Renfield Wears A T-Shirt and Signs Autographs

February 10, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was the man of the hour in Britain after his successful appearance on a special PBS episode of Firing Line in which the ghost of William F. Buckley Jr. interviewed the MP.

Militant atheist Richard Dawkins (after an appearance in which he publicly burnt his jock strap that had on it a picture of Michelangelo’s Jehovah creating Adam as depicted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel) issued a statement, “I have to admit I was impressed by the seeming authenticity of the show. It does look like an episode of Firing Line that would have been directed by Orson Welles had Mr. Welles ever directed an episode of Firing Line. And Buckley’s ghost does come across like Buckley’s ghost would if he ever did a posthumous interview as the interviewer. But as every person who has absorbed my intelligent insight and analysis of the cosmos knows, “There are no ghosts or vampires or mythological beings in actual existence. There is no Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. And there’s definitely no God.”

“I say,” Amadeus Emanon spoke to his girlfriend Angelique Dumont as he ate some popcorn and watched Dawkins on television, “If Dawkins as a militant atheist is burning his jockstrap with a picture of Michelangelo’s Creating Adam on it in imitation of the militant feminists of the late 1960s publicly burning their bras, now my knowledge of history might be somewhat misty but didn’t the militant feminists of the late 1960s at least take their bras off first?”.

“Oh shit,” Dawkins could be heard screaming as someone rushed forward with a fire extinguisher to extinguish his smouldering jockstrap.

“Maybe Dawkins will compose an atheist hymn with the lyrics Nearer My Jockstrap To Thee,” Renfield remarked as he signed autographs from adoring fans and wore a t-shirt that said,

GILLETTE:
The Fruitiest A Man Can Get.

Meanwhile American Catholic bishops and their priestly advisors were packing Gillette shaving products in their suitcases as they headed off to Rome for The Vatican Special Meeting On Predatory Pederast Priests.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau looked at the RCMP report in front of him.

The report detailed the investigation into the abduction of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s personal pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been kidnapped by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu) last December and would only be released when Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was released fully from custody and not extradited to the U.S.

Justin missed his little cannabis pot smoking greenhouse buddy with the prickly needles and his whacky weedy smile.

But the RCMP were unable to find the lost 1960s hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom on the Canadian West Coast’s Sechelt Peninsula where the marijuana smoking desert plant was being held.

Seeing as how the commune was an Age of Aquarius New Age equivalent of Scotland’s mythical mystical village of Brigadoon, that was no surprise.

. . .


Semiramis the Queen of Babylon to her date Dracul Van Helsing before going out: How do you like my high heeled shoes, Dracul darling?
The better to crush my ex-husband Nimrod the little green frog with, don’t you think?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 10th
2019.

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Meng Wanzhou and The Strange Case of The Yankee Idiot Who Poked A Sleeping Dragon In The Eye

January 28, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou, the Chinese telecom giant Huawei and its affiliates in the U.S. and Hong Kong have had 13 criminal charges filed against them by the U.S. Department of Justice.

Earlier today, America’s bald non-toupee wearing (as opposed to the Twitterer-In-Chief) Acting Attorney-General Matthew Whitaker announced 13 criminal charges against Meng and other Huawei executives.

The BBC sent its news anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy to interview British MP Renfield R. Renfield about the story.

As Geeta sat there in an arm chair and looked at her notes, MP Renfield sat in a hot tub smoking a cigar, drinking a bottle of l’Hertier de Jean Fremicourt brandy and getting blow jobs from 3 very sexy and shapely Japanese Dragon Sister porn stars.

“You know,” Renfield remarked as he blew smoke rings, “the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill often tells me that he wished he had thought of this in his mortal life time.”

“Well yes, moving right along now,” Geeta smoothed her skirt and looked at the monitor, “what is your first comment on the U.S. government’s formal charges against Meng and Huawei?”.

“Jesus Christ,” Renfield gasped.

He then looked at Geeta, “But in answer to your question, I’d first like to comment on Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s firing of John McCallum the Canadian Ambassador to China this past weekend for telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the whole Meng Wanzhou affair. This is proof positive that “Truth and diplomacy do not walk together hand in hand” to quote that new adage I just coined.”

“I notice,” Geeta read from her notes as Renfield sat there in the hot tub with an immensely huge smile on his face, “that China’s state-run Global Times newspaper has called the government in Ottawa a “frightened bird” and used a rather colourful ancient Chinese folk saying to describe Canada’s “immoral actions”. ”

“And what was the rather colourful ancient Chinese folk saying?” Renfield asked as he once again rose to the occasion.

” “You cannot live the life of a whore and expect a monument to your chastity” the unnamed author of the op-ed apparently wrote,” Geeta answered in reply to Renfield’s question.

“Gees, that’s pretty damned good,” Renfield bit off the end of his cigar, “I wish I had said that.”

“You will, Rennie, you will,” one of the female Japanese porn stars giggled as she paraphrased a statement that the artist Whistler had once made to Oscar Wilde.

“No monument for you,” Renfield looked down at her as he ate a bowl of Argentinian chicken soup prepared by a soup Nazi.

“So what of today’s U.S. announcement?” Geeta asked as she tried to keep a straight face.

“Well, the U.S. is a collapsing empire that’s too stupid and historically illiterate to realize that it’s a collapsing empire,” Renfield sipped on a Tequila Sunrise that contained a swizzle stick with a miniature Union Jack on it, “while China on the other hand is a rapidly ascendant rapidly rising re-emergent world empire. So we all know how this will end. Napoleon Bonaparte who was a true genius (unlike the bozos in the Trump Administration) noted that China was a sleeping dragon and it is best to let sleeping dragons sleep. So what does America the modern day Whore of Babylon do to a sleeping dragon? She pokes it in the eye. And so now America will fall like a rag doll knocked off the shelf by a raging bull in a China shop. And no monuments will be built to her chastity after she falls.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 28th
2019.

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Rahaf al-Qunun Granted Asylum In Canada

January 11, 2019 at 11:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield drank a toast in champagne with his fellow British Transhumanist Party caucus MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana over the fact that Saudi woman Rahaf al-Qunun was being able to toast her new found freedom in red wine aboard a flight from Bangkok Thailand (via Seoul South Korea) to Toronto.

Toasting her new found freedom in red wine would no doubt cause many extremist Wahhabi imams in Saudi Arabia to roll over in their soaked liquid filled mattresses (caused by nocturnal and daytime emissions brought about by visualized thoughts of the 72 dark eyed houri promised them).

Earlier this evening, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that the Canadian federal government would be granting refugee status to Miss Rahaf al-Qunun in Canada.

After having made the announcement, Justin spent a few minutes wondering about what had become of his beloved cannabis marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking and prickly little fellow had been kidnapped last month by Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of well known 1920s and ’30s mad scientist Dr. Fu Manchu of Sax Rohmer narrative fame) in retaliation for last month’s arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou by Canadian authorities on the orders of the “jealous because we’re lagging behind China in developing 5G networks” U.S. government.

Justin Trudeau missed conversing with the rather silent little fellow but more importantly missed the cannabis smoke exhaled by the greenhouse creature with the prickly disposition.

Inhaling all that smoke would allow him to converse with the ET gray Gali-Gula from planet Nibiru (who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).

For some reason, the Canadian Prime Minister was only able to see the odd looking and eccentric gray little creature when he had been inhaling pot.

Justin was seeking Gali-Gula’s advice on who he should get to replace Scott Brison as President of the Canadian Treasury Board next Monday.

As Renfield sipped the champagne (and wondered whether 2004 was a good year as far as the French champagne growers were concerned), he thought of his good friend the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was the pearl white sparkling incisors smiling vampirically immortal granddaughter of the late Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh.

Renfield and Ho had recently worked together in poisoning Apple CEO Tim Cook (again in retaliation for the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport).

Ho Babylon Minh was the one responsible for tonight’s happy conclusion in the Rahaf al-Qunun case.

When Rahaf al-Qunun had been detained by Thai authorities at Bangkok International Airport back on January 6th and a Saudi diplomat had confiscated her passport (no doubt with the same wanna be enthusiastic charm shown towards Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul back in October), Ho Babylon Minh had rushed to Thailand to converse with her friend the King of Thailand.

As a result of Ho’s intervention, Miss Rahaf’s deportation back to Saudi Arabia was delayed.

If Miss Rahaf had been sent back to Saudi Arabia, it would most likely have been a race between her family and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s rather extensively large diplomatic janitorial cleaning service to see who could kill her first.

The United Nations Commission on Human Rights intervened and granted Rahaf al-Qunun refugee status.

Causing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman to burst a blood vessel in his middle finger as he was examining plans for a Mark of the Beast system to be implemented for future citizens of his proposed autonomous NEOM economic zone along the Red Sea.

And now Rahaf al-Qunun was headed towards a new life in Toronto Canada.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was lying in bed when suddenly the ghost of Sir Laurence Olivier appeared in front of him.

Olivier was portraying the role of Tom Snout a character in William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Tom Snout was a tinker and one of the “mechanicals” of Athens an amateur theatre troupe putting on Pyramus and Thisbe a play within a play within A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Snout played the part of the wall separating Pyramus and Thisbe in Pyramus and Thisbe.

Olivier as Tom Snout as the Wall spoke thus,

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall…

With that a 219 inch colour TV built by Samsung appeared in mid-air.

“It may cost anywhere between $10,000 and $100,000
but far cheaper than $5.7 billion which only a knave and an ass would spend…”

Trump started screaming as his toupee suddenly became infested with the same black coloured crickets and cockroaches that had suddenly and mysteriously infested Mecca within the past few days.

Lexington his butler and valet entered the Presidential bedroom as Trump’s secret service bodyguards were fast asleep as they were no longer being paid due to the government shutdown.

“Is there something the matter, sir?” Lexington called out in the darkness.

“I’m having to shampoo my hair with a blow torch,” Trump cried back.

“Very good, sir,” Lexington closed the door and went back to bed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 11th
2019.


Rahaf al-Qunun: Off to a new life in Canada.

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