Pachamama and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

February 11, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pachamama and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

Cthulhu a Great Old One
lying in his lair 
in the city of R’lyeh
an underwater city in the South Pacific

Desiring Hong Kong
He battled for control last year
with the Black Dragon
Supernatural entity behind Xi Jinping’s Communist throne
Cthulhu backed the student protestors 
The Black Dragon backed the authorities and Hong Kong police

Time to take a different tack 
Cthulhu who entered the minds of men and women in their dreams 
Making them nightmares 
With his mind contacted Mitlantecuhtli Lord of the Land of the Dead 
Whose realm lay below Aztec ruins in Mexico 

Mitlantecuhtli the deity of death
Who wore a necklace of human eyeballs 
was associated with owls, spiders and bats 

Cthulhu made mental contact 
And offered a quid pro quo 
Mitlantecuhtli accepted 
And visited a cave of bats in China

It was Dr. Li Wenliang, 34, an ophthalmologist (a doctor specializing in the study of the human eye) who first alerted his fellow medics 
About the outbreak of the Coronavirus in Wuhan, China
And for this, he was harassed by police and authorities
Dr. Li himself died on February 7th 2020 
in a hospital bed from the Coronavirus

A Chinese government team found a cave of bats not far from Wuhan 
who apparently have the virus (now sending the world in a panic)

How did the virus get from the cave to Wuhan?
The Huanan Seafood Market in Wuhan 
Some say
A story that first fell from the lips of Mephistopheles
Demon in charge of racism and promoting ethnic hatred
So now East Asians in the Western world are harassed and attacked

Ancient deities also have plenty of allies in government and industry 
Willing to spread death for both profit and power 

A western leader with a toupee the colour of General Custer’s yellow hair
Might see a deadly plague hitting an economic enemy 
As a major advantage in a nasty trade war

A megalomaniac in Beijing 
who claims to act for the “People”
But acts like an ancient god-emperor only serving the needs of his own divine self 
Might have done it to his own people 
for whatever nefarious purpose 
had surfaced in his own twisted mind 

Big pharmaceuticals
And biological warfare units of army 
Might have come together in
some synthesis of Hegelian dialectic 
being played out on the non-philosophical plain

Or those behind the Georgia Guidestones who want the population of Earth 
reduced to 500 million 
might have initiated the first throw of the dice to that effect

Columbia University economist Jeffrey Sachs is a population control and reduction freak
Only in this way can sustainable development be achieved he says
And so the Communists at the UN and Vatican agree

7 years ago today Benedict XVI announced his impending resignation 
As Vicar of Christ
And a man named Jorge Mario Bergoglio took over 
And made it the office of Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli 
Tomorrow he releases the Apostolic Exhortation on the Amazon Synod
And Pachamama earth mother goddess of the Incas
Is in the arms and under the wings of Mitlantecuhtli the Aztec lord of the dead
And in her own arms she holds the hourglass of time 
Through which the grains of sand of humanity are running out

-A poem and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 11th
2020.

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False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

January 28, 2020 at 11:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

A group of Jesuit assassins at the Vatican sat around drinking strawberry daiquiris and Pink Lady cocktails as they waited for their pink fingernail polish to dry before going out for a night on the town.

They were tuned in to BBC Radio where British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed.

The interviewer was asking Renfield about Uruguayan priest Father Gonzalo Aemilius whom Pope Francis had just named his new personal secretary.

“Well of course Father Gonzalo doesn’t dress like a priest,” Renfield noted, “and he’s someone who’s got the looks of a tennis instructor who would be hired by bored sexually frustrated middle-aged wealthy women who were looking for tennis and other types of encounters.”

“So what are you saying exactly?” The interviewer asked.

“Expect to see a lot of late night stenography sessions going on in the papal residence at the Vatican,” Renfield answered.

“What do we know about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer inquired.

“Well, he replaces the Argentine priest Father Fabian (sounds like the name of a Harlequin historical romance novel cover shirtless and topless male model) Pedacchio who worked alongside the Pope from 2013 to 2019 and who returned last December to his original post at the Congregation of Bishops. Of course Father Fabian Pedacchio just turned 55 last year and as my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo noted, “He’s a man who’s really lost his looks the past couple of years.” Now Father Pedacchio is being replaced by Father Gonzalo Aemilius who’s a “rugged handsome 40-year-old” to again quote my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo. ”

“Anything else about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer queried.

“Well, I’ll read you what the official Vatican News agency said about his appointment,” Renfield replied.

Renfield then read the excerpt in a voice that sounded like a cross between Hollywood Squares celebrity panelist Paul Lynde and American writer Truman Capote, “Father Aemilius was born in Montevideo on 18th September 1979 and was ordained a priest on 6th May 2006. His face may be familiar to many because he is the one, who the Pope greeted and summoned to him when he was part of the crowd gathered outside a Vatican gate to welcome Pope Francis at the beginning of his pontificate on the morning of 17th March 2013. He recognized him and invited him to accompany him into the church where he was about to celebrate his first Mass with the faithful after his election. At the end of the liturgy, Pope Francis introduced Father Aemilius to all those present, asking them to pray for him and for his work with street children.”

The phone rang in the office of the Jesuit assassins.

It was the Jesuit assassin whose fingernail polish had fully dried who picked up the phone.

“It’s the boss,” said the Jesuit assassin, “He wants to know who will rid him of this troublesome British MP.”

. . .

At the White House today, U.S. President Donald Trump stood alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and announced the Jared Kushner Peace Deal of the Century.

The map of the new Palestinian state that Trump proposed seemed to resemble a salamander.

The sort of salamander as on a 19th Century U.S. Congressional District map that gave rise to the term gerrymandering.

Interestingly enough at about the same time as Trump made his announcement, Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted temporary dispensational releases from his realm to the ghosts of Israel’s King Solomon, Hiram the King of Tyre and also Hiram Abiff the architect and master mason (who had once been possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Osiris) who had helped build Solomon’s original Temple in Jerusalem.

. . .

In the Caribbean, the scarlet red dress wearing Inca goddess Pachamama riding a 7-headed beast had caused a powerful 7.7 magnitude earthquake that hit between Jamaica, the Cayman Islands and Cuba at a depth of 10 kilometres (6.2 miles).

. . .

Meanwhile in her apartment in Mexico City, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec greeted Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing as he walked through the door:

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2020.

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Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock

January 23, 2020 at 8:04 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock

“I order all priests in this country to stop preaching on Hell.”
-Reinhard Cardinal Marx,
Archbishop of Munich,
Chairman of the German Bishops’
Conference 
(who’s obviously tired of being reminded of his post-life destination)

Former British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was once again setting up his London private eye office with former British Conservative MP Agathor Christie (both men had once again failed to be re-elected to Parliament in last month’s General Election).

Magog suddenly noticed he got an email from the man who was their tour guide throughout the rainforest jungles of the Amazon last summer.

The failed parliamentary and equally unsuccessful private eye duo had been hired last year to find out who was causing the Amazon rainforest fires that were burning out of control last summer.

They had failed to do so but had sent a bill for their services to Lev Tomi (the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change) anyway.

The email contained a photo taken by an Inca Quechua indigenous woman living in Peru last summer.

The photo showed the disembodied flaming head of a Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to trees.

Coincidentally Magog’s partner Agathor Christie was getting a photo emailed to him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

The photo taken by an acquaintance of Renfield who was currently in Australia (rescuing koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the current wildfires) showed the disembodied flaming head of the same Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to Australian trees.

. . .

On July 13th 1917 the Virgin Mary was said to have appeared to three shepherd children Lucia Santos and her cousins Jacinta and Francisco Marto near the village of Fatima, Portugal and told them three secrets.

On October 13th 1917, a miracle involving the sun happened at Fatima, Portugal witnessed by over 70,000 people (believers and atheists alike).

The third secret that had been told to the children was supposed to have been revealed by the Pope to the world in 1960 but it wasn’t.

The vision associated with the Third Secret was released by the Vatican on June 26th 2000 but the text (Mary’s words to the 3 children) never was.

Coincidentally on October 13th 1917 as a miracle of the sun was happening in Fatima Portugal, Saint Maximilian Kolbe (a Polish priest who later died at Auschwitz on August 14th 1941 volunteering to die in place of a Jewish man with a family) was in Rome Italy.

He saw a Freemasonic parade in Rome in which the Freemasons were carrying banners showing images of Satan overcoming Saint Michael the Archangel in battle while they were busy shouting the slogans “Someday Satan will rule in the Vatican and the Pope will be his lackey”.

On November 9th 2018 (the 100th Anniversary of the German Kaiser Wilhelm II’s abdication 2 days prior to the signing of the Great Armistice ending World War I), Renfield found the text of the third secret of Fatima in the briefcase of a retired Austian Army colonel who apparently spied for the Russians.

On that same date, Renfield’s friend Dracul Van Helsing had located (in the very back pages of Google search on the topic) the entire message of the revelations said to have been given to a Japanese nun Sister Agnes Sasagawa by the Virgin Mary at Akita Japan back in 1973.

That message contained the statement, “And now my daughter I will reveal to you the message that my Son’s Vicar was supposed to have revealed to the world in 1960 but sadly he did not.”

What Mary told Sister Agnes and what Renfield found as the supposed text in the retired Austrian colonel’s briefcase were one and the same.

Among the lines in the identical text that both Renfield and Dracul had found on the same day were these words that Satan would “succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church.”

. . .

In early 1922, Lenin was having a conversation with Leon Trotsky.

“Well, Comrade,” Trotsky addressed Lenin, “remember you had asked the question at the Party Congress last year, were there any great empires in history that tried to practice anything similar to scientific socialism?”.

“I remember I had asked that question,” Lenin nodded.

“You received a reply,” Trotsky pulled a folder out of his briefcase.

“Really?” Lenin smiled, “Who from?”

“A French Jesuit priest actually,” Trotsky read from the folder, “Although one who is not an archaeologist, anthropologist or historian. But rather a paleontologist and geologist. By the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.”

“And what does Teilhard have to say?” Lenin leaned back in his chair.

“The Inca Empire,” Trotsky read from the folder, “which lasted from 1438 until 1533. The Empire contained Peru, southwest Ecuador, western and south central Bolivia, northwest Argentina, a large portion of what is today Chile and a small part of southwest Colombia. Its official language was Quecha. But the economy of the Inca Empire was socialist. Supply on command as opposed to supply and demand as it were. The Empire functioned largely without money and without markets. Instead exchange of goods and services was based on reciprocity between individuals and among individuals, groups and Inca rulers. The Inca rulers (who theoretically owned all the means of production) reciprocated by granting access to land and goods and providing food and drink in celebratory feasts for their subjects.”

“So the Inca rulers were sort of the Soviet Politburo of their day?” Lenin smiled.

“That is correct,” Trotsky nodded.

“I take it though while the Incas practised a form of scientific socialism, they probably had a religion as well?” Lenin raised his left eyebrow.

“They did,” Trotsky nodded, “one of the Inca deities that Teilhard mentions is Pachamama who was Mother Earth the second most important figure in the Inca pantheon after Inti the sun god of the Incas.”

“Well, we can do without Pachamama as we build our scientific socialist paradise,” Lenin laughed.

“It may be necessary for the triumph of our cause to adapt some form of religion to temporarily appease the masses as we build the scientific socialist state,” Trotsky pointed out, “perhaps if push comes to shove and the masses are not inclined to immediately embrace atheism as we bring forth the agenda of worldwide scientific socialism, it might be necessary to bring in a deity who we could incorporate into our cause. Why not Pachamama? Our own immediate subjects in Russia are no doubt still haunted by the Czarist idea of Holy Mother Russia. Pachamama could become an engrafted substitute. And in various religions throughout the world and throughout history, the Earth Mother goddess was a very important deity. Why not adopt Pachamama who was the Earth Mother goddess of an Empire that tried to practice a form of scientific socialism?”.

“And who could we ask to graft such a deity into Marxism?” Lenin inquired.

“Why not Teilhard himself?” Trotsky suggested, “For in his opening introductory letter, he writes that he wishes to bring about a synthesis of Marxism and Christianity and he has taken it upon himself to do just that.”

“Christianity, Marxism and Pachamama,” Lenin mused aloud, “Well, let’s see what this Teilhard fellow comes up with.”

How well Teilhard succeeded would not be known in the life and existence of the Soviet Union itself.

Although Teilhard’s writings were eventually to be placed alongside the writings of Marx and Lenin in Moscow’s Hall of Atheism.

. . .

Teilhard was not the only one to consider the figure of Pachamama as a deity capable of synthesis and syncretism. 

Back in the late 1870s when founder of Theosophy Madame Helena Petrovna Blavatsky was admitted into the Grand Orient Lodge of France (the only Freemasonic lodge in the world to allow female initiates), she had written as her entry in the membership register, “The Celestial Virgin (who is the mother of both space and time) is also the mother of all Gods and all Devils at one and the same time. To the ancient Inca, she was called Pachamama.”

. . .

August 8th 1919
-A man is walking in the desert when the thing swooped down upon him. From afar it appeared to him quite small a pale fading shadow no bigger than the palm of a child’s hand. When suddenly with the speed of an arrow, it came straight at him. And then suddenly penetrated his soul. The man felt he was ceasing to be merely himself. An irresistible rapture took possession of him. And the anguish of some superhuman peril oppressed him. He felt what swooped down upon him was the combined essence of all evil and all goodness. And now in the depths of the very being who had invaded, something was murmuring, “You have called me here. Here I am.”
Said the thing, “You have need of me in order to grow. And I was waiting for you in order to be made holy. I have been drawing you to me and now I’ve been established in you for life or for death. And now you must either damn yourself with me. Or save myself with you. ”
The man replies, “What is your name? Speak, you who are divine and mighty.” 
The thing replies, “With my violence, I sometimes slay my lovers. And those who touch me never know what power they are unleashing. Wise men fear me and curse me. I am the essence of all that is tangible.
You have grasped what the world has even more than individuals who wish their soul to be redeemed. Lay yourself open to my inspiration. And receive what the spirit of the earth has in order to be saved. Your salvation and mine hang upon this first moment.”
Now this wave of bliss in which he was engulfed had been changed. And in ruthless determination, he began to battle the dark power. And then the frenzied battle gave placement however to an irresistible longing to submit. And he felt that henceforth nothing in the world would be able to alienate him from the greater reality that he was now feeling. Nothing at all. And he surrendered himself.
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin writing in his diary about an experience he had in the Egyptian desert writing about himself in the third person as he was prone to do.

About the day he made contact with the Spirit of the Earth. 

Or as they say in Latin, Spiritus Mundi.

About the same time as Teilhard had this experience in the Egyptian desert, a poet in Ireland was having a vision of his own.

A vision that would inspire him to write a poem called The Second Coming.

A poem containing these words, 
“… a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi 
troubles my sight:
somewhere in sands of the desert 
A shape with lion body and the head of a man, 
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs,
while all about it 
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know 
That twenty centuries of stony sleep 
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards 
Bethlehem to be born?
-William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

. . .

On April 22nd 1970 was the world’s first Earth Day.

Coincidentally that date was also the 100th Birthday of Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin (who was born on April 22nd 1870).

39 years later on April 22nd 2009, the United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution declaring April 22nd as International Mother Earth Day.

Following the resolution it was noted that the earth mother goddess was a common deity in many of the world’s religions.

Followers of Hinduism noted that in their religion, Mother Earth was symbolized by the goddess Sita.

And it was also noted by practitioners of other faiths that they had a representative earth mother goddess.

Curiously some UN officials and NGOs who were Marxist in their political beliefs and yet labelled themselves as Teilhardian in their spiritual beliefs had for the occasion culturally appropriated the Inca Earth Mother Goddess Pachamama as one of their own.

Said one Teilhardian Marxist after the vote, “Pachamama is the Andean Mother Earth. She provides harvests of potatoes and coca leaves. Today’s environmental problems stem from a lack of respect for Pachamama. We take too much from her and pollute her, endangering the life of the planet as a whole.”

The Teilhardian Marxist neglected to mention that Inca priests sacrificed llamas and guinea pigs to Pachamama and in times of severe crisis, they even sacrificed human children.

He also didn’t mention the fact that Pachamama was a shape shifter.

When she lived in the fires under the earth, she was a fierce red dragon.

But when she was on the earth’s surface, she appeared as a woman.

. . .

Friday October 4th 2019.

The first Friday of the month of October.

And among modern New Age adherents and disciples of Pachamama the Inca Earth Mother Goddess, the first Friday of every month is considered sacred to Pachamama.

Special ceremonies and special oblations are given to Pachamama on that day.

October 4th also happens to be the Feast Day of Saint Francis of Assisi.

Saint Francis as he lay dying had told his fellow monks the prophecy that someday in the future a man would ascend to the papal throne and would take for his papal name his (Francis’) name.

Saint Francis told his disciples to beware of this man when he comes.

For he said that this pope would attempt to lead the Catholic faithful into following strange and sinister gods.

On Friday October 4th 2019, small wooden statues of Pachamama were brought into the Vatican Gardens to mark the opening of the Amazon Synod.

A female shaman from the Amazon led the ceremonies and rituals.

A group of people formed a circle and danced and then bowed down and prostrated themselves before Pachamama.

Among those bowing down and prostrating themselves before the Pachamama idols was a Franciscan monk.

Looking on and viewing the ceremony was a Pope called Francis.

The female shaman from the Amazon later presented a black ring and a wooden statue of Pachamama to Pope Francis as a gift.

The Pope smiled and easily accepted.

The Pope would later bring the statues of Pachamama into Saint Peter’s Basilica for the opening Mass marking the start of the Amazonian Synod.

The statues would be placed right in front of the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

They would then be kept for the rest of the synod in front of the altar in a chapel inside the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina.

Until a disgruntled Catholic layman entered the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina on Monday October 21st 2019 and dispatched the statues into the nearby Tiber River.

. . .

At a Vatican Christmas concert on December 14th 2019 in the Pope Paul VI Hall, another Amazon female shaman would lead a group of Catholic bishops and priests in what was called the Pachamama Prayer.

She instructed the priests and bishops to lay crossed hands across their chests in Freemasonic fashion and feel their hearts as their hearts slowly became one in tune with the heartbeat of Mother Earth.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon (in Australia) and Renfield R. Renfield (in London, England) were holding a video conversation via Skype.

They were discussing Pachamama.

“Didn’t they make an animated cartoon film about Pachamama a few years back?” Amadeus asked.

“They did,” Renfield nodded, “Of course Pachamama also made an appearance in the opening scene of one of the great blockbuster movies of the 1980s.”

“She did?” Amadeus looked quizzical.

“She did,” Renfield smiled, “remember that small golden idol that Indiana Jones was attempting to steal in the opening scene of Raiders of The Lost Ark? He put a bag of sand down on the pedestal with one hand and then quickly grabbed the gold idol statue with his other hand in order not to let the traps inside the cave know that he was stealing the statue? Of course it failed and soon a rolling huge stone wheel came tumbling around in the cave. That gold idol figure with the sinister grin was Pachamama.”

“That was Pachamama?” Amadeus was shocked.

“That was Pachamama,” Renfield nodded, “So with Pope Francis bringing Pachamama into the inner sanctuary of the Vatican, expect huge rolling stone wheels to be tumbling around sometime in the near future.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday January 12th
to 
Monday January 20th
2020.


The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa took a photo of the flaming disembodied head of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin setting fire to the trees of the Amazon rainforest

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Michelangelo Sees Bishop Barron’s Destination

December 19, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo Sees Bishop Barron’s Destination

Amadeus Emanon was reading a newspaper story about how writer J.K. Rowling was defending a woman who had lost her employment tribunal hearing.

The Harry Potter author tweeted in support of Maya Forstater, 45, who was fired from her job at the poverty think tank The Centre For Global Development over a series of tweets she wrote questioning government plans to allow people to self-identify as another gender besides male and female.

Maya Forstater appealed her dismissal to the Central London Employment Tribunal.

And the Central London Employment Tribunal (which the ghost of Josef Stalin down in Tartarus admitted was a bureaucratic reincarnation of one of his old Stalinist Soviet tribunals) upheld Maya Forstater’s dismissal.

Ms. Rowling said she stood with Maya against the tribunal’s crushing of her freedom of opinion.

One snivelling politically correct crybaby in the article who opposed Ms. Rowling’s support (no doubt a disciple of Voldemort in the real world) said, “Nobody is suggesting she shouldn’t be allowed her opinion. But it’s dangerous language that harms people. She should be held accountable for it.”

Amadeus read the quote to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Renfield commented, “I can just imagine the high-pitched whiny lisp with which that statement is uttered. By another gender confused person. No doubt this fellow who writes down ? next to the gender box on forms they fill out is some politically correct liberal asshole. And of course a politically correct liberal asshole is someone who says, “Everyone has the right to my own opinion.” And if you don’t happen to share the same opinion as the aforesaid politically correct liberal asshole, they’ll come after you with the full force of the state and the bureaucracy in the most Stalinesque terms imaginable. Accusing you of promoting hatred. And they define “hatred” as anything that disagrees with their own opinion.”

“So a Neo-Stalinism is on the rise in the governments, bureaucracies, media and corporations of the Western world?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “It’s called Political Correctness. And most politically correct liberal assholes are either too stupid or too dishonest to realize that they don’t truly believe in freedom of speech and freedom of opinion. Their thinking always is, “Oh yes, I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of opinion BUT….”

. . .

Michelangeo the Psychic Lobster in his aquarium at Set Enterprises suddenly had a vision of the future.

A momentary glimpse of part of Judgement Day when Jesus Christ Lord of the Cosmos sat on the Throne of Judgement.

Bishop Robert Barron was being cast into the “outer darkness where there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Oh well, Michelangelo thought to himself, Bishop Barron now personally knows the answer to that question he’s always posing, “Dare we hope that all men are saved?”.

It turned out Pope Francis personally found out the answer to that question as well.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 19th
2019.

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Pachamama In The Tiber

December 1, 2019 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pachamama In The Tiber

The Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama was floating down the Tiber River

“I thought all the Pachamamas were rescued from the Tiber River back in late October,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman mentioned to Pope Francis.

“The authorities must have missed one,” Pope Francis had to admit as the pair walked along the banks of the Tiber River.

The pontiff’s Huawei smart phone went off.

It was a phone call from George Soros.

Francis blabbed for a few minutes while Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama swim to shore.

As the Inca goddess exited the Tiber, Francis’ Huawei went off again.

American economist Jeffrey Sachs joined the conversation.

Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama enter a Rolls-Royce limousine.

“Unless that Rolls-Royce is an extremely rare electric model that doesn’t run on fossil fuels, I don’t think it’s very climate friendly,” Cardinal Salaman thought to himself.

Bono then joined the party line conversation with Pope Francis followed a few moments later by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Cardinal Salaman left Francis to yack with his globalist friends as he went to find himself a nice taverna where he could buy a nice glass of red wine.

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders from the U.S. and former Bolivian President Evo Morales (currently living in exile in Mexico) joined the phone conversation as well as with Pope Francis and the others.

Seeing as how it was a Huawei mobile that Francis was yacking into, the entire conversation was being monitored by the People’s Republic of China Ministry of State Security.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 1st
2019.

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Dwight Ball Gets A Cream Pie In The Face While Renfield Discusses Pope Francis’ Agony

November 26, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dwight Ball Gets A Cream Pie In The Face While Renfield Discusses Pope Francis’ Agony

Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was also a good friend of noted Albertan and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been visiting Canada quite a bit recently.

He had thrown a cream pie in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s face on Election Night when Justin had rudely interrupted Opposition Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer’s televised concession speech by starting his own victory speech 38 seconds into Scheer’s concession speech.

Sometime later Harvey Tallbanger had thrown a cream pie into the face of Bloc Québécois asshole and separatist leader Yves-Francois Blanchet who said that western Canadian alienation was of no concern to him and the people of Alberta and Saskatchewan could go drown in their oil.

Later Tallbanger had thrown cream pies into the faces of Green Party Parliamentary leader Elizabeth May and former Progressive Conservative Prime Minister Kim Campbell for making air headed statements in television interviews.

He had also thrown a cream pie into the face of Vancouver Mayor Kennedy Stewart who said that there was no such thing as Western Canadian alienation – only Canadian Prairie province alienation (which was probably true) because pot smoking lower mainland British Columbians shared so much in common with the pot smoking Federal Liberal Party in Ottawa (also true).

Kennedy Stewart got a cream pie in his face from Harvey for sharing the same opinion of Albertans as the Bloc Québécois asshole leader.

Not to be outdone by the same coterie of airheads and assholes as those previously mentioned, Newfoundland and Labrador Liberal Premier Dwight Ball met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and said that overcoming Canadian prairie province alienation shouldn’t be regarded as being a high priority on the Canadian national agenda.

After the meeting, Mr. Ball got a cream pie in his face from Harvey Tallbanger.

He also received a raspberry from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster of Great Britain who did not think much of Newfoundland and Labrador’s lobster industry.

. . .

Donald Trump was sitting at his Oval Office desk when he was informed by one of his aides that the man he was planning to name as his National Security Council head next week (after firing the current NSC head in a Twitter tweet next week) – Mr. Eichmann Himmler the ICE agent extraordinaire (that was Trump’s description) had been eaten by crocodiles in a hotel swimming pool in Sydney, Australia.

“Bugger!” Trump threw aside a fountain pen that had once been given him by the recently laicized former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.

“A group of U.S. Navy SEALS have entered the pool to try and recover what’s left of him,” the aide informed Trump and then left.

Trump picked up the phone and dialled a number, “Hello, Ivanka? You know how to use an encyclopedia for research don’t you? That’s great. Because I don’t. Listen, I want you to go to the encyclopedia and dig up whatever dirt you can find on crocodiles because I want to write a nasty tweet about them.”

. . .

Amadeus Emanon visited his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was campaigning for re-election in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

“Did you see that video of Pope Francis listening to the Bishop of Nagano Japan playing the guitar at a late 1960s and early 1970s style hippy hootenanny Mass that was held in the Jesuit Pope’s honour on his recent visit to Japan?” Renfield asked Amadeus.

“No, I didn’t,” Amadeus answered.

“You should have seen the intense expression of agony on Francis’ face when that guitar was being played,” Renfield laughed, “I imagine it will be 2nd only to the intense expression of agony he’ll have on his face when he finds out his destination on Judgement Day.”

“I wonder who taught the Bishop of Nagano Japan how to play guitar?” Amadeus mused aloud.

“It was apparently William Shatner,” Renfield replied.

“I didn’t know William Shatner knows how to play guitar,” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, he apparently learned how to play guitar by playing Bob Dylan songs backwards to try to detect evidence of Klingon backwards masking,” Renfield explained.

As the words of William Shatner reciting Bob Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man filtered through the neighbourhood, dogs howled, cats screeched and the scream of the turtle was heard throughout the land.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 26th
2019.

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Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the land 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs

November 3, 2019 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in the catacombs of Rome.

After having spent Dias de los Muertos down in Mexico, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had flown from Mexico City to Rome on a mission for Set Enterprises and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set was anxious to get his hands on the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs that was signed down in the catacombs by various cardinals, bishops and priests at last month’s Pan-Amazonia Synod.

Set feared that in that pact was an alliance treaty signed between his arch-enemy, brother and brother-in-law the Egyptian god Osiris and Pachamama the ancient Inca Mother Earth goddess.

Therefore Set wanted to discover whether talk of an Osiris-Pachamama alliance was in fact true.

So he had talked Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing into searching the catacombs to find a copy of the pact which according to one of Set’s sources inside the Vatican was hidden inside one of the catacomb walls.

Qonzilqointec stood at one of the catacomb entrances waiting for Dracul Van Helsing to catch up:

“Are you coming?” She asked him.

“I am most definitely coming,” Dracul answered as he looked at her.

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she threw back her hair and laughed.

“I think in the catacombs, we are somewhat below gutter level aren’t we?” Dracul pointed out.

“That’s no excuse,” she shook her head.

They heard a clop! clop! clop! coming from one of the catacombs.

Then a peculiar voice that sounded like neighing and then singing, “Mr. Ed the Talking Horse! Of course! Of course!”.

Aztec vampiress and Canadian vampire hunter looked and there was a headless horseman (wearing a jack o’ lantern pumpkin for a head) riding a black horse.

A black horse that was wearing tap dancing shoes as it clopped along.

“Excuse me,” Van Helsing asked politely, “but do you know where a copy of the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs might be hidden in the catacomb walls?”.

“Well,” the Headless Horseman blew his carved out pumpkin nose with his handkerchief (a very tricky feat), “I was told by the Pope’s personal Monsignor Master of Ceremonies that a copy of the pact was hid in that wall down there.”

The headless horseman pointed.

“Thanks very much,” Van Helsing smiled.

“No problem,” the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow doffed his hat off his pumpkin head.

As the Headless Horseman’s horse trotted off towards the catacomb entrance with his headless rider, the horse sang his own paraphrased version of an old Charlie Rich song, “Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful mare in the world? And if you did, was she sneezing, sneezing?…” 

A song that the horse Bucephalus Reborn sang in tribute to a long lost love of his who had a terrible allergy to hay.

“Got it,” Qonzilqointec grabbed the scroll from the wall.

She unrolled it.

“It appears Set’s worst fears are true,” she noted as she read it.

“I’ll text message him right now,” Van Helsing pulled out his smart phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Well, I suppose we better head back to London,” Qonzilqointec suggested.

“What’s the rush?” Van Helsing looked around, “I wonder what it’s like to make out in the catacombs?”.

Qonzilqointec approached him, “Are you asking me to make out with you in the catacombs?”.

“I am,” Van Helsing answered.

Later as Pope Francis was taking an evening stroll through the catacombs, he got the shock of his life.

“Great life force of the Amazon!” The pontiff exclaimed.

Being used to the confines of the Vatican, he wasn’t used to the sight of two people of the opposite sex making out with one another.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday November 3rd
2019.

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Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign

October 29, 2019 at 10:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign 

By a margin of 438 votes to 20, the British House of Commons voted to approve Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s date for a UK national election to be held this coming December 12th.

This would pave the way for Britain’s first December election since 1923.

Johnson said the British public must be given a choice over the future of “Brexit and the country”.

As the vote took place, British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering sat on the benches eating a dozen Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches that he pulled out of a large bag prominently displaying the Chick-fil-A logo.

He also wore a t-shirt showing Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt when she turned back to look on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

The visual display at the moment of the historic vote lost him the endorsement of both Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama for his re-election campaign (not of course that Renfield was expecting their endorsements anyways).

Renfield also earned himself an excommunication from Pope Francis even though he wasn’t Catholic (but then again it could be argued neither was the Pope).

Renfield went home to the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where he lived while in London.

He noticed Set on the front lawn outside cutting up a large block of ice and what appeared to be a body inside the block of ice.

Renfield walked through the front door of the mansion where he informed his friend Amadeus Emanon that he would be renting a room in a Bed and Breakfast place in the town of Tewkesbury for the next couple of months as he fought his re-election campaign in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

Meanwhile London-based PIs Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were flying home from New York City to London.

They had just finished handing in a report to Lev Tomi the Secretary General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who were the groups and individuals responsible for starting the wild fires that raged through the Amazon rain forests this past summer.

Their investigation came to a sudden halt when they stumbled on a location where shaman priests and priestesses of Pachamama (who was the ancient Inca goddess of the earth and earthquakes) were sacrificing both llamas and humans to Pachamama.

Now that it looked like a UK general election would soon be held, the two private eyes mutually agreed to seek their old jobs as MPs.

For Agathor Christie who had been the British Conservative MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds prior to the spring 2017 British election, this would mean defeating current British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had beaten him back in spring 2017).

For Magog Rhys Petley who had been British Labour MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge prior to the spring 2017 election, this would mean defeating British Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee who was a Welsh vampiress who had beaten him back in spring 2017.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana: the lovely little devil about to take on Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley in the upcoming British general election.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 29th
2019.

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Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

October 26, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pachamama, Pope Francis and A Tale of Two Parrots

Pope Francis was addressing a group of bishops and cardinals at the final closing session of the Synod On The Pan-Amazonian Region being held at the Vatican.

On the floor in front of where the pontiff was speaking was a carved wooden statue of Pachamama who was worshipped as the Earth Mother goddess by various Amazon rainforest and Andean mountain tribespeople as well as by the ancient Inca culture.

Directly in front of Pope Francis on the table where he held his papers and spoke from them as he read was a set of green plants and flowers.

Among the plants and flowers were two parrots.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right (the synod audience’s left) looked very much alive as he stood tall with his eyes wide open among the flowers and plants.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left (the synod audience’s right) looked very much dead as he lay down among the flowers and plants with his mouth perpetually open and devoid of breath or sound.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ right looking very much alive and very much on the up and up was an Australian parrot looking perky and happy do to his daily diet of Uncle Ernie’s Secret Ingredient Laced Bird Seed that was mailed daily to him from Uncle Ernie’s Secret Location in Australia.

The parrot on Pope Francis’ left looking dead and very much departed from this world was a Norwegian blue parrot (a variety of parrot made famous by the British television show Monty Python).

The Norwegian blue parrot had died pining for the fjords what with all this talk of the Amazon region going on.

. . .

In the Bolivian capital of La Paz, Bolivian President Evo Morales was angry.

Not because people were in the streets protesting against his winning an unprecedented fourth presidential term but because Donald Trump had misspelled the Bolivian President’s name wrong in a tweet.

. . .

Meanwhile on the streets of Rome, an off duty member of the Swiss Guards was heading home late from work after a day spent guarding a set of Pachamama statues that had recently been rescued from the Tiber River.

Suddenly a sewer hole on the street suddenly blew its top and a huge flame of fire soared from the open sewer hole into the air.

In the midst of the huge flame of fire was a fierce looking dragon.

The dragon gazed ferociously and menacingly at the off duty Swiss Guard.

As for the Guardsman, he didn’t know what to think.

This could possibly be a hallucination brought on by imbibing too much of Pope Francis’ pet Australian parrot’s bird seed that he had swiped from the parrot’s bird seed dish when neither pontiff nor parrot were looking.

The dragon suddenly shapeshifted into a beautiful woman who approached him:

“Evening, Miss,” the Guardsman smiled as his sword rose to greet her.

The woman reached down the low-cut front of her dress, pulled out a knife and stabbed him.

She continued to walk down the street heading towards the Vatican.

The off-duty Guardsman dying decided to spend his last minutes on earth checking his lottery ticket.

He removed the lottery ticket from his coat pocket and his smart phone from his pants pocket and proceeded to google tonight’s winning lottery number for the grand prize of €10 million.

They matched.

“Unholy shit,” the Guardsman noted aloud with more than a huge trace of irony, “I win the lottery the same night I’m about to kick the bucket.”

He expired.

Fate can be cruel at times.

If a departed Norwegian blue parrot in the synod hall at the Vatican could talk, he’d undoubtedly agree.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 26th
2019.

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