Saint Valentine’s Day 2019

February 14, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had come up with yet another plan to bump off Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

He had co-ordinated the plan with the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill along with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Before explaining the plan to Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield pointed out the dangers of getting Maduro out of office with the help of a U.S. invasion of Venezuela or an American planned overthrow.

“As we know both being acute students of history,” Renfield explained, “America’s unique talent and gift to the world is its ability to make a country worse off than it was when it lived under a brutal dictator. This actually is a unique bit of creativity unsurpassed in the history of human stupidity. That disaster we call George W. Bush (aided and abetted by that disaster Tony Blair – an Englishman who fancied himself a French poodle to a former Texas governor) invaded Iraq to topple Saddam and succeeded in that but then plunged the country into years of sectarian violence and bloodshed that continues today. Those disasters we call Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton thought they could get Syria’s Bashar al-Assad out of power by encouraging the Syrian people and part of the Syrian Armed Forces to rise up in revolt against Assad. The result has been 8 years of bloody civil war which is still ongoing, Assad is still in power and if Vladimir Putin and the Iranians hadn’t intervened, large portions of Syria would still be under the control of the ISIS Islamic State. And then of course that disaster we call Bill Clinton ordering the NATO bombing of Serbia from March 24th 1999 to June 10th 1999 helped pave the way for Vladimir Putin to come to power in Russia. Then Russian President Boris Yeltsin was so upset by the way Bill “He couldn’t keep it in his pants” Clinton treated Russia’s long standing ally Serbia that Yeltsin spent the entire spring and summer of 1999 hiring and firing new Prime Ministers until Yeltsin finally decided on Putin as his Prime Minister in August 1999 and then named Putin his successor as President on December 31st 1999. So Bill in effect screwed his wife Hillary twice. Once when they had Chelsea and secondly when he bombed Serbia thus paving the way for Putin to take power in Russia which if we are to believe the whining and sniveling of the New York Times, The Washington Post and the Deep State within the U.S. government is the man ultimately responsible for Hillary’s defeat in 2016.”

“Karma’s returning to bite one in the ass always happens eventually,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

“So you see how it’s absolutely vital that a British Transhumanist MP such as myself working in concert with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles do something to get Maduro out of power before the Americans try anything stupid,” Renfield pointed out.

“Time is indeed of the essence,” Dracul looked at his Latin numerals sundial wristwatch until he remembered it didn’t work indoors.

“So I want you to go over to the gymnasium at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium Building and start to set things in motion with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and by set things in motion,” Renfield admonished, “I don’t mean tantric sex with her.”

“Damn,” Dracul swore.

. . .

“So Lexington,” Donald Trump addressed his British butler and valet, “I gave Nancy Pelosi a Valentine’s Day present this year.

“That’s very kind of you, sir,” Lexington took off the Donald’s jacket.

“As you know today is the 90th Anniversary of Al Capone giving a Valentine’s Day present to Bugs Moran in a garage and warehouse in Chicago so I thought I’d do the same for Nancy,” Trump smiled.

Earlier that evening a group of Democratic Party supporters had gathered to sacrifice a new born baby to Baal/Moloch at a garage and warehouse in Washington DC.

Despite the best efforts of the hospital to ensure the baby wouldn’t survive birth, the baby managed to survive.

It was a health care debacle that would have provided existential angst to the likes of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam.

Double angst for Gov. Northam as the baby was an Afro-American.

Although probably double angst for Gov. Cuomo as well but since northern white liberals do a much better job at hiding their racism than their southern white liberal counterparts, you wouldn’t have noticed the look of disappointment on the face of Mario’s son.

The baby was smuggled into the ceremony by a large “reproductive health” (as they euphemistically call themselves) provider to be sacrificed to Baal/Moloch for this evening’s ritual.

Outside the warehouse a group of Mammon and Mephistopheles worshipping Republicans (all members of the National Rife Association and vitriolic opponents of a nationally publicly funded single pay user health care system) stood ready to burst in on the pro-infanticide Baal and Baphomet worshipping Party of Death Democrats.

The signal was given.

And the NRA members went in with guns ablazing.

Soon all the Party of Death Democrats were dead.

Santa Muerte who had been at the ceremony eating enchiladas looked sad.

Miraculously the baby girl (who was to be sacrificed) managed to survive.

She was found by a traditionalist Catholic nun who had been walking in the neighbourhood.

Earlier in the day, the nun had been personally excommunicated by Pope Francis.

Now like George Eliot’s Silas Marner, she had found true gold.

. . .

On his way to the warehouse gymnasium at Set Enterprises, Dracul Van Helsing passed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was crawling on his way towards Sherrielock Holmes’ office and carrying a large bouquet of roses in his lobster claws.

Dracul entered the gym and there saw Qonzilqointec:

And within minutes the gym was heating up with steam from the Valentine’s Day tantric sex between vampire hunter and vampire princess.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon was attending a Saint Valentine’s Night Evening Prayer service at Saint Genevieve’s Church- the Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish that he attended.

Delivering a short homily at the service was the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.

“Saint Valentine,” Father Aidan noted, “was a Catholic priest who lived and worked in Rome in an age of severe persecutions. The Emperor Claudius II had ordered that Roman soldiers should not be allowed to marry so they could concentrate on war without a double mind. For that reason, the soldiers began living promiscuous lives. Saint Valentine ordered soldiers in his congregation to marry and he began wedding them secretly. For that reason, he was caught, imprisoned and executed on the 14th of February 270 AD.”

“Wow,” Amadeus thought to himself as he reached stealthily into his pocket to grab and eat a stick of licorice, “So there was no Cupid with bow and arrow in the original Saint Valentine story.”


Betty Grable as a female Cupid in a photo taken back in the 1940s.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 14th
2019

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The Eve of Saint Agnes 2019: Night of The Super Wolf Blood Moon: A Poem

January 20, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Madeleine undressing, The Eve of St. Agnes painted by John Everett Millais circa 1863 based on John Keats’ 1819 poem The Eve of St. Agnes

‘Twas the Eve of Saint Agnes
and in a Baphomet worshipping Jesuit chapel
in Washington DC
Strange creatures were stirring
led by an Illuminati banker Lord L of London
who was wearing a mask of Poe’s The Raven
The Greco-Egyptian gnostic goddess Sophia was dressed
as a statue of her mother Pallas Athena
But wasn’t allowing Lord L to sit on her head

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat atop Pope Francis style witches’ Stang style Crucifixes awaiting sacrifices to them
Two victims- a 12-year-old girl named Agnes who would be sacrificed to Baal who thrived on child sacrifices
And a 50-year-old Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley (former British Labour MP) securely bound (as it was the night of a full moon) who would be sacrificed to Baphomet the half-human half-goat half-male half-female entity (who was Sophia’s son/daughter)
Performing the sacrifice would be Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon
Seeing as how Saint Agnes’ symbol was the lamb
and Magog Rhys Petley’s symbol was the wolf
The group was giving a perverted twist to Isaiah’s prophecy about the wolf shall lie down with the lamb

Semiramis wearing a long red dress raised the knife
when the full moon turned blood red
ready to bring it down on both
when the blood red moon turned to darkness
Just then the door of the chapel opened
And two creatures entered
One was a white wolf with blue eyes
He strolled on the right down the center of the chapel
The other was a black jaguar with silver eyes
He strolled down the left of the chapel
They went and stood on either side of Semiramis

Lord L blinked behind his raven mask
He didn’t recall this being part of the script
A tall blonde man wearing a fedora hat and Philip Marlowe
style private eye trench coat entered the chapel
Wearing a cross bow on his back

Standing at the front of the chapel
he removed a cross bow and poisoned arrow and fired at Lord L
“Shit, I am slain” Lord L remarked before falling over subsequently dead
“A Lenny Bruce style Nixon White House style epithet added to Polonius’ last words spoken in the play Hamlet” the crossbow slayer who was Dracul Van Helsing remarked.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had arrived on the scene
and had tied up and bound Semiramis the Queen of Babylon
“Wow, my Anne Rice A. N. Roquelaure Sleeping Beauty BDSM fantasies are coming true,” Dracul remarked upon seeing this
Renfield R. Renfield let fire with a water cannon
with Holy Water blessed by the former Pope Benedict XVI
At the demons Baal and Baphomet
sending them shrieking outside the chapel

Soon the spectators fled
including a Democratic Congresswoman from California
and a Democratic Senator from New York
who were dressed as the couple
in the 1930 Grant Wood painting American Gothic

Semiramis before succumbing to a massive tantric orgasm
Brought about by the excitement of the ropes and the handcuffs
touching her skin
Thought she recognized Dracul Van Helsing

“He must be a time traveller,” Semiramis thought to herself,
“He’s the spitting image of the man who rescued me from the hands of Jack the Ripper in London in the autumn of 1888.”


Semiramis in the arms of Jack the Ripper as a raven watches
and before a white wolf and a black jaguar and a vampire slayer spring in for the attack

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Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Marks Nicolas Maduro’s 2nd Inauguration

January 10, 2019 at 11:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec got up and walked away after she had successfully poisoned the head of Venezuela’s intelligence service.

She also had in her possession and in her purse the location of two Russian Tu-160 nuclear bombers (with nuclear bombs aboard) in Venzeula.

She’d be contacting British MP Renfield R. Renfield with that information.

She’d also be text messaging a photo of the head of the Venezuelan Intelligence Service (lying dead on the floor with a poisoned olive from a martini hanging from his mouth) to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro moments after he was inaugurated for a second time.

The Aztec vampire princess would now be flying to Havana Cuba where she would watch Cuban President Miguel Diaz-Canal receive the Pope Francis Medal of Freedom Award presented to the Cuban leader by a leading Latin American liberation theology Jesuit theologian on behalf of the Pontiff.

She’d then meet with a United Nations official the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky the head of the Communist Fourth International) and plot their strategy to talk actress Angelina Jolie into running for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020.

After the vaudeville papal awards ceremony and the Tomi meeting, she’d then have a tantric sex marathon with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a Havana hotel room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 10th
2019.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

August 21, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

She wore a low-cut short skirted red rose 🌹 decorated white mini dress and a pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled sandals 👡 whose colour matched her purse 👜.

As soon as Dracul saw her, he realized right then and there that he’d have to take her right then and there on the spot.

Qonzilqointec was expecting that (in fact she was immensely looking forward to it) and so she hadn’t worn any panties under her dress.

Dracul mounted her and they engaged in several hours of highly orgasmic tantric sex which had a major effect on the Ring of Fire around the Pacific Ocean 🌊.

Coincidentally 69 (yes, 69) major earthquakes hit the Ring of Fire and the area around the Yellowstone super volcano 🌋 was on high alert.

. . .

August 21st was the Feast Day of Pope Saint Pius X.

Pope Francis didn’t really relish celebrating the Feast as Saint Pius X had been a Pope who believed in the existence of Hell (much to Pope Francis’ discomfort).

Nevertheless he said a commemoration Mass today for the sake of appearances.

No telling what Cardinal Raymond Burke and Cardinal Robert Sarah would have said if he hadn’t.

Pope Francis then left the Mass for his meeting to discuss the environment and sustainable development for Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia with Lev Tomi the Secretary of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Lev Tomi was a vampire.

In his mortal life he had been the Russian Bolshevik revolutionary Leon Trotsky who had a falling out with Josef Stalin and was expelled from the USSR in February 1929.

It was on this date August 21st back in 1940 that Trotsky had been bitten on the neck and turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.

The bite that changed him from mortal to vampiric immortal happened shorty after midnight 🕛 Mexico City local time on August 21st.

If he hadn’t been turned into a vampire, he would have succumbed to his head wounds from an ice pick attack to the head and died.

The ice pick attack happened on August 20th 1940 in Mexico City and was administered by Spanish-born Stalinist agent Ramon Mercader acting on Stalin’s orders.

Trotsky’s “death” was announced to the world as a way to prevent any further attacks on his person by agents of Josef Stalin (it also saved Stalinist agents the embarrassment of having to carry Crosses and Crucifixes and Holy Water as well as hawthorn wooden stakes on their person in an effort to dispose of Trotsky in his current state).

Trotsky changed his name to Lev Tomi and moved to New York City where he worked as a non-starving artist (since he didn’t have to pay to drink blood- his main diet).

When the United Nations was formed in 1945, he got a job working at the UN in New York and worked his way up to become Secretary of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

“So,” Pope Francis asked Trotsky aka Tomi, “how shall we bring about a world global government to save Mother Earth 🌏?”.

Tomi aka Trotsky told him.

. . .

One of Israel’s leading Kabbalistic rabbis was giving an address in a synagogue on how various mystical rabbis throughout the centuries had predicted the arrival of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet who would be the ultimate blessed hope of the Jewish people.

The Mossad agent who was codenamed the Controller of the Golem sat in the front row of the synagogue 🕍 in a state of shock.

Never before had he heard such utter blasphemy.

His gentile guests the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and Prince Vlad Dracula of Wallachia and Count of Transylvania were likewise shocked 😳 😮 as they sat in the front row.

What was really disturbing the Controller thought to himself was that this same Kabbalistic rabbi (who had just prophesied the advent of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet) had numerous gentile disciples in America- most of whom were well-known supposedly “Christian” televangelists.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 21st
2018.

Qonzilqointec on an historic date-
in every sense of that word.

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Reblog- Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec and The Roswell UFO Crash

July 8, 2018 at 10:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash

A vampire novel chapter I posted a year ago yesterday on the 70th Anniversary of the Roswell crash- a crash that UFO 🛸 enthusiasts believe was of an extraterrestrial 👽 spacecraft that contained the bodies of ET grays.

Dracul Van Helsing

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister…

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The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire

April 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.

Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:

https://pin.it/gpw5o3ygkufczk

She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.

(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/08/nazi-scientist-eckhart-fromm-and-his-attempt-at-human-genetic-cloning/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/robur-the-conquerer-ii-in-havana/

)

When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.

She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.

So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.

The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.

An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.

The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.

“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”

“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.

“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.

“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.

“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.

“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.

“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.

“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.

“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.

“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th
2018.

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The Awesome Blogger Award

January 23, 2018 at 10:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Awesome Blogger Award

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a luxurious hotel room in Bucharest, Romania.

Downstairs in the lobby, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was giving Vlad III Tepes the Impaler Dracula a history lesson on what’s been happening in the world throughout the entire 20th Century and the 1st 17 years of the 21st.

By all accounts, Dracul Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec were having the more enjoyable time.

“I hear you’ve been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award, Dracul,” Qonzilqointec gasped in ecstasy as she climaxed yet again.

“That’s right, I have been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award,” Dracul answered as he moved in for the Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award.

“I would have to agree, you are an awesome blogger!” Qonzilqointec admitted as she orgasmed for the 69th time in this lovemaking session.

“Thank you,” Dracul thought that his childhood hero Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would be so proud of him right now.

“Who nominated you?” The sexy Aztec vampiress asked.

“A fellow blogger Ortensia72 who lives in Dublin, Ireland 🇮🇪,” Dracul replied.

“Isn’t Dublin the home of Guinness Draught?” Qonzilqointec queried as she underwent a volcanic eruption 🌋.

“It is,” Dracul re-enacted Robin Hood hitting the bull’s eye at a Nottingham archery tournament, “Drinking a Guinness draught and reading a Van Helsing blog post seem to go well together.”

“Well, I currently like where a Van Helsing is posting now,” the Aztec vampire princess gasped, “so all I need is a Guinness draught.”

“We can order some from room service,” Dracul suggested.

“What question were you asked in getting nominated for the award?” Qonzilqointec purred like a kitten.

“Savoury or sweets?” Dracul remembered the question.

“And what was your answer?” She came as Dracul entered new terrain.

“Savoury of course,” Dracul replied, “I’ve always liked my sex extremely spicy 🌶.”

“And who do you nominate?” She pressed her lips against him.

“Every blog I read has an awesome blogger behind it,” said Dracul, “so I nominate them all.”

“And what question will you ask them?” Qonzilqointec waved a leopard skin tanga above her head.

“Where was the most unusual place you made love?” Dracul framed the question in Perry Mason like courtroom fashion.

“And where do you think was the most unusual place we made love?” Qonzilqointec started to hum that old song Thanks For The Memories.

“Probably when we made love in the clock tower of Big Ben at the Westminster Parliament just before they closed the tower down for several years as it undergoes construction 🔨,” Dracul recalled.

Meanwhile in the lobby, Dracula had fallen asleep 😴 when Dr. Cadbury Rocher started reading aloud from the U. S. Congressional Record debating the federal budget for the U.S. Government fiscal year 1952-53.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 23rd
2018.

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Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

July 7, 2017 at 6:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was currently attending the G-20 Summit in Hamburg Germany.

As he munched on his Hamburg hamburger alongside German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he reflected on the huge gaffe he had made in Ottawa at last weekend’s Canada Day 150th Anniversary.

He had mentioned every province and territory in Canada in his Canada Day speech except the province of Alberta (the home of famous Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing).

When he left the stage and was informed of his gaffe, he came back and said, “I love you, Alberta” and blew a kiss at the TV cameras causing a wide-eyed teen-aged girl in the crowd (whose name was Alberta) to swoon and faint.

Trudeau’s failure to mention Alberta had angered some Albertans who still remembered Justin’s father Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s energy wars of the 1970s and early 1980s with then Alberta Premier Peter Lougheed over control of the province’s oil and natural gas resources.

Pierre Trudeau’s National Energy Program (NEP) had siphoned billions of dollars from Alberta’s provincial coffers into his own federal government’s treasury.

After bringing in the NEP and figuratively giving Albertans the finger, Pierre Trudeau then literally gave Albertans the finger while crossing through the Province’s Rocky Mountains by train.

Justin Trudeau’s neglect in mentioning Alberta by name at the Canada 150 celebrations in the Canadian nation’s capital of Ottawa struck some Albertans as the son’s equivalent of the father’s giving them the finger.

But really, Justin reflected, it was an accident.

An accident caused by the ET gray from Nibiru named Gali-Gula making funny faces at him while he was speaking.

Justin had promised to legalize marijuana during the 2015 Canadian federal election campaign- a promise which won him numerous seats in British Columbia’s Lower Mainland.

After winning the election, Justin started his own personal one man investigation into the after effects of smoking marijuana.

And whenever he smoked pot, those were the only times that Gali-Gula (the ET gray from Nibiru whose body was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) appeared to him.

Justin had resolved not to smoke any pot ahead of the Canada 150 celebrations.

That way he wouldn’t be seeing Gali-Gula and he also wouldn’t anger the crowd by eating up all the hot dogs at the hot dog stand when he got the munchies.

The trouble was when he got up on the stage, some in the crowd were celebrating Canada’s 150th birthday by smoking pot themselves and Justin had the misfortune of inhaling much of the smoke.

So then Gali-Gula appeared to him just as he was about to mention Alberta by name.

Gali-Gula stuck two fingers in both his ears and then stuck his tongue out making a funny face at the Canadian Prime Minister.

This action on the ET gray’s part totally discombobulated Justin and he forgot to mention Alberta.

Later when Justin came back and said, “I love you, Alberta”, Gali-Gula decided to fly to Alberta and land on the UFO Flying Saucer landing pad in the town of Saint Paul, Alberta built in Canada’s centennial year of 1967.

Gali-Gula’s UFO driving narrowly missed making an omelette out of the world’s largest Ukrainian coloured Easter egg near the town of Vegreville, Alberta and narrowly missed making shredded duck out of the statue of the world’s largest duck outside the town of Andrew, Alberta.

“So,” Chancellor Angela said to Prime Minister Justin over his hamburger rousing him from his thoughts, “I said to Donald, either pee or get off the pot.”

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec walked the streets of Roswell New Mexico.

She wore a black dress in mourning for the lives lost at Roswell 70 years ago.

Her Samsung mobile phone rang.

She answered.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing phoning.

They chatted.

Suddenly Qonzilqointec could hear the sounds of gunfire coming from the other end of the phone.

“Dracul, what’s happening?” Qonzilqointec asked.

“Some assassins tried to shoot me,” Dracul answered, “but I shot and killed them first with my Uzi sub machine gun that was given to me as a gift by the host of the Israeli reality TV series Battle of The Rabbis: Orthodox vs. Reformed vs. Conservative vs. Golda’s Uncle’s Lox and Cream Cheese Bagel Worshiping Cult.”

“Who were the assassins?” Qonzilqointec asked, “Agents sent by an evil Transylvanian baron from his lair in the Carpathians?”.

“No,” Dracul replied, “They were operatives from the CPL.”

“CPL?” Qonzilqointec queried.

“The Calgary Public Library,” Dracul answered, “They claimed I forgot to return a book. But it wasn’t true. The only book I ever borrowed from them was an Archie comic book graphic novel called Afterlife With Archie about Jughead Jones leading a zombie apocalypse attack on the community of Riverdale. But I returned it. I even have a receipt slip showing that I did. But Calgary Public Library operatives’ instructions are to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I see,” Qonzilqointec sighed sadly.

“So you’re at Roswell eh?” Dracul asked.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec nodded, “wondering what happened here 70 years ago?”.

“Maybe some poor snook ET gray forgot to return a book to the Calgary Public Library so CPL operatives fired a surface-to-air missile that hit his craft just above Roswell New Mexico,” Dracul speculated.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 7th 2017.

Qonziqointec In Mourning For Roswell Crash Victims
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash.

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Qonzilqointec, Dracul and The Dolphins

June 16, 2017 at 4:45 pm (Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec In Brighton

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was anxiously waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in her Brighton seaside resort hotel.room.

When he entered, she turned swiftly around in her slit skirted peach evening dress and threw out her arms towards him, “Dracul.”

Dracul ran towards her.

They embraced.

Soon Dracul and the Aztec vampire princess were down on the elegant French style sofa making wild passionate love.

On the television in the next room, BBC News TV cameras were focused on the swearing-in of new Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Mr. Renfield, is it true that you’re the greatest lover in Britain?” A reporter asked Renfield.

“Yes, it is,” Renfield answered.

Meanwhile in Brighton, Qonzilqointec was having the mother of all orgasms.

Renfield turned to his parliamentary aide behind him, “I hate to lie on my first day in office. See what we can do about deporting Dracul Van Helsing out of the country.”

Later down on the Brighton beach, Qonzilqointec and Dracul were making love in the sand.

“Isn’t this what Olivia Newton John and John Travolta did in Grease?” Qonzilqointec moaned in ecstasy.

“I think it was Brylcreem rather than ordinary grease that Travolta used,” Dracul answered with the heaving and pounding of the waves on the beach that matched the heaving and pounding of vampire hunter and vampiress.

Soon as the waves surrounded them and Qonzilqointec shouted, “My God, I’ve never felt so wet,” a pod of dolphins surrounded them.

“Look,” said Qonzilqointec, “we have an audience.”

“Dolphins in Brighton,” Dracul said, “that doesn’t happen very often.”

“They’ve come to watch our lovemaking,” Qonzilqointec sighed

“Never thought I’d end up a High School Biology teacher for dolphins,” Dracul remarked.

And the show went on for hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 16th
2017.

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