Weird California Duo Calls For Saintly Canonization of Charles Manson

September 18, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actress Sharon Tate appears in an episode of The Beverley Hillbillies.

Sadly Miss Tate was one of 7 people to die in the murderous rampage carried out by brainwashed followers of homicidal hippy commune leader Charles Manson in California during the summer of ’69.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was reading a waterproof library book on Sharon Tate and the Charles Manson Helter Skelter murders.

He then turned out the light and went to bed.

He then had a dream (or was it a vision?) of a weird California duo calling upon Pope Francis’ Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a saint.

The weird California duo was none other than California Gov. Gavin Newsom and his aunt-in-law Nancy Pelosi.

Said Gov. Newsom at a press conference, “I call upon Pope Francis and his Vatican to canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Shouted Nancy Pelosi.

Reporters of the mainstream media vigourously applauded Gov. Newsom after he made his announcement.

A reporter from Rebel News Canada however asked the question, “Why do you think Charles Manson should be canonized?”.

Members of the mainstream media and Gov. Newsom and Nancy Pelosi turned and scowled at the reporter from Rebel News Canada.

“Well as you know,” Gov. Newsom snarled, “According to the greatest oracle of our time Bill Gates, the world’s biggest problem is that there are too many people living on our planet. And Charles Manson killed people. Thus he was doing a tremendous favour for Mother Earth aka Gaia aka Pachamama.”

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew!” Nancy Pelosi exclaimed.

“Earlier this evening, I signed an Executive Order granting Charles Manson a posthumous pardon for what in those unenlightened times were considered crimes,” Newsom grinned while members of the mainstream media applauded and shouted with glee.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi batted her purple coloured eyelashes

“I have also asked the California State Legislature to pass a bill issuing a formal apology to Charles Manson for all those years the State of California so wrongly kept him behind bars,” Newsom went on.

“Amen, hallelujah, nephew,” Nancy Pelosi smiled oblivious to the fact that her wig was coming off.

Pelosi herself approached the podium, “I am going to introduce a resolution in the House of Representatives calling upon both Houses of Congress to call upon President Biden to sign an Executive Order calling upon Pope Francis and the Vatican to immediately canonize Charles Manson a Saint.”

“Amen, hallelujah, Aunt,” Gov. Gavin Newsom ejaculated behind her.

Nancy Pelosi wiped the back of her skirt.

They then smiled and waved at the cheering assembly of reporters.

Michelangelo’s dream (or was it a vision?) continued.

He was on a plane with an assemblage of reporters covering Pope Francis on one of his many plane trips.

Of course aboard a plane in front of reporters was where Pope Francis usually issued his stupidest statements.

Michelangelo wondered what the purpose of this particular plane trip was.

He read the statement from the Pope’s private secretary.

The plane was flying to the North Pole so Pope Francis could tell that jolly old elf Santa Claus and all his reindeer and toy making little elves to get on board and sign on the dotted line to sign up for the Astana Kazakhstan 7th InterFaith Congress Plan For A Global One World Religion.

So far the reporters aboard the plane had not yet read the private secretary’s statement as they were all sloshed out of their minds.

However the Cardinal accompanying the Pope on this trip had just read the travel statement written up by the Pope’s private secretary.

He grabbed the pontiff and hauled him into the washroom where he gently broke the news to Francis that there was no such thing as Santa Claus.

The Pope could be heard blubbering aloud and sobbing for the next 80 minutes.

The Cardinal told the media that the plane would be turning around and heading back to Rome.

Francis then told the press that he was now open to questions.

CNN’s Don Lemon asked Francis, “What do you think of California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s call that Charles Manson should be immediately canonized?”.

“I think this is an excellent idea,” Francis grinned, “Charles Manson was a great man. He was all about free love and drugs and rock and roll. In this he reflected the values of the Aquarian Age. And according to former Dominican priest and current Episcopalian priest Matthew Fox and his witch medium Miriam Starhawk the Age of Aquarius officially began on December 21st 2020 just as the Coronavirus vaccines were about to roll out. And we need a Saint for this new Aquarian Age heralding the end of the Age of Pisces. Who better than Charles Manson?”.

“A follow up question,” said Lemon, “When will you canonize Charles Manson?”.

“Well I don’t think we need reports of a miracle performed in his name to get him canonized,” the Pope went on, “Requiring a miracle or miracles is so pre-Vatican II. We need to get up to date. I think I’ll canonize him tomorrow. I’ll declare him a Servant of God at 6:00 AM. Then I’ll declare him venerable (worthy of veneration) at 9:00 AM. Then I’ll beatify him (declare him blessed) at 12 Noon. Then I’ll canonize him (declare him a Saint) at 3:00 PM.”

“3:00 PM?” A reporter from Rebel News Canada piped up, “Wasn’t that the hour Christ died upon the Cross?”.

“I don’t know,” Francis shrugged, “Was it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 18th
2022.

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Xi In Kazakhstan

September 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.

Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.

Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).

(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).

Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.

Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”

And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.

And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.

Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.

“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.

An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.

A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.

Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.

Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).

The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.

An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).

“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.

Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.

After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.

As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.

There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).

Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.

Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.

Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.

When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.

As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.

The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.

It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.

Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:

“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”

Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.

In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.

“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.

Amadeus asked.

And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.

Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.

Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.

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Hyung Grace Kwan En Route To Astana Kazakhstan

September 12, 2022 at 9:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , )

South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan lops off the heads of vampires in practice and preparation for this week’s Inter-Faith Congress of Religious Leaders in Astana Kazakhstan (a city now called Nur-Sultan because current Kazakh leaders have bad taste as do most leaders in the world today).

The satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) would be attending the Inter-Faith Congress.

So probably no prayers would be said in Latin.

In addition to various religious leaders attending the Congress, there would be numerous vampires and vampiresses attending.

Most pre-eminent among them would be the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris (worshipped as a deity by the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry), the ancient Egyptian vampiress Isis (worshipped as a deity by the Grand Orient Lodge of France- the only Masonic lodge in the world that allows women to be members) and their son the ancient Egyptian vampire Horus (also worshipped as a deity by the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry).

Also attending the Congress would be the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who owns a great estate just north of the Kazakh capital.

Allatallahbel the Vampiress-Priestess of Baal (who briefly took possession of the Vatican for a few years beginning on October 13th 2017) would also be attending.

As would Pachamama (the dragon woman shapeshifting demon goddess of the Incas) and the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West invoked by a Huron shaman in Quebec City, Canada at the request of Pope Francis.

The demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles would also be attending.

After wiping her sword clean, Hyung listened to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast.

Renfield was commenting on the amount of witchcraft and sorcery being practiced in the world today.

He noted that the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West was invoked in Canada on July 28th and the demon bull god Baal was quite literally worshipped at the opening ceremonies of the 2022 Commonwealth Games in Birmingham, England on the same date.

Then Renfield noted that within a month and a half of those two satanic pagan rituals, the Head of State of both countries (Canada and the United Kingdom) would pass away.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

“Sadly her son Prince Charles now King Charles III is more amiable to the Great Reset agenda of the World Economic Forum,” Renfield explained, “Let us hope and pray that he’ll come to his senses before it’s too late.”

“Amen,” said Hyung.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 12th
2022.

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Pope Francis Adopts Witches’ Calendar To Promote Season of Creation

September 1, 2022 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, Vampire novel, witchcraft) (, , , , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was reading the latest directives from Pope Francis.

Pope Francis was ordering that all Vatican linked institutions must turn over their accounts to the Vatican Bank by October 1st 2022.

“What’s up with that?” Cardinal Salaman wondered.

He then read a report from a Vatican Jesuit spy in Washington DC.

According to the Vatican Jesuit spy, Joe Biden sacrificed some unknown young woman to a statue of the Greek goddess Artemis while a NASA big shot named Dr. Nachash Naga sang the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah.

“I think that particular Jesuit spy must be eating too many magic mushrooms,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

He then read another directive from Pope Francis.

Francis had just proclaimed a new season called the Season of Creation which runs from September 1st to October 4th.

Interestingly enough the Southern Hemisphere Spring/Northern Hemisphere Autumn Equinox falls smack dab in the middle of the Season of Creation.

Which leads one to speculate that Pope Francis had borrowed his idea for a Season of Creation from the witches’ wiccan calendar.

Francis seemed to be heavy into practicing witchcraft these days.

A number of years back he had opened a Catholic World Youth Day by carrying a witch’s stang into the assembly.

Back on October 4th 2019 the Pontiff presided over a ceremony in which an idol of the Inca demon goddess Pachamama was brought into the Vatican.

Then on July 27th 2022, Francis listened with his hand over his heart as a Huron-Wendat shaman invoked the Spirit Great Grandmother of the West who was the leader of the Circle of Spirits.

The Spirit Great Grandmother was known by various names such as Spider Grandmother in Navajo, Hopi, Apache and Pueblo traditions. She was the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess. She was called Toci Yoalticitl by the Aztecs. She was called Ixchel by the Mayas.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman fell asleep and dreamed he was visiting a misty marsh he often visited in his boyhood.

In the middle of the misty marsh was a vampiress witch who was celebrating Pope Francis’ new Season of Creation.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 1st
2022.

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North By Northwest: Red August of The Sturgeon Moon

August 11, 2022 at 10:19 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint is a tale of spies, danger and intrigue.

And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises watching the film on his waterproof 72 inch widescreen flat screen TV.

Why was Michelangelo watching this film on this night of all nights?

Therein hangs a tale.

Quite possibly a fish tale (fish tail).

Tonight was the night of the full moon- the August full moon – called the Sturgeon Moon.

It is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon (the August full moon).

Interestingly enough tonight’s full moon- the August Sturgeon Moon- will be the last supermoon of this year.

This Sturgeon Moon will be the fourth supermoon in a row after the Buck Moon in July, Strawberry Moon in June and Flower Moon in May.

A celestial meteor shower will also be seen tonight in conjunction with this year’s last Supermoon.

Anyhow since tonight’s full moon is a Sturgeon Moon (and a Sturgeon Supermoon at that) and it is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon, Michelangelo’s employer the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set decided to go fishing in Canada’s Northwest to catch sturgeon.

And it was then that Renfield mentioned the film North By Northwest to Michelangelo.

So Michelangelo was watching the movie.

In the film version that Michelangelo was watching, the film’s villain Phillip Vandamm (played by James Mason) says, “One day our side of the Cold War will take over the American FBI.”

. . .

The United States’ Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a press conference discussing the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

As he took questions, he was suddenly confronted by the ghost of famous American criminal trial lawyer and defense attorney Johnnie Cochran.

Said Cochran to Garland,

“You’re a Marxist-Leninist man
Who belongs in the nearest trash can
Mark my words
You pile of turds
The day of reckoning is soon at hand
And you won’t have a leg to stand
You’re always seeking to intimidate
Cause you have no tool to use to masturbate …”

. . .

At the Vatican, Pope Francis was looking flashed and flushed after having spent the day meeting with members of Rome’s transvestite transexual prostitute community.

This was the fourth time this year that the pontiff had met with the group.

A statement issued from the Vatican Press Office said that Pope Francis was offering spiritual comfort to them.

Now Pope Francis was getting his daily briefing of world events from one of his Jesuit aides.

When the aide had finished, Francis directed him to “find out which entity it was who had hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to act as Donald Trump’s ghostly defense attorney.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th
2022.

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The Demon Buffalo Sends A Text Message

August 4, 2022 at 10:11 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki was getting increasingly ticked off that genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was bumping off his (Loki’s) genetically created female uglo offspring.

So much so that demons allied with Loki were playing interference with the traffic lights at the intersection where the bus that Pan Goatee was riding was stopped.

The demons held up the traffic lights even longer than usual.

Finally when the light finally turned green, the bus was unable to quickly turn left because a couple of slow moving pedestrians (at a traffic corner that rarely had any pedestrians) were being outraced by snails as they crossed the street.

To make matters even worse for Pan Goatee, the slow moving pedestrian bimbos were also a couple of super repulsive female uglos.

Pan opened the bus window across from him, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The astro laser machete then beheaded both of the super repulsive female uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Loki did an impersonation of Joe Biden doing a major blow out in his Depends diapers when he heard the news that Pan had beheaded a couple more of his ugly uglo female progeny at the satanic demonically controlled traffic crossing.

The rest of Pan’s afternoon bus trip went off without incident.

However later that night Pan went out for an evening bus trip and on the way back home Pan saw the same purple and pink haired uglo getting on board the bus as he had beheaded and dismembered last night.

“What I thought I had killed you last night, bitch,” Pan reached for his astral laser machete, “Quite inconsiderate of you not to stay dead especally when Krampus carried your remains to the lower circles of Tartarus.”

Unbeknownst to Pan, the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (an ally of Loki) had genetically created a clone of the purple and pink haired uglo.

So after the original had been beheaded and dismembered last night, Dr. Fauci had arranged for the uglo’s clone to board the bus at the same uglo bat time in the same uglo bat neighbourhood.

The genetically cloned uglo was now being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

After the beheading and multiple trillion dismemberment of the uglo clone, Pan Goatee received a text message from the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne.

Said the Demon Buffalo, “Here’s more information about the Great Western Grandmother who was invoked by a Huron shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City last week in the presence of satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals as well as the pale faced (as opposed to black faced) Justin Trudeau. The Great Western Grandmother who’s called Spider Grandmother in the folklore and traditions of the Hopi, Zuma, Navajo and Pueblo peoples.
The Great Western Grandmother is also called Toci Yoalticitl (“Our Grandmother The Nocturnal Physician”) by the Aztecs.
She is apparently an earth goddess who inhabits the sweatbath according to the Aztecs.
She was called Ixchel by the Mayas (she appears as a supposedly good alien being in New Age writer Madeleine L’ Engle’s book A Wrinkle In Time) and she has 4 symbols in 4 different colours – red, white, black and yellow which are associated with the 4 different segments of the Universe.
The name Ixchel means “Rainbow Woman” which is probably why the sodomites and transgenders adopted the rainbow as their symbol and why Pope Francis’ Vatican is so prone to displaying the Pride rainbow.
Interestingly enough on her head Ixchel wore a serpent and the pattern on her skirt was of bones in the form of a Cross.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday August 4th
2022.

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Demon Buffalo Watches Fauci Created Repulsive Ugly Looking Female Get Beheaded By Pan Goatee

July 22, 2022 at 9:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Black Forest Ham Sandwich at Subway restaurants is quite delicious.

Of course if Bill Gates, Justin Trudeau, the World Economic Forum and Pope Francis’ Vatican have their way, that will be replaced by the Black Fly Insect Sandwich.

As the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg noted, “Bugs are coming and we will eat them… sauteed, butteried, fried, boiled… and we will be grateful…”

Pan Goatee had just been in a Subway restaurant where he ate a Black Forest Ham Sandwich.

Something that would be unavailable after the World Economic Forum Great Reset on Sandwiches and Burgers had taken place.

As he crossed the street, he noticed a female cyclist on a bicyle wearing an overarching helmet, a bandana and dark sunglasses.

Goatee deduced that either she was an uglo (and didn’t want to be beheaded) or she was up to some nefarious activity.

Looking at the backpack on her back which was stuffed with green dye stained $100 bills as well as a handgun, Pan deduced that it was the latter. Although it could have been the former as well.

The satyr did not bother to find out.

He beheaded the criminal female cyclist and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Thus saving the Canadian taxpayer the cost of a court trial.

As Goatee walked down the street, he passed a bus stop booth where stood a really super repulsively ugly looking female.

She was not of the fat ugly blimp variety.

She was quite thin (no doubt having adopted the Bill Gates recommended Scarsdale Airhead Diet of mealworms and crickets).

Since Pan wasn’t going to catch a bus at that stop, he didn’t bother to behead the repulsive looking uglo.

Unbeknownst to Pan however, the repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo was an assassin working for mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Fauci, in an Axis of Evil with the Norse trickster god Loki, was the man responsible for genetically creating hundreds of thousands of ugly looking women in the City of Calgary.

Both Fauci and Loki were ticked off at the fact that Goatee had beheaded so many of their ugly looking creation.

This particularly repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo had scored the highest score on a Fauci-Loki created IQ test administered among Calgary female uglos.

She had scored a whopping 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000001% on the answers.

So she had been given a Fauci-Loki invented laser death ray hand gun (that was available to the general public through a mail order house in Chicago) and instructed to vapourize Pan Goatee into non-existence.

The super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo pointed the laser death ray hand gun in the direction of Pan Goatee.

She should have pointed the gun straight at the satyr.

But being an airhead, she pointed the gun up into the air and vapourized a rope held scaffold platform sending some poor window cleaner plunging to his death.

She then raced and ran to get in front of Pan.

The fact that the satyr could still be seen walking down the sidewalk should have clued the clueless airhead into the fact that Pan Goatee hadn’t been vapourized into non-existence.

But being an airhead, she had no clue.

Goatee then beheaded the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x etc. etc. … pieces.

The Greek god Ares (who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation) arrived to pick up the remains of the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and carry them down to Tartarus.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake stopped Ares.

“Allow me,” the demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red, “to carry this ugly looking bitch’s remains down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs.”

As the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake carried the ugly looking bitch down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs, Pan Goatee decided to go to his favourite downtown lounge to have a cool refreshing drink on this hot summer day.

As he approached the lounge he noticed a super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo standing about a dozen feet away from the entrance.

Not wanting to take any chances that this uglo was likewise a Fauci-Loki trained assassin, Pan likewise beheaded this super repulsively ugly thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Ares arrived to pick up the remains.

. . .

Pope Francis was sitting in his office.

A Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert who had been sent to Alberta to discover the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake entered the office to orally deliver his report.

“So Father Grimm, what have you discovered about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake, Alberta?” Bergoglio asked.

“Hadn’t we better lower the Cone of Silence and I can tell you on the off chance that Vladimir Putin has this place bugged… or I should say… wiretapped?” Father Grimm suggested.

The Vatican’s Cone of Silence had been invented by a Jesuit inventor who had drank one too many tequilas and who had watched one too many episodes of the 1960s television series Get Smart.

Pope Francis pushed an intercom on his desk, “Cardinal Frutti, lower the Cone of Silence.”

The Cone of Silence was lowered.

“So, Father Grimm,” Bergoglio addressed the Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert, “what have you found out about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake?”.

“Nothing,” Father Grimm replied.

“Cardinal Frutti,” Francis again pushed the intercom on his desk, “Raise the Cone of Silence.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday July 22nd
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimps Live On Britain’s ITV News

July 19, 2022 at 10:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee being a recently genetically created satyr has never met a lot of the figures of Greek mythology like the original Greek satyr Pan or the Greek hero Hercules or the Greek god Apollo

So said British ITV News journalist Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell who had been sent to Calgary, Alberta, Canada from Britain to cover the world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Heathcliff Dionyus Campbell was the CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.

However he had won a contest to work as an intern television journalist for Britain’s ITV News over the summer.

Now he had been assigned to cover Pan Goatee the nemesis of facially aesthetically challenged females everywhere.

Campbell was standing at a bus stop holding a microphone in one hand and his pet Siamese cat Oysterella in the other.

Oysterella was holding a bowl of smoked oysters in her paws which she was eating.

Campbell spoke into the microphone, “Here I am standing alongside Pan Goatee. Pan is noting how hot it is today. 29 degrees Celsius apparently. And when you’ve got furry goats’ legs like Pan Goatee does, it feels even hotter.”

“That’s true,” Pan nodded, “The Robbie Burns Society pays me to never wear a kilt.”

The bus pulled up and satyr, ITV News Reporter and Siamese cat got on.

There sitting on one of the front seats was a fat ugly blimp reading a book by Ophrah Winfrey called How To Enjoy Your High Self Esteem.

“Usually,” Pan Goatee explained to Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell, “most fat ugly blimps choose to sit at the back of the bus. Which is why I sit at the front. However this fat ugly blimp has obviously taken Oprah’s New Age psychobabble way too seriously.”

The fat ugly blimp would never get the chance to address the United Nations General Assembly like Ophrah’s airheaded pair of friends Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

For she was beheaded by Pan Goatee and cut up into 999 trillion pieces and her remains taken down to Tartarus by Ares the Greek god of war who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation.

“I doubt anyone who was PH Unbalanced would be able to follow that editorial train of thought,” Oysterella thought to herself as she finished the last of her smoked oysters.

Pan Goatee, Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell and Oysterella went and sat at the back of the bus.

A couple of bus stops down a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ boyfriend boarded the bus and sat on seats at the front.

“What’s with the lack of humility being shown by fat ugly blimps and their moronic low IQ boyfriends these days?” Goatee commented as he beheaded the pair and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow,” Oysterella purred.

Which was feline for “I want more smoked oysters.”

Pan Goatee and Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell went into a Dollar store to see if they could buy more smoked oysters for Oysterella.

There was a fat ugly blimp working as a cashier so Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“What about my oysters?” Oysterella meowed as Pan and Heathcliff left the store.

A demon buffalo approached the trio.

“Is that a demon buffalo approaching?” Campbell asked.

“It is,” Pan nodded.

. . .

“Who is this demon buffalo who wants to meet me?” Francis asked his group of advisors.

“We’re not sure,” his chief advisor shrugged, “but it is said he arose from Buffalo Lake in what is now Alberta, Canada back in the 1860s.”

“Am I going to be visiting Buffalo Lake next week?” Bergoglio started eating a popsicle.

“No, you won’t,” his chief advisor answered.

“I remember watching an episode of America’s Carol Burnett Show where Carol Burnett played Queen Elizabeth II and Tim Conway played a British soldier who was to receive a medal,” Bergoglio recalled, “But Conway’s soldier didn’t want a medal. He wanted a buffalo popsicle instead. So Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip went to a popsicle salesman (played by Harvey Korman) who was sitting on a popsicle bicycle. They asked for a buffalo popsicle but the popsicle salesman told them there was no such thing as a buffalo popsicle. But Conway’s soldier character insisted he wanted a buffalo popsicle. So Korman’s popsicle salesman character hit Conway’s soldier character over the head knocking him out. He put him in the popsicle box on his bicycle and wheeled him off.”

Silence was the order of the day among Bergoglio’s advisors after he made that last statement.

One advisor whispered to another, “Do you suppose senility is a virus that can spread over the telephone? He had a 4 hour phone conversation with Joe Biden last night.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 19th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Makes The Calgary Evening News

July 16, 2022 at 8:53 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Proposed mural for the Catholic Church’s Synod on Synodality in the Canadian province of Alberta

“Good evening,” the Calgary Evening News anchorman wore an I’ve Been Vaccinated 5 Times Button as his skin peeled off and his hair fell out while reading the news, “A fat ugly blimp, her moronic low IQ boyfriend, a couple of other uglo women and their uglo female progeny were beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces each in a southeast Calgary Dollar store tonight. Authorities strongly suspect world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was involved as beheading uglos and morons and cutting them up into 999 trillion pieces each is generally his signature modus operandi. Another fat ugly blimp was beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces while waiting to cross the street to get to a Dollar store at another location. Authorities suspect Pan Goatee was involved in that beheading and dismemberment as well.”

The anchorman stopped to put his right eyeball back in its socket after it had popped out.

The anchorman continued, “Tomorrow the 2022 Calgary Stampede will come to an end with a Drag Queen Pancake Breakfast and Sing-A-Long. Among the Drag Queens performing will be Ms. Karla Marx a Communist drag queen. The Calgary Stampede has certainly come a long way since its inception over 100 years ago. Once strictly for white heterosexual pronoun fascist male misogynistic cowboys (to quote our beloved Prime Minister Justin Trudeau), today it is a rainbow display of unity in diversity.
And speaking of unity in diversity, here is the award winning mural for the Synod On Synodality to be hosted by the Roman Catholic ArchDiocese of Edmonton, the Diocese of Calgary and the Diocese of Saint Paul in Alberta.”

“It was designed by Ms. Gaius Femalus Undefinedus Transgenderus,” the anchorman added.

. . .

Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) was meeting with an aide to discuss his upcoming trip to the Canadian province of Alberta.

“Unholy Father,” his aide said, “an entity that’s a demon buffalo head would like to meet you to discuss interfaith dialogue.”

“And where should I meet him?” Bergoglio wanted to know, “At the site of a former residential school where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples, at Sacre-Coeur Church in Edmonton where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples or at the Lac St. Anne pilgrimage where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples?”.

“That’s a good question,” his aide answered, “I’ll ask my Reiki massage therapist and tarot card reader who’s been acting as a medium channel for him.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 16th
2022.

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Eugenio Scalfari Dead At The Age of 98

July 14, 2022 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Obituaries, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was meeting in a coffee shop with his friend Amadeus Emanon’s pastor the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London.

They were discussing today’s death of Italian atheistic journalist Eugenio Scalfari at the age of 98.

Scalfari was the co-founder of the influential Italian newspaper La Repubblica and was its editor from 1976 to 1996.

He continued to work as a journalist and write articles and do interviews even after he retired as editor.

Scalfari was most famous for doing interviews with Pope Francis.

Jorge Mario Bergoglio seemed to enjoy giving intimate personal interviews to Scalfari.

Scalfari took no notes during these interviews and relied on memory he said.

Thus Jorge Mario Bergoglio could theoretically have an out when Scalfari’s articles said that Francis during these interviews had denied the existence of Hell, the Divinity of Christ and His Bodily Resurrection.

However when concerns were raised about these issues by numerous Catholic faithful, not once did the Vatican ever issue a statement from Francis himself that the pontiff categorically denied the claims that Scalfari attributed to him.

“I do not know if Scalfari accepted Christ on his deathbed,” said Father Bury Saint Edmunds, “but if he didn’t and Scalfari’s soul was lost, Bergoglio has a lot to answer for in not preaching the Gospel to him. A man who is a priest and even more so a bishop has a lot to answer for from God in how he handles souls under his care.”

“But if Bergoglio didn’t really believe in the existence of Hell, Christ’s Divinity or His Bodily Resurrection,” Renfield noted, “He really wouldn’t feel inclined to preach the Gospel to Scalfari, would he?”.

“That’s a good point,” Father Saint Edmunds admitted.

“What are those little cards with pictures on them that you’ve got in front of you, Father?” Renfield asked.

“They’re prayer cards,” Father Saint Edmunds answered.

“And what are those pictures of?” Renfield inquired.

“Well this picture is of Jesus with His Sacred Heart, this is a picture of Saint Stephen who was the Christian Church’s first martyr, this is a picture of Saint James the Apostle and this is a picture of Saint Christopher carrying the Christ Child across a stream,” Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds replied.

“May I have those prayer cards, Father?” Renfield asked.

“Certainly,” the priest handed the MP the cards.

In another corner of the cafe, the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka sat watching.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 14th
2022.

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