large tin of fresh unborn babies, “I think the Devil that the Unholy Father is referring to is the same Devil that the 19th Century French sorcerer Eliphas Levi referred to in his 1860 book The History of Magic and the Scottish Rite Freemasonic occultist Albert Pike referred to in his 1872 work Morals and Dogma which is the Devil is Adonai (the God of the Hebrews). Adonai and Lucifer are both God. Adonai is the dark evil side of God. And Lucifer is the lightbearing side of God.”

“That makes sense,” Baphomet tried to remain calm for the male/female human goat demon transgendered hybrid was having a bad day.

His/her breasts were lactating, his/her female genitalia was undergoing her period and his/her male genitalia kept undergoing premature ejaculations every 5 minutes.

In many ways, Baphomet’s current state was almost symbolic of the entire U.S. Democratic Party- the vast majority of whose members either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped the transgendered human goat demon hybrid.

As for Baal and Baphomet’s demonic rivals Mammon and Mephistopheles (either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped by the vast majority of U.S. Republicans), they were in the White House wondering how to get Trump out of the Oval Office and their own man Jared Kushner in.

As Pope Francis lambasted his critics for daring to criticize him and calling them “Friends of the Devil” (who may or may not be Adonai depending upon whether one is a practicing occultist or not), a group of victims of priestly sex abuse shivered in the cold out in Saint Peter’s Square wondering whether Francis would bother to meet with them.

He did not.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was anything but a true Vicar of Christ) continued to pave his way towards eventually winning the Ecclesiastical Asshole of The Millennium Award.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 20th
2019.


Pan: The Father of Baphomet who was turned to stone by the head of Medusa as he lay dying.
The stoned Pan now lies in the Vatican.

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Hell Celebrates 6th Anniversary of Pope Benedict’s Resignation Announcement

February 11, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Newbridge in Wales MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana, “It looks like I may have to arrange to have Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles shot off with a semi-automatic weapon after all. I see The Manchester Guardian is reporting that the Pakistani government is refusing to let Christian woman and alleged Mohammed blasphemer Asia Bibi leave the country to join her daughters in Canada. I told that overrated cricket player they have for a national leader that unless he lets Asia leave Pakistan, his balls are toast.”

Renfield went to the washroom carrying the toilet paper he had ordered with pictures of the Prophet Mohammed on each sheet (he ordered it after reading the article).


DARPA Contract Assassiness Panty Goatee: Hired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to shoot off Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles with a semi-automatic weapon when she gets the text message from Renfield, “Cricket balls will be all that he has left to play with.”

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper the head of the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican opened his drawers trying to see if he could find his rolls of toilet paper that alternated between pictures of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary on each sheet.

The night before, Cardinal Kasper (the Unfriendly Unholy Ghost as he was called by nickname) had opened up another pair of drawers to let the combined incubus/succubus called the Baphomet “come shining through” as the Cyndi Lauper song True Colours played on a record player on a dressing table next to his bed.

Now a virtually unknown and extremely rare record of the late great Jimmy Durante singing a little known hit, “Do you have a pain-us in your anus?” was playing on the record player.

Cardinal Kasper stopped the gramophone.

The song hit a little too close for comfort as far as memories of his nighttime encounter with the Baphomet went.

The Cardinal then walked over to his iPhone X where he wrote a statement condemning the Manifesto of Faith written by Gerhard Cardinal Muller (the former Prefect of The Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith who had been appointed by Pope Benedict XVI in 2012 and fired by Pope Francis the Zero in 2017) and released this past weekend.

In the Manifesto of Faith, Cardinal Muller defended belief in the Trinity, the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ, the Sacraments, the moral law and the prospects of eternal life.

“These are not true Catholic doctrines,” Cardinal Kasper protested in a text message to Pope Francis.

Kasper opened the door to his personal bathroom where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s astral twin was in the bathtub sacrificing 91 snow white hares from the Bavarian Alps to a statue of Baal/Moloch sitting atop the Norman Bates autographed Bates Motel showerhead in the tub area.

“Oops, sorry to disturb,” the Cardinal apologized and closed the bathroom door.

Next door in the Cardinal’s private Saint Gallen Chapel of Saint Hecate and All Witches, the Baphomet was ensuring that what he considered a naughty Italian schoolgirl (for wearing a traditional Crucifix) remained standing in the corner.

. . .


The 3 Witches who appeared to MacBeth the Thane of Glamis and later Cawdor. From left to right, the witches are Baphometa (daughter of Baphomet), Kalilama (daughter of Kali and Shiva whose name became lost to time) and Hecatelena (daughter of Hecate whose name also became lost to time).

The 3 Witches had been sent back in time to the year 1040 AD by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to meet with MacBeth.

Today they were present in the Vatican Gardens and meeting with the ghost of Lady MacBeth as well as the astral twins of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and White House advisor Jared Kushner.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 11th
2019.

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Baphomet, Baal and Santa Muerte In The Congressional Cafeteria

February 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to see if he could enhance the psychic powers of his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo by getting him to stare at a marble bust of the Greek nature satyr god Pan.

Michelangelo was only able to stare at Pan’s bust for 10 seconds before he brought up his dinner of a seaweed burger.

“He’s able to stare at the busts and other assets of the leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes a lot longer,” remarked Miss Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to Set Enterprises’ owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“Yes, but we don’t want any more lobster tank explosions,” Dr. Rocher didn’t want any more lab floodings that happened whenever his immortal and eternally young looking great-grandmother the professional dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) entered the lab.

Sherrielock Holmes playing Cathy in a stage production of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights back in the 1930s.

However just the sight of looking at the marble bust of Pan was enough to send Michelangelo into a terrifying vision of the present.

. . .

The demon Baphomet was walking through the Congressional cafeteria on Capitol Hill with his good friend and devilish godfather/godmother Santa Muerte (who was worshipped by drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico as their patron saint – he/she had originally been the fallen Archangel Samael but 85 years ago had become transgendered while living in Mexico and had undergone an extremely long transitioning process ever since- it was much longer for fallen angels like Samael than it was for mortal humans like Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner).

The two walked by House speaker Nancy Pelosi who was sitting there drinking Samuel Adams GOAT Beer (supposedly named after Tom Brady but really named after the Baphomet) and eating the cafeteria special of barbecued baby fingers and barbecued baby toes alongside the demon Baal.

“Well, the good thing is,” Santa Muerte/Samael slapped the Baphomet on the back, “is Pope Francis has now said that all religions are part of God’s plan in the joint statement that he signed on Human Fraternity with Sheikh Ahmad al-Tayyib the Grand Imam of Cairo’s al-Azhar University. So I guess that includes religions that worship us as well. This Pope Francis is certainly a lot more open minded than that Jesus Christ fellow ever was.”

They passed by a TV set in the cafeteria showing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo doing a TV commercial for new Buffalo New York style Buffalo Baby Fingers and Buffalo Baby Toes.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was thinking about the dreams he had been having every night since the start of this year.

He dreamt that he was visited each night by the Baphomet appearing to him as a combined incubus/succubus who had sexual relations with him.

He stopped to rub the fur of Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (a regular fixture around the Vatican since October 13th of 2017) as he pondered his dreams.


And in one of the Vatican greenhouses, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal performed a ceremony using Pope Francis’s Baphomet stang that he carried at the Vatican Synod On Youth last autumn.

. . .

After having had these frightening visions of the Congressional Cafeteria on Capitol Hill and of the Vatican, Michelangelo had a more pleasant vision.

A vision of the billionaire vampire Set’s personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon being married to the New Orleans vampiress/songstress Angelique Dumont in a beachside wedding on a tropical island a few years hence.

Wearing an extremely extremely powerful sunblock in addition to her wedding dress, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont is married to Amadeus Emanon in a beachside ceremony on a tropical island.

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New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party

January 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.

The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.

King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.

“How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.

The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.

Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.

Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.

The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.

With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.

Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.

Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.

She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.

Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.

Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.

So he looked up.

Whitstable gasped.

The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.

A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.

A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.

“Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.

The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.

A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 27th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.

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Aztec Vampire Princess To Be Hung In Venezuela While Pope Francis Meets Che Guevara’s Ghost In Panama

January 23, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec about to be hung at a Nicolas Maduro compound in Caracas Venezuela

For the past few years, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been plotting to overthrow the Stalinist government of President Nicolas Maduro in Venezuela.

Almost 2 weeks ago she had poisoned the head of Venezuela’s intelligence service on the date of Nicolas Maduro’s 2nd inauguration as President of Venezuela (he had won a fraudulent election last year in a campaign boycotted by the Opposition).

Now she had been captured by Maduro’s Venezuelan security services and was about to be hung.

Her secret whereabouts in Caracas had been revealed to the security services by the fallen Archangel Samael (who was the angel of death according to the Babylonian Talmud and was the entity (it wasn’t Lucifer the Devil) called Satan in the Book of Job).

Samael like Qonzilqointec lived in Mexico.

He had been living there since the early 1930s and had become a transitioning transgendered demon while living there in that decade of the ’30s (in that respect he was decades ahead of his time).

While transitioning and putting on women’s clothing, Samael had changed his name to Santa Muerte (the Spanish feminine name for Saint Death).

He/she was now of course the patron saint of drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico.

Samael/Santa Muerte had always considered the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec a rival for power in both Mexico and throughout Latin America.

When he found out she had gone to her secret revolutionary headquarters in Caracas on this day, he reported it to the Venezuelan security services who raided the place and arrested her.

When Santa Muerte heard the news of Qonzilqointec’s arrest and soon to be subsequent hanging, he/she drank 13 bottles of tequila, ate 13 worms from those bottles and plotted going over to the Aztec vampire princess’ Mexico City penthouse apartment to help himself/herself to Qonzilqointec’s lovely collection of skirts and dresses for himself/herself.

Ironically enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to be hung on the same day that Venezuela’s National Assembly head and Opposition leader Juan Guaido had sworn himself in as interim President of Venezuela in a move recognized by Canada, the U.S., Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Panama, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.

The Mexican government was waiting to see if Qonzilqointec would be hung first before announcing any change in policy.

Bolivia, Cuba, El Salvador and Nicaragua (all leftist governments on good terms with the Jesuit Pope Francis) were still recognizing Maduro as Venezuela’s President.

And speaking of Pope Francis, he was in Panama to attend World Youth Day events.

Prior to attending those events, the Pontiff would be meeting with the ghost of Che Guevara who was recently granted a dispensation by the Greek god Hades and the Norse goddess Hel (at Pope Francis’ request) to leave the Underworld for a brief time period.

Meanwhile in Havana Cuba where ironically the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike (a genetic clone of the Freemasonic racist Lucifer worshipping Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike) lived, Serena the Time Travelling magician was plotting his death.

Robur Pike who called himself Robur The Conqueror II (after Jules Verne’s character) flew around Cuba and the world in a Robur The Conqueror style airship.

Serena the Time Traveler was planning to use her steampunk missile gun to shoot it down.


Serena the Time Traveler ready to shoot down Robur The Conqueror II’s airship.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 23rd
2019.

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Renfield: An Example of Traditional Toxic Masculinity?

January 16, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Philosophy, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Rahaf Mohammed at a press conference in Toronto Ontario Canada yesterday.

At a press conference in Toronto yesterday, Rahaf Mohammed thanked Canada for granting her asylum.

She also dropped her family surname al-Qunun as her family had disowned her.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield when interviewed by CBC Radio Canada on the subject thought that this was an excellent idea on her part.

Particularly as social networking conspiracy theorists in the U.S. might link her with Q-Anon the supposed Deep State operative in the U.S. government who claimed the Deep State were plotting to oust Trump and bring leftist Democrats to power.

“Al-Qunun to Q-Anon,” Renfield pointed out, “This might confuse Alex Jones and other people like him.”

Radio-Canada asked Renfield who he thought Q-Anon was.

“Q-Anon,” Renfield replied, “is a supernatural spirit dragon entity named Kannon Bosatsu who poses as an 11-faced 1000 armed bodhisatvva who’s worshipped at various Buddhist monasteries in Kyoto, Japan. He’s considered the God of Mercy by these Buddhist monks in Kyoto as well as by Pope Francis in the Vatican. This Kannon (from whom Canon Japanese cameras get its name) can also spell his name Qannon. He decided to shorten it to Q-Anon when posing as an informer Deep State deep throat to conspiracy theorists in the U.S. for the same reason that PBS hires British commentators to explain to American audiences what’s happening on BBC dramas shown on PBS since Americans presumably have no clue to be able to figure out the plot of these shows themselves. Kannon to Qannon to Q-Anon – all these supernatural entities hide their true identity in plain sight. So American conspiracy theorists will never be able to figure it out since they don’t have a British commentator to explain it to them. Just like they never bother asking themselves if Donald Trump truly wants to save America like Deep State operative Q-Anon supposedly does, then why at his recent televised statements on the topic of the Wall did Trump have Jesuit priests wearing Baphomet figures rather than Christ figures on their Crosses standing behind him on one occasion and then on another occasion having a guy wearing a Masonic Great Architect of the Universe insigna pin on his lapel standing behind him and then actually speaking on the issue of border security and the Wall? All these demonic operatives are appearing in plain sight, showing up on news clips they show on their own YouTube channels and the channel hosts don’t even notice it. And they also should be asking themselves this question, walls can keep people out, yes, but can’t they also be used to keep people in?”.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was dressed as the Hitchcockian character of Norman Bates dressed as his mother to celebrate a Mass in honour of the demon Baphomet at the Vatican.

After kissing the Baphomet’s ass at the end of Mass, he then got on the phone to talk with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman on the subject of extraterrestrials visiting Earth.

. . .

The ghosts of Liberace and Truman Capote (recently granted dispensational leave from the Underworld by the Greek god Hades and the Norse goddess Hel) were dancing in one another’s arms in front of the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC as Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Chuck Schumer stood and applauded.

They were dancing over the news that the American Psychological Association had recently declared “traditional masculinity” toxic.

“I always knew traditional masculinity was toxic,” Capote’s ghost lisped, “I just knew it.”

“I knew it too,” Liberace’s ghost lisped back.

“I knew it before you did,” Capote lisped higher.

“No, you didn’t,” Liberace lisped higher still.

“Yes, I did,” Capote lisped higher and higher.

Soon both ghosts were involved in a psychedelically coloured bathrobe catfight as each man used their immaculately manicured ghostly fingernails to try to scratch the other.

They later did the same in a Washington DC deli fighting over the last piece of quiche pie.


In the days before non-toxic masculine ghosts were freed from Hel.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield stood facing reporters on the steps of the Westminster Parliament in London where his plans alongside British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to defeat Theresa May’s government on a non-confidence motion had gone up in smoke just as a Japanese Buddhist dragon with 11 faces and 1000 arms flew by while roasting marshmallows with his mouth.

“The vast majority of Members of Parliament have spoken,” Renfield stated and then added, “The bastards.”

Renfield was asked by a reporter about the growing influence of the #MeToo Movement and the MP answered thus, “The #MeToo Movement have metamorphosed into modern day disciples of the ancient Anatolian Phrygian mother goddess Cybele whose purpose is to make eunuchs of every single male on earth or at least subject them to a high degree of wussification, pansyfication and sissyfication.”

A psychologist member of the American Psychological Association who was standing nearby remarked that Renfield was a good example of traditional masculinity being toxic.

Renfield (who had a license to kill like James Bond 007) pulled out a gun and shot and killed the psychologist on the spot.

Later Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon when he heard the news remarked, “Well I guess Renfield’s masculinity did turn out to be toxic for that particular American psychologist.”

“Fatally so,” Amadeus’ girlfriend Angelique Dumont added.

A Gillette ad created by Dracul Van Helsing 9 years ago attacking cheating heart masculinity back in the days when real men still created ads for Gillette.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 16th
2019.

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Goatee Slays Uglos, Renfield Poisons Apples and Allatallahbel Desolates The Vatican

December 27, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee had been in a good mood on Christmas Day because he hadn’t encountered any repulsively ugly women.

He wasn’t in such a good mood yesterday because some ugly woman tried to ride alongside him on a escalator so he promptly beheaded the bitch.

Then it turned out that the grocery stores in his neighbourhood were closed for boxing day so he wasn’t able to buy any groceries.

Today wasn’t such a good day either because when he went to pick up his subsidized transit pass (Goatee got a subsidized low-income transit pass for medical reasons since his doctor had certified him as homicidally insane and therefore this made him eligible for medical benefits such as a low-income transit pass), he discovered that his photo id had expired.

The clerk gave him a low-income transit pass for next month anyways but told him he would definitely need a new photo id for next month (it was lucky for the clerk that he did that for otherwise he would have been beheaded by Pan Goatee).

“Why the Hell do you need a fucking new photo id all the time?” Goatee fumed, “Proof positive that the days of the Antichrist and the Mark of the Beast are upon us.”

He beheaded a fat ugly blimp in a wheelchair who tried to get in his way.

“You know back in my day, we used to have only good looking people in wheelchairs,” the ghost of Raymond Burr remarked to the satyr serial killer after Goatee had beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“Mister, we could use a disabled person like Police Detective Robert Ironside again,” Pan Goatee sang a paraphrased version of that old Archie Bunker All In The Family song about Herbert Hoover.

He then beheaded a few more ugly women around the transit place.

“If Semjaza and his Merry band of Watchers came down to Earth today,” Goatee did an impromptu theological exposition on the Book of I Enoch,
“they sure as Hell wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men now not when they look like the daughters of walruses, stoats and gargoyles.”

Goatee was momentarily pleased when he actually saw a beautiful woman wearing a short skirt and black silk pantyhose exiting a building but she was immediately followed by an ugly stoat looking woman whom he promptly beheaded.

Later on the bus ride home, Goatee encountered another ugly stoat looking woman who in addition to being stoatly ugly was wearing a fashion designer’s nightmare of barf green coloured checkered pants with unmatching yellow striped purple running shoes.

The genetically created satyr serial killer promptly beheaded her much to the relief, delight and applause of the ghosts of Oscar Wilde, Friedrich Nietzsche, Yves Saint Laurent and the still living (but almost died when he saw the colour blind hideous fashion ensemble wearing ugly looking stoat monstrosity) Karl Lagerfeld.

Later a walrus looking fat ugly blimp got off the bus in front of Pan Goatee’s house so he beheaded that creature from Hell as well.

. . .

The two chief scientists in charge of Product Development at Apple (both of whom were appointed after the death of Steve Jobs) twin brothers Dr. Shitticus Constipationio and Dr. Shitticus Diarrheaosis (both men’s family surnames were their first names) were up shit creek.

The CEO of the company Tim Cook had died after eating a poisoned apple pie given to him by British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

The gay Apple CEO had a passionate crush on the British MP who was someday expected to become Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century so gladly accepted the apple pie from him.

Chinese government operative Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) knew of Cook’s crush on Renfield R. Renfield and thus after putting the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Snow White Red Rose Black Death apples in a pie got Renfield to deliver them.

Cook’s homicide was revenge on the part of the Beijing government for the U.S. government ordered Justin Trudeau cannabis Canadian complicit arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport.

Renfield agreed because he didn’t like the idea of a very attractive Asian Dragon sister like Meng Wanzhou having been put in a Vancouver jail when there were so many obnoxious ugly white women walking the streets of Calgary, Alberta, Canada and nobody was doing a damned thing about it with the exception of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Now Cook was dead and put on ice (in hopes there would be somebody who could bring him back from the dead).

In the meantime a humanoid looking robot who resembled Cook was putting in public appearances so that no one would know Cook had died.

The embarrasing part was the Tim Cook looking humanoid robot had been built and designed by Samsung (Apple’s South Korean competitor) since after Steve Jobs’ death, Apple had become incapable of building a good product.

And they the Shitticus Brothers were to blame.

. . .

Back in 855 AD, a Kabbalistic Gnostic Apostolate operating covertly in the Catholic Church had finally succeeded in putting a woman (a witch) on the papal throne as Pope John VIII.

The woman became known to history as Pope Joan.

Joannes Anglicus (her Latin name as Pope) had disguised herself as a man.

Her womanhood was revealed in 857 AD when she gave birth in the midst of a papal procession.

Now the vampiress Allatallahbel (the Vampiress Priestess of Baal) was hoping to openly be elected Pope when Francis either kicked the bucket or resigned.


The Vampiress Allatallahbel (the Vampiress Priestess of Baal) plans to become the next Pope.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 27th
2018.

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